New Beginning-Love and Learning to Let Go
by JennTH
Summary: The children of Ashley, Ben, Ellen, and Michael are all grown up now. They are now making their way through Hogwarts. The adults watch as their children grow up and learn from their own mistakes. Sometimes it isn't easy being a parent. All OCs, so you likely won't like.
1. Chapter 1

**I was informed yesterday by uploading a lot of chapters, people got spammed. I'm sorry about that and I am almost done with these stories. Afterward, I am going back to my more popular stories.**

A/N: Michelle is Ellen's daughter from New Beginning. So far it's Michelle, Alyssa, Hayden and Ashley but will be changing of point of views to others. All OCs from my first story, New Beginning. You likely won't like.

I wrote New Beginning years ago, but then I moved it to a blog. I started this story just for fun while I worked on better projects. However, as much as it was just for fun, I grew to enjoy writing about these characters. So whenever I have writers block on my real stories, or even when I am feeling stressed, I write about these characters lives. Many people might not enjoy this since it's OC and all but this story as bad as it might be actually got me through stressful times. Whenever I was feeling upset, I would think about some happy things happening to them or even bad things. I would sit down, and write about them. I logged back onto this site recently and saw some recent requests for this story. So I've decided to resurrect it here since some people don't want to read it on my blog.

Michelle

"Guess what I heard Michelle?" My best friend Catalina said as she skipped over to the pool.

It was the summer after third year, and I was resting on an inflatable float. I was kind of watching the younger kids, but I was daydreaming at the same time. Alyssa and Clarissa were watching the younger kids anyway. They seemed more than happy to take over the baby-sitting even though I was actually in charge when mum wasn't home.

I wasn't surprised to see Catalina, or usually any of my friends. They knew they were allowed to come and go whenever they wanted. Usually one of my friends or one of the other kids friends showed up during the day. The adults were no longer strict about our friends being over. They used to be when we were younger, but it seemed after I turned thirteen, they were sure that we'd all be okay with looking out for each other. Sometimes Hayden was there, but a lot of the time he worked at his summer job.

I didn't answer Catalina, I just watched as she pulled off her yellow summer dress to reveal a red bikini. She jumped into the pool and swam over to me. The other kids weren't really paying attention to her, but I think whatever she wanted to tell me was private.

"What did you hear?" I asked as she reached my inflatable float.

Usually she was full of gossip about someone in our class, or even in the younger years. Alyssa and Clarissa were about to start their second year, and I didn't know anything about what went on with them. I quite frankly just didn't care. However, Catalina knew who was dating who in their year. Not that it mattered when you were eleven or twelve anyway. It was mostly just hand holding, or if they were more daring they did kiss, but it never lasted.

"You might have heard by now, but Hayden and Cynthia broke up," Catalina told me.

I stared at her with shock. While Hayden didn't ignore me anymore as he used to when we were younger, I still didn't know much about his personal life. We hung out sometimes, but we did have a bit of an age difference. I'd been in love with him for as long as I could remember, but he never gave me the time of day. At the end of his third year, he started to date a girl in his year named Cynthia. I'd hoped at the time that it wouldn't last long but they seemed to go strong, and many people called them the class couple in his year. I'd given up on anything happening with him because I thought he'd be like Hayden's godparents.

"I haven't seen much of Hayden lately," I said. "He's either with his friends or he is working. He's going to be seventeen in September. I know Ashley and Ben let him go out as much as he wants. He doesn't really baby-sit the kids anymore, they're usually over here," and I nodded at all the kids in the pool as if to make a point.

The pool was full of what I considered an extended family because I'd known them all most of their lives. My sister was there with Alyssa who was my mother's goddaughter, and she lived next door. Her cousin Mackenzie was there as well. Alyssa's twin brothers, William and Cameron who were ten were there with a couple of their friends and their cousin Trevor. My younger brother Elliot and his friends Hailey (Alyssa's youngest sister) and Elaina who are all seven and my youngest brother Micky, who had just turned four.

The thing was, usually a lot more kids came over and they were all related to Alyssa. The Hoofers were a big and close family. They all had pools, but a lot of the time they liked to spend the day at either my place or my godmother's place Ashley. We all shared the pools as if they were our own. Usually it was more convenient to be at Ashley's because their place was bigger, but mum had wanted us to stay home that day. So we were swimming in my pool.

"Well it only just happened yesterday," Catalina told me.

"Who broke up with who?" I asked hoping it was Hayden who had dumped Cynthia.

It wasn't that I dislike the girl. She was actually really nice, and she'd always been decent to me. I'd known her for years. She'd been a friend of Hayden's since he was in primary school, and she was usually a guest at his party back then. I had just never been fond of her being his girlfriend for obvious reasons. I'd always been nice to her regardless, but secretly I wished that they would break up.

"Hayden broke up with her," Catalina answered. "I guess her jealousy of Minnie was getting worse."

"But Minnie has been with Craig for two years, and they seem really happy together," I answered.

"Yes, but you know everyone thinks that they're going to end up together eventually," Catalina told me in an obvious tone.

"Don't I know it," I muttered.

Minnie and Hayden were life-long friends. They'd known each other since they were babies. Hayden is my godmother's other godchild. She had adopted him when he was eight-years-old because his mother had abandoned him. Minnie is Ben's niece and Ashley knew they'd be in the same year as each other, so she'd introduced them when they were babies. They'd maintained their friendship all these years, and most people did expect they'd end up together even if the two of them had never shown interest in each other. Even my own mother expected it to happen, and I hated hearing her talk about it.

Hayden always insisted that Minnie was just his sister, and that he couldn't imagine ever dating her. Last summer, when Hayden and me were swimming in the pool together, he'd actually vented to me about it. He'd told me how tired he was that everyone, including his own godparents wanted him with her when he didn't see her that way at all. Secretly, I'd been happy to hear him tell me that and I hoped it would stay that way. I knew feelings could change though. Everyone had known that my godparents would end up together. They hadn't realized it until their fifth year. Hayden was just about to start his sixth year. There was still a chance that his or Minnie's feelings could change.

"For the record, I don't think they'll ever see each other as more than brother and sister," Catalina told me. "Besides, it's as you said, Minnie really does love Craig."

"Hayden thought he loved Cynthia, and he even had a crush on her for years before they got together," I reminded her.

Catalina shrugged. "Hayden talks to you more than he used to. You're so beautiful too. When he wants to date again, he'd be a fool to turn you down."

"But I'm also only fourteen and I'm starting the fourth year," I reminded her. "Hayden is going to be seventeen. What seventeen-year-old wants some fourteen-year-old? He's always just seen me as a kid."

"Hayden is the only boy I've ever seen you have doubts about," Catalina said. "Normally you just go for it when you want someone."

"Because most boys do like me," I answered.

It might have sounded arrogant to say that, but it was the truth. I knew I was beautiful even though I didn't like to flaunt my beauty like some people I knew. Some girls I knew who were very pretty used their looks for their benefit. I didn't like to do that. I wanted people to like me for me and I didn't want to seem like a bitchy girl just because of my looks either. I thought it was okay to know you were pretty, but not be mean about it. I believed in modesty. However, I could admit that I knew a lot of the boys liked me, so if there was someone I was interested in, I went for it. Hayden was a different story. He probably just saw me as a little sister or cousin or something. He saw most of the Hoofer's and their friends kids as his relatives.

"I think you should do something about it," Catalina said. "You've crushed on him for years now."

"Well I am not going to do it the day after a break up. He was with Cynthia for a long time," I said.

"I'm not saying you should. You don't want to be the rebound, but I think once he's been single long enough that you should. It's as you always say, the worst he'll do is say no," Catalina told me.

I knew she spoke the truth. She was a smart girl and I never understood why she was Hufflepuff instead of Ravenclaw. She was one of the top in our year. I figured I'd use that summer when I could to really get to know Hayden better. He did talk to me more often. It seemed after my first year he started to take me more seriously. He started to talk to me more and more, and lately he would come over to talk to me on his own. He'd never done that before. Even though I was younger, sometimes he'd ask me advice about Cynthia when he couldn't ask Minnie.

"You're right," I said and I told her what I planned to do that summer. "That is if I see him. It's been two weeks, and he lives next door but I never see him. He might try to work harder now that he has to get over her. Hayden always works harder at school or whatever else when he wants to distract himself."

I felt some confidence but I still worried that he'd just still see me as a little girl. It was hard for me not to see Clarissa as a little girl even though she wasn't anymore. She was slowly turning from an annoying sister to someone I could actually talk to as someone close to my age. She was starting to get into boys now.

I sometimes worried about both her and Alyssa. While I tried to remain modest, the two of them knew they were very pretty and they weren't so modest. Alyssa was already so boy crazy and she'd just turned twelve. She was prettier than I was at twelve. She looked like she could pull off being fourteen or fifteen because she was tall too. My sister was a pretty girl, but Alyssa was more pretty. Sometimes the two of them competed. If they were like that at twelve, what would they be like when they were my age or Hayden's age? Some girls in my year talked about having sex, and I knew my own mother had it at fourteen. Would they be the same way? I didn't want to have sex while I was still in school. My mum had been a teenage mother and I didn't want that for myself.

That was another thing I worried about with Hayden. If he ever did want to be with me, what if he wanted sex? I knew that he and Cynthia had it. After being in a physical relationship, he wasn't going to want to be with a girl who wanted to remain a virgin. I felt it was almost hopeless for us to ever be together.

I didn't have to wait long to talk to Hayden. Later that night, I went over to Ashley's to find that he was swimming laps in their pool. Usually I liked to visit with my godmother, and that had been my original plan but once I caught sight of Hayden, my plans changed. I was still wearing my bathing suit from earlier. I just had it on under a wrap-a-round dress.

In the summer I practically lived in it, as did my siblings and my god-siblings. In fact, most of the kids in my neighbourhood did. At one point it had just been my parents, my godparents and a friend of my parents Michael and his wife Shelly but over the last five year our neighbourhood had expanded. More people who were friends of my parents were moving their and building their houses there. It was a magical neighbourhood full of old school friends.

"I don't want to talk Alyssa," Hayden instantly said as I swam over to him. He wasn't looking at me.

"I didn't know we had that much of a resemblance," I told him.

"Oh," Hayden said when he saw that it was me. "Sorry, Alyssa has been badgering me since I got home from work. I broke up with Cynthia and she won't stop asking me about it. I came out here to have some time alone, but you know the kids. They don't respect that at times. I miss the days sometimes when she was a little girl. It was so much easier back then."

"I honestly find it easier now," I said. "They're easier to relate to now."

"For the most part it's easier, but when Alyssa was under the age of ten, all I had to do was snap my fingers basically and she did what I said. Don't get me wrong, I love her, but she doesn't always respect boundaries," Hayden said. "She's allowed to stay up late now, and she's allowed to swim when she wants now so it won't be long before she comes out here to pester me about Cynthia. Sometimes it's hard not to see her as a little girl anymore to be honest. It's hard to believe she's going to be a teenager next year. It was hard last year when she started Hogwarts."

"It's probably the same with me too," I said trying to make a joke but to also see how he saw me. Did he see me the same as he saw Alyssa? Was I just an annoying little girl who shouldn't be grown up yet? "But we all do grow up Hayden."

"Not really," Hayden said with a shrug seemingly ignoring the last part. "At least not anymore. I did at one point, but after your first-year you were normal," and then as if he worried that he insulted me he smiled at me. "Well not normal, you were always normal but I just stopped seeing you as a kid. It was easier to talk to you."

"I know what you meant," I said as I thought about my own sister and Alyssa.

I couldn't help but wonder if there was some hidden meaning to that. He did seem worried that he had offended me.

"So what are you up to? It's Friday night; why are you here. I'm surprised you're not out with your gang of friends," Hayden said to me and I wondered if I was bothering him but he was too nice to tell me to go away. He wasn't that way with Alyssa because she was basically his sister. I wasn't.

"I thought I'd have a girls night with Ashley," I told him. "I will in a bit, but I saw you in the pool, so I thought I'd visit with you first. That is if you want to. If you want to be alone, I can go in now," I added quickly. "We haven't seen each other since school, and we hung out sometimes. I feel like we're friends now."

I felt nervous as I said the last bit. Maybe he didn't see me as a friend, and he'd only hung out with me to be nice. He was very polite after all, and he didn't like to hurt peoples feelings if he could help it. I thought that came from his mothers abandonment. I knew he still hurt from that, even though they sometimes wrote to each other.

"No, it's okay," Hayden said. "I didn't mean it like that. I just know you usually go out on Friday's with Catalina and the others. You're more than welcome to swim for a bit. It's just Alyssa and the twins I don't want to see right now. Besides, we are friends."

I wasn't sure if I should press my luck or not. Hayden didn't mind hanging out with me, but would he mind if I brought up his break up? I'd been through my own break ups. Most of my relationships had been short lived, and I'd been bad tempered afterwards. I hated when my friends or family wouldn't give me my space. Hayden and Cynthia had been together for a little over two years.

"What happened anyway if you don't mind me asking," I continued. "We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, but I'm just surprised. You two seemed so happy together."

Hayden had just taken his OWLs the year before. Sometimes when we hung out, he'd get me to study with them so that I'd be prepared for my fifth year. He and his friends also hadn't minded helping my friends and me with our school work as well. Cynthia and Hayden always seemed so inseparable during these study sessions. At times when I wanted just one on one time with Hayden, it seemed impossible with her around as well. They just couldn't seem to do anything without being around each other. They were in separate houses as well, so they'd use any opportunity they could to hang out. In fact, Cynthia and I were both Hufflepuff's, and at times she'd come sit with my friends and me if she wasn't with her friends.

"It's been going downhill for a while," Hayden answered. "It was great at first, but it was her jealousy and her clinginess. I couldn't do anything without her wanting to be there. You know, at first when we got together she gave me space to hang out with my friends, especially any female friends. By the end of last year, I couldn't. I mean, Minnie is one of the smartest in my year, and she did everything she could to help me with certain classes, such as Arithmancy. Cynthia couldn't stand it. Even when you came over to try and study with me, she'd get jealous about it."

I hated when he said: 'even when you' as if it were impossible for someone like him to like a girl like me. I was sure he didn't mean it the way I was interpreting it, and I was likely overthinking things, but I still felt a bit stung. I didn't let it show however.

"Did you try talking to her about it?" I asked instead.

"I've been talking to her about it since Easter break," Hayden answered. "Yesterday was the final straw. With Minnie dating Craig and all, we just haven't had the chance to talk as often. If we did, it was just about school work. We haven't been able to just hang out. Craig has no jealousy when it comes to Minnie, so he didn't care when we started to make plans. Cynthia flipped out though. She didn't want the two of us just to hang out one on one, and I just couldn't take it anymore. I told her it was over. I'm just so damn tired of everyone thinking that something is going to happen between Minnie and me. It isn't. They all think we're going to be the next Victoire and Teddy. Some people compare my life to Teddy's because it's almost similar. They compare the Hoofer's to the Weasley's since our families are the two biggest at Hogwarts right now. I'm just glad we're not famous. My relationship issues would be all over the Daily Prophet right now."

What Hayden said was true. The Weasley's were a big family, but they were also famous, so almost everything that they did ended up in the gossip sections of newspapers and magazines. The Hoofer's while well known weren't famous, but people at Hogwarts did compare them to the Weasley's. I knew Hayden was compared to Teddy a lot. Teddy had been orphaned by the war, and he was taken in by his Godfather and he ended up with a big extended family. Hayden was the same way. They both grew up with a female life-long friend. Teddy and Victoire used to be off and on again, and their relationship status would be in the papers. They were now engaged.

"I'm sure everyone will know soon enough though," I said thinking about Catalina. She hadn't told me how she knew, but then again, she always knew peoples business.

"Oh they do," Hayden told me. "I've had to ignore my message parchment all day. I'm sure when I check it later tonight it's going to be full of messages from people. I'm just happy I did it over the summer. By the time school starts, people will have moved on. At my birthday party I'm sure it will be a big topic of discussion."

"The big seventeen," I said. "You're going to be of age. You're so lucky. You'll get to do magic whenever you want."

Hayden smiled at me. "Ashley and Ben are already talking about it. They want it to be the party of the year. Normally I don't invite the younger kids to my parties, but I think they want me to this year. I think I will for the day party at least, but I want people my own age for the night party. I want my friends to be able to drink without having to look after the younger kids. You're invited too of course."

"For the day party or the night party?" I asked wondering if he thought I was too young to be hanging out with the sixteen and seventeen-year-olds.

By that point I'd had my own taste of alcohol. I'd never exactly been drunk, but I'd drank some and mum knew it. She just told me not to go overboard, and she didn't mind if I experimented because she had. She just didn't want me to make any mistakes. I knew exactly what she meant by that, and I didn't think I'd ever drink enough that I would let alcohol lower my inhibitions. I knew too much about my parents and my godparents days at school, and I would not follow in their foot-steps.

"Both," Hayden answered. "I'm sure Ellen won't mind. I know there will be a fight with Alyssa for the night party, but I don't care. I don't want twelve-year-olds at an adult party. Ashley used to do that back in her day, but I never understood that. I feel like I'd have to watch them and I wouldn't be able to enjoy myself."

That was something about my godmother I thought was odd as well. She let my Uncle Timmy and his friends go to her parties even though they were five years younger. She also used to have a buddy system in Hufflepuff, and she'd let the younger girls go to her parties even though she was in her twenties and they were in their teens. That had stopped years ago, but now when I thought about it, I couldn't understand why. When I wanted to have a good time with my friends, I didn't want to worry about the younger kids. At times I hated it when I was supposed to be baby-sitting.

"Ashley can be too nice sometimes," I answered with a shrug. "She just wanted everyone to fit in, and she knew that the younger kids liked hanging out with the older kids. I could never do that, but that's her reasoning."

Hayden nodded and we were silent for a few moments. To me it didn't seem to be an awkward silence, as if we couldn't think of anything to say, but just a comfortable silence. We were both so much into our own thoughts.

"You know, that's another reason why I haven't wanted to be around Alyssa lately," Hayden suddenly said.

"What do mean?" I asked.

"Alyssa is angry with Ashley about what happened with Hailey," Hayden told me. "You do know the details about that, don't you?"

I nodded. "Ashley told me about all that a couple of months after you started your first-year. Why is Alyssa upset about that? It wasn't Ashley's fault."

"I've tried telling her that, but she's inherited the Hoofer stubbornness. Even Hailey and the twins understand. Hailey told Ashley that it was okay and she shouldn't feel guilty about it. Hailey is seven," Hayden told me.

When Ashley was pregnant with Hailey, there was a fight in Godric's Hollow. She'd gone to help out, but didn't know she was pregnant. She'd been attacked that night, and she'd nearly lost Hailey from it. Hailey was born premature and for the first years of her life she'd been a bit sickly as well. However, she was a very strong little girl. She very rarely whined. My twelve-year-old sister whined more than she did. If Hailey hurt herself, she didn't cry or complain.

"I thought Ashley told Alyssa all of that years ago," I said.

"She did. I think Alyssa was about nine. Ashley decided to tell the twins, and she figured since she was telling them, she might as well let Hailey know as well. Alyssa seemed to accept it the first time, but this time she seems angry. I feel like she is just being a brat about it. I hate talking about my little sister this way, but she just seems to be going through an angry phase about everything and anything. So I don't even think she's upset with Ashley. I just think it's whatever it is that is making her angry that's doing it. I just don't like the fact that she keeps throwing it in Ashley's face. Ashley basically had a break down back then, and she stressed about it for years," Hayden told me.

"I remember that," I said as I remembered her staying in bed for so long, and even after Hailey was born she seemed stressed and unhappy. It wasn't until after Hayden went to school that she finally relaxed. Perhaps it was time for Alyssa and me to have a little talk. She normally came to me about her problems. I was surprised she hadn't this time. "Is she stressing about it now then?"

"I think it's bothering her that Alyssa is being a brat about it, but she's not as emotional as she used to be," Hayden answered. "If it were five years ago I'd be worried, but I overheard her telling Ben that it was probably teenage thing. I don't know if I believe that. I've been through more than Alyssa has when it comes to mum, and other than right after mum pulled her stunt, I never did any of that. I was a lot more understanding when I was twelve than Alyssa has been, and I went through a rough time then."

"Well I'm sorry to say, but Alyssa is spoiled," I told him. "She never had to go through what you did. It's the same with Clarissa. I haven't seen an attitude with Alyssa, but she's never given me one anyway. Clarissa on the other hand has it as well though. I mean, we get along better than we used to, but she does throw fits over the silliest things. I mean, Elliot got into her makeup the other day and she threw a temper tantrum. I'd be angry too, but I would have just yelled at him. She actually broke glass because she lost control of her magic. Mum says twelve is just an emotional age."

"You were never like that at twelve," Hayden said looking me right in the eyes. "In fact, you've never acted spoiled. Your siblings do, and so do mine."

It could have just been my imagination, but I felt like we were sharing a personal moment. As much as I loved my Godmother, I felt annoyed with her at that moment. She had to appear at that moment to interrupt.

"Hayden, Hailey wanted you to go up and say good-night," Ashley called.

Hayden and I looked away from each other and up at her. She was just crossing the patio to stand at the edge of the pool.

"Oh hello Michelle," she said with a smile.

I wondered if she knew we were having a moment, and she wanted to interrupt because she was being an adult.

"Hello," I answered trying not to show my annoyance with her, especially since she was the reason I was there in the first place.

"I'll be right back," Hayden said to me.

All the Hoofer children seemed to be at Hailey's beck and call. At times I could be that way with her too. That little girl had everyone, especially her Godfather, Jared, wrapped around her finger. The thing was, she didn't even try. I didn't even know if she knew the power she had over everyone. I was disappointed though. It was definitely bad timing. I watched as Hayden swam quickly across the pool, and climbed out. I stared after him understanding why Cynthia felt so jealous. He was such a handsome young man, and he worked out as well. He looked good. Ashley watched him go and then turned back to me. She knelt down by the edge of the pool and beckoned me to come closer.

"I'd give him a few months honey," she said to me in a low voice once I was closer. "I doubt he'll get back with Cynthia, but it rarely works out with people if they get together right after a break up."

"You didn't interrupt us on purpose?" I asked suspiciously.

Ashley had always known about my crush on Hayden. I didn't know if the other adults knew, or still knew. They'd known about it years ago, but I did my best to hide it. I was sure Ashley was the only one besides my friends who knew about my feelings at that point.

"No," she told me. "I didn't even know you were here. I know Hayden came out here to get away from Alyssa. It's Hailey's bedtime, and you know she likes to stay good-night to everyone if she can. I wouldn't do that unless I had something to be suspicious about. I didn't even interrupt Cynthia and Hayden when they were alone together."

"So you don't think anything could ever happen between us?" I pressed.

She'd said that she didn't think she had anything to be suspicious about after all.

"I never said that honey," Ashley said. "As usual, you're thinking too much into what I'm saying when it comes to him. Right now it wouldn't be a good idea for you to try to get with him because he just broke up with his girlfriend. However, once I know he isn't on the rebound he will be interested in other girls, and yes I think you could be one of them. All I meant was if I knew you were out here, I wouldn't think you two were anything but friends because that's all you are right now. You know that too. So don't take offence when you don't need to."

I knew everything she was saying was true, even before I'd ask her. It was just hard sometimes when it came to him. I gave her a small nod. Then I thought more about what she said. She'd said that she thought I could be one of them.

"Can we talk more about this later?" I asked her. "I did actually come over for a girls night if you're up to it, but then I saw Hayden."

"Of course," Ashley told me. "I can start setting out some snacks for us. Does Ellen know you're here?"

I nodded. "I told her I was coming over here. I told her I might stay the night."

"Well I will get your room ready as well then," Ashley said. "If you want to keep hanging out with Hayden, go ahead. Ben is having a boys night anyway, and Alyssa is being punished. The other three children are getting ready for bed. I think Hayden will want to be alone once you're done hanging out, so we can spend some time together."

They had an extra guest room, but a lot of the time it ended up being my room. There were times when I ended up staying at Ashley's because it got to be too much at home. Sometimes I had a hard time getting along with mum, but it was also my siblings too. Ashley's kids didn't bother me as much as my siblings did. With three younger siblings who at times didn't want to leave me alone, I needed to get away. The summer after my first-year in fact, I'd spent close to a month at Ashley's. So while it was usually a guest room, they referred to it as my room too.

"Thanks," I said.

Ashley went in a few moments later, and I waited for Hayden. I loved the scenery of their yard. They had a huge backyard with gardens and trails and even some ponds. At night they had lanterns lit and it looked so beautiful and relaxing. It was almost romantic. Here I was, fourteen-years-old and hanging out with the boy I'd been in love with forever. I just wished it could be more than friendship.

"Michelle," Hayden called and I was pulled out of my thoughts to look up at him. "I hope this doesn't bother you, but Craig and Andrew want to hang out. I know you wanted to hang out with Ashley anyway."

I felt disappointed but I wasn't going to stop him from hanging out with his friends. I was sure he wanted some boy time after all. So I gave a small nod to show him I understood.

"We'll hang out again though," he said. "How about Sunday night? I don't have to work Monday and I know Alyssa and Clarissa want more responsibility with the kids. With two of them, they can handle watching all the kids on their own on Monday. I did with Minnie, and you did. I think that's part of Alyssa's problem anyway. She wants more responsibility, but you, me and Minnie get in the way of that. Even Charles does at times. So we'll hang out Sunday night if you want, and maybe a bunch of us can go out on Monday for lunch or something."

I nodded quickly. "That sounds good to me. Have fun with your friends. Tell Ashley I'll be inside in a bit. I just want to swim for a bit longer."

"Will do, if I don't see you for the rest of the weekend, I'll see you Sunday night," he told me. "Have a good-night, and maybe you can talk some sense into Alyssa while you're here as well. I think she needs an older woman who isn't an adult anyway."

I smiled when he called me an older woman. He gave me a smile, and then turned to walk away. I was disappointed, but it was better than what I could ask for. We were making a lot more progress than we had years ago. He obviously did like me, even if it was just a friend if he wanted to make plans for another day. Perhaps someday he'd see me more than a friend. Sunday night he and I would hang out together, and hopefully uninterrupted. I decided at that point I was going to stay the weekend at Ashley's. I would spend some time with my godmother that night, and the next day with Alyssa. I still had some clothes at Ashley's so I didn't have to go back home unless I wanted to.

When I went inside, it was to find Ashley sitting at their kitchen island with some snacks on some plates. Most of it was healthy, but there was some junk as well. She usually liked to make a variety of snacks when we did this. She also had some butterbeers out.

"Is Alyssa still awake?" I asked her.

"I imagine so. She's probably pouting in her room," Ashley told me.

"Is she grounded for the weekend? I thought her and me could have girl day tomorrow. I know she's been giving you some problems lately," I said. "I just wanted to go up and have a quick chat with her before we get started."

"Go ahead," Ashley said. "You are one of the few people who can get through to her. She won't even listen to Hayden these days, and she used to. Normally she'd talk to Ellen or Brianne, but not lately. I think it's because they're adults. You might be one of the few she'll talk to. You don't have to tell me anything that she says. I just hate this new attitude she has. She's never given me problems before."

"I'll be right back," I informed her.

I hurried through the kitchen, into their living-room and up to the staircase. I always wondered what it would be like to grow up in a house like this. Our house was a decent size and roomy, but this was a mansion. I knew Ben had inherited money but Ashley and Ben had increased it quite it a bit. From what I heard, they had quite a bit of money before Ben had inherited. He had actually received the money until he was twenty-five. It was no wonder Alyssa acted spoiled sometimes. She probably felt like a princess in a place like this. I had to wonder how it would affect Hailey one day when she realized how much of a hold she had on everyone.

When I got upstairs, I decided to check on each of the kids first before I went to Alyssa's room. Hailey's room was the first. There was a night light on, and she was already fast asleep even though it couldn't have been a half-hour since Hayden had gone up to see her. I envied the younger children when it came to that. I used to be able to fall asleep right away, but not anymore. Usually I laid awake for a while before I fell into sleep.

Next I went into Cameron's room which was attached to William's by a bathroom. He was sitting up in bed, and reading a book. Ashley and Ben usually let their kids stay awake for a half hour or so after their bed times. As long as they were in bed, it was fine. The lights would magically turn off on their own when it was time for them to try and sleep.

"Michelle," Cameron said happily when he spotted me. "How come you are here. Are you baby-sitting tonight?"

"No, I'm hanging out with your mum tonight," I told him. "I just thought I'd say good-night to each of you before we had our girls night. What are you reading?"

He held up one of the recommended Transfiguration books that we were asked to read during our summers. We didn't have to, Professor Deplacer usually gave us a list of books to read for us to have a better understanding. She felt that we would understand better than just reading through a text-book. I had to admit, the books did help. They usually had a story to go with it rather than just a boring formal answer as to why a spell worked. To my mothers surprise, I usually read them because I did find them interesting.

"Alyssa let me borrow it," Cameron answered my unasked question.

I didn't have to ask however. Cameron loved to read. It was strange because William hated it. I knew twins couldn't be compared. Minnie's younger twin brother and sister were definitely different, and it wasn't just because they were brother and sister. I just found it odd how one twin could be found with his nose in a book all the time, while the other twin was more into Quidditch and other physical things. My mum often remarked that William and Cameron were Ben, but split into two.

"You don't even have to read that book until your second year," I said with amusement.

"I know, but I want to be prepared," Cameron said. "It's my last year of Primary school and I still can't do magic the way William does."

The twins generally got along, but they did have some sibling rivalry. With William, he hated that Cameron got better grades but he could do magic already without a wand. In my opinion however, William couldn't control the magic as well as he used to. I felt just as it had with Hayden, it was slowly fading away. Hayden used to be able to control magic without a wand, but then it stopped. I quickly explained this to Cameron who shrugged.

"Maybe, but Hayden is quite powerful with a wand," Cameron answered. "I think William will be the same. I don't think that I'll be completely useless with magic. I believe I will be able to do it, I just don't think I'll be quite as good. I think I'll be the same as mum."

"You mum is good in magic," I reminded him. "I've heard she is doing really well in her department. Once Hailey starts school, she is considering doing some travelling-"

"I know all that," Cameron interrupted with a wave of his hand. "However, mum did struggle at first. Once she was able to do a spell, she could do it forever. It's just she didn't get it right away. I think I will be the same way. I think William will be the same as dad, but more powerful."

Sometimes Cameron seemed older than his ten years. At times I thought he could be fourteen like me. He seemed so smart and mature. On the other hand, he had his anxiety issues and he could be as vulnerable as Hailey. William seemed to act his age more than his brother did.

"You could be right, but you have two parents who are good in magic," I told Cameron. "I think you'll be fine."

"Either way, I want to be prepared for my first-year," Cameron told me. "Besides, the book isn't boring. Alyssa was right when she said I'd like it."

"Well, I'll let you continue to read. I'll see you in the morning," I told Cameron. "I just want to say good-night to William and Alyssa."

"Night Michelle," Cameron said with a smile.

After a quick chat with William, who was of course reading a Quidditch book, I headed into Alyssa's room. She'd always had a very girly looking room. Ashley and Ben had definitely decorated it to her tastes. Over the last year, it had changed a little to represent Hufflepuff as well. It still had her girly touches, but it also screamed Hufflepuff. It was amazing how Ashley's mother could make a room look so good. I could never do it. She'd helped decorate our house and my room as well. I didn't change my room for Hufflepuff. It still looked the same as it had when we'd moved in, but she'd made it so it would grow with me. So it wasn't childish.

Alyssa was sitting in her window seat. She had her feet propped up against the wall, and she was gazing out the window. From her position, if she'd been there earlier, she would have seen Hayden and me swimming in the pool. She had her head leaning up again the glass of the window while she gazed out. She actually looked quite vulnerable and innocent at the moment. She could have been a little girl again if it weren't for her height, which was almost my own.

"I'm not allowed visitors," Alyssa stated without looking up.

"Your mum said I could come in here," I said as I crossed the room.

There was enough room for me to sit on the edge of the window seat with her, so I took a seat. Alyssa sighed and looked over at me.

"I'm surprised you're here. It's Friday night," she said. "Don't you and Catalina normally have some big slumber party with your followers?"

"I don't have followers," I said with irritation.

I hated it when people called them that. They were all my friends, even if we weren't all close. We just got along well. People always called them my gang of girls, or my followers, or my clones. Catalina was my best friend, but I got along with a lot of people. I hated it when people thought we were just empty headed girls. Perhaps some of them were, but no one followed me or did what I said.

"Sorry," Alyssa said with a shrug. "So how come you're here? Mum and dad don't want you to baby-sit do they? I thought this summer was going to be my summer."

"No, I am just visiting with your mum tonight. Catalina had plans tonight, and I haven't talked to anyone else. I just wanted to say good-night to you and your siblings," I answered her. "I wanted to talk to you too. I'm having a girls night tonight with your mum, but I thought tomorrow you and me could hang out and talk. You seem as if you need someone to talk to."

"I'm grounded for the weekend," Alyssa told me.

"Your mum told me we could hang out," I told her.

"So basically you want to have a talk with me, and then you can tell mum what I say? I know they aren't happy with me lately," Alyssa said and she looked annoyed now. As usual, I couldn't help but notice how beautiful she truly was, even when she was annoyed. She'd inherited her mum's pretty eyes, but she looked almost like her Aunt Brianne but prettier.

"Actually it was my idea," I said. "I just know you haven't been happy. I know Clarissa is your friend, but we're friends too. You've always come to me with things. You've told me things you haven't told Clarissa. You know that I would never tell your mum anything you don't want me to. I've kept so many secrets for you. Your mum doesn't know half the stuff you got up to last year. You know you can trust me, so I don't know why you're so suspicious now."

"Because mum and dad said I can't hang out with anyone this weekend," Alyssa answered. "I believe you I guess, it's just I'm surprised they're letting this happen."

"Well I suggested it to your mum, and she said it was fine. Also, you know your mum has never really pried," I answered.

"She's really angry with me this time though," Alyssa replied. "I can't remember the last time that mum and dad were this angry with me. Maybe when I snuck off to Hogwarts when I was seven to see Hayden. Otherwise, they've never been like this with me."

"Well you obviously did something then," I answered. "But we'll talk more about that tomorrow. For now, I am just going to go visit with your mum. Tomorrow, you and me will talk about anything and I won't tell Clarissa, or your mum or anyone anything you don't want me to."

Alyssa gave a small shrug. "Okay, but be prepared to be spending the day in here."

When I left her room, I couldn't help but wonder what it was that she had done. It was true, Alyssa was normally the good girl. Other then some things that she probably shouldn't have been doing at Hogwarts, she generally didn't do anything wrong. Usually it was the twins or Hayden that Ashley and Ben had to punish. Alyssa acted a bit spoiled, but she and Hailey were usually the good ones. I couldn't help but wonder why she was suddenly acting out.

Downstairs, Ashley was just writing on her message parchment when I entered the kitchen. I joined her at the island, and grabbed the butterbeer she had set out for me. It was nice and cool and I wondered if she'd put a cooling charm on it considering it had been sitting out for a bit.

"I said good-night to each of the kids," I informed her. "Cameron seems quite ambitious. He's reading second year books."

"He gets insecure about William," Ashley said with a shrug. "I have a feeling he's going to be the same as Ben had been when it came to school work. I think he'll be a prefect in his fifth year. I wish he wouldn't compare himself to William. He's very smart and talented on his own, but it bothers him that he's never been able to control his magic. Ben was always so insecure about Barry, and I feel like Cameron will try to prove himself the way Ben used to do."

I nodded thinking the same thing. I could understand however. What would it be like to have a sibling or even a twin that could do something you couldn't? Even though I knew I was smart, I felt that my own seven year old brother was going to be better than me in school. I thought back to Alyssa, and I wondered if perhaps she was facing some insecurity as well.

"So what exactly did Alyssa do?" I asked her.

"She was blaming me for what happened with Hailey at dinner tonight," Ashley answered and I thought back to Hayden who had brought that up. I felt instant anger with the younger girl. Didn't she understand what that had done to her mother?

"Hayden did say something about that, but I didn't know that happened today," I said thinking I would have to tell her off the next day for it. How could she do that?

"The twins were asking about it, and so was Hailey," Ashley answered. "Hailey has shown maturity beyond her seven years, so I felt we could talk to her as well. We included Alyssa as well of course, and Hayden in case they had more questions about it. We did that last week. Alyssa seemed to be brooding about something, and perhaps that was it. Tonight at dinner, she just let it all out. It wasn't just me however. She started to bring up things about Ben... I don't know if you remember that Ben had a bit of a break down when he was a full time Healer. Well, she threw that in his face, and some of the things that happened at Hogwarts as well," and she let out a sigh. "I knew we should have been more careful when we talked about our stories. We've never told them directly some of our wrong-doings at Hogwarts, but we've talked around them. Sometimes adults forget that kids listen and remember."

"But that doesn't give her the right to bring it up like that," I said. "Did it just come out of no where or did something lead up to it?"

I thought about Alyssa earlier that day. She had seemed happy when we were all swimming. Nothing she had done told me that she could be angry about anything, but then again once Catalina showed up, I stopped paying attention.

"It could have been Hayden refusing to talk to her," Ashley said. "I think that Alyssa wants us to treat her more as a grown up, and I admit we haven't been. I think she is frustrated because we still treat her as a little girl, and she is a year fresh out of Hogwarts. We do let her stay up later now, and she is allowed outside for as long as she wants as long as she doesn't leave the yard to go to your place or anyone elses. However, we haven't been letting her do anything else. Hayden had more responsibility at her age. I think she sees that and she is acting out. Hayden still treats her like a little girl, and I think she wanted to talk to him as an adult and he wouldn't let her. So she acted out when he ignored her."

"About the break up?" I asked and Ashley nodded.

"Hayden didn't mind talking to us about it, but he didn't want to talk to her," Ashley explained. "So I think she took it out on Ben and me."

"Still doesn't excuse it," I answered.

"No, but she is at that age. Michael and your mother were the same way. When they were frustrated about something, they would lash out," Ashley answered. "I was worried Hayden would be that way, but he really wasn't. He had his moments, but he's just been a typical teenager. I think Alyssa is going to be the one we're going to have to worry about," and then she sighed, "but I shouldn't be talking to you about this."

I gave a small shrug. "I don't mind," I answered.

"You wanted to talk about Hayden," Ashley said with a smile. "You know, I am glad to see you took my advice when you were nine. You have been dating, and you've even had some boyfriends. However, you do still get a bit insecure when it comes to him. It's not that I'm spying, but I've seen you with other boys your age at your parties. You've never been shy around them, but with Hayden you're almost the same way I was at that age."

"I've never had strong feelings about those boys," I answered and I glanced at her. "It doesn't seem odd to you to talk about him like this? I mean, he basically is your son."

"Cynthia used to sit here and talk to me about him," Ashley said. "I know you don't want to hear that. She used to ask me advice, and she'd want to have heart to heart chats about him. I actually prefer it to be honest with you. I want to like any of the girls, or boys for that matter that my kids date. I'm glad that girls can come to me. I doubt it will be the same with Alyssa."

I actually didn't mind hearing her tell me that. I never knew that Cynthia had talked to her. I knew that Ashley had liked her. I couldn't fault her for that. Cynthia was a nice girl after all. I couldn't hate her even if she'd been with the boy I wanted. It wasn't her fault that Hayden had liked her instead of me, and I knew the two of them had liked each other for years. To her, I was just another one of Hayden's little sisters or cousins. She never knew how I'd felt.

"Don't you ever wish that it was Minnie," I asked. "I know everyone had high hopes for them."

"We used to joke when they were younger about that, but I want Hayden to be happy. If he ever only sees Minnie as a friend, I'm fine with it. We would never force them. I honestly believe that Minnie and Hayden will only ever see each other as brother and sister. I don't know if he will be interested in you Michelle, but if he does, I'd be happy with it. I don't see why not since you're a beautiful girl, and you two get along but there is also the fact that he may just see you as a little sister. I don't want you to get hurt Michelle, but that being said, I think when enough time passes, you should go for it. I would have regretted it if I'd never told Ben how I felt," Ashley answered. "Hayden no longer sees you as a little girl. He is hanging out with you more than he used to, which I told you would happen eventually. I remember when you thought he'd always ignore you."

I remembered those days as well. It was the summer before he and Minnie were going away to Hogwarts. I'd ignored most of my friends that summer because I'd wanted him to notice me. I'd spent my days hanging out with the younger kids. The problem was, he watched us but he spent most of his time just talking to Minnie who usually showed up to help him baby-sit. I'd felt so depressed that summer because he'd ignored me the entire time.

It was the same way the summer after that, but I hadn't wasted my time being depressed about it. I'd taken Ashley's advice and just hung out with my friends. He hadn't really said much to me then either. It wasn't until the summer before my first-year that he started to pay some attention to me. He could tell I was nervous, so he'd given me some advice but he still hadn't hung out with me. He'd told me that I could go to him for help if I needed it however.

Close to the end of my first-year was when he started to pay attention to me more. It was when we started our study sessions together. He let me and Charles study with him so we could pass our first-year exams. That summer, he talked to me more. Although I had been happy that he was noticing me more, I was also upset because he'd just gotten together with Cynthia. At times he would talk to me about her and I had to pretend to be okay when he did. I knew I had to be grateful for the fact that we were slowly developing a friendship.

"He might always just see me as a friend though," I said. "I'm glad he notices me now. We do have an age difference though. He's going to be seventeen soon, and I just turned fourteen."

"Right now," Ashley answered. "I told you this before Michelle, It could take time. You don't want to stress about something that may or may not happen. Take it from me. I know."

"I know you do," I said thinking back to the way she had been with Hailey. My problems were actually quite minor compared to hers, but it still hurt when I thought about Hayden with another girl.

"Perhaps he just sees you as a friend and a little sister right now, but maybe he doesn't. I believe you should keep trying to be his friend, and try to hang out with more. You two could grow closer. Seventeen and fourteen could seem like a lot now, but in a few years it won't be. I'll tell you this much though, he was upset when Craig fire-called him to come over. He wasn't going to go because he was hanging out with you. I'm not saying it means he likes you the way you like him, but it does mean he cares about you," Ashley told me. "If he saw you as just a pesky little sister, like he does with Alyssa right now, he wouldn't have cared about leaving."

"Do you think seventeen and fourteen is too big of an age difference?" I asked her and she shook her head.

"It depends on the couple really Michelle. In my opinion, you two would get along but I could also be biased given that your my Goddaughter and obviously I like you. If you two dated, I'd be happy and I know Ellen and Keith would rest easy knowing it's Hayden and not some boy they don't know," she told me.

"Okay, so what if Hayden brought home some fourteen-year-old girl that you didn't know. Would you be okay with that?" I asked.

"If she made him happy," Ashley said. "Three years really isn't a big deal, especially since he's a sixth year and your a fourth year. I saw it happen plenty of times at Hogwarts, and the couples were fine. You seem to be making a big deal out of the age difference. Last year you wrote to tell me that a fifth year boy asked you out on a date to Hogsmeade. Wasn't he the same age as Hayden? You went with him did you not?"

"Yes," and I wondered if I should admit to her what was really bothering me about the age difference. Did she know that Hayden and Cynthia had sex? Hayden seemed years older than me just because of that.

"So what's the problem then?" Ashley asked.

"Hayden is... well more experienced," I answered.

She nodded with understanding and I guessed she did know.

"Hayden would never pressure you or any girl," Ashley answered quickly. "He never pressured Cynthia."

"But I don't want to have sex either way," I said surprised how relaxed she seemed by the fact that they'd had sex, and I was bringing it up. "I know mum was fourteen when she had it, and I don't want that. I think I want to wait a while, especially since I don't want to end up a teenage mum. Hayden might not pressure me, but he not be satisfied with a girl who won't have sex either. I've heard that once boys have had it, they expect it."

"Some do, but if they care about the girl enough, they won't pressure them. I am relieved to hear you say that however, Michelle. One of my fears, and your mothers is as well, that you kids will have it too young. I didn't even agree with Hayden and Cynthia having it, but I was glad he came to me for advice about it," Ashley said. "He wanted to know the spell for protection and about condoms."

"And you let them?" I asked surprised. "Even if you weren't happy?"

"Well, it's not as if I let them shag up here," Ashley said and she rolled her eyes. "I didn't let them go up to his room alone. But really Michelle, how could I stop them? They're at Hogwarts ten months at a time, and there are plenty of places to go. I could have told him no, and refused to tell him the spell but what good would that have done? He would have done it anyway, and likely out of spite and no protection. He could have ended up making Cynthia a teenage mother if I wouldn't help him."

She did have a point there. She could have told him not to sleep with her, but he'd do it anyway. Just as I would if I ever wanted to have it. Mum or Ashley, or anyone could tell me no, but I knew when I felt ready for it (and I didn't think it would be at least for a few years) I would do it regardless.

"As much as I hope all of you will wait, I know it could happen, and I'd rather you be informed and I know your mother feels the same way. That being said, if you and Hayden ever do date, and if it's any time soon. It's something you'll have to talk to him about. It's something you'll have to talk to any boyfriend you may have. If you are not ready, any boy will respect that if they like you, and they won't pressure you. Communication is key to any relationship. No boy, even my god son, is worth it if they aren't happy with your choice to wait. I believe if Hayden does end up having interest in you, he'll likely already know your experience level, and he won't pressure you. He also won't date you knowing that you won't want it, if he can't live without it in a relationship. Hayden has too much respect for girls to make them do something they don't want to do. He would just find someone with the same experince level. As I said, just continue to be his friend and if something happens, it happens. If not, keep dating other boys and you may find someone you like better than him. I wish I could give you all the answers you want, but I can't. Just be careful, don't let any boy pressure you, and don't wait around forever for Hayden if he only ever sees you as a friend. It might not be something that will happen, and I don't want you too hurt if it doesn't."

"Okay, but on the odd chance that you ever find out that he likes me back, will you tell me?" I asked her.

"Yes, I can do that for you," Ashley said. "In fact, if I have your permission, I'd even tell him how you feel if he ever confessed something that."

"Only if he confesses," I said quickly. "I don't want him to know otherwise."

"Well I've kept your secret for five years so far," she told me with a smile.

Later that night, I went to bed thinking about Hayden. Ashley told me that he'd been upset when Craig fire-called him. Was it because maybe he did have some feelings for me? Even if it was just because he didn't want to leave his friend, it still made me happy. I was sure I fell asleep smiling that night.

The next morning, I helped Ashley with breakfast. Ben appeared to be hungover and so he wasn't much help. He was just picking at his breakfast. I watched as Ashley poured what she called a hang-over potion into a glass in front of him. Alyssa was picking at her breakfast too, but I knew it was for different reasons. Only the twins and Hailey were talkative that morning. Usually breakfast at the Hoofers was loud.

"Dad, why do you drink if it makes you feel bad?" Cameron asked as Ben drank back the glass of smelly potion.

"Because it only makes you feel bad the next day," he answered. "Take a lesson from me. Don't touch the stuff until you're seventeen kids."

I saw Alyssa smirk at that point. She'd had her first taste of alcohol a few months ago. Although I'd done my best to keep her from trying it, she and her friends still snuck it. She ended up being hung-over the next day. Hang-over potions were basic, so I'd secretly brewed her up one even though it had been hard to hide it. There weren't many places in the castle that you could make a potion. Generally you had to be in the classroom to do so. I'd manage to make a fire in the girls bathroom in a fire-proof basin and make it. I'd never even told Hayden, who would have been furious with her about it.

I saw Ashley looking at Alyssa who didn't notice and I saw her sigh. She must have known what the smirk was all about. She pursed her lips together but she didn't say anything. It was something I hadn't talked to Alyssa about it afterwards, but perhaps that day I would bring it up as well. I didn't say much, I just helped put the breakfast out before I sat down to eat my own.

"When did you get here?" Ben asked when I sat across from him.

"She stayed the night, and she helped make breakfast Ben," Ashley said sounding amused.

"How did you not see her put the eggs on your plate daddy?" Hailey asked.

"I'm just not very observant sweety," Ben answered and then he looked at me. "You're always welcome here of course, but I'm just surprised you're here on a Saturday morning."

"She wanted to hang out with this old lady," Ashley told him.

"You're not old," I said and I saw Alyssa roll her eyes at this.

Our parents really were quite young. They'd had us when they were still so young. Ashley had been done Hogwarts, and she'd started her career but she'd only been twenty when she'd had Alyssa. By the time mum was nineteen, she'd had both Clarissa and me. Ashley was only thirty-two, turning thirty-three in September. Ben was the same way. My mum would be thirty-two that summer. Even Alyssa could admit they were young, but at the moment she didn't want to.

"You're sweet," Ashley told me.

"Alyssa and me are hanging out today," I told him and I wondered what he would say to that.

Given that he hadn't realized I was there, he likely didn't know the plan for the day. I knew he was strict when the kids were being punished. However, all he did was nod, so he must have understood why Ashley was letting this happen. William however must not have understood because his head snapped up quickly.

"Alyssa is being punished. I still think she needs a spanking dad," he said.

"Alyssa is too old for spankings, as we've told you already, William," Ashley said. "And if you keep telling us to spank her or your brother or Hailey, maybe we'll have to forget that you're too old for them too. I don't know why you get so happy when your siblings are punished, but I wish you would stop instigating things. You can spend the day in your room too if you're going to keep it up."

"I don't get why Alyssa gets to have a friend over when she is being punished," William insisted. "I'm never allowed."

"Don't you worry about it," Ben told him. "Keep it up, and maybe it's you that will have the sore bottom instead."

"Why am I being punished for no reason?" William whined.

"William," Cameron said and he shook his head at him.

William let out a sigh but he didn't say another word. A lot of the time it was only his twin who could stop him from escalating things. I glanced at Hailey who was watching all this without saying a word. Normally she kept quiet when her siblings argued or they were getting told off. She seemed out of place at the table. All the Hoofer's, even Ashley, had brown hair and brown eyes. She had blond hair and brown eyes. She could have been my sister instead. Ben said it happened sometimes with his family. His cousin Sam, who I'd met a few times was someone who had blond hair even though the rest of his siblings didn't. I wondered why that was given what I knew about genetics. Generally the darker hair would dominate the blond. She did look similar to Alyssa however, but with blond hair and lighter skin.

"I want to go swimming after breakfast mummy," she said now. "It's nice and sunny out today."

"As long as Cameron and William go out with you," Ashley answered.

"I wanted to fly," William muttered.

"I can swim with her," Cameron said. "I don't want to fly."

"You never want to fly," William said. "You know, we do need to practice being Beaters. We want to be like the legendary Weasley twins."

Cameron didn't answer. I knew he had no desire to play Quidditch when they went to Hogwarts. He never played in Primary school unless it was during gym class. William had it in his head since they were twins that they would be like Fred and George Weasley had been. Cameron wanted to part of it however.

"Not today," he finally said. "I'd rather swim. I bet it's going to be as hot out as it was yesterday. Michelle, are you going to swim with us."

"Maybe later," I said. "Alyssa and I are going to hang out for a bit," and I glanced at William who looked annoyed again but he didn't answer.

No one was about to explain to him why Alyssa and me were hanging out. I had a feeling even Cameron understood what was going on. Sometimes I did talk to the other kids too when they were being punished. William seemed to be the only one who thought that she was being rewarded. Hailey didn't appear to care, but she rarely did. She was still quite young however.

"I get so sick of William when he gets like that," Alyssa said to me later after we went up to her room and the door was shut. "He even gets excited when Cameron gets punished. Last night at dinner, he kept telling mum and dad to spank me. He was almost punished for the weekend himself. Sometimes he even tells them to spank Hayden, and he's going to be seventeen soon."

We walked over to sit at her window seat.

"Well hopefully it's something he grows out of soon," I said not really sure what to say to that. I didn't really understand either why he'd be happy to see his siblings punished. I usually felt bad when mine were, even if they deserved it.

"So I suppose you do know what happened at dinner last night," Alyssa said. "If mum and dad are letting this happen, I am sure mum told you everything."

"Yes," I answered and I felt my annoyance with her return. "How can you blame your mum for that? You have no idea what she went through. I remember everything from those days. So does Hayden. She had a break down when she thought she'd lost Hailey, and even for years after that she was stressed out about it. That night wasn't her fault."

"I know it wasn't, and I don't blame her for it," Alyssa said. "And I regret saying it to her. I'm going to apologize later. I was just so damned angry last night, and just things came out. Mum shouldn't have even been there that night. Even if she wasn't pregnant, or didn't know it. She should have stayed at Grandmum's with us. I remember everything too."

"Is that why you're angry?" I asked with confusion. I knew it had stressed her out, even though she'd been only four. I remembered her confessing her fears to us back then about her mother.

"Not exactly. I mean, it does make me angry but I'm not angry with her if that makes sense," Alyssa answered. "There's a lot of things that people should have or shouldn't have done, but it doesn't change anything. I know mum would change everything if she could, but I still stand by my opinion on that, and I know plenty of other people do too. Daddy wouldn't have even wanted her there even if we weren't born. I've just been feeling angry lately, and then I think about that and it was making me angrier even though it shouldn't have been. I was just letting everything build up."

"Okay..." I said slowly.

I did understand what she meant. It angered me that mum had me so young, but I wasn't angry with her. In the past, I would brood about it and if something else was bothering me, and I thought about that I would get angrier.

"So what is bothering you that made everything erupt last night?" I asked. "Is it because Hayden wouldn't talk about his break up with you?"

"Not exactly," Alyssa answered. "It's what brought it on, but if he doesn't want to talk to me about it, then he doesn't want to talk to me about it."

"So-" I began again but Alyssa continued.

"He still sees me as a little girl, just as my parents do. I've been feeling this way since I got home, and that made it worse. It wasn't that he wouldn't talk to me, it's that he told me it was 'grown up' talk and that's when I exploded," she explained. "Hayden was my age when he got to baby-sit everyone. Mackenzie gets to look after Peyton without Charles around. So many of my school friends get to look after their siblings without supervision. You get to. Mum was younger than me when she started baby-sitting."

"But you get to help me," I told her.

"But that's just it Michelle," Alyssa said with frustration. "I get to be your special little helper. Hayden has his own job now, so the responsibility for my brothers and sister should have gone to me. Damn it, I just want to be in charge of my brothers and sister since I am the oldest. No one ever takes me seriously though. All I get told is: 'Maybe next year,' or as you said: 'Oh you're Michelle's special helper,' but I don't want that! If I talk about it though, I get ignored. If I act out as mum calls it, I get called spoiled. Even by you, Clarissa and Hayden!" She said her voice getting louder now.

"If I'm so spoiled, why do I want to work to earn my own money for school? If I am so spoiled, why do I even want some responsibility? If I am so spoiled, why did I work so hard on my grades last year? It's not just the family, it's people at school too. I'm just a spoiled little rich girl who is trying to coast through life on my looks! I know I am pretty, but I have never used that to my advantage. I want to get somewhere in life, but not because I have money or because I am pretty, but because I earned it!"

She jumped up now from the window seat and started to pace.

"I know I am not perfect, and I have done things that I've gotten in trouble for... and well some of the stuff like drinking last year," Alyssa added in a lower voice now as she looked at me. "But otherwise, I am usually good. I didn't get any detentions last year. I am in the top five of the year. All my teachers had good things to say about me. So basically, I have never given my mum or dad a reason not to trust me. Mackenzie has been in more trouble than me. Hayden has been as well. All of them get to baby-sit at my age, but I don't. So why am I still treated like a little girl when last night is probably the first time I've really done anything too childish in a long time?" Alyssa asked me. "What have I done to make mum, dad and even Hayden think I am too young and can't be trusted."

"Nothing," I stated. "Look, I know I said we won't talk to your parents about anything you don't want to, but this is something we will talk to them. I'm not telling them about the drinking or anything else Alyssa, but they need to know how you feel about this. After you and I have a talk, and I know there is more you want to talk to me about, and I have some things I want to talk to you about, we're going downstairs to talk to your parents about this."

It was true. Alyssa was usually good. My own sister got into trouble more than she did. The most Alyssa had done was snog random boys, and drink alcohol. Eleven in my opinion was too young for that, I felt that way at eleven, but several girls did it anyways. Alyssa was no worse than the girls or even the boys in her years. Her parents didn't even know about that stuff either, so in reality, she hadn't done anything to make Ben or Ashley think they couldn't trust her.

In my opinion, they did trust her, but they just didn't want her to grow up until recent events. I knew Ashley was worried that Alyssa was doing more than she let on, given her reaction to Alyssa's smirk last night. She'd also of course told me the night before that she was worried that she would have more problems with Alyssa than Hayden. It was why me and my little god-sister needed to have a chat. I was about to tell her more things than even Clarissa knew. Maybe even Catalina for that matter.

I almost expected Alyssa to argue with me, but she just gave a small nod and then joined me at the window seat again.

"Now, I have a few things I do want to talk to you about," I said. "And I hope you do listen."

"I will," Alyssa answered. "When did you get to be so grown up? I have older friends and younger friends. You seem closer to Hayden's age than just two years older than me. Catalina and Alexis are immature compared to you."

"Oh I have my moments," I told her. I didn't think I was more mature than the average fourteen-year-old. "But I will explain that to you as well. I do have my reasons why I try to be mature. We'll talk about that later."

"So what did you want to talk to me about? It wasn't just about dinner last night was it?" Alyssa asked.

"No," I answered. "I was going to talk to you anyway, and Clarissa. I just kind of worry about the two of you. Last year, you two kept snogging so many different boys and I think about mum and everything she got up to in school."

Alyssa smirked and then rolled her eyes. "I don't know about Clarissa, I mean she says she won't, but really I can only speak for myself. I'm not planning on taking my clothes off for the first boy who is willing. Michelle, you have snogged boys between relationships."

"I didn't snog when I was eleven. Last year at the Halloween party, you and that Lance boy were quite wrapped up into each other," I said.

I'd never considered kissing anyone in the first year, unless it was in my fantasies about Hayden. Even when Charles and I had our 'relationship' when we were nine, we just held hands. We thought kissing was gross. I didn't get my first kiss until close to my thirteenth birthday. My little sister and her best friend did it so casually. Perhaps they had even kissed boys in Primary school.

"It's just kissing Michelle," Alyssa told me. "I've known these boys since I was four-years-old. I don't plan to sleep with anyone any time soon. I don't want to be a teen mum, and the idea of sex terrifies me anyway. This is exactly what I am talking about though. People, including you, make assumptions about me. I've listened to the talks from mum, dad and even your parents. I am listening to you too. I know mum had sex with Jared in a broom closet, and I don't plan to do that. Our parents might not have cared about the consequences of casual sex, but I do. I want a career. I'm not going to be married with children at the age of twenty."

"And you've hit the nail on the head about why I'm so 'mature,'" and I used finger quotes when I said the word 'mature,' "Mum was just a month or so shy of her seventeenth birthday when she got pregnant with me. She was with my dad of course, but I also know about the things she did in school. It wasn't just the sex, but she slacked off on her school work, she drank all the time, she got detentions and it was her pregnancy with me that was a wake-up call. I don't want to be in that situation. So I am doing everything that is the opposite of what mum did. It's just, I see Clarissa going the same way mum did. Her marks weren't very good last year."

"And because she is my best friend, you think I do it too. My mum was your mum's best friend and they weren't the same. My mum certainly did her fair share of dumb things in school, like sleeping with Jared, but no offence, she didn't do the stupid things your mum did. So I don't know why you're so worried about me. You say yourself that you're nothing like your friends. You should give me the benefit of the doubt. It should be Clarissa that you're having the sex talk with, not me," Alyssa told me. "I know you mean well Michelle, but I promise I'm not going to do anything stupid. I'm not doing anything worse than a lot of girls my age do. You know Harriet actually let a boy feel her up... not that she had anything to touch. I just kissed and that's it."

"I thought you said that Clarissa wasn't planning to have sex," I demanded.

"She says she's not, but like I said, I can only speak for myself," Alyssa told me. "I can't read her mind anymore than you can read Catalina's. All I know is what I just told you. All I am saying is that if you are worried about someone following in your mum's footsteps, it's not me. I haven't done anything bad, and I don't plan to. Besides the snogging, which I don't think is bad, the worst I did last year was get drunk once."

"And that was something else I wanted to talk to you about," I said. "I just think if you drink, you should pace yourself."

"Trust me, if I drink again, I will be," Alyssa answered. "I was curious about drinking, so I drank. I didn't like what happened the next day. I liked the buzzed feeling, but I don't want to wake up puking ever again. I don't know how mum and dad or any of the other adults do it."

"They're used to it," I said, "but I don't get it either."

"Is that all you wanted to talk to me about?" Alyssa asked. "Because no one has to worry about me. I don't know if it's because of the family I come from, but I feel like people hold me to a higher standard than most people my age. I don't know how the Weasley's do it. Everything they do ends up in the prophet or the Witch Weekly. At least we're not famous, but we're a big family, and we have money so people gossip about us too. If I were just a normal every day girl, no one would care."

"I'm sorry," I said. "I shouldn't have made assumptions but it's hard for me not to worry about you. I'm not doing it because I think you're a bad girl or anything. I just feel like you're my younger sister. I've known you my whole life. I should have talked to you before I made assumptions, and so should everyone else. I do admit, I was worried last year that you'd turn into one of those party girls."

"Well I won't," Alyssa said. "I plan to have fun, but I won't be like your mum or my mum. Don't you ever think that they just got lucky?"

"What do you mean?" I asked with confusion.

"Well think about it. Your mum is doing really well with her articles and her party planning but she ended up pregnant at seventeen. Not too many teen parents could end up with what she has. My grandmum was only eighteen when she got pregnant with my Aunt Jaime, and it took her forever to have money. My mum grew up poor, and it wasn't only because my real granddad died. They would have been poor anyways. My mum married into money," Alyssa said.

"In a way you're right," I said understanding now. "My mum said that dad is one of those rare teen boys to step up, but our mums did work hard. I know your mum had a learning disability, and she struggled in school. She made more money than your dad did before they got married. She had more money than him before he got that trust fund you know."

Alyssa looked at me with shock. Perhaps she hadn't known all that. I did, but I also talked to Ashley a lot more than Alyssa did. I'd wanted to know more about her childhood and how she'd managed to accomplish all she did. I honestly looked up to my godmother more than I did my own mother. She'd worked hard all through Hogwarts, and I think even if she hadn't married Ben, she'd be as accomplished as she was now. Perhaps she wouldn't live in a mansion, but she'd be well off. I told all this to Alyssa who raised her eyebrows and shook her head.

"I never knew all that. I just always thought mum got lucky enough to marry into a rich family," Alyssa answered. "She never told me any of that."

"Maybe you should ask your mum more questions instead of just judging her," I said.

Alyssa shrugged. "Maybe, but it's hard not to make assumptions when you just hear things."

"And that could be why people assumed the things they have about you," I pointed out to her.

"I guess," Alyssa said. "You seem to really care about my mum. Is it just because she's your godmother. Your mum is my godmother, and I love her but you seem almost defensive about mine."

"I just know she's been through a lot," I answered. "And it really did make me angry that you would bring up Hailey to your mum."

"I'll talk to her about that," Alyssa assured me. "We all say things we don't mean when we're angry. It was just Hayden saying 'grown up' talk that set me off. I knew it was wrong even when I was doing it."

"Are you ready to talk to your parents right now?" I asked her and she nodded.

I smiled, feeling happy that I had gotten through to her. I did worry about my own sister though. I was going to have to have a talk with her as well. We had all summer for that though.


	2. Chapter 2

Alyssa

"I feel nervous," I said.

"Don't be," Michelle said.

It was hard not to feel that way though. I'd said a lot of awful things to my mum and dad the night before. I truly hadn't meant anything. I knew I shouldn't have thrown what had happened with Hailey in my mum's face, and it had been Hayden I was angry with. My parents were so angry with me. I couldn't remember the last time they'd been so angry with me, except maybe the one time when I was seven.

Mum and dad had let me go to Hogwarts with them to visit Hayden. I wouldn't find out until years later it was because of some issues he'd been having with his mother at the time. A few weeks after that, they'd gone to Florida for a week and I'd been so angry with them. I didn't know at the time it was because my mum needed a vacation because of her stress. I remembered how we'd gone to Hogwarts the first time, so while I'd been staying with friends of theirs, I'd used the floo network to get Hayden.

When my parents got home, I'd been spanked and then grounded for weeks. They had never yelled at me that way before. Generally when they were angry with us, they would talk in low but stern voices. That was the first and only time until last night that I'd been yelled at. I very rarely got spanked, but I'd almost been worried I would be when William had told mum and dad to. The last time mum had spanked me I was nine, and I'd gone into the pool when I shouldn't have. I felt that if they didn't think I was too old, I probably would have been. It wasn't the pain I cared about, but the humiliation of it that would bother me.

Now I was just nervous that my parents were still angry with me, and that maybe they wouldn't forgive me. I'd take the spanking, or being grounded all summer if they would just forgive me. What if mum hated me for what I said about Hailey? I'd said some mean things to dad too. What if he hated me for that? What if they never trusted me again?

"I'm going to stay with you the whole time," Michelle told me and she took me by the hand. "We'll get through this."

I'd always admired Michelle. It was true that she seemed older than she really was. If I had to choose to have a big sister, it would be her. I did consider her to be my older sister since she was my mum's goddaughter. Hayden by all accounts was my big brother. Although, from what my mum has said, Michelle, Clarissa and their brothers were actually related to us somehow. We were distant relatives which was strange since my mum was muggleborn.

We headed down the steps and I kept my grip on Michelle's hand as we went. We didn't have to go far to find my parents. They were in the living-room and talking. I glanced at them nervously. Mum and dad had expressionless looks as they looked at me, so it was hard to tell their mood. Generally I could tell what they were thinking by just looking at mum. She was not good at hiding her emotions at all, but that day she seemed to be doing her best to do so.

"Alyssa wanted to talk to you," Michelle said and she nudged me forward. "Tell them everything you told me."

"I want to apologize first," I said. "Mum, I didn't mean anything I said last night and I should never have said it."

I didn't want to cry, but I could feel the tears already burning in my eyes. I blinked quickly and felt a little embarrassed but I also wanted to give her a hug. I did have a lot of memories from when she'd been pregnant with my baby sister. I remembered what happened afterwards as well. I know she'd been stressed about it, and I could remember the days of her crying. I remembered trying to reassure her that everything would be okay. At four, it was scary to see my mother crying.

I was taller than mum now, and I was probably much too big and old to sit on her lap. However, I couldn't help myself. I rushed forward over to her. She welcomed me however. As if I were four-years-old again, she pulled me down on her lap herself, and wrapped her arms around me tightly. I continued to apologize to her and dad who had put a hand on my shoulder.

They didn't say a word to me, they just let me talk. They let me apologize and then explain exactly why I'd been so upset. Just as it had all come out so easily to Michelle, I was able to vent all my frustrations that I'd been feeling since I'd gotten home from Hogwarts.

"I just want to be treated more like a grown up," I finished. "I know last night I wasn't very grown up, but most of the time I am. I was just so angry. I just don't get why you don't trust me."

"We do trust you," dad said.

"This is just our mistake of not wanting you to grow up," mum said with a sigh. "You were out of line, and you are still grounded for the weekend, but you are right. You are old enough to be responsible for the twins and Hailey. So, starting Monday, they will be your responsibility. We will pay you to look after. But- and there is a big but- when everyone comes over during the day, I do want Michelle helping you. It doesn't mean that you're not in charge of them. It just means that with all the extra kids over, we want an extra eye on everyone. That also means that you need to look out for the younger ones too. You know that Shelly gets protective of Elaina and Mikayla. She doesn't let them play unless there are a lot of eyes on them."

"I look out for everyone anyways," I said. "I just wanted to be in charge of my own brother and sister. Hayden was in charge of everyone before his first-year. I just hated not to be trusted when everyone else is."

"It wasn't about trust honey," dad said. "Other than last night, and the attitude you've been giving us since you got home, you haven't done anything to make us feel otherwise. It's just parents having a hard time letting their kids go. You are twelve now, and yes we should be letting you do more. Just as we had with Hayden. We both apologize for that."

"Now about the drinking," mum began and I shot a look at Michelle who was sitting in an armchair, taking this all in. Had she said something about it even though she said she didn't? She gave me a small shrug. My parents didn't miss our exchange.

"Michelle didn't tell us anything," dad said. "At least not to me."

"She didn't say anything to me," mum said. "I caught your smirk at the table this morning. It was a knowing smirk, as if you were hiding the fact that you'd been drinking. Look, we know there is going to be parties and drinking in the common room but you just finished your first-year. I don't want you-"

"Mum," I interrupted. "It was one time only that I drank. I promise you that. I was curious, and I drank too much. I puked so much the next day, and I haven't touched any since. I don't know if I want to touch any more."

And it was the truth. My parents had their parties all the time with the alcohol and so did the older kids at school. Even Hayden had started to try out alcohol and I'd wanted to know what all the fuss was about. So Clarissa, me and a couple others snuck some from the older kids. I did understand why they enjoyed the buzzed feeling, but the next day had been awful. I couldn't understand why Clarissa hadn't been as hung-over as me. She'd had a lot more than I did. If it hadn't been for Michelle with her potion, I likely would have spent the whole day in bed.

"You don't have to worry that I'm going to go crazy or anything like that," I continued.

"I just wish you could have talked to us," Ashley said. "I know we're your parents and you're not always going to tell us everything, but this is something you should have talked to us about. You never explained your feelings about this. All you did was get angry with us, and I'm sorry honey, but it's hard to take you seriously or grown up when you react that way. You said you don't want people to think you're spoiled, but the attitude you were giving gave us that impression."

"You were acting like a little girl who couldn't stand to be told no," dad added. "That's all we saw. We didn't realize it was because you were just frustrated."

"Well," mum said with a sigh. "I did wonder about that, but I wasn't sure. I should have talked to you more as well. From now on Alyssa, we are going to treat you as the grown up that you want us too. However, you have to act like one as well. This means we are going to start holding you to a higher standard than we used to. That being said, you are still being punished. I know you are very sorry about last night, but you are to stay in your room except for meals until tomorrow evening."

"I know," I said and I leaned forward to give mum another hug again.

I got up and then bent forward to hug dad as well. "I'm sorry for the mean things I said to you too dad," I added. "When Hayden comes home, can you send him up to my room too? I want to talk to him and apologize as well. But," I added. "I want him to see me grown up too, even if he doesn't want to talk about his relationship problems with me."

"We will, but I don't think he'll be home until tomorrow," Ashley said.

I nodded and then walked over to hug Michelle as well. If it weren't for her, things wouldn't be going this way. I knew that mum had let her visit with me to talk to me, and not to let her stay as a friend. William didn't understand that. He thought I was being rewarded or something when it was the opposite.

"Thank you for the talk," I said to her.

"Anytime," Michelle told me. "Just remember everything I said."

I smiled at her and then left the room. Some of my frustration for the most part was gone. I would have to spend the summer proving myself, but part of me did still feel annoyed. I couldn't hear them the night before, but I knew that Michelle and Hayden had been talking about me. They obviously hadn't seen me sitting in the window, or else they hadn't cared. Either way, they both kept looking up at my bedroom window when they were in the pool. I was sure the stuff they'd talked about were the things that Michelle had talked to me about.

Maybe it was my own fault, but I didn't like for people to think that I was going to be a slag or something. Sure I knew I was a pretty girl, and what was wrong with that? Why did I have to hide that fact? It wasn't as if I made less prettier girls feel bad. It wasn't as if I used my looks for my benefit. I just knew I was pretty, and I showed off at times with clothes and makeup. I didn't wear the slutty clothes some girls wore, but I did wear pretty and nice clothes. I wore makeup and I liked to do my hair. Why was that so bad? Why did people have to talk behind my back about how I was a spoiled rich girl? I was just an empty-headed pretty girl who thought I could use my families money, and my looks to get somewhere in life.

That wasn't it at all. I loved my mum, don't get me wrong, and I did admire her, especially given the latest information that Michelle had given me. However, I wasn't going to be married with a kid at twenty. I wasn't going to get pregnant at sixteen. I had inherited my mum's gift in Charm's, and I felt I could also be as smart as dad was. I wanted to follow in mum's foot-steps when it came to her career in Charm's. I wasn't sure if I wanted to be in Experimental Charms, or just to make a difference. Either way, I didn't want any kids or a marriage to hold me back. I wanted to be established somewhere before I had a family of my own.

So for people to think that I was probably just going to be a slag or party girl bothered me. A lot of the girls in my year had snogged random boys. No one else judged them so much as me, and I felt it was because of my family. I didn't really talk to the Weasley's much, but I knew they were also watched as well. Rose Weasley was a year above me and there had been some gossip about her. All she had done was snog a boy she was dating, and rumours went around that they had sex. They were only twelve, and I didn't want that for me.

I hated at times that I came from a well known family. Even if what I did wasn't printed in the papers, it was still frustrating. I wished I could be as unknown as my mum had been back in her days at school. Yona, a girl in my class was so shy and hardly anyone knew her because she hadn't gone to Primary school. I was envious at times when it came to her life.

What could I do to prove to people that I wasn't just a spoiled rich girl? All I wanted was to be treated like everyone else. I respected that maybe Hayden didn't want to talk to me about Cynthia. It wasn't that at all. It was that he called it 'grown up' talk and left it at that. Perhaps I shouldn't have pestered him so much, but I just hated hearing 'grown up' talk when I was almost ready to start dating myself. I could understand break ups even if I hadn't had a boyfriend. He didn't see me as a young woman about ready to date myself, he probably still saw me as eight.

After having a talk with Hayden, I was finally released from my prison. I loved my bedroom. My grandmother had spent a lot of time making it look nice for me, but after being confined to it for a weekend, I couldn't stand being in there anymore. I hated being locked up, especially when it was so nice out. I wanted to enjoy my freedom to relax while I could. I loved school, but it could be demanding and I did plan to try my best to be a prefect in my fifth year. In fact, the only good thing about being locked up in my room all weekend was that I got ahead on my school work.

I wasn't sure if Hayden did truly see me as grown up, but he did promise to back off. I had a really good memory, and I remembered when he was my age or younger. I remembered how demanding he'd been to have his freedom, so I didn't see why it was so unreasonable for me. Sometimes I felt that my parents gave into his demands because his mother had abandoned him. It seemed to me that at times they just wanted to please him, and they were worried about upsetting him. Why else had he been given privileges much younger than me?

It was just the responsibilities, but they'd always let him be in the know. I could remember when I was four, and Hayden had known what happened to mum and Hailey. He'd told me even back then that it was grown up talk, and he'd been eight or nine back then. Mum and dad been so reluctant to talk to me about it. What bothered me in a way was that they let Hailey know, and she was seven. I understand that it affects her more personally than me, but I'd ask the same question at her age, and mum and dad had refused to tell me. They wouldn't let William and Cameron know until just recently and they're ten!

Was it because my parents felt they needed to please Hayden and Hailey? I knew mum was scared that Hailey might someday hate her for what happened, and I wondered if that was why she was a bit spoiled. Mum and dad always talked about not wanting to spoil us, but usually they gave into Hailey. The things was, my little sister didn't even act spoiled, but someday I wondered if she would realize what was going on and take advantage of it. I felt that the twins and me often got shafted when it came to Hayden or Hailey because mum and dad didn't want to upset them.

I knew they loved all of us equally, and I didn't believe it was favouritism thing, but more of a fear thing, or maybe even bribery. It was what irritated me the most, and I believe that is also what set me off at dinner. Hailey had a right to know of course, but why did she get to know at seven but William, Cameron and me always had to wait until we were older for things? Hayden was of course our big brother, but I was the oldest biological kid. I just wanted to be treated the same way Hayden had been. I might have had parents that loved me, but that didn't mean I should be treated as if I couldn't be taken seriously either.

At times I believed the twins were going to have a harder time than even me or Hailey. Hailey would always be over-protected, but I felt they wouldn't be given responsibilities or anything until they were even older than me. I could see William getting frustrated by this. I was nine when I learned about Hailey, the twins were ten. I was about six when I was allowed to start going to our neighbours by myself. The twins weren't allowed until shortly before their eighth birthdays unless it was Michael's or Ellen's. Hailey was allowed shortly after the twins were.

It was hard not to compare it all when I really thought about it, and I believed our parents did this out of guilt. They had no reason to feel guilty when it came to the twins or me, but they did with Hailey, and Hayden obviously had his issues. I had to wonder if I'd be allowed to come and go when I was fifteen or sixteen the same way Hayden was. Would I be allowed to go to Diagon Alley by myself this year? Hayden had been allowed to go with friends.

My parents had their usual Sunday dinner party the day my punishment was over. This was something that had been going on my entire life, and even before. Sometimes we had them at our place or one of my grandparents. Usually if it was at one of my grandparents, it was just the family. When mum had her parties, or even Ellen did, it was most of the people who lived in our neighbourhood and the family. So our yard was full of people.

I was grateful for the fact that once dinner was over, anyone over the age of twelve was allowed to go swimming at Ellen's place. Our pool was a good size, but when everyone was over, you didn't get much room to swim or even talk. The little kids didn't like to leave you alone either. I was pleased to actually be part of the group that was allowed to go swimming without the adults around anyway.

When we got there, I brought my thoughts up to my friends and cousins. They all knew about my frustrations lately. Aside from Clarissa who still had to basically listen to Michelle, they were all allowed to watch their younger brothers and sisters. The only reason Clarissa couldn't was because Ellen wanted to let Michelle do it for as long as she wanted to, but Michelle technically wasn't in charge of Clarissa.

Even Richard who had very protective parents was allowed to do what he wanted now, and he was in charge of his younger siblings.

"None of you had to talk to your parents about letting you do more did you?" I finished off.

"Charles and me are so close in age that mum has never felt the need to have him in charge of me," Mackenzie said with a shrug. "Other than bedtimes anyway, we've always been allowed to do the same things at the same time. We're taking it in turns with baby-sitting too. One day Charles is in charge of Peyton, and then I am," and then she kind of glared at me. "And Alyssa, you know you're one of my best friends and my cousin but you shouldn't have said those things to your mum."

"I know I shouldn't have," I said with irritation.

I felt extremely guilty about it all as it was, and I was tired of the lectures. It was horrible for me to have thrown what happened to Hailey in mum's face. I would never ever forget the hurt look she wore, not even when I was an old lady with grand-children. My stomach hurt every time I thought about what I'd said. I felt guilty what I'd said to dad as well, but I felt worse about mum. Hailey disapproved of what I'd said, she'd yelled at me for it. She was only seven and she had more sense than I did.

"Lay off on her," Richard told Mackenzie which surprised me.

I felt that Richard would have been one of those people who would tell me off for it. He wasn't exactly like my Aunt Brenda who had disapproved of any wrong-doings, in fact, he did things that she definitely wouldn't approve of. However, he was extremely sensitive to people's feelings. He would be the first person to stand up to a bully. We had some people in our year that weren't well liked, and he would always stick up for them. Even if he didn't like the person himself, he didn't like for people to hurt their feelings or bully them. I knew he sympathized with my mother a lot.

My mum didn't know it, but my Aunt Brenda was angry with her for years about what had happened. She'd just never said anything about it to my mum or dad. I remembered the days when I'd be at her place, and playing with Richard only to overhear her badmouth my mum for the risk she'd taken. One evening when she did this, we were about eight-years-old, Richard had actually told her to shut up about it. I'd been shocked because I didn't know any kid to ever tell their parent to shut up, but it was also strange to come from a kid who used to try and follow the rules all the time. He had stood there and told her to stop blaming her and badmouthing her for it.

Now when I look back at it, I realize just how amazing it is. Eight is still quite a young age, and he understood even back then the stress that my mum had felt. I'd always admired him for that. I felt it was one of the reasons why sometimes he felt the need to rebel. Aunt Brenda and Uncle Milton had strict rules for the kids, so that was one of the reasons, but I also felt he was angry with his mum for the way she treated my mum. So it was surprising to hear him stick up for me.

Mackenzie was obviously surprised by this too, because her eyes widened when he said this and then she shook her head.

"Richard, you're normally the one who is most vocal when it comes to Aunty Ashley," she said. "How can you defend what Alyssa said."

"I'm not at all defending what she said," Richard told her but he looked at me. "And I agree you shouldn't have said it, but I can also tell that you're feeling very bad about it," and then he looked back at Mackenzie. "Why make her feel worse? Especially when she's admitted it was wrong, not only to us but to her mum. She apologized to Aunt Ashley for it. It's not right to keep throwing things in people's faces. You doing that is just as bad as when Alyssa did it."

"He's right Mackenzie," Clarissa said, "and believe me, I was angry with Alyssa too. I said some words to her about it on our message parchments Friday night, but it's over now."

Emma who wasn't quite twelve, but would be and also a friend of ours even though she was actually just starting her first year had stayed quiet during all this. We knew her from a friend of my mum's, Tara. We'd been having play dates since we were kids, and she now lived in our neighbourhood. She had actually been given responsibility of her brother, Hunter that summer too. It was something that had annoyed me since the girl was younger than me. She was generally a quiet girl.

"I agree with Richard," she spoke up now. "I can't speak for myself, but a lot of people didn't like my mum when she was at Hogwarts. Sometimes her old school friends throw what she did in school in her face, and she hates it. She bullied Alyssa's mum, and yet Ashley is one of the first people to stick up for her. Mum has nothing but respect for her, and she hates it when people try to use what happened with Hailey against Ashley, but I also know people make mistakes. I can also tell that Alyssa is sorry."

"Okay, okay," Mackenzie said with a smile. "I get it. I just really love Aunty Ashley. I know you're sorry about it. Alyssa, I don't honestly think it's about trust. I think you're right when you say it's a guilt thing. I think your mum is scared of something happening to any of you again, so she is probably going to hold on tighter to all of you. Everybody knows that she was extremely stressed for years afterwards. My parents were very worried about her for so long. They still worry because mum thinks your mum might have an eating disorder."

"I think she does too," I said quickly when I thought about the way she picked at her meals.

In Primary School, we'd actually been taught about eating disorders in our health classes. My mum did show signs of it, but she did eat every meal. She ate less than everyone though, and she was obsessed with exercise. A lot of people thought she was too thin even though she said she wasn't. I knew that she didn't weigh that much more than me.

"And that's why I said anything," Mackenzie said. "I just think with your parents, you probably always will have to keep reminding them just because of how worried that are. I don't think they are over-protective like Aunty Brenda is, but I think they're just having a hard time letting go. I know it might sound hard, but you might have to bare with it."

"You're just repeating what your mum has said," Richard said but with amusement. "I've heard Aunt Brianne say that exact thing to my mum."

"Okay and maybe I agree with her," Mackenzie said with a smile. "No offence but your mum does it just to be strict. Aunty Ashley and Uncle Ben just worry because of what they've been through."

"I know, believe me. I've talked to mum about how strict she is. I heard she's always been like that though. The thing is, I'm not afraid to tell mum what I think. She can ground me or do whatever, but I'm not going to let her control my life that way," and he grinned showing perfectly white teeth, "I can tell it annoys her because she just wants me to be the perfect obedient son. She just doesn't realize it makes me want to challenge her. I'm a lot smarter than she realizes. I know how her mind works. She lets me do things, but she does still see me as a little boy. She thinks since I'm twelve, I can't be taken seriously and I don't understand, but I do. I've always been one step ahead of her. I just feel bad for Anthony and Dakota."

"This might sound rude, but is your family trying to beat the Weasley family with all the kids?" Emma asked. "I mean, mum is happy with two kids but all of your parents seem to want a lot of kids and there are even two sets of twins in your family."

"No, they just wanted big families," Richard answered. "People do compare us to the Weasley's a lot, but it's not that at all."

"It's actually annoying," I added quickly. "But it's because we are too big families and we're both well known. I think mum and dad only planned on a few kids, but then Hayden happened and they definitely weren't expecting twins. I like having a big family though. My cousins are my friends. I think it's what mum wanted because she grew up with no friends until she went to Hogwarts."

"I'm just glad we're not famous," Mackenzie said. "You know Rose and Albus are friends with Scorpius Malfoy now and it was in the papers. People dissect every part of their lives, and everyone knows that Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy were enemies in school. So their kids being friends was a big write up in the prophet if any of us hang out with our parents enemies kids, no one cares."

"I'm not meaning to compare you if that's what you think," Emma said quickly. "It's just something I've always wondered."

"Well with Uncle Barry and Aunt Tasha, they only wanted one more kid," Richard said. "They were surprised to have twins. Mum is done having kids too now. She didn't expect to get pregnant with Dakota so soon have after Anthony. She actually could have had him too early like Aunt Ashley did. I think it's why she has stopped being so mean about it behind her back. She realized that things that you can't control do happen."

I looked at Richard surprised about this. I hadn't known about that. I wondered if my parents knew. They likely did. It was probably something that they would have considered adult talk however. The boys were so close in age that they were actually the same age at times. Anthony had just turned four in January and Dakota would be four in November. It made sense however. I knew your body needed time to heal between babies. If it weren't for the September first cut off date, they would have ended up in the same year at school.

"I never knew that," Mackenzie said speaking for me instead.

"Well they didn't even want me to know, but it was hard for me not to. Mum ended up having to be in bed rest for the last two months of her pregnancy with Dakota. It was right after that I think she stopped blaming Aunt Ashley. She used to try and be subtle about her opinion with Hailey. She'd pretend that she let something slip and apologize but she was actually doing it on purpose."

"Wait a minute," Mackenzie said slowly. "When Hayden and Michelle were about to start their first-year, your mum made that comment-"

"It was on purpose," Richard said quickly. "She said she 'forgot'-" and he used finger quotes to say the word: forgot "-but she actually didn't. No one could forget something like that. She knew Aunt Ashley was stressing out still, and it was her way of making her feel bad. She knew Aunt Ashley couldn't get pregnant again, but Aunt Ashley is so forgiving that she was able to get away with it. It was why I actually finally yelled at mum about it because it bothered me. I've been angry with mum for that comment for years, but like I said, I'll never throw it in her face because she is sorry now. It just took her almost losing Dakota to realize it."

"Our parents can be immature still sometimes," Clarissa said. "Has anyone else noticed that? They tell us we need to try and grow up and be responsible, especially if we fight. They do the same thing. I can't imagine doing what Brenda did and I'm twelve. I bet not even Elliot would do that."

"Even they can be," I said and I nodded over to where Michelle, Charles, Hayden and Minnie were standing in the pool. "Grown ups can be so confusing at times. What I did was bad, but what Aunt Brenda did is ten times worse. I don't know if I can forgive her for that, even if she is sorry and if it happened years ago. I remember her making that comment, and she seemed so sorry. I do remember wondering how she could have forgotten when she talked behind mum's back all the time about it. That explains everything."

Everyone else murmured the same thing. Out of all my aunts, even my Aunt Jaime, I liked Aunt Brenda the least. Aunt Jaime didn't like to be in our lives too much just because of the magic, but she was always nice to us. She was never strict or anything. She never insulted anyone or got on her high horse about anything. Aunt Brenda was so strict with us, and she even tried to tell all of our parents what to do when it came to us. I'd overheard her telling my parents just that day that I should have been grounded for much longer, and that they were actually rewarding me by letting me baby-sit. Now I felt angry with her since she had done the same thing but worse!

"Anyway, that's why you should give your mum and dad some slack," Mackenzie told me. "I don't think they do it on purpose and I think you just have to keep talking to them. They agreed right away to let you baby-sit."

"Well, not right away, but you lot are right," I said. "I'm thinking of talking to them about letting us go to Diagon Alley on our own this year. Do you think your parents will let you?"

I wanted my friends to be on board with this. If their parents let them, there was no way that mum and dad could use the excuse that I was too young. If mum tried to tell me that she wasn't their parents (as she did at times) I would remind her that she let Hayden and Minnie go on their own. If I could have Richard, Mackenzie, and Clarissa with me, mum might be more reasonable about it. I was sure Emma's mum would want to be with her for her first time.

"Mum already told me that I'm going on my own this year," Richard told me.

"Mum said that Charles and me can go on our own," Mackenzie informed me.

"Michelle and me are probably going the same day," Clarissa said. "So maybe we call all just agree to go at the same time. If all of us go, your parents will probably agree to it. You know that Michelle won't want us to follow her around. So we'll probably be able to go on our own anyways. Maybe even Minnie and Hayden will go with us. You know that they will let us hang out on our own."

"I'll talk to mum and dad later then," I said quickly. "Let's stop with the serious talk now. Thanks for listening to me though. I know I seem like I'm whining, but I'm tired of people not taking me seriously when they take other people my age seriously."

It felt good to be the one responsible for my siblings after that day. I could tell that William resented this the most. Cameron really didn't care, and of course Hailey didn't, but William didn't want someone just two years older looking after him. He told me many times that when I wasn't home, he was the oldest, and he should be in charge, even of Cameron. He was born seven minutes before Cameron and he liked to hold that over his head.

Mum and dad also listened to me more. When I went to talk to them about going to Diagon Alley with my friends, they were okay with it. There was no hesitation or arguments. It was mum who agreed right away, and dad just nodded. The surprising thing was, Hayden said he'd go with all of us that day, but I think mum and dad didn't care either way. I think they were just happy that all of us were all going together to do it.

A couple weeks after my punishment, I went into Hayden's room. I was hoping by that point since time had passed, he would talk to me about Cynthia. I hadn't said a word to him about it since that fateful Friday night. If he said no to me again, I wasn't going to argue or anything that time. I just wanted him to talk to me about it. I'd always liked her, and I did wonder why they broke up. I thought that they had seemed happy together. Not only that, but I was curious about something else. I noticed he was spending more and more time with Michelle. I thought it looked as if he liked her. I knew she liked him.

"Are you working on homework?" I asked him when I went into his room.

He was sitting at his desk and writing on a piece of parchment. He smiled at me and set the quill down. He waved his hand back and forth, so that told me he had been writing a while. His hand likely hurt if he was doing that. Often I had to do the same when I'd finished writing an essay or something.

"No homework after fifth year," he told me. "They don't know what classes we are keeping next year. I'm just writing to mum."

"Oh," I said automatically disapproving.

No one thought he should write to her, but he did anyways. He had a sister the same age as Hailey who his mum actually kept just because she isn't magical. I wanted to have a good conversation with him though, so I didn't voice my thoughts about this. My mum was his mum. That other woman had given up her rights to him along time ago.

"She wants us to meet up for lunch some time this summer, but I don't think I will," he told me. "I'm not ready to see her yet. Maybe in a couple years I will see her. I'm happy with us just writing back and forth."

"Is that why she hides when she comes to the train station? Because you don't want to see her?" I asked.

"No," Hayden said. "She just does that willingly. I was angry with her when she did it in my first-year, and I almost stopped speaking to her-" and I wished he had "-but now I actually don't care. I don't know how I feel about seeing her again to be honest, not even on the platform. Anyway, you're not here to talk about mum."

"No," I said and I hesitated. "If you don't want to talk about it, we don't have to, but I just wanted to know what happened with you and Cynthia. I'm not trying to be nosy, it's just I liked her and you two seemed close."

Hayden sighed and nodded at a chair he had beside the desk. I think he had it there for mum and dad. He liked for one or the other to sit with him at times when he worked on his homework. He liked either just talking to them, or having one of them help him out. Sometimes I envied his relationship with them. He seemed closer to them than I did. I took this as a good sign, and sat down.

"I don't mind now," Hayden said. "I probably should have even talked to you before. I'm doing my best not to see you as a pesky little sister anymore. I know you mean well. I shouldn't have called it grown up talk. Minnie told me that's probably what set you off."

"She's right," I said. "But I should have just backed off the first time you said no."

"We both could have done things differently that night," Hayden said with a shrug. "Anyway, Cynthia was just getting more and more clingy and jealous. I will never see Minnie that way because she is just a sister to me, like you are. Cynthia just wouldn't listen though and she wouldn't even let us hang out by ourselves even though she was my first best friend. I just got tired of it, but it wasn't just that. I just stopped having feelings for her. It was just a long time coming, and I should have broken up with her a while ago."

"And now you like Michelle," I stated. "I always liked Cynthia, but I think you and Michelle will make a good couple too. I bet mum and dad would love it, and so would Ellen and Keith."

Hayden looked at me sharply and I wondered if I hit a nerve, but then he looked worried.

"Who told you that?" He asked me.

"No one told me. No one has to tell me. I can see it between the two of you. She likes you too," I said. "So I don't know why you two don't get together."

"Did she tell you that?" Hayden asked looking pleased now.

"No, I told you. I can tell. I've seen the two of you together. I know she used to like you years ago, and maybe it just never went away. She was so sad when you went away to Hogwarts your first-year. It was why she hung out with us that summer instead of her friends. You were baby-sitting and she wanted you to notice her," I said.

Hayden ran a hand through his hair. He always did that when he was frustrated.

"Now I feel like a prat, but I didn't know, and besides I didn't take her seriously back then. I didn't know she liked me," he said.

"I overheard mum and Ellen talking about it," I said. "Michelle didn't want anyone to know and mum and Ellen thought she would get over it. I don't think she ever did because I could see how she looked at you."

"Why didn't I talk to you before?" Hayden asked but I don't think he was actually expecting a response. "What else do you know or think?"

"Are you going to ask her out?" I asked excitedly.

"No," Hayden answered quickly. "I just want to hear your thoughts on this."

"But why not? You like her, and she likes you," I said.

"I'm going to be seventeen in September, Alyssa. Michelle turned fourteen in March," he told me. "I'm going to be of age, and as much as Ellen and Keith like me, I'm sure they wouldn't be happy with their fourteen-year-old daughter with a seventeen-year-old."

"It's like two and a half years," I told him. "She'll be fifteen in March. You're in sixth year, and she is in the fourth year. I doubt any one of them will care. That's not good enough reason. Name another one. It can't just be the age difference."

"She's innocent compared to me," he answered and he shifted uncomfortably in his chair. "Never mind, That's not something I want to talk about with-"

"Can you date a girl without shagging her?" I interrupted. I knew he was going to say he didn't want to talk about his sex life with me, but I knew he'd had it. Over the Easter Break I'd covered for him when he and Cynthia had gone to his room. I knew exactly what they were doing in there.

"That's not a topic-" Hayden began.

"Just answer the question Hayden. It doesn't have to be Michelle. It can be about any girl. When you are ready to date again, can you go without shagging the girl, or is it a requirement?" I asked not backing down.

"Sex doesn't make a relationship Alyssa," Hayden sighed.

"That doesn't answer the question. You know what I'm getting at Hayden," I said. "Stop thinking I am too young for this. I know about the facts of life, and I know you and Cynthia had sex. I know that when I covered for the two of you when she came over that you shagged. So just stop pretending I am too innocent for this conversation."

"Look, this still isn't easy for me. It's going to take some time for me to get used to talking to you like this. Alyssa, you're going to feel the same way when Hailey is your age and you're mine. It's not easy for me to talk to you about my sex life. And I definitely never want to hear about yours. To answer you question, no, I don't need to have sex. I'll miss it, but if I like a girl enough, I'll never make her feel she has to have sex with me, especially a fourteen-year-old."

"So that's not an excuse either Hayden," I pointed out to him.

"I'm not ready to date someone so quickly after a break-up," he answered. "Even if I like the girl. I don't want to end having her be a rebound or something. Usually a relationship right after a break up doesn't work. Our parents were an exception to that, but otherwise it usually doesn't work for people."

"But when you're ready, you could ask her out," I said. I was confused about what he meant when it came to our parents, but I would get to that later. "You can't use your ages or the shagging as an excuse. You both like each other."

"Our families are close as well. It would be the same if I dated Minnie and we broke up," Hayden told me.

I felt that was actually the weakest out of every one of his excuses, and I told him this. Hayden didn't seem to have anything to say to that.

"I just think once you're ready to date, you should go for Michelle. You two like each other, and you get along well. You know everything about each other and we all grew up together. In my opinion, you two would make a good couple," I told him. "I think you're just scared that's all, and that's why you're making excuses. It's the same with Cynthia. You took forever to ask her out, and until recently, it worked out."

"But there is a lot more to lose with Michelle," Hayden said. "Look, I appreciate your advice, and I am very pleased to know that she likes me back. I just need more time before I move into a relationship. Maybe when we go back to school, and if I feel the same way, I'll ask her to Hogsmeade."

"Ooh you should," I said excitedly. "I know that the Hogsmeade trips always start with Halloween. Hayden, that's plenty of time for all of you to have moved on, and for you to know if you truly want her and I think you do. I've seen the way you two are with each other. I don't think Michelle is a rebound girl at all," and then I frowned when I thought about what he'd said about our parents.

"Ashley dumped Denver for your dad," Hayden told me when I asked. "Denver and Ashley were off and on for years apparently. In their fifth year, Ashley realized she wanted your dad, so she dumped Denver and asked out Ben."

"I never knew that. I knew mum and Denver had a relationship at some point, but they made it sound as if it meant nothing... Hayden maybe you and Michelle will be like my mum and dad," I said excitedly.

"Like I said, I need time," Hayden told me. "This is something I can't rush, especially if it's with Michelle. I plan to just hang out with her this summer. Please do me a favour and don't tell anyone, especially Clarissa. Your friends don't need to know about this. Only Andrew and Craig know."

"I won't tell anyone, and I want to be the first to know when you date, even if you decide to keep it secret. I think you should let me know since I guessed and I'm giving you advice," I said to him almost expecting him to disagree but he just smiled at me.

"You'll know even before the blokes," he told me. "You really have been a lot of help. I really am sorry I didn't take you more seriously before. You truly are grown up Alyssa."

"Hayden, did you know that Aunt Brenda almost lost Dakota?" I asked him wondering what other information I could get from him.

It was something that had been bothering me since I'd found about it, especially given Aunt Brenda's attitude when it came to mum.

"No, who told you that?" He asked me.

"Richard," I answered. "It's why Aunt Brenda won't have anymore kids. Richard said that she ended up having to be in bed rest for the last two months. He said she almost had Dakota early, but they stopped the contractions in time, and she wasn't allowed to do anything, not even pick up Anthony."

He'd told me the rest in private after we'd come back to my place. I'd had asked him more questions about her pregnancy, and he'd told me all about it. I didn't know that it was possible to stop contractions and I wondered why they weren't able to stop mum's. I remembered that Hailey had been kept in a special bed for newborn babies, and I also could never forget her first few years of life. She'd been so sickly, but such a strong little girl. Even now when I got a stomach ache I could be a big baby about it. I hated being sick. Hailey never whined, even as a two year old.

"No one ever told me about that," Hayden answered. "But I would have been at Hogwarts for all that anyway. I remember thinking that she'd had them too close together, but I didn't know any of that."

"I guess it's something that none of the adults wanted us to know," I said and I couldn't hold back. "I just find it hypocritical of her I guess. I mean, I know she couldn't have predicted what would happen with herself, but-"

"What are you going on about Alyssa?" Hayden asked. "How can she be a hypocrite? She felt just as bad as everyone else did."

"That's the thing Hayden," I said. "She didn't. She was angry with mum for years until she almost lost Dakota. She just never said anything directly to mum or dad about it. That comment she made before you started at Hogwarts was actually a jab."

"Which comment?" Hayden asked he looked annoyed now.

"The comment about when mum and dad would have another baby," I answered. "Remember that? Everyone got so angry about it. I was only seven, but I understood how bad it was at the time. I knew mum couldn't have anymore babies after Hailey. I guess hypocritical isn't the right word, but I just don't think I can ever forgive her for that."

Hayden's face was slowly turning red now. It reminded me of the night when I had said the things that I had. I knew it wasn't me that he was angry with this time, but Aunt Brenda. I saw his jaw clench. He seemed to be trying hard to control himself, and it took a few moments. I watched as he clenched his fists but then relaxed his hands.

"Do Ashley and Ben know this?" He finally asked.

"No," I answered. "I always knew she was angry with mum because she talked about it in front of me. She's one of those people who think little kids are deaf and dumb. Richard told me the rest. You know, he told off Aunt Brenda when we were younger for that."

"Good," Hayden said. "Look, Ashley isn't stressed anymore. She never needs to know about that, and it's probably best if Ben doesn't either. They went through a really hard time during Ashley's pregnancy and afterwards. I remember comforting Ashley when she thought she lost Hailey. She doesn't need to know about any of that. It's why I was so angry with you. I mean, I know she's supposed to be the parent, and she's supposed to be the one looking after us, but that's a touchy subject. Sometimes I worry something might set off the stress again, and if she knows her sister-in-law felt that way, it could make her relapse. It's just... I lost a mother already, I can't lose another. It's why I get protective of her."

"Hayden, I know it's a touchy subject for you, but why do you still talk to your mum? You say that Ashley is your mum, and she actually is since she adopted you. Mum and dad gave you our last name, so why do you talk to someone who abandoned you for something you couldn't help? I can see that you're protective of mum, so you love her. I don't think you've ever really gotten angry with mum for that reason. It's like you said, sometimes you act more like her parent than the other way around," I said.

"It's hard for you, or anyone else to understand. Only Michael gets it," he answered. "I'm still angry with her for what she did, but it's hard for me not to want to talk to her either. When I first started to write to her, she told me that she would never be my mother, but we could talk to each other. I was really upset by that at first, because I just wanted my mother. Now however, I would never want her to be my mother. Ashley is my mum, and Ben is my father. Also, I wasn't always protective of Ashley. There was a time when I was angry with her as well. Before she almost lost Hailey I was angry with her, and then when I started first-year I was. Her stress used to bother me because I felt that since I was a kid, and she wasn't, she had no right to feel stressed by me. I stopped feeling that way when I realized mum was in the wrong."

"So if your mum ever wanted you back, you wouldn't go?" I asked.

"No. It's too late now anyways. I'll be legal age in the wizarding world in a couple of months, and in a year I'll be legal age in the muggle world," he answered. "Mum gave all that up when I was eight. Everybody believes I shouldn't be talking to her, but it's just hard for me to give her up completely. I just still want her to know what is going on in my life, and I want to know what's going on in hers. I know it sounds complicated, but none of you will ever get it. I'm glad you'll never have to understand."

"I don't remember much about her, but I know I don't like her," I said.

Hayden just gave a small shrug. "Anyway, that's why I get protective of Ashley. She stepped up to be my mother, and then she went through what she did. I just don't want to see anything happening to her. I absolutely cannot lose another mother. You don't know how scary it was during her pregnancy. Believe me, her and me have had our differences. I've had it with Ben too. There was a time when I even told Ben that he wasn't my father, and I felt so guilty about that for the longest time."

"Why did you tell dad that?" I asked him having a hard time imagining it.

Hayden and dad always seemed as if they could be friends more than father and son. Unless maybe that was why Hayden had said it to him. But then again, I was just finding out all this information about everyone. People were starting to take me seriously enough to share it with me. I was hoping I could start finding out more about mum and dads past from them as well. Hayden, who had always told me to go away up until recently seemed more than happy to keep talking to me now. Perhaps it was because I had given him good advice about him and Michelle.

"It was right after I finished my second year," he answered. "He caught me sneaking back in from hanging out with some of the guys in Diagon Alley. They'd all had permission except me because I was supposed to be baby-sitting the next day. I went out anyway, and Ben caught me because I used the floo. Ashley and Ben have it so it alerts them when people come through. I never knew that until that moment. We got in a big argument about it, and I said that to him. I regretted it for weeks, and I apologized to him for it. I still feel guilty even though he has forgiven me. He has done so much for me. He didn't have to take me in, but he did. He isn't actually my godfather, but he adopted me because Ashley is my godmother."

"No, he would have done it even if mum wasn't," I told him. "And Hayden, I was only four when mum was pregnant with Hailey, but I remember everything. There were nights when I couldn't sleep because I was worried about mum. So I do know how awful it was. It was scary, especially at that age to see mum just in bed all the time, especially when she cried a lot. I didn't understand exactly what was going on, but I knew something bad had happened, and then Hailey came and she was too small and I worried we'd lose both her and mum too. I even remember when dad went through his stressful time and then he was gone for a long time. He yelled at me even though he never yelled at me."

"I don't actually remember much about that," Hayden said. "I know he went through a rough time but that was before I moved in officially. Actually, I believe I moved in after he left or right before when I think about it. I know he seemed stressed but he was never around anyway because of his hours, and then he was gone and we lived in that flat before we moved here."

I nodded. "Do you think mum and dad will talk to me more about all that? I want to know more about their past."

"It won't hurt to ask them," he answered. "They probably will. They shared information with me when I asked back then and they do now."

"But they were sharing information with you even when you were younger than me," I said. "I remember when you were nine and you were telling me it was adult talk, and some of that stuff I don't even know now. They've always been open with you."

"Here's the thing," Hayden answered. "We've always had an open communication rule. They promised me that they would always tell me what I need to know. It first started with my mum, but it extended after that. I proved from a young age that I could handle the truth, and I always kept the secrets for them. I'm sure if you sit down and talk with them, they'll probably make the same promise with you."

I nodded and then I confessed my thoughts about how I felt that at times they were treating us differently based on how guilty they felt. Hayden stayed quiet while I pointed out my reasoning when it came to him and Hailey, but me and twins usually had to wait. Hayden either wore all his emotions on his face, or else he could remain extremely unreadable. I think when he was thinking about it, he would show his thoughts, but he wanted to hide his feelings, he could do it well. This was one of those times. I couldn't tell if he thought I was whining like a spoiled child (as I heard him call me a few times behind my back) or he if he agreed or if he was neutral.

"Actually, I've wondered the same thing at times, but if they do I don't think they realize it," Hayden said. "With me, I think it was the guilt but it's also like I told you, I proved myself enough times to them. I kept insisting that they treat me with respect, but it did take years you know. At times, they did still keep things from me to protect me. I have noticed that they are starting to do the same with Hailey. I don't know if it's because it's guilt or because Hailey is just a strong little girl. Maybe they just go by how they think we'll handle things."

"But I've proven enough times that I can handle things too," I said. "The only one of us that I don't think can handle things is William. Even Cameron, even though he has anxiety has shown that he can handle more than mum and dad have given us credit for. William is the only one that whines all the time. Cameron seems older than me sometimes and Hailey seems older than William sometimes."

"I agree. Alyssa, you do act spoiled at times, and maybe you just don't realize it. You are right though. Out of all of you, William acts the most spoiled. I don't mean to eavesdrop, but I've overheard Ben and Ashley talk. They often talk about which one of us they will have to worry about, but they really have no clue. It used to be me, and now it's you. I won't lie; I did worry about you too because you have your moments, but after our talk, I can see that even I was wrong about you. I heard things, and I made assumptions and I am sorry about that. I think out of the five of us, it's going to be William that they'll have problems with the most. Most people think it will be Hailey because we all have a soft spot when it comes to her, but I don't think so. I think she'll always be modest and humble. I think once William hits a certain age, all hell is going to break loose."

"Well I am going to try and keep an eye on him, especially once he goes to school but he gives me attitude when I baby-sit, so I can't see him taking me seriously," I said.

"We'll have to talk to Cameron as well to watch out for him. Cameron can usually stop him, but if not then we can always talk to Richard or Charles. He usually listens to them more than anyone," Hayden said with a shrug. "I hope we're wrong, but I just have a bad feeling. As for you, just go sit down with your mum and dad and talk to them again. It worked for you a couple of weeks ago, it probably will again. All you have to do is not give them attitude. You said so yourself that you don't like when William does it to you. It's hard to take someone seriously when they do that. It's why I couldn't with you. It's why sometimes Ashley and Ben can't with me when I get frustrated."

I nodded thinking I would have this talk with them soon. I wanted to know more about my fathers break down, but I also needed to hear more about their school days as well. Maybe mum would think I was too young, but I had to hear about why she felt that she should shag Jared in a broom closet. I'd overheard that, and I didn't like that. Not just because I felt my mum and dad belonged together, but because I knew it was a casual thing. Apparently it had been her first time when she'd done that. I didn't know when I would have sex. Maybe when I was Hayden's age, but I knew it was not going to be a casual thing. It was going to be with a boy I loved and trusted.

I also needed to know more about that night in Godric's Hallow. They had told me some things of course, but I still didn't understand. I knew mum didn't know that she was pregnant, but I still had to know why she felt she needed to go that night. I remembered that night well, and I remembered dad telling her to stay. I remembered her hugging us good-bye, and I remembered sensing that something was very wrong and I hadn't wanted her to go. I even wanted to tell her to stay, but I hadn't. Perhaps if I had, she would have.

There were so many things I wanted to talk to them about, and I wanted to know before I went back to school. Maybe they wouldn't tell me everything, but I hoped they would tell me some things.

Later on, I went back to my room to make a list of things I wanted to ask them. I ordered the list from most important to least important. Now all I had to do was convince them to talk to me.

During the week, dad sometimes had to leave for a few days. He worked at the Ministry as an on site Healer, but sometimes they didn't always have work for him there. Usually it went to the most senior members, and he was still quite new. He'd only been there since for maybe five years or so. So he had signed up to be able to travel to different places when people in the Ministry travelled, or if they just needed extra's somewhere else. A lot of the time he went on assignments with the Auror's or the Magical Law Enforcers.

I'd started to go to sleep in mum and dad's room when he was gone. Usually I stayed up later than mum during the week since she had to get up early for work. So instead of going to sleep in my own bed, I started to crawl into bed with her. I just felt the need to be close to her. I still felt incredibly guilty for what I'd said to her. She didn't seem to mind me sleeping in there. I'd stopped sleeping in their room when I was about eight or nine. I worried perhaps she'd tell me that I was too old to sleep in there, but she hadn't yet.

One morning, the day we were all supposed to go to Diagon Alley together, Hayden woke me up looking frantic.

"Alyssa, what are you doing in here?" He asked. "I went into your room to wake up, and you weren't there."

"I sleep in here when dad isn't home," I answered sleepily and then stretched. "Why? What's the problem?"

"I was worried when I didn't find you in your room or downstairs anywhere," he told me and then he smirked at me. "Do you have nightmares still? You do know there is a difference between dreams and reality, right?"

"No," I answered and I sat up. "I just feel guilty about what I said to mum. I just want to be close to her. I don't think she minds me sleeping in here."

"Not likely," Hayden said losing the smile, "but Alyssa, you can't keep beating yourself up over that. We all say things we regret. You are sorry, and you've apologized."

"You've never said anything as bad as I did," I told him as I climbed out of her bed.

"No, but I have said things I've regretted. It would be different if you meant it, but you didn't. You were angry and you couldn't control your emotions, so you lashed out. You said something stupid, but it happens Alyssa. As long as you've learned from it, that's all that matters," Hayden told me. "Maybe what I said to Ben isn't as bad as what you said, but I know it still hurt him. I've said other things I've regretted as well. I once told Minnie to shut up when she was complaining about Barry and Tasha, because at least she had no parents. I told her that not everyone had the luxury of having parents who loved them, and that she was a spoiled brat who had to get over herself. She didn't speak to me for a week. I felt terrible for saying that to her."

"But that's kind of understandable," I said. "You've told me that I'm lucky to have mum and dad too."

"Not in the way I spoke to Minnie. She's my best friend. She is the one person besides our parents who has always had my back. We've been friends since we were babies, but if it weren't for Minnie I probably wouldn't be where I am right now. Ashley and Ben have helped, but it's really been Minnie who has always been there," Hayden told me. "That's not the only time I've snapped at her, but that is the one time she stopped speaking to me."

I nodded. "It's going to be a while before I stop feeling so guilty," I told him. "I know she and dad have forgiven me, but it was a terrible thing to say. How is Hailey supposed to feel about that as well? She's still so young and forgiving, but she's going to remember this. What if what I said makes her think about it more when she is older, and she blames mum?"

"Hailey is likely going to question it later on, but it won't be because you said that," Hayden told me. "She may or may not get angry. I've questioned it too. I was only nine when it all happened and I wondered about it as I grew older. Ashley didn't even give me all the details until I asked her about it in my first-year. I wasn't exactly angry with her, but I did wonder about her choice about going that night at all. Like I told you before, I was scared to lose another mother and in a way I wondered if it was selfish of her to go like that. However, I never said anything to her and I stopped thinking like that. She felt she had to go, so she went. It's a decision she's going to regret for the rest of her life."

"Which is why I shouldn't have said that," I said. "But I too feel that she shouldn't have gone. She should have stayed at Grandmum's with us. When I was nine, I accepted it but I've been thinking about it more, and I was thinking about it a lot when she was telling William, Cameron and Hailey. She shouldn't have gone that night even if she wasn't pregnant. That's why I was kind of annoyed with her, and then with all the frustration I felt, it all built up and I exploded. I've considered telling her that, but I don't know how to without making her think I am blaming her about Hailey."

"Might be best not to bring it up," Hayden told me. "I think Ben had already talked to her about that anyways. He feels the same way. Anyways, I am going to get breakfast started. You go get ready. I told Minnie that we'd meet everyone there at around ten. It's eight now."

"We're nor bringing the kids are we?" I asked. "I thought it was just going to be all the Hogwarts students."

I enjoyed baby-sitting but I'd expected it to be a grown up day. I didn't want all the younger kids tagging along. I wanted us all to hang out and have fun together.

"It is, which is why we need to get ready now. All the kids are going to Ben's parents," Hayden told me. "I know you have your long morning rituals."

"They're not that long," I said and I headed to my room without waiting for a response.

Ever since I'd started Hogwarts, I had to learn how to get ready quicker in the mornings. When I was younger, I used to take my time because I liked to pretend to get ready like mum did. However, at school, I had to be up and ready for classes. So I could shower, dress, and put on make up quick enough. I had to even now since I was watching the kids. Although I didn't really apply make-up in the summers since we were going to swim anyway. There was waterproof make-up, but I didn't feel I needed it anyways.

By the time I was dressed and ready, everyone was eating downstairs. Hayden didn't say anything, he just gave me a look before he put on my plate. I didn't think it mattered. The kids were all flooing over to our grandparents before we left and it was still quite early. I knew Hayden still had to get ready, but he was usually quick anyways.

"I don't see why we can't go to Diagon Alley," Cameron said. "Alyssa is supposed to be our baby-sitter."

"We're going for school supplies," Hayden told him. "Next year will be your turn."

"With mum and dad," William said. "We want to go with you two."

"After your first-year, you'll be able to go too," I said. "All you need is parchment and quills right now."

"And new clothes," William insisted. "I have flood pants now. Next year I'll need new clothes too. You got new clothes."

"I needed new clothes more than you did," I said. "Your summer clothes still fit. You won't need school clothes until closer to the school year. Not even my old summer clothes fit me anymore."

Mum had taken me shopping for new clothes not that long ago, but all my clothes had been too tight and small. I'd been wearing some of her clothes, but she was at least two inches shorter, so her clothes were a bit small too. I was wearing a new summer dress in fact that very day. I knew William didn't actually care about the clothes. He hated shopping for new clothes. He just wanted to be part of the grown up kids. I understood how he felt, but he didn't need to be there with us.

"We never get to do anything," Cameron said. "We always get treated like little kids. Before you two came home, mum and dad let us do more. Now that you're home, we're just the kids again. I can't wait until you two go back to Hogwarts."

"Suck it up buttercup," Hayden said. "I'm going to go get ready now. The three of you can finish up eating, and then you can get ready to go to your grandparents. You can go now if you want in fact. Since you want to be so grown up, you can all get ready on your own and leave on your own."

"We will," William said. "We're allowed to floo by ourselves now."

I glanced at Hailey who like usual remained quiet. She was watching our exchange but didn't seem to mind. I often wondered what went through her mind. When I was her age, I always voiced my opinion. If I felt that something wasn't fair, I was sure to speak up. I was sure there were times when she felt slighted, but it wasn't often she would say anything.

"Hailey," I said now, "maybe you can put on the dress that's the same as mine, and later we can hang out."

When we'd gone shopping, we'd found some clothes in Hailey's size too. She liked to dress up like me at times, which I didn't mind. Michelle hated it for some reason when Clarissa did it, but I didn't get why. I knew it was because Clarissa looked up to Michelle so much. So I felt flattered when Hailey did it.

"Okay," she answered smiling. "I like that dress. It's very pretty on you Alyssa."

"It's pretty on you too," I told her. "Once I am done eating, I'll put your hair up like mine too, okay?"

Hailey nodded eagerly, and she began to eat quicker. Hayden turned at left the room. William made a face at him before he turned back to his breakfast.

"How come you two dress the same? You're not twins," Cameron asked me. "And me and William don't even dress the same anymore."

"We're not prats," William muttered.

"It's what sisters like to do," I said. "And you two used to dress the same until last year. Clarissa and I dress the same too sometimes you know. It's fun."

"Right," William said under his breath. He pushed his plate away and got up from the table. I knew he'd be moody all day.

"Have fun in Diagon Alley," Cameron told me in a sarcastic tone.

He got up as well and left the room. It wasn't often that Cameron joined in on William when it came to the moods. However, I could understand even if it was annoying. They hated being treated like kids. I'd felt the same way, and I'd had to talk to mum and dad just to get the freedom. I also understood what it was like to go from being the oldest to having someone look after you again.

"They're being brats," Hailey told me as she too got up from the table.

She left the room too. I was happy to be able to eat alone. Hayden made really good breakfast, and I wondered how he'd learn to cook so well. I usually just gave the kids cereal, but he'd made us bacon and eggs. The eggs were just the right fluffiness, and the bacon the right crispy. Perhaps he had asked mum to teach him so he could impress Cynthia or something.

When I was done eating, I went up to Hailey's room. It hadn't changed much since she was a baby. We'd all helped decorate the room. The twins had scribbled on the walls, and the scribbles were still there. My drawing of a family of cats were still there, and a game of Quidditch that Hayden had drawn was there. He was only nine when he had drawn it, but it was impressive. I couldn't even draw that well at the age of twelve.

Mum and dad had asked her if she'd wanted to change her room, but she'd said no. She loved that we'd all put our touches in there, and she hadn't wanted any changes.

She was reading through a book when I entered the room. She got up and walked over to give me a big hug. I was surprised when she did this. I hugged her back.

"What is the hug for?" I asked her.

"I heard you talking to Hayden this morning," she told me. "I didn't mean to, but I was just going downstairs. You don't have to feel guilty anymore Alyssa. You didn't mean it."

"I shouldn't have said it," I told her. "You were right to yell at me that night."

I was actually impressed with how she'd stood up to me that night. At the time I was shocked, but as the days went on, I thought about it and it was very impressive. She was such a small girl, and I was her big sister. She'd stood in front of me, and she yelled at me to apologize to our parents. It was something I would have done at her age. It was something she didn't often do, but she'd stood up for them.

"You didn't mean it and you said sorry," she told me. "We all make mistakes."

Not you I couldn't help thinking. I didn't say it though. I just went over to her vanity table to get her brush. Hailey was the definition of a goody-two-shoes. I don't think she did it on purpose, but she was very rarely bad. I couldn't think of a time that mum and dad had truly been angry with her. She was like all kids where she had temper-tantrums at times, but that was normal. Other than that, she was very well behaved. I'd done a lot more at her age and younger than she had. I felt when she said: 'We all make mistakes' she was just parroting mum or dad anyways. She just didn't want me to feel bad anymore.

"I'm sure I'll feel better soon," I told her as I returned to her. "Thank you for making me feel better. Now, lets get your hair up."

I knew I shouldn't really be feeling this way. She was after all still a little girl. Even if I hadn't been a good-two-shoe at her age, it didn't mean anything. Someday she would be older, and she would likely make her own mistakes in time. There was a vast difference between seven and twelve after all. When she was my age, she wouldn't be little miss perfect.

"I don't think mummy should have gone that night either," Hailey spoke up as I began to brush her hair.

I was jealous of her hair colour. It was a pretty honey blond colour. I didn't understand how it was possible when our parents had brown hair, and all of us had brown hair. Our Uncle Sam had blond hair though, and so did some of our other Hoofer relatives. Hailey was just the lucky one to have inherited it as well.

"You don't?" I asked in shock when I thought about how protective she had been. Did she really understand the importance of that night.

"Even if I hadn't been in her tummy. She should have stayed home," Hailey continued. "I already knew before she told us. I just never said anything."

"What do you mean you knew?" I asked and I stopped brushing her hair for a moment.

"I heard mummy talking to Ellen about it," Hailey said. "Ellen was telling mummy she needed to stop feeling guilty. She said that she wasn't as bad as she used to be, but that she had her moments. What does that mean?"

I began brushing her hair again.

"Mum was really stressed for years about it," I told her. "She was, well, she can still be protective of us. Mum and dad ended up having to go on vacation because of it after Hayden started his first-year. You were only two at the time. The twins and me went to Aunt June's place and you went to Jared's place," and then I told her about how I had snuck off to Hogwarts to complain to Hayden about it. "I didn't understand at the time that mum and dad needed to get away. Now I do."

"Will mummy ever stop feeling bad about it?" Hailey asked me.

"Probably not," I told her and I knew I'd never stop feeling bad about what I'd said either.

"She shouldn't though. She didn't mean to hurt me. She didn't know. I'm better now anyway," Hailey said.

"It's complicated Hailey," I said. "I think we won't understand until we are parents."

"I don't want mum and dad to be sad anymore, and I don't want you to be either," Hailey told me. "It was a long time ago and I feel good."

"Is that why you're so good?" I couldn't help asking. I wondered if she would even understand what I meant.

She didn't answer at first. I began styling her hair so that it would look like mine. Hailey had pale skin, unlike me and the twins. Our skin was more pinker, although the three of us were all tan. She didn't tan. We had to make sure she had a lot of sunscreen or else she would burn right away. Other than the pale skin and blond hair, she looked like me at seven. Once I had her hair styled like mine, she did truly look like me, just cuter.

"I'm bad sometimes," she finally answered.

"But usually you are a good girl," I said and she gave a small shrug.

"I don't know," she told me. "I never think about it. I will never blame mummy though, even if I don't think she should have gone that night."

"Why don't you think she should have gone?" I couldn't help but ask.

"She could have died," Hailey answered.

"But so could dad," I pointed out.

I knew dad could duel really well, but mum couldn't. It was something she had always apparently been mediocre at. She could do hexes and curses but she couldn't fight under pressure. I'd heard the story enough. Dad could duel, so even though he had a family to go home too, he had more business being there than mum had. He had a better chance. She had just gone because she'd felt the need to do something, she wanted to help fight, but she really wasn't much help. Even if she had managed to take down their leaders. It would have happened without her help.

"Mummy can't duel," Hailey answered. "She should have stayed home with you and the twins."

"You know more than you've let on," I said with surprise.

"People talk about things with me around," Hailey said. "Maybe they think I am too little to understand, but I do understand some things. I understand that. I just wish everyone would stop being so sad about it."

"Never change Hailey," I told her and I pulled her into a hug.

She was adored by everyone, and it was no wonder. She really was a sweet and pure little girl. I wondered why that was. The twins and me were never that way. Was it because of what happened to her? Would she have been this way even if mum hadn't gone through all that? I felt that she'd be the rock in our family.

"I love you Alyssa," she told me.

"I love you too," I said. "Come on, let's go downstairs. You need to go to our grandparents and Hayden and me need to go school shopping. I'm sure he's wondering where we are. He seems to be in a hurry today."

"Okay," she said and she took my hand.

When we got downstairs, it was indeed to find Hayden pacing impatiently. The twins had apparently already gone on ahead. I glanced at the clock to see that it was now almost nine-thirty. We still had plenty of time to get going. I wondered what the hurry was. It wasn't as if Minnie expected us to be there at ten right on the dot.

"Please tell me you're not going to grow up like your sister," Hayden told Hailey.

"Why?" She asked. "What's wrong with Alyssa?"

"She takes too long to get ready," he said. "You two are natural beauties. You don't need make-up anyways," he was adding the make-up part more to me than her, but I was sure he wanted her to understand that she wouldn't need it when she was older.

"No one needs make-up, but that doesn't mean it isn't fun to wear," I said to him. "I know I don't need it, and mum taught me how to put it on right. There is nothing wrong with wearing it though. Cynthia wore it."

"And she didn't need to," Hayden told me. "I never understand why girls wear it. You look better without it."

"Boys don't know anything," I said to Hailey.

Hayden held out the pot of floo powder to Hailey.

"Can you go through on your own, or do you need Alyssa or me to help?" He asked her.

"I've been doing it by myself for years," Hailey reminded him. "I'm fine. I got to Grandmother Hoofer's by myself all the time."

"Well go on then so we can get going. We'll write Grandmother Hoofer when we get home," he told her.

"Okay," she said and she reached into the pot to grab a handful of floo powder. She threw it in the fire, and yelled the address before she stepped in. She disappeared quickly.

"I'm just going to make sure she got there," Hayden told me and he pulled out his message parchment. I watched as he wrote on it against the wall.

"Why are you so impatient?" I asked him. "Knowing Minnie, she will probably be a little late. I bet she has only started to ready now."

"I just want to get there first before everyone else does," he answered. "Just remember, you're hanging out with Clarissa, Mackenzie, and Richard today."

"Believe me, we don't want to follow you around," I told him. "That's the whole point of us shopping with friends. I just hope you're not going to bug us. Mum didn't ask you to supervise us, did she?"

"Nope. She trusts you," Hayden said. "And the last thing I want to do is follow a bunch of second years around."

"So why are you so impatient?" I asked.

"She got there," Hayden said instead. "Are you ready to go now?"

"It's a big secret now?" I demanded. "I'm not trying to be nosy, but I just want to know why I was being rushed, besides you promised you'd be honest with me more."

"I just want to see Michelle," Hayden answered. "I haven't really had the chance to talk to her lately. She's going with us today. With my work schedule, and the fact that she's a social butterfly, we haven't been able to hang out as much as I hoped we would this summer. I haven't seen her in over a week."

"I don't get how that's possible when she is right next door," I said.

"Believe me, neither do I," Hayden responded. "Now let's get going. Now remember, just charge everything to your parents vault."

"I know," I answered, and I pulled out the piece of paper with mum and dad's signature on it. "Mum gave it to me last night to show them. Mum showed me how to do it when we went shopping for my clothes."

And to prove a point, I reached into the pot of floo powder that Hayden had set on the table. I grabbed a handful of powder, and threw it into the flames.

"Diagon Alley!" I shouted and stepped into the green flames.

I actually hated the floo network. I always felt so dizzy by the end of it. I kept my eyes shut, but it didn't help. It always hurt at the end of it too. I always fell, but it was hard to stop, especially if you shut your eyes. That time wasn't any different. I felt face first. I stood up and stared down at my dress, which was covered soot down.

"Great," I muttered.

I was going to have to walk around Diagon Alley with soot all over my dress. I tried to brush off my dress as best as I could, but it didn't do much. Usually I had mum or dad with me to take it off with their wands, but unfortunately I had no one to do that for me this time. Hayden was still sixteen. I looked back at the fireplace. He wasn't even there yet, and I felt annoyance. He rushed me that morning, so he should have been right after me.

"Hi Alyssa," a familiar voice said and I turned to see that Cynthia was there. I wondered how Hayden would react to seeing her. "What are you doing here all by yourself?"

"I'm meeting friends here," I told her. "We're going shopping for our school supplies."

I couldn't help but notice how pretty she was. No wonder Hayden had fallen in love with her. She was tall, skinny, and she had pretty big green eyes and blond hair. I admired her outfit. She had on a short black skirt. Mum and dad would never let me leave the house wearing a skirt that short and tight. It made me recall when Hayden had mentioned that one of my skirts was too small for me, but I hadn't done that on purpose. I had outgrown the skirt. I was sure Cynthia had meant to wear a skirt that short. She was also wearing a sheer white tank top. I could see that she was wearing a pink bra.

"At your age?" She asked me in a condescending tone. "You're just a little girl."

"I'm twelve," I reminded her not remembering her ever talking to me that way, even when I had actually been a little girl. She'd always tried to treat me like a grown up.

"Oh right," she said. "That's a cute dress."

"Thanks," I said as I glanced down at the soot all over it.

"Here let me get that for you," a girl with black hair said as she joined Cynthia and with a wave of her wand, the soot disappeared.

"Thanks," I said even more enthusiastically.

I wasn't sure who the girl was, but I was sure she had to be at least seventeen.

"Who is this?" She asked Cynthia now.

I looked around wondering where Hayden or anyone else I knew was, but I didn't see anyone. I wondered if it was a betrayal to talk to her. Where was he anyways?

"My ex-boyfriends little sister," she said. "Where is Hayden? How is he?" She added to me. "Could you tell him that I wanted to talk to him?"

"I don't want to talk to you," and I felt a hand on my shoulder. I glanced up to see Hayden had finally arrived. When had he? Perhaps he had arrived when I hadn't noticed, but had hidden when he'd seen Cynthia.

"Denny," Cynthia said breathlessly. "Please, can we talk? We haven't since that night. You've ignored all my messages. I don't think it should end just like that."

"I tried talking to you Cynthia. I'm not in love with you anymore, and I'll thank you not to bug my sister about it," Hayden said.

I had never seen him look at her so resentfully. Even before they had dated, he would always look at her with admiration. I glanced back at her to see her eyes shining with tears. Hayden push me ahead of him and walked off without a backwards glance. He took me over to a table near the bar.

"Sorry, I should have gone over to you sooner," he told me as we sat down. "Once I heard her ask about me, I stepped in."

"How long have you been here for?" I asked him. "I didn't see you go through."

"You were too busy staring at your dress. I saw her immediately, and I hid. I was hoping she would move on, but she saw you. I'm surprised she's hanging out with Eileen," he said.

We looked over to where we'd left them. Eileen looked as if she were trying to cheer up a sobbing Cynthia.

"She really misses you," I observed.

"She blew it," Hayden said unsympathetically. "I gave her many chances. Your mum told me that it's not right to stay with someone I am unhappy with."

"I wasn't saying you should," I said and then I saw Richard stepping out of the fireplace. How did he do it without falling? "Richard is here," I said and I waved him over.

"Hullo," he said when reached our table. "I thought I was going to be early. I had to get away from mum. She was lecturing me as if I'm still six," he made a face, "'Don't talk to stranger's Richard. Don't leave Hayden and Minnie. Don't make eye contact with anyone.'"

"I'm surprised she let you come on your own," Hayden said.

"That's the funny thing about it," Richard replied. "She insisted that I come on my own, and now she is being protective of me. Some things will never change. Oh, and you're supposed to write and let her know that I found you."

Hayden rolled his eyes but he pulled out his message parchment. Richard and I looked at each other in amusement. I didn't understand my Aunt Brenda at times. While Hayden was writing to Aunt Brenda, Charles and Mackenzie showed up next.

"Ooh I love the dress Alyssa," Mackenzie said to me. "Where'd you get it? I want it."

"The Muggle shop in Diagon Alley. We can stop there if you want. They have a lot of nice clothes. Mum was surprised. We bought a lot of clothes in Muggle London, but we went there as well. Mum said they aren't often up to date with fashion. Usually they are a few years behind."

"Clarissa should get one too. All three of us can have one," Mackenzie said.

"You should. Hailey has one too," I told her.

"Girls," Charles said to Richard and Hayden as he rolled his eyes.

"You're just jealous," Mackenzie told him.

"Jealous of what exactly Mackenzie?" Charles asked her.

"You don't have anyone to do this with," she replied.

"I don't want to dress the same as anyone," he told her. "It's bad enough that we all have to wear the same robes at Hogwarts."

"No, that you don't have a close cousin," Mackenzie said. "You're always left out when we all get together. You and Michelle really don't hang out anymore."

"I get along well enough with them," Charles said. "Besides, some of my friends will be here today. Mum didn't say that we had to hang out together all day."

"Why are you two fighting?" Hayden suddenly asked. "This isn't something I'm going to have to listen to all day is it? I'd rather not."

"No because we won't be around you all day," I reminded him.

"Who is all coming with us today anyway?" Richard asked.

"We're just waiting on Minnie, Michelle and Clarissa," I said. "The four of us are hanging out and the others are doing their own thing."

"Good luck being stuck with the girls," Charles said to Richard who gave a small shrug.

He'd never minded that. He had quite a few friends who were boys, but a lot of the time he'd be stuck with the girls. It was something that he'd never complained about. Perhaps it was because it had been that way since he'd been a little boy. It had always been Mackenzie, Clarissa and me that had been his playmates. It was rare that he hung out with the others, even Charles who wasn't really that much older.

"I don't get how you don't mind," Charles said when Richard didn't say anything.

"Being the only bloke around girls isn't always a bad thing," Hayden told Charles. "It can be a good thing at times. Trust me."

"It is when they're your cousins," Charles reminded him. "They're all related."

"That's not what I meant-" Hayden began making a face, but Michelle and Clarissa showed up at that point.

"Sorry we're late," Michelle said quickly. "Clarissa was taking her sweet time getting ready, and then I had to make her change."

"What I was wearing wasn't that bad," Clarissa said and she glanced at Clarissa and me. "I was wearing a pretty dress and Little Miss Prude here thought it was too short."

"If Michelle said it was too short, then it probably was," Hayden said.

"Have you see what your ex is wearing?" Clarissa retorted and she nodded in Cynthia's direction. She was staring at us. "My dress looked modest compared to that. Mum bought it for me, so it's fine."

"Maybe mum didn't see it on you," Michelle said, "but you are right about Cynthia. She's never worn clothes like that."

Hayden shrugged. "I really don't give a damn. Where the hell is Minnie so we can get going?"

"Well the four of us are here," Mackenzie said. "Do we really need to wait with you for Minnie?"

"You can go ahead," Hayden said moodily as he glared over at Cynthia who was still staring at us.

"Why don't you just tell Minnie to meet you somewhere in Diagon Alley?" I asked as I got up from my chair. "That way you don't have to wait for her in here."

"That isn't a bad idea," Michelle told Hayden. "You know Minnie. Besides, if she is staying at Ashley's parents, she is probably taking the Knight Bus here."

"She's staying over there?" I asked with surprise. "Why?"

"She just went over there recently," Hayden said as he got up as well. "She got into a fight with her parents, and left to stay there for a bit. I forgot about that. We'll just meet her in Diagon Alley. I can't handle the staring anymore. I hope she won't be like that next year."

"Better hope to get all O's on your NEWTs," Richard muttered as he too glanced at Cynthia.

We made our way out to the back of the Leaky Cauldron, where Hayden tapped his wand on the bricks to open the entrance. Once we were in Diagon Alley, we left Hayden, Michelle and Charles who decided to wait by the entrance for Minnie.

"How did Hayden do on his OWLs anyway?" Richard asked once we were out of earshot. "Have the results come yet?"

"He got mostly E's and O's," I answered. "I think he got an A in Arithmancy, but he doesn't care about that. He was more worried about the core classes. He's very good in magic, but his written work isn't as good. He didn't do nearly as well in Charm's and Transfiguration as he hoped. He got E's, which is good, but he thinks he would have gotten O's if he would have tried harder on the written tests. He mostly worried about being able to perform spells. It comes naturally to him though. I wish I could do as well as him."

"You're really good in Charm's," Clarissa pointed out. "You were always the first in our year to get the spells."

"I'm good with Charm's but not with Transfiguration," I said. "I just hope I can be as good as mum. She just understands Charm's and the way they work. I can do the work, but I couldn't tell you why they work the way they do. I don't think I could invent them the way she can."

"Your mum has invented Charm's?" Mackenzie asked with shock. "I didn't know that. I knew she worked in Experimental Charm's."

"Well, she hasn't invented them per-say. She likely could though, but she knows how to get things to work. She was the one who reinvented the message parchments. She was the one who charmed those skeletons they show us in Charm's and Transfiguration. She's been solving codes at work, and she can usually perfect the Charms they are experimenting on," I answered.

"But she was probably at the same level as you when she was in second year," Clarissa said. "Mum told me that she didn't really realize her talent until later on. She wasn't confident at first. It reminds me of you. You and Cameron compare yourselves to William too much. Just because he is good at underage magic doesn't mean he'll be good when he gets a wand."

"But it isn't often that kids can control their magic. Mum says it's rare and it's odd that both Hayden and William can do it. She said people don't often see it in the family," Richard replied. "She said that most kids can only perform when they're upset or scared. She often wonders if Hayden is actually related to your mum somehow, or even the Hoofer's. No one knows who Hayden's father is. He's apparently a muggle, and our families have had squibs in them. Look at what happened with you two," he said and he pointed at me and Clarissa, "you're distantly related from your mothers. It could very well be that Hayden is related somehow through a squib too."

"It wouldn't be that surprising to be honest," Mackenzie said. "We're all related somehow anyway, and they do believe that muggleborn's are distantly descended from squibs. Hayden could be related to your mum somehow. They did grow up in the same town after all."

"Mum and dad have wondered that too," I said with a shrug. "It would be hard to find out. Unless we can convince Hayden to ask his mum more about his father. I don't know how we'd find that out. It was just an accident that mum found out that we're related. It would have to be on mum's side though if Hayden and William inherited that. It could all just be a coincidence too though. But if that's true, how come none of you can do it?" I asked meaning Clarissa, Michelle and her brothers.

"They research that stuff in the Department of Mysteries," Richard said. "I wouldn't mind working down there, but I would need the best grades. That's where they research everything."

"If anyone can do it, it's you," Clarissa said, "but you'd have to work hard. They don't just take on anyone. I just wish I was good at something. I'm just average in everything. I'm not bad but I am not good either."

"Well if you worked harder," Mackenzie pointed out.

"Well not everyone can slack off and get good marks," Clarissa said and then she made a face. "Michelle gave me a lecture the other day about all that. She even gave me a sex talk. As if I am going to have sex anytime soon. She also figured out that I drank a lot more than anyone realized last year. I don't know how."

"Probably because you weren't hung over that one night," I said. "I wondered about that too. When did you start drinking? Who did you drink with? I thought it seemed to go down easy for you."

"I drank with some of the older girls," Clarissa said with a shrug. "I started at the beginning of the school year."

"Why?" Richard asked.

"Why not?" Clarissa retorted defensively. "Just because you don't drink, it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with it."

"Richard has had alcohol," Mackenzie said quickly.

"Exactly, I had some at the end of the school year party," Richard said remaining composed. "I'm not judging you. I was just asking why. You seem as if you want to rebel or something."

"And you don't?" Clarissa asked. "You're doing everything you can to rebel against your mum."

"Why are you getting so defensive?" I asked Clarissa. "He's just asking why. I'm surprised too. If you want to drink, then that's up to you. No one is judging you or lecturing you."

We headed to Flourish and Blott's first. We'd decided the night before that we would get all the boring stuff out of the way first. Once we got all the supplies, we were going to go to the joke shop, and then perhaps get some ice cream or something.

"Sorry," Clarissa answered. "I had Michelle on my case, and I am worried she's going to tell mum and dad about it. You know I hang out with the older girls sometimes, and I wanted to try alcohol. I didn't get drunk the first time. They taught me to pace myself with alcohol," and then she glanced at me with a guilty expression on her face, "I should have told you the same thing honestly. The reason I could drink that much that night is because I know how to drink. I should have been honest with you, and maybe you wouldn't have thrown up so much the next day. I just liked the buzzed feeling it gives me," she added to Richard, "It's not a rebellious thing. It's just fun. I do sometimes feel like I want to rebel though."

"Why?" Mackenzie asked.

We began selecting our books. Luckily we wouldn't need as many books that year. I also wanted some for background reading when it came to Charm's and Transfiguration. Professor Deplacer had a list of recommended books we could read. I had some already, but I wanted more. The books weren't formal like textbooks were. They were actually fun to read, and it helped people understand the spells better. So I was getting some along with my textbooks that year.

"Mum is so afraid that Michelle and me will end up seventeen and pregnant like her," Clarissa answered. "She is constantly lecturing us about it. I won't make that mistake. Michelle is just so goody-two-shoes about it though. She gets on her high horse, and mum keeps telling me I should be like her more. I don't want to be like Michelle. As long as I pass my classes, I don't care. I want to have fun in school. I'm not going to sleep around like mum did though. When I have sex, I will be in a relationship, and I will be careful. Honestly, that is the last thing on my mind, but Michelle acts as if because I snog boys sometimes, I am going to go out tomorrow and have it."

"Michelle does kind of get on her high horse when it comes to you," Richard said with a nod as he selected a few text books. "I do like her, but I know what you mean."

"She's just worried," Mackenzie said. "You do give her a reason to worry Clarissa."

Clarissa just shrugged. "I don't care. I'm going to be myself. Just because mum made stupid mistakes when she was in school, it doesn't mean I will. Unlike her, I will take my OWLs seriously. I won't wait until I have a baby to do so. She's lucky she managed to get a writing job, and that she is good with party planning. I don't need her shoving her mistakes down my throat like that. I'm not going to do something stupid, but I feel like I want to make a point."

We selected all our books and then went to the counter. Clarissa and Mackenzie had money, while Richard and me showed our signed forms that told the cashier to charge our parents Gringotts accounts. I felt a little jealous that I didn't have my own bag of money with me, but mum didn't want me using my baby-sitting money on school books. She wanted me to use it for through out the school year, or to treat myself, or I could even save it if I wanted. There was something about that bag of coins that made me wish I had my own. Mackenzie and Clarissa were actually using their parents money as well, but still.

"And what do you mean by making a point?" Richard asked Clarissa as we left the book shop.

"I just want to make mum and dad squirm a little. They are annoyed by me. I'm just doing the little things like getting detentions and stuff," Clarissa answered. "I want to make them think I am doing stupid stuff, but I'm actually not."

"But that's just going to lead to more lectures," Richard said with a laugh. "You're doing all this because of the lectures, but they won't stop lecturing you if you keep doing dumb stuff. It's just an endless cycle Clarissa."

I couldn't help but agree with him. I thought back to the beginning of the summer. I truly had acted like a spoiled brat, and it was my mum and dad treated me like a child. I was acting like one. The more I did it, the more they treated me like I was Hailey's age, and not twelve. I quickly pointed this out to Clarissa who didn't respond. She just changed the subject quickly. Richard and I exchanged looks but we didn't press the issue. She was just going to have to learn herself.

I vowed then and there that I would watch out for my best friend however. She said she wouldn't follow in her mum's footsteps, but what if she did? I would do anything to make sure my friend wouldn't go down that road.


	3. Chapter 3

Hayden

"We're going to have to get together at some point," I told Minnie. "It's been two weeks and this is the first time I've seen you."

"I know," she said and she smiled at Craig adoringly. "It's just that between your work schedule and everything, we haven't had time."

"Well we need to make time," I told her.

It was rare that Minnie and I didn't hang out. In the summers, we didn't see each other everyday but we saw each other enough. This was the first time I could remember that we didn't see each other or talk to each in a long time. She was right however. Between my work schedule, her baby-sitting, and the fact that we had significant others, it was hard to get together. She was my life long friend and one of my best friends.

"How about on the weekend? Are you working at all?" Minnie asked.

"Next week I am on the day shift," I told her. "I don't know about the weekend yet."

"We need to hang out too," Craig told me. "Just the boys. I haven't seen Andrew at all, and this is the first time we've hung out."

I glanced at Cynthia who was keeping quiet through all this. Out of all my friends, she of course was the only one I had seen the most that summer. I hadn't even seen Michelle, and she was my neighbour. Cynthia demanded all of my attention when I wasn't at work. I'd already had to turn down invitations from friends because of it. I'd actually wanted to hang out with Craig that night, but Cynthia wanted to tag along. So we'd decided to have a double date.

"What are you doing Monday?" Minnie asked. "I'm sure we can arrange something so that Trevor and the twins have someone to look after them. I'm sure we could even send them to your place for the day. There will be enough eyes on all of them."

"I am stocking shelves on Monday," Cynthia said.

"We can hang out afterwards you know," I told her. "I have Monday off."

"But you and Minnie are going to be hanging out alone," she said.

"And?" I asked.

I glanced over at Minnie and Craig. Craig folded his arms and leaned back in his chair. He looked irritated. He of course understood our friendship, and he didn't care if Minnie and I hung out. What annoyed him was when people made comments about how we were meant to be together. He also hated it when Cynthia showed some jealousy, which was a lot lately. In fact, it was getting worse.

The first year or so with Cynthia had been amazing, and I'd believed I loved her. She had been the one on my mind everyday since primary seven. I woke up thinking about her, and I fell asleep thinking about her. My crush grew over the years until I finally worked up the nerve to ask her out at the end of my third year. There were days when I couldn't stop smiling because I'd finally gotten with the girl of my dreams.

Last summer, things started to change. She started to get jealous of things that she didn't need to. Craig had asked out Minnie shortly after Cynthia and I got together. So I'd hoped that people would see that we had no interest in each other. People still made their jokes however. In the beginning, Cynthia would defend us, but after a while something changed and I didn't know what it was.

At the beginning of fifth year, she clung to me even more. At times, Michelle who'd become a friend of mine during her first-year would often hang out with us with some of her friends. I'd began to tutor Michelle with some subjects as well. She was smart, but she wanted to be prepared and being two years above her, I could help. Cynthia began to get jealous of these tutoring sessions as well.

I was starting to feel unhappy with her, and I didn't know how to improve our relationship. So at Christmas, I went to Ashley for help. I asked her to explain to me the sex protection spell. She wasn't happy that I wanted to have sex, and she even tried to talk me out of it. However, she did tell me how to do it. She knew that I'd do it anyway. I hoped that sex would improve things between us, and at first it seemed it did, but then the jealousy got worse.

At the end of the school year, she even got jealous of Mackenzie, my twelve-year-old cousin! I felt fed up with her, and I didn't even want to be with her anymore, but I was scared to end it. I'd talk to Ashley about it the previous night. She'd told me I needed to talk to Cynthia, and if things didn't improve, I should break up with her. She'd told me that sex wasn't the reason to stay with someone, and that she'd warned me that sex wouldn't fix things. She even believed it was the sex that made her even more clingy.

"And you two don't need to be hanging out alone," Cynthia told me. "You don't need to be hanging out with other girls without me."

"Minnie is one of my best friends," I told her with irritation. "And in case you forgot, she is dating Craig."

"For now," Cynthia said angrily. "Everyone knows you two will end up together eventually."

"Minnie is like my sister," I told her. "And if I want to hang out with her, I am going to. She has been my friend since we were babies. Cynthia, this jealousy thing is getting a little old."

"You're not hanging out with her without me!" Cynthia shouted. "I don't want you to hang out with any other girl but me! I am your girlfriend, I am the only one you should be seeing! I forbid it."

"Then I am done," I said.

"What do you mean you're done?" Cynthia asked.

"I mean that you and me are finished. I don't want to be with you anymore. I can't stand this jealousy anymore," and I reached into my pocket and slammed some galleons on the table.

I walked off without giving Minnie or Craig a backwards glance. We were at the Leaky Cauldron which was full of older teenagers, but people who were too young to be at the Dragon's Breath. That meant it was mostly people who were in my year or the year younger. We'd been loud enough for them to hear so I knew by the next day everyone would have heard.

I wasn't ready to go home yet, so I went to the back of the Leaky Cauldron fuming. Not only did we hang out there sometimes, but it was also my work. I worked there as a dishwasher, although sometimes they had me act as busboy too. Most people knew who I was because of that, and who my family was. If we were as famous as the Weasley family, I was sure the break up would be on the front page of the Daily Prophet. Luckily we were known well enough, but not enough to make the gossip sections.

All I wanted to do was get drunk at that moment, and I wondered if I'd be able to sneak into the Dragons Breath. I would be seventeen in September after all. They should have been able to make an exception. I didn't bother to try though. Instead, I made my way down the street to brood. There was a smaller bar that wasn't as well popular as the Leaky Cauldron or the Dragons Breath. I wondered if they would sell me the alcohol I was seeking. Usually older people, people even older than my godparents, spent time there.

I opened the door and went inside. It was dark and dingy and it had a musky smell to it. It also reminded me of the Hogshead, but not quite as dirty and old. I took a seat at the bar and ordered a shot of firewhiskey. I waited for the bartender to ask for my wand for ID but surprisingly, he gave me a shot glass. I guessed I looked old enough. People did often say I looked older than sixteen.

After a couple of shots of firewhiskey, I switched to Ashley's favourite drink. I didn't want to end up too drunk. I just wanted to numb the pain and anger I was feeling at the moment. I wasn't a big drinker. In fact, I only drank when our Common Room had big parties, but that night, all I wanted was to feel at least buzzed. Michael had always told me never to turn to alcohol when I was upset, but now I understood why people did it.

That weekend ended up being full of drama. The next day at work, I ended up getting in trouble for my very public break up with Cynthia. So I ended up being in a bad mood all day at work, and when I got home too. Luckily my godparents were understanding about it. They both let me vent about it to them, and Ben even sat up with me in my room to talk about it some more.

Alyssa ended up being a little brat at dinner, but that wasn't much of a change. She'd been acting like a spoiled brat since we'd gotten home from Hogwarts. She took it to a different level that night by actually blaming Ashley for what happened with Hailey nearly eight years ago. I couldn't believe that she would actually do that to her own mother. Alyssa knew how stressed and upset that made her mother feel.

For the first time in her life, I actually felt resentment for my little step sister. I couldn't remember ever feeling that way when it came to her or even the other kids. I loved all my brothers and sisters, and at times they could be too much, but Alyssa was just a little bitch. She'd been spoiled her entire life. She didn't understand what a hard life was, and yet she'd comment about being stressed out. She had parents who loved her. She'd never been abandoned. She didn't even have to work if she didn't want to.

She was also turning into a pretty girl, and given how she dressed and obsessed over makeup, I was sure she'd be one of those empty-headed girls. She was going to use her looks and family background to get through life. I was sure of it. She didn't dress like a slag, but she was into fashion and refused to wear clothes that didn't show off her figure.

I didn't want to talk to her, and yet she insisted on trying to talk to me about Michelle. All it did was cause me anger towards her, and she acted like a brat at dinner. I couldn't even handle sharing a table with her anymore. I got up in the middle of dinner to go to my room.

When I went upstairs to my room, it was to find that my message parchment was vibrating on my desk. I shoved it to the floor. I wasn't in the mood of getting back to anyone at the moment. Instead, I pulled out a piece of parchment to write to my mother. I hadn't written to her yet that summer. My desire wasn't as strong as it had been at the age of twelve however. She'd proven time and time again that I wasn't important to her.

There were many times when she would take months to write back. In my third year, she'd even tried to blame it on Ashley and Ben. She'd made some flimsy excuse about how they didn't want us writing to each other, and so that was why she hadn't gotten back to me. I knew the truth though. They were open with me when it came to that. I knew they didn't like us writing, but they didn't forbid it. She was just making excuses for her ignorance as usual.

As I pulled a blank piece of parchment towards me, I wondered if I should tell her about Cynthia or not. I hesitated, and then I found that all my pent of frustrations came out on paper. She knew that we'd dated, but I'd only written about the good times with her. Now I wrote down everything that led to the break up, what happened the night before, and then all about Alyssa. It was probably the longest letter I'd written to her yet.

By the end of it, I did feel bad about the stuff I'd written about my little sister. I felt as if I were betraying her in a way. Alyssa after all was likely acting like your typical twelve-year-old. She was a bit spoiled, but I didn't think she was that far off from any other kid her age. What she had said to Ashley and Ben at dinner was out of line, but I knew she hadn't meant any of it. She had been angry when she couldn't get her own way, and instead of lashing out on me, she lashed out on her parents instead.

I knew the feeling. I'd never said anything as bad as Alyssa had. However, the summer before third year I'd snuck out only to get caught by Ben. I knew I'd been in the wrong, but I'd been so angry that I'd yelled at him back. I'd told him that he wasn't my real father and that I didn't appreciate him acting like it. I felt bad right after I'd said it. He had looked so hurt after it. It took me days to actually apologize to him. I still felt bad about it when I thought about what I'd said.

So while Alyssa was out of line, and I was furious with her, I knew she hadn't meant it. I knew at the moment she was likely feeling immense guilt about it as well. I figured later on perhaps I would talk to her. I read over the letter wondering if I should re-write it, and take out the part about Alyssa, but I decided against it. Siblings did after all complain about each other. Alyssa used to write to me about how annoying the twins were. So I rolled up the parchment and put it in my bag. The next time I was in Diagon Alley I would send it to her.

At the moment, I felt like just having a swim. Swimming, especially in our scenic backyard always relaxed me. So I changed into my swimming trunks and headed downstairs. I found Ashley and Hailey cuddling up together on the couch and watching Frozen.

"I'm going out to go swimming," I told her as I walked by. "I don't want Alyssa out there with me."

I hoped she wasn't already outside. I didn't wait for an answer, I just kept walking. When I got outside, I dropped my towel on the deck and headed straight to the pool where I dived in. It was twilight and I couldn't but think about last year when Cynthia and I had swam together at this time of night. She'd told me that twilight was her favourite time of day because it was romantic, especially in my backyard. A lot of the time we would take a walk through the garden paths, and then sit by our pond that had benches surrounding it.

I didn't want to think about her, but it was hard not to. She had been a significant part of life, and as relieved as I was that I wouldn't have her stressing me out anymore, I felt some sadness as well. At one point I believed I had loved her. Now all I felt was some resentment.

I heard a splash, and then heard someone swim over to me. I felt annoyance again. I'd asked Ashley to keep Alyssa away from me. I knew it had to be her because it couldn't be the twins or Hailey. They would all be getting ready for bed soon. Alyssa no longer had a bedtime, and she was allowed to swim at this time of night. Ben was already gone for the night, and Ashley was likely still cuddling with Hailey. So Alyssa was the only one it could be.

"I don't want to talk Alyssa," I said as I felt more than I heard her approach.

"I didn't know we had that much of a resemblance," a familiar voice that wasn't Alyssa replied.

Startled I looked to see that it was Michelle. She'd grown to be so beautiful over the years. She was now fourteen-years-old. I felt my heart race when our eyes met. Cynthia's jealousy wasn't the only reason my happiness had faded. I'd started to develop feelings for Michelle, but I hadn't want to admit it, not even to myself. Not only because she was too young, but because for years I'd ignored her. I'd started to get to know her better in her first-year, and we'd become fast friends. We'd started to hang out more and more. I actually looked forward to the tutoring sessions. If it weren't for the fact that Cynthia got jealous over everything, I would even admit that she had a reason to be jealous of Michelle.

"Oh," I said recovering from the shock. "Sorry, Alyssa has been badgering me since I got home from work. I broke up with Cynthia and she won't stop asking me about it. I came out here to have some time alone, but you know the kids. They don't respect that at times. I miss the days sometimes when she was a little girl. It was so much easier back then."

We began to talk, and when she asked me about my break up, I didn't actually mind talking to her about it. I had a feeling that she already knew before I'd mentioned it. I found it easy to talk to her though. I was glad that she had come over, and I honestly wanted to spend the evening with her. However, she'd come over to hang out with Ashley. Ashley was Michelle's godmother too. A lot of the time she came over to spend time with her. She'd actually lived with us for about a month the one summer.

Was it bad that all I wanted to do was make out with her? I shouldn't have been having those thoughts. Not only because I'd just broken up with my girlfriend, but because Michelle was too young for me. I would be seventeen in September. Michelle had turned fourteen in March. She was also my godsister in a way. Was it bad for godchildren to date? What would Ellen and Keith think when they knew the kind of thoughts I had about their daughter? What would Ashley and Ben think?

Everyone knew that Cynthia and I had slept together. Michael had even gone as far as giving me a high five. I doubted any of the adults would trust me with Michelle. I would never force her to have sex if for some reason we dated. It would be something I would miss of course. After the sleeping with Cynthia, I finally understood what all the fuss was about. I understood why Andrew slept around, but if I had a girlfriend who didn't want sex, I wouldn't make them do something they didn't want to do. I was sure with Michelle given the conversations I'd heard her have with Catalina, she didn't want that yet. She was terrified to end up being a teen mum. Not only that, but she felt fourteen was too young, and I had to agree with that.

I'd heard some of the conversations the adults had as well. They only saw me as some hormonal teenage boy. They saw all boys my age that way. Barry and Tasha were worried about Craig when it came to that. So given the fact that I was nothing but a sex driven boy to them, they weren't going to be easy-going about Michelle and me. Keith would be extremely protective about it. He'd nearly lost it the summer before about Michelle and Clarissa wearing bathing suits. I'd thought that Barry was over-protective when it came to Minnie, but Keith was worse.

All of that didn't stop me from enjoying my moment with Michelle. As we gazed into each others eyes, I almost wondered if she felt the same way about me. I considered putting a hand on her waist, but the thought entered my mind, we were interrupted by my godmother.

I knew Ashley hadn't done it on purpose. She never walked in on Cynthia and me. I doubted she even knew how I felt about Michelle. She likely hadn't known that Michelle was in the pool. I couldn't help but feel some resentment never-the-less though. It turned out that Hailey wanted me to say good-night to her, which was something she liked for all of us to do every night. So reluctantly, I left the pool, promising Michelle that I would be right back.

I didn't look at Ashley as I walked past her. I knew I really had no reason to be annoyed with her, and so I didn't want to show it. I knew she was having a rough night as it was because of Alyssa, and I wasn't going to add to it. So I just wrapped my towel around myself and headed into the house.

I found Hailey laying in her bed with a night light on. She grinned the moment I entered her room, and I forgot my annoyance instantly. When it came to Hailey, we were all at her beck and call. We all had a special spot when it came to her. She was a very adorable little girl. She always had been. She seemed to have more innocence than Alyssa or the twins had at the age of seven. The other three kids had always been a bit demanding, even Cameron, but not Hailey.

"Good night Hayden," Hailey said when I went over to kiss her cheek. "I'm sorry that you and Cynthia broke up. Are you going to be okay? I always liked her."

"I'll be fine," I told her. "It was a long time coming. I'm better off without her. Don't you worry about me."

"Alyssa didn't mean anything she said," Hailey continued. "I could tell."

"I know she didn't," I said. "I'll probably talk to her tomorrow about it. You just go to sleep, and I'll see you in the morning."

"Okay," she said.

I liked how she agreed right away. When Alyssa was her age, she used to ask to say good-night to everyone too. However, she would do whatever it took to stay awake longer, so she would ask as many questions as possible, or else she would ask for more than story. As I turned to leave Hailey's room, I actually missed those days with her. Although she had been more demanding, she had been such a sweet little girl. Not that she was overly bad now, but she was growing up and she'd lost that innocence that she'd once had.

I'd told Michelle that things had been easier when she was little, and it was true. It wasn't just that she respected adults opinions more, but I could see that she was growing into a young woman. I didn't want her to grow up. I didn't want her to date boys or anything like that. I'd heard some of the comments some people made about her. I felt that if I kept the image of her being a little girl still, it would stay that way.

I peeked in her room before I went downstairs. She didn't notice that I was there. She had her head leaning up against the window. I had the urge to go in and talk to her about her behaviour. I stood watching her and then changed my mind. I headed to look in on the twins quickly. The boys were both busy reading. Neither noticed me and I moved on quickly before William could try and engage me in conversation. I hurried back down the steps.

"Hayden, Craig is waiting for you," Ashley said as I came down the stairs. "He said he's been writing to you all day, but you haven't responded," and she pointed behind her to the fireplace.

I looked around her to see that Craig's head was sitting in the fire. We didn't fire call each other often, but I guessed he was desperate to talk to me.

"Hey Hoofer!" He called once I reached the fireplace. "Come over. Have a boys night with Andrew and me."

"I'm busy at the moment," I told him as I thought about Michelle who was waiting for me in the pool.

"Oh come on," Craig said. "We really haven't hung out all summer. Besides, we need to talk. What are you doing that is so important? You have the weekend off and so do we."

"Well I was hanging out with Michelle," I told him. "She's having a girls night with Ashley tonight, but she wanted to hang out with me first."

"You can hang out with her any time," Craig said. "You're neighbours. Come on Hoofer, we have the alcohol ready. We planned a night just for you. Come spend the weekend with us."

I tried to weight the pros and cons of hanging out with Michelle or the guys. On one hand, I could spend the night blissfully drunk with my mates, on the other hand, I could spend the night talking to a beautiful girl. A beautiful girl that I had no chance with. Michelle was going to spend time with Ashley soon enough anyways. So we would be ending the evening at any time.

"Come on Hoofer," Craig said when I didn't answer. "Why is it so important to hang out with Michelle right now? You don't even like her."

"She's my friend," I spoke up quickly. "She has been for years now. I'll go let her know though."

"Good," Craig said. "We'll have some shots waiting for you."

And without waiting for me to respond, he pulled his head out of the fireplace. I sighed and turned to look at Ashley who had been listening in on the conversation. She was well aware that I drank sometimes, and once I turned sixteen she'd actually given me permission to drink with them. I guess the adults in her life had done the same when she'd been my age. So I had to wonder why she was giving me such as odd look. She knew I drank with my friends.

"What?" I couldn't help but asking. "I'm probably not going to get too drunk," and I thought about how they used to all tell me that I should be careful about going down the Michael route. Given my past, they were worried I'd follow in his footsteps. He'd been a bit of an alcoholic at my age. "I'm not pulling a Michael," I added quickly.

"No it's not that," she told me. "You're going to be seventeen in September. Besides, we let you take a shot of firewhiskey on your sixteenth birthday. Although, I doubt that was your first time. We know you're going to drink with your friends, and Craig knows we know you drink. If he didn't and he wanted to hide it, he wouldn't have been so casual about it. No, it's just you seem upset to be leaving Michelle."

"Oh," I said quickly worried that she might have suspicions about my feelings. Michelle was her goddaughter. She was as protective of her as she was of me. In fact, she felt that way about all of her friends children. "Well I told her I'd be right back. I think she was under the impression that we'd hang out for a bit. We're friends, and I don't like abandoning my friends like that. I think sometimes Michelle isn't sure if we are friends or not. She basically told me that in the pool."

"Well just make sure you tell her that you'll hang out again," Ashley told me. "She's very understanding, and I am sure she'll understand at the moment that you need to be around your best friends."

"I'll likely be gone until Sunday," I told her.

"Have fun and be careful," she told me.

I went over to give her a hug and then a kiss on the cheek. "Don't worry about Alyssa," I told her. "She'll come around. Don't spend the weekend stressing about it. I know what you can be like. Just enjoy your night with Michelle, and I'll see you on Sunday."

I did know how she could be. She wasn't as bad as she used to be, but ever since the incident with Hailey, she stressed easily about things. I was sure this was something that would send her over the edge, and it was why I wanted to have a talk with Alyssa. She wouldn't remember much about those days since she had only been four. All I knew was that my easy-going godmother had changed and had spent three years basically depressed and stressed. It wasn't until my first-year when Ben finally had enough of it. She was more or less okay now, but she did have her moments. This was likely going to be one of them.

"So are you going to talk to Cynthia at all?" Craig asked once he'd had me take a few shots out in his backyard. We were sitting on his deck. I could tell that the boys had already been drinking given the empty butterbeer bottles, and the half bottle of firewhiskey. Andrew also looked a little tipsy, and I thought his eyes were blood-shot. Had they smoked a joint?

"No," I said. "I'm done. I've been trying to work things out with her for months. I am tired of the jealousy, and I know you are too."

"That's for sure," Craig said. "I was actually starting to dislike her. Do you think it's the sex that changed her? She never used to be like that. I used to think you had the perfect girlfriend. I mean, Minnie is great but she does have her moments."

"That's what Ashley thinks," I said, "but she started to change even before that. I just thought sex could fix things, but it made it worse."

Andrew laughed. "You're the only bloke I know who can talk about his sex life with his parents. As far as mine are concerned, I am still a virgin. How can you sit there and talk to her about that? She's cool, but still."

"We've always had a close relationship," I said thinking that he was missing the point completely.

"He does have a point," Craig pointed out to me. "I just have a hard time believing that you two are over. You've been in love with her since you were like ten."

"And things change," I said. "She was stressing me out more than anything. I don't regret being with her of course, but I'm done. Nothing anyone says will change that."

"Minnie told me that Cynthia has been writing you all day, but you haven't responded to her," Craig said. "But then again, you haven't responded to any of us."

"Yeah, why are you ignoring us?" Andrew asked. "I've been writing you all day."

"I haven't looked at my parchment," I answered. "It's on the floor in my room. I know that people besides the two of you and Minnie will be writing me. I just wanted to be left alone. I didn't want to talk about it. You know that everyone in fourth year and older are going to know about it. It was very public last night. I got told off at work about it. I'm sure even Michelle knew about it even though she pretended not to."

"Ah yes, Michelle," Andrew said and then he looked at Craig. "You owe me."

"No I don't, at least not yet," Craig answered him quickly.

I felt nervous now. "What are you two talking about?" I asked.

Did they know?

"You want Michelle," Andrew stated. "It's why it was so easy for you to break up with Cynthia."

"It wasn't easy for me to break up with Cynthia," I replied. "I've wanted to for a while, but I couldn't do it. I should have ended it with her months ago."

"What I mean is, you aren't all that upset about it. If Craig and Minnie had broken up, our mate would be crying into his Firewhiskey," Andrew told me. "Even if you feel it was a long time coming, you are fine with it. Most people would still feel somewhat upset over a two year relationship being over."

"I would not be crying," Craig said with annoyance, "and Hoofer never shows emotion. Perhaps he didn't want to leave Michelle because he was crying on her shoulder."

"I don't cry," I replied feeling annoyed as well. "It does bother me, but I am not going to sit here and whine about what could have been. That's a girl move... and perhaps maybe Marco as well. You'd think when he and Cassidy broke up that it was the end of the world. Like I said, it was a long time coming and I won't be stressed out anymore."

"I don't get why you have to be so secretive around us," Andrew said. "We're your best mates. We have never given you a reason not to trust us. Yet, we always have to pull information from you. I can tell that you are interested in her, and you have been for a while. It's why you didn't want to come over tonight."

I hated how Andrew sometimes seemed to know me better than even Minnie did. Perhaps, she probably even knew how I felt about Michelle as well. I sighed and reached for the bottle of golden liquid to take another shot. Perhaps I would even smoke some of Andrew's weed. He likely had some.

"I tell you things," I finally said after I took shot. "You two and Minnie know everything."

"But we normally have to pester you," Craig said. "I came to you right away about Minnie, and it isn't just because she is your lifelong friend. It's because you're my best mate. If Andrew is right about Michelle, it would be nice to know."

I sighed.

"It's not that I don't trust you," I finally said. "It's just that Michelle is fourteen, and I am going to be seventeen. I shouldn't be interested in her."

"Is that all?" Andrew asked. "Are you forgetting about Donna?"

Andrew had dated a girl named Donna for a couple of months during our fifth year. She was a third year. He wasn't really a relationship type of bloke, but he had dated her. At the beginning of fourth year, he'd shagged some girl in the sixth year. After that, the bloke seemed addicted to sex. He went around casually shagging different girls, but he didn't really go down the relationship road until he met Donna. They didn't sleep together because he felt that she was too young, but he liked her enough that he wanted to spend time with her. They ended up breaking up when he got too busy with his OWL studies.

"It's not the same thing," I said. "You were fifteen and she was thirteen. I am going to be seventeen."

"And she'll be fifteen soon enough," Craig pointed out. "It's not that big of a deal. Look at Gabrielle Weasley. She's dating someone a few years older. She was fourteen when they got together. Is that the only reason, or are you just still hung up on Cynthia?"

"It's not about Cynthia, but I am not ready to date right now, regardless if I am interested in Michelle right now," I answered. "If I ever decided to date her, it's not going to be the day after a break up with a long term girlfriend. I don't want her to be a rebound girl."

"And that's understandable mate," Andrew said. "We're not saying you should jump into it right away. We just want some honesty from you that's all, and the age thing is just an excuse. If you're still interested in her when you're ready to date again, you should go for it. You obviously like her enough if you wanted to hang out with her the day after a break up."

"Exactly. Come on Hoofer," Craig said. "I didn't believe Andrew, but I did find it odd. I get that you and Michelle get along now, but you've never minded ditching her to drink with us. Hell, even when Cynthia got on your case, you would drink with us instead of hanging out with her, and she was your girlfriend."

"Okay you've made your point," I said. "You're right, I am interested in her, and I have been for a while. I don't know for how long though. It took a while for me to admit it to myself. I think it's one of the reasons why my relationship with Cynthia went to hell. It wasn't just her jealousy, it was because I was no longer in love with her. I think it's why I felt we should have shag," and then I sighed. "And that's the problem when it comes to Michelle. I will never pressure her to have sex, but she knows my past and so do her parents and mine for that matter. I doubt any one of them will feel comfortable with me dating her. Ellen and Keith like me, but I doubt they want some seventeen-year-old bloke with a sexual history corrupting their pure daughter."

"You're not some random seventeen-year-old," Craig pointed out. "If it were someone that they didn't know, they probably wouldn't like it. They've known you since you were a baby. They know you wouldn't make her do something she doesn't want to do. I think you're thinking too much about it."

I sighed and pushed a hand through my hair. "Look, maybe I'll think about it again later on. Right now, I just broke up with my girlfriend. You two wanted me here to drink, so let's drink."

It actually ended up being a really good weekend. Drinking with the boys was exactly what I needed. Friday it was just with Craig and Andrew, but a few more blokes came over Saturday night. Colin who was Craig's best friend before we started Hogwarts showed up with some of his Slytherin friends. Craig and Colin still got along really well, but after our sorting they'd drifted apart. Andrew and me became his new best friend. Marco an old friend, and a couple of his friends, and a couple of our fellow Gryffindors also came over.

They'd all heard of course about the break up, and to my annoyance, but not to my surprise, the story was mixed up about what actually happened. It took Craig and me to explain everything that had actually happened. According to what Marco had heard, Cynthia had actually hexed me. As angry as I was with her at the moment, I didn't want lies being spread around her either, especially that kind. She could get in a lot of trouble for that since she was still sixteen.

"Just be glad that it's summer," Colin said to me. "By the time we get to school, the gossip will have died down."

"That's what I am hoping for, but I am sure people will still have something to say about it," I replied. "I'm sure Colleen and Becky will get some enjoyment out of it. I still don't understand how she ended up in Gryffindor."

"Well she certainly isn't Hufflepuff material," Marco's friend Rodney replied, "and she is barely passing, so she's not Ravenclaw."

"And she's not Slytherin," Colin added quickly.

"And you think that Judy fits in there?" Albert said. "She's basically a clone of Colleen."

"Not really," Colin said as he made a face. "Sure they are both bitches, but Colleen has always been that way. She's never had any issues with showing her true colours, and she has never called anyone a mudblood. Judy is just a traitorous, cowardly little bitch. She does whatever it takes to fit in. Do you honestly believe she'd be acting the way she is if she'd been sorted elsewhere? She acted the nice girl when she hung out with us because she wanted us to like her."

I felt indifference when it came to Judy now. For the longest time I hated her as well, but now I didn't care. Colin seemed to take her attitude change worse than anyone, but perhaps it was because they shared a house. He'd never been a fan of hers when we'd all hung out as a group. But then again, Andrew seemed to take Becky's attitude harder than anyone else's and we hadn't known her before Hogwarts.

"I still think she's in love with you," Patrick said.

"Well if she is, she is going to have to get over it," Colin said. "I highly doubt it though. You do remember that she tripped me down the steps in our first year? She ratted me out last year for skipping class. She keeps going out of her way to make my life miserable, and if that's her way of showing affection, well, I don't want it."

"Well you know what they say when someone picks on the opposite gender," Marco said with a smile.

"I don't think it's that," I said speaking up for Colin. I knew how annoying it could be when people did that. "I think it's just resentment. She just hasn't forgiven you for abandoning her in the first year."

"She did it to herself," Colin said.

"I find that a bit odd," Patrick said. "From what I've heard, the sorting hat takes your choices into account. From the way she was carrying on, we all know she did not want to be in Slytherin. The hat sees everything. So how did she end up there?"

"It would have been Hufflepuff otherwise," Andrew said. "So it's odd. I don't understand what Hufflepuff traits she would have. She thought that Hufflepuff was even worse than Slytherin and the hat didn't feel she could fit in well with Gryffindor and most definitely not Ravenclaw. So she took Slytherin over Hufflepuff, but she really wanted Gryffindor."

We all stared at him. How did he know all that? Of course I hadn't said much to Judy since first-year, but I didn't think that Andrew had either. I also would have thought that she would take Hufflepuff over Slytherin. Considering that she had spent her first few days crying, and she even told us that Slytherin was never meant for her, I couldn't believe it.

"How do you know that?" Colin demanded.

"She told me," Andrew told me. "Remember in second year when she and I were put in all those detentions?"

Andrew and Judy had gotten into a fight in Herbology. Judy had said something offensive about Craig, and he'd stood up for him. The two got into a shouting match, and then they'd drawn wands. One of Judy's spells had hit a Mandrake pot, which could have been bad news if they weren't just babies. A few people had been knocked out. So Andrew and Judy had been given a months worth of detentions. They had actually been close to suspension, but for some reason Professor Longbottom stood up for them.

"You two got to know each other during that time?" Marco asked with a smirk. "Did you have some one on one sessions?"

"You're a loser," Andrew said and he rolled his eyes. "No, I asked her about it. I overheard Teddy Lupin saying something about it. He said Harry Potter told him. So I asked Judy about it one night when we were cleaning trophies. She explained all that to me. I'm surprised she turned down Hufflepuff for Slytherin, especially with Cynthia there. They were close after all. She wanted either Ravenclaw or Gryffindor, and when it told her that she wouldn't fit in either house at all, she told the hat that she'd go home if it put her in Hufflepuff. So it sorted her in Slytherin. She didn't want Slytherin either, but it could see that she'd rather be in Slytherin than Hufflepuff, so it put her there."

"So she basically acted like a spoiled brat," I said when I thought it over. "She wasn't upset that she was in Slytherin. She was upset that she didn't get her own way."

"Not exactly surprising," Colin replied. "She still throws fits if she doesn't get her own way."

"Speaking of which," Craig said and he glanced at me. "I got a very strange message about your little sister. She apparently threw a fit at dinner last night and blamed Ashley for what happened with Hailey?"

"Don't worry about it," I said quickly.

Not too many people knew about Ashley's miscarriage scare, and we all preferred to keep it that way. I didn't know why Craig felt the need to bring it up.

"How did you hear about that anyway?" I added. Who would have told Craig, and how did that leave our house anyway? Had Michelle mentioned it? I doubted it. I'd only told her some things about that. I hadn't told her everything. Only someone who was at that dinner table would know.

"Minnie," Craig said. "Ben told Barry about it, and Minnie overheard him telling Tasha."

"Why what exactly happened?" Marco asked. "We all know something happened to your godmother years ago when she was pregnant. It isn't exactly a secret."

"I don't want everyone knowing our family business," I said with irritation.

"People know regardless," Patrick spoke up. "They don't know the details, but we learned about Godric's Hallow. We know she helped catch the leaders who wanted to take over for You-Know-Who. All anyone knows is that she had to quit being a teacher after that night because something terrible had happened. It's not hard to put two and two together when it comes to your baby sister. Most people have figured it out. It's better just to tell the truth so that rumours aren't going around about that. I like and respect your godmother, and so I am not willing to believe she knew she was pregnant."

"She didn't," I said with a sigh.

The last thing I wanted to do was talk about my family problems, or my relationship but somehow it had turned back on me. I decided there was some truth in what Patrick said though. I did know that at times rumours did go around about that night. So I quickly explained what happened that night, and then what happened with Alyssa the previous night.

"Don't go gossiping about it," I said. "Unless people bring up Ashley directly, I don't want you talking about it. It was a horrible situation for our family. I don't want people to have the wrong idea either, so that is the only time you can talk about it."

"We wouldn't gossip about you or your family," Albert spoke up. "When have we ever?"

"Your family has nothing but good to us when we all go over," Rodney added. "I always look forward to the pool parties. Your godmother helped me with a Charm's problem this year anyway. It wouldn't be right for me to return the favour by gossiping about that."

"How did she help you?" I asked with confusion.

"I asked her at New Years, and she gave me her number," Rodney responded.

"Alyssa seems to be out of control," Albert told me. "You might want to watch out for her. Considering that she was apparently drunk in the common room and all the snogging she does around the corridors."

"Wait, what?" I asked forgetting about Hailey and Ashley. "What are you talking about?"

"Uh oh," Andrew muttered and he began pouring shots.

We'd all been drinking butterbeer before then.

"Maybe I shouldn't have said anything," Albert said.

"Well you have now," I said. "What are you talking about?" I demanded.

"Your little sister isn't so innocent mate," Marco responded when Albert didn't continue. "Her and a bunch of other first years got drunk in the common room. She was quite hung-over the next day apparently. Michelle had to take care of her. She's also been seen around snogging random boys."

"And no one felt the need to tell me until now?" I demanded.

"Why would we?" Craig asked. "We all knew you'd flip out. She isn't doing anything that most people her age don't do. You snogged random girls in the corridors. Most of us tried alcohol in our first year. I don't know why you're bringing it up," he added to Albert. "You know it would just work him up. Other than what she did last night, how is she out of control?"

Albert shrugged. "I dunno. I've known her since she was a little girl. It just seems odd. I still remember her as that four-year-old who used to try and follow Hayden around during our breaks. Or whenever we had the pool parties back then. It's hard for me to imagine her doing those things now. She's grown quite pretty too."

"Enough!" I said angrily. "She's twelve. We're going to have a talk when I get home, that's for sure."

I grabbed one of the shot glasses that Andrew had poured. "Next topic please."

Despite that conversation, the rest of the night went well. I'd forgotten what it was like to have just the boys around. We used to all the time, but Cynthia began having her jealousy issues, and the other guys had their own girl problems as well. For the longest time, Marco had actually been the clingy and jealous one when it came to Cassidy. He'd wanted to spend all his time with her until she'd gotten fed up with it. Not only that, but OWLs had taken up all our time too. I believed it had been likely this time last year when we'd actually last all gotten together like this. It had been a long time since our group (including the girls) had gotten together as well.

By the time I got home the next day, I felt relaxed and refreshed. I was slightly hung-over though. A night with the boys meant a lot of alcohol consumption. I'd lost track of the amount of shots I'd taken after the first one. All I knew was that it would be awhile before I decided to drink again. I'd spent three nights drinking in a row. That was enough. I didn't know how some people did that every weekend.

I found my godparents out on the back deck. They had butterbeers in front of them. Even the sight of a butterbeer turned my stomach. I took a seat beside Ashley who raised her eyebrows as she looked me over.

"Just how hung-over are you?" She asked me.

"Well I haven't thrown up," I told her. "I'm just tired, I have a headache and the smell of that butterbeer is turning my stomach."

"I can grab you a hang-over potion," Ben told me.

"No, I am good," I said. "I don't like taking those things. I don't even like taking pepperup potion."

"I know," Ashley said dryly. "You used to resist all the time when you were a kid. I don't know why. It makes you feel better. The taste doesn't last that long."

"It's not just the taste, it's just relying on things," I answered.

I wasn't sure why I felt that way. I usually did give in to the medicines after a while, but I usually felt like those kind of potions made you weak. I often felt that I should just suck it up and deal with whatever the affliction was. Even as a young boy I felt that it was weak to give in when I had a cold, and so I would argue with Ben or Ashley about taking it. Before I'd moved in with them, I'd had to deal with colds on my own anyways.

"Well the offer is there," Ben told me. "But we're having people over soon, so you might want to rethink things over."

"Why how many people are coming over?" I asked feeling some dread. I had just wanted a relaxing Sunday afternoon by the pool before I hung out with Michelle later.

"Several of the neighbours and the family," Ashley told me. "We haven't had a Sunday dinner with everyone this summer."

So that meant the yard would be full of kids. I didn't want to spend the day looking after a bunch of kids, and it would probably turn into that. Normally I didn't mind. The adults would all get together and talk while everyone seventeen and under got together. Anyone over the age of twelve looked after the little ones. Usually I enjoyed this, but I was most certainly not in the mood for it now. Likely even the adults had heard about the break up and they would question me about it.

"I'll take the hang-over potion," I responded. "But do we have to stay here all day? Can't we go over to Michelle's and swim over there. I'm not in the mood for the little kids."

"On one condition," Ashley answered. "Let Alyssa and her friends go with you. We had a long talk with her yesterday, and she wants us to treat her more adult. We promised her we would, and she promised to keep her attitude in check."

"After what she said to you?" I asked skeptically.

I wondered why they would want to reward her. In my opinion, she should be grounded for a few weeks for that. It was why I believed she was spoiled. She could get away with saying something so horrible, even if she didn't mean it.

"Michelle talked to her yesterday," Ashley said. "She managed to get it out of Alyssa about why she acted out. Alyssa came down to apologize and talk to us. She's been grounded to her room all weekend, but starting tomorrow she will be the baby-sitter for Hailey and the twins. She knows what she said was out of line, and she regrets it. We had a long talk about all of that. So we told her that we will be holding her to a higher standard than we used to. Her punishment ends today."

"I suppose it's fine, as long as it doesn't extend to the twins as well," I said knowing that William and Cameron would throw a fit about this. "If she's with Mackenzie and Clarissa, she won't bother me anyway."

"She does want to talk to you," Ashley told me. "So why don't you go up and talk to her, and then bring her down. I'm sure she's tired of being confined to her room by now."

"And I'll get a hang-over potion ready for when you two come back downstairs," Ben told me. "Our guests will be here soon enough. You do look quite pale and we'll be making a lot of food. I know what it's like to be hung-over and around food."

"You experienced that just yesterday morning," Ashley said with amusement to him. "And you don't have to worry. Alyssa promised she wouldn't pester you about Cynthia. That's not what she wants to talk to you about."

"I'll eventually talk to her about that, but as long as she doesn't want to talk about it now I am fine with it," I said and I stood up and stretched.

I leaned down to kiss her on the cheek before I headed back in. It was something I'd started doing the previous summer to most of the adult women. I saw it as a sign of respect. I wondered exactly what it was that Alyssa wanted to talk to me about if it wasn't Cynthia. When I really thought about it, I realized I should have talked to her about it. I wasn't in the mood at that moment, but I hadn't been fair to her. Cynthia was a friend of hers too after all.

When I entered her room, it was to find that she was as usual sitting in her window seat. It seemed to be her favourite place to be. I wondered if it was why Ben and Ashley had built it for her. Had they known that someday she would want to sit there and gaze out the window? The rest of us didn't have that luxury, and this room had been built for her. Just as the twins rooms had been built for them. They had separate rooms, but they shared a connecting bathroom. I was sure even my room had been built specifically for me. Hailey was the only exception because we'd move in here after she'd been born, but we'd all worked together on decorating her room.

She was painting her toe nails red to match the red summer dress she was wearing. The girl changed her nail polish so much that the room often smelled like it. She usually liked to match even her nails to her outfits. God forbid her nails be green (which had happened the week before) while she wore something that didn't go with it. I couldn't help but smile as I watched her.

"You can come in if you want," Alyssa said without looking up. "I know you're watching me."

I stepped into her room which was spotless, which was a surprise. Generally she had clothes or something on the floor. Her vanity table was generally messy as well. I supposed she had spent the time doing homework and cleaning, or else her parents had made her clean.

"Ashley and Ben said that you wanted to talk," I said and I crossed the room to sit with her at her window seat.

"I wanted to apologize for Friday night," she told me. "I also want to talk about how you make me feel. Michelle told me that I needed to talk to everyone instead of bottling it all up. If I didn't bottle things up, maybe I wouldn't have reacted the way I did," and then she sighed and set the nail polish bottle down. "Not that it excuses it. I feel so horrible for what I said to mum. I should never have said that. She's forgiven me, but I can't stop thinking about it."

"We all knew you didn't mean it," I told her. "You're right, you shouldn't have said it. It's not me you need to apologize to though."

"I shouldn't have bothered you about Cynthia," she said. "You said you didn't want to talk about it, and I kept bothering you anyways. I should have just let it go. Mum and dad are right, I did act like a spoiled brat. I'm sorry that I kept asking you about it."

"It's fine Alyssa," I said. "I expect I will get that a lot. So what do you mean by bottling things up by how I make you feel?"

I couldn't understand what I could have done to make her feel she had vent like that. If anyone knew anything about bottling up your emotions, I certainly did. I'd done it when I was younger because of how my mother made me feel. I would often let it build up to the point of frustration and either I would yell at the wrong person, or at the wrong time. I couldn't imagine what I could have done to Alyssa to make her feel that way.

"You make me feel like a little girl," she told me. "Or even ashamed of myself. Sometimes it's not just the little girl thing, but with the clothes I wear or when I wear makeup. It's like you still see me as four-year-old sometimes, but then other times you think I am doing something too grown up or wrong. I'm twelve-years-old and I am taller than mum now you know. You had more responsibility at my age."

"Alyssa, you've always been my little sister. I'm five years older than you. It's hard for me sometimes," I said.

"I want to be treated like a grown up. It's the same as you wanted when you were my age," she told me. "You wanted it even when you were younger. I remember hearing you talking to mum and dad about the same things. I want you to stop treating me like a little girl, but I also want you to stop making me feel ashamed of being a girl too."

"What do you mean I make you feel ashamed of being a girl?" I asked quickly.

I began wracking my brain trying to remember when I'd ever said anything bad about her being a girl. I wasn't some misogynist.

"That skirt is a bit short and tight anyway, isn't it?" She mimicked. "You don't know how horrible that made me feel. I'm already feeling self-conscious as it is, but none of my clothes fit. You made me feel like a slag or something. Mum is getting me new clothes soon."

I remembered now. It had been the day when Ashley and Ben told us all about Hailey. Alyssa had been giving attitude because she wanted more privileges, and I'd felt annoyed by it. So I'd made a comment on a skirt she was wearing. It had been so tight that she looked as if she could barely move in it. It had put me in mind of the clothes Colleen wore at times. I realized now that it had been a very mean thing to say to her.

"I'm sorry," I said to her. "I guess I am giving you mixed ideas aren't I? I shouldn't have said that. I was just feeling annoyed by how you were acting. You act like a spoiled brat who can't take no for answer at times Alyssa."

"I know, mum and dad told me and I don't mean to," she responded. "I mean, if I am so spoiled I wouldn't work hard at school or want to baby-sit. I wouldn't want responsibilities or anything. I'd probably just lay around the house all summer and expect Mully to clean up after me. I'd want mum and dad to pay for everything when I want to earn my own way. I want to be like you. I respect that you work every summer to pay for school and your future. I want to do the same."

"You don't have to," I said. "Your parents already have a fund waiting for you for when you move out."

"They have it for you too," she told me. "And that's exactly my point. I don't want to rely on that. If I were the spoiled brat that you think I am, I would just coast through school because I have that fund waiting for me."

"I don't think you're that much of a spoiled brat," I told her. "You just act like it, and I know you're better than that. You never acted this way until recently, and I just thought maybe it was finally getting to your head. I hate to pull the abandonment card Alyssa, but you have no idea how lucky you are. I think I was just feeling resentment for you."

And I thought back to the angry letter I'd written to my mum, and even some of the thoughts I'd had before about her. I had been feeling some jealous resentment for her, and I'd projected it on her.

"I guess that makes sense," she said after a while. "But Hayden, I'm not like that and I'm sorry your mum abandoned you, but you're better off with us anyways."

"What about the drinking and snogging?" I asked ignoring her last bit. I hated it when people told me that I was better off.

"I drank once Hayden," she told me. "I was curious and I felt bad the next day. I don't know if I plan to do it again. We managed to get some alcohol, and we decided to try it. I regretted it. As for the snogging? You did it when you were my age. I know you did. These are boys I've known since I was four-years-old. It's nothing. I don't plan to shag around in case you're worried about that."

"I don't like hearing you use that word," I said and Alyssa rolled her eyes.

"And I don't like you thinking I am doing any worse than girls my age do. I'm not at all. I had a very good first year. I got good grades, I never had detentions and all I did was experiment with drinking once. Sometimes I snog cute boys, but it means nothing and they know it."

"I don't want to hear about it," I decided. "If you must do it, hide it better. I don't want to know about the snogging, and just promise me you're not going to shag someone anytime soon."

Alyssa made a face when I added the last bit.

"Hayden, I don't want even want to think about that. The last thing I want to do is become a teen mum. When I decide I want to shag someone, I will be in a relationship and I'll be a lot older than I am now. I can't even imagine doing it at your age, and I can't believe you and Cynthia did."

"We didn't shag," I lied quickly hating the fact that she was using that word or that we'd moved into this territory. I saw her roll her eyes but she didn't push the issue.

"Hayden, you have nothing to worry about. I promise I won't do anything stupid. Now if you can just promise to treat me like a grown up, we won't have problems," she told me. "I'll respect you and your choices, and you'll respect mine. We should be able to agree on that, right?"

"It's going to be a while before I see you as grown up, but I'll do my best," I finally agreed remembering how I'd felt when I'd talked to Ashley and Ben. "But you know when Hailey is twelve and you're seventeen, you'll feel the same way."

"I have a hard time seeing her as seven sometimes," Alyssa admitted. "I think of her as four sometimes still."

"Me too," I replied. "So, we have an understanding?"

I held out my hand and she grinned before she took it. We shook hands and I gave her a once over. She truly did look grown up, and it scared me. She looked so pretty and she was only going to get prettier, but I would have to respect her boundaries. I'd protect her as a big brother should, but I wouldn't make her feel bad. I hated the thought that boys were going to be thinking of her the way that I thought of Michelle or how I'd once thought of Cynthia.

"We have an understanding," she answered.

"Your parents said that your punishment is over," I told her. "They said once we talked you could go downstairs."

"Ooh why didn't you say something before Hayden?" She asked excitedly and she jumped up excitedly, knocking over the bottle of nail polish.

"Uh oh," she said as she stared down. "Mum is going to be angry. It's the third bottle this week."

"Too bad I'm not seventeen yet," I said as I got up as well. "I could clean it up and she wouldn't know."

"I'd better go get her before it settles," she told me and turned to hurry from the room.

It was annoying that I still had a couple of months to go before I could do magic. I could have just cleaned the mess up right there and then, and Ashley wouldn't have had to know. I followed after her at a slower pace. I wanted to wash up before I headed down the steps. I was sure I smelled of booze.

It took a while for people to stop messaging me on my parchment about the break up. I only responded back to the people that I felt mattered, and ignored the other messages. Some of the numbers I didn't even recognize and I had to wonder how some of these people had gotten it. Had Cynthia given it out? I figured the next time I went to Diagon Alley I would get a new parchment.

For a good week for so, I felt that I was able to divide up my time between work, my friends (especially Michelle) and my family. Alyssa kept good to her word that she wouldn't show attitude anymore. We all did our best to treat her as older instead of a little girl, and I could see that it was actually a confidence boost for her. I understood it though since I'd gone through the same thing as she was.

Minnie even pointed out to me that Alyssa likely had lost it because I'd told her that my break up was: 'grown up' talk. When I thought about it, it made sense. As much as I hated to admit it, she was getting to that age. So to her, I was just treating her like a little girl who didn't get it, and she'd lashed out. It didn't excuse what she'd said, but it made sense.

For the first time in a long time, I felt carefree. I was disappointed that we weren't going to Florida that summer, but it wasn't that big of deal. Either way I could spend time with my friends or Michelle without having to justify myself to anyone. I didn't have to worry about homework either. Work did take up my time, but it was such an easy job, and it kept my mind off of both Cynthia and Michelle that I didn't mind.

The only thing that I didn't like about it was that it was shift work. So at times I didn't get to see everyone as much as I would have liked. There came a week when I didn't get to see Michelle at all, but I'd made plans to meet up with her and the others in Diagon Alley. Alyssa was still pushing for more responsibilities and she'd asked to go shopping with her friends that year instead of with Ben and Ashley. I could tell that Ben seemed uncomfortable with this, so I quickly volunteered to go even though Ashley gave her the okay. I figured it would make Ben less uncomfortable, and less likely to either lecture her, or change her mind if we all went together.

Ashley even seemed to understand what I was doing because she thanked me for it when we were clearing the table together later on.

"He isn't comfortable but I had to point out to him that we let you go. He won't admit it, but I think he is having the hardest time with her growing up then all of us," Ashley told me. "I have my worries of course because of Hailey, but I think Ben's is different."

"Because she is going to be a teen in a year," I said. "I feel the same way about her. Sometimes I still think of her as that seven-year-old who came to Hogwarts."

"Not one of her best moments," Ashley said with a smile. "But I have noticed that she is happier. I should have realized it though. I'll have to make sure I remember that when the others start Hogwarts. Particularly William."

Later when I went upstairs, it was to find an owl in my room. Either my OWL results had arrived (which would be any day) or my mother had gotten back to me. I took the letter from the owl and knew that it had to be from my mother. It just had my name written on the front and it was a paper envelope. I kept some owl treats in my room, so I went looking for them in my desk. The owl hooted happily behind me. I didn't recognize it so I had to wonder if she'd used an owl call. It wasn't one of the post off owls. They had a band around one of their legs.

After the owl had taken off, I opened the envelope and pulled out normal looking muggle paper. It seemed almost odd to me. I was so used to parchment. I only really saw paper if I went to Jaime's (which was rare) or to Ashley's parents, but I never paid much attention to it. It had a completely different texture to it. It was much thinner and it had lines on it.

I sighed and sat down at my desk to see what she had to say. Usually she updated me on my little sister Myleigh, who was apparently really smart. They'd apparently talked about letting her skip a year. She had also inherited our mothers talent in art. At times mum would send me a picture she'd drawn, and I was impressed. She was as talented as I'd been at that age. I wished I could meet her and tell her who I was, but she didn't know that I existed.

As I read through the letter, my curiousity turned to annoyance and guilt. I shouldn't have bad mouthed Alyssa to her. Her letter was full of insults about how Ben and Ashley probably spoiled Alyssa, and that I was lucky I'd spent the first nine years of my life with her. According to her, I'd managed to escape their influence. At the end of the letter, she even suggested we could meet up and talk about living arrangements.

She knew the score. She knew that Ashley and Ben were my parents now. Not her. There had been a time when I'd wished more than anything that she would ask me to come home. Now I didn't want that. I lived with the people I was supposed to live with. She couldn't come back to me after all these years, especially after she felt the need to insult my sister and my parents. She didn't want me to move in as her son anyway, but as some foster kid that she'd volunteered to take care of. How could she be so selfish?

I gritted my teeth together, and pulled out a piece of parchment. I hated it when she had to pull this kind of thing. Even though she'd given me to Ashley and Ben, ever since we'd been writing to each other, I often felt as if she wanted to turn me against them. Perhaps not necessarily turn me against them, but maybe cause a conflict between us. Ever since she'd pulled the first stunt in first year, I felt this way.

So I furiously wrote to her. I told her that while I had vented about Alyssa, it didn't mean that she was a spoiled brat. I told her that I considered her my sister, and that siblings often did complain about each other that way. I also told her that under no circumstances was I going to move back in with her.

I'm going to be seventeen in September. I'll be of age in the Wizarding World. I make my own decisions now, and I am choosing to stay with Ben and Ashley. You gave up your rights when I was eight-years-old. The only reason we are writing to each other is because I wanted to update you on my life, and that is the way it's going to stay. You are the one who told me that I was better off with them. At the time, I didn't agree with you, but now I do. So no, we aren't going to discuss living arrangements. I know that both Ben and Ashley told you that you couldn't try and take me back. Even if you tried to get me back through the muggle world, you couldn't. I'll be eighteen next year, and I know it takes time. So lets just keep our relationship the way it is.

"Are you working on homework?"

I looked up to see that Alyssa had entered the room. I smiled at her. She was a welcome distraction from my letter. I still had more to say to her, but thinking about her put me in a bad mood. Alyssa was back to her old sweet self again. So I was happy to see her. I did feel guilty for what I'd written about her in the letter, and I hoped she would never find out. I set down my quill. I realized my hand was hurting, so I waved it back forth before looking down at my parchment. I'd written a lot to her already.

"No homework after fifth year," I answered. "They don't know what classes we are keeping next year. I'm just writing to mum."

"Oh," she answered and I could sense the disapproval in her voice, but I was used to that. No one liked it when I wrote to mum.

"She wants us to meet up for lunch some time this summer, but I don't think I will," I half lied. I planned to tell Ashley and Ben about what she'd said. So it didn't hurt to tell Alyssa some of it. "I'm not ready to see her yet. Maybe in a couple years I will see her. I'm happy with us just writing back and forth."

"Is that why she hides when she comes to the train station? Because you don't want to see her?" She asked.

No, it's because she is a coward I thought to myself.

"No, she just does that willingly. I was angry with her when she did it in my first-year, and I almost stopped speaking to her but now I actually don't care," I explained. "I don't know how I feel about seeing her again to be honest, not even on the platform. Anyway, you're not here to talk about mum."

I hoped she would take the hint and move on. It was the last thing I wanted to talk about at the moment. It was already a talk I'd have to have with Ashley and Ben soon enough, and I wasn't looking forward to that. Ashley would get stressed, and Ben would get angry. Chances are he'd even go visit her again. Perhaps if he decided to do that, I'd actually go with him this time.

"No," she replied and she suddenly looked nervous. She remained silent a few seconds before she sighed and looked directly me in the eyes. "If you don't want to talk about it, we don't have to, but I just wanted to know what happened with you and Cynthia. I'm not trying to be nosy, it's just I liked her and you two seemed close."

I could understand her nervousness given the last time she'd brought it up. However, this time I didn't mind talking to her. I'd planned to do it anyway. I felt relieved that it was actually Cynthia she wanted to talk to about anyway. I let out a sigh of relief and then nodded at a chair I kept by my desk. Often Ben would sit there and help me with my homework, or Ashley would sit there and we'd have a good talk. In our happier days, Cynthia had sat there as well. Alyssa smiled and then took a seat.

"I don't mind now," I told her. "I probably should have even talked to you before. I'm doing my best not to see you as a pesky little sister anymore. I know you mean well. I shouldn't have called it grown up talk. Minnie told me that's probably what set you off."

"She's right," Alyssa agreed. "But I should have just backed off the first time you said no."

"We both could have done things differently that night," I said with a shrug, not wanting to talk about that night either. We could rehash what we should have or shouldn't have done over and over again, but it wouldn't change anything. I also knew she felt horrible still. "Anyway, Cynthia was just getting more and more clingy and jealous. I will never see Minnie that way because she is just a sister to me, like you are. Cynthia just wouldn't listen though and she wouldn't even let us hang out by ourselves even though she was my first best friend. I just got tired of it, but it wasn't just that. I just stopped having feelings for her. It was just a long time coming, and I should have broken up with her a while ago."

"And now you like Michelle," Alyssa responded. "I always liked Cynthia, but I think you and Michelle will make a good couple too. I bet mum and dad would love it, and so would Ellen and Keith."

I looked at her with shock. How could she possibly know that? I knew that sometimes she talked to Andrew. Had he told her? I knew that she'd written to him recently for some help with Transfiguration.

"Who told you that?" I demanded.

"No one told me. No one has to tell me. I can see it between the two of you. She likes you too," Alyssa told me, "So I don't know why you two don't get together."

"Did she tell you that?" I asked now interested. They were close after all, or perhaps Michelle had told Clarissa and she'd mentioned it to Alyssa.

"No, I told you. I can tell," Alyssa explained. "I've seen the two of you together. I know she used to like you years ago, and maybe it just never went away. She was so sad when you went away to Hogwarts your first-year. It was why she hung out with us that summer instead of her friends. You were baby-sitting and she wanted you to notice her."

I thought about the summer before my first-year and how much I'd ignored her. Minnie had noticed that she'd seemed sad and I'd been indifferent to it. I remember how she'd sit on the swing or on her own and watch us. I'd wondered why she hadn't just hung out with her friends.

"Now I feel like a prat, but I didn't know, and besides I didn't take her seriously back then. I didn't know she liked me," I said as I ran a hand through my hair.

"I overheard mum and Ellen talking about it," Alyssa said. "Michelle didn't want anyone to know and mum and Ellen thought she would get over it. I don't think she ever did because I could see how she looked at you."

"Why didn't I talk to you before?" I asked not actually expecting her to give a response to that. However, perhaps she did know more. She was observant and she was best friends with Michelle's little sister. "What else do you know or think?"

"Are you going to ask her out?" Alyssa asked excitedly.

"No," I answered quickly. I still felt she was too young, and it was still too soon after my break up. "I just want to hear your thoughts on this."

"But why not? You like her, and she likes you," Alyssa pressed.

"I'm going to be seventeen in September, Alyssa. Michelle turned fourteen in March," I explained. "I'm going to be of age, and as much as Ellen and Keith like me, I'm sure they wouldn't be happy with their fourteen-year-old daughter with a seventeen-year-old."

"It's like two and a half years," Alyssa said. It seemed she was taking on the same attitude as my friends. "She'll be fifteen in March. You're in sixth year, and she is in the fourth year. I doubt any one of them will care. That's not good enough reason. Name another one. It can't just be the age difference."

"She's innocent compared to me," I answered feeling uncomfortable. While I wanted to hear her thoughts on how Michelle felt, I didn't want to go into it anymore. She didn't need to know about the sex. "Never mind, That's not something I want to talk about with-"

"Can you date a girl without shagging her?" She interrupted.

"That's not a topic-" I began, I didn't even want her to know I had sex but she interrupted.

"Just answer the question Hayden. It doesn't have to be Michelle. It can be about any girl. When you are ready to date again, can you go without shagging the girl, or is it a requirement?"

"Sex doesn't make a relationship Alyssa," I told her not wanting her to get ideas in her head. She'd told me she wasn't ready for sex, but what if she thought it was needed? What if she thought that boys only wanted that from girls? I also just didn't want to talk about my sex life with a twelve-year-old.

"That doesn't answer the question. You know what I'm getting at Hayden," Alyssa said. "Stop thinking I am too young for this. I know about the facts of life, and I know you and Cynthia had sex. I know that when I covered for the two of you when she came over that you shagged. So just stop pretending I am too innocent for this conversation."

"Look, this still isn't easy for me. It's going to take some time for me to get used to talking to you like this. Alyssa, you're going to feel the same way when Hailey is your age and you're mine. It's not easy for me to talk to you about my sex life. And I definitely never want to hear about yours. To answer you question, no, I don't need to have sex. I'll miss it, but if I like a girl enough, I'll never make her feel she has to have sex with me, especially a fourteen-year-old," I said with some irritation. Why could she just drop it? Didn't she care that I was uncomfortable. This was what I meant by when I said she acted spoiled sometimes. She just wouldn't let up when she wanted something, even if it was information. She couldn't take no for an answer. She was too persistent.

"So that's not an excuse either Hayden," Alyssa pointed out to me.

"I'm not ready to date someone so quickly after a break-up," I answered giving her the simplest answer. She had to drop it after this. My friends had understood this, and I was sure she would get that too. "Even if I like the girl. I don't want to end having her be a rebound or something. Usually a relationship right after a break up doesn't work. Our parents were an exception to that, but otherwise it usually doesn't work for people."

"But when you're ready, you could ask her out," Alyssa replied. "You can't use your ages or the shagging as an excuse. You both like each other."

"Our families are close as well. It would be the same if I dated Minnie and we broke up," I told her.

It was like talking to Andrew and Craig all over again. None of them got it. It wasn't just the sex or the age difference. If we dated and broke up, it would affect our families. Ashley and Ellen were best friends. It could hurt their friendship too. It could even hurt Alyssa and Clarissa's friendship. There was just so much at stake.

"Hayden, out of everything you've just said, that is probably the weakest excuse," Alyssa told me and I didn't see how. Perhaps she really want too young to understand the kind of impact it could have on all of us. When I didn't answer, she continued. "I just think once you're ready to date, you should go for Michelle. You two like each other, and you get along well. You know everything about each other and we all grew up together. In my opinion, you two would make a good couple," she continued. "I think you're just scared that's all, and that's why you're making excuses. It's the same with Cynthia. You took forever to ask her out, and until recently, it worked out."

"But there is a lot more to lose with Michelle," I said. "Look, I appreciate your advice, and I am very pleased to know that she likes me back. I just need more time before I move into a relationship. Maybe when we go back to school, and if I feel the same way, I'll ask her to Hogsmeade."

"Ooh you should," Alyssa said excitedly. "I know that the Hogsmeade trips always start with Halloween. Hayden, that's plenty of time for all of you to have moved on, and for you to know if you truly want her and I think you do. I've seen the way you two are with each other. I don't think Michelle is a rebound girl at all."

I couldn't help but feel she had a point there. Perhaps I would consider Halloween or some other Hogsmeade weekend to ask her. It would give time for me to have truly moved on from Cynthia. It would also be enough time for the gossip to have died down and for enough time to have passed for it to be appropriate. I could also figure out if my feelings were true or if it was just because I thought Michelle was pretty. Maybe I just lusted after her beauty.

I saw Alyssa frowning and I wondered why. Was it because I wasn't answering her?

"Hayden, what did you mean by our parents? You said our parents were an exception," Alyssa asked and I was glad to see she was off the topic of Michelle. She must have been satisfied enough to move on. I was surprised she didn't know about how Ashley had broke up with Denver for Ben. I thought most people, even the kids knew. I was sure I'd heard Clarissa discussing it with Michelle once.

"Ashley dumped Denver for your dad," I explained. "Denver and Ashley were off and on for years apparently. In their fifth year, Ashley realized she wanted your dad, so she dumped Denver and asked out Ben."

"I never knew that. I knew mum and Denver had a relationship at some point, but they made it sound as if it meant nothing... Hayden maybe you and Michelle will be like my mum and dad," Alyssa said and I couldn't help but amused. I rolled my eyes but smiled at her.

"Like I said, I need time," I told her. "This is something I can't rush, especially if it's with Michelle. I plan to just hang out with her this summer. Please do me a favour and don't tell anyone, especially Clarissa. Your friends don't need to know about this. Only Andrew and Craig know."

"I won't tell anyone, and I want to be the first to know when you date, even if you decide to keep it secret. I think you should let me know since I guessed and I'm giving you advice," she answered with a big smile.

"You'll know even before the blokes," I promised, and I would keep that promise. She had been the most helpful after all. She was the one to tell me that Michelle liked me. "You really have been a lot of help. I really am sorry I didn't take you more seriously before. You truly are grown up Alyssa."

Her smile went even wider, but then she looked deep in thought and then she slowly frowned again. I wondered what it was about this time?

"Hayden, did you know that Aunt Brenda almost lost Dakota?" She asked me.

I looked at her with surprise. I hadn't known about that. I knew that Brenda couldn't have more kids after Dakota, but I hadn't known that. She'd had him so soon after Anthony. I wondered who had told her that, or if she'd overheard something. I didn't care much for Brenda so I didn't pay much attention to her or her family. She always gave my parents advice that they didn't need.

"No, who told you that?" I asked.

"Richard," she answered. "It's why Aunt Brenda won't have anymore kids. Richard said that she ended up having to be in bed rest for the last two months. He said she almost had Dakota early, but they stopped the contractions in time, and she wasn't allowed to do anything, not even pick up Anthony."

"No one ever told me about that," I answered. "But I would have been at Hogwarts for all that anyway. I remember thinking that she'd had them too close together, but I didn't know any of that."

I'd also hadn't cared. I liked Richard well enough, and Anthony and Dakota were good kids but I just didn't pay attention to Brenda. So whatever went on in her life, I didn't know or care to know. I liked Barry and Brianne well enough but not Brenda.

"I guess it's something that none of the adults wanted us to know," she said and then she looked a little angry. "I just find it hypocritical of her I guess. I mean, I know she couldn't have predicted what would happen with herself, but-" I could see she was slowing getting herself worked up.

"What are you going on about Alyssa?" I interrupted not understanding what could be upsetting her or what Brenda could be hypocritical about. Brenda was a hypocrite but Alyssa could have been talking about anything. I did know that she'd felt about Ashley and Hailey at the time. So what was Alyssa getting at? "How can she be a hypocrite? She felt just as bad as everyone else did."

"That's the thing Hayden," Alyssa responded. "She didn't. She was angry with mum for years until she almost lost Dakota. She just never said anything directly to mum or dad about it. That comment she made before you started at Hogwarts was actually a jab."

"Which comment?" I asked feeling angry now. I was sure I knew what she was talking about it, but I needed it confirmed. Brenda was a good actress if that was the case. She'd been close to tears that night.

"The comment about when mum and dad would have another baby," Alyssa explained confirming that it had been what I was thinking about. "Remember that? Everyone got so angry about it. I was only seven, but I understood how bad it was at the time. I knew mum couldn't have anymore babies after Hailey. I guess hypocritical isn't the right word, but I just don't think I can ever forgive her for that."

Now I was angry. All I wanted to do was go over to Brenda's and yell at her. How could she have been so insensitive? How could she have blamed Ashley for that and how could she throw a jab at her like that? It was one thing when a twelve-year-old did it out of frustration, it was another when a grown woman who should better did it. I could feel the anger rising in me and I had to take some deep breaths to calm myself down. I remember the anger techniques my therapist had taught me years ago, and I used them. I thought about all the happy things in my life and slowly counted to ten. I slowly unclenched my fists.

"Do Ashley and Ben know this?" I asked once I had some control of myself.

In my opinion it was something they never needed to know. It would just stress Ashley out and it would anger Ben. He had a bad temper and as upsetting as it was, this could ruin his relationship with his sister. I didn't want that and neither did Alyssa. I knew Ben wouldn't want that either, but it would happen if he knew the truth. Sometimes grown ups kept things from kids because they thought it was for the best, and now I was going to do them the same favour they did for us.

"No," she answered. "I always knew she was angry with mum because she talked about it in front of me. She's one of those people who think little kids are deaf and dumb. Richard told me the rest. You know, he told off Aunt Brenda when we were younger for that."

I was glad to hear that. Richard was so different from his mother. I would have thought someone else had raised him. He didn't mind telling her to back off when she needed to hear it. He was very stubborn and rebellious. I liked him and I was glad that someone could stand up for her. It was nice to know that he'd told her off for being a bitch.

"Good," I said. "Look, Ashley isn't stressed anymore. She never needs to know about that, and it's probably best if Ben doesn't either. They went through a really hard time during Ashley's pregnancy and afterwards. I remember comforting Ashley when she thought she lost Hailey. She doesn't need to know about any of that. It's why I was so angry with you. I mean, I know she's supposed to be the parent, and she's supposed to be the one looking after us, but that's a touchy subject. Sometimes I worry something might set off the stress again, and if she knows her sister-in-law felt that way, it could make her relapse. It's just... I lost a mother already, I can't lose another. It's why I get protective of her."

A lot of people often mentioned I protected her, and sometimes I acted as a parent to her. I often had to justify my reasons for why. I would never forget the day she'd told me she'd lost Hailey, or the week that she'd been so depressed. I also would never forget her pregnancy and the three years that had followed. I couldn't imagine what it would be like to a lose your child, but I had lost a mother. I'd been terrified I would lose my second mother. So I was protective of her. It was something I doubted even Michael who understood me better than anyone could understand why I protected her even though he'd been abandoned too. He'd never had to worry about almost losing another parent the way I had.

I never wanted to see her like that again, and if keeping that information from her helped, I would. I'd never be able to see Brenda the same again. I had never liked her, but now I felt nothing but hatred for her. She was not my family as far as I was concerned.

"Hayden, I know it's a touchy subject for you, but why do you still talk to your mum?" Alyssa asked me. "You say that Ashley is your mum, and she actually is since she adopted you. Mum and dad gave you our last name, so why do you talk to someone who abandoned you for something you couldn't help? I can see that you're protective of mum, so you love her. I don't think you've ever really gotten angry with mum for that reason. It's like you said, sometimes you act more like her parent than the other way around."

"It's hard for you, or anyone else to understand. Only Michael gets it," I answered. "I'm still angry with her for what she did, but it's hard for me not to want to talk to her either. When I first started to write to her, she told me that she would never be my mother, but we could talk to each other. I was really upset by that at first, because I just wanted my mother. Now however, I would never want her to be my mother. Ashley is my mum, and Ben is my father. Also, I wasn't always protective of Ashley. There was a time when I was angry with her as well. Before she almost lost Hailey I was angry with her, and then when I started first-year I was. Her stress used to bother me because I felt that since I was a kid, and she wasn't, she had no right to feel stressed by me. I stopped feeling that way when I realized mum was in the wrong."

"So if your mum ever wanted you back, you wouldn't go?" Alyssa asked.

I wondered if I should tell Alyssa about the letter, but I decided it wasn't the best idea at the moment. I didn't want her to know that I'd brought it on my insulting her to my mother. I shouldn't have vented to her about Alyssa, but I hadn't known that mum would respond the way she had. I decided to answer her the best I could without revealing anything.

I wasn't sure when I should bring up my mum's letter to Ashley and Ben. I decided for the time being that I would put it off. Years ago, Ashley had made a box similar to the one Craig had back in the first year. I used it to store letters, particularly from my mother in it. No one else would be able to access it but me, so I could hide things in there. I put her letter in it so that no one could find it. Ashley and Ben had never really snooped through my room, but I still didn't want to leave it out. I knew Alyssa or my parents would be hurt to see it. It was something I'd have to bring up carefully.

I was feeling a bit down because I really hadn't seen Michelle around. With my work schedule, it was hard. I was seriously considering quitting for the last few weeks before school. Ben and Ashley had both told me it would be okay. They weren't happy with the amount of hours that I was working.

"Listen to me," Ben said to be one evening when I came in late. "It's admirable that you want to earn money. We're very proud of you, but we also want you to enjoy your childhood. Take some time off and relax Hayden. One of my biggest regrets from Hogwarts is that I didn't enjoy myself enough. I don't want you to look back and regret that you didn't enjoy your summers because you worked so hard. You're taking on extra shifts that you don't have to. I know we're not going on vacation this year, but that doesn't mean you can't enjoy yourself here. Alyssa is baby-sitting now. So you don't have to worry about the kids unless you want to."

"I'll leave that to Alyssa, but I'll keep that in mind," I'd told him.

I was seriously considering it. At first I'd been taking the extra shifts not for the money but to distract me from Cynthia, but I was regretting it now. The thought of relaxing and doing nothing for the last few weeks of summer was sounding better every time I thought about it. I would just have to make sure I didn't step on Alyssa's turf. I didn't want her to think I was interfering. The last thing I wanted to do was look after all of the kids at any rate. I didn't mind sometimes, but I felt my baby-sitting days were over. I figured after we went for our school supplies I would see how much money I had, and then quit.

On the morning that we were going to Diagon Alley, I got up early. I was excited to see Michelle. It had been a while, and it was why I needed to quit. I'd be able to visit with her more once I did. I hurriedly made breakfast and then I went up to wake up the kids. I really hoped Alyssa wasn't going to take her sweet time that morning. She always had to brush her hair a million times, and then carefully put on her makeup. We were supposed to meet everyone at the Leaky Cauldron at ten.

It wasn't hard to get the twins and Hailey up, but when I went into Alyssa's room, it was to find her bed not slept in. Where could she be? She couldn't have slept over at Clarissa's. They would have told me. Did she sneak out last night? I hurried into Ben and Ashley's room wondering if there was a chance she was in there for some reason. I felt relief to see her sleeping on Ben's side of the bed, but I was also annoyed. Why was she in here instead of her own bed? She had scared me.

"Alyssa, what are you doing in here?" I asked as I shook her awake. "I went into your room to wake up, and you weren't there."

"I sleep in here when dad isn't home," she answered looking half asleep. She stretched out and looked up at me. "Why? What's the problem?"

"I was worried when I didn't find you in your room or downstairs anywhere," I explained and then I smirked at her. "Do you have nightmares still? You do know there is a difference between dreams and reality, right?" I teased.

"No," she answered and she sat up. "I just feel guilty about what I said to mum. I just want to be close to her. I don't think she minds me sleeping in here."

"Not likely," I said figuring that would be the last thing she would mind. I knew she wanted to be close to all of us. I thought about what I said and stopped smiling. She had to get past that. What she had said was horrible, but she shouldn't feel so guilty about it. We all said horrible things we shouldn't. "But Alyssa, you can't keep beating yourself up over that. We all say things we regret. You are sorry, and you've apologized," I added to her.

"You've never said anything as bad as I did," she said and she climbed out of bed.

"No, but I have said things I've regretted. It would be different if you meant it, but you didn't. You were angry and you couldn't control your emotions, so you lashed out. You said something stupid, but it happens Alyssa. As long as you've learned from it, that's all that matters," I said to her. "Maybe what I said to Ben isn't as bad as what you said, but I know it still hurt him. I've said other things I've regretted as well. I once told Minnie to shut up when she was complaining about Barry and Tasha, because at least she had parents. I told her that not everyone had the luxury of having parents who loved them, and that she was a spoiled brat who had to get over herself. She didn't speak to me for a week. I felt terrible for saying that to her."

"But that's kind of understandable," she said. "You've told me that I'm lucky to have mum and dad too."

"Not in the way I spoke to Minnie. She's my best friend. She is the one person besides our parents who has always had my back. We've been friends since we were babies, but if it weren't for Minnie I probably wouldn't be where I am right now. Ashley and Ben have helped, but it's really been Minnie who has always been there," I told her. "That's not the only time I've snapped at her, but that is the one time she stopped speaking to me."

Alyssa nodded and then sighed. "It's going to be a while before I stop feeling so guilty," she said. "I know she and dad have forgiven me, but it was a terrible thing to say. How is Hailey supposed to feel about that as well? She's still so young and forgiving, but she's going to remember this. What if what I said makes her think about it more when she is older, and she blames mum?"

"Hailey is likely going to question it later on, but it won't be because you said that," I said, I'd thought about that too. I had questioned it, Alyssa had, I knew Michelle and Minnie had, the twins likely would and Hailey probably would the most out of everyone. "She may or may not get angry. I've questioned it too. I was only nine when it all happened and I wondered about it as I grew older. Ashley didn't even give me all the details until I asked her about it in my first-year. I wasn't exactly angry with her, but I did wonder about her choice about going that night at all. Like I told you before, I was scared to lose another mother and in a way I wondered if it was selfish of her to go like that. However, I never said anything to her and I stopped thinking like that. She felt she had to go, so she went. It's a decision she's going to regret for the rest of her life."

"Which is why I shouldn't have said that," Alyssa insisted. "But I too feel that she shouldn't have gone. She should have stayed at Grandmum's with us. When I was nine, I accepted it but I've been thinking about it more, and I was thinking about it a lot when she was telling William, Cameron and Hailey. She shouldn't have gone that night even if she wasn't pregnant. That's why I was kind of annoyed with her, and then with all the frustration I felt, it all built up and I exploded. I've considered telling her that, but I don't know how to without making her think I am blaming her about Hailey."

"Might be best not to bring it up," I said thinking about my first year. I knew it had caused a fight between Ashley and Ben. I didn't know the details, but something had happened between them, and then I'd gone to Hogwarts and they had gone to Florida to work on things. "I think Ben had already talked to her about that anyways. He feels the same way. Anyways, I am going to get breakfast started. You go get ready. I told Minnie that we'd meet everyone there at around ten. It's eight now."

I wasn't going to add that I already had it ready. If I told her that, she would take her time.

"We're nor bringing the kids are we?" She asked which sounded odd to me. At one time she had been one of the kids. Now she was one of the older ones. "I thought it was just going to be all the Hogwarts students."

"It is, which is why we need to get ready now. All the kids are going to Ben's parents," I said. "I know you have your long morning rituals."

"They're not that long," she retorted and turned to head into her room. I knew she'd be the last one downstairs though.

I watched her go and then turned to go downstairs. Hailey stepped out of her room just as I walked past it.

"Why are you still up here?" I asked, she was still in her pajamas, so I couldn't figure out why she hadn't gone downstairs right away.

"Because," she said as if that was enough of an explanation. She hurried down the steps ahead of me. I shook my head hoping that the twins at least were already downstairs.

Thankfully when I entered the dining room it was to find them at their places and waiting for me. Hailey hurried to her seat, so I went to the kitchen to get breakfast to serve to them. The boys instantly started to eat fast as if they were starving. They usually did though. They were likely growing again. I had a feeling they were going to be like Alyssa and start shooting up quickly. I figured Hailey was going to be the only short one besides Ashley in the family.

I served myself breakfast and began to eat. As usual, Alyssa took forever. I was just finishing up when she entered the dining room all dressed up. I couldn't help but look at her with annoyance I got up to serve her breakfast as well.

"I don't see why we can't go to Diagon Alley," Cameron complained. I was surprised he and William had held back this long. I had expected complaints long before now. I expected they wanted to do it in front of their sister. "Alyssa is supposed to be our baby-sitter."

"We're going for school supplies," I told him with annoyance. "Next year will be your turn."

"With mum and dad," William complained.. "We want to go with you two."

"After your first-year, you'll be able to go too," Alyssa said. "All you need is parchment and quills right now."

"And new clothes," William insisted. "I have flood pants now. Next year I'll need new clothes too. You got new clothes."

"I needed new clothes more than you did," Alyssa said. "Your summer clothes still fit. You won't need school clothes until closer to the school year. Not even my old summer clothes fit me anymore."

"We never get to do anything," Cameron said. "We always get treated like little kids. Before you two came home, mum and dad let us do more. Now that you're home, we're just the kids again. I can't wait until you two go back to Hogwarts."

I hated when they fought. I had to wonder how it went when Alyssa was in charge. I understood how Ashley and Ben felt when the kids got in fights now, it was annoying. I remember how annoying it had been a few years ago with Michelle and Clarissa. We'd gone on a trip to Niagara Falls and the two of them had been at each others throats. We'd ended up letting Michelle hang out with us. That hadn't been the only reason, but it had been one of them.

"Suck it up buttercup," I said now to Cameron. "I'm going to go get ready now. The three of you can finish up eating, and then you can get ready to go to your grandparents. You can go now if you want in fact. Since you want to be so grown up, you can all get ready on your own and leave on your own."

"We will," William taunted."We're allowed to floo by ourselves now."

Good riddance I couldn't help but think as I left the room. His attitude at times annoyed me more than any of the children. He was a bit of a bully as well. One of these days I was going to sit with him to have a talk with him. I didn't want him to grow up arrogant. Ashley and Ben punished him a lot for it, but it didn't seem to work. It just made him even more angry. I figured he needed a big brother talk to. People wouldn't tolerate that attitude at Hogwarts. Perhaps we could even spend a day at Diagon Alley.

I had a quick shower and then I found an outfit that Ellen had bought me at the beginning of the summer. It was quite stylish. She'd said that girls would love it on me. I wondered how she'd feel if she knew that I was wearing it for her daughter. I knew when she'd gotten it that she'd had Cynthia on her mind. It had been a back home from school present. The adults usually bought us all something for good grades and when we came home.

When I got downstairs, it was to find that everyone was gone. They'd left their dirty plates on the table, but that wasn't a surprise. They didn't seem to know how to put a dirty dish in the sink. Most of the time Ashley, Ben or me would come home from work to find the house a mess. Either they expected Mully to do it, or they thought one of us would. It was something I'd have to tell Alyssa that was part of baby-sitting. I just didn't know how without stepping on her toes.

I glanced at the clock. Of course Alyssa was taking her sweet time again. What could she be doing now? She'd been dressed at breakfast, so why was she back upstairs? I doubted she'd gone without me. I began to pace. I wanted to get there before ten. Alyssa and Hailey appeared moments later and I understood. Alyssa had dressed her to look the same, including her hair. I had to admit that they made a cute pair, but why did they have to take so long?

"Please tell me you're not going to grow up like your sister," I said to Hailey.

"Why?" She asked. "What's wrong with Alyssa?"

"She takes too long to get ready," I explained. "You two are natural beauties. You don't need make-up anyway." The last bit was more for Alyssa than Hailey, but I knew someday she'd be wearing it too.

"No one needs make-up, but that doesn't mean it isn't fun to wear," Alyssa told me. "I know I don't need it, and mum taught me how to put it on right. There is nothing wrong with wearing it though. Cynthia wore it."

"And she didn't need to, I never understand why girls wear it. You look better without it," I had never minded the subtle makeup Cynthia had worn, but I'd hated it when she had a face full. I loved how pretty she looked without all the goop on her face. She wore too much at times.

"Boys don't know anything," Alyssa said to Hailey.

I thought it was the other way around, but I wasn't going to contradict her. I just held out the floo pot to Hailey.

"Can you go through on your own, or do you need Alyssa or me to help?" I asked her.

"I've been doing it by myself for years," Hailey reminded me. "I'm fine. I got to Grandmother Hoofer's by myself all the time."

"Well go on then so we can get going. We'll write Grandmother Hoofer when we get home," I told her.

"Okay," Hailey said. She reached into the pot and pulled out a handful of the powder. She threw it into the flames which turned green. She yelled out the address and then stepped in. I decided I should write to Mrs. Hoofer just in case. The last thing we wanted was for her to get lost in the floo network. I didn't think Ashley or Ben could forgive me for that. I wrote against the wall and waited for a response.

"Why are you so impatient?" Alyssa asked me sounding irritated. "Knowing Minnie, she will probably be a little late. I bet she has only started to ready now."

"I just want to get there first before everyone else does," I told her. Even though she knew about Michelle, I still didn't want to admit that was the reason I wanted to get here. Michelle was usually early. "Just remember, you're hanging out with Clarissa, Mackenzie, and Richard today."

"Believe me, we don't want to follow you around," Alyssa said. "That's the whole point of us shopping with friends. I just hope you're not going to bug us. Mum didn't ask you to supervise us, did she?"

"Nope. She trusts you," I said. "And the last thing I want to do is follow a bunch of second years around."

"So why are you so impatient?" She asked again.

She just arrived. Have fun in Diagon Alley. Appeared on my message parchment.

"She got there," I said instead. "Are you ready to go now?"

"It's a big secret now?" Alyssa persisted. I should have known that she wouldn't let it go. "I'm not trying to be nosy, but I just want to know why I was being rushed, besides you promised you'd be honest with me more."

"I just want to see Michelle," I finally admitted. What was the point in hiding it? She knew everything anyway. "I haven't really had the chance to talk to her lately. She's going with us today. With my work schedule, and the fact that she's a social butterfly, we haven't been able to hang out as much as I hoped we would this summer. I haven't seen her in over a week."

"I don't get how that's possible when she is right next door," she said with a raised eyebrow.

"Believe me, neither do I," I responded. "Now let's get going. Now remember, just charge everything to your parents vault."

"I know," Alyssa answered, and she pulled out a piece of parchment that showed Ashley's and Ben's signatures on it. "Mum gave it to me last night to show them. Mum showed me how to do it when we went shopping for my clothes."

Without another word, she reached into the pot of floo powder that I had set on the table. She grabbed a handful and threw it into the flames. The flames turned green.

"Diagon Alley!" She shouted and stepped into the green flames.

She disappeared moments later and then I did the same thing. When I arrived, it was to find her staring down at her dress. I was about to walk over to her, but not too far from us was Cynthia and a girl named Eileen. I quickly stepped back behind a large potted plant and ducked down. I hoped she would move on. Of all the days to come, of course Cynthia was there. I watched Alyssa look back at the fireplace and then around the pub. Irritation appeared on her face, and I knew she was wondering where I was. She was probably annoyed that I had rushed her but I wasn't there yet. I was about to stand up, but Cynthia spotted her and walked over.

"Hi Alyssa," she said. "What are you doing here all by yourself?"

"I'm meeting friends here," she told her. "We're going shopping for our school supplies."

"At your age?" She asked her in a condescending tone. "You're just a little girl."

I felt instant annoyance by this. I felt as if she were talking down to my sister just because she was my sister. Cynthia had never treated the younger kids that way. She even used to tell me that I had to treat Alyssa differently because she was no longer a little girl. She seemed different already. I was shocked by the clothes she was wearing. When we had dated, she had always wore modest clothing but what she was wearing now was the opposite. Of course I appreciated seeing more skin on a girl, but I didn't like clothes like that. It just seemed desperate and I would have hated to see her wear it when we were together and out in public. It would just draw attention from other blokes. Perhaps she was even hoping to run into me. Michelle had once told me that some girls did that just to show ex-boyfriends what they were missing.

"I'm twelve," Alyssa said sounding annoyed and I was sure she was annoyed by the 'little girl' comment.

"Oh right," Cynthia said sounding as if she didn't actually care. "That's a cute dress."

"Thanks," Alyssa said and she glanced down at her dress looking upset by all the soot on it. I wished I could do magic so I could fix it for her. I knew she wasn't too happy about walking around in public like that.

"Here let me get that for you," Eileen said as she joined the girls.

"Thanks," Alyssa said happily now.

As much as I disliked Eileen, I was grateful she had done that. I knew Alyssa was going to whine about it the moment she saw me. Eileen was a girl similar to Colleen, so it was a surprise to me that Cynthia was with her. She hated snobs, but then again she seemed to be acting like one. How could someone change in such a short amount of time? It had to be all an act to annoy me when we finally saw each other again.

"Who is this?" Eileen asked Cynthia.

Alyssa looked around again, likely looking for me. I figured if they didn't go away soon I was going to have to reveal myself. Knowing Cynthia she was going to start pestering Alyssa, and I didn't want that. I just wanted her to go away.

"My ex-boyfriends little sister," Cynthia told Eileen and then she turned back to Alyssa. "Where is Hayden? How is he? Could you tell him that I wanted to talk to him?"

And this was my cue. I stepped out and walked over to them.

"I don't want to talk to you," I told her and I put a protective hand on Alyssa's shoulder. I felt angry that she was doing this even though I had expected it.

"Denny," Cynthia said breathlessly. There was a time when that would make my heart melt, but now her old nickname for me bothered me. "Please, can we talk? We haven't since that night. You've ignored all my messages. I don't think it should end just like that."

"I tried talking to you Cynthia. I'm not in love with you anymore, and I'll thank you not to bug my sister about it," I said.

Tears instantly went to her eyes. I hated to see a girl cry, but I was not going back to her. I didn't want that stress in my life again. She'd had her chance and she had blown it. She would move on. Perhaps this would be a lesson for her not to get so jealous. She knew that Minnie and me were just friends and I was still angry about how she had reacted when I had joked around with my 12 year old cousin.

I pushed Alyssa forward. I led her over to a table as far from Cynthia as I could get.

"Sorry, I should have gone over to you sooner," I apologized as we sat down. "Once I heard her ask about me, I stepped in."

"How long have you been here for?" She asked. "I didn't see you go through."

"You were too busy staring at your dress. I saw her immediately, and I hid. I was hoping she would move on, but she saw you. I'm surprised she's hanging out with Eileen," I said.

We both looked over to where we had left the girls. Cynthia was now crying and Eileen was trying to cheer her up. I looked away quickly. Couldn't they just leave now?

"She really misses you," Alyssa said.

"She blew it," I said unsympathetically. "I gave her many chances. Your mum told me that it's not right to stay with someone I am unhappy with."

The others started to arrive soon after that. I could feel Cynthia eyeballing me and I wished everyone would hurry up. Charles and Mackenzie were arguing and I really didn't want to listen to it, and I just wanted out of the pub. I felt excited when Michelle and Clarissa finally showed up. I couldn't help but notice how pretty Michelle looked in her modest sundress. I preferred the kind of clothes that she wore over that Cynthia's new wardrobe seemed to be. I grinned when we made eye contact and she smiled back. I found myself defending her when Clarissa started to badmouth her. Michelle was far from a prude.

"Have you see what your ex is wearing?" Clarissa retorted and she nodded in Cynthia's direction. She was of course still staring at us. "My dress looked modest compared to that. Mum bought it for me, so it's fine."

"Maybe mum didn't see it on you," Michelle said, "but you are right about Cynthia. She's never worn clothes like that."

I shrugged hating the fact that the conversation had turned to her. I could see her now glaring at Michelle, and I wondered if she'd noticed the way I had looked at her. Everyone who knew had told me that it was obvious when I looked at her. "I really don't give a damn. Where the hell is Minnie so we can get going?"

I noticed a hurt look on Michelle's face. I felt bad. I would have to let her know later that it wasn't her that I was angry with.

"Well the four of us are here," Mackenzie said. "Do we really need to wait with you for Minnie?"

"You can go ahead," I told them feeling moody. Alyssa had been right that she'd probably take her time. Cynthia's eyes were burning a hole in my neck and I felt ready to snap.

"Why don't you just tell Minnie to meet you somewhere in Diagon Alley?" Alyssa asked as she got up. "That way you don't have to wait for her in here."

"That isn't a bad idea," Michelle said to me. "You know Minnie. Besides, if she is staying at Ashley's parents, she is probably taking the Knight Bus here."

"She's staying over there?" Alyssa asked looking surprised. "Why?"

"She just went over there recently," I explained as I started to get up. The girls were right. She could meet up with us in Diagon Alley. I didn't want to be in a bad mood, and Cynthia's staring was putting me in one. I hated when people stared at me as it was. "She got into a fight with her parents, and left to stay there for a bit. I forgot about that. We'll just meet her in Diagon Alley. I can't handle the staring anymore. I hope she won't be like that next year."

"Better hope to get all O's on your NEWTs," Richard muttered as he too glanced at Cynthia.

We left the pub quickly and the four second years took off.

"I'm supposed to meet Roger," Charles told us. "We'll probably see you later."

Charles and Michelle really weren't as close as they used to be, but they were also in different houses so I figured it was expected. They hadn't really grown up as close as Minnie and I had either. At one time they'd had a 'romance' but they'd been nine. The two had moved on long ago from that. Usually they just hung out when our families got together.

"I'm sorry I snapped at you in there," I said to Michelle once he was gone. "I just didn't want to talk about her, and she was getting to me with her staring. I am so glad she's in a different house. Ben told me that when he broke up with one of her girlfriends she just sat there staring all the time."

"Wasn't that the psycho girlfriend though?" Michelle asked as we headed down the alley. I wasn't even sure where we were going. "Cynthia isn't psycho. As much as you resent her right now, you know she isn't like that."

"I know," I said. "Still, from the way she was staring I think for the first few months at school she will. She was pestering Alyssa about me when we got there. If she tries to bug you ignore her."

"Well let's just forget about her right now," Michelle told me. "I haven't seen you for a while. What's been going on?"

It ended up being a good time in Diagon Alley with her, and part of me was upset when Minnie finally showed up. I tried not to show it since she was my best friend and I hadn't seen her a while either. I thought she was looking at me suspiciously and I wondered if she guessed my feelings as well. I sighed and figured I should probably tell her the truth later. She hated it as much as Andrew and Craig did when I didn't tell them the truth. She'd never tell anyone, I knew I could trust her. For the moment, I just enjoyed my time with my friends.


	4. Chapter 4

Ashley

"Mum, I want to hear more about what happened with Hailey," William said. "You've been promising to tell us for years, but you still haven't. You told Alyssa when she was younger than us."

I looked up from the notes I was making for work. I had some idea's how a charm could work, but I wasn't exactly sure. It was a late Monday afternoon. Ben was outside with the kids, but William had come back inside. Hayden and Alyssa were still at Hogwarts, but would be home in a few days for the summer.

"When Hayden and Alyssa come home, we'll all sit down and talk about it," I answered him.

It was true, I had put off telling the twins about my pregnancy. Alyssa had been nine when we'd finally sat down and talked to her with it. The twins had just turned ten recently. I didn't think it really bothered Cameron too much, but I knew William was getting frustrated. My reasoning was because I didn't want to tell the story two more times, so I wanted Hailey involved as well. I'd considered waiting until Hailey was nine and the twins were twelve, but I didn't think I could hold off any longer.

"Why do they need to be there for it?" William asked looking annoyed. "They already know."

"Because they might have more questions about it," I said. "I don't want to tell the story more than I need to. So I want everyone home when I explain it this time. I'm even going to involve Hailey in it this time."

"But Hailey is seven. Why does she get to hear it younger than we did?" William whined.

"Because William," I said and I pulled him closer to me now.

William didn't like when I showed him much affection anymore. He was getting to that age where he was too old and cool, but this time he seemed as if he needed it. He eagerly moved closer to me. I pulled him down on my lap. I tried to cuddle the twins as much I could because soon they'd be too old for it. Alyssa didn't often let me hug her anymore. Someday Hailey would be too.

"The story is really hard for your father and me to tell. I don't want to tell the full story any more than I have to. I know Hailey is a bit young, but she will understand. So this time when I talk about it, I want all five of you here for it," I answered. "It's not because I am trying to give Hailey more privileges than you."

"I would have understood when I was seven," William said. "You could have told us when you told Alyssa."

"Perhaps you're right," I answered. "This time though, everyone will hear okay? I'm sorry if you feel that I'm leaving you out. I'm really not. After Alyssa and Hayden have been home for a few days, we are going to talk about it. I honestly wasn't trying to keep anything from you or your brother."

William nodded. "Okay. I just really want to know. Trevor knows, but Aunt Tasha has told him not to tell us. Mum, Elliot knows too and he is seven like Hailey. No one will tell us."

"They're parents made them promise not to tell until I told you," I told him.

I was surprised to hear that Ellen had told Elliot already. I didn't mind, I'd told her that she if she wanted to talk about it, she could. However, she had left it to me to tell both Michelle and Clarissa about it. I doubted that the girls had said anything to him. I hugged him even more closely feeling guilty.

"Is there anything else you want to talk about?" I asked him.

"No," he answered and the slowly pulled away. "I just want to know more about Hailey. I can wait until they get home though. I wish I could go to Hogwarts next year."

"It's not that much longer," I told him. "Besides, we let you do magic as long as you don't hurt anyone with it."

"It's not as easy as it used to be," William answered. "Why not? It used to be easy to do it. Now I can't do it as much."

"I think it's just because you're getting older, William," I said. "I honestly don't know much about underage magic to answer that. Other than Hayden, you're the only other child I know who can control it."

It was true. William had more control of the wandless magic when he was younger, but he couldn't do it as well anymore. Once he hit the age of eight, it slowly started to disappear. I could tell at times he struggled to the point that it would make him tired, and we would have to tell him to stop.

I'd actually considered taking him to St. Mungos but Ben had put his foot down. He himself had checked William over, and he told me that there was nothing wrong with his magic. However, there had to be reason why it went away. Hayden's had disappeared, but he controlled magic so well with a wand, it didn't matter. I wondered with William, it was because his body was getting ready for when he could use a wand too. Would he be powerful with magic too?

"I don't want it to go away," he answered and then he sighed and pulled out of my arms. "I'm going to go back outside to play. Are you coming out soon? Dad wanted to know."

"I just want to finish this, and then I will be," I said and I nodded at my parchment.

"Okay," he answered and he rushed off.

I felt disappointed as I watched him go. I was glad that my children were growing up, but at the same time I was really going to miss having little ones around. Hailey was now seven, and time went by quickly so now. It wouldn't be long before we would be getting her ready for her first-year. Hayden would be out of school by then, Alyssa would be in her sixth year, and the twins the fourth year. It was hard to imagine, but soon I'd have a house full of teenagers. Right now it could be hard with Hayden, who was actually an easy teenager to raise. What would it be like with four of them, especially with twins? I had a feeling we wouldn't be so lucky with the other kids as we were with Hayden.

I missed both Alyssa and Hayden when they were at school. I was used to Hayden being gone now by this point, and it had been hard at first with Alyssa, but I was used to it too, but I still missed them. There would never be a time when they would all be living with us full time again. That day had ended when Hayden had gotten on the train. Soon enough, they wouldn't even all be home during the summers or the holidays.

I was happy to see that they all had their strengths and weaknesses. Hayden was good with magic, and he was also an artist. I thought he was even better than Rachel (who I still hated) when it came to his art. Alyssa was taking after me with Charms, but she had her fathers ambition when it came to homework. She only brought home good grades. William would be a powerful wizard even if he slacked off with his school work. Cameron excelled in his school work, and while he couldn't control his magic, he has shown impressive magic with his temper-tantrums. Hailey was the only one I wasn't too sure about.

She was fairly average with her school marks. She did learn quickly, but she never pulled the marks that Alyssa or Cameron did, and the ones that William likely could if he put effort in his school work. She was a very hard-working little girl. Her teachers only had good things to say about her, but I felt that she would be average like me with her school work. I did wonder about her magic. Ben didn't think it was anything to worry about, but the times she had temper-tantrums, it did tire her out with the bursts of magic she performed.

We'd taken her to Healers, and even Ben had checked her over. No one could find anything wrong with her magic, and we were told that underage children often did get tired from the magic they performed. However, when it came to her, it did concern me. It concerned Ben too though, so it wasn't me getting stressed out when no one else did. More than likely, we were both worrying over nothing since it happened with other children, including William, but we would always feel that way when it came to her.

Out of all my children, she was the one who whined the least, and she rarely got in a fight with the others. She most certainly did have her moments, but for the most part, she was very quiet, and she didn't cause much problems. Usually it was Alyssa and twins who fought the most, and when this happened, she would just observe them. At school, she had friends and most of the kids liked her, but she also kept to herself. When we had pool parties for her, she invited the least amount of kids. She mentioned to us that others wanted to come, but she wasn't going to invite people she didn't often play with.

While she was an easy child to raise compared to the others, I did worry our luck wouldn't last. We all had a soft spot when it came to her. I was sure she knew it, even if she never mentioned it. However, I did wonder if one day she'd take advantage of it. She was still little now, but she could see things differently when she was thirteen. Hayden had given us the most problems between the ages of thirteen to shortly before his fifteenth birthday, and his had been minor problems. Mum had told me the problems he gave us were ones that most teenagers gave their parents, and it was nothing compared to what she'd gone through with Jaime. Minnie had given Tasha and Barry more problems (and still did) than Hayden had.

I felt with the twins, we'd have problems with them but it was Alyssa I worried about the most. She had shown us attitude in the past, and she had gone behind our backs several times when it came to certain things. I would never forget getting the message from June that she had gone missing, only to get a message from Hayden informing us that she had gone to Hogwarts on her own. She had been seven back then. If she could pull that kind of stunt at that innocent age, what could she do when she was teenager?

She was also extremely beautiful, and she was naturally slim and tall. Every time I saw her on the holidays she had grown more. She was like Ben, she was shooting up very quickly. Before she'd started Hogwarts, she had been my height. At Easter, she had been a couple inches taller. I had to wonder how tall she'd be when she came home in a few days. I was terrified that she'd realize end up being a teen mum. All the boys were going to want her. I'd noticed last summer that they had already been eyeing her more than they used to. It had been the same way that Hayden had used to gaze at Cynthia before they'd gotten together. It was the same way the boys looked at Michelle.

"Mummy," Hailey yelled interrupting my thoughts. I looked up from my piece of parchment that I had been gazing at, but not working on anymore. "Come outside now. Come play with us."

I couldn't help but give in. I wasn't working anymore, and I could focus later when they all went to bed. I gazed at my youngest. She'd always been an adorable little girl, but I knew she was going to grow very beautiful, just as Alyssa had. In fact, the two looked quite similar except of course the hair colour. I thought Hailey was a blonde haired fair skinned version of Alyssa with some slight differences. However, I compared Alyssa's photos from when she was seven to Hailey's now, and there was a resemblance.

I stood up and then lifted her into my arms to cuddle her. There wasn't one day still that I wasn't grateful that I had her in my life. She was the age that she was still more than eager for the hugs and kisses she received. She wrapped her arms tightly around me and grinned at me.

"I love you mummy," she told me.

"I love you too sweetie," I said. And I hope you always will knowing what I put you through. I thought to myself.

"Alyssa, enough with the attitude, or you can go to your room. You've already heard this story anyway," Ben said.

Alyssa folded her arms tightly and frowned but she didn't say another. She just sat down on the couch and glared at the floor. Ever since she and Hayden had gotten home, Alyssa had been giving us even more attitude than usual. She was acting like a spoiled brat, and I wondered if it was because we'd given into her demands too much when she was a little girl. Hayden had never acted this way at twelve.

The day after she came home, she started telling us all her demands that summer. She told us that she was going to be in charge of the younger kids. When we'd told her we didn't think she was ready for it, she'd thrown a tantrum and ever since that day, she had been giving us major attitude about everything. It could be just as minor as what she wanted to eat.

"That skirt is a bit short and tight anyway, isn't it?" Hayden asked her as he sat down.

Alyssa glared at him.

"It's short and tight because I've grown," she answered him.

I couldn't help but side with her on that one. The skirt was short, but in all honestly, Ellen had worn tighter and shorter at that age. Also, it was true that she was in bad need of a new wardrobe. I was already planning a girls day for the two of us. Hayden of course was just being a protective older brother.

"We do need to get you new clothes," I said. "We will in a couple of weeks. For now, I'll just give you some of my clothes."

"Your clothes are small on me too," she answered but not with as much attitude. It was more that she was stating a fact.

I was sure she had grown again since Easter. She was about the same height as Michelle now. While I was about average height, (five foot four) Ellen was only five feet. It was kind of interesting how our oldest daughters had ended up taller than us. Clarissa actually took after Ellen more when it came to height. She was still quite small, and it almost looked funny to see she and Alyssa together. They could be different ages.

"Who cares," William said quickly as everyone sat down. "I want to finally hear this."

"Me too," Cameron said and he pulled Hailey into his arms.

I almost expected Alyssa to snap at them, but she didn't say a word. Generally when Ben scolded her though, it had better affect than when I did. She was still a big daddies girl, and I believed she didn't like it when her father told her off. With me, she listened, but often I'd either get attitude or she'd roll her eyes. The other day, she had stomped as loud as she could up to her room when I told her to get to bed. If Ben told her to go to bed, she went.

I remained standing, and I began with the attacks that had started that summer, to how our friends had betrayed us, to the fateful Halloween night when I went to Godric's Hallow. I kept my eye on Hailey more than the others as I told them this. I already knew how Alyssa and Hayden felt about this. I did of course worry that the twins, William more than Cameron, would be upset with me, but she worried me the most. She was only seven, and Ben and I both agreed she was old enough to understand. Would she be upset that I had nearly killed her? She didn't get sick as often, but when she did, she still got more sick than the others. Would she resent me for causing her that pain?

She had her head rested on Cameron's shoulder, he was hugging her tightly as he listened. She didn't take her eyes off me, but she was very unreadable. I glanced at the other kids, and I thought I saw a look of annoyance on Alyssa's face this time. She'd been very understandable when I'd told her a few years ago, but she was older now. Perhaps hearing it for a second time made her angry with me. She understood more now likely at twelve than at nine. Hayden just looked at me with pity, but he was sixteen and he'd never shown me anger when it came to that.

When I got to the part about how I thought I'd miscarried with her, I faltered a bit. This was always the hardest part for me when I told people. I hated telling the story. To my surprise, Hayden jumped in a bit to describe some of it. He never had before, and I was surprised at how well his memory was. After all, he had only been nine-years-old. He was able to describe certain events as if it had happened yesterday. Ben jumped in as well when Hayden paused.

By the end of it, all three of us were taking it in turns to tell the story. We each explained more to Hailey than the twins that it was the reason why she likely was more sickly than the others, and why she was also a little smaller. Ben actually didn't believe that she was smaller than the average seven-year-old, but I wasn't so sure. She was at least an inch or so smaller than some of her classmates. He added this part in quickly.

When we were finished, I glanced at each of the children again. Alyssa was still the only one who wore an annoyed look on her face, and I wished I knew what she was thinking. William and Cameron now wore the looks of pity that Hayden normally wore, and Hailey was still unreadable. However, after a pause, she struggled out of Cameron's arms and then rushed over to me.

"It's okay mummy," she said. "It's not your fault. Don't feel bad, and I am here now. I feel very good mummy."

Cameron was soon to follow.

"You didn't know you were pregnant with her," he stated and he hugged us both. "You wouldn't have gone if you'd known."

"I don't understand why you kept it a secret for so long mum," William said as he came over to hug me too. "We would have understood."

They went over to hug Ben as well. Hayden and Alyssa didn't move from their spots, they were watching the twins and Hailey. I saw Alyssa tighten her lips together, but she didn't say anything. I hated not knowing what she was thinking, especially given the attitude she was giving us.

"Are you okay?" Hayden asked me later when I was preparing dinner.

He reached over and grabbed a piece of the carrot that I was chomping up. Sometimes we had a house-elf named Mully come over during the week to help out, and sometimes we didn't. It was a Saturday evening, and generally she didn't come on the weekends. Ben had wanted to bring her for me, but I felt that preparing dinner would keep my mind off it all. It wasn't William, Cameron or Hailey I was worried about. It was Alyssa now.

"I know it's a hard story for you to tell," he continued. "Especially this time with Hailey there. I'm kind of surprised she was there," he added with raised eyebrows.

"I just didn't want to tell the story you kids again, and we feel seven is old enough," I told him. "I think she did understand."

"I think she did too, but you seem kind of stressed anyway," Hayden replied.

Hayden had always been concerned with my stress levels, but as he got older, he asked about it more. If he saw that I showed the slightest bit of worry, he'd ask about it. I was no where near the way I had been a few years ago, and I was sure he knew that. I believed he was worried that I'd end up that way again. He was only sixteen, but at times he could be parental with me. I actually felt guilty when it came to this. He wasn't supposed to worry about me that way. I was his mother, I was supposed to show concern for him, not the other way around.

"It's like you said," I told him with a smile, "I hate telling that story."

"I just think there is more to it than that," Hayden pressed. "I shouldn't have to remind you that you promised to always be honest with me."

"We don't keep things from you," I said but I could tell he wasn't going to let it go. "Look, I'm just worried about Alyssa. She was understanding the last time we talked to her about it. This time she looked annoyed while I told the story. I just worry that she's upset about it this time around."

Hayden gave a small shrug. "I doubt it's related. She's just been annoyed by a lot of things lately. She has said many times to me at least that she isn't upset with you. I don't know why she would change her mind. I think she's just being your typical twelve-year-old girl."

"I'd still like to know what is going on with her," I said. "She's just been angry ever since she came home. She hasn't said anything else to you?"

Normally I didn't like for the kids to spy on each other for me, but for this I felt I needed to. Hayden just shook his head.

"She hasn't said much to me. I haven't been home enough with work and Cynthia," he made a face when he said his girlfriends name and I couldn't help wonder why he would. His face used to light up whenever he mentioned her. "And of course my friends. Being a dishwasher at the Leaky Cauldron is harder than I thought it would be. I thought it would be easy. Michael and Ben made it seem as if it were a dream summer job, but it's demanding."

"You're not doing that the whole summer are you?" I asked him. "Don't get me wrong, I am glad you want to work. I just hope you'll relax a bit as well. I used to give myself the last two weeks of summer off. You just had a rough year with your OWLs. We still might go to Florida this year. NEWT level is very complicated too. Are you still planning to keep all your classes?"

Hayden had been saying for years that he wanted to be like me. He was going to keep any classes that he got an OWL in. I disagreed with this when I remembered how hard it had been for me, but I wasn't going to stop him either. I'd already told him my thoughts on it, but he was determined. So I wasn't going to say it again. It was up to him after all. I remembered how annoyed I'd felt when my friends had lectured me.

"I'm only working there for about six weeks or so," Hayden informed me. "And I don't know anymore. I really don't think I want to keep Arithmancy. I don't think I'll have much use for it, and I don't care for Astronomy or History of Magic. When I get my results I'll decide. I hope they come soon."

"They should be here before the end of the month. It typically takes a month," I answered. "So, I couldn't help but notice that you didn't look too happy when you mentioned Cynthia."

I finished chopping up the carrots and threw them in a pot of water. I turned the heat on before I turned to the chicken I wanted to prepare as well. Without me asking him to, Hayden began to prepare the rice I had set out. He knew how to cook. He'd wanted to learn after his first year, and I'd been more than happy to show him. I'd actually hoped to have the same summer with Alyssa, but I wasn't so sure anymore. I hoped we'd find out what was wrong with her soon.

"I'm not happy with her anymore," he answered. "She's getting worse with the jealousy issues. She got jealous when I picked up Mackenzie. Mackenzie who is twelve and my cousin! She's always been jealous of Minnie, and she is starting to show it with Michelle, but with a twelve-year-old?"

"Hayden, if you're not happy then you shouldn't be with her," I told him.

"But we've shagged," he muttered which obviously he knew that I knew

He'd come to me at Christmas for advice about it. I hadn't wanted to give that advice because my views had certainly changed since I was sixteen. I didn't think they should be having sex, and I'd even warned him that it changed everything. However, I also remember being sixteen. He'd have sex even if I said no. I'd rather he have the right information from me then do it anyway, and accidentally get her pregnant. I had tried without forbidding him to talk him out of it, but he'd been insistent. He was sure he was ready for it with her.

"Hayden, you can't stay with someone for that reason if you're unhappy with them," I answered.

"I know, but we've been together for so long, and it's not that easy just to break up with her," he told me.

"Believe me, I get it. I went through it with Denver when I wanted to be with Ben, but you have to put your own happiness ahead of that. If you two aren't happy together, you can't stay together just because you're scared to end a relationship. You're about to start the last two years at Hogwarts, and while the first five years are important, the last two are even more important. If the relationship is going to be distracting or stressful, you need to end it. You can't put a relationship ahead of your school work."

"I know," he said. "I'm going to try and talk to her again and if she keeps it up, I am going to have to end it."

"How often have you talked to her?" I asked him as I noticed the emphasis on the word: again.

"Several times since Easter," he answered. "It hasn't helped. Honestly, I think the shagging made her more clingy than before," he looked uncomfortable as he said the last bit. I was sure this part of the conversation was hard for him to tell his Godmother. It was hard for me to hear it. He wasn't a little boy anymore, but I still wasn't comfortable hearing about my Godson's sex life. I was sure that wouldn't change even when he was thirty-two like me.

I had to advise him though, and I agreed one hundred percent that it probably had made her more clingy. He'd taken the girls virginity, and she'd already been insecure in the relationship. I knew now that Jared had been in love with me when we were teens, and even into our twenties. If we had dated, I would have been insecure while we'd been together. The sex likely would have made it worse since he had been my first.

"More than likely Hayden. Cynthia was already insecure with you, and you know now about shagging and how personal and intimate it is. For her, you were the first for many things, and sex to a girl can be a big deal, especially the first time," I told him. "The next time you get a girlfriend, don't have sex to fix things. Make sure you're both ready and you're doing it for the right reasons," and then I shook my head. "She really got jealous over Mackenzie?"

"Yep," Hayden answered. "A bunch of were letting off some steam because exams were done. Alyssa and her friends like to annoy us sometimes when we're out in the grounds. Mackenzie put some of the lake water on me, so I picked her up and pretended to throw her in the lake. Cynthia was furious about it. I had to remind her that Mackenzie is well was a first-year and she was only twelve. She is also my cousin. She still ignored me for over a day."

"That's really unhealthy Hayden," I said quickly. "Definitely talk to her, and if things don't improve, just end it. I know it's your first relationship, and she is your first but like I said, you can't put a relationship before school. You turned down being a prefect so you wouldn't be distracted for your OWLs. You don't want that when you're a NEWT student."

He nodded and we continued to make dinner together, but in silence now. I really hoped he took everything I told him seriously. I honestly really liked Cynthia a lot. She was a very polite and sweet girl. She and I had even had a few girl talks over the years. I would miss her, but if she wasn't right for Hayden, then he was better off without her. I couldn't believed she'd actually gotten jealous of Mackenzie. She was a beautiful young girl, but still a child compared to Hayden.

"I'm surprised you're in right now," I told him after a while. "It's Satuday."

"Well I don't feel like hanging out with Cynthia tonight, and Minnie and Craig can be unbearable at times. I think Andrew is working, and I haven't really talked to the other blokes in a while," he said with a shrug. "I might see what Michelle is doing if she's around, but otherwise I don't have plans."

"She's at her friend Catalina's tonight," I informed him. "You should use the night to relax. You haven't done that since you got home. It's been a week. You don't want to burn yourself out. You have the rest of your life after Hogwarts to work hard."

Hayden nodded. "Maybe I'll spend time with Alyssa if she's up to it then. Maybe I can find out what is bothering her."

"Clarissa's tonight," I said with amusement.

It was very rare that Hayden didn't have plans. Ever since he'd started at Hogwarts, he always had someone who wanted to hang out with him. He'd remained friends with most of his group he'd talked to before, but he'd also made new friends with others as well. He was just a very likeable kid.

"I should have guessed," he laughed. "Well I guess that leaves the twins and Hailey. Maybe we can play that new board game that Jared invented. They seem crazy about it. Do they have plans tonight too?"

"Nope," I answered quickly. "I'm sure they'd enjoy a night with you. They do miss you when you're gone."

"Then I guess that's what I will do then," he answered and then he leaned over to kiss my cheek. "I'll go hang out with them until dinner is over."

This was a new thing with Hayden. He'd always been somewhat affectionate with hugs, but last summer he had started kissing my cheek, as well as the other women he was close to his life. I wasn't sure where he picked it from. I watched him go before I continued with dinner. My mind back on Alyssa. I did wish we could find out what was going on with her.

It wasn't until a week later that we truly found out what was bothering her. It started with a disastrous Friday night, but thankfully ended well on the Sunday. Hayden came home Friday afternoon extremely grouchy, which was rare for him these days. There were a couple years where he did show some anger, but usually we worked through it. The last couple of years, he usually had a smile on his face. He was generally a happy-go-lucky kid. My thoughts had been on Alyssa for the past couple of weeks, but I automatically alarmed when he slammed down his lunch bag on the counter.

"Hayden," Ben said with just as much surprise.

Mully was over that night since it was a Friday. The kids had left a bit of a mess in the kitchen, but usually I didn't get too upset with them over this. They usually tried their best to keep things cleaned, and they had been trying to clean it up when we got home from work. Mully was helping out when we arrived. We'd told them all to go up and clean themselves up since they'd been in Ellen's pool all day. Generally all of the kids went back and forth between our house and Ellen's. Sometimes they went over to Michael and Shelly's too. I was busy trying to help Mully with some of the workload, but I stopped the moment I saw Hayden.

"Sorry," he muttered and looked away.

"Don't be," I said. "What's wrong?"

"I had to dump Cynthia last night," he answered. "Minnie and I haven't spent any time together this summer. So we were talking about a night that she could maybe come over, and Cynthia flipped out. She did it right in the Leaky Cauldron, you know, where I work!" He started to get angry again. "So I dumped her and then I left. Of course there were witnesses, including some of my bosses. I wasn't working when it happened, but they said it could still reflect on how customers think of me. I think if it weren't for Hannah, they would have fired me. She stuck up for me, but she told me it was a warning not to let my personal life affect my work life again."

"I'm sorry to hear that Hayden," Ben said. "I always liked Cynthia. I didn't realize that she got jealous over Minnie. Is there a reason she did?"

I hadn't told Ben about my talk with Hayden from the week before. It wasn't that I was keeping things from him, but I felt that if Hayden had wanted him to know, he would have said something. When the kids confided in us, unless it was something extremely important, we didn't always mention it to each other. Usually the kids would tell the other anyway, and then we'd talk about it. This time I did feel a bit guilty since his relationship was important. With us though, we knew at times that the kids would eventually tell us, but sometimes they wanted to be the ones to do it. At times Alyssa just wanted Ben to know something, or just me, and when she was ready, she'd tell the other parent. We'd been in agreement about that for a while.

"I guess I never told you," Hayden said and he pushed a hand through his hair. Something he had been doing his whole life. "Cynthia has been getting jealous for a while with Minnie. She was starting to with Michelle and even Mackenzie. I was thinking of ending it anyways, but last night was it for me. I just couldn't take it anymore."

"Mackenzie?" Ben asked and he looked at Hayden and then me. "Did I hear that right?"

I nodded and quickly explained so Hayden wouldn't have to. I felt a little worried that Ben would be upset that I had kept the relationship problems from him, but all he did was nod.

"Sounds like you did the right thing then Hayden," he said. "It's too bad it did affect your work life. Hannah is usually more easy-going with that."

"Well it was more the managers than her. She told me she didn't believe it was a firing offence at all, but that with her employees, she did need them to be professional even when they weren't working," Hayden sighed. "I guess I can't blame her. Most people know now too. There were other people from school there, and of course they would have told their friends. I've been ignoring my message parchment, and I even had to turn off the vibrating part. People won't stop writing me about it. It was just a bad day."

"I'm sorry to hear it Hayden, but I think it's the right thing. From the sounds of it, she'd been giving you stress for a while. Did you talk to her at all since our talk last Saturday?" I asked.

"I've tried, but any time I'd bring it up she'd- well we didn't get the chance to talk," he said and his face reddened and somehow I had a bit of an idea of what she did, but I was going to press and by the look on Ben's face, I thought he knew too.

"I'm just going to go wash up," he told us. "I'll be fine in a few days. I'm actually relieved, I just hope it all blows over at work."

We watched him go before I turned to Ben.

"Maybe I should have told you about their relationship problems," I said to him. "We had a talk last Saturday about it when we were making dinner. He wasn't sure what to do about her. I told him he should break up with her. As much as I like her, I don't think she is the right girl for him."

"I just can't work out how she got jealous over Mackenzie, I mean she is twelve! Of all the times I felt jealous when we were teens, I never got jealous of the times you hung out with Timmy, and I feel this is the same," Ben said.

"It basically is," I said.

"Anyways Ashley, we always agreed that we'd let the kids come to us about their problems first unless it was major. I mean, his relationship problems are important but I don't care that you didn't bring it up," Ben told me. "Speaking of which, I have been trying to get through to Alyssa but she hasn't said anything to me. Has she to you?"

Alyssa was one of those topics that we felt we'd talk to each other no matter.

"No," I answered, "and I think she would tell you before me."

"We'll just have to keep trying," Ben told me. "I'm going to up and talk to Hayden some more. I feel he needs a man to man talk. Let me know when dinner is ready."

At dinner that night, Hayden seemed more cheered up. In fact, the dinner started out well enough. Even Alyssa seemed quite happy. She was talkative with Hailey, while the twins were telling Hayden about their day. Cameron apparently had a bad day because he and Elliot had gotten into a fight about something. He was describing it to him.

"Can't be as bad as Hayden's day," William said with a grin.

"What do you mean?" Hayden asked wearily.

"You and Cynthia broke up. Sorry, I wasn't listening in, but I heard you talking to dad about it. I didn't listen the whole time. I left. You can ask Cameron and Hailey if you don't believe me," he said but he was looking more at Ben and me than Hayden.

William liked to spy on private conversations. We had to take away all his extendable ears because he kept doing it to everyone, even if he went to someone elses house. We didn't like it at all of course, but he got to the point that we had to punish him for it. I blamed Jared for buying them the ears in the first place. It was something we'd never let them purchase on their own at the joke shop.

"He didn't listen in, we called him back into the room," Hailey answered quickly.

"You and Cynthia broke up?" Alyssa spoke up with surprise. "But you two loved each other."

"I don't want to talk about it Alyssa, not with any of you," he added as his eyes fell on William who looked ready to protest.

"You talked to dad about it, and likely mum," Alyssa stated now sounding accusatory. "I'd like to know what happened. Can we talk about it later at least?"

"I'm done talking about it, but I don't want to talk about it with you. It's grown up talk Alyssa," Hayden said now annoyed and he shot an even more annoyed look at William who looked down at his plate.

"But why not with me. Cynthia and I were friends last year," Alyssa said now pouting.

"Alyssa, he doesn't want to talk about it," I said.

"No of course not," she said angrily. "Of course he'll talk about it with you. You nearly kill your daughter, but he trusts you enough to talk more than he does with me. I would never do anything dumb enough to put my child at risk. I couldn't trust you after that."

Each person, including me gasped at the same time when she said that. My fears were confirmed at that moment. I'd been worried about it all week. Ben, Hayden and even Ellen had told me it likely wasn't, but I had been right. She had been annoyed prior to the conversation but it seemed it had gotten worse. She even said that she didn't trust me, and it made sense why she went to Ben or even Hayden more than me. It hurt too. I didn't want to show my hurt, but the fact that my daughter could say those things hurt me more than anything that had happened in a long time. It hurt even more than when I thought about Ben's indifference to me all those years ago.

"Alyssa!" Ben shouted once he recovered from his shock. "You don't say things like that to your mother. That was not her fault. How can you say something so cruel?"

"Oh like you're any better dad," Alyssa said. "You treated us all badly and then you took off for a long time. You did that all because you got stressed out from work. I remember how rude you were to mum, and even to me. I was four. Don't lecture me about being cruel."

"That's enough Alyssa!" Ben said.

"Both of you did stupid things when you were at Hogwarts. I know you drank and partied, you can't lecture me about stuff that I do," she continued but her voice was shaking. "I know you shagged different girls dad. I know that you snuck out of the Common Room after curfew. I know that you-"

"Alyssa, you are nothing but a spoiled little brat," Hayden said and he pushed his plate away. "I'm sorry, this spoiled little girl has ruined my appetite. Learn to appreciate what you have. This is why I don't want to talk to you."

And he got up quickly.

"Alyssa, how can you say that to mummy? Apologize right now!" Hailey said angrily.

It wasn't often that Hailey was angry, so it showed that she truly did understand enough. William and Cameron were glaring at her too. I couldn't speak up even though I know I should have. I was doing my best not to cry. Alyssa's eyes fell on me, and I thought saw guilt in her eyes but she looked down at her plate. Hayden stopped by my chair to squeeze my shoulder before he continued out of the room.

"Alyssa!" Cameron shouted. "Apologize to mum and dad!"

"Alyssa, you can spend the rest of the weekend in your room," Ben told her angrily. "Until you can talk to your mum and me with respect, I don't want to see you."

She looked ready to burst into tears, but she still didn't say another word.

"Dad, you should spank her," William spoke up. "What she said was really bad. I think she needs a long spanking!"

"William," I finally spoke up and it was because I knew he was trying to instigate things now. I knew he was angry with her as well for what she had said, but whenever we had to punish the other kids, he tried to instigate things. Either he would tell us to spank them or he would say something to try and make them angry enough to make the punishment worse. I didn't know if he enjoyed it when the others got spanked. None of them had actually been spanked in a while. All of them, except Hailey were too old for that now, and Hailey had never done anything to deserve a spanking. "Alyssa is too old for spankings. She can spend the weekend in her room."

"I don't think she is too old right now," William insisted. "Dad, spank her! Do it now!"

"William do you want to spend the weekend in your room too?" Ben asked angrily.

William opened his mouth to say something, but Cameron poked him and shook his head. We finished the rest of dinner in silence. Once we were all done, Alyssa stood up, likely to go to her room but Hailey jumped up quickly too.

"Alyssa, you're not leaving this room until you apologize to mummy and daddy!" She said angrily.

Alyssa ignored her and made to move from the room, but Hailey hurried over to stand in front of her. She glared up at her older sister defiantly. She was very small but it caused Alyssa to stop. She glanced at Ben and me. I could see the tears in her eyes.

"I'm sorry," she said and then she moved around Hailey and left the room quickly.

Hailey turned and ran to me. She climbed into my lap and hugged me tightly. I held her tightly back.

"I love you mummy," she told me. "Alyssa doesn't mean it. I can tell she doesn't. I don't blame you at all."

Cameron and William came over to hug me too, but they didn't say anything. They just left the room quietly. Ben got up from his chair to follow them. I had a feeling he was going up to talk to Alyssa some more. I just hoped he wasn't going to take William's advice and spank her. She deserved to be punished, but at twelve that was too old. All it would do was humiliate her and make her even more angry. I doubted he would anyway, he usually left that up to me when it came to her anyway.

"Do you want to help me clear the table?" I asked Hailey and she nodded eagerly.

"I'll help you mummy," she answered.

"Thank you," I said wanting to distract myself, and spending time with Hailey usually did that, and so did the household chores. Mully was gone by that point.

Ben came into the kitchen just as we were done washing up. Hailey was on a chair and washing the dishes and then she would hand them to me to dry. I could have cleaned it all up by magic, but I wanted all the kids to know how to wash and dry as well. She loved washing the dishes, so we usually let her if she wanted to. He walked over and gave her a hug and kiss.

"Why don't you go watch a movie sweetie. I want to talk to your mummy," he said.

"Okay," she said and she hugged him back. "I love you daddy."

"I love you too honey," he said.

She handed him the wash cloth and then jumped from the chair. She raced off into the living-room.

"I went up to talk to Alyssa," he said. "I couldn't get anything out of her, but I get the feeling that she didn't mean any of it. That doesn't mean what she said was okay at all. It just makes me feel better about it."

"She didn't mean it," I told him quickly. "I could see it in her eyes that she didn't. She was lashing out and she wanted to hurt us. I just wish I knew why. I think it's because she wants more responsibility, but I don't know for sure."

Ben nodded. "I think we'll eventually get a sincere apology from her once she cools down. We do need to find out what's wrong. We can't let her go back to Hogwarts without knowing. We might have to get one of the other kids to talk to her if she won't to us. Who would she confide to?"

"Well I think Hayden is out," I said. "Normally she tells him things. Maybe Michelle or Clarissa. I think she'd even talk to Charles, Richard or Mackenzie but I don't know if they'd tell us. Besides, I don't like spying or going behind her back like that. It will just make her distrust us more."

"I'm not saying to do it that way," Ben sighed and he began washing the dishes. "If she absolutely does not want us to know what is going on, we have to accept it. As much as we hate it, you do remember what it was like for us when we were that age. I just think she needs someone to talk to. As long as she has someone to confide to, and can work with her about her problems, I can live with that. We were that support when it came to Michael. Of course his problems were mainly his parents anyways, but friends can help. I just think we need to get one of them to sit with her and talk to her."

"I think it does have to be one of the kids. At times she does talk to Ellen or one the Andrew twins or even Brianne but I think this time, that won't work. They're adults and I don't think she wants an adult," I said.

Even all these years later with Sheila married to Denver and Shelly married to Michael, we still called them the Andrew twins. I think it was just one of those old habits.

Ben nodded and we finished up the rest of the dishes. "We'll talk to some of the kids maybe at the dinner party this Sunday," he finally said. "I told Alyssa that she is to stay in her room for the rest of the weekend, except for meals. She is not allowed any visitors, unless maybe we can find someone to talk to her, but otherwise none at all."

Once we were done washing up, he pulled me in his arms and hugged me tightly. "Do you want me to stay home tonight? I don't have to go out."

"No, go have your boys night," I said. "It's the first night that Jared can get out since Carter was born. I'm sure he's looking to get out for a bit, especially with how controlling Gabrielle is."

"I can't see that lasting," Ben muttered.

Jared had gotten a girl named Gabrielle pregnant. He stayed with her for his son, but no one believed he was happy with her. Of all the girls he dated, we hated her the most. Most of us felt that eventually he'd break up with her, but he would make sure he could stay in her life. I just wished he would meet a nice girl. He'd actually had an opportunity a couple of years ago. No one was sure why he hadn't stuck around with her.

"Neither do I. I'll be fine here. I'll have a movie night with Hailey, and then I want to finish working on some stuff for work anyways. It will distract me," I told him. "Besides, Hayden might want someone to talk to."

"I'm going to go up and get ready then," and he reached in his pocket and handed me his message parchment. "If Michael or anyone writes me, just tell them I am getting ready."

I took the parchment and then followed him out of the kitchen. In the living-room, I found Hailey curled up on the couch and watching Frozen. I let out a small sigh. I had hoped at one point that once Alyssa was older, we'd be done with that movie. However, now Hailey loved it. When I was a kid, I had watched certain movies over and over again but I felt that Frozen was my most watched movie. I didn't say a word, I just sat beside her. She moved to cuddle up next to me, and we watched the movie in silence.

I did worry that someday, Hailey would think about all this and become angry with me. I was sure Alyssa hadn't meant what she said, but at the same time, I did think that maybe she was angry with me. At nine, she had accepted it without question but she was old enough to ask questions now. The same could eventually happen with Hailey as well.

"I'm going out to go swimming," Hayden said as he walked into the living-room. "I don't want Alyssa out there with me."

Before I could tell him that she was being punished anyway, he continued out of the room. Ben appeared moments later to hug and kiss both of us good-bye, and then he too was gone. After Frozen, we watched another princess movie and then it was her bed time. She was almost asleep anyway. She woke up long enough to request for everyone to say good night to her, including Alyssa.

I didn't really want to see my oldest daughter until the next morning, but I went into her room anyway. She was sitting her window seat, and looking out the window.

"Go say good-night to Hailey," I said to her. "See you in the morning."

"Mum!" Alyssa called out but I moved on.

I was still feeling hurt by her, but I was also angry with her. I didn't want to talk to her at the moment. I never thought there would be a time when I'd turn my back on one of my kids. I did just that however. I headed downstairs and out to the kitchen to the patio. I was surprised to find Michelle in the pool with Hayden. The two of them were smiling at each other. I was sure she was very pleased at the moment. I knew she was still interested in him. I'd told her years ago to make a move when she could. I just hoped that she wasn't using this as her opportunity. I didn't think she should try and go for him when he was on the rebound, and I'd seen her work her magic with boys. It was almost scary the way she could get them to follow her around with just a look.

I let Hayden know that Hailey wanted to say good-night. The moment he went in, I figured I should say something to her. I could see by the look in her eyes that she was still very much in love with him. I could also see that she was disappointed to be interrupted. Hayden had stopped ignoring her years ago, but he'd been in love with Cynthia.

"You didn't interrupt us on purpose?" She asked with suspicious tone in her voice,

"No," I assured her quickly. "I didn't even know you were here. I know Hayden came out here to get away from Alyssa. It's Hailey's bedtime, and you know she likes to stay good-night to everyone if she can. I wouldn't do that unless I had something to be suspicious about. I didn't even interrupt Cynthia and Hayden when they were alone together."

"So you don't think anything could ever happen between us?" Michelle asked and her face fell.

I sighed. Michelle always took whatever I said when it came to him the wrong way. I couldn't really blame her, I'd over-analyzed things when I'd been interested in a boy as well. She really liked him, and so she was going to think too much into whatever I said, or anyone else said when it came to him. I'd once told her that Hayden had asked about her, and she had sat there for about twenty minutes trying to figure out exactly why he would. This had been shortly after he and Cynthia had gotten together.

"I never said that honey," I said to her kindly "As usual, you're thinking too much into what I'm saying when it comes to him. Right now it wouldn't be a good idea for you to try to get with him because he just broke up with his girlfriend. However, once I know he isn't on the rebound he will be interested in other girls, and yes I think you could be one of them. All I meant was if I knew you were out here, I wouldn't think you two were anything but friends because that's all you are right now. You know that too. So don't take offence when you don't need to."

Michelle nodded and then smiled at me.

"Can we talk more about this later?" She asked. "I did actually come over for a girls night if you're up to it, but then I saw Hayden."

I felt happy to hear this bit. Michelle often did come over for a girls night during the holidays. She would spend time with both Ben and me, but for the most part, she liked spending her time with me. I felt she enjoyed coming over as much as Minnie loved spending time at my parents place. We even considered the guest room her room. There was a few times when it had been her room. She'd actually spent a month at our place after her first-year. I had a feeling that it would continue to happen.

Ellen had taken offence to this at first, but I had to remind her of the summers she'd spent at my place. She'd almost forbid the month that Michelle had spent here. However, she'd changed her mind. Now as long as Michelle told her that she was coming here, she could come when she wanted and stay the night if she wanted. Ellen told me she was glad that she was glad we had a relationship. I knew at times she felt jealous, but she didn't stand in the way either.

I had a feeling that Alyssa would be doing the same eventually anyways. She spent so much time there during the holidays that she practically lived there anyway. I also knew Alyssa confided in her as well. It was the same with Hailey when it came to either Jared or Michael's. Often William preferred to go to Barry and Tasha's. Cameron didn't have a preference yet, but he had plenty of places to go to when he wanted. Everyone we knew were happy to take him. Timmy and June often took him, and asked him to look after their kids even when they were there. They loved all of our kids, but they usually asked for Cameron over all the kids.

I thought an evening with Michelle would be a good one, and I wondered if I'd even be able to bring up the problems with Alyssa as well. I didn't want to unload on a fourteen-year-old, but she'd likely be one of the few who could get through to my daughter.

As it turned out, I didn't even have to ask her. She volunteered herself to talk to her the next day. Feeling relieved by this, I cheered up. After we had a long talk about Alyssa, and then Hayden, I decided to move our party to the living-room where we could watch movies.

"I want to watch Disney movies like old times," Michelle told me with a smile. "I'll just go up and change into my pajamas."

"I will too," I said. "Please tell me isn't Frozen."

"Nope," she said with a smile. "And you should know which movies I want to watch by now."

"Princess Diaries?" I asked, which I could handle. I liked Anne Hathaway.

"Good guess," she said.

After we changed into pajamas, we sat head to foot on the couch to watch the movies. We didn't watch them every time she came over (and it had actually been probably two years) but a lot of the time when she slept over, she requested them. I remembered at times when I was a teen, I'd wanted to relive my childhood years. I had a feeling that Michelle wanted that for tonight, especially after our serious talk. I would grant that for her if she wanted it.

The next day, Michelle managed to get through to Alyssa. I was surprised when they came down into the living-room hand in hand. My eyes fell on my oldest daughter, and I could see the fear in her eyes as she gazed at me. I had to wonder what it was that she was about to confess to us. She told me that she wanted to apologize first and she hadn't meant any of it, but she looked so scared. Why would she look at us, especially me, with so much fear? She looked ready to cry. Not even when she was little, and I'd told her that she had to be spanked had she looked at me that way.

However, as she ran into my arms with tears in her eyes, I knew right away that she hadn't done anything wrong. At least nothing that would make her look at me that way. The reason she was scared was because she either thought we hated her, or we were just very angry from the night before. She hadn't sat on my lap for two years. Now she seemed to be a little girl again, and even though she was a lot bigger than she used to be, I pulled her into my arms.

I remembered the night before when I'd ignored her cry for me. I felt guilty as I thought about it. I should have talked to her when she had called me. That could be the very reason for why she was so afraid at that moment. I glanced at Ben who looked at her with worry too, he rested a hand on her right shoulder. Michelle quietly sat down in one of the chairs.

Through her tears, she kept apologizing to me and then confessed about why she was so upset. She confirmed my thoughts that she wanted more responsibility, and as I listened to her, I realized she was right. Of course when she'd told us that she wanted to baby-sit that summer, she hadn't asked us. She had demanded we let her. However, we should already let her look after her siblings. Hayden had started before his first-year. She also had a point that the other kids did look after their siblings, and they had been in more trouble than she had.

Ben glanced at me guiltily. He was feeling the same I had. We trusted her with the younger kids. I knew she could baby-sit. She had a few times in the past, and she'd even been my helper or other people's helpers. She was a very responsible young lady. Other than her recent attitude, and the normal attitude that twelve-year-old's usually gave, she actually hadn't done anything to make us think otherwise. She was acting out because she wanted to be treated her age, and actually didn't treat her that way.

"I just don't get why you don't trust me," Alyssa finished off tearfully.

Ben and I glanced at each other and then at her.

"We do trust you," Ben told her.

"This is just our mistake of not wanting you to grow up," I told her with a sigh. "You were out of line, and you are still grounded for the weekend, but you are right. You are old enough to be responsible for the twins and Hailey. So, starting Monday, they will be your responsibility. We will pay you to look after them. But- and there is a big but- when everyone comes over during the day, I do want Michelle helping you. It doesn't mean that you're not in charge of them. It just means that with all the extra kids over, we want an extra eye on everyone. That also means that you need to look out for the younger ones too. You know that Shelly gets protective of Elaina and Mikayla. She doesn't let them play unless there are a lot of eyes on them."

"I look out for everyone anyways," Alyssa answered. "I just wanted to be in charge of my own brothers and sister. Hayden was in charge of everyone before his first-year. I just hated not to be trusted when everyone else is."

"It wasn't about trust honey," Ben said. "Other than last night, and the attitude you've been giving us since you got home, you haven't done anything to make us feel otherwise. It's just parents having a hard time letting their kids go. You are twelve now, and yes we should be letting you do more. Just as we had with Hayden. We both apologize for that."

I had one more thing to address to her before we sent her back to her room for the weekend. That morning, Ben had been hung-over, and he'd told the kids not to drink so they could avoid it. I saw her smirk down at her plate, and I knew right then and there that she'd already drank. That worried me. Just what had she been up to in school. I knew the kids were going to drink, but not at eleven or twelve. Hayden had respected our wishes by waiting. I'd hope for the same with her.

After I asked her, I saw her glance at Michelle with worry. That told me that Michelle knew about the drinking, and I felt annoyed but I couldn't get angry with her. When I was her age, I wouldn't have said anything either, and plenty of parents had trusted me with their kids when I was a teen. I'd known when Timmy had drank, or even when Dwayne had. There were times when I was even younger and I'd covered for my sister. Michelle was just being Alyssa's friend, and she couldn't betray her that way. So I pushed my annoyance with my Goddaughter away.

To my relief however, it turned out that she had only drank the one time. I could see it in her eyes that she was telling the truth. I also believed her when she told me that she didn't want it to happen for a second time. Someday perhaps I would tell her about Jared, or Ben could. I hadn't actually seen him drunk in the first-year, but I knew about it.

When Alyssa left the room, Michelle glanced at us worriedly. I didn't understand why.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't tell you about the drinking," she said. "She's my friend."

"And we're the parents," Ben said with a nod. "It's okay, Michelle. I'm not that concerned about that. I'm not condoning drinking, but I know you kids will do it. I had this talk with Hayden years ago, and we had this talk with Alyssa last summer. I can tell that she means it that she won't touch it again."

"Just how hung-over was she?" Was my question.

"She was throwing up all morning, and she had a bad headache. I secretly made her a hang-over potion," Michelle answered. "I don't understand why my own sister wasn't. She drank a lot more than Alyssa did. She was fine the next day. She had a slight headache, but that was it."

Ben and I glanced at each other. I could have been wrong, but given the look that Ben gave me, I didn't think I was. If Clarissa wasn't hung-over from that time, it likely wasn't her first time drinking. She was such a tiny little girl and so young. There was no way that a small twelve-year-old girl could drink a lot for the first time and not be sick the next day.

"What's that look about?" Michelle asked catching our exchange.

"Are you sure she was as drunk as you think?" Ben asked her.

"Yes. Alyssa was buzzed, but Clarissa was drunk. She went to bed earlier than all the first-years who drank that night," Michelle answered.

"Well then either she somehow got her hands on a hang-over potion, or that wasn't her first time," I said. "A tiny little girl such as Clarissa can't get drunk for the first time and not get hung-over. You might want to find that out from her. Maybe we're completely wrong, but I've never known anyone to drink that much for the first time without feeling sick the next day."

"Well, maybe not," Ben said. "You drank quite a bit that one night. You know which night I am talking about, and you weren't hung-over the next day."

"I threw up quite a bit that night though. Besides, that wasn't my first time drinking, and I did feel gross the next day. I was also fifteen," I reminded him.

"You always drank in moderation, and that was your first drunk night," Ben said but then he looked at Michelle. "I don't want to worry you, but I do think you sit and talk to Clarissa. Even if that was her first time, she is a small girl. She's the size your mother was in her first-year. She shouldn't drink too much at her age because she could get alcohol poisoning."

"Maybe we could even talk with her," I said to Ben and he nodded.

"If I can't get through to her, maybe I'll send her over," Michelle said. "I doubt she'll listen to mum and dad. They have actually given us that talk, but it won't hurt to have someone else talk to her. She did get in a lot of trouble last year. Alyssa was a saint compared to my sister."

"I wish we could wave our wands and have them be little girls again," Ben said to me later on that day. "My biggest fear is when Alyssa gets a boyfriend. She's about to start the second year after all."

"They won't do too much now," I said, "and I'll keep having the talk with her."

"My parents had the talk with me all the time. We had the talk with Hayden too," Ben said. "I still remember how young boys think."

"Hayden will be smarter about it the next time he gets in a relationship," I told him. "We talked about that last Saturday. He knows now it was a mistake to have sex with Cynthia."

"We talked about that too, but boys don't always think with their heads. Remember Jared?" Ben reminded me. "I do worry he might take that attitude now. His mate Andrew does."

"What do you mean?" I asked with surprise. I had a hard time imagining that little Andrew (who wasn't so little anymore) would have that kind of attitude with girls.

"He has the whole Jared attitude. He doesn't want a commitment yet," Ben said. "Hayden told me that last night. He told me doesn't want that, but you never know. I'm a parent after all. I just don't want him to end up a teen father anymore than we want Alyssa to be a teen mum."

"Let's not worry about that until we have to though," I said. "For now, I think we should take their word for it. We told Alyssa that we trust her, and we've telling Hayden that for years. We should give them the benefit of the doubt after all."

Ben nodded. "You're right. Well, we should start getting things ready for the dinner party tomorrow."

"I just want to go up and talk to Alyssa a little more," I told him. "But yes, we should get started on that."

After that, things went well, or as well as they should have. The house was full of teenage kids again, and I loved it. I didn't realize years ago that I would love having teenage children over until Hayden hit that age. Of course I loved the little children, but it was fun with the older kids. At times I felt that it was because I missed my Hogwarts years, and the teens we hung out with back then too. We'd lost touch with a lot of the younger people since they had their own lives now. The only ones from my sister group I was still in touch with were Alana, June of course and Madison. The others had moved on. At times they would write but that was it.

Now our kids were taking it over.

One evening, a few weeks after the incident with Alyssa. She came out onto the patio where Ben and I were relaxing. All the children except her were gone that weekend. Hayden was out with his friends, Hailey was at a girl friends, William was with Trevor for the weekend, and Cameron was at my sisters to hang out with Graysen. Alyssa could have gone over to a friends as well, but she had opted to stay home. We were planning on having a party that night, and while it was okay for her to there for it, I was surprised she wanted to stay. No one her age would be around, and we would eventually send her inside because we wanted to drink.

However, we'd told her she still had the option to go to someone's place if she really wanted to. At the moment, she looked as if she were on a mission. She had a piece of parchment in her hands. She sat down at the patio table with us.

"I know you have your party tonight, but I wanted a grown up talk before you have it please," she told us. "Do you have time?"

"People probably won't be here for an hour or so," I told her. "And you're still welcome to go to Clarissa's after our talk. I just don't want you bored honey. It's summer. You're supposed to be enjoying yourself."

"I get the telly to myself," Alyssa said. "I haven't had that chance since I came home. Don't get me wrong, I love Hogwarts and the magic, but I missed the telly. I have been home for almost a month, and I haven't had the chance once to watch it by myself. I always have to watch kid shows or boy shows or something you two want to watch. Tonight, I get to watch whatever I want."

"Fair enough," Ben said and he grinned at her. "Is it going to be a Frozen night?"

Alyssa made a face at that. She now seemed embarrassed by her Frozen obsession, but I didn't actually think she truly was. I'd seen her watch it with Hailey a few times. She just felt too old now to enjoy it. I was glad about this, and I couldn't wait for the day for Hailey to feel the same way.

"No," she said quickly. "Can we talk though? I have some serious questions. Some things about your years at Hogwarts, about your break down daddy, more stuff about Godric's Hollow and a few other things too. You don't have to answer everything."

"Well, we'll try and answer some things for you honey, but can we save Godric's Hollow for another night?" I asked her quickly. "I am willing to talk to you more about that, but not before we're about to have a party."

"That's okay," she said. "We'll start with Hogwarts for today."

She was very quick to dismiss it, and I knew she was still feeling very guilty. There were times when Ben went away a couple nights during the week. He still worked at the Ministry as a Healer, but at times they didn't need him there, so he had signed up to be sent somewhere else that might need him. Now that it wasn't an everyday thing, and the kids were older, Ben was able to handles nights and the hours a lot better than before.

There were a few mornings when I woke up only to find Alyssa in the bed with me. She hadn't come to sleep in our room since she was a little girl, and she'd had a nightmare. Not too many twelve-year-old girls would choose to sleep in their mothers beds, so I knew she was feeling awful. I knew she wanted to be close to me for that reason.

I'd woken her up that morning when I got up to get ready for work. Usually I let her sleep.

"Alyssa honey, if you want to sleep in here when your father isn't home, you're more than welcome to. You don't have to sneak in here after I've gone to sleep," I'd said.

"Okay," she'd muttered before she'd dozed back off.

Ben pulled the piece of parchment from her to look over this list, and then he grinned at her.

"Honey, by the time we get through all of these, it will be morning," he told her with amusement. "We can answer what we can, but everyone should be here soon."

"Well, we have all summer," she answered and then she glanced at me. "So, why did you shag Jared in a broom closet mum?"

I couldn't believe that was the first question that she would ask, and how casual she could ask it. It wasn't that I was upset by it, it was just shocking to hear my twelve-year-old daughter ask a question like that. I could tell by the look on Ben's face that he was shocked as well. Likely he hated to hear her say the word 'shag' more than I did. I knew she was getting to that age, and I thought soon we should have more of a serious talk about that later as well. We'd touch it on briefly of course, but I knew boys likely were interested, and I had a feeling that Alyssa had already had something with a boy.

"I don't know if that's something that should be answered quite yet," Ben said uncomfortably and he shifted in his chair. "That one should wait until you're little older."

I could see the annoyance on Alyssa's face, and I disagreed completely. I knew Ben just didn't want his little girl to know anything about sex, but she already knew enough. We had, and I knew girls her age talked about it.

"No, I think it's okay," I answered. "I don't want her to make the same mistakes I did."

"Why do you think I'm too young for this dad?" Alyssa asked. "I know the facts of life. I'm not Hailey's age anymore. Even the twins understand about sex. We've grown up with the telly, and our friends know enough. You can't shelter us-"

"I'm just going to go check on the pool while you two have this chat then," Ben said and he stood up and walked off without looking back.

"It's not your age," I told Alyssa as we watched him go. "No father wants to hear their daughter mention shagging so casually like that. You'll be our age, and he still won't want to hear it. You'll get the same from Hayden to likely."

"Believe me, I have," Alyssa said and she rolled her eyes. "But we're not talking about me shagging, which by the way you have nothing to worry about-"

"I should hope not," I muttered.

"I want to know about you and Jared. I heard things, and I don't like hearing about that. Not only because it should just be you and daddy, but because I know that was your first time. I thought the first time was supposed to be special. Why would you do that for the first time with Jared in a broom closet?" She demanded.

"I can understand why that would bother you," I answered.

And I truly could. I did want her to believe that her first time should be special. What was she supposed to think when her mother lost her virginity to someone in a broom closet. She knew that Denver was my only other boyfriend. She knew that Jared and I were close, but that we had never dated. Having sex for the first time in a broom closet was truly meaningless.

"Was it just a drunk thing?" Alyssa asked. "Or is it just because you two are close? Was it a friends with benefits thing?"

"It was actually a combination of the two," I told her, "but it was more than that. Denver was my only boyfriend, and we'd broken up in the second year. I hadn't been able to get with anyone else after that. I was fifteen and feeling lonely. All my friends were always in relationships, and they had all had more experience than me. For me, I felt that at fifteen almost sixteen, I should have lost my virginity by that point. I was very wrong by the way. Anyway, I was complaining to Jared about it the one night, and it was the first time that I was actually drunk. Before that, I'd just been buzzed, but Michael had gotten to me that night, and so I'd had to much to drink. So when Jared offered, I took him up on his offer."

"So he took advantage of your insecurity then," Alyssa asked with annoyance.

"He actually felt really guilty after that. He was worried that he had, and I assured him that he hadn't. The next day we talked about it, and then after that it became a friends with benefits thing. However, your father told me I should stop, and that I should see if Denver was still interested in me. He was, so we started to date again," I explained. "I actually later found out that Jared was in love with me, and that he was actually taking from me what he could. He was in love with me for years. I guess when I went back to Denver, I broke his heart."

"He is still in love with you," Alyssa told me.

"No he isn't. Why does everyone keep saying that? He's been over me for years," I said.

Now even my daughter was saying it. Jared had no interest in me anymore. He realized once Ben and me got married it would never happen. He couldn't still be in love with me twenty years later.

"Nope," Alyssa said and she shook her head. "You don't see the way he looks at you. It's why I've wondered about it. It's probably why he's never married anyone. He keeps turning down all those nice women. I don't think he will say with that Gabrielle girl, even if they have a son. I don't understand dad though. I thought he was in love with you since his second year. Why would he tell you to go back to Denver?"

"Because he didn't think he had a chance with me, and he knew I still wanted Denver. He wanted me to be happy," I answered deciding not to argue with her about Jared, but I was impressed with how observant she was. "It was actually because of Ellen that I realized how I felt about your father. There was a time when we didn't know who he wanted. He made it such a mystery, and Ellen insisted that I was the mystery girl. After that, I started to think about it more, and I realized it was your dad that I had always loved, but I hadn't realized it."

"And then you dumped Denver for dad?" She asked. "I heard about that."

"Not exactly. I was going to break up with him, but he actually broke up with me first. It was mutual. Not even a week later, I saw your father kissing another girl. I was heartbroken, but Ellen made me tell him how I felt. She wasn't going to let me get depressed over it. It was actually the day after my sixteenth birthday."

"And you two have been together ever since?" Alyssa asked.

"Yes," I answered. "But Alyssa, I hope you never feel the way that I did when you're fifteen. I should have realized back then that I was still quite young, and I shouldn't have felt the need to shag the first guy who offered. In my opinion, I should have waited until I was older. I know kids have sex that age obviously, but I hope you never feel pressured."

"What about Hayden?" Alyssa asked. "You gave him advice about it."

"I'd have preferred if he waited until he was older," I told her. "He asked me for advice, and I'd rather give him the advice then for him to go behind my back and do it anyway. He would have with or without my advice. It's better for him to have the right information instead. I wouldn't want him to get Cynthia pregnant."

Alyssa nodded and then she seemed to hesitate. "And what if I decided I wanted sex? Would you give me the same information?"

"You're not thinking of it are you?" I asked uncomfortably.

"No. You don't need to worry about that. I don't want that until I am older and with a boy I love. I just want to know I can ask you without you freaking out," and then she glanced at Ben who was skimming the pool the muggle way. He could have used his wand but I knew he was trying to distract himself from our conversation. "I don't want you to react like dad just did."

"Well I didn't with Hayden," I said. "I'd rather you wait until you're out of Hogwarts, but if you love a boy when you're older, we'll talk. I just hope you don't get confused Alyssa. I thought I loved Denver when I was thirteen. Ellen told me when she was your age that she was considering shagging Hank. That shocked me even then. She told me she said it for shock value, but later she admitted that it had been on her mind."

"Sex isn't on my mind," Alyssa told me. "And I won't want it when I am thirteen. I love Ellen, but I don't want to be seventeen with a baby."

"Can you admit something to me though?" I asked her and continued before she could answer. "You've had something with at least a boy haven't you? I just get that feeling, and I swear I heard you saying something to your friends about snogging. I wasn't listening in on purpose. Your voices do carry at times though."

"I've snogged boys," Alyssa admitted. "But it's nothing. Hayden found out not too long ago and yelled at me. I've had the talk from Michelle and Hayden actually. Snogging means nothing, and I'll never have casual sex. It's why I needed to know about you and Jared. I want my first time to be special, and I just couldn't believe you'd give it away in a broom closet. I can't believe you would think you had to do that when you were only fifteen."

"I was insecure and fifteen is a vulnerable age. I'd take it back if I could," I said. "I know you're not always going to come to me about things, but I hope you will with the important things like that. I definitely don't want to see any of you in Ellen's position either."

"I won't be, and I don't think that will change when I am older. I don't want kids until I am at least in my mid-twenties," Alyssa told me.

"So what else is on your list that you want to know?" I asked.

"Well you answered the questions about you and Denver, and then how you and dad got together," she told me. "It was Hayden who told me that you got with dad after Denver. He said he didn't want to date right now because he didn't want a girl to be a rebound girl. I didn't know that before. He said you two are a rare exception to last when it's a rebound."

"Well your dad wasn't exactly a rebound. We were in love for years, but he's right. I think he is right not to date," I answered. "And not everyone meets the one at Hogwarts either. It's not often that people are like Ellen or me who stay with the same person they met as teens."

"But why were you and Denver so off and on then? Hayden said you two were off and on for years," Alyssa said.

"We only dated twice. We got together in our second year, and then a girl broke us up. I think we only got back together in fourth year because we felt we had unresolved feelings," I told her.

"How did a girl break you two up?" Alyssa asked as Ben joined the table again. He looked relieved to know that the sex talk was over.

"She tried to make it look as if I were cheating on him with various boys. She was very good with taking pictures, and if I was sitting beside a boy in the common room, she'd take a picture of us together," I explained.

"She was trying to break my relationship up at the time too," Ben interjected. "She figured she was hitting two birds with one stone by taking a picture of your mum and me together. We don't talk to her much anymore, and neither does Denver, but I dated a girl named Claire who was Denver's best friend at the time."

"Why would she do that though?" Alyssa asked. "I never knew about all that."

"Honestly, that's something that happened so long ago I don't think about it anymore," I said and I glanced at Ben. "It's funny how something back then could seem to be the end of the world, and now I've basically forgotten it."

"Yeah I know. Some of the stresses you have at Hogwarts will seem like nothing later on," Ben told Alyssa. "Anyways, this girl was my ex-girlfriend. She was obsessed with me and she was controlling. I had to ask her permission just to hang out with my friends. She was very jealous of your mum. She could see even then that I wanted her, and so she did what she could to hurt both of us. She went through Denver to do it. Denver was kind of jealous when it came to your mum, and he believed it."

Alyssa made a face of disgust. "Gosh, I know some girls who are like that."

People were starting to arrive by that point. Ellen and Keith were crossing our year hand in hand. A few other people were apparating in the backyard with loud pops.

"Does that answer most of the Hogwarts questions?" Ben asked her. "We can talk more about this later."

"There's only a few left, but it's okay. We can do this later," Alyssa said with a shrug. She rolled up her piece of parchment and stuck it in her pocket.

"Oh my gosh, is that Alyssa?"

A plain looking woman whom we hadn't really talked to in years stared at Alyssa in shock. We were still friends with her, but she didn't come over often. She had even lived with us for a couple months. She was married to a man whom Ben really didn't like, even though he had saved my life during the battle. He of course had his reasons to hate Don Zent, but we were both grateful to him for saving me. He just didn't like him to come over much. Maisie and Don had their own family now. While we stayed in contact, they hadn't been over since Alyssa was probably five or so.

"Yes, that's Alyssa," I told Maisie with a smile. "She's just finished her first-year at Hogwarts."

"You have grown into such a beautiful young woman," Maisie said as she took a seat at the table.

Ben excused himself to begin getting drinks ready. I think he was happy that Don hadn't come with her. He likely had stayed at home with the kids. He never protested when Don came, but he didn't like much either. Don and Maisie knew this. I was surprised Maisie had accepted the invitation this time.

"I don't know if you remember me or not, but I lived here for a little bit when you were a little girl," Maisie said.

Alyssa nodded. "I remember you. I liked when you baby-sat. You always let me eat all the chocolate I wanted."

"Which always made you throw up later," I reminded her.

"I actually felt bad about that," Maisie said with a small smile. "I didn't know much about kids back then, and it was easy just to give you and the twins some candy. Hayden was always easy though. Where are the boys? And the little one? Hailey?"

"They're all at friends," I told her. "Alyssa wanted to stay home tonight."

"I never get the telly to myself," she explained. "I'm going to visit for a little bit, but then I'm going to go in and watch it."

It put me in mind of when Hayden had been her age. He'd come out to sit out with the adult parties for a little bit before he'd go in. She usually did as well, but I always just saw her as a little girl before. Now I was slowly seeing her as I had seen Hayden. It even reminded me of when I wanted to be part of the adult conversations at that age. I was too old to play, but too young to be part of their conversations. We always sat with the adults anyway. Ellen and me enjoyed sitting with her mother and her friends just to pick up on some womanly tips.

"You're welcome to go over to our place to if you'd like," Ellen told her. "The girls are around. The kids were all swimming when we came over."

"Yes maybe," Alyssa said with a shrug but she didn't look as if she wanted to do this, which was a surprise.

I was surprised to see Tasha and Barry crossing the yard next since William was over there. I guessed that Minnie was watching the kids or something. Ben appeared with trays of drinks and looked at them with surprise too.

"Is Minnie baby-sitting tonight?" He asked.

"The kids are at mum and dads," Barry told him and he took a drink from one of the trays. "Minnie is actually staying at your mums," he said as he looked at me. "She's been there for over a week now. We aren't her favourite people right now."

"Why?" I asked with surprise and I wondered why mum hadn't told me. We'd just talked on the parchment that morning.

"We told her that we didn't mind when she hung out with Craig, but we preferred he came over to our place. We know his parents aren't home all the time. If they need to hang out, we'd rather them go to a public place or hang out where there is adult supervision. She got angry and told us that we were treating her like a child. She wrote to your mum, and asked if she could stay there," Tasha told me. "Your mum knows the rules. It's odd that she'll listen to your mum over us. Craig has been over there, and they haven't gone anywhere unless Hayden or Andrew pick them up."

I wondered why Hayden hadn't mentioned that either. I guess it actually wasn't that important, but he usually told me everything. Minnie loved it at my parents however. She'd been going over there since she was a little girl. My parents usually took any of the kids, but Minnie went over there the most over the summers.

"She'll listen to your parents more than she'll listen to us," Barry said with a shrug and they pulled up some chairs. "I'd rather her be there than any where else."

"So how is your summer going Alyssa?" Tasha asked. "I'm surprised you're at home," and she looked to us, likely wondering if she was being punished or something. They did of course know about her attitude earlier in the summer. I'd gone to many people for help, and then had explained to them what it had been about. I really didn't have experience with teenage daughters, but my friends did.

"I didn't feel like going home, I'll actually get the house to myself for a bit," she answered. "Summer is going well enough. It feels like it's going fast. I wish we were going to Florida this year though," and she shot a rare annoyed looked at Ben.

Because he often went to other sites for his job, we weren't able to get two weeks off to go that year. We usually went every summer, and I knew the kids had been looking forward to it. They were all disappointed that we weren't. I knew Ben was too. He wouldn't be able to get his holidays until later in the year, likely when the kids were back in school. So if went, chances are the kids would be back at Hogwarts and Primary school. So it would be the two of us again, like it had been five years ago.

"We'll still be able to go for Christmas," Ben told her. "Believe me, I am not happy about it either."

"I know," she answered. "I think I'll go in an watch the telly now."

She got up, and headed in the house. More and more people were showing up by that point. Ben watched her go looking a little put out. He hated when his little girl was angry with him. I didn't think she was that angry, and she would get over it eventually. Sometimes our friends used it anyway, so I figured perhaps we could send the kids with them if they went any time soon, and if they didn't mind. Ben had told me that I could go without him, but I wanted to take my vacation when he took his. I rather we spent our vacations together.

Our guest list was a lot smaller than it used to be, but the yard and patio was still full of people. Even though they were in our neighbourhood, we didn't really see Denver and Sheila as much as we would have liked. They now had two little ones at home. Most of our friends had children. So our get togethers weren't as often as they used to be. It was nice when we could get people over.

After a while, I found myself talking to Jared. I thought about my talk with Alyssa earlier and I had to ask him. We'd known each other for twenty years now. Of course we'd had a bad start, but from what I knew, he had also fallen in love with me in the second year. Had he spent the last nineteen or so years feeling that way? Was that the real reason why he still didn't have a wife yet? He had a child, but we all knew he would never marry Gabrielle.

We walked around the garden trails talking. Jared was telling me about some of his latest games. He didn't have a real job anymore. He just invented games, and he was raking in the money from that. He was leading a good life.

"Jared," I spoke up. "I'm sorry to ask, but are you still in love with me?"

We stopped by a little pond that had some benches around it. There were many times when Hayden and Cynthia would sit here and talk. I had a feeling someday that we would see Alyssa with a boyfriend over here too.

"Why?" He asked. "Seems like a random thing to ask."

I quickly explained what Alyssa had told me, and then I brought up the fact that people had been bringing it up for years. Jared sat down on a bench and I sat down next to him. He didn't answer. He just stared into the pond.

"I love you, but not romantically," he finally answered. "At Hogwarts, and even before that I did. However, once you got with Ben, I realized that I still felt the same way about you. I had some hope when you got back with Denver. When you two broke up, I considered taking that chance, but then you and Ben got together. That love hasn't changed, and the thing is, it wouldn't have worked out between us. Even if you and Ben hadn't happened, you and me couldn't have worked out together. I took that potion you told me about, but even without it, I knew that we would have been off and on. And yet, knowing all of that, I still love you. So it's not a romantic feeling that I have for you."

"That's good to know," I said. "From the way people made it sound, all the way down to my twelve-year-old daughter, you were still love-sick and that's why you're not married."

"I'm not married because I haven't found a woman that I want to spend the rest of my life," and he reached over to pinch my cheek, "and for the record, I want you to always be my friend, but I don't think we could spend the rest of our lives together."

"It's not me, it's you," I joked, "my heart hurts right now Jared. You just friend-zoned me."

Jared laughed. "You and I both know it's the truth. If we'd dated in Hogwarts, and if I'd married you, we'd be a divorced couple right now."

"Married and divorced on and off," I replied. "So do you just have high standards or what? Well, I mean I know you have high standards, but I just don't get it. Women are going to have their flaws Jared. You're not going to marry some perfect woman. Ben certainly isn't perfect, and he definitely has his flaws. And most people still seem to think we're a perfect couple, but we're not. We have definitely had our differences, especially two years ago. People like Ellen, or even Sheila for that matter idolize our relationship."

"Considering you've talked to me about your problems, I know that," Jared said. "And I've never thought you two were a perfect couple, even back at Hogwarts I knew that. Anyway, no Ashley, I'm not looking for a perfect woman without flaws. I've met plenty I connect with, but you and both know marriage is a big deal. You and Ben were just lucky enough to find each other at Hogwarts. Maybe even Ellen and Keith are too, but at times I think they're together for the kids. They don't fight a lot, but something seems off about them. I can't just marry someone because we get along. If that were the case, I could have married at twenty just as the rest of you did."

"And just how long are you going to carry things with Gabrielle then. I know she is a bitch, but you can't stay with her for Carter either," I told him. "And you know single fatherhood is probably going to make things harder."

"A woman who understands my relationship with Hailey and the fact that I have a son will be the one," Jared told me. "She'll also understand my love for you is completely platonic. You're lucky you found that with Ben. That's been the problem with a lot of girlfriends. They either get upset because of Hailey, or because I am close to you. They also get jealous of my past. If it doesn't happen, I am fine with that. I'm not going to pull a Michael. I have a son of my own now, and a god daughter. I'm quite content with my life. I also have a lot of friends."

"Are you being honest with me, or are you just saying that so I won't worry?" I asked him.

"I am being completely honest with you," Jared replied. "I'm always honest with you. Look at happened with Nathan. He felt that he needed to get married, and now he's divorced. It's not often wizards get divorced. Look at what happened with your little friend Tracy. I don't want to go through any of that. I'll take my life the way it is right now over getting married only to get divorced a year later. Remember in second year when you told me that girls just wanted me to change me?"

I nodded remembering that conversation so many years ago. He'd always had a long line up of girls, and most hadn't liked him for him, but because they wanted to be the one who changed him. They wanted to be the ones that he finally fell for hard. It had bothered so many girls that it had been me of all people in Hogwarts that he'd fallen in love with. In fact, I'd never had much relationship experience, and yet I was the one who got Ben and Jared, the boys that every girl wanted. I knew it was the reason why some had betrayed me so many years later. After all, I was the plain ugly girl and they were the beautiful ones with boys lined up to date them. I never got male attention, and yet I'd won the affection of the two most desirable boys.

"Yes I remember that," I answered. "You were the Hogwarts heart breaker back in the day. Now apparently it's Hayden's little friend Andrew."

"Well that hasn't changed," Jared said ignoring the last bit about Andrew. "The girls still want to be the ones to change me. They need to accept me as I come. Like I said, the girl who accepts all of that will be the one who gets a ring on her finger. Also, it's kind of well known now that I have money. I don't want a gold digger either, and unfortunately Gabrielle is one. It's how she got pregnant in the first place."

"What do you mean?" I asked wondering if he was implying what it sounded like.

"She purposely stopped taking the potion, and poked holes in the condoms," he answered. "She admitted it late in the pregnancy, and now she hold Carter over my head when I threaten to leave her."

"But that's illegal," I answered quickly. "Seriously, that can be considered as sexual assault Jared. Talk to Tara about. Hell, I am sure I could even ask Hermione about it too. You can't just let her take advantage like that. Jared, why didn't you say something before?"

"I didn't think it would change anything," Jared said. "I'm a bloke. The bloke always get screwed when it comes to these things. I can leave her, and I'll be paying child support, and she'll get full custody."

"Jared, this can be proven if it needs to be. They can use veritaserum and they can even look into people's memories," I said. "You can't just let it go that far. You need to fight for your rights. She can get into big trouble for this if it's proven. Maybe it's you that could even end up with custody. I mean, she doesn't work, so how can she support a baby on her own? I'm talking to Tara and Hermione with or without your permission."

"You can do what you want," Jared told me, "but don't expect anything to happen. Things don't often work out in the blokes favour. I don't think they can just drug her with veritaserum without reasonable cause."

"That's why you need to fight for full custody for him. They have to look at the entire situation if you do," I told him. "The woman doesn't always win. I know a lot of the time it does work in a woman's favour, but I think you could actually have something here, especially since you said yourself that she drinks a lot too. It's not a good environment for Carter, or even you. The only reason you stay with her is to make sure he is okay, and so that you don't lose him. She's not a fit mother Jared, and you know it."

Jared sighed. "We'll make arrangements on Monday," he told me. "But like I said, don't expect things to work out, or even to happen quickly."

"I knew I never liked her," I said angrily. "I've only heard of girls doing that, but I'd never met one that actually did."

"To be honest, it might sound like I'm having an ego trip, but I'm surprised it didn't happen sooner," Jared told me. "So many girls wanted me. I could even see Leanne pulling that one."

"No you're right," I told him feeling furious. "What is it with people? There were girls who wanted to drug Ben with love potions, and now this. It makes me worry about my kids. What if some girl gets so obsessed with Hayden that she does that? What if someone drugs Alyssa with a love potion? Cynthia is apparently so obsessed with Hayden right now that she won't stop sending him messages. She even confronted Alyssa when they went to Diagon Alley. I always liked the girl, but from what Hayden told me, she could be that type."

"What's going on that you two are sitting all the way out here?"

I looked up to see Ben standing across the pond from us. Ben, bless him, could still have his moments. Two years ago when we were in Florida, he had even admitted that he hated it when it seemed that I talked to Jared more than him. He'd pointed out that a husband and wife should be closer to each other than other people. He was right of course.

I knew at the moment he wasn't suspicious about us being alone together. He trusted me, and he understood that we had a close relationship. He just hated it if it seemed as I were confessing more to Jared. It wasn't just that, however. While Ben wasn't suspicious and he trusted me, other people did wonder about our relationship. It had been so many years ago, but people did remember that we had a sexual relationship. He hated the gossip, and there were plenty of people who did talk about us being alone together. Ben didn't want people talking about us that way. So at parties, it did bother him when we went off alone together.

"Is it okay to tell him?" I asked Jared who gave a small shrug.

So I gave Ben a brief explanation. Automatically his annoyed expression turned into a serious one. He quickly sat down, and began giving Jared some advice. I hoped he would listen. As the two talked, I couldn't help but think back to our Hogwarts year, and think about my own children. What kind of lengths would people go to get with them? They were all very attractive, and people knew they came from money. Would Hayden, William and Cameron end up with gold diggers? Would Alyssa and Hailey end up with boys who were obsessed with them because of their beauty?


	5. Chapter 5

MIchelle

My life consisted of baby-sitting, doing homework and going out with the girls that summer. I tried not to show too much enthusiasm about Hayden's break up around the others. Very few people knew about it because I didn't want the information getting to him. I shared the same house as his ex-girlfriend, and girls did gossip. At times my group hung out with his group too, and most girls did get along with Cynthia. So I knew someone would tell her or him.

At Hogwarts when someone started to date someone or when there was a break up, it was always a big source of gossip. So that was the latest talk among my girlfriends that summer. I tried not to show jealousy when some brought up how cute he was.

"I wonder when he'll want to date again," Julie-Ann said. "He's so handsome."

Julie-Ann would go after any available guy, and I could see her trying to get with him when the right amount of time went by. I always tried to change the subject when the girls would bring him up. I just hoped that there would be another break-up to take their minds off of him and Cynthia.

"It wouldn't hurt to say something now you know," Catalina said to me. "Once they know you like him, he'll be off limits."

"But we've been getting closer this summer," I said. "I don't want to scare him off."

"Well all I am saying is that you should be careful," Catalina said. "Someone else might claim to have a crush on him, and everyone will be angry if you go for him. You know how catty some of these girls are. They won't always look out for you like I do. I don't want to see you get hurt again."

"I should have expected it with him and Cynthia," I said. "I should have figured it out when we went to Niagara Falls that one summer."

That had been a hard time for me. Hayden had invited Charles and me to hang out with his group. The adults let the teens go off on their own, and we were allowed to go with them. I was grateful about that. I hadn't wanted to be stuck with Clarissa all day. She had been getting on my nerves so much that summer. I also wanted to be treated more grown up instead of one the kids who had to have an adult look out for them.

Hayden had invited a bunch of his friends and Cynthia had been one of them. The entire time she had hung off of him. I tried to get close to him as much as I could, but he had just saw me as a kid sister and not an equal. Looking back, I could understand why since I was eleven and he was fourteen. Cynthia was the same age and so beautiful, so of course he only had eyes on her. It had still hurt either way. During my first year, he had talked to me to help me out, and I always felt excited about it. Then they got together and I'd felt so heart broken over it.

"All I can say is be careful. You are lucky enough that you live beside him. You two can spend more time together, but I know what Julie-Ann can me like too," Catalina told me. "I just hope it works out for you."

I did do my best to see him when I could, but unfortunately with his work hours, it wasn't as easy as I expected. Either I was baby-sitting when he was free, or he was with one of his friends or I was. He didn't have a very predictable job schedule and it could change every week. Luckily enough we managed to finally meet up at Diagon Alley. Our parents decided to let us all go at the same time, and we could hang out down there. The younger kids went one way, and went the other.

"I'm think I am going to give in my notice today," Hayden told us as we looked through books. "Ashley and Ben think I should take a break this summer, and now after that run in with Cynthia I think more than ever I want to quit. I don't want her hanging out there hoping to catch me. I have a feeling she has been and I've been lucky enough until today to avoid her."

"You should," Minnie said. "Then we can see you more. You've probably made more than enough money this summer."

"I've barely seen you and we live next door," I agreed.

"Well we'll all be able to hang out soon enough," Hayden said. "Do you think your mum will let Clarissa baby-sit for the last few weeks? If she does, you can hang out with us too Michelle. You can invite Catalina if you want. I want some freedom before we have to start NEWTs."

"You should enjoy some of your summer," Minnie told me. "Next summer they're going to pile on the homework. It will be the summer before OWL year and they are relentless. I wouldn't take fifth year again if you paid me. It was so stressful last year."

"And yet she'll keep every class that she got NEWTs in," Hayden told me with amusement. "You know she tried to get a timeturner so she could do every class? Ben talked her out of it."

"I just wanted a challenge," Minnie said with a shrug. "It's good to keep our options open. Look at what happened with Uncle Ben. It's good he took the classes he did because he decided being a Healer wasn't for him."

"He's still a Healer," I pointed out. "He just doesn't work at St. Mungos anymore."

"He's still thinking of a career change," Hayden said. "So how about it? Do you think you can the last few weeks off too? We can start planning my party."

"It shouldn't be a problem," I answered. "I'd have to talk to mum, but I'm sure she won't mind. Clarissa won't mind either. At first she didn't want it but ever since Alyssa has been in charge, she has wanted it. Maybe next year I'll let her take over if she does a good job this year. Maybe that's what I'll tell mum. This can be her probationary year. It might make her smarten up a bit."

I was still worried about my sister. She'd admitted that she had drank a lot more than she'd let on last year. She told me that sex was the last thing on her mind, but some of her attitude reminded me of what they'd said mum's had been. I didn't want her to fail in school or end up a teen mother. How was it possible that the two us had turned out so differently?

"I think Clarissa is just acting out," Minnie said. "I think she wants more attention or something. I don't think you have to worry. Look at Alyssa. She was acting out because she wanted people to take her seriously."

"Clarissa is worse than Alyssa," I said. "Even Alyssa is worried about her. She was the one who told me to have a talk with her. You're right though, maybe she wants responsibility or something. I'll talk to mum later tonight about letting her baby-sit. I was her age when I started, so it shouldn't be a big deal and Alyssa will be there. Mum will probably be spending more time at home soon anyway. It's almost the end of summer so things slow down for her."

"So how long are you staying at Darla's and Terry's?" Hayden asked Minnie.

"Most of the summer," she answered. "I'll go home for the last two weeks or so. They were just getting on my case too much about Craig. I'm not allowed to go to his place at their place either, but they don't hover either. He comes over and we actually get some peace and quiet there. We don't have the younger kids bothering us or dad peeking in every second. They're not in the middle of no where and so we can actually go for walks around the town. I like being there more then at home sometimes."

"You've always liked being there," Hayden said. "You go there more than the kids do. I think you've seen them more than Alyssa has this summer."

Minnie just gave a shrug. "They are easier to live with and they're fun."

I'd always found that funny too. I liked my godmother's parents as well, but out of all of us kids, Minnie spent the most time there. Alyssa had probably only gone over there for a couple of weekends so far that summer. But then again, Ashley's and Ben's was usually my escape. If I couldn't stand being at home for long, I'd go over there. I supposed we all needed an escape at times.

"So which weekend are you having the party?" Minnie asked Hayden. "The usual one?"

"Second last weekend before school starts like usual," Hayden answered. "It makes everything easier because everyone expects it. It will be on the 24th this year. I'll have to remember to write to everyone this year," and then he turned to me. "You can invite the girls if you want. Tell Charles to invite his mates as well. The more the merrier. I'll have to make sure Cynthia's friends don't come."

"Isn't that half the year?" Minnie asked. "Everyone likes Cynthia."

"You know what I mean," Hayden said. "I don't want her best friends there. I am not meaning anyone who has ever associated with her, just girls like Diane and Wanda. I don't want anyone there who is going to be vocal. You know how opinionated Diane can be. I don't want someone who will ruin my party. There will be enough people who will be gossiping about it."

"I'm sure they'd be thrilled to go," I said thinking I'd leave certain girls out. If they asked why I didn't invite them, I'd say that Hayden had said I could only invite a few people. I didn't want to see Julie-Ann all over him, and I knew she'd try. I'd have to tell Charles to be selective too just to make my story was believable.

"Let's just hope she doesn't gate crash," Minnie said. "I wouldn't put it past her. I've heard she's been hanging out at the Leaky Cauldron hoping to catch you at work. I could see her showing up anyway."

"Well she'll be leaving if she does," Hayden said but he looked worried.

"Should be a good night," I said. "It will be nice to be at a pool party at night without adults. I love your yard when it's all lit up at night, especially by the fountain."

"Me too," Minnie said. "I love the garden paths. They're yard is so romantic. I've had some great nights with Craig back there."

"I don't want to know," Hayden said making a face causing Minnie to roll her eyes. I giggled.

I just hoped it wouldn't lead to a conversation about nights with Cynthia. I doubted it would considering how annoyed he was with her, but it still worried me. So I quickly changed the subject to their NEWT subjects. School was a boring topic, but it was always a distracting one too. I think Hayden looked relieved. I was glad to see that Minnie was still a sister to him.

Mum seemed hesitant when I went to her about letting Clarissa be in charge for the last bit of summer. Luckily my godmother stepped in. Fortunately when I went to talk to her, she was sitting with Ashley and having butterbeers. They usually saw each other almost everyday. I hoped Catalina and me would still be as good of friends as they were when we were in our thirties.

"I don't know if she's ready yet," mum said.

"She's the same age that I was," I pointed out to her. "I'd just like a few weeks to have a break."

"I don't know. It's just I don't know if she can handle Mickey. You know how hyperactive he can be," mum said. "I don't like the idea of her being on her own."

"Oh come on Ellen," Ashley spoke up. "I was that age when I started baby-sitting, so were you and so was Michelle. What is the worse that can happen? If Alyssa can handle the twins, I am sure Clarissa can handle Mickey. Remember we used to take the last two weeks of every summer off. Let her have a break before she has to get back into all that. She's starting fourth year. You know that they start preparing you for fifth year."

"I don't know..." Mum said slowly.

"Please mum," I begged. "Next summer I might try and get a job in Diagon Alley or something anyway. I'll be fifteen by then and Clarissa can baby-sit then. Besides, you're going to be home more now so it will probably only be half the day."

"That is true," Mum said and she glanced at Ashley who nodded. "I do like your idea that it could be a probation period. Okay. If Clarissa does a good job for the last two weeks, you'll be off the hook next summer, unless you do want to baby-sit again. I understand that you want to relax a bit, and she has had most of the summer to do that."

"Oh thank you!" I said excitedly as I hugged her and then I turned to hug Ashley too. "Thank you too. I'll talk to Clarissa later about it. Maybe she'll stop acting out if she is responsible."

"I hope so," mum said and she looked at Ashley. "I feel like she is the exact same as I was. I don't want her to make the same mistakes I did with OWLs. I want her to get good marks and last year she slacked off. I was hoping Alyssa would be a good influence on her but she gets stubborn like I did when Ben tried to help."

"I don't think she will be," Ashley said with a shrug. "I think she's just trying to rebel at the moment. She probably just feels pressured and she likely does want more responsibility."

"Pressured to do what?" Ellen asked.

"You keep comparing her to Michelle. You know how annoying that can be," Ashley said. "I hated it when mum did that with me when it came to Jaime. You hated it when your mum did it to you. Clarissa isn't Michelle or even you. I've seen the look she gives you when you tell her to be more like her sister. I'm willing to bet that is what it is."

I wondered if Ashley was right about that. Usually she did have some kind of insight. I left them to their conversation to go find my little sister. I was really hoping that she wasn't hanging out with Alyssa or Mackenzie or any of her friends. I'd barely seen her that summer because she had many friends besides Alyssa. She was always sleeping over at someones house, and a few times I thought she actually came home hungover.

When I entered her room though, it was to find her sitting on her bed and working on school work. She had her message parchment out as well. Periodically she would check it before she turned back to her school work. She had a very messy room. It was the opposite from my room. I couldn't understand how she could stand the clutter.

"Here to lecture me some more?" She asked when I sat down on her bed.

"What makes you think that?" I asked.

"Any time you've come to see me this summer it's to lecture me," she said. "You haven't wanted to hang out otherwise."

"Do you want to hang out?" I asked with surprise. Maybe that was part of her problem. In the past I wouldn't have wanted that, but now that she was almost thirteen, I didn't actually mind it. There had been a good two or three years when I'd wanted her to leave me alone. I wanted the closeness that we'd had when we were little girls back. It was my own fault. When I was about ten I'd pushed her away.

"It would be nice," she said. "Any time I want to, you always accuse me of following you. God forbid if I accidentally wear something similar to you. Apparently that means I am copying you when I am not. We do have the same tastes in clothes you know."

"I'm sorry," I said sincerely. I really hadn't meant to make her feel that way.

I remember how excited I had been when Hayden had let me hang out with them. It wasn't just because I liked him but because he let be involved with the older kids. Clarissa felt the same way I did, and so did Alyssa. I knew he didn't want them at his party, but I wondered if I could convince him to anyway. All they wanted was to be seen as older and not one of the kids.

"So why are you here if it's not to lecture me," Clarissa asked and she set down her quill.

"I want the last few weeks of summer off," I told her. "So I talked to mum and she is going to let you baby-sit for the last few weeks."

I almost wondered if she'd be annoyed by this. She actually hated it when we made decisions without running them through her first. I hadn't thought about that until this moment. I was still treating her like a little girl by doing that.

"Really?" She asked excitedly.

"Yes," I said. "So you do want to baby-sit? I just realized I should have talked to you first. It's just I really wanted to talk to mum about it. I really want a break."

"I don't care about that. I'm just happy. Alyssa and I can baby-sit together! At first I didn't want to baby-sit but then I saw Alyssa being in control and I want that too. I just know mum was letting you do it for as long as you wanted," Clarissa said excitedly.

"There are some conditions," I told her. "Mum is basically letting this be a probation period," and Clarissa rolled her eyes. "So you have to make sure to do a good job, and that doesn't mean you can boss them around."

"When have I ever?" She asked. "When you were at school and I wasn't, I was always good to them. Remember when you started your first-year?" I nodded. "You told me that I was the big sister now, so I had to take care of them. I've always taken care of them."

"Well if you do a good job then she'll let you be in charge next summer too," I told her.

"Good," she said and she smiled at me gratefully. "Thanks Michelle. I know you're doing this because you want a break but I still appreciate it. I know you're talking to me now to help me."

"And we can hang out more now too," I said. "I didn't realize you felt like that."

"You've been telling me to go away for years," Clarissa stated. "I always miss you when you're at school. The summer before your first year you were so mean to me, and then all we did was fight. I barely saw you. Then you came home and then you stayed over at Ashley's for a month. I only saw you when you baby-sat and you ignored me. Any time you baby-sit you ignore me."

"Well we'll have some girls nights," I said. "I didn't mean to make you feel bad. It's just I felt more grown up then you, and I didn't want my little sister tagging along. You just started to seem like a kid to me when I was ten or so. You don't seem that way anymore though."

"I will be thirteen in December," Clarissa reminded me. "I'm really not that much younger then you. I'm going to be a teenager soon."

"I know," I said. "We'll have some girls nights before we go to school."

Clarissa beamed at me, and for the first time in probably four years, I felt excited about hanging out with her again. I remembered a time when we had been inseparable and I truly did miss that. I knew that sisters fought and we would have our differences but I hoped we could be closer.

"Hayden, you don't have to say yes," I began, "because I know how much you really don't want to baby-sit at your party, but I was wondering if it would be too big of a deal to let Alyssa and Clarissa be at your party. Maybe even Mackenzie and Richard."

"Why do you want them there?" Hayden asked looking up from a piece of parchment he was writing on. He did look a little annoyed.

I'd found him out on his back patio alone. I didn't know where the rest of the family was. It was a bit of surprise not to find them outside. The Hoofer family basically lived outdoors in the summer. So did our family really. It was also a Friday afternoon. Generally the adults had some of their friends over, but Hayden seemed to be the only one around.

I sat down with him and I quickly explained my reasoning to him. I told him about how happy I'd been to be involved with the teens, and how I noticed somewhat of an attitude change with the girls when we let them do more grown up things.

"I just worry about them trying to sneak alcohol," Hayden said. "We'll be drinking. I don't want them drinking and swimming. It's my party and the last thing I want to do is watch them. I want to enjoy it. It's my coming of age party."

"I'll talk to them about that," I said quickly. "I can't really see Alyssa doing that. Clarissa might be a problem, but I doubt Mackenzie or Richard will do that. I'll even keep an eye on them so you don't have to."

"It seems to mean a lot to you if you're willing to watch out for them," he said. "It's supposed to be a fun night for you too. It's why I invited you."

"Because I remember what it was like when the older kids ignored you," I said. "And they're slowly becoming the older kids. Look how good Alyssa has been for the rest of the summer. Clarissa has had a confidence boost too. You don't how thrilled I was that summer we went to Niagara Falls because you let us be involved too. For once we were the big kids instead of the little kids who had to have an adult there. I'll talk to them, and if they misbehave then I'll tell them they have to leave."

"Fine, but if even one of them try to do anything stupid, they're all gone," Hayden told me. "But I do want you to enjoy yourself too. So I will talk to Alyssa and you talk to Clarissa. I think you're right that she's the one we have to worry about. I don't like the idea of you being baby-sitter."

"I think they'll behave," I said. "They'll be grateful to be at your party. Don't worry, I'll enjoy myself."

I was pleased to see that he was more worried about my happiness then anything. Even if he didn't like me back, it showed that he saw me as a friend. A friend would want someone to enjoy themselves.

"I don't think I told you, but mum did say it's okay for me to take the rest of the summer off. So right now I am off for the rest of the summer."

"Last night was my last shift," he told me. "So I am free too. I'm hoping to convince Alyssa to take the kids to your place anyway. Then I can enjoy this pool on my own."

"If not, I'll just convince Clarissa to come here and we can swim in my pool. It might be better because of the baby pool. Our parents will probably feel better that way," I said as I nodded at the smaller pool.

Ben had decided to install a smaller pool because of all the smaller children around. It made things a lot easier for everyone. We still had to watch out for the smaller children, but they weren't likely to drown in that one since it was just knee deep on the little ones.

"That's actually not a bad idea," Hayden said. "I'll talk to Ashley and Ben about that tonight. They probably will be more comfortable with that. When that pool was installed, the rule was that we could swim but only in that pool."

I nodded and then looked around the yard again. "Where is everyone? Usually the yard is full on Friday's."

"Ashley's parents," Hayden said. "I didn't want to go. I like going there, but it gets crowded in that little house. I don't know how she managed to have New Years parties there every year. I feel cluster phobic when it's just the family. I figured I'd enjoy some alone time. The twins were pestering Alyssa, so they were fighting. It's likely interesting she baby-sits. I can see them getting on her case."

"Actually they listen," I said. "William didn't want to at first, but during the day they're good. They only do it when Ben and Ashley come home. It's strange. They didn't even bother her when I baby-sat."

"Well they certainly did when I baby-sat but they'd also been a lot younger. I also had a talk with William too about being a bully, even to his sister. He told me he does it because he gets bored, so I told him that it wasn't right to do that and soon people wouldn't want to be around him. I don't know if he'll take me seriously or not, but I plan to try and spend time with each twin separately before we go back to school. I think they're jealous of the time that Alyssa and me have spent together, and of course Hailey too. I don't spend enough time with them. So on certain days I am going to take them out," Hayden told me.

"I am doing the same for Clarissa. We had a girls night already. I'd forgotten how much I missed her. She's not a kid anymore to me," I said. "I remember how much she used to annoy me but I think things will be different now."

"Well you two don't have that big of an age difference," he said. "but I am glad you're getting along again. I remember when all you two did was fight. You weren't as bad this summer as you were the last few. Sometimes it could be hard being around the two of you. It was one of the reasons I let you hang out with us."

I smiled at him teasingly. "I knew it wasn't because you wanted to hang out with me. I knew there had to be an alternative motive."

"Ah I didn't mind your company either," he said. "You stopped being a brat a long time ago."

"Hey you said I was never a brat," I said and he winked.

"I was trying to be nice. You were probably the brattiest of all the kids," he said.

"Could be why you hated me then," I joked.

I was enjoying the friendly banter between us. I almost felt like we were flirting with each other. He looked uneasy when I said that and I hoped I didn't go too far.

"I never hated you," he said. "I didn't really have a problem with you. I just saw you as a kid, so I didn't want to hang out with you. Like I said, things changed when you went to Hogwarts. Even that summer before when you hung out with us for Ashley birthday I noticed a change."

"I was only kidding," I told him to take that worried look off his face.

"Well I did ignore you for a time, and I don't want you thinking I hated you. I didn't, I just saw you as a kid and so I didn't really want to hang out. I feel bad because I heard that you wanted to hang out with me the summer before my first-year and I ignored you the entire summer. I should have spent time with you and the other kids," he told me.

I hoped no one had told him the reason why I'd wanted to hang out with him. I doubted they had but I did have to wonder who had told him. Not too many people knew about my sadness back then. Had Ashley told him that?

"It's all in the past Hayden," I told him. "There is no point in regretting it. We're friends now. So who are you writing to?"

"No one. I was working on party plans. Why don't you help me? You know the latest music after all," he said.

So we spent the evening working on his party. I had never thought that I would end up helping him out. It was his coming of age party. It was one of the most important parties he would have, and he was letting me, a fourteen-year-old help him out. It really meant a lot to me. I figured he would want Craig, Andrew or Minnie helping him.

As the days led up to his party, I prepared myself for it. I went to the muggle shop in Diagon Alley to pick out a pretty dress for that night, and I also bought a new bathing suit. Hayden had seen everyone that I owned so I wanted a new one for that night. I'd earned so much money that summer that I could afford it. I ended up finding a cute red one. I'd heard that red was a colour that attracted boys, so I hoped he would notice it. It was a modest one too. I hated some of the bathing suits some girls wore. Catalina liked to wear thong ones and I thought that was too much.

I also made sure to talk to my sister a lot. She promised they would behave at his party, and I hoped she would keep it. I believed they were grateful to be allowed to stay for the night party. It was starting around noon, but around six, the younger kids had to go back inside and the party would be for anyone twelve and older.

The twins had made a big stink when they'd realized that Alyssa was going and they weren't. William ended up grounded to his room because he had used magic against her. I hadn't seen it, but Hayden had told me all about it. Before that, he had thrown it in her face that she had been a bitch at the beginning of the summer. All of that had earned him a grounding. I had to wonder what was going on with that little boy. Was he wanting the same independence that the girls had wanted?

"Why are you doing your make up? It's a pool party," Clarissa said when she stepped into my room. "You look good, but why are you putting in so much effort?"

"It's waterproof," I told her. "And I like to look good for parties."

"You bought that dress and bathing suit just for this party," she said with amusement. "You still like him don't you?"

"Of course not," I said quickly.

"Yes you do, and you're hoping he'll notice you," Clarissa said. "I don't know why you feel you have to lie. I'm not going to tell him, but I think he does like you back. He stares at you a lot."

"He doesn't see me that way," I said. "But you're right. I just don't want too many people knowing."

"He's a fool if he doesn't. You're ten times more beautiful than Cynthia," Clarissa said.

"Thanks, you're sweet but I am fourteen and he's seventeen," I said.

"So?" Clarissa asked.

"So he'll want someone his own age," I said. "I'm ready now, let's get going."

Once we got there, I was actually looking forward to the night party. The yard was full. There were many kids running around and so many of the adults as well. Their deck was huge, but with the amount of people there, it was actually crowded. Hayden was also cornered by the adults, so it was hard to get close to him. All of them had known him since he was a baby and they wanted to celebrate with him. I wondered if my party would be this big. I imagined it would be even bigger. It would be all of these people but also all the people on dad's side of the family too.

"You have really grown," a boy in Hayden's year said to me as he looked me up and down. His name was Marco and Hayden had been friends with him since Primary school. I'd known him for years. "You're not a kid at all anymore are you? You remember me don't you? I'm Marco."

"Yes I remember you," I said.

"Well if you want to hang out later let me know," he said. "You're beautiful."

"Thank you," I said. "I said I'd talk to my godmother," and I quickly hurried off.

He wasn't the first boy to come over to me that day. It was flattering, but it was Hayden who I wanted to notice me. He was still tied up with the adults or the kids. I figured he was likely putting up with it until they all left. He knew he'd have the chance to socialize with his friends later. I tried to avoid swimming for as long as possible just so he could see me in my dress. It actually wasn't too hard since most people wanted to swim.

I finally got my opportunity around four when we had dinner. I quickly hurried over to the table that he was at and took a seat beside him before anyone else could. I knew that the kids would want to crowd around him, so I had to take the chance while I could. He was distracted by Ashley who was on his other side all through dinner she kept fussing over him. The other adults and some of the kids wouldn't stop talking to him. I don't think he really got much food down. I felt a little moody as I ate my dinner. I just wanted him to see me. When he finally looked in my direction, his eyes widened.

"Wow," he said after some moments of silence. "Michelle, you look beautiful. I mean, you always look beautiful but you're stunning today."

"Thanks," I said happily. "I bought this dress for the party. I have a new bikini too."

"Oh really?" He asked and he seemed awkward about that. Was it the wrong thing to say? Maybe he didn't care about my bikini. He took a deep breath. "Well I'm sure you'll beautiful in it."

I glanced at Ashley. She wasn't looking at me but Hayden. She glanced at Ben who shrugged. I wondered what that was about. She finally smiled and then turned to point her wand at the patio door. She didn't say anything, but a huge cake floated through the doors and landed softly with Hayden. It had chocolate frosting and a one and seven on it. Everyone started to sing to him at once. The ones who hadn't sat with him had moved closer to watch him. Hayden leaned forward to blow out the candles. Everyone began to clap, and then fireworks started to go off. I looked around to see that Hank, Stan and Jared were behind it. It didn't surprise me. They'd always been the ones to set off the fireworks at every party I'd ever been to with them.

I wondered if I'd ever be as good at charms as Ashley waved her wand again, and a small piece of cake began floating to each of the guests. How did she manage to do that? It seemed quite difficult to do, but for her it was just lazy wand waving. She didn't even have to say the incantations.

"Where have you been hiding all day?" Hayden asked me. "This is the first I've seen you."

"You've been surrounded all day," I said. "This is the first chance I've had all day."

"Well soon most of these people will be gone," he said. "I haven't talked to any of my friends. All the adults have had my attention all day. I never thought Ashley would be the type to fuss, but she has been."

"Seventeen is a big deal," I said. "You're her first kid to turn seventeen. You can't blame any of them for it really. They've all known you since you were a baby."

"I know," he said. "I'm just ready for a drink already."

"Well why don't you have one then?" Ben asked and he set a shot in front of Hayden. "Don't worry, the pesky adults and kids will be leaving you alone soon enough. Take a shot with your old man first, and then we'll start getting people to leave."

Hayden grinned up at him and then took the shot just as Ben took his own. Just as he promised, he walked around the patio letting people know that the party was over. I wandered around saying good-bye to some of the kids. Eventually I found myself face to face with Ashley.

"Come over here," she said and she pulled me off the patio and out into the yard. "I don't want to get your hopes up, but I have never seen Hayden react that way around a girl since Cynthia."

"What do you mean?" I asked hoping that she was saying what I was hoping she was.

"I think he is interested back Michelle," she said. "He talks about you a lot, but today kind of confirmed it for me. I think you should talk to him."

"But what if he doesn't? I can't lose his friendship," I said. "Can't you tell him for me?"

"No," she said. "That's up to you Michelle, and he will not stop being your friend. I know my stepson well enough to know that. If you're not comfortable with it, don't do it. I just think you should take your chance."

"I'll think about it," I said as I glanced over at him. I noticed mum was talking to him at the moment. "We'll see how tonight goes."

"Well it's not the 1800's anymore. Ask him to Hogsmeade when you're back in school if you want to wait," she said. "I've got to go say good-bye to everyone, but my gut tells me that he likes you back honey. I think enough time has passed now for you two."

I truly did hope she was right, but I was nervous. He was the first boy I truly liked. He wasn't just some boy who I could move on from. I knew if he rejected me, I'd be very heart broken. I'd feel worse than I had at the end of first-year when he and Cynthia had gotten together. I'd known it was going to happen then.

That night, I tried to keep an eye on the four second-years, but they truly behaved that night. They didn't even leave the pool. Some of the older kids had taken over the baby pool. They were sitting in it and drinking. The girls kept me distracted most of the night even though I wanted to talk to Hayden. He was surrounded by the boys. They were all trying to get him to drink, and he happily obliged. I'd promised mum that I wouldn't have too many that night, and I kept that promise.

"I don't like the idea of you swimming and drinking. If you feel the need to do it, please stick to a few drinks," she'd told me.

I didn't want to drunk and swimming either. Half the people in the pool shouldn't have been in there. I saw the adults coming out once and a while to check up on them. No one noticed that Cynthia and a few of her friends showed up as the night went on. They were all too much into their own conversations or fun. Andrew and Craig set off more firecrackers as the sky darkened. It was a wonderful night.

That was until I looked over at Hayden to see that he and Cynthia were kissing. I knew I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up. I felt ten times worse than I had three years ago. I swam to the ladder of the pool and climbed out. Tears blurred my eyes as I grabbed my dress. I didn't want to go home quite yet. So I pulled on my dressed and walked over to the small pond. I hadn't bothered to dry off, so my dress clung to me uncomfortably, but I didn't care. I flopped down on one of the benches, and really let go.

Ashley had been so wrong, and I was so relieved that I hadn't taken her advice. This was bad enough, but I knew his rejection would have made me feel ten times worse than I was at the moment. I was still quite heartbroken either way. My sobs shook my entire body. Eventually I felt someone sit beside me but I didn't look to see who it was. More than likely it was Catalina.

"She kissed me and I pushed her away," I finally heard.

I was shocked to hear Hayden's voice. I quickly wiped the tears from my face. The last person I wanted to find me crying was him. I didn't want his pity. Perhaps Clarissa, Ashley or Catalina had said something to him. Why else would he be explaining?

"You don't need to explain anything," I said.

"Yes I do," he insisted. "She wasn't supposed to be here. I didn't know she was here. I was drunk and she walked up and kissed me. I pushed her away and I told her to go home. Alyssa told me that I needed to come over here. I'm sorry you had to see that."

"I don't care. I'm not crying about that. What you and Cynthia do isn't any of my business. If you want her back, that's your choice. You were together for so long," I said and I tried to look away from him but he put a hand on my face gently. He wiped a tear away.

"We're not getting back together. Michelle, her jealousy isn't the only reason why I broke up with her. I haven't been in love with her for a long time. There is someone else that I started to fall for," he said and leaning forward he kissed me.

I didn't even think about it. I kissed him back even though I had a hard time believing that it was actually happening. This had been one of my fantasies for years, but I hadn't actually believed it would happen. Someone, probably Craig and Andrew was still setting off fireworks.

"I'm sorry you had to see that," he said again as he pulled away.

"You've fallen for me?" I asked him.

"Yes," he answered. "I don't know when it happened. Some time last year, but it felt wrong because of Cynthia and our ages. Alyssa told me that she thought you might like me too. It's been her trying to convince me all summer, but I was worried about asking you. She told me I should ask you to Hogsmeade."

"Clarissa and Catalina told me the same thing," I said. "Ashley told me tonight to say something."

"She knew?" Hayden asked.

"I told her not to tell you. I was scared that if you found out, you'd stop talking to me," I said.

"Even if I didn't like you, I wouldn't stop being your friend," Hayden said. "I can't believe she kept that from me."

"Don't get upset with her," I said. "I made her promise when I was nine-years-old. She told me that if she thought you liked me back she'd do something about it, but I didn't want her to say anything."

"Nine-years-old," he said slowly. "So Alyssa was right about that. She's a very observant girl. I'm sorry I ignored you that summer."

"You apologized for that already," I reminded him.

"I feel like a git about tonight," he said and then he kissed me again. "I've been trying to work up the nerve to talk to you and all I did was hurt you."

"It was Cynthia's fault," I said and then sighed. "I do have to admit, I felt eleven-years-old again. I felt the same as I had when we went to Niagara Falls. You invited me to hang out, and then I had to see Cynthia all over you. I felt like history was repeating itself but it felt worse tonight."

"All summer I've just wanted to get to know you better," he said. "It's why I quit so early, and it's why I convinced you to do it too. I wanted us to have more time together before we went to school."

He reached over and wiped more tears away. I wasn't meaning to still cry. I believed I was still in shock. He kissed me again.

"Why are you still crying?" He asked.

"I'm trying to stop," I said and then I smiled. "I guess I'm like Niagara Falls too."

I sniffled a few times and then laughed.

"I was ugly crying. I probably look terrible."

"You can never look terrible," he said. "You look beautiful even when you cry."

"You've got to be kidding me, she's fourteen!"

We looked up to see Cynthia and her friends were glaring down at us. Minnie, Andrew, Craig, Alyssa, and Clarissa were there too. Minnie was trying to pull Cynthia back.

"Get off me!" Cynthia shouted at her and pulled her arm away.

"I'm sorry Hayden, we tried to stop her," Minnie told him.

Hayden stood up quickly. He stared down at his ex-girlfriend with such anger. "I told you to leave already. I told you that I don't want to be with you."

"You want to be with a fourteen-year-old?" Cynthia demanded.

"Yes I do," Hayden told her. "I've had more fun with her this summer than I did the last year with you. I didn't have to deal with the jealousy or her trying to control me."

"She's too young for you," Cynthia insisted.

"No she's not," Alyssa said stepping forward. "It's only two and a half years. You're not welcome here anymore."

"Go away little girl," Cynthia said to her but Alyssa stepped closer to her.

"This is my house. I want you to leave right now. Michelle is ten times better for Hayden then you. Now go," Alyssa said angrily.

I stood up as well now. I knew I should be helping out, but I was at lost for words. I stepped closer to Hayden who wrapped an arm around me quickly. Cynthia's eyes widened and before anyone could do anything, she slapped Hayden across the face. The sound echoed around the yard. Quickly I moved forward to try and hit her back, but Alyssa got there first. Except it wasn't a slap, she threw an arm back and punched her hard in the face. I couldn't believe the strength the girl had in her. She was tall, but she was very thin. She didn't look as if she could hurt a fly, but she hit Cynthia so hard that she fell to the ground.

"You don't ever hit my brother!" She screamed. "Leave immediately."

"We should go," Diane said as she quickly helped up a sobbing Cynthia.

"You're a little bitch!" She yelled at Alyssa. She tried to move to hit her but Minnie stepped forward before she could.

"Leave. Now," Minnie told her. "You've done enough damage tonight. I don't appreciate you ruining my best friends birthday party or his new relationship."

Cynthia cried harder as Diane, Eileen and Wanda led her away. I could feel Hayden shaking and I look to see that his face was red. I moved forward and kissed the spot that she had hit him. I felt bad that I had froze while the others had stood up for him. I believed I must have been his girlfriend by this point, so I should have stuck up for him.

"I'm sorry, I should have said something too," I finally said but he shook his head.

"It isn't up to you to say anything," he said to me. "She shouldn't have been here."

"Remind me never to piss you off," Craig said to Alyssa who also looked very angry.

"Where did you learn to hit like that?" Hayden asked her. "I didn't know you could hit like that. If it had been any harder you would have knocked her out."

"I don't know," she said with a shrug. "I saw her hit you and I saw red. All I knew was that I wanted to hurt her back."

"I'm really sorry Hayden," Minnie said. "We did our best to keep her from coming over here. We told her that she had to leave, but she gave us the slip and came over anyway."

"It's not your fault," he told her. "She knew she wasn't welcome here. She shouldn't have come here in the first place."

"So when did this happen?" Craig asked as he looked from me to Hayden. "Don't tell me that you two got together but you didn't tell us. You're such a secretive man Hoofer."

"It literally just happened," Hayden said. "Michelle saw us kissing and I came out here to comfort her."

"I told you that she liked you," Alyssa said just as Clarissa said: "Didn't I say he liked you back?"

The two girls looked at each other.

"You knew," they said together.

I felt amused by this. They could seem like twins at times even if they didn't look the same. They did remind me of William and Cameron.

"I guessed a while ago," Alyssa said, "but I never said anything until a few weeks ago to Hayden. He told me not to tell anyone, not even you. I would have, but he didn't want anyone to know."

"I've always known Michelle liked Hayden but I just kept it to myself. This morning when she dressed up for this party, I asked. I told her he liked her back."

"And I told him she liked him back," Alyssa said.

"And we told him the same thing," Andrew said.

"So did I," Minnie said. "I could see it between you two for a while. Just like I could see it years ago with Cynthia and Hayden," and she smiled at Hayden. "You're not always the best at hiding your emotions you know."

Craig laughed. "Well why don't we leave the new couple alone and join the party again? You don't have an ex-boyfriend that is going to step in do you Michelle?"

I shook my head. I was surprised at how accepting they all were about this. All these people had seen it between us, and they had advised us to go for it. All of them had huge grins on their faces. They were genuinely happy for us. I couldn't believe the day I was having. I'd started out happy, to heartbroken to being happy again. At the moment, I didn't even think it hit me that Hayden liked me too. He had his arm around me, he had been kissing me, and he'd told his ex to go away but I was still in shock. I wasn't sure when it would hit me.

"Do you want to go back to the party?" Hayden asked me.

"Or do you want to keep snogging Hayden?" Andrew asked.

"You're a prat," Hayden said as he lightly punched Andrew.

Andrew just laughed and then turned to walk off. The others followed. Alyssa turned to give Hayden the thumbs up before she and Clarissa took off running back to the pool.

"I can't believe that just happened," he said to me. "I'm sorry about Cynthia."

"I can't believe she slapped you. She's never seemed to be a violent person," I said.

"I can't believe Alyssa almost knocked her out," he said. "Seriously, if she had hit her any harder, Cynthia would have been out. I'm very proud of her. I don't condone violence, but that was amazing."

"It really was, but she does have a temper," I said.

"So what do you want to do?" He asked me.

"We should go back to your party," I said. "We can talk more tomorrow, but all this is for you. You should enjoy it."

"I was enjoying it while we were snogging," he said to me. "I know it's silly and childish, but you were my birthday wish."

"That's sweet Hayden," I said and I moved forward to kiss him. "Let's go back to the party. We have all day tomorrow to hang out, and the days after that."

"That is true," he said smiling at me.

I'd never had a relationship start the same day. Usually dates led up to it. None of my relationships ever lasted longer than a few months. I hoped this would be one that would last a lot longer than any of those. I didn't want high expectations at fourteen, but I wanted us to be together for a very long time. He took me by the hand and led me back to the party. I could tell as we walked back over to the pool that the little fight hadn't gone unnoticed. Many people were whispering to each other and pointing to us. I had to wonder how our parents were going to react to this. As I looked around the patio, I spotted all four of our parents plus Jared and Michael at the table. They were staring at us and I knew that we were going to be getting a talking to the next day.

"Sit down, both of you," Dad commanded.

It wasn't often that my father was too stern with us. Usually it was mum who had to step up and say something. Dad hated punishing us, especially when it came to Clarissa and me. He had his moments, like the time when he had gotten upset about us wearing bikini's or when he found out I'd had a boyfriend. He now knew that Clarissa had kissed some boys, and he had lectured her about that. That was the thing, he usually only lectured when it came to boys or if we wore something he thought was too revealing.

Hayden was staring at my father nervously, but he took a seat beside me, but he kept a space between us. It was the next day, and I was back at his place. Ashley and Ben were sitting on their love seat. They both looked amused by this. I glanced at mum to see that she even found this funny. She was staring at dad with her arms folded with a small smile on her face.

I'd almost hoped that they were going to say anything about it. Dad hadn't said a word at breakfast, but then mum had informed me that we were coming back here. She'd left Clarissa in charge of Elliot and Mickey. As soon as she said that Clarissa was in charge, I knew why we were coming back over here.

"Just how long has this little charade been going on for?" Dad demanded.

"Keith I told you-" Mum began but dad waved her off.

"They've spent a lot of time together this summer," he said to her.

"It just started last night dad," I said.

"It wouldn't be the first time you went behind my back," he said. "I don't like hearing about all this snogging at school."

"Dad, you're talking about Clarissa, not me. When have I ever lied to you about my relationships? I always write home when I have a date or a new boyfriend. I didn't have time to tell you about Hayden because last night was our first kiss."

"So why did you spend so much time together this summer?" He demanded. "You swam alone."

"Because we're friends," I said. "Besides, we really haven't found time to see each other."

"Keith, I even told you last night-" Ashley started to say.

"I don't care," he interrupted her. It was the first time I'd ever heard him really speak harshly to her. "You're going to defend him no matter what because he's your step-son."

"Defend him from what exactly Keith?" Ben asked. "They haven't done anything wrong."

"Not yet, but I know about his... his past," dad said.

"Keith, I can reassure you that I will never pressure Michelle," Hayden spoke up. "I like and respect your daughter too much for that."

"You just broke up with Cynthia," dad said to him. "How do I know you're not just using her as a rebound? Why are you interested in her? You're going to be seventeen and she's only fourteen."

"I was starting to fall for your daughter before I'd broken up with Cynthia," Hayden responded. "It was one of the many reasons why I broke up with her. I'd planned to wait a while before I did anything about it because I didn't know how she felt about me, and as you said, the age difference," and then he looked at me. "But then last night I found out she did feel the same way about me. Cynthia kissed me, and Michelle was upset, so I went over to talk to her."

"Looked more than talking to me," dad said but I thought he was softening. He didn't say that quite as harshly. Mum finally unfolded her arms and walked over to him.

"Keith, you know Hayden," mum said to him. "You know he's a good boy. You saw him with Cynthia. You even once said he was respectful with her. It's only two and half years."

"Keith, he won't do anything that she doesn't want to do," Ashley said. "We told you that last night," and then she looked at the two of us. "That being said, you two are not to be alone in the bedrooms anymore. When you hang out, it's either outside or in here around us. It's the same rules we had for you when Cynthia came over Hayden."

"I understand," Hayden said to her. "Just promise that you're not going to send the twins or Hailey to spy on us. Alyssa won't anymore, but I know they will."

"Don't use Alyssa to try and cover for you anymore," Ben said and I thought Hayden looked surprised. Ben smirked. "We were young once you know. You're not the first teen to pull that trick and you won't be the last."

"Well, we overheard you and Alyssa talking about that, but it doesn't surprise me," Ashley said. "My sister and me did the same thing when we were younger."

"Are the lectures almost over?" I finally asked. "We just got together last night. Who knows if it's even going to work out? Why not let us find that out in peace? I know you wanted the same things from your parents. Please don't hover over us, or 'accidentally'" and I used finger quotes when I said: accidentally "-walk in on us. You just said you were young once. Remember how you felt when you had parents bothering you," and then I looked at mum. "We talked about this mum. You know I'll tell you everything."

"You didn't tell me that you still liked Hayden," she said. "I thought you had moved on from that."

"I didn't want too many people to know," I told her.

"I still don't know about this," Dad said and he pulled from mum to start pacing.

"Because we should forbid them?" Mum asked him. "Keith, give them a chance. What if someone had stepped in and told us not to date? We wouldn't be where we are now."

"And look at where it got us," he said but he was trying to say it low enough for only her to hear.

I wondered if that was why dad was so against this. I knew they loved me, and I'd been told many times that even though they were too young, I had not been a mistake. I also knew that they were terrified that the same thing would happen with Clarissa or me. So it was likely why dad was acting like this. I knew a lot of fathers reacted this way when their daughters dated, but dad seemed overly stressed by this, especially given the fact that Hayden had sex already. He likely believed that Hayden wouldn't be able to go without sex, and he would pressure me to have it which would lead to a teen pregnancy.

"Dad, you don't have to worry about anything," I said. "I've liked Hayden since I was nine-years-old. He likes me too. Please don't take this away from me. You loved mum from your first-year. I know you were happy when you two finally dated."

"You two won't be alone in the bedrooms," Dad told me. "I want you to tell us when you two hang out," and then he looked at Hayden. "You will respect my daughter. You will have her home by her curfew on holidays. I don't want any letters home that you two were caught in the corridors. I want you to remember she is only fourteen."

"Believe me, I know," he said. "It was one of my reasons why I was going to try and move on at first. I will never pressure Michelle and I will take care of her. You can trust me with her."

Dad laughed now. "You're a teenage boy," but I could see that he had softened up by this point. "But I've also known you since you were a little boy. I can admit that if I have to see her with someone, it's someone she grew up with. Besides, you're just next door. I can kill you easier this way. You can't hide from me."

"Keith," mum said as Hayden let out a nervous laugh.

"Are we done now?" I asked.

I wanted to ask if they thought we'd actually shag under their roofs, but I decided against it. It was working in our favour. Giving them attitude, especially with my father around would be the worst thing I could do. So I kept my mouth shut. Dad just nodded and without another word, he walked out of the room. Mum, Ben and Ashley all grinned at each other in amusement.

"I'm just going to go talk to him," mum said. "We'll hang out later."

She followed after dad.

"I warned you," Ben said to Hayden after a few moments of silence.

"It went better than the meeting with Cynthia's father," Hayden said. "He threatened to hex certain parts of me. In fact, he still does."

"What do you mean he still does?" Ben demanded.

"Since the break up he has written to me a few times about it. He is angry and said that I broke her heart. He keeps threatening me," Hayden explained.

"Well that's going to stop," Ben said. "That's just inappropriate. He has no business threatening you like that. It's one thing to be protective of your daughter, but this is completely different."

And without waiting for Hayden to respond, he too left the room. I couldn't imagine my father doing that, but it would be something I would have to talk to him about. Hayden hadn't told me that Cynthia's father was threatening him. As Ben had said, it actually was inappropriate. I knew he had to stick up for his daughter, but did he feel that Hayden was obligated to stay with her? If he was so protective of Cynthia, did he know how she dressed when she left the house? Even last night she had been wearing a very short and revealing dress.

"He really doesn't need to write to her father," Hayden said to Ashley who shrugged.

"Well Ben is right," Ashley said. "He should back off now. You two have been broken up for weeks."

She turned to leave the room. We were finally left alone again. We hadn't had the opportunity since the night before at the pond. Once we'd returned back to the party, Hayden's sixth year friends had claimed him while mine had surrounded me. They'd all wanted to know what had happened. Catalina had been grinning from ear to ear about it. When I did finally get to talk to Hayden again, no one would leave us alone.

"I'm sorry about dad," I said after she had gone. "He shouldn't have done that."

"I knew it was going to happen the moment we returned to the patio last night," Hayden said to me with a smile. "Hell, I knew it was going to happen the moment after I kissed you. I don't care. It was worth it, and besides, as I said it was tame compared to Cynthia's father. You're dad isn't good at the stern father act."

"No he's not," I agreed with a smile. "It doesn't suit him at all. I did worry that he wasn't going to let us date though... that is what we're doing isn't it?" I asked. We hadn't really talked about that the night before. We had kissed a few times and then Cynthia had interrupted us. I assumed we were dating, but as I'd said, I'd never had a relationship start right away.

"Well that's what I am hoping we are doing," Hayden said, "especially after the parental lecture we just had. I think everyone seems to support us. Ashley and Ben are really happy for us, and I believe your mum is. My friends are happy for me. Some are shocked about it. I think Marco had a thing for you. He did seem a bit put out."

"He was hitting on me yesterday," I told Hayden. "I guess we don't have a choice now do we? Everyone thinks we are together. We wouldn't want to disappoint them would we?"

"Nope, I wouldn't want to disappoint the gossips at Hogwarts," Hayden said with a grin and he rolled his eyes. "I know I apologized last night, but I would like to again. Cynthia should never have been there. I was drunk, and for a moment I did let her kiss me because of it. I came to my senses and then Alyssa came over to tell me that you'd run off. That moment sobered me up because I should never have kissed her. I should have pushed her away right away."

"It's not as if you knew I'd be upset by it," I told him. "By that point you still weren't sure how I felt."

"It wasn't just that," Hayden said. "That part made me feel like a real git, but it also led Cynthia on. I don't want her anymore, and kissing her back even momentarily did that. I shouldn't have. I don't want her hurt anymore, even if she has been out of line. She likely had her hopes up that if she kissed me, I'd decide I wanted her after all. I don't like blaming alcohol on my actions, but that's what happened last night."

It told me just how good of a guy he was. He clearly had resentment for her, but I also knew he didn't want to cause her hurt anymore. I could understand the alcohol having affect on his actions the night before too. I didn't blame him for any of that. It was just plain and simple, she should not have shown up last night. It wasn't Hayden's fault at all. I pointed this out to him and he just gave a small shrug.

"At least it brought everything out in the open," I continued. "Who knows how long it would have taken us?"

"Well I was going to take Alyssa's advice and ask you to Hogsmeade," Hayden said. "It's still hard for me to accept that she's growing up. She was right about everything."

"So was Clarissa," I said. "And be glad that we actually invited them last night."

"They were well behaved," Hayden said with a nod. "I told Alyssa my party was her first chance to prove herself. If they all behaved, I would let them come to more of my parties. If they didn't, they would go back to being the kids. They more than proved themselves, especially Alyssa," and he grinned even more widely. "I still can't believe how hard she punched Cynthia."

"Did the adults see that?" I asked him. Mum and dad hadn't mentioned it, but they'd had other things on their minds by that point. I was sure Ashley and Ben would have had to say something to her. I hoped she wasn't grounded for it. They wouldn't want her to hit someone, even if Cynthia had deserved it.

"They lectured her about it, but we could all tell that they were proud of her," Hayden said. "Ashley and Ben were more angry about Cynthia showing up and then hitting me. They basically told Alyssa that violence isn't the answer, but it didn't go further then that. Ashley even told her that she likely would have done the same thing."

"I know I was proud of her," I said. "I think that's going to be one of my favourite memories."

"William and Cameron said the same thing," Hayden said. "They were watching the party from her room. She doesn't even care that they were in there without her permission. Normally she'd be angry about that. She forgot about it when they started to praise her for it."

"I imagine they would have," I said with a smile, "but maybe it will make William back off a bit. Now that he knows how hard his sister can hit, he might not want to make her angry."

"I'm thinking the same thing," Hayden said. "A few good things came out of that one. They were most certainly impressed. Even Hailey congratulated her and she's the last person who would want to see someone get hurt. She liked Cynthia."

"Yes but Cynthia hit you," I said. "Hailey wouldn't want you hurt, how are you feeling from that anyway? She hit you quite hard."

Hayden just shrugged. "It didn't hurt for long and I forgot about it. I was more angry that she would dare to hit me. Anyway, let's go outside. It's too nice out to be sitting in here. Maybe later we can go to Diagon Alley."

That last week of summer was one of the best I could remember in a long time. Despite the fact that dad wasn't happy about my new relationship (or at least he pretended not to be) he left us alone. No one sent the younger kids after us to spy. The adults did check on us once and a while, but we spent most of our time outside, so we were in full view of everyone anyway. When I was younger, I used to have fantasies about going for walks around the Hoofer's backyard and it was now a reality. We spent a lot of the week back there talking, walking around and having picnics.

Even though we wanted to be alone, at times we did let the other kids join us, especially Cameron, William, Hailey, Elliot and Mickey. Soon we'd be back at school and we wouldn't see them anymore. I would miss them and I knew Hayden would miss them as well.

"Tell again how you punched Cynthia," William said the afternoon before we had to go back to school. We were all in the pool. The adults were having a get together on the deck. It was a Friday afternoon, so they were having our going away party that night. No one had to be up early the next day. The kids were all coming to see us off that year too. It was the first time they could in a long time. Usually they started school on the first.

"I thought you watched from my room," Alyssa said.

"I know, but I like hearing about it," William said. "Besides, Trevor here didn't get to see it."

"It was brilliant," Cameron said to Trevor. "She swung back and hit hard. I bet it was loud."

"I have a hard time picturing it," Trevor said with a smile. "Do a re-enactment on William, Alyssa."

"No I don't think so," Alyssa said with a grin while William glared at his friend.

"It was quite amazing," Minnie said. "I didn't know you had it in you. I was about to do the same thing, and then she looked as if she was going to hit you. So I was going to hit her."

"It would have been worth it if she had," Alyssa said with a shrug. "I imagine she's going to be a bitch to me at school though."

"She's going to be even worse with me," I said. "I wish we didn't share a common room."

"Tell me if she does," Hayden said. "Either one of you. I don't want you getting in fights with her at school, Alyssa. It's one thing for it to happen here, but I don't want you in detentions because of her."

"I find it hard to believe even though I saw it," Mackenzie said. "She's always been so nice. I've never known her to be mean to anyone."

"She's heartbroken and she's angry," Minnie said. "I'm not saying it justifies her actions, but that's what it is. She just isn't herself. Once she moves on she will likely go back to her old self. I hate thinking mean things about her because she has always been my friend. I'm sure she even knows that she is being ridiculous, but people, especially girls do stupid things when they are emotional."

"She shouldn't have hit Hayden for finding a new girlfriend," Cameron said.

"No she shouldn't have," Minnie agreed. "I don't even know if I can be friends with her now because of that. If she apologizes and she is sincere than maybe, but it was very wrong for her to do that. I also don't like how she showed up to ruin his seventeenth birthday party."

"It didn't end up getting ruined," Hayden said. "She was just a minor annoyance. It was a very good night otherwise."

"Because you ended up getting the young and beautiful neighbour girl?" Andrew asked as he swam over.

"Yes exactly," Hayden said with a grin and then he winked at me.

William started to make gagging noises. "You two aren't going to be all lovey dovey are you?" He asked.

"Just wait a few years when you get a girlfriend mate," Hayden said.

"I'll never be like that with girls," William said.

"Because girls will never like you," Alyssa said.

"Uh huh they will," William argued. "I'll have lots and lots of girlfriends like Uncle Jared, so there!"

Somehow that didn't surprise me. I knew William didn't really understand the full extent of what he was saying, but I had a feeling that he would take what mum and Ashley called the "Jared approach" when it came to girls. Hayden's friend Andrew was like that. I'd actually been surprised about that one. A couple years ago I believed Craig wouldn't want to have one girlfriend, but anyone could tell that he loved Minnie. He was staring at her adoriingly. It was the way Hayden used to look at Cynthia, and I hoped it would be the way he would eventually look at me. Obviously he liked me, but I knew he didn't me yet.

"You have some great goals in life," Mackenzie remarked.

"Because you're any better," William said. "I heard you snogged a lot of boys last year."

"You lot are too young to be talking like this," Craig said as he raised his eyebrows. "You shouldn't even understand snogging or shagging."

"Because we're five," Cameron said sarcastically. "Even Hailey knows what snogging is. You did that stuff when you weren't much older than us. I remember you talking about it. We're not little kids anymore you know."

"Because ten is just so grown up," Charles said.

"And you are?" Trevor asked him.

"Let's see," Charles said. "By a raise of hands, who can stay home by themselves?"

William, Cameron and Trevor all scowled as most of us put our hands up. I couldn't help but smile even though I understood how they felt. The ages ten and eleven weren't easy ages. You still wanted to be a kid, but you also wanted more responsibility. With Alyssa gone last year, the twins were the oldest. Even Clarissa had felt a little put out when I'd come home, and she was no longer the big sister. I knew Alyssa had felt that way too before she'd gone away.

"Put up your hands if you can live by yourself," Cameron said and then he smirked when no one did. "Who's grown up now?"

"All right, all right," Hayden said with a smile. "Let's just get along shall we? We'll be all leaving soon, and then all of you preteens can be the big kids again."

"Come on out of the pool you lot," Ashley said as she walked over. "It's about time to eat."

"I get to sit with at the adult table!" William shouted as he swam to the edge.

"One more year William," Ashley said. "I still want you and Cameron to sit with the younger kids."

"But it's just a year," William whined as he began to climb up the ladder.

"Exactly, you can wait a year," Ben said. "The adult table is for the Hogwarts kids."

"He's going to be a nightmare when he's a teen," Hayden muttered as he too swam to the ladder. "I'm not looking forward to a teenaged William at all."

I was feeling the same way about Clarissa. Sure we'd had a good week and she seemed happier that I was paying attention to her, but I still felt that she was going to be trouble. At the moment she trying to flirt with Charles who seemed to enjoy the attention from her. Since when did he like her? He'd always seen her as Mackenzie's pesky little friend. He'd never thought of her as grownup. Was he starting to see her the way Hayden saw me?

Hayden and I took a couple of seats near Ben and Ashley. I didn't want to sit anywhere near my father. I hated how he stared at us when we were together. I knew he had been eyeballing us while we'd been in the pool. What could he think that we were going to do surrounded by their friends and family? Hayden was never the type that believed in PDA. He did the little things, but he wasn't like some of the people who felt the need to advertise their relationship. This had annoyed Cynthia last year. I remember hearing her complain that he never wanted to snog in front of people. I preferred keeping things private. I didn't mind some affection, but not to the level that I'd seen from some of the sixth or seventh years. I glanced over at mum and dad to see that dad was watching us. Mum poked him in the shoulder. I couldn't wait to get back to school.

"So are the two of you going to talk to Rachel tomorrow?" Tasha asked Ashley and Ben.

I wondered why they would. I knew Hayden's mother always showed up at the train station, but she hid. All of the adults hated her presence. It had bothered Hayden originally that she hid, but he stopped caring after it seemed as if she was trying to turn him against Ashley and Ben. It was as if she wanted to cause a rift between them or to have him cause them trouble. We'd all been worried that Hayden would be very angry about her abandoning him, but he'd moved past it.

"Yes," Ben said. "We sent her a letter and told her to meet us after the kids get on the train. Now if she actually does it is another story. I can't believe what she is trying to pull."

"Well I'd like to talk to her too," Tasha said.

"Just don't hit her this time please," Hayden spoke up. "I know you're angry with her, but I don't want her hit... even if she does deserve it. She knows the score between us."

"I won't hit her," Tasha said. "But I want to talk to her. I'm sick of what she is doing to you and to us. I still stand by my opinion that she shouldn't be in our lives at all. All she has done for the last ten years is cause problems."

"I know," Hayden said. "But I wanted to talk to her, and it's not Ashley's or Ben's fault. If they had told me not to when I was in my first year, I would have waited until I got to Hogwarts and sent her a letter anyway. I do have a mind of my own."

"What are they talking about?' I asked. "What has your mum done now?"

"I guess I didn't tell you," Hayden said to me. "I'm sorry Michelle. There's been a lot going on lately, and it's been a few weeks since it all happened. Mum wrote to me and told me that I could move back in with her but that I wouldn't be her son."

I stared at Hayden with shock. After all of these years, she was trying to get him back? He was going to be of age in the Wizarding world in a couple of weeks. She'd given up all rights to him when he was a little boy. She'd decided it was too hard to raise a magical child because she wanted a normal life. I didn't remember much about her, but I didn't like her at all for what she put her son through. He was better off without her in his life.

"That's just-" but I couldn't find the right words to even describe it. I just shook my head. "Hayden, I have to agree with Tasha. What good is it having her in your life? Did she decide that she wants you back just because you're older now?"

"Not exactly," Hayden answered and he glanced at Alyssa who was at the end of the table with my parents. He looked guilty. "It's kind of my fault."

"No it isn't," Alyssa said quickly. "You were frustrated with me and you vented about it. I complain about William and Cameron all the time. She has no right to try and take you from mum and dad because of it. If anything, it's my fault."

"No it's not," Ashley said. "Rachel is the one who is doing this."

"Why would it be yours or Alyssa's fault?" I asked hating to be out of the loop.

"I told her what Alyssa said," Hayden said, "and I shouldn't have. It's really none of her business. I was just so angry that night and I told her about it. She wrote a letter back saying that maybe I'd be better off with her. She said that I was lucky that I escaped Ashley's and Ben's influence because Alyssa and the other kids are probably spoiled."

"Well I must agree that maybe you shouldn't have said anything," Brenda spoke up.

Everyone at the table instantly glared over at her, even Mr. And Mrs. Hoofer. I could see Richard shaking his head from his spot on the other side of Alyssa. Brenda always managed to make everyone angry somehow. I didn't understand how she could blame Hayden for this. I understood venting about a sibling. I'd done the same with Ashley and the others when it came to my own. Most people complained about their siblings. I remembered how angry Hayden had been with Alyssa for that.

"It is not Hayden's fault that she is doing this!" Barry told his sister angrily. "All kids complain about their siblings. We certainly did. I remember many times when I would overheard you complaining-"

"This isn't just about sibling rivalry," Brenda spoke up quickly. "It isn't the same as Richard complaining to one of his friends or one of you about Anthony or Dakota! Rachel has been causing problems for years now, and to tell her about what Alyssa did is different."

"No, she's right," Hayden spoke up quickly. "It's not the same thing at all. I told her something I shouldn't have told her about."

"It still doesn't make it your fault," Mrs. Hoofer said. "I do agree that you shouldn't have either, but I don't believe it's your fault that she is doing this."

"I never said it was," Brenda said. "I am so sick of everyone turning my words into something else. All I said was that he shouldn't have told her. I never once said it was Hayden's fault. As usual, everyone is against me."

"But you're condoning what she is doing mum," Richard said. "That's why everyone is angry with you. It doesn't matter if Hayden should have or shouldn't have said that. She has no right to try and tell him to move back in with her."

"I am not condoning-" Brenda began.

"Then why say it all mum?" Richard demanded. "What is the point in bringing it up at all? Do you want him to feel guilty?"

"Watch the tone Richard," Brenda said. "Do you want to be grounded again?"

"For telling you the truth?" Richard asked. "Maybe you should learn to handle the truth."

"Maybe you should learn to watch your tone!" Brenda told him. "I am so sick and tired of you questioning everything I say or do. You are twelve-years-old and I am your mother."

"That doesn't mean you're right," Richard said angrily. "But go ahead and ground me mum. It won't make what you said or did right."

"Go to the kids table right now!" Brenda said angrily. "And then you can go home after dinner! You're lucky that I don't give you a spanking."

"Gladly!" Richard said angrily as he stood up quickly. "There is less immaturity with the kids," and then he turned to Ashley and Ben. "If it's okay, I would like to spend the night here and then the Christmas holidays."

"You are not staying here!" Brenda told him angrily.

"Brenda," Milton said and he put a hand on hers.

Everyone else was staring at them with open mouths. I'd always liked Richard. I knew that he told her off when she got to be too much, but it wasn't often that we witnessed it. Usually they kept their fights in the privacy of their homes.

"What?" Brenda said angrily back.

"Maybe it is better if Richard stays here at least for tonight," Milton told her. "For the time being, you need to calm down. It doesn't help when you fight with him like this."

Richard stomped over to the kids table and sat beside Cameron. The kids looked at him with curiosity. They hadn't really been paying attention to us, but the kids table was a bit further away from ours.

"So we're just going to reward him-" Brenda began.

"It's not rewarding him honey," Milton said. "But all you two ever do is fight. That's all you did this summer. Your relationship with him has been getting worse. That being said, he does have a point. It is irrelevant whether or not Hayden should have told Rachel. She should not be trying to take him back. You don't know if she would have tried to find another opportunity now that he is older. She might have seen a chance now and jumped on it. We don't know what that woman is capable of. I'll talk to Richard about how he speaks to you, but you can't punish him for being right. He shouldn't talk to you that way, but he is also right. He just needs to learn to tell you his opinion with more respect."

"He should just agree with what I say," Brenda said.

"Brenda, the only reason you are angry with him is because you know he is right," Mrs. Hoofer told her. "I know you can't stand it when your own son calls you out, but threatening to spank him when he is twelve? There is a reason why he never wants to be at home. You haven't treated him right since Dakota was born. We told you that a few years ago, and we thought you'd learned your lesson but apparently not. The reason he is so disrespectful towards you is because of how you are with him."

"Right, put all the blame on me," Brenda said angrily and then she looked to Ben and Ashley. "Fine, if it's all right with you two, he can stay here for the night. Maybe he'll learn his lesson when I don't show up tomorrow to say good-bye."

"Brenda-" Milton said.

"No, I am done," Brenda said angrily as she stood up. "Bring Dakota and Anthony home when you're ready. I am going home now. Since everyone, including my oldest son seems to be against me, I am going. I am tired of this when it comes to this family."

We all watched her get up and walk off. I glanced over to where Richard was sitting with the kids. He looked indifferent as his mother walked off without saying good-bye. I didn't exactly understand what was going on with that part of the family, but I did know that often Richard didn't stay at home. I knew Brenda would never abandon her son, but I could see Richard having similar feelings for her that Hayden had with his mother.

"I'm going to go after her," Milton said. "I'll be back later for Anthony and Dakota."

He walked off quickly.

"Well that escalated quickly," Craig said. "This is why I like your family dinners Hoofer. It's never boring."

"We're glad to be able to entertain you," Ashley said to Craig with a weak smile before looking at Ben. "I guess we have Richard overnight again."

"How much do you want to bet that one of us is going to end up having him live with us?" Brianne asked. "I think things are only going to get worse."

I couldn't help but agree, but I just hoped it wouldn't be at Ashley's and Ben's. Their place was my escape when I wanted to get away. I hoped none of that would change now that I was with Hayden. Whenever I needed to get away from home though, I wanted to be at my godparents place and I didn't want my relationship or Richard's problems to ruin it. I knew it seemed selfish, but they were running out of rooms in their big place.


	6. Chapter 6

Alyssa

"Alyssa, I want to talk to you about when you sleep in my bed," mum said one Saturday morning.

It was a rare moment when it was just her and me in the house. It didn't happen often. Dad had taken all three boys out to play a two on two game of Quidditch and Hailey was playing with Elaina.

I was sitting at the Island in our kitchen and working on a Charm's essay. Mum was helping me out with it, but she was also doing her own homework from her job. She often brought it home with her. She was supposed to decipher some Runes at times to figure out some spells and how they worked. She was slowly moving up through her company.

"I thought you said you didn't mind when I did," I said as I looked up.

One morning she'd woken me up to tell me that I was welcome to just go in when she did instead of sneaking in after she slept. Perhaps she was waiting to tell me that I was too old to do that. After all, what twelve-year-old girl still slept in their parents room? I'd never told her the reason for why I did it. Maybe she thought I was just being childish about it.

"I don't mind if you sleep in there," she said. "To be honest with you, I'm not used to sleeping by myself. I was probably seventeen the last time I slept by myself, even when your father worked midnights I ended up having you, the twins or even Hayden in there with me. Sometimes all four of you would join me. I wanted to talk about why you do it."

"I just miss you sometimes," I told her quickly.

"Sweet heart, I know you are doing it because you feel guilty still, and that's what I want to talk about. I don't care if you sleep in my room at all. I'll never tell you to go back to your room. It's just that, I don't want you to keep beating yourself up over that," she told me. "You were out of line, but we talked about that. People often say things they don't mean when they were angry. I have forgiven you. I still love you as much as I always have, and that isn't going to change. I don't care what you do, you're always going to be my little girl. You were one of the best things to have ever happened to me. You are also a very good girl most of the time. I feel that so far I have raised a very respectful young lady, and I am proud of you."

It felt good to hear her say all of that to me, but it didn't stop me from feeling guilty. In fact, it just made me feel even more guilty. I'd been such a little bitch to her and dad, and they still loved me no matter what. I didn't know what the future would bring, but I was sure that I would disappoint her again at some point, and that she would still love me.

"I'm going to feel guilty until I am a very old lady," I told her. "I shouldn't have said it to you no matter how angry I was with Hayden."

"Well I wish you wouldn't," she told me. "Besides that, you have always been an amazing young lady. You had more questions for me about that night in Godric's Hollow. Why don't you ask the rest of them now?"

"Are you sure?" I asked her.

I'd asked her and dad some of my questions already. I'd asked her right before they'd had one of their parties, and they had answered some of my questions. It had mainly been the Hogwarts ones, but I still hadn't a chance to ask any of the ones for outside of Hogwarts. I wanted to hear more about what happened with dad when he decided to quit St. Mungos. I still remembered feeling hurt when he had yelled at me for no reason. I also remembered feeling worried about mum staying home with dad. I remembered that it had stressed her out.

"I'm sure," she said. "One of these days Hailey is going to ask more questions and I am sure the twins will too. I need to get used to it, especially when it comes to your sister. Someday she could feel resentment."

"I don't think she will," I said as I thought back to the conversation she'd had. "She told me that she never will."

"She's seven though. You accepted it when you were nine," mum said.

"And I still accept it," I told her. "It's just that..." and then I stopped. I thought about what Hayden had said about keeping quiet about it.

"It's just that what?" Mum asked. "I could see that you were annoyed with me when I told the story again."

"I don't blame you at all about Hailey," I told her. "You didn't know you were pregnant with her. I just don't think you should have gone. Even if you were never pregnant you should never have gone."

"And is that what bothers you about that night?' Mum pressed on.

"Yes," I told her. "Even if you were never ever pregnant, I still would think that. I just know from hearing from all the adults talking it. You can't duel properly and we might have lost you that night. I remember feeling scared that night too. I considered telling you to stay but I didn't. I knew something was wrong when dad and Michael left. Then you left too and Grandmum and Grandpa were so scared."

"Your dad feels the same way," she told me. "He was angry with me for years, and I thought it was because of Hailey but it wasn't."

"I know," I said remembering the talk that Hayden and I had. "Hailey thinks that too. She understands more than you realize. She isn't angry with you at all, but she just thinks you shouldn't have gone even if you hadn't been pregnant. She knows you can't duel either."

"When did she say that?" Mum asked looking worried.

"Before we went to Diagon Alley," I answered and I told her the entire conversation before she could get the wrong idea.

Mum sighed. "Hailey is a sweetheart, I just hope she'll always stay that understanding. I can't believe she already knew. She's so different from you and the boys. When you were that age, you usually spoke up. You did it even when you were four. She always keeps quiet. Even Cameron let his opinion known at that age more than she does."

I thought back to when Hayden said that he believed Hailey would always be modest. I believed even when she was twelve like me she would still be that way. I told mum this who nodded.

"Well it's not as if you aren't either honey," mum said. "You've always been a sweet girl too. You've just always been more demanding and opinionated. You know what you want, and you go for it. You get that from your father. It's not a bad trait to have. You never gave me too much trouble when you were little," and she smiled. "I remember you even telling me that you were always good when you were four."

I nodded remembering that as well. It was when I'd gone to Clarissa's for the weekend when dad was angry all the time. Hayden had told me that he constantly worried about mum, and I felt the same way. I realized that I likely always had once I was old enough to. My worry for her likely had started around the time when dad had always been angry. I didn't have many memories from before then. After that, we'd moved to our mansion and then trouble had started shortly after that. Hayden had said that she was supposed to be the grown up worrying about us, but I realized it worked both ways.

"Mum, can you make me a promise please?" I asked.

"What?" She asked looking a little weary.

"If there is another war or fight, promise you won't go," I said. "Even if we're all grown up. Just stay home. I wanted to tell you to stay when I was four, but I didn't. Now that I am older, I am going to say it. Even if they need every wand, please stay home. It doesn't make you a coward if you don't go. Daddy and everyone else will be fine, but I think you should just stay home."

"I promised your dad the same thing," mum told me. "But I give you my word Alyssa that I won't go."

"Even when I am grown up with my own kids?" I pressed.

"Even when your kids have kids," she answered.

"Good," I said. "Would you have stayed home if I asked you to?"

It was something I'd been wondering about for a while. Dad had asked her to stay, but I had to wonder if she'd have changed her mind if her four-year-old daughter would have spoken up.

"More than likely I would have stayed," she answered. "Why? Please don't tell me you blame yourself. You were just a little girl. Your father and I have played the blame game enough. We don't need you to."

"No," I told her quickly. "I've just always wondered. It never really occurred to me to blame myself. I only feel guilty about what I said."

"Well I wish you wouldn't," mum said. "That night changed a lot for all of us. When Hayden started Hogwarts, and your dad and me went on that trip, we talked about all this. Feeling guilty or blaming each other about it doesn't help anything. The best we can do is learn from it, and move on. The best you can do is learn from your outburst. If you ever feel so angry that you might say something you'll regret, just think before you speak. Hayden learned some techniques back from when he was in therapy, he used to have some angry outbursts. He has been quite good about controlling his temper most of the time. He still of course has his moments, but everyone does."

"Maybe I'll ask him about that then," I said.

I remembered when Hayden had been about to lose his temper over what Aunt Brenda had said. He'd managed to stop himself from losing his temper. We had grown closer over the summer, so I was sure that he wouldn't mind. We'd talked about topics more serious than his anger issues after all.

"Is there anything else you want to talk about when it comes to that night?" Mum asked.

I shook my head. I had everything I needed to know, and I knew she hated talking about it.

"Not about Godric's Hollow, but I do wonder if you give Hailey and Hayden more privileges because you feel guilty," and then I explained why I felt this way. I compared certain situations that the twins and me went through and what Hailey and Hayden went through.

"It's not exactly a guilt thing," mum said when I finished. "With Hayden, we promised him from an early age that we'd always be honest with him. Unfortunately, Hayden has always been mentally older than his actual his age. Hayden was older than you were when he was eight than you were at eight. It's why we were always open with him. We had an open and honest relationship with him from the beginning. Hayden was always quick to point out to us when he felt that we were treating him like a child. You didn't really start until you were slightly older. You enjoyed being a little girl for as long as possible. I believe actually it was when Hayden came home from Hogwarts after his first year that you started to demand for more freedom. So you were probably about the same age as Hayden was when we started to let you do more. You've always been allowed to go to the neighbours on your own. Well... as soon as we moved here."

"Well I'd like an open and honest relationship too," I told her. "But it's not just that. I've just always felt almost smothered. I compare what Hayden does or did at my age and then I see myself not being able to do the same. Hailey often gets special privileges too."

"Not really," mum answered. "She was about four when we let her go over to Michael's or Ellen's when she wanted, and you were that age when you could. We told Hailey early on just because I didn't want to repeat the story one more time. I put off telling the boys because I wanted to tell them and Hailey at the same time but William kept asking if I could tell him. In fact, I believe the twins are the only ones we have actually made wait for a lot of things. Other than the baby-sitting, you've always had plenty of privileges at the right age. Hailey has always been right on track with her age as well. The only thing we did differently was tell her the story earlier than we had for you and the boys."

"So why so late for the twins then?" I asked.

As I thought about it, I realized that what she was saying was truthful. Perhaps in my mind I had thought that Hailey and Hayden had more privileges but maybe that wasn't the case. I had been feeling quite spiteful at the beginning of summer because of the baby-sitting thing. The rest I hadn't given much thought about. Mum was right, when Hayden came home from Hogwarts after his first year, I wanted more because suddenly I wasn't the oldest anymore.

On the other hand, it was the twins who always had to wait. They hadn't been allowed to go to the neighbours on their own at four. I remembered that because I had to take them over to the neighbours. Once Hayden and Minnie started school, Clarissa and I were allowed to go out and meet mum on our own, or we could go on the bus on our own. We didn't have to wait for Michelle. Michelle was in charge of getting the younger kids though. However, once she was gone, the duty went to me to pick up the boys and Hailey. They weren't allowed to go on their own even though they were seven.

"Well, it's not really fair to lump Cameron with William, especially lately but it's because we don't always trust them," mum told me. "It's not always the case, but when it comes to certain responsibilities, that is what it was. With Hailey's story, it was only because we wanted to tell them all at the same time. When it comes to letting them go off on their own... well, William has already proven he doesn't go where he is supposed to go. I don't know if I can trust him to watch Hailey when he is twelve."

"William is protective of Hailey," I told mum. I was surprised she would even say that. I was sure he would watch out for her. He usually did and I pointed this out to her.

"Watching out for her and baby-sitting is completely different," mum said. "The boys will always be protective of her, all of us will, but William doesn't always have her best interests at heart. He forgot to pick her up more than once last year. This year she'll be allowed to just go out on her own, but he and Cameron were supposed to take turns picking her up. After a while, it was just Cameron who went to pick her up. Once when I slipped over to Ellen's for five minutes last year through the floo, I asked him to watch her, when I came home, he was upstairs. She was fine watching the telly, but still. I wanted him in the same room with her. He has let me down a few times. He is also causing more trouble than his brother. I hope things will change in two years, but I don't know if I can trust him to be in charge."

I was surprised to hear that. I'd taken my responsibilities very seriously at nine. I'd never forgotten the kids after school. If mum left us to run to Ellen's quickly (which wasn't often, she didn't like doing that) I watched out for all three of my siblings, especially Hailey since she was four. Even at seven I'd taken my responsibility seriously. I knew I was the oldest with Hayden gone, and I wanted to been seen as a big girl. I never would have thought William would do that. I did agree that it wasn't fair to Cameron though. I hated to admit it, but sometimes he could be more mature than me.

I didn't say anything to this, but I figured before I went back to school that maybe I'd have a talk with my brother. I didn't know if he would take me seriously or not, but I would do it anyway. If he wanted mum and dad to trust him, he couldn't do any of that stuff. I didn't want to see him go down the road that I had. I'd held onto my frustrations for so long, and then I'd vented them out on mum and dad when I shouldn't have. I knew William was feeling frustrated at times too. I knew he had been upset about having to wait to hear mum's story. Maybe it was why he bullied so much. Hayden had said that he was going to talk to him about they bullying, but I figured it wouldn't hurt for him to talk to his big sister either.

"Is there anything else you want to know?" Mum asked.

I wasn't too sure at the moment. The rest of my questions were for dad. I wanted to know more about his breakdown, and some of the things he had done at Hogwarts. I wanted to know more about why he had liked my Aunt Jaime in his first year. It wasn't just dad I had questions for either. I had questions for my godmother too. I knew she'd been in love with my father when she was at Hogwarts. It made me think of a new question for mum though. What if Clarissa, Mackenzie and I ended up in the same situation? I didn't have any boy that I truly liked, and luckily the only boys that I was close to were my cousins. If Clarissa fell in love with Richard, it wouldn't affect either Mackenzie or me.

"How did you deal with the fact that Ellen wanted dad?" I asked her. "I know she caused problems in your relationship at school."

"That was a hard decision to make. Ellen had confessed to Ben her feelings in our fourth year. At that point, I wasn't even aware of my own feelings for him. In fact, your dad kept telling us that there was a mystery girl who he wanted. We'd always suspected there was someone, and I often wondered if it was my sister again. After he rejected Ellen, she told me she believed it was me who he wanted, but I didn't believe it. In our first year, he'd made his opinion well known that he would never like me. Unfortunately, I started to think more about your dad after she pointed this out. It wasn't until after my sixteenth birthday party that I finally realized that I was in love with him. I just didn't want to admit it because of Ellen. She told me to go for him though, and when I confessed how I felt, he told me he felt the same way. Ellen told us she was okay with it, so we went ahead and dated. She seemed fine at first until our first date, and then it went downhill from there. I was understanding at first because I felt that I was a bad friend by being with my friends crush, but I also wasn't willing to break up with either. She kept telling us that she didn't want us to break up, but she kept showing him her feelings anyway. After a while, I did feel resentment for her about it. It ended up leading to a big fight before our sixth year."

"I worry about the same thing happening to Clarissa, Mackenzie and me," I told her. "I mean, I don't like any boy right now, but it could happen later. The only boys we're close to right now are the cousins, so that's okay for Clarissa, but some other boy might come along."

Mum smiled. "Well maybe Richard and Clarissa will date. Then you'll just have to worry about Mackenzie."

I made a face at that. I couldn't see Richard ever wanting Clarissa. He hated her attitude towards homework. She would never like him either. It seemed odd anyway.

"I doubt it," I told her even though I was sure she was kidding anyway.

"All you have to do is talk to Clarissa and Mackenzie. The problem with Ellen and me was that we didn't talk to each other enough about that. I never liked to admit how I felt about boys. My friends guessed about Denver. If Ellen and I had just sat down and talked about the Ben situation, maybe things would have gone differently. We were best friends, but we could never admit our true feelings to each other."

"But maybe you wouldn't have gone for dad if you had," I pointed out.

"Maybe, maybe not," mum said. "I just think that the three of you should talk to each other about boys every time."

I sighed as I thought about Clarissa. There was another reason for why I didn't think I had to worry about her. I think she did like my cousin, just not Richard. I believed it was Charlie that she really liked. I didn't know for sure since she was a major flirt with a lot of boys, but I'd noticed she seemed to be all over him more and more. He didn't seem to mind either. Most boys didn't, but Charles was fourteen and Clarissa was twelve. Not only that, but she was a lot smaller than the average twelve-year-old. The twins were taller than her. She was a beautiful girl, but sometimes she could be mistakened as maybe nine.

"And if we do?" I asked mum.

"Well you have to decide if the boy is worth it. In my case, your father was worth it. It won't always work out that way. Before I fell for your father, I was completely against friends going for their friends crushes. I've always believed that friends should come first, but sometimes unfortunately it isn't always that black and white. Neither Ellen nor I were innocent when it came to that situation. She would have done whatever she could to get with Ben. If it meant hurting me, she didn't care. She was dating Stan when she told Ben how she felt. She would have dumped him for Ben. Hell, she even admitted once that she would have cheated on Stan if it meant she could have been with him."

"And that's why Stan doesn't really like her?" I asked.

I noticed that there seemed to be some animosity between Stan and Ellen. My parents still hung out with all the Hufflepuff's that were in their year. The majority of them even lived in our neighbourhood now. I could see that it was awkward between the two of them. It was obvious that he wasn't fond of her.

"They're better than they were, but yes that's why. I don't think he hates her anymore, but they would never hang out if it weren't for the rest of us. It did take a long while before he would speak to her again," Mum answered. "And that's something I'd actually like to warn you about Alyssa. Please don't ever date someone to settle. It doesn't only hurt you, but it hurts the bloke you're dating as well. Your father and Ellen dated a lot of people even though they were in love with someone else. I'm not saying you should wait around for that boy to notice you, but it's wrong to use someone as well."

"I won't date someone unless I think I really like them," I said with a shrug.

"You should be careful with your random snogging too honey. You don't want to lead a boy on. That happens too. Don't just snog a boy you like just for the sake of snogging if he doesn't like you back either," she told me. "I don't really like the idea of you snogging random boys at all but-"

"Any boy that I kissed knew where he stood, and I knew where stood," I assured her quickly.

"Well just be careful with that honey. You won't always see it that way, and neither will the boys. You are a very beautiful girl, and boys will want more eventually even if you don't. Girls tried slipping your father love potions and I hate to think of someone doing that to you. You're getting to that age after all," she told me. "Boys will be different at fourteen than they were at eleven."

"I'll be fine," I told her.

I was sure I could handle any boy who wanted more. I knew what mum was trying to hint at. We'd had the talk already. She was basically saying we were going to be hormonal crazed teenagers, especially the boys. She'd told me that a pretty girl like me had to be careful around horny boys. I was sure I would be fine and I would be careful about my drinks. I couldn't really imagine any of the boys in my year pulling any of those stunts anyway, even if they were changing. We'd known each other since we were four. I doubted hormones changed someone that much.

However, when I gave that a second thought, I changed my mind. Clarissa was slowly changing into this boy crazy girl. I liked boys too of course, but she was such a big flirt. She went through a stage when she believed all boys had the lurgy. During our last year of Primary school, she had slowly changed and last year everything had definitely changed. She loved boys, and she let everyone know it.

Later on when we were in her bedroom, I considered asking her about Charles. She was sitting on floor and painting her toe nails. I was lying on my stomach on her bed with my hands held out waiting for my own nails to dry. We weren't really saying much, but that wasn't unusual. Her and me could have comfortable silences when we hung out. We just enjoyed each others company more than anything. I bet we'd had more sleep-overs than anyone in our class. Not even Mackenzie came over as much. That was the advantage of having mum's who were best friends.

"Clarissa, do you like Charles?" I finally asked as she examined her toe nails.

"He's cute," she said with a shrug. "But all of your cousins are cute. Even William and Cameron are getting cute... too young though," she added as she made a face.

"The rest of my cousins are little kids," I said to her. "Charles and Richard are the only two who are old enough to date."

"But you know they'll all be handsome when they grow up," she said to me and then she looked thoughtful. "Richard got quite cute this year. He's like a brother and he is too serious about school work, but he has gotten good-looking."

"Okay, but what about Charles. I just notice you seem to flirt with more. I know you flirt with all boys, but you just seem different around Charles," I said.

"I'm probably just a kid to him," Clarissa told me.

"It's only about two years," I said thinking about how I'd had this conversation with Hayden already. Actually when I thought about it, their age difference was even less.

"Yes but he is like Michelle. They've always all just seen us as the little kids. I mean, I can kind of understand for Michelle when it was a few years ago. I still see William and Cameron as kids, but we're twelve now. I'll be thirteen soon enough. Michelle doesn't see it that way though. She just sees me as the pesky little sister who follows her around. Remember Niagara Falls?"

"How could I forget?" I asked. "You two fought non-stop. It's strange because you two used to play together all the time. It used to be you, me, Mackenzie and Michelle."

"Until she decided she was too old and cool for me," Clarissa said. "Charles has always ignored us when we have our get togethers. Whenever we go over to their place, he locks himself up in his room. Him and Mackenzie get along great for the most part. Out of all of us kids, those two get along the best. So why else would he ignore us if he doesn't think we're just kids?"

I gave a small shrug. "I notice he has flirted back with you," I told her. "So does that mean you do like him? You know you can tell me. I won't tell anyone, not even Mackenzie. You can trust me you know."

"I know I can," Clarissa said. "I do like him, but I just don't see the point in talking about it. He won't notice me. Just because he flirts back doesn't mean anything."

"Well I think you should keep flirting with him," I told her. "You'll never know if you don't try."

"Well what about you and Mason?" Clarissa asked me.

I shrugged. I hadn't given much thought to Mason since school had ended. I'd had a tiny crush on him, and we'd had fun snogging but I didn't want much from him. He was a nice bloke, but he kind of bored me. I loved Quidditch as much as the next person. We played it for fun at home and sometimes at school, but that's all he would talk about. He was almost obsessed with it, and all he talked about was Ballycastle Bats. They weren't a good team at all. They hadn't won in years, and yet he acted as if they were the best team ever. I would support the Cannon's over the Bat's, and they were worse. My team of course was the Holy Head Harpies, but I wasn't arrogant about them, even if they were a brilliant team.

"I thought you liked him," Clarissa said when I didn't answer.

"He was fun to snog, but he was a bore," and I told her my reasoning for that. "I don't have any boys I am interested in right now."

"I wish I felt the same way," Clarissa answered. "I like Charles a lot, but I also end up crushing on other boys. Until I know where I stand with Charles, I guess you won't mind if I go for Mason. He's gorgeous and he wants to play Quidditch, and he's smart too."

"If you don't mind being bored to death, go ahead," I told her. "But you hate hearing about Quidditch."

"Minor detail," Clarissa said with a shrug. "I want to have a steady boyfriend by the end of second year."

"Even if you don't like them?" I asked thinking about what mum had told me earlier.

"Even then," Clarissa said. "We're second years Alyssa. The people we date now won't be the ones we marry you know. It shouldn't matter if we 'love' them or not," and she put finger quotes around the word: love.

"But you should at least like them," I said. "I don't want to be with someone who bores me. I want to enjoy being around the person I date, even if I don't love them. What's the point in dating someone if they bore you to tears? I'd rather sit through five hours of one of Binn's lectures than listen to Mason go on and on about how amazing the Ballycastle Bats are, and how amazing of a Seeker he's going to make. I bet once you hang out with him for a day you'll dump him."

"But at least I'd know," Clarissa said. "Mum says these are the experimental ages. She says not to go into something expecting it to be a big deal."

"My mum also said not to settle," I told her.

"Can you really take her advice? She shagged Jared in a broom closet because she didn't think she'd find anyone else," Clarissa reminded me.

"I think that's why she gave me that advice," I said with a bit of a irritation. I didn't like her throwing that in mine or my mums face. "And besides, she told me more of the story of the love triangle between our mums and my dad," and I quickly explained about all of that, including what had happened with Stan.

"I guess," Clarissa said. "But I'm not going to date Mason to settle or to use him to get over Charles."

"But what if you did date and then Charles told you he liked you?" I asked her.

"Depends on how much I like Mason, if we date that is. If we get along well enough then I won't do that. That's where mum and I are different. I'm not using Mason to get over Charles Alyssa, but I'm also not going to sit around and wait forever for him to notice me either. But I also don't expect to fall in love with Mason either. I just want to date. I just want a boyfriend and I don't want to wait forever for a boy to notice me when others do," Clarissa told me. "Does that make sense?"

"It makes sense," I answered and it did.

"Do you think that will ever happen to us?" Clarissa asked me.

"What?" I asked.

"Will we both like the same boy? What if all three of us do?" She asked.

"Mum said that's why we should always be open with each other about our crushes. She said things might have been different if they had just talked to each other," I said.

"But my mum encouraged your mum to go for Ben," Clarissa said. "My mum told me all about that. She even admits she was in the wrong for that. She knew even back then that they were meant to be together. Mum told me it was the competitive edge she'd had back then. She couldn't stand the fact that she had lost to your mum. She was used to being the one that all the boys wanted. She said it wasn't the fact that Ben didn't want her. It was because both she and Ashley liked him, and he'd chosen Ashley. But Alyssa, I don't feel that way with you or Mackenzie. I don't want to beat either one of you. If we both like a boy, and he picks you, I won't be sad because you won. I'll be sad because I genuinely liked him. I don't feel competitive with you or Mackenzie at all."

"I don't feel that way with you or Mackenzie either. I just hope we always stay like this with each other. Girls can be competitive with each other. Mum told me that girls or women can be brutal with each other. I hope we'll never be like that," I said.

"Let's make a pact then," Clarissa said jumping up from the floor. "We'll have to get Mackenzie in on it too. I'll invite her to come over this weekend and we'll do it."

"What kind of pact are we talking about?" I asked. "We won't let boys come between us?"

"Kind of, but there are exceptions," Clarissa said. "It is like your mum said. Things aren't always that black and white. All three of us could end up liking a boy, but guaranteed one of us will like him more. It could be another Ashley and Ben situation, and we don't want to be like my mum. It took her forever to realize she loved my daddy instead. She almost lost her friendships over it. I don't want that to happen to either one of us. So I want to make a pact that we won't let it come between us, but we'll talk about it and if it seems as if it's meant to be, we won't stand in the way. We'll suck it up and move on just like my mum eventually had to do."

"And just like my Aunt Brenda had to do," I said.

"Exactly. We'll remember that for ex-boyfriends too. I mean, you don't mind me going for Mason."

"Mason and I never dated," I said. "We were snog mates. But yes, I see your point. It's easier said than done. But how are we doing this pact exactly?"

"We'll put it in writing," Clarissa told me. "I'll invite Mackenzie over. The three of us will sit and make the rules of the pact, and then we'll sign it. It will be like a friendship contract. We'll make copies, or we'll get an adult to make copies and then we'll keep it as a reminder. That way if it happens to two of us, or all three of us, we'll talk about the contract. You said so yourself that your mum said we should talk about it."

I nodded. "That could work. Let's just hope it never does happen. It's easier said than done. I'm just glad we aren't close to any boys like our mums were."

"Well except Richard but he's yours and Mackenzie's cousin," Clarissa answered. "You know, the three of you are lucky. Your entire family is lucky. You have best friends right in your families."

"You're basically an extension of our family," I reminded her. "All of us still grew up together."

"People compare us to the Weasley's you know," Clarissa said. "All the kids and plus the Godson situation."

"I used to wonder if mum and dad were trying to compete with them, but dad says it was a coincidence and that there are other big families with similarities. Hayden's situation is different anyway. His mum abandoned him."

"Yes but the Minnie and Hayden friendship is similar to Victoire and Teddy Lupin. Plus all the cousins growing up close."

"I know," I said with a sigh. "We're the less famous version of the Weasley's. I wish that people didn't compare us though. You know, I am surprised that Michelle isn't closer to Fred or James. I know your mum wanted it to happen."

"The Weasley's have their own clique though," Clarissa said. "Fred and James basically lead their own gang of Gryffindors. I wonder if they know how much people compare your families."

I shrugged. They likely did, but I'd never talked to any of them. The Weasley's did basically stick together with just a few outsiders. I doubted they cared about my family. We were insignificant compared to them. We were just a big rich family. They were famous for their part in the war. People knew about my mum's role in Godric's Hollow, but that fight wasn't exactly famous. Those attacks were seen as small compared to You-Know-Who's days. While they had been scary, they didn't leave as much of an impact as the two big wars had. Most people were more interested in the fact that it had taken place thirty years after You-Know-Who's attack then the fight itself. A lot of people didn't even know the details of that night.

In all honesty, I was glad about that. I didn't want to be under the spotlight like they were. I could get in trouble at school and it would never make headlines. The Weasley's had to be on their best behaviour or else it would be on the front page of the Daily Prophet. I was sure my fight with my parents would have made headlines by now. A few of Harry Potter's family conflicts had already. Hailey's birth was a major thing in my family.

"Don't you ever think they're a bit snobby?" Clarissa asked me.

"How do you mean?" I asked.

Granted I'd never talked to them, but I didn't understand how they were snobby either.

"Well how they won't leave their own group. When we were younger, Charles invited them to his birthday and they came, but after a while they stopped. They only talked to the people in their families or their close friends," Clarissa told me. "I mean, we have our friends but we also talk to other people. They won't unless they have to."

I shrugged. "Maybe they just stick together because of what their families went through, and how people basically put them on a pedestal. I'd hate to be that famous. I hate when people notice when I do things as it is. Could you imagine having every relationship you have put in the Daily Prophet? A lot of people don't even want to be friends with them, they just want to say that know the Weasley's and Potter's."

"But everyone has known them forever now," Clarissa said. "The novelty sure has worn off don't you think? I mean, I don't care that they're famous. They didn't even do anything to get that fame. They were just born into that family."

"Just like I didn't do anything to get rich, but people label me as the rich girl anyway," I said. "I mean, I am not famous, but I do kind of get how they feel. I've never been taken seriously because of my family. Everyone thinks I am just some spoiled rich girl who wants to get by in life on her looks. Everyone thinks that the Weasley family are people who just want to get by on their fame. I bet they hate all the fame sometimes, and they wish people would leave them alone. They probably don't know who wants to be a true friend and who doesn't. Even if the novelty should have worn off by now, some people just want to be associated with the fame. Mum told me that for the longest time they didn't even tell the kids about it. They had to eventually because everyone kept staring. I think when Albus started his first year or something."

"Really?" Clarissa asked with surprise. "But how did they keep the secret for so long? I mean, I've known since I was maybe five. Didn't people say things to them in Primary school?"

"Harry Potter made sure that the teachers tried to keep it quiet. It's why we didn't learn much about the war in school. They taught us about You-Know-Who and everything, but they didn't say anything about who defeated him. We just know there were two major wars in the Wizarding World. I believe we actually learn more about it this year. I think we even learn about Godric's Hollow too," I explained.

"But what about the kids who learned at home?" Clarissa pressed on. "It was mum and dad who told us. I actually think it's because of Godric's Hollow that mum and dad told us."

"Any time there is a Potter or Weasley kid in a class, a letter is sent home to the parents telling them about Harry's wishes," I answered. "Parents are supposed to explain to their kids if they know to just let the Potter and Weasley kids be."

"Must be nice to have so much pull for your family," Clarissa said with a shrug. "Why wouldn't they just want them to know the truth? Isn't that like chasing them with a butterfly net? How do you know all that anyway?"

"Mum was a teacher remember? She taught some of them. But I can't blame Harry. If I end up being famous and I have kids, I'd want them to have a normal childhood too. That's all he is trying to do. He knew that eventually this would happen, and he wanted them to be normal kids for as long as they could," I answered.

I glanced at the clock to see that it was getting close to my curfew. I would have to get home soon. That was the only bad thing about baby-sitting the kids. I couldn't sleep over at Clarissa's whenever I wanted. She was starting to get jealous about this. She wanted to be in charge of Mickey and Elliot now. At first she didn't want any part of it. She liked her freedom, but after seeing me act as baby-sitter, she wanted it too.

"But you get to sleep in," I once pointed out to her. "I have to be awake by eight every morning. Hailey wakes up early, and sometimes William does too... not that it matters with the twins. They can get their own breakfast but still. Mum and dad prefer I be awake before they are. Sometimes William will sneak off to the pool or something."

Clarissa looked grumpy now when I pointed out the time to her.

"You write to Mackenzie about this weekend," I told her. "We'll hang out tomorrow. Maybe her and Charles can come over tomorrow too."

"Yes maybe," Clarissa said looking gloomy. "Talk to you tomorrow."

Summer was slowly coming to an end. I felt some sadness about this, but I was also looking forward to going back. I loved Hogwarts more than I loved the Primary school. It wasn't just the fact that we could do magic, I just loved that we had more freedom there. Mum and dad had been good about giving my more freedom that summer, but it wasn't the same as at Hogwarts. We could pretty much anywhere on the grounds or in the castle. There were no adults watching us in the common room. There were prefects, but as long as you weren't acting like an idiot, they left you alone.

I would miss the freedom of summer too though. I'd finished all my homework during my punishment, so I hadn't really thought much about school work all summer. I'd looked through my new text books to see what we'd be learning, but that was it. Otherwise, it was just baby-sitting but my brothers and Hailey did their own thing. I spent the summer hanging out with my best friends everyday, and getting paid for it. My brothers actually had to listen to me that summer. That was the best part about it. I could send them to their rooms if they annoyed me. They had actually behaved though. Usually Trevor or one of their other friends came over everyday, and they were busy. Hailey was busy with Elliot and Elaina all day.

I would miss them though. As much as they bothered me, especially William, I would miss him a lot. He teased me and came into my room when he wasn't supposed to, but he was my brother. We had our good moments as well. Cameron was different from William. He was usually helpful and more considerate. He didn't bug me as much as he used to. He had his moments, but for the most part we got along. Him and I had spent a lot of evenings together talking about first year that summer. Then there was Hailey. I loved my baby sister so much, and I hated being a part from her. Last year we had written to each other quite a bit. I hoped we would again this year.

One morning, Hayden did something that surprised me. He had quit his job for the remaining weeks of the summer, so he was usually around. Although he did promise he wouldn't interfere with my baby-sitting. At first I was bothered by him being home, but he kept his promise. There were some days when he didn't even get out of bed until noon! Sleeping in for me was ten at the latest. How did he sleep so late? I was glad though because he left me alone. Not one time did he try and step in to take charge. He spent most of his time with his friends and Michelle. I was surprised the one morning to see him awake around eight.

"Are you sick?" I asked him when he entered the kitchen.

"Let me help you make breakfast," he told me. "I'll teach you to make some hot breakfast. I bet your sick of cold cereal or whatever else you eat every morning."

"At least it isn't the extra healthy stuff mum sometimes makes," I said. "But sure. You got up early to teach me to make bacon and eggs? Mum was going to do that this summer, but she never got around to it."

"She didn't get a vacation this year either. I don't think they're taking their vacations until October or something," Hayden answered with a shrug. "That's not why I woke up early. I wanted to talk to you."

"About what?" I asked wearily.

Was he planning to lecture me about the upcoming school year? I watched as he started to pull out everything to make bacon and eggs. He handed me an egg to crack in a bowl. I think he wanted to make scrambled eggs.

"My birthday party," Hayden answered.

"I know, I know," I said quickly. "We're allowed to be there for the day party, but once all the grown ups go inside, we have to as well."

"No actually I am letting you come. You can invite Richard, Clarissa and Mackenzie as well," he answered.

I accidentally dropped an egg on the floor. I was shocked though. All summer he had made it clear to William, Cameron and me that we weren't going to his night party. Usually it was William who brought it up, and Hayden hadn't backed down on his decision. I quickly knelt down to clean up the egg. Why was he letting me go?

"There are conditions however," Hayden told me as took over putting eggs in the bowl.

"No drinking and no bugging you?" I asked him.

Eggs are very hard to clean up. I wished I could just do magic to clean it up.

Hayden raised his eyebrows at me.

"Well... pretty much yes. This is basically your probation party. If the four of you behave at this party then I'll let you come to more. All four of you have to behave though. If even one of you breaks the rules, all four of you have to leave, and you have to wait two years before you can come to one of my parties again," Hayden told me.

"Mum and dad wouldn't want me drinking and swimming," I pointed out to him. "Don't think for a moment they won't be checking up on you once and a while. They said they won't stay outside, but they'll be in the kitchen likely, and they will check up on the party sometimes. They know you and your friends will be drinking and they won't want something to happen when they're in charge. If they catch me or the others drinking, we will all be grounded until next year I bet."

"It's Clarissa I worry about the most," Hayden said.

"She'll behave," I said quickly. "But why did you change your mind? You were so insistent about us not going."

Hayden shrugged. "I decided to give you a chance after all. You're growing up."

I smiled at him. It was nice hearing him say that. It seemed odd that he had changed his mind, but I wasn't going to push it. I was just glad to be invited to a party for teenagers. Maybe he knew how much it bothered me that I couldn't go. He knew I wanted to be seen as a grown up and now a little girl anymore, so perhaps he was trying to prove it to me by letting me go to his party. I just finished cleaning up the egg as William stepped into the kitchen. He looked angry.

"Seriously?" He asked.

I wondered how long he had been listening in. I was surprised he was awake. Usually he and Cameron came down about nine-thirty or so. I had a feeling that when they were sixteen like Hayden, they wouldn't be awake until noon either.

"Seriously what?" Hayden asked him as he added milk to the eggs.

"Alyssa gets to go to your night party, but we don't?" He asked meaning himself and Cameron even though Cameron wasn't around.

"Yup," Hayden answered.

"I want to go too then," William said.

"You're ten, she is twelve," Hayden said. "When you're twelve you can come to one of my parties too."

"You'll be done school by then!" William said angrily.

"But I don't plan to move out as soon as I'm done school," Hayden said. "I'll probably be around for another year or two before I move out, unless I decide to travel."

"But you still won't be having parties like this. Everyone will be all grown up," William said.

"William, you're not coming to my party and that's final," Hayden said. "I am making an exception for your sister, but not you. You're ten."

"William, since you're up, you can start setting the table for everyone," I told him.

"No!" William said as he stomped his foot. "I don't want breakfast. I want to go to Hayden's party!"

"If you don't listen to your sister, I won't let you go to the day party either," Hayden said.

"I DON'T CARE!" William shouted. "I HATE YOU BOTH FOREVER!"

He turned and ran from the room. I felt intense guilt as I watched him go.

"Hayden, maybe I shouldn't go," I said. "It's just going to cause problems for the rest of the summer. I want to get along with the boys before I go. I don't want us fighting and I'm sure you don't want that either."

"He'll get over it Alyssa. He is being a brat like usual," Hayden said. "I invited you, and so you're going. He is ten. I don't want a ten-year-old at my party. I know I can trust you, but I can't trust him. I don't even think he took me seriously when I had a talk with him about being a bully."

"I think he is just feeling frustrated like I did," I said.

"Doesn't matter. He is ten. He is not going to a party for teenagers. You know your parents wouldn't want them there either. I already talked to them about you and your friends, and they were kind of hesitant about that, but they decided it would be fine," Hayden answered. "Don't miss out on something just because William is throwing a temper tantrum. I understand being frustrated too. I went through it too, but he isn't always going to get what he wants, just like you won't. There are just some things we have to say no to, and this is one of them," Hayden told me. "For you not to go will just say he is right, when he isn't."

"I guess you're right," I finally said. "I just know what it's like to feel frustrated like that. I don't blame you for not wanting him or Cameron there, and I am still surprised you are letting me go. I can just relate to him. It might make him feel better if I don't go."

"Alyssa, you can't miss out on something because your brother is being a brat. Like I said, all it will tell him is that he is right, and I'm not. You are giving him his own way by not going. Besides, I'll be honest with you. The reason why I am inviting you is because Michelle talked me into it. She told me the same thing you did. She wants you and Clarissa involved because she knows how good it feels for the older kids to invite you to hang out. I know she is right, and I am making an exception for you because you're going to be a teenager in less than a year. I also remember what it was like being twelve, and wanting to be involved with the older kids in the common room. So that's why I decided to give you this chance. The invitation does not extend to ten-year-olds. There is no way I'd let you go when you were their age."

I grinned at him. "Ah well if Michelle wants it, I see why you want me there so bad," I said and he rolled his eyes.

"Shut up," he said with a grin. "She reminded me how good it felt when we let her and Charles hang out with us when we went to Niagara Falls and Tobermory for Ashley's birthday. I remember how excited they both were."

We couldn't really talk for much longer because Hailey entered the kitchen to tell us that she was hungry. So we both hurried breakfast along. The cooking lesson seemed to be over by that point, but I hoped we would do it again the next day.

William was very angry. Cameron was annoyed as well, but when I sat down to explain it to him, he seemed to accept it. He knew that it was true that this was my first teen party with Hayden. Before this year, I'd always been lumped in with the kids. He accepted without argument, but William wouldn't let it go.

"You never want to hang out with me!" William said to Hayden furiously at dinner.

"We can spend another night together," Hayden told him. "We'll spend some time in Diagon Alley if you want, but I wouldn't be hanging out with you at my party anyway. I'm not hanging out with Alyssa. I already told her to stick with her friends."

"We wouldn't want you there anyway," mum told him. "Ten-year-olds do not need to be at a party for teenagers."

"So basically Alyssa gets rewarded but I don't," William said.

"Rewarded?" I asked. "What are you on about? Hayden decided to let me go because he thinks I am grown up enough, but if we're bad at his party, he won't ever let us go again. It's basically my first and last chance to prove myself. When you're twelve you'll get the same chance as me."

"I'm not talking about that!" William said. "It's so unfair that we never get to do anything, but you do. When you are bad, you get rewarded."

"I've never been rewarded when I am bad," I told him still unsure of what he was talking about. This was a trial run for me and he was doing it to impress his crush. Michelle wanted Clarissa there because she was frustrated lately.

In fact, right after our conversation at her place, Michelle convinced her mother to let her baby-sit. So she now baby-sat Mickey and Elliot now. I could see that my friend was a lot happier with the responsibility. Apparently Hayden had convinced Michelle to quit baby-sitting for the last few weeks so they could hang out. She'd instantly thought of Clarissa to take over for her. So she'd worked it out with her mother, and I could see the happiness in my friend. I found out that day from Clarissa that Michelle had done it as a self-esteem boost for her little sister as well as to let herself have a break.

So I couldn't figure out what it was that William was talking about. If Michelle hadn't talked him into it, I would likely be over at Clarissa's with Mackenzie or we'd be at my place and watching the party from my window.

"You were a bitch to mum and dad and then suddenly you're allowed to baby-sit and everything else," William told me.

I felt my face go red when he said. I still felt terrible about that. Mum and dad hadn't rewarded me with baby-sitting. They'd made me stay in my room for the whole weekend. They let me baby-sit because I explained my frustrations about why I had lashed out. It wasn't a reward for what I'd done. It was because they realized that I wanted more responsibility like Hayden had at my age.

"That's enough William!" Dad said angrily. "You do not use that word, and Alyssa has apologized. She knows she shouldn't have said that, and she doesn't need us to keep bringing it up. She was punished for that."

"I never get to do anything!" William said angrily. "I always get left out. Even when Alyssa was nine or ten she got to do more than I do. Any time I talk about it, I get punished or you tell me to wait until I am bigger. I am tired of being treated like a little kid. Sometimes Cameron gets to do more than me and we're the same age!"

"You're acting like a little kid right now William," mum told him. "Give us a reason to trust you and maybe you'll get more privileges. For now, after dinner you can sit and your room and think about why you don't get to do the things you want to do. That being said, even if you were a very good boy everyday, we still wouldn't want you at Hayden's birthday party. Alyssa is at the cut off age."

William stared at me angrily. Suddenly without warning, my glass of pumpkin juice raised up from the table really quickly I was drenched in the sticky liquid. I stared at my brother with shock. He didn't stop there. My plate fell into my lap. I jumped up with shock.

"WILLIAM!" Dad yelled. "Go to your room right now! You know that you don't use your magic against your siblings. Go up to your room and I'll deal with you later."

Mum rushed over to see if I was okay. Once she knew I was fine, she took out her wand and used it to clean me up. She did a good job for the most part, but I could still smell it on me. I would have to shower and change anyway. I couldn't believe he had actually used magic against me. Mum hugged me afterwards, and I knew it was because she knew how guilty I was feeling at the moment. I was sure she had felt worse when I had done the same to her. I wished I could take it back, and it didn't feel good to have someone do something similar to you.

As annoyed as I was with my little brother, I wanted to talk to him. He was obviously lashing out because he wanted more responsibilities. He had to understand that acting out wasn't the way. What he had done tonight wasn't nearly as bad as when I did, and I didn't want to see him go down that road. I didn't want to see him act out even worse. I just didn't know if he would take me seriously. He hadn't when Hayden had talked to him about his bullying.

I waited until after I'd showered and changed before I went into his room. He was lying on his bed and staring at the ceiling when I entered. He looked as if he had been crying and I wondered if dad had spanked him. I knew my parents didn't like doing that when we were this age. They didn't like it at all, but they would him when he was little and he would use magic against us.

"What do you want?" He asked when I sat on the edge of his bed.

"To talk to you," I said. "You can't keep pulling this kind of stuff William. Mum and dad will never trust you if you keep it up."

"They let you baby-sit and what you said is ten times worse than what I said," William said.

"You're right about that, and I feel guilty about it every single day. I was so angry at the time and I lashed out on mum and dad when I shouldn't have. They didn't reward me with the baby-sitting. I explained to mum and dad why I was so angry. They decided to let me baby-sit only because they realized I was right about being old enough to," I explained. "Is that why you lashed out tonight? Did you think if you said and did those things mum and dad would let you go to Hayden's party?"

"No, I already know their minds are made up about that and so is Hayden's," William said. "I'm just so angry. Maybe they didn't reward you with the baby-sitting, but after that weekend you were allowed to do more."

"Because mum and dad realized they were still treating me like a little kid. No one was rewarding me for being a bitch. I should never have said that and I'll feel guilty forever for it. But William, you can't act out and think you're going to get rewarded. The only reason mum and dad took me seriously was because I actually sat down and talked to them about how I felt," I said.

"I didn't do or say that stuff because I thought I'd get rewarded. I did it because I was very angry," William said. "I didn't think about it. I just said it and then I wanted to throw the food and drink at you."

"It's not my fault that Hayden is letting me go," I told him. "It's not fair for you to take it out on me just like it was horrible for me to take it out on mum and dad."

"I didn't want to take it out on Hayden or mum and dad," William told me. "If it was Cameron getting to go instead I would have done it to him. I have done it to him."

"But that's not right William," I said. "Look, no one is going to take you seriously when you act like that. Mum and dad told me that it was hard for them to take me seriously when I was acting like a brat at the beginning of the summer. You're doing the same thing that I was doing. It's not a good idea to act out when we're frustrated. All the grown ups will just see us as spoiled brats. I hate being thought of as a brat, and I know you do too. It's why I talked to mum and dad about how I felt. I even talked to Hayden about it too. I was so tired of being treated like a kid. If you want the same, you have to talk to them too."

"It's hard not to feel angry though," William told me. "Even Cameron gets to do more than me. He's my twin!"

"Because he has proven himself," I said and I quickly explained what mum had told me about how he hadn't taken his responsibilities seriously the year before. "I mean, you and Cameron are the same age but technically you are the big brother. You're the oldest when we're not here. So you should be looking out for them."

William obviously wasn't that much older than Cameron. They were born the same day, and within the same hour. I knew seven minutes or so wasn't that significant, but I was hoping to hit home. William liked to use that information over his twin at times. But now perhaps I could get him to use it to be more responsible.

"You know that Cameron doesn't take that seriously," William told me. "We're the same age."

"I'm not saying you should use it to tell him what to do. Big brothers and sisters also look out for each other. You look out for Hailey, but you could do the same for your brother too. Hayden has always looked out for us, and when we get along I try to look out for you. It's why I am in here talking to you right now. I don't want you in trouble all the time," I said.

"I just want everyone to take me more seriously," William said. "No one ever does. I just get yelled at all the time. Hayden always promises to spend more time with me but he doesn't. Now I am grounded."

"It can't be longer than my grounding," I said with shock.

"I used magic against you," William said. "Dad was more angry about that than what I said. If I hadn't done that, I would have just been grounded for tomorrow. You know how they feel when I use magic to hurt you two."

"Dad didn't spank you did he?" I asked.

William shook his head. "No, he said he should, but he didn't. He said I am too old, but if I do it again, he might not have a choice. He just said he was very disappointed in me, and he said that mum and dad haven't been happy with me for a while. They said that they're tired of my attitude. But Alyssa, I just feel frustrated all the time. I feel like you did, but it won't change because I am ten. I'm not old enough to baby-sit or do the things you can do."

"In two years you can," I said. "William I think you should talk to mum, dad and Hayden about how you're feeling, but without getting angry. You should also try to be more responsible. Don't forget Hailey or anything like that. Maybe start doing chores without being asked to. So far you've made them think they can't trust you, but now you need to prove yourself. I had to do the same thing."

"Maybe," William said. "Alyssa, I am sorry what I said to you. I know you feel guilty, and I shouldn't have thrown the pumpkin juice and the food at you. I just felt so angry. I know it's not your fault that Hayden is letting you go and not me."

"Your time will come William. I had to pay my dues, and so do you and Cameron. Hailey will have to wait the longest out of all of us," I told.

"Except she got to know what happened early. Cameron and I had to wait until we were ten," William answered.

"But you know why mum and dad did that. They weren't making you wait. Mum just wanted to wait until she told the story again so that she only had to tell it once more," I said. "That wasn't anything against you."

"I know," William answered. "You really think if I talk to mum and dad they'll let me do more?"

"Whatever is age appropriate," I answered. "It worked for me, and what I did was worse."

William nodded. "I'll talk to them tomorrow. Thank you Alyssa. I thought when you came in here, I thought you were going to make fun of me."

"Why would I do that?" I asked him.

"You sometimes do, and I do it to you," he replied.

"Well not this time," I said. "This time I am being your big sister. You should remember this moment the next time you want to tease me," I added with a grin.

"I'm probably not going to stop that," he told me. "It's too much fun to stop and plus I have to make up for it when you're in school."

"I wouldn't want things to be any different," I told him.

And when I thought about it later on, I realized it was true. William could be a pest for sure. He annoyed me, and sometimes all I wanted to do was avoid him. However, I would miss it as well if we stopped. The two of us could have fun at times. As odd as it sounded, I missed his teasing when I was at school, even if I got sick of it at home. It was just the way things were. He'd been doing it for as long as I could remember. Cameron did it too, but not as much as William.

I wasn't sure if William talked to mum and dad or not, but he seemed much happier after his punishment. Hayden also started to invite the boys to hang out with him at home, or he even took them to Diagon Alley a few times for lunch. I joined them once, but I knew that it was mainly a boys day out thing, so I stayed out of it. It seemed to work out, both boys were a lot happier than they had been only a few weeks ago. I guess we just had to learn to speak up more when we weren't happy about something.

I was excited for the day of Hayden's birthday party. For the first time I was going to be allowed to be involved. For the past five or so years, either he had the party just for him and his friends or if he did have a party it was similar to today's party. He had a day party for everyone, and then a night party just for his friends. Usually he divided up the family parties and his friends parties. For once, I was going to be one of the big kids, and it felt good.

Clarissa, Mackenzie and Richard were going to sleep-over at my place too. We had debated on staying over at Clarissa's or my place, but in the end we decided it was best to stay at mine. Richard could sleep in the guest room while the girls would stay in my room.

"Mum almost didn't let me come you know," Richard said. "She said I could stay for the day party but for the night one."

"What changed her mind?" Mackenzie asked. "I thought she was getting better about that."

"Dad," Richard said. "He told mum that I'd be fine. Her and me have been arguing a lot this summer. Diagon Alley was one thing because mum really didn't want to go, a party is different. She is still treating me like a kid," and before I could open my mouth and ask him if he sat down and talked with her, he looked at me. I kept him up to date on everything even if we didn't see each other everyday. So he knew about William. "And yes Alyssa, I have talked to her. She doesn't listen, she just gets defensive. She stands by the: 'I'm the mother and I said so,' line. Even when I sat down and told her exactly how I feel. She's worse than she was a few years ago when she was anxious about Dakota all the time. It's like she just hates me."

"I doubt she hates you," Mackenzie said.

"I know she doesn't, but she just acts like she does," Richard said. "It's always dad sticking up for me, and she gets angry. Last week she actually told me that I was putting a wedge in her marriage. You know, I know I am not innocent in all this, but she is always on my case. I do my best not to back talk her. Dad says that is what makes her angry, but when she gets angry over stupid things, it's hard not to. I've had my homework done for weeks, and she didn't believe me. She went through every essay and nitpicked at everything, and made me re-write a few. I've always gotten good marks on my essays."

"You're like the top of the year," Clarissa said with nod.

"And it's not good enough for mum," Richard said. "Nothing I say or do is good enough. I can't stand being at home. A lot of this summer I've spent it at Uncle Barry's. I wanted to stay here too, but mum seemed against it for some reason. Sometimes I stayed at my Uncle Greg's too."

"I just can't believe she said that you are putting a wedge in her marriage," I said. "Dad and William were having problems this summer, and sometimes mum and dad fought about it, but dad would never say that to my mum."

"Well you know you have a room at my place too," Mackenzie told him. "In fact, I think my mum and dad kind of expect it. That's why one of our guest rooms is just all boyish and Ravenclaw. They set it up for you. They set it up like that for you after you stayed at our place for a long time a few years ago."

"You're welcome to stay here too, even if your mum says no," I said. "You know my parents will always let anyone stay here who needs to."

"And Grandma and Grandpa Hoofers too," Mackenzie added. "They have three extra rooms and they always take in kids too."

"I know," Richard said. "If things get worse, I may have to do that. Maybe once I am back at school, she'll ease off a bit."

I looked at Mackenzie. I had my doubts about that one, and by the look she was giving me, I figured she was thinking the same. Richard had said the same exact thing last year, and it seemed she was worse this summer. She was almost as bad as when he practically lived at our place a few years ago, but that was because she was anxious about Dakota. I didn't know what her problem was this time. Both Anthony and Dakota were very healthy.

"Anyway, this is supposed to be a party," Richard said. "Let's not talk about my problems right now. It's quite the turn out isn't it?"

He was right about that. It was if my parents had invited everyone they had ever associated with to that party, the ones they got along with anyway. All their kids were there. Even my Aunt Jaime was there, and she never came to our birthday parties. Usually she had a visit with us, but that was it. If my parents weren't so angry with Hayden's mum, I wouldn't have been surprised if for some reason she was there. It had been years since I'd seen our deck this crowded.

"I guess they really wanted to give him a good party," I said. "You only turn seventeen once. I bet they'll do this for me too."

"Oh you know they will," Clarissa said. "Your party will probably be even bigger!"

It was hard for us to even get near Hayden. All the adults surrounded him, and so did some of the littler kids. Not even his friends could get near him. I didn't mind too much. I was sure I'd get my moment with him. I figured it was best to let everyone else celebrate with him, particularly William and Cameron who were trying their best to even sit at the same table as him. I smirked as I watched Michelle rush over to get a seat next to him. How could he not tell that she liked him too? I wanted to do something to help them along. It was just so obvious. I wanted to point this out to Clarissa, but I'd promised Hayden, so I didn't say a word.

My favourite part of the day came when the adults finally went around to let everyone know that the day party was over. Most of the adults were leaving, but I knew some where staying to hang out inside for a bit. However, any kid who was twelve and older was allowed to stay outside. It wasn't just because I was considered one of the big kids, but because it was just too crowded, even for our backyard. I was amazed to see that the boys didn't put up a fuss. I knew William was okay now, but I still expected him to put up somewhat of a fight. However, he went inside without argument.

"Finally," I said to Mackenzie who was standing beside me. She was staring at Clarissa who was with Charles. "Now the real party starts."

"Does Clarissa like my brother?" Mackenzie asked seeming to ignore what I'd just said.

She hadn't told me not to tell Mackenzie, or anyone else. So I didn't see what the harm would be in telling her the truth. I was sure that Mackenzie must of noticed before that day anyway. So I nodded.

"I thought so," Mackenzie said. "She really shouldn't."

"Why? She'd be good for your brother don't you think?" I asked. "At least you know it's one of your best friends."

"Because my brother isn't good to girls," Mackenzie said. "Haven't you heard the stories? He dates them and then dumps them when he gets what he wants from them."

"Wait," I said wondering if she was saying what I thought she was saying. Charles was fourteen like Michelle. He couldn't have had sex already. "Are you saying he shags them and then dumps them?"

"I don't think he's gone all the way yet, but there are other things you can do besides sex," Mackenzie said. "Things that are just almost as intimate if you know what I mean."

I think I did, and I made a face at that.

"Ew," I said. "Why would anyone want to do that anyway."

"It's not gross Alyssa," Mackenzie said. "It's part of being in a physical relationship, but I just think you should be more grown up. I also don't think it should be casual. Anyway, as soon as he gets girls to do it, he breaks up with them. I just don't want to see Clarissa get hurt."

"Maybe she won't want to do it," I said and I disagreed that it wasn't gross.

This was the first time I'd ever talked about any kind of physical intimacy with my friends. But then again, I'd only found out about that stuff not too long ago. When I was younger, I'd just thought there was kissing and shagging. I didn't know much else about it. However, books, the telly and school friends had revealed more to me about physical relationships. It made me uncomfortable to think about, and I felt odd talking about it.

"Doesn't matter, he'd just dump her," Mackenzie said. "I'll talk to her later about that. They won't do anything stupid tonight. I'll let her have her fun for now but her and me will have to talk later."

"Let's just swim for now," I said. "I wish we could have invited some cute boys as well. I am glad that Hayden let us come, but most of these boys are too old."

"Not Kevin," Mackenzie said as she pulled off the summer dress she was wearing. She stepped out of her flip flops.

I hadn't really noticed that Mackenzie had grown that summer, but I took it in now. Her family had gone to our summer house for a week not too long ago, and she was still sporting a dark tan from it. She looked so gorgeous. She had gotten some blond high lights some time that summer, but I hadn't noticed. Mackenzie's beauty wasn't one I'd really paid attention to before. It was usually just Clarissa's. Despite the fact that Clarissa was the shortest of us, Mackenzie had always had a baby face. She'd always looked much younger, but at some point during that summer, things had changed. She definitely looked more grown up. How could a few months change someone so much? Was it because I didn't see her everyday like I did Clarissa?

"What?" Mackenzie asked and I realized I was staring.

"You've gotten really beautiful," I answered honestly. "I mean, you've always been cute, but you just look so different now. You're all tan and the highlight suit you. I just didn't notice until now how grown up you look."

Mackenzie smiled. "Grandmum Hoofer said the same thing. Actually, a lot of people have said that to me lately. It makes me think I was ugly before or something."

"You've never been ugly," I said. "You just don't look like a kid anymore."

"Same with you," Mackenzie told me. "Are you ever going to stop growing? If you're this tall now, how tall are you going to be at Hayden's age? Anyway, let's swim Alyssa."

She turned and ran to jump into the pool. I stared after her a moment before I too pulled off my dress. I walked over to the pool and then sat down on the edge. Mackenzie had already joined Kevin, one of Charles friends. She was splashing him. I didn't have any boy to flirt with. Either they were my cousins or they were too old.

"Why all by your lonesome?" Someone asked as he sat beside me. I looked over to see that it was Andrew, Hayden's best friend.

"I just didn't want to swim yet," I told him. "Why aren't you with Hayden?"

"He's mingling at the moment," Andrew told me and he nodded over to where Hayden was surrounded by some girls. I looked around for Michelle. I wondered if she was feeling jealous by this. She was in the pool and talking to some of her girl friends. "I figured I'd let him. I'm surprised he let you come. He wanted this night to just be carefree fun. He didn't want to worry about you lot drinking."

"We're not going to drink, and he doesn't have to look out for us," I answered. "I'd like to be invited to one of his parties again. If we drink, then we won't be allowed again. He is basically testing us tonight."

"But why did he let you come?" Andrew asked.

"Why do you care?" I asked wondering if maybe the sixth years didn't actually want some second years there.

"I'm just curious," Andrew said with a smile. "Sorry, I didn't mean to come off as a git. It's just Hayden has always been insistent on not letting you and the others at his parties, but especially this one. We had this discussion close to the beginning of the summer. We'd asked him about it, and he got defensive about it."

"Michelle convinced him," I answered. "She told him that it felt good when the older kids included you once you reached a certain age. She figured that since we're twelve now, we're old enough and we'd appreciate it."

"That explains it then," Andrew replied. "And yet he isn't even paying attention to her."

"He doesn't want anyone to know though," I said. "They've hung out almost everyday since they quit."

"I know," Andrew said. "But Hayden takes forever to do anything. Look how long it took with Cynthia. He could be out of school by the time he does anything about Michelle."

"He said he might for your first Hogsmeade weekend," I answered. "I just wish I could do something. I know she wants him and he wants her, but he doesn't want me to tell her. It's so obvious though."

"Oh I know," Andrew said and then he smirked at me. "I can't believe I'm actually having this conversation with you."

"Why?" I asked.

"You've always just been so childish... well, because you were a child. I still remember reading you bed time stories. Now we're sitting here and discussing Hayden's love life as if you're sixteen."

"You knew about relationships at my age," I said. "You don't have to be sixteen to know about relationships."

"I know, it's not that. It's just hard not to see you as a little girl anymore, even if I have heard about the things you were up to in school, or the fact that you're freakishly tall for your age," he answered.

"Flattering," I said to him. "Are people ever going to stop being surprised that I'm older?"

"Nope," Andrew answered quickly. "Not until you're an adult anyway. I still get that and so does Hayden. I admit it's annoying when people do it to me, but I also understand where they're coming from. I look at you and the twins, and I find it odd. Even with Hailey it's odd. I remember when you were her age and you came to Hogwarts."

"So is that why you're bothering me about my age instead of standing with your best friend, who is surrounded by beautiful girls?" I asked him.

"I haven't had the chance to talk to him most of the day," Andrew said. "I just wanted to know why he invited you lot as well. So why aren't you swimming with them. Why are you all by yourself?"

"I was going to join them eventually," I told him. "Mackenzie is busy flirting with Kevin and Clarissa is flirting with Charles."

"Isn't that her cousin?" Andrew asked as he made a face at them.

"No, he's my cousin and Mackenzie's cousin," I told him. "Clarissa isn't related to us."

"Oh right, I can never keep track of Hayden's crazy family," Andrew said and then he stretched and stood up. "Well, have fun Alyssa. I'm going to take some shots with Craig, and then we're going to set up the fireworks. Don't sit here all by yourself all day. Enjoy it while you can."

He walked off and I watched him go. He was actually quite cute. I'd known him for as long as I could remember. I'd never really given him much of a thought besides him being Hayden's best friend. It was true that he would read my bedtime stories. Whenever I tried to play with them, Hayden would tell me to go away, but Andrew would stick up for me. When it was time for me to go to bed, he would volunteer to read to me.

Was it wrong that I was noticing how attractive he was even if he was too old? Was it bad that I had those thoughts? Were girls my age supposed to notice sixteen-year-old boys? What would Hayden think if he knew that I was having these thoughts? I sighed and focused on Clarissa. She had not left Charles side, but he seemed more than happy to let her hang off him. Why couldn't I have what Mackenzie and Kevin had? Why did I have to have strange thoughts about a boy I shouldn't be having thoughts for. I let out a sigh and kicked at the water. I wasn't having as much fun as I thought I would. I hadn't expected the girls to ignore me for the boys, and I didn't even know where Richard had gone.

As the evening wore on, I started to have more fun. Some of the older kids talked to me more, and Clarissa and Mackenzie finally left their crushes sides to keep my company. Richard had disappeared to talk to my mum for some reason, but he had joined us eventually. I still had the odd lonely feeling even though I was surrounded by my friends.

I thought about some of my mothers stories from when she was in school. She'd told me how she'd felt left out at times because they'd always had relationships. Mackenzie, Clarissa and me had our made our pact when it came to liking the same boy. Perhaps we should have made a pact about what we'd do if we did get in relationships so no one felt left out. Of course neither were dating the boys they wanted, but they had forgotten about me to flirt with them. Would that happen more often? Would I do that to them? What if Clarissa dated Charles and Mackenzie dated Kevin? Would I feel the way my mum had felt? Would I eventually want intimacy so bad that I'd do something I'd regret?

"You're quiet," Richard observed.

"I was just thinking," I answered.

"And it hurts your head?" Richard asked me.

"Shut up," I said but I was smiling.

"You are quiet," Mackenzie said. "I thought you'd be happy. We're finally at a teen party! We've wanted to be at one of Hayden's parties since we were little."

"I am happy," I said.

"Do you wish we could do shots? I wish we could do shots," Clarissa said.

"No. It's not a good idea to drink and swim anyway. I don't even think some of these people should be drinking and swimming even if they're older," I said.

"There's enough people around to notice if something bad happens," Richard told me. "So why so quiet?"

That was the problem with my friends and family. It wasn't a bad thing that they noticed something could be wrong, but sometimes it was hard to keep private thoughts private. Someone could usually tell something was wrong, and they usually pressed until you revealed your thoughts. Could I tell them about my thoughts about Andrew? Could I tell them that I'd felt left out? I probably could, but was this really the time?

"Later," I finally said. There really was no point in keeping it from them. It was just petty thoughts anyway.

The party slowly grew loud as more of the big kids drank. I could see the adults coming out more and more to check up on us. I was shocked by the amount of some of the shots some of them could do. The boys had a table where they had lined up some shot glasses. One boy was acting bar tender as he poured shots and then cleaned the glasses. I was assuming he must have been a seventh year if he could do magic.

My friends and I stayed to one corner of the pool, laughing and talking. I'd decided to push away my thoughts for the time being. It was a party after all. I didn't want my friends to worry about me. So I joined in on their conversations and laughed when they told jokes, or laughed at the older kids who were making fools of themselves. Some of them were setting off firecrackers. I believed it was likely Andrew and Craig who were doing this.

And then I spotted someone who shouldn't have been there. Cynthia crossed the patio wearing a tight and short dress. Her eyes were on Hayden. I poked Clarissa and pointed this out, who then pointed it out to Mackenzie and Richard. None of us spoke as she walked straight over to a very drunk Hayden. I think everyone else was shocked as well because no one moved. It grew quiet as she got closer. Once she reached Hayden, she wrapped her arms around him and kissed him. I felt anger as he kissed her back.

"No!" Clarissa said.

But it was as if he came to his senses, because he suddenly shoved her away. Something else caught my eye at that moment. Michelle was pulling on her dress. She must have saw the kiss as well, and she looked wet, so she must have just gotten out of the pool. I'd stop paying attention to her long ago. I knew Hayden didn't want me to interfere, but I had to. Without a word to my friends, I swam to a ladder to climb out.

Hayden was glaring at Cynthia as I approached him. He had blood shot eyes and he kind of swayed on the spot as a boy named Marco pulled him back.

"I told you not to come here," Hayden told Cynthia. "Go away!"

"You kissed me!" She said. "You obviously still love me."

"I'm drunk. If Marco had snogged me, I'd probably do it back. It was a mistake!" Hayden said.

"Hayden," I began when I reached them.

"Not now Alyssa," Hayden slurred. "This isn't the time."

"This is the time," I insisted and I pointed out to where Michelle had taken off to. "You need to go to Michelle right now. She saw."

Without another word, Hayden pushed Marco away. He walked off the patio and headed out to where Michelle was. She'd gone to sit by the pond. I was sure she was crying, and I felt terrible for her.

"What's going on Alyssa?" Minnie asked as she hurried to my side and then she saw Cynthia. I guessed she hasn't seen the kiss. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to see my boyfriend on his birthday," Cynthia answered.

"He's not your boyfriend," I said quickly. "You shouldn't be here."

"Shut up," Cynthia said to me and I was shocked. She has never talked to me like that before."

"Don't tell her to shut up," Minnie said. "You shouldn't be here. Hayden is not your boyfriend anymore, and he doesn't want you here. Don't you dare ruin his seventeenth birthday."

"I just want to talk to him," Cynthia said. "He ended things so quickly. I was hoping since our break up he had cooled down a bit. He did kiss me back after all."

"Because he is drunk," I answered. "He didn't mean to. Besides, it's not you he wants anymore anyway."

I glanced over at Michelle. Hayden was beside her now, and I noticed that they were kissing. More fireworks were going off, and I wondered if Craig and Andrew were doing that on purpose. Cynthia let out a gasp.

"Oh hell no," she said and made to walk over to them, but Minnie grabbed her arm.

"Let go!" She said angrily.

"No! Leave Hayden alone. Get a clue Cynthia. He's kissing another girl. He broke up with you, now go!"

One of Cynthia's friends shoved Minnie away. Clarissa hurried over to join us. She looked angry, her focus was on Cynthia. I believed she was ready to take on the older girl. I didn't know if she knew how Michelle felt, but I knew she wouldn't want Michelle and Hayden interrupted. The fireworks stopped as Andrew, Craig and Marco joined us as well.

"It's time you leave," Andrew told her.

"Get the hell out of my way!" She shouted.

There was a scuffle, and Cynthia and her friends managed to get away from us. One of them nearly shoved Clarissa back into the pool, but I managed to grab her arm in time. Minnie, Andrew and Craig were already giving them chase, but Clarissa and I joined them as soon as she caught her balance. Cynthia was just shouting at Hayden when we reached them.

"Get off me!" Cynthia shouted at Minnie who was trying to pull her back.

"I'm sorry Hayden, we tried to stop her," Minnie told him.

Hayden stood up rather quickly. He looked pissed, and the anger was all directed at Cynthia was he glared down at her. It was such a surprise to see him look at her that way. I thought it almost looked like hatred.

"I told you to leave already. I told you that I don't want to be with you," he told her firmly

"You want to be with a fourteen-year-old?" Cynthia demanded.

"Yes I do," Hayden said without hesitation. "I've had more fun with her this summer than I did the last year with you. I didn't have to deal with the jealousy or her trying to control me."

"She's too young for you," Cynthia insisted.

"No she's not. It's only two and a half years," I said as I stepped forward. I was not going to let this girl make either Michelle or Hayden feel that their relationship was wrong. There was nothing wrong with their age difference. You're not welcome here anymore," I added.

"Go away little girl," Cynthia said turning to me, but I stepped even closer to her. I wasn't that much shorter than her. I'd probably be taller than her someday. She couldn't call me a little girl anymore. She glared at me, but she couldn't intimidate me.

"This is my house. I want you to leave right now. Michelle is ten times better for Hayden then you. Now go," I told her as I glared back.

Michelle stood up and joined Hayden's side. Hayden glared at Cynthia defiantly, and then he wrapped an arm around Michelle and pulled her closer. Anyone could see the hurt in Cynthia's eyes, but I lost any sympathy for her as she slapped him. I felt intense rage. It was worse than the anger I'd felt at the beginning of the summer. It was worse than any kind of anger I could remember feeling in a long time. Without thinking about it, I punched Cynthia as hard as I could. She fell onto the ground.

"You don't ever hit my brother!" I screamed. "Leave immediately."

"We should go," one of Cynthia's friends said as she helped Cynthia up from the ground.

"You're a little bitch!" Cynthia shouted at me. She looked as if she were going to strike me back, but Minnie stepped in the way.

"Leave. Now," she told her. "You've done enough damage tonight. I don't appreciate you ruining my best friends birthday party or his new relationship."

Cynthia started to cry hard at that point. Her friends led her away. I watched them go as the others began to talk. I couldn't believe the amount of anger I'd felt. I'd never really been a violent person, not even with my brothers. I hadn't even thought about hitting her, I'd just done it because she'd hit Hayden. I was still shaking with the anger that I'd felt.

"Remind me never to piss you off," Craig said to me.

"Where did you learn to hit like that?" Hayden asked me. "I didn't know you could hit like that. If it had been any harder you would have knocked her out."

"I don't know," I answered with a shrug, my anger was slowly disappearing now. "I saw her hit you and I saw red. All I knew was that I wanted to hurt her back."

"I'm really sorry Hayden," Minnie said. "We did our best to keep her from coming over here. We told her that she had to leave, but she gave us the slip and came over anyway."

"It's not your fault," he told her. "She knew she wasn't welcome here. She shouldn't have come here in the first place."

"So when did this happen?" Craig asked. "Don't tell me that you two got together but you didn't tell us. You're such a secretive man Hoofer."

"It literally just happened," Hayden told him. "Michelle saw us kissing and I came out here to comfort her."

"I told you that she liked you," I said to Hayden just as Clarissa said: "Didn't I say he liked you back?"

We looked at each other in surprise.

"You knew?" We both asked at the same time.

"I guessed a while ago," I told her, "but I never said anything until a few weeks ago to Hayden. He told me not to tell anyone, not even you. I would have, but he didn't want anyone to know."

"I've always known Michelle liked Hayden but I just kept it to myself. This morning when she dressed up for this party, I asked. I told her he liked her back," Clarissa answered.

"And I told him she liked him back," I said.

"And we told him the same thing," Andrew said.

"So did I," Minnie said. "I could see it between you two for a while. Just like I could see it years ago with Cynthia and Hayden," and she smiled at Hayden. "You're not always the best at hiding your emotions you know."

Craig laughed. "Well why don't we leave the new couple alone and join the party again? You don't have an ex-boyfriend that is going to step in do you Michelle?"

Michelle just smiled and shook her head. I believed she was likely in shock by all this. I was just happy that it ended well for both of them. All I knew was that I'd never be able to forgive Cynthia for that slap, even if she apologized. I knew deep down that she was just hurting, but she had no right to hit Hayden. It was something I would never forget or forgive.

We all turned to leave the two of them all alone, but before I left, I gave Hayden the thumbs up before Clarissa and I ran back to the patio. Our parents were outside by that point. They were now sitting at one of the patio tables. I wondered if they had seen what had happened.

"That was brilliant!" Richard said once we joined him and Mackenzie.

"It really was," Mackenzie said. "I never knew you had it in you. I am never going to make you angry Alyssa."

"That's what Craig just said," I told her.

I glanced over at my parents. Had they seen me hit Cynthia? Were they angry with me? Would I be grounded for that. I was sure no matter the reason, they wouldn't want me hitting someone.

"They saw, but I don't think they're angry," Richard said as if reading my mind. "Your dad even said that he won't have to worry about some bloke messing with you."

"Did it hurt?" Mackenzie asked me. "I bet your hand hurts."

"Actually now that you say something, yes it does," I said.

I hadn't given it much thought, but my hand actually did hurt. I waved around a bit, and then mum called me over. Here comes the lecture. I thought to myself as I walked over to my parents.

"The four of you need to go in," mum told me when I approached. "We're going to let the party go on for a bit longer, but it's almost midnight. So let them know. You can stay up a little longer to talk if you want."

And that was it. She didn't say anything else about me hitting Cynthia. I didn't wait either. I hurried over to my friends to let them know what mum had said. I was kind of relieved in a way. I was tired and I knew a lot of people had seen me hit her. I had a feeling a lot of them wanted to talk to me about it, and I didn't want them to.

"Good, I'm tired," Mackenzie said. "And we need to talk."

Inside the kitchen was a mess. There were empty bottles on the counters, food and plates on any other available surface. I was glad that I wouldn't have to clean up that mess. I knew the backyard and the deck was likely even worse, it was just hard to see with all the people around. I was sure my mum and dad could clean it up quickly with their wands, unless they made Hayden his friends clean it up tomorrow. Sometimes they did that when we had friends over.

I could see a mess throughout the downstairs as we headed to the stairs. I wondered if this was from my mum's guests, of if it was from Hayden's friends. I couldn't remember ever seeing the house this messy before.

The four of us entered my room to find William and Cameron sitting on my window seat. I was shocked to see them. It was past their bedtime, and they knew better than to come into my room.

"Alyssa!" William said excitedly as he jumped up. "That was a wicked punch. I can't believe you did that."

"I told William that he'd better watch out when he is teasing you now," Cameron said with a grin.

"But you would never hit me like that," William said. "I'm your brother."

"You'd better not test me," I said smiling at him, my annoyance leaving.

I understood now. They'd just wanted to watch the party and they couldn't from their rooms. I had the best view of the back yard. I could see the entire back yard, including the deck and pool. As much as I hated it when they came in here, I couldn't be angry this time. They both looked so happy, and I didn't want a fight either, especially after they complimented me.

"So what exactly happened? I saw Cynthia slap Hayden, and then you punched her. Why did she slap him?" William asked as he sat back down again.

I walked over to sit on the extra bed. We all had extra beds in our rooms, but usually I had the extra put away under my bed. Dad had designed it a few years ago so that it could pull out when I had guests over. I preferred this over having the extra bed because it made my room feel cluttered. Mackenzie and Clarissa joined me while Richard went to sit with the twins.

"I'm assuming you've been in here for most of the party," I began. "So you must have seen Hayden and Michelle kissing. Cynthia is angry because Hayden is with Michelle now."

Even at ten they had to understand this. I knew I would have understood.

William and Cameron looked at each other and then looked back at me.

"No we didn't see that. We were watched the deck. We saw a bunch of people run out to the pond. Hayden isn't with Cynthia anymore though. Why was she even here?" William asked.

"She gate crashed," Mackenzie told him. "She wasn't invited, but she came anyway. She kissed Hayden, and Michelle got upset so Hayden went after her. Cynthia saw them kissing, and she hit Hayden."

"But since when are they dating?" Cameron asked.

"It just happened," Clarissa said.

"Oh. I always liked Cynthia but I don't anymore," Cameron said.

"She shouldn't have hit Hayden," William added. "He is allowed to kiss Michelle. They aren't dating anymore. He isn't cheating so she can't hit him for a kiss."

"It's jealousy mate," Richard told him. "She wants him back, and she was angry to see him kissing another girl."

"Still shouldn't have hit him," Cameron said.

"Oh I agree with you," Richard said.

"But you're not going to get in trouble for that are you Alyssa?" William asked me. "She deserved it. Do mum and dad know? Is that why you're upstairs now?"

"Mum and dad seen me hit her, but they didn't say anything. They just wanted us to come inside now because it's almost midnight. Speaking of which, it's past your bedtime," I said.

I wasn't exactly kicking them out. They could stay longer if they wanted, but I believed that Mackenzie and Clarissa wanted to talk. I doubted mum and dad even cared that they were still awake. They had to be in bed by ten-thirty on weekends, but they could stay awake and read until they were tired enough. Sometimes they did make exceptions on certain weekends. Tonight was likely one of them.

"Mum and dad told us we could stay up tonight," Cameron said. "We can leave if you want. We're sorry we came in here. We didn't touch anything. We just wanted to watch the party. We were watching from Hailey's room but you can't see as well from there, and then she went to bed."

"It's fine," I told him. "Since you two were respectful tonight, you can sit in there for more parties. As long as you promise not to touch my stuff. If I come in here and I find out you two touched anything private, I will never let you in here again, even if I am in here. I am trusting you."

I figured I'd give them the same kind of deal Hayden had given me with his parties. The way their faces lit up told me that I had done the right thing.

"We promise we won't," William told me quickly.

"Right. We will just sit here and watch. We didn't even go in your loo when we had to go. We went to our own rooms!" Cameron added.

"Just remember you two can't come in here when I'm at school," I reminded them.

"Mum and dad lock yours and Hayden's room anyway," William informed me.

I did remember that. Ever since Hayden's first year they had done that.

"Let's get the two of you to bed now," Richard told the twins. "I'm sleeping in your room tonight William."

"Brilliant!" William said excitedly. "But I thought you were sleeping in one of the guest rooms?"

"Hayden's friends are taking those over," Richard said. "Charles is sleeping in Cameron's and I am sleeping in your room."

"I'll sleep in there too!" Cameron said excitedly. "And then more people can sleep in my room. Let's go."

I felt amused as the three of them left. Cameron and William both looked up to Richard so much.

"You handled that better than I thought you would," Clarissa told me as Richard shut the door behind him. "I figured you'd lose it when you saw them in here. I know Michelle would have."

"I was angry at first, but I understand why they were in here. I know they didn't snoop. They just wanted to watch the party," I said to her. "I remember doing the same thing at their age. Of course it was from my room, but still. It felt so good when Hayden told me I could come to his party, and I want them to feel that way too. You saw how happy they looked when I said they could watch parties in here. I just want us to get along for the last week of summer."

I went to be dresser to pull out a night gown, and then I went into the bathroom to have a quick shower. When I was done, it was to find that Clarissa and Mackenzie had done the same. They must have used the extra bathrooms. Clarissa was brushing Mackenzie's hair out for her when I came out.

"So what was with the mood earlier?" Mackenzie asked me as I climbed into my bed. "Something was bothering you."

"It was silly," I said but I explained everything to them. I told them everything from my loneliness to my odd thoughts about Andrew.

Clarissa giggled. "Alyssa, sometimes you can be such a child," she told me and I wondered if she meant my feelings about her and Mackenzie hanging out with the boys. I could admit those feelings were childish, but I felt offended that she could laugh about it. "It's perfectly normal to have those thoughts about boys, even if they are older. Look at all those girls who trip over themselves about Professor Martin? He's even older than our parents! I've had those thoughts about Hayden too. There is nothing wrong with it."

"I had a crush on Jake last year and he was our Head Boy. Remember that? He's too old, but it's okay to think they are cute," Mackenzie told me. "And we're sorry we made you feel lonely."

"You didn't make me feel lonely," I said. "It was silly to think that way. If I had a boy I liked who was my own age I bet I would have done the same thing too."

"Next time we'll make sure all of us have someone to hang out with," Clarissa told me. "We won't ditch you for boys again, and you can't ditch us either. We'll make sure we talk about it first before we do that."

"Speaking of which," Mackenzie said turning now to Clarissa. "You need to be careful with my brother. He uses girls."

"You don't want me to go for him?" Clarissa asked her looking worried.

"It's more like I don't want him going for you. I just don't want to see you get hurt. I know what he is like with girls. I'm just saying not to have high expectations with him. I know my brother and I know what he does with girls unfortunately," Mackenzie told her.

"I'll be fine," Clarissa told her. "I'm a big girl, and I'll remember what you said. We probably won't even see each other much once we go back to school anyway. Not unless we have those study sessions again, but Charles and Michelle really don't hang out anymore. I expect Michelle and Hayden will have private study sessions now anyway."

"Well maybe we'll meet new boys anyway," Mackenzie said as she flopped on her back. "We're second years now. I bet people will notice us more now that we're first years. There are probably some cute boys in the third and fourth years."

"Or the boys in our year might have even changed from immature prats," I added.

"Maybe," Clarissa said but she didn't look convinced, or perhaps her mind was still on Charles.

I decided it was time for us to go to sleep. Mackenzie and Clarissa were sharing the extra bed while I had my bed to myself. I climbed into bed wondering what it was like to want a boy as much as Clarissa wanted Charles. I'd never had a real crush, but as I dozed off, my mind returned to Andrew. I hoped I didn't have a crush on him. He was too old.


	7. Chapter 7

Hayden

It took me a while to work up the nerve to talk to Ashley and Ben about my mother. I was worried that they would be angry with me for spewing family secrets. I shouldn't have. How would Alyssa take it when she found out? Her and me had actually gotten close that summer. I was slowly starting to see her as a peer and not a little kid. Would our progress disappear overnight?

I waited until the last few weeks of summer. If they were angry with me, at least I'd only have to deal with it for the last bit of summer, and then I could escape to school. Although at Hogwarts there was likely going to be a new kind of drama. I knew for at least September people would be gossiping about the break up.

Finally though, one Sunday morning after I'd quit at the Leaky Cauldron, I went outside to sit with Ashley and Ben. Now that I wasn't working, I was taking advantage of the fact that I could sleep in late. Everyone had already eaten and they were up for the day. The kids were likely all at their friends while Ashley and Ben were enjoying coffee out on the patio.

"Hmm, it's almost noon and he is finally out of bed," Ben said jokingly when I sat down. "I certainly miss those days."

"Did you ever actually sleep in?" Ashley asked him. "I remember mornings when you'd up early just to do homework. You never took advantage of being a teenager who could sleep the day away."

"Oh I definitely had my moments," Ben assured her. "Remember that one week when mum had to wake all of us everyday? We likely got up about this time."

"I might as well," I said. "I doubt I'll get much sleep once school starts. I've heard NEWT year is complicated."

"The work is harder but you'll get more sleep than you did last year," Ben told me. "Unless you're like Ashley and take every class that you got an OWL in. Have you decided on that yet?"

"Probably just the core classes and Ancient Runes because it interests me. I'm still debating on Arithmancy. I'm dropping the rest. I have no use for History of Magic or Astronomy," I answered. "Minnie is going to keep all her classes likely," and then I sighed. I might as well do it now. "I need to talk to you both about something."

"What happened?" Ashley asked as if sensing something was wrong. Perhaps it was all over my face. My friends told me that a lot of the time I was unreadable, but often I wasn't. I figured at this moment everything was written on my face.

"Mum," I answered and then I told them everything. I braced myself for Ben to get angry with me for saying things about his daughter to a woman he hated. I knew Ashley would be angry too, but when it came to his daughters, Ben was very protective.

They surprised me however. They looked at each other and then at me.

"Rachel took advantage," Ashley finally said. "We're going to have to talk to her again. That is, unless you do want to see her."

"No," I answered quickly. "I want to see her even less now than before, and I don't want to live with her. I shouldn't have vented to her like that, but I was angry."

"We've had a feeling that something like this would happen," Ben told me. "Ever since you first wrote to her we had this feeling. She took advantage of the fact that you were venting about Alyssa, and she decided to turn it around on us. This isn't just about you. I believe she does want you there, and now that you're almost seventeen she doesn't have to fight for it if you want it. This is also a way for her to criticize the way we are as parents."

"Especially since she said that you escaped eight years of our influence," Ashley added. "She thinks she has found a way to have you in her life by pretending you're a foster kid or something."

"She gave me up when I was a little boy," I said. "You two took me in, and you are the two who I want to stay with. I haven't even decided if I want to write to her again. I already wrote back to let her know that I was not moving back in with her, but I don't know if I am going to write anymore letters. Why does she suddenly hate you two so much?"

That was something that seemed so strange to me. I knew my mum had always respected my parents. I remembered many things from when I was a boy, but I'd also heard a lot of stories from the adults in my life. My mum had basically acted as an older sister to Ashley and her sister. Once Ashley introduced her friends to my mum, she had looked out for them as well. She'd helped Ashley decorate her bedroom. She had named her my godmother. Even if she had planned to give me up, I was sure she was picky about who she'd give me to, even if I was magical. So why was she being so hateful now?

"I don't think she hates us," Ben said. "I honestly don't understand your mother's motives, but I just don't think it has to do with hate."

"But sometimes it seems she wants to turn me against you," I said.

"Rachel always looked out for me when I was kid, but she did like cause problems for other people," Ashley said. "Sometimes I think it stems from when her own mother did it to her. I honestly couldn't answer that question though Hayden. I think Ben is right, I don't think she hates us. I just worry sometimes about your sister."

So did I, but I decided not to admit that to them. I figured her and me would have to talk again soon, and I would ask her all my burning questions. I didn't want to ask her the questions through a letter. I wanted to see her face to face. I would be an adult by the wizarding world standards in a few weeks. I was not a vulnerable eight-year-old boy anymore. So I told both Ashley and Ben this. I prepared for them to tell me that under no circumstances would they allow this.

"Well we'd like to talk to her too," Ashley told me. "If you'd like to arrange a meeting to talk to her, you may. You're an adult now. We don't have to be with you, but I feel that Ben and I need to talk to her too. She is going against the agreement. I don't care if you're almost an adult. We told her when she gave you up that she couldn't try to take you back. This is just low. She took advantage of the fact that you were frustrated with your sister. I also don't appreciate the fact that she was insulting my daughter. Alyssa already feels horrible about that as it is. I don't want her to feel any worse. She apologized for it."

"I'm really sorry about that," I said. "I shouldn't have even told her anything about it at all."

Ben shrugged. "You were angry Hayden. You can't be blamed for her actions. You're sixteen and she's in her forties. She is the one who is at wrong here, not you. So don't feel guilty about it. I feel that she jumped at the opportunity to do this. You could have written anything to her and she likely would have done it."

I felt relieved that they weren't angry with me, but I still felt that I shouldn't have told her anything. Perhaps they were right that she would have taken the opportunity some other time, but it bothered me when I thought about how she felt the need to insult Alyssa and my parents. Ashley was right, Alyssa felt guilty enough as it was. It was something else to add to my list of regrets. I remembered the morning when I'd reassured Alyssa. I wished I could take my own advice.

"I think we'll talk to her when we drop you two off at Kings Cross," Ashley said. "We know she's going to show up and hide as usual. We always see her once the train leaves, so this time we'll talk to her. We haven't had to since your first year."

"Do you want to see her before you go back to school?" Ben asked me. "You could set it up in her town. I could take you over there. I know you want to talk to her alone, so I'll leave you two to talk, but I know how to get to her town and I imagine she'd want to meet you at the same place we met before."

I nodded. I did in fact want to talk to her. I just wasn't sure when I actually wanted to, but I didn't think it would be before school. I was still too angry with her, and I wanted to have a good summer. I had enough drama in my life at the moment. I didn't need it from my mother either.

"Not before school," I said. "Maybe over the Christmas holidays. I just want to enjoy the rest of this summer. Enough has been happening. I thought growing up meant that life would get easier, but things are just more complicated."

"Just wait until your our age," Ben said. "Wait until you have teenagers. Believe me, things don't get easier when you're an adult. I used to think the same thing when I was your age. I thought all my problems would be solved when I was an adult. I was very wrong about that."

"I knew I'd still have some stresses," I said to him.

I wasn't that naive after all. I'd grown up with Ben and Ashley and the stresses they had. I just hadn't expected it to be like this for me. When I was in the first and second year, I'd thought the sixth and seventh years had all the freedom and all the privileges. They didn't have to answer to anyone or have anyone watching their every move. I explained this quickly to them.

"We thought the same thing," Ashley said. "I remember being a second year and being so envious of the sixth and seventh years. I remember feeling that way about your mother too. When I was twelve she seemed as if she had the perfect life. She was twenty-two and her life consisted of partying and freedom except when she worked."

"Well that's what I was hoping for," I said noticing that she seemed uneasy to bring up mum. I knew it was going to happen though. My mum had been a big part of Ashley's childhood despite everything that had happened afterwards. Even as angry with as I was, she was still a part of my life. "I was hoping to have those carefree years of being grown up until I had real responsibilities. I guess I was wrong."

"Maybe not," Ben said quickly. "You're going to be seventeen. You're in the last two years of Hogwarts now. Just because things are complicated with Cynthia and your mother right now, it doesn't mean anything. Even with being in NEWT level, you might still have a carefree time. Real life doesn't start for you quite yet, and it doesn't even have to right after Hogwarts."

"Actually that is something I wanted to talk to you about," I said.

I'd mentioned a few times to the others that I wanted to live at home for a couple of years after Hogwarts. I just wasn't sure how Ashley and Ben felt about that. Sure they had travelled for six months or so after they left, but then they had started their lives right away. I didn't want to do that. I didn't mind working a bit, but I just wanted to relax after all the years of hard work I'd put in. It made me wonder how others would think as well. Would they see me as this spoiled rich kid who didn't want to work?

Ashley and Ben didn't say anything, so I continued.

"I don't want to move out or maybe even work right away after Hogwarts. I think I want to work in the Antidote Research eventually, but I know it's going to be hard work and shift work. I want to relax after I finish school before I do any of that," I told them.

"Hayden, we aren't going to kick you out the moment you finish school," Ashley said. "This is your home for as long as you want it to be."

"Even if I don't work as soon as I finish school?" I asked. "I know you won't ever kick me out. I just didn't know how you'd feel about me not working right away either. I just want a carefree time before I have to start real life. I just wonder if that makes me seem spoiled."

"Hayden, I honestly wish that I'd done that," Ben said. "Of course we travelled after Hogwarts, but then I threw myself into Healing and I had that breakdown. Antidote Research isn't quite as demanding as Healing, but I've heard of the hours in that department. I even actually considered transferring there when Healing didn't work out. Even when you aren't at work, you could be on call. If you want to spend a year or two just being a kid, go right ahead. I've watched you grow up, and you've always been a very hard-working young man. You've done well in school, you've basically been baby-sitting for us since you were eight and you've worked every summer."

"But I might not be bringing in money," I pressed.

"Look, I've never wanted you kids to rely on the fact that we have money. It's a lesson that William seems to need the most lately. You've proven since you were a small boy that you weren't going to rely on it. We took you in, and part of our money is your money. I am very glad that you can take a year or two off of school to relax because of our money. We have worked hard just so you kids could have a good life, and so that you could take a year off to do what you wanted," Ben said. "Travel if you want. Lay around and sleep until noon if you want."

"Really?" I asked with surprise.

"I just think if I'd given myself a break, I wouldn't have had that breakdown," Ben said. "I was twenty-four and while I loved Ashley, you and the kids, I felt that I was tied down already. I was working a job where I never had time to do anything, even see my family. Maybe if we'd spent more time travelling, or even relaxing, it wouldn't have happened. If you, or the other kids would like time to relax once you're done school, I am all for it."

I knew Ashley would likely be okay with it, but Ben could be very intense. I was very surprised that he had no problem having me do nothing right away after Hogwarts. Of course I wouldn't spend all the time just sleeping until noon as Ben had put it, but I did want at least a year or two to just do nothing before I settled into real life.

"If you don't mind watching Hailey after school, it could work," mum said. "Starting next year, she'll be the only kid at home. Usually the kids just go to Ellen's, or one of the other neighbours but she'll only be nine when you finish school. If you could stay at home with her for a few hours, that would be perfect."

"After watching these kids all these years, I think Hailey will be the easiest to look after," I said. "Honestly, even if the other parents want me to baby-sit I don't mind. All I want is just to live at home and relax before I start my real life. If it means baby-sitting all the kids in our neighbourhood, I'll do it."

"Well as we said, you are welcome to stay as long as you need to," Ashley said. "And if you need to take a year or two off, you do it. Even if you don't want to baby-sit, we're okay with it. It's just it will be a lot more help for us instead of sending Hailey to one of the neighbours."

"I'll always want to baby-sit Hailey," I said.

"Even on a Saturday night instead of a date?" Ben asked and winked.

I smiled back at him. "Well maybe not then. But you don't think it makes me seem spoiled or lazy?"

"No," Ashley said instantly. "Look, I didn't work as hard as Ben and I don't regret my life for a moment, but I could have used more time off as well. Instead, I was married and a mother at twenty. If you and the others don't want that, I don't blame you. Hayden, you have the rest of your life to work and settle down. I wish someone had told me the same thing when I was younger."

"Well, you two can retire early," I said smiling. "You had us all when you were young, and we'll all be gone in your forties."

"I don't want to think about that," Ben said quickly and smiled at me. "I'm still having a hard time accepting that you are starting sixth year and this time next year, we will be getting the twins ready for Hogwarts. In fact, you staying home and us spoiling you might make us feel young just because you haven't moved out."

"Hmm, maybe I'll do that until I am thirty then," I joked before winking at him.

"I think that one might be pressing your luck a little," Ashley said. "I think we may have to step in when it comes to that. I don't think too many girls will want a bloke who lives with his parents when he is thirty."

I smiled at her. I was just relieved that they were okay with my plans. I wondered how others in the family would think about it. The Hoofers were a family who always worked hard. What would they think about me staying at home and just relaxing? I asked this and Ben and Ashley shrugged and looked at each other.

"The only one who might say something is Brenda," Ashley said.

"But she can't really talk," Ben said. "She didn't want to move out until she was twenty-five. She wanted to wait until she had the trust fund. It's none of her or anyone elses business though. It's up to us, and neither of us care if you need a break when you're done school. I'm actually glad you are doing it. I'd rather you take a break now instead of having regrets when you're my age."

"With five kids?" I asked playfully. "One who is going to be seventeen by the end of the summer even though you two are only thirty-two?"

"Exactly," Ben said. "Does that mean you're carrying on the tradition of a big family?"

I gave a small shrug at that. I actually wasn't sure about that one. I loved having a big family, but sometimes I never had much privacy. If it wasn't my siblings bugging me, it was one of the many cousins. It was hard to have private thoughts at times with them, or even my friends. It was something I looked forward to when I took my time off. Aside from Hailey, I wouldn't have a bunch of people intruding, and she wouldn't intrude. I couldn't remember the last I'd actually had that luxury. It wasn't that I was complaining. I had a lot of people who cared for me at school and at home, but sometimes I just wanted to be left alone. If I broke up with a girlfriend two years from now, people probably wouldn't care as much as they do now.

"I don't know," I finally said. "I don't even know if I'll have kids."

That one was because I didn't know if I could be a good father. I was good with the younger kids and I had always watched out for them. However, being a parent and being a baby-sitter were completely different. What if I inherited my family curse? The curse from my real family. Mum had abandoned me, and apparently my real grandmother had basically abandoned her, and so had my great grandmother. What if abandoning your kids ran in the family? What if I had a kid and I decided I didn't want them anymore? I never wanted a kid to feel the way I had growing up, but maybe it was inevitable.

As if knowing what I was thinking, Ashley shook her head.

"You'll never be like your mum, Hayden," she said. "You'd never abandon you kids."

"You don't know that," I said. "Look at how often I want the younger kids to leave me alone."

"That's just being a brother," Ben said. "Barry wanted me to leave him alone but he is a good parent. Ellen hated it when Timmy tagged a long. I know you think because your mum abandoned you it's different, but it's not. Ellen's father ignored them for years, and she stepped up and she was a good mother to Michelle even before he came back into her life. She never wanted Michelle to feel that way, especially since she was just seventeen and a mum. The fact that you're scared to do it to your kids just proves you won't be like that. If you decide not to have kids, I hope it isn't because of what your mother did. You'll make a good father when you are ready. Not wanting the younger kids around means that you are just being a normal big brother, but we know you love them."

"I guess," I said not at all confident about that.

"It might actually help to talk to your mum, even if you won't want to right now," Ashley said. "Even with therapy, you still have anger towards her, especially right now. It's why I am going to talk to her. I'm still angry too. So when you are ready, I do think it might help to sit with her and talk to her instead of just writing. I do know that you are not your mother Hayden."

"Maybe even shortly after I go to school," I said. "You wouldn't mind that would you?"

"No," Ben said quickly. "It might be best for you two to finally sit and talk together. You're older and not as vulnerable as you were at eight or even twelve."

I wasn't so sure about that, but I wasn't going to contradict him either. At times when I thought about mum, I still felt twelve or even eight.

"Anyway," I finally said wanting to change the subject. "Speaking of seventeen, let's talk about my party. I know you lot will want to check up on us, but I hope you won't be outside the whole time."

I think Ben and Ashley were relieved about the change of subject too. They both smiled and then began interrupting each other right away. I truly couldn't wait until my seventeenth birthday. I'd be of age, and I would finally be making decisions for me. Even if I lived at home, I'd still have more say in my life.

One Sunday afternoon, I was out on the patio working on my birthday plans. After my talk with Ashley and Ben, I'd been spending a lot of time trying to figure out exactly what I wanted to do for it. I'd already written out the guest list of Hogwarts students while they'd written out a list of their friends.

Almost everyone I knew was going to be there, including Ashley's sister, Jaime. She didn't see us often and there times when I wasn't sure if I liked her. I hated how she felt the need to ignore us except if she wanted something. At times she acted as if magic was such a bad thing. I'd overheard her say it was magic's fault that mum abandoned me. I was always polite to her though. I just wondered if she was bringing her nine-year-old son, Graysen. She didn't want him to know anything about magic. So far she'd been lucky, the kids were usually good about it, but who knew how long it would last. Graysen was growing up and he'd question certain things eventually. I didn't mind her coming though.

In fact, I didn't mind any of the people coming that Ashley and Ben invited. Not only because it would make it a very big party of people who cared about me, but because it would keep them distracted from the night party. I knew they'd check up on us once and a while. They were allowing us to drink, which I was surprised about. We were all underage after all, so there would be underage drinking. I knew Ben's parents had let them drink when they were our age though. Since they were letting us drink, they would be basically hovering without actually hovering since we'd be swimming and drinking.

I just worried about the younger kids. I knew the cousins and my siblings would want to stay for the night party, but I didn't want them there. I wanted a carefree seventeenth birthday party where I didn't have to worry about them. I was dealing with enough when it came to William as it was. He seemed almost as angry as Alyssa had been at the beginning of the summer. I'd even sat down and talked to him about his bullying, but I didn't think he'd taken me seriously. I figured my best bet was to try and have some boys days together before I went back to school. I was worried about the path he was going down.

Not only was he a bully, but he was selfish as well. All the kids (even me at times) could be at times, but he was the worst one. He was the only one who constantly brought up the amount of money they had. Alyssa and Cameron both seemed embarrassed by it, and Hailey was probably still too young to really understand it. Even if she did, she likely wouldn't act that way. Alyssa had gone though a selfish stage for a while, but Ashley and Ben had nipped it in the bud. William however often thought everything would be handed to him no matter what. Just recently they'd gone through my old clothes from when I'd been ten to give to the twins. William had thrown a fit about having to wear used clothes when they were rich. So he'd been given all my old clothes while they'd bought Cameron some new ones.. William was still angry about it.

I'd heard Ben telling Ashley recently that they'd have to get William to learn to earn his keep soon enough. I wasn't sure what they meant by that. I knew it wasn't going to be easy though. He would throw a fit. He often said that the others were rewarded when he wasn't. He'd ignored Cameron for a couple of days because he'd been given the new clothes. I wasn't a parent, but I truly hoped I could find a way to get through to William before we back to school.

I was deep in thought about all of this while I worked on my plans. I was so distracted that I was startled when Michelle came over to join me. I was even more startled by hearing her words. She wanted me to invite Alyssa and her friends to my party. That was the last thing I wanted to do. For the first time all summer, I felt annoyed with her.

"Why do you want them there?" I asked her. It was hard for me to keep the annoyance out of my voice.

"Because I notice how much it's a confidence boost for them when they are treated more grown up. I felt the same way when mum started to treat me like a big kid instead of lumping me with Clarissa all the time. I loved it when the teens paid attention to me when I was eleven. This party will make them feel grown up. I've already noticed a change in them since they started doing more grown up things," she explained.

"I just worry about them trying to sneak alcohol," I finally said. "We'll be drinking. I don't want them drinking and swimming. It's my party and the last thing I want to do is watch them. I want to enjoy it. It's my coming of age party."

"I'll talk to them about that," Michelle answered. "I can't really see Alyssa doing that. Clarissa might be a problem, but I doubt Mackenzie or Richard will do that. I'll even keep an eye on them so you don't have to."

"It seems to mean a lot to you if you're willing to watch out for them," I said. "It's supposed to be a fun night for you too. It's why I invited you."

And I'd been hoping to spend time with her at my party. I knew there'd be a lot of people there, but I didn't think it would be hard to get some alone time with her either. I was counting on people getting drunk and being into their own thing. If things worked out, we could take a walk around the yard together and it would seem casual to everyone. They all knew we were friends and neighbours after all. No one would find it suspicious. If she were watching the kids, we wouldn't have time to hang out.

"Because I remember what it was like when the older kids ignored you," she said. "And they're slowly becoming the older kids. Look how good Alyssa has been for the rest of the summer. Clarissa has had a confidence boost too. You don't how thrilled I was that summer we went to Niagara Falls because you let us be involved too. For once we were the big kids instead of the little kids who had to have an adult there. I'll talk to them, and if they misbehave then I'll tell them they have to leave."

"Fine, but if even one of them try to do anything stupid, they're all gone," I said giving in. "But I do want you to enjoy yourself too. So I will talk to Alyssa and you talk to Clarissa. I think you're right that she's the one we have to worry about. I don't like the idea of you being baby-sitter."

"I think they'll behave," Michelle said. "They'll be grateful to be at your party. Don't worry, I'll enjoy myself."

The things you do for love. I thought to myself. I truly didn't want Alyssa or the others there, but I would invite them for her. I knew she was right. I remembered being that age and wanting to be seen more grown up too. So I would do it because I knew that she was right; it would give Alyssa even more of a confidence boost. I also knew that my sister would take it seriously. She'd want to be invited to a party again, and so she'd do her best not to blow it. So this would be her chance to prove herself. It would be Clarissa's too. I knew neither Mackenzie or Richard would act out, but Clarissa might.

"I don't think I told you, but mum did say it's okay for me to take the rest of the summer off. So right now I am off for the rest of the summer," Michelle said.

That meant we could hang out whenever we wanted. I'd quit as well. Sure, there were only two weeks left of the summer but that was enough time. I knew Michelle would be done her homework already. She'd always made sure to make sure her summer work was done right away. So neither one of us would have any responsibility. Neither would my friends for that matter. They were all free, so we could have two weeks late nights and sleeping in.

"Last night was my last shift," I told her. "So I am free too. I'm hoping to convince Alyssa to take the kids to your place anyway. Then I can enjoy this pool on my own."

"If not, I'll just convince Clarissa to come here and we can swim in my pool. It might be better because of the baby pool. Our parents will probably feel better that way," Michelle said as she glanced over at our smaller pool.

It was right beside the main pool, but it wasn't very deep at all. I wasn't sure exactly how much water it held, but it didn't even reach midway to my shins when I stood in it. The kids could all sit down safely in it as young as two or three. They'd installed it the spring of my first year. There were so many little kids by that point, so Ben had decided to start a baby pool for them. Sometimes when my friends came over, they sat in it just to talk. The adults did this as well. In fact, once I came home to find it full of closed butterbeers floating around while all the adults sat around in it.

"That's actually not a bad idea," I said as I took looked over at it. "I'll talk to Ashley and Ben about that tonight. They probably will be more comfortable with that. When that pool was installed, the rule was that we could swim but only in that pool."

In fact, Alyssa would probably love it anyway. I knew she felt nervous about the younger kids swimming around, but they could spend their time in the baby pool, and she and her friends could enjoy themselves in the bigger pool.

Michelle and I spent the rest of the evening just talking and planning my party. She was so easy to talk to. I didn't feel as nervous around her as I had with Cynthia either. Sure, I would get that excited swooping feeling around her, but everything felt so much more natural with her. At times with Cynthia, I would feel embarrassed about some of the things we talked about. I didn't always feel as if I could talk to her about serious things either. I'd kept a lot of secrets from her as well. She never knew the true story about Hailey and Ashley. When it came to Michelle, the only thing I couldn't tell her quite yet was how I felt about her. Otherwise, I'd always been able to tell her things, and she knew all my secrets. Part of it was because our families were so close, but it was also because I knew could trust her.

Mum sent me another letter as the end of the summer neared, and my party approached. I was already angry with her as it was, but the latest letter made me even more upset. She wasn't impressed with me about the fact that I'd told Ashley and Ben about it. Naturally, they had written to her because they wanted to talk to her about her latest stunt.

What happened to my mother? Of course the last time I'd seen her, I was eight but she seemed as if she'd changed so much. She'd given me up, and a lot of the time she'd seemed unhappy with my magical abilities. There were times when I stayed with someone else for long periods of times as well. However, I also had some fond memories of us doing mother and son things too. I also knew there was a time when she'd love Jaime and Ashley as if they were her younger sisters. So what had happened to make her seem so hateful? It could not just be about magic. It bothered me because my biological sister lived with her. What if she hurt her the way she had with me? Mum had already given up one child? What if my sister disappointed her in some other way?

Perhaps Tasha was right all those years ago. Maybe I shouldn't have contacted her. Ever since I had, she'd been causing nothing but problems for me and my family. At the same time though, I knew that I would have remained curious forever about her. It was a double edged sword. I gritted my teeth and ran a hand through my hair. I set the letter down deciding not to write back to her for the time being. This after all was my fault. I should not have told her about Alyssa. This time I wasn't going to mention anything to Ashley or Ben, at least not yet. This would be something I'd take care of my own. I would meet up with mum too. Her and me needed to sit down and a have long talk.

I couldn't let this letter affect me. I was having my party that weekend, and all I cared about was having fun. It was my coming of age party, and I wanted to think of nothing else except that. Fortunately, as I made my decision, Hailey popped her head in the door.

"Come on Hayden," she said giving me such an adorable smile. "William and Cameron want to play a two on two game of Quidditch. Alyssa is too busy painting her nails for your party, so we need you instead," she said. "And don't say your busy cause I know you're not."

"I'd love to play Quidditch," I said jumping up quickly.

"William is trying to say it's going to be you and him against me and Cameron," she said once I reached her. "But I don't think it's fair."

"That isn't fair," I agreed.

Cameron loved to fly, but he wasn't the best Quidditch player. He didn't have much confidence with taking his hands off the broom. I played Quidditch for fun, and I may not have been the best at it, I was at least decent. With William and me playing against Cameron and Hailey, they would never win. Hailey had only just started playing Quidditch. Ben and Ashley had been too worried about letting her play up until that summer. She was still just learning.

"I'll play with Cameron and you can play with William," I told her.

It wouldn't be a fair team if it were the twins against Hailey and me either. The two always liked to cheat when they were paired up together. So the only right answer was teaming up William with Hailey. He wasn't going to like it because he would feel the need to protect her, but he would have to get over it if he wanted to play. A game with my brothers and sister was the perfect way to distract me from mum, so I was all for it. I would take their bickering over brooding in my room about the letter.

Finally, the morning of my birthday party arrived. I wished that it was my actual birthday. What I would give to do magic without permission. Unfortunately, I still had to wait a couple of weeks until that real moment. I was looking forward to the day though. The party would be starting around noon, and it would end sometime that night. I'd had parties like that before, but I had a feeling tonight would be the best party of my life.

As I stretched to wake up, I thought about the day ahead. I really hoped that William and Cameron weren't going to make a big fuss when they had to leave. Cameron would probably leave without a fight, but William had been so angry when he found out that Alyssa was allowed to go and they weren't. He'd gone as far using magic against her.

Alyssa had a talk with him after that, and so had I. He'd acted like he understood afterwards, and he'd stopped being so angry. However, today he could behave differently. I did spend a lot of time with afterwards one on one. So perhaps that had helped. I knew what William wanted the most was to spend more time with me when I was home. Sometimes I forgot to. I really needed to remember more often. I knew he craved attention and he hated it when he was ignored. It wasn't only me who ignored him, but his parents did as well.

I got out of bed and headed to my bathroom to have a quick shower. When I got downstairs, it was to find a big breakfast spread waiting for me. Some of the adults were there already with their kids. The moment they all saw me, they all started singing to me.

"I tried to stop them from singing," Minnie said as she joined my side afterwards. "But you know what they're like."

"It's okay," I said. "It's going to happen more often."

Even Ashley's sister was there with her son, Graysen. She didn't often come because she hated for Graysen to be around magic. He would be nine-years-old in December. He was at the age where he would notice it. The kids were always good about it around him though. He smiled up at me as I went over to give him a hug.

"Happy birthday," he said. "I haven't seen you in a long time."

"It has been a long while," I agreed. It had been at least a year maybe. Sometimes we saw them at Christmas, but we hadn't the last Christmas.

"Well we couldn't miss this birthday," Jaime said as she came over to hug me.

She was so small. I think she was about Ellen's height, maybe a little taller. I always towered over her, and it seemed awkward at times. I didn't feel that way with Ellen, but maybe it was because I'd grown up with her. Ashley's parents gave me a hug next.

"I can't believe you're going to be of age," Ashley's mum said. "I remember the day you were born. I met you the very next day."

"You used to follow me around all the time," Ashley's step father, Terry spoke up. "You always wanted to help me out when you stayed over."

All the aunts and uncles wanted to hug me next. It took a long time before I was able to sit down and eat breakfast. Everyone sat down around me, but even then they wanted my attention. I had a feeling it was going to be this way the entire day. It was still early in the day, and more adults would be arriving and my friends as well. I wondered if I would even get anything to eat after this meal. I appreciated the fact that I had so many people who loved me, but I needed some space too.

"Why isn't Ellen, Keith and the kids here yet?" I asked.

I mostly wanted to know where Michelle was, but I didn't want to be obvious. Usually they were over before anyone else. Ben's parents weren't there yet either, so I decided to quickly add that on as Alyssa glanced over at me with a smirk. She knew exactly what I was doing.

"I think they just wanted to eat breakfast on their own," Ashley said. "Tomorrow Ellen is going to have to help me serve everyone. I think she wanted a break today."

Anytime we had joint parties with Ellen, she had to help serve food the next day. It was the same as if Ellen had a party as well. I figured they must have made a long ago agreement on this. It had been happening for as long I could remember us having parties. Usually the uncles and aunts would help as well, but Ellen always helped.

"My parents will be getting here closer to lunch," Ben answered. "They had a few things to do. Likely it has to with getting you a present, but I am not one hundred percent certain. They just told me when to expect them."

Down the table, the youngest kids were fighting. Even Hailey was actually involved, and she very rarely ever got involved with the fights. I had a feeling she was trying to stop it though. Minnie's twin brother and sister were the most vocal about whatever it was. I was so glad that they weren't going to be at the night party. Situations like that was one of the reasons for why I didn't want anyone twelve or under at my party. I didn't even really want Alyssa and her friends there.

I watched as Tasha and Barry rushed over to try and break it up.

"The twins have been fighting more than usual lately," Minnie said to me. "I think it's because you know obviously Carly is a girl and Jake is a boy. I think it will that they are starting school this year. We don't have enough bedrooms either and they've been sharing but they hate it. They have different tastes. Mum and dad want to put Jake into Trevor's room, but he isn't too happy about it. They don't really want to put him out because he already feels neglected. So, mum and dad are actually talking about moving. Actually, they want to come out here now. Everyone else is in this area. They think it will help with the twins because they don't have anyone their age."

"I've never understood why you lot live in a small house with all that money," I said. "You don't need a place like this one, but with four kids you need more room."

"I've never understood either," Minnie said. "But I think that soon mum and dad will start building. Dad was looking at some land near where Jared wants to build just recently. So it might be the next couple of months. So maybe we'll be neighbours by Christmas."

"Not exactly neighbours, but close," I said with a smile.

The neighbourhood had expanded so much that it would be more like a suburb. So many of their old Hogwarts friends had moved out this way. It could have even been considered as a small town. I imagined someday it could be with more people did by land this way.

"We'll be in the neighbourhood anyway," Minnie said. "It will be easier to see Craig that way. You can invite him over here and then I can come over."

"I will but you know that your parents will ask mine to watch you," I said grinning at her. "They'll know exactly what your doing. Are you back home now, or are you staying with Ashley's parents still."

"I'm back home now," Minnie said. "We came to an agreement. I know mum and dad really missed me. They knew I'd be going back to school soon. They wanted to see me before I left, so I don't think they wanted any conflict. They know Craig is a great bloke anyway. I could have done worse. In fact, dad said he was glad it was Craig and not Andrew."

"There isn't anything wrong with Andrew," I said.

"They know that he sleeps around Hayden," Minnie said.

"And they think you're a virgin?" I asked in a very low voice.

"Shut up!" Minnie whispered and she slapped my arm. "Yes they do, and they don't need to find out differently. I've just turned sixteen. Daddy would flip out if he knew."

"Craig would be dead," I whispered back laughing.

"What are you two whispering about over there?" Brenda asked us.

Why is it any of your business? I thought to myself.

"Nothing," Minnie and I said at the same time.

"That must mean it's something," Barry said with amusement. "It's never good when you two are whispering."

"We're just talking about later tonight," Minnie said. "And the kids we are inviting."

"Well just remember our talk from this morning," Tasha told her.

"Yes I know mum," Minnie said. "It's not me you have to worry about. It's the other kids."

"Well, I still disagree with it," Brenda said.

I started to wonder what they were talking about, but Barry spoke before I could think too much about it.

"Brenda, no one under sixteen will be drinking," Ben said. "It's the same as all of the parties we had. You drank when you were sixteen at parties. You can deny it all you want, but I saw you. We will be keeping a close eye on everything from the kitchen. We can see almost the whole patio from the kitchen after all."

I couldn't help but roll my eyes now. Of course she was worried about the drinking. Did she really think for a moment that there wouldn't be a lot of adults watching the party? They'd be inside, but I knew they'd be checking every fifteen minutes (Ashley's deal for them staying in the kitchen) and they could see the patio, as Ben had said. It really wasn't her damn business what we did at my party.

"I just want to make sure nothing happens to Richard," Brenda said. "That's why I don't agree with it."

I glanced down the table at where Richard had been, but he was gone along with Alyssa and Mackenzie. They must have taken off after they'd eaten. The twins, Graysen and Trevor were also gone. It was just Charles, Minnie and me besides the little ones.

"They know not to drink," I spoke up. "And it's not Richard you need to worry about. He's a good kid. This is their probationary party. All four of them will be on their best behaviour I am sure."

I added the first part about Richard because I knew things were tense between Brenda and Richard. I'd heard enough stories, and I'd even seen a few arguments between Richard and Brenda. She treated him as if he was some horrible kid. He was a very likeable kid, and he was always really good. She just hated that he called her on her bullshit.

"You wouldn't agree with it if he wasn't there," Brianne said. "You just want to make your opinion known once again. It's Hayden's birthday party Brenda. Don't start now."

Brenda shot a furious look at her sister, but she didn't say anything else. Most people around the table were shaking their heads. Couldn't she go one family dinner without her disapproval? It wasn't as if we were Michelle's age. Sixteen, at least in the wizarding world was the acceptable age to start drinking. A lot of parents I knew allowed their teen to start at sixteen. I didn't know what it was like in the muggle world, but even Ashley's mother had let her kids start at sixteen. In fact, I even remember Brenda mentioning that Richard could try his first taste of wine at sixteen. Of course that was different from them all drinking at a party, but it was still really annoying.

"Let's go," Minnie muttered to me. "They want to decorate the yard before you go out there. Let's just find the other kids until they're ready for us."

"Let's just leave the little ones though," I said as we stood up. "I don't feel like being baby-sitter today."

Thankfully, no one noticed as we left. Barry was already lecturing Brenda so they were all distracted. We didn't have to look for the other kids for long. They were all in the living-room. I had a hard time believing that this group were the next older kids. In two years, Minnie and I would be done Hogwarts. The twins and Trevor would be twelve and Alyssa and her friends would be fourteen.

As soon as they spotted us, the twins ran over to try and tackle me. Happily, I joined in on the rough housing. I might have also been an adult, but I could still be ten at heart.

Around noon, everyone was there. All my Hogwarts friends, a lot of Ashley's and Ben's friends as well and all their kids. It had been a long time since they'd had a party this big. Even the New Years parties weren't this big, and usually it could be crowded then. I was the centre of attention at lunch time. All the adults surrounded me.

Ashley was making such a huge fuss over me, and I found it so odd. Other than maybe Hailey at times, she never acted this way with us. She always gave us our space because she knew we'd want to socialize at our parties. However, she was seated right beside, and she wouldn't let anyone else have my attention. Most people certainly did try, and it was quite loud. I was envious of the kids because they were at the kids table. At that moment, I'd do anything to be sitting with them.

I let them have their moment however. I understood why. Seventeen wasn't only a big deal for me, but for the people who had watched me grow up. Ashley and Ben were my parents, so to them, it was the biggest deal. However, to most of the adults, they had known me as a baby. Most of them had taken me when I'd been really young, long before Ashley was done Hogwarts. Even Ellen's mum (who was across from me) had taken me a few times. The one adult who should have been there wasn't. But then again, I wouldn't have wanted her there anyway.

After a while, I glanced to my side and was surprised to see Michelle sitting beside me. How long had she been there for? My attention had mainly focused on Ashley that I hadn't noticed. She looked so beautiful that day too. I couldn't help but comment on that when I noticed her. Once I did, I realized I might offend her because she looked beautiful everyday. It was just that she stunning that day. I quickly amended myself, but she looked pleased, so perhaps I hadn't offended her after all.

"Thanks," Michelle responded. "I bought this dress for the party. I have a new bikini too."

"Oh really?" I asked feeling really awkward now. Of course I'd seen her in a bikini before, so it wasn't hard to imagine her in one. However, I really wanted to see her in her new one now. "Well I'm sure you'll beautiful in it," I said trying to push some naughty thoughts away.

We were distracted moments later when Ashley summoned a huge chocolate cake to us. It had a one and seven that was already lit. I wondered how she'd managed that one. I was quite good with magic, but I didn't think I could ever get to her level with charms. Everyone began to sing to me, and then I leaned forward to blow the candles out. Of course I was too old to believe a birthday wish would come true, but I had one anyway. I wished that Michelle would be my girlfriend, and that everyone would be okay with it. I blew out the candles after I wished this and everyone began to clap. With another wave of her wand, Ashley made the cake was slice up, and then the pieces began floating to each other. Apparently she'd perfected that in her sixth year! She'd been my age. I couldn't do that!

After I got my piece, I focused on Michelle again as we ate.

Where have you been hiding all day?" I asked her. "This is the first I've seen you."

"You've been surrounded all day," she answered. "This is the first chance I've had all day."

"Well soon most of these people will be gone," I assured her. "I haven't talked to any of my friends. All the adults have had my attention all day. I never thought Ashley would be the type to fuss, but she has been."

"Seventeen is a big deal," Michelle said. "You're her first kid to turn seventeen. You can't blame any of them for it really. They've all known you since you were a baby."

"I know," I replied. "I'm just ready for a drink already."

"Well why don't you have one then?" Ben said as he appeared suddenly behind me. He set a shot of firewhiskey in front. Yum firewhiskey and cake. "Don't worry, the pesky adults and kids will be leaving you alone soon enough. Take a shot with your old man first, and then we'll start getting people to leave."

I grinned at him as I reached for the shot. We'd actually done this last year for my sixteenth birthday. Perhaps it would be tradition. It was one I could live with. I actually liked drinking with my parents. Not too many people my age would admit that. It made me feel truly grown up though. Ben and I took our shots at the same time, and then true to his word, he began rounding everyone so they could leave.

I knew I should say good-bye to everyone and thank them. So I excused myself from Michelle, and walked around to as many people as I could. Jaime was just rounding Graysen up from the twins (who didn't want to leave) and her boyfriend Chris.

"Thanks so much for coming," I said to her. "I was really surprised to see you. I hope it won't be too long again. I'd really like to see Graysen some more."

"We'll try, but now that you're almost seventeen you can visit on your own too," she said and I knew she meant by apparating.

"Well, I think we do that stuff next term," I said as I glanced over at Graysen who looked angry. "So maybe over the Easter holidays or next summer even. If not, I can always as Ashley," and then I knelt down to give Graysen a hug. "I'll see you soon mate. I hope you had fun today."

"I did and I want to stay!" He said.

"Maybe some other night you can stay the night," I said to him.

"All the kids are leaving Graysen," Jaime told him. "So say good-bye. It's time for us to go."

Graysen let out a loud sigh. He was so much like Cameron with the shyness but so much like William with the attitude. I'd seen it before from him. Perhaps he had even picked it up from William. After Graysen left, I turned to the twins and Trevor who were looking at the teens with envy. Some people were already getting in the pool.

"You remember our deal," I said truly hoping there would be no hissy fits.

"We know," Cameron said. "We get to baby-sit the younger kids. They're all staying longer but just inside. Usually we don't get to be baby-sitters."

"Well, it's time you were," I said. "You can learn now so that two years from now you can be real ones."

"If Alyssa let's us," William said.

"Believe me, she'll want a break sometimes. Why don't you start by getting Mickey inside?"

"Because that won't be hard at all," William said as he rolled his eyes but then he grinned. "It was fun today William. Don't forget about our boys night."

"I wouldn't dream of it mate," I said.

I watched as William headed over to Mickey who was throwing a temper tantrum. Trevor and Cameron went over to get the other kids. I was truly surprised that they weren't throwing a fit. I felt bad for William as Mickey tried to slap him. I wasn't sure what was wrong with that kid, but out all of them, he was the biggest brat. The thing was, he was born that way. He'd been screaming since the day he was born. Ellen seemed ready to tear her hair out at times when it came to him. She was even considering putting him in therapy. At the moment he was throwing his head back and screaming.

I watched as Hailey, who Cameron had been leading by the hand pulled her hand away. She rushed over to Mickey and took him by the hand. At first he tried to resist, but whatever she said to him seemed to work because he stopped screaming and allowed her to lead him inside. For some reason, out of all the kids, it was her who could get through to him. William noticed me watching.

He walked over to me quickly.

"I know I shouldn't hate people, but I hate that kid," he said and then he continued on into the house.

"Sometimes I do too," I muttered.

How did Ellen deal with that everyday? I didn't have long to think about it before Andrew and Craig rushed over.

"Time for more shots mate," Craig said as he put an arm around my shoulder. "The real party is starting now!"

"And you can't get out of it birthday boy," Andrew added.

"Because I would do that," I said sarcastically as they led me to a table that already had shots on it.

I glanced around looking for Michelle. She was busy talking to Ashley. I hoped I would be able to talk to her more that night. For the moment, I planned to get drunk. Later on I would try and get closer to her. Smiling at this thought, I took the first shot Patrick handed me. I didn't even care if I ended up throwing up the next day. It'd be worth it.

That night, I went from being buzzed to being completely drunk out of my mind. I didn't even get this drunk after my break up with Cynthia. I avoided the pool for this very reason. I was quite drunk, but I knew even in my state that it would be a very bad idea to try and swim.

Unfortunately, I didn't have all my senses that night. Cynthia decided to gatecrash that night. She walked over to me and began to kiss me. Without thinking about it, I kissed her back until I came to my senses. I quickly shoved her away and backed up. I felt myself sway on the spot while she seemed blurry in front of me. Marco grabbed a hold of my arm. I was vaguely aware of the fireworks going off above us.

"I told you not to come here," I told her angrily. "Go away!"

"You kissed me!" She said. "You obviously still love me."

"I'm drunk. If Marco had snogged me, I'd probably do it back. It was a mistake!" I told her and in my drunken state, I considered doing it to make a point. I was sure I'd get a punch to the face if I did.

"Hayden," Alyssa said suddenly appearing in front of me.

The last thing I needed was her to lecture me at the moment. I had a feeling it was why she was there. She meant well, but I didn't need it.

"Not now Alyssa," I told her. "This isn't the time."

"This is the time," she insisted and then she pointed out to the backyard towards the pond."You need to go to Michelle right now. She saw."

Without another word, I pulled out of Marco's reach and headed in that direction. I suddenly felt sober. As I stepped off the deck, I could see her back to me. She was back in the dress she had been wearing earlier, and she appeared to be sobbing. I felt horrible. Alyssa had been right, Michelle did like me back. Now she thought I was back with Cynthia. I quickened my footsteps. She needed to know it was a drunk thing. I felt bad for even Cynthia. It was a git move. It had probably led her on. As much as I disliked her at the moment. I didn't want to hurt her.

I took a seat beside Michelle as soon as I reached her. She was crying very hard and I just wanted to pull her into my arms.

"She kissed me and I pushed her away," I told her.

Michelle glanced up and looked over at me in shock. Tears were still streaming down her cheeks. I just wanted to kiss them away.

"You don't need to explain anything," she said.

"Yes I do," I insisted. "She wasn't supposed to be here. I didn't know she was here. I was drunk and she walked up and kissed me. I pushed her away and I told her to go home. Alyssa told me that I needed to come over here. I'm sorry you had to see that."

I truly was. I'd do anything to have a timeturner at that moment. I would stop Cynthia from even getting outside. How had she anyway? Why hadn't the adults noticed. Ashley would have stopped her, or Ben would have. Were they all distracted at the moment?

"I don't care. I'm not crying about that. What you and Cynthia do isn't any of my business. If you want her back, that's your choice. You were together for so long," Michelle told me and she tried to look away, but I reached over to gently take a hold of her face. I wiped the tears away, just had I'd wanted to from the beginning.

"We're not getting back together. Michelle, her jealousy isn't the only reason why I broke up with her. I haven't been in love with her for a long time. There is someone else that I started to fall for," I told her and then I leaned over to kiss her.

It was the moment I'd been imagining since that first night in the pool. I'd wanted to do it then, and now I finally was. So my birthday wish had come true after all. Maybe there was some magic in those candles after all. Michelle eagerly responded back. I felt her put a hand on my shoulder. The fireworks were still going off, and I thought it was fitting for this moment. Reluctantly, I pulled away so I could continue to talk to her. I was sure we could snog all night now anyway. Even everyday now. She did like me back.

"I'm sorry you had to see that," I apologized.

"You've fallen for me?" Michelle asked. She looked shocked. How could she be when I'd just been kissing her.

"Yes," I answered. "I don't know when it happened. Some time last year, but it felt wrong because of Cynthia and our ages. Alyssa told me that she thought you might like me too. It's been her trying to convince me all summer, but I was worried about asking you. She told me I should ask you to Hogsmeade."

"Clarissa and Catalina told me the same thing," Michelle said. "Ashley told me tonight to say something."

"She knew?" I asked now feeling annoyed withe my godmother. She'd promised never to keep things from me. How could she have kept something this important from me?

"I told her not to tell you. I was scared that if you found out, you'd stop talking to me," Michelle responded.

"Even if I didn't like you, I wouldn't stop being your friend," I told her. "I can't believe she kept that from me."

I would have to have a word with her later about this.

"Don't get upset with her," Michelle said as if reading my mind. "I made her promise when I was nine-years-old. She told me that if she thought you liked me back she'd do something about it, but I didn't want her to say anything."

I realized I couldn't get upset with her then. She had promised Michelle, and I hadn't shown signs around Ashley that I might like her. I'd been scared she'd disapprove of it. She'd kept a secret for her goddaughter. I'd still talk to her about it later, but I couldn't yell at her. It just showed that we could trust her with our secrets.

"Nine-years-old," I said slowly as I thought back to what Alyssa had told me. "So Alyssa was right about that. She's a very observant girl. I'm sorry I ignored you that summer."

Minnie had told me to pay attention to her, but I hadn't. How could I have been so heartless to her back then? Even if I hadn't known she liked me, I should have talked to her anyway. I'd always done my best to ignore her though.

"You apologized for that already," Michelle reminded me.

"I feel like a git about tonight," I told her and then kissed her again. I wanted to make up for tonight and for that summer five years ago. "I've been trying to work up the nerve to talk to you and all I did was hurt you."

"It was Cynthia's fault," she said. "I do have to admit, I felt eleven-years-old again. I felt the same as I had when we went to Niagara Falls. You invited me to hang out, and then I had to see Cynthia all over you. I felt like history was repeating itself but it felt worse tonight."

Tears were still streaming down her cheeks. I remembered that as well. Michelle had pretty much clung to my side during that trip. However, I'd just thought she'd just wanted to hang out. It was the first time I'd taken notice of her since we'd been little kids. I just thought she was thankful to me for inviting her to hang out with us. I hadn't thought that it was because she liked me. I'd only taken notice of Cynthia, and to me, Michelle had still been a child.

"All summer I've just wanted to get to know you better," I said hoping to make her feel better. I'd been hurting her feelings for the last five years, possibly even more. There had been times when I had been sharp with her back in primary school. "It's why I quit so early, and it's why I convinced you to do it too. I wanted us to have more time together before we went to school."

I wiped away her tears. I wished she would stop crying. I kissed her again hoping to make the tears stop.

"Why are you still crying?" I asked afterwards.

"I'm trying to stop," she answered and then smiled through her tears. "I guess I'm like Niagara Falls too."

She sniffled a few times and then she started to laugh which made me feel better.

"I was ugly crying. I probably look terrible."

"You can never look terrible," I said to her which was true. Even now she looked stunning. "You look beautiful even when you cry."

"You've got to be kidding me, she's fourteen!"

I felt agitated as our moment was interrupted. I knew that voice all too well. Cynthia was still there, and she was now trying to interfere with my new relationship. I looked up at her to see that her girlfriends were there, but so was Minnie who was trying to pull her away, Andrew and Craig and Alyssa and Clarissa were not too far behind them.

"Get off me!" Cynthia shouted at Minnie as she pulled away.

"I'm sorry Hayden, we tried to stop her," Minnie told me.

It wasn't her I was angry with at the moment. I knew that my friends would have done their best to keep her away. I stood up quickly to glare down at Cynthia. I wanted her to go away. She had no right to be here.

"I told you to leave already. I told you that I don't want to be with you," I told her as harshly as I could.

"You want to be with a fourteen-year-old?" Cynthia demanded.

"Yes I do," I said defiantly. "I've had more fun with her this summer than I did the last year with you. I didn't have to deal with the jealousy or her trying to control me."

"She's too young for you," Cynthia insisted.

"No she's not," Alyssa said stepping forward. "It's only two and a half years. You're not welcome here anymore."

"Go away little girl," Cynthia said to her which was funny in a way. Alyssa was basically the same height as her now. She would likely be taller than her soon. My sister was very stubborn though. She just stepped closer to Cynthia.

"This is my house. I want you to leave right now. Michelle is ten times better for Hayden then you. Now go," Alyssa said angrily.

Michelle, who had remained on the bench stood up and moved closer to me. Just to show her I was serious, I pulled her even closer to me. Cynthia's eye widened with hurt, and before I knew what was happening, she slapped me very hard. I moved a hand to my face in shock. Cynthia was not a violent person at all. I couldn't believe she would actually slap me.

What happened next shocked me over more. Alyssa punched Cynthia so hard that she fell on the ground. Everyone's mouths opened with surprised as well. I didn't know my little sister had it in her. She wasn't a violent person either.

"You don't ever hit my brother!" She screamed. "Leave immediately."

"We should go," Diane, a friend of Cynthia's said as she quickly helped up a sobbing Cynthia.

"You're a little bitch!" Cynthia yelled and moved to hit Alyssa back. I was ready to grab her arm from hurting my sister, but Minnie got there first. I knew Cynthia could never hit her, it didn't matter how angry she was. Hitting me was one thing, but she had too much respect for Minnie. I She managed to stop herself as my best friend made sure to step right in front of Alyssa. I was sure Minnie knew this too.

"Leave. Now," Minnie told her. "You've done enough damage tonight. I don't appreciate you ruining my best friends birthday party or his new relationship."

Cynthia's friends pulled her away. Cynthia was crying almost as hard as Michelle had been. I couldn't help feel horrible despite all of it. I knew it was Cynthia's fault for showing up, but I shouldn't have kissed her back. It was something I'd be guilty about for a long time.

"I'm sorry, I should have said something too," Michelle said to me but I shook my head.

"It isn't up to you to say anything," I told her. "She shouldn't have been here."

"Remind me never to piss you off," Craig said to Alyssa who still looked very angry.

"Where did you learn to hit like that?" I asked her. I was in awe of my little sister. "I didn't know you could hit like that. If it had been any harder you would have knocked her out."

"I don't know," she said with a shrug. "I saw her hit you and I saw red. All I knew was that I wanted to hurt her back."

"I'm really sorry Hayden," Minnie said. "We did our best to keep her from coming over here. We told her that she had to leave, but she gave us the slip and came over anyway."

"It's not your fault," I said to her, although I did put some of the blame on the adults who should have noticed. "She knew she wasn't welcome here. She shouldn't have come here in the first place."

"So when did this happen?" Craig asked as he looked from Michelle to me. "Don't tell me that you two got together but you didn't tell us. You're such a secretive man Hoofer."

"It literally just happened," I replied. "Michelle saw us kissing and I came out here to comfort her."

"I told you that she liked you," Alyssa said just as Clarissa said: "Didn't I say he liked you back?"

The two girls looked at each other.

"You knew?" they asked together.

I smiled. If only we had listened to them. I was going to have to remember from now on that Alyssa wasn't a little girl anymore. It was kind of funny that for once they hadn't told each other something. I'd asked Alyssa not to tell her, but Clarissa was her best friend. I knew how hard it was for her when it came to her. She told her everything.

"I guessed a while ago," Alyssa told her, "but I never said anything until a few weeks ago to Hayden. He told me not to tell anyone, not even you. I would have, but he didn't want anyone to know."

"I've always known Michelle liked Hayden but I just kept it to myself. This morning when she dressed up for this party, I asked. I told her he liked her back," Clarissa responded.

"And I told him she liked him back," Alyssa said.

"And we told him the same thing," Andrew said.

"So did I," Minnie said. "I could see it between you two for a while. Just like I could see it years ago with Cynthia and Hayden," and she smiled at Hayden. "You're not always the best at hiding your emotions you know."

Craig laughed. "Well why don't we leave the new couple alone and join the party again? You don't have an ex-boyfriend that is going to step in do you Michelle?"

Michelle grinned and shook her head. I was actually quite thankful for this. She'd had some boyfriends but nothing that ended up being too seriously. I preferred being with someone who didn't have a big history. Cynthia had a small history, but boyfriends in the first or second year in my opinion hadn't counted. She'd dated them to make me jealous anyway. It had been the same for me. I was sure Michelle had dated her boyfriends to move on from me. It hadn't worked obviously, and I was thankful for that.

The next morning, I was up quite early. The majority of my friends had stayed over. There were sleeping bodies all over my room, and I had to be as quiet as possible. I also had to make sure I didn't step or trip over anyone. Andrew had decided to sleep in my bed, which annoyed me even though I was used to it. Neither him or Craig seemed to care about sharing a bed with a bloke. Ever since we went to Niagara Fall's they had done this. It didn't matter if I protested over this. All they did was tell me to stop being so uptight. So I'd given up long ago.

Out in the hallway, it was to find Ashley just looking in on the kids in the other rooms. She always did this at night and then in the morning.

"I'm surprised you're up," she said as soon as she noticed me.

"Andrew was snoring," I told her. "He insisted on sleeping in my bed."

She grinned at me. She knew it annoyed me. She'd told me long ago that it just showed we had a comfortable friendship. Apparently her friends had done the same thing because there hadn't been enough beds.

"You're not hung-over at all?" She asked. "I figured for sure you would be."

"I sobered up quickly last night after all that drama," I said as we began to head down the steps. "Speaking of which, how did Cynthia get past you lot?"

"Hayden, if we had seen her, we would have stopped her. By that point we were out on the patio. All our friends were home and the kids were all in bed. We wanted to keep a close eye on all of you. You were all getting really drunk and we wanted to be on hand in case of accidents. None of knew she was there until she kissed you," Ashley answered. "I am sorry about that. We took off the charms from the fireplace. Perhaps we should have kept it on, but we figured people would be flooing in and out."

"It's okay, I understand," I told her and I did.

Of course they'd been outside. I hadn't noticed obviously because I'd been too busy. They'd had to keep an eye on the drunk kids in the pool, and not an ex-girlfriend who might show up. Then I thought back to last night. Michelle had said that Ashley had known about her crush. I knew I couldn't get angry, but I had to mention it anyway. When we reached the bottom of the steps, I paused and turned to her.

"Michelle told me you'd known how she felt about me," I said to her.

She stopped too and looked at me with a weary expression.

"Yes, but I promised her I'd never tell you unless I thought you might like her back. I didn't figure it out until we had your birthday lunch yesterday. By then, there was too much going on. I couldn't tell you before then Hayden. I promised," Ashley answered. "I could never betray her trust like that. I did tell her that she should tell you yesterday. I haven't seen you look at a girl like since you were first interested in Cynthia."

"I'm not angry with you," I assured her. "I just had to say something. I did feel annoyed at first, but Michelle told me that you'd been keeping it secret since she was nine. She's your godchild too, so of course you couldn't tell me."

"Even if she wasn't, I still couldn't," Ashley said. "I am happy for you both though. Hayden, I should warn you that Keith wants to talk to you. Michelle, Ellen and Keith will be here later."

"So he's playing the scary daddy routine?" I asked smiling. "It's hard to imagine with Keith. Although he did nearly lose it about her and Clarissa wearing bikini's."

"I don't think he'll be too harsh on you," she said. "He's known you since you were a little boy. I think out of any boy she could date, he'd prefer it to be one he knows. I think they were even expecting for a romance to happen between Charles and Michelle. I believe it will just be your age he'll be the most worried about."

"I'm sure it's not just my age," I said.

"Likely not, but he knows you're a fine young man," Ashley told me. "Are you really not hung-over at all? You were quite drunk last night."

"Slight headache but that's about it," I said. "But I drank water for the rest of the night anyway. That likely helped. My mates tried to make me drink, but I didn't want to in case Michelle wanted to hang out more. Her friends would let her unfortunately. We probably won't get the chance to talk until later now."

"You'll have the rest of the summer," Ashley assured me with a smile.

"I hope you're not going to punish Alyssa for last night," I told her.

We began to walk again. We entered the living room to find some more sleeping forms on the floor. Craig and Minnie were sleeping under a blanket together. I saw Ashley smile at them as we walked by. I had a feeling it would be something she wouldn't mention to Tasha and Barry. At least she was easy-going about that. However, she knew they weren't going to do anything with so many people around. They wouldn't do it under her roof anyway. They weren't stupid. But then again, she seemed to have some insight when it came to teenagers that the other adults didn't seem to have.

"No we're not going to punish her," Ashley answered me after we left the living-room and entered the kitchen. "She was sticking up for you and Cynthia had it coming. We're just going to tell her that violence isn't the answer. I'm proud of her to be honest with you. I just can't tell her that."

In the kitchen, it was to find Ben and Ellen already making breakfast. The moment Ellen saw me, she grinned and walked over to give me a hug.

"If Michelle has to date anyone, I'm glad it's you," she told me.

"Keith might not agree with that," Ben said. "In fact, he might threaten to hex you. He plans to have a long talk with you later today. We'll be having a family meeting about it."

"I'm sorry about that," Ellen told me. "Pretend that we didn't warn you though. Keith will want to think he is taking you by surprise."

"I don't think I have to act surprised," I muttered as I headed over to help them with breakfast.

"Oh Hayden, don't help," Ashley said to me. "It was your birthday party last night after all."

"I don't mind," I said. "We're going to need a lot of food to feed this lot anyway. I need to keep busy. Trust me, I will be fine. We might need to make some hang-over potions too."

"Already have that covered," Ben told me. "I took take care of that the days leading up to this. We've always made sure we have them on hand where there is a party. Perhaps once we're done breakfast, you can start waking everyone and then we'll hand them out before they eat. We'll start taking most of them home afterwards. I doubt you any witnesses for you daddy lecture."

"No I definitely don't," I said.

Apparently most of the adults were fine with our relationship. No one seemed to care that she was just fourteen years old and I would be seventeen. Ellen was very enthusiastic in fact. The only person I had to worry about it seemed was Keith. I had a feeling he would come around though. After this, I'd be able to enjoy the rest of my summer with my new girlfriend.

On the first day of school, all the kids were able to come with us to see us off. September first was on a Saturday. Thankfully, they'd stopped being tearful since my first day all those years ago. They were all used to me leaving by this point. It was Alyssa's second year, so I didn't have to worry about any tears from my parents either. The twins were both grinning at the train. I was sure they were thinking that a year from now, it would be their turn. Trevor joined them moments later which made me turn to look around for Minnie through the heavy mist coming from the train. As I glanced around, a familiar screaming child made me pause though, and instead I began my search for Michelle. I knew Mickey's scream all too well.

"Something isn't right with that child," I heard Barry mutter as he joined my parents. He was holding his twins hands. Not too far from him, Tasha was talking to someone she must have known with Minnie by her side.

"Well, Ellen is going to have him go to therapy sessions a few times a week after school," Ashley told him.

"I feel sorry for his teachers," Barry told her.

As I watched them, I felt someone's hand grab mine and I turned to see Michelle grinning up at me.

"There you are," I said. "I heard Mickey, so I wondered where you were."

"I was helping Clarissa get her stuff on the train. They're like your mates. They want to have the same compartment every year. She wanted to get her trunk in their compartment right away. Alyssa appears to be busy at the moment. Who is that boy? I didn't know she had a boyfriend. I bet Ben flip's out."

I turned to look where Michelle was looking. Alyssa was giving some boy a hug. He looked familiar, but I didn't think he was her boyfriend. She would have told me anyway. I stared at him trying to place where I had seen him before.

"Oh that's just a friend of Richard's," I finally said as I finally remembered who he was.

Richard was close to his cousins and Clarissa, but he had a couple good friends of his own. Normally they would join them when they all hung out.

"Clarissa has never mentioned him, but I guess I've never asked. Ben doesn't look happy either way," Michelle said.

"He'll get over it," I said as I glanced at him now. He was staring at the boy (whose name I still didn't know) but Ashley gave him a nudge and shook her head. She said something that I didn't quite hear.

"So I am going to sit with my friends for a bit, but of course I'll join you as well," Michelle told me. "I promised the girls that I would tell them about our summer. I might as well put an end to their curiousity. I think they think we've been together since the break up."

"Just remember to tell me if Cynthia gives you a hard time," I told her. "I should get my trunk on the train. Don't go too far."

"I hope you get your compartment," Michelle said smiling as I released her hand.

"Already taken care of," and I nodded to where Marco was already leaning out the window of our compartment. "He always gets here super early just to be sure."

"Guess Cynthia will have to find a new compartment though," Michelle said.

"Yes, she will. She's always been in our compartment. I wouldn't put it past her to join though. So make sure you do try and find us. I'll be right back," I said.

I grabbed the handle of my trunk and dragged it to one of the doors of the train. Once I got there, I pulled out my wand to levitate it on. Marco was the only one in our compartment so far. I greeted him and then told him I'd be back in a bit. He nodded and then leaned out the window again. With him, after first year, his parents didn't stick around. They dropped him off and then left.

Back on the platform, the mist cleared slightly and I set eyes on my mother for the first time in eight years. The last time I'd seen her, she'd told me that I would no longer be her son. I froze as I stared over at her. She seemed frozen too as she stared at me. I was taller than she was now. Normally she'd kept hidden.

The adults weren't too far from me, more people had joined Ashley and Ben now. They all seemed to notice that I was gazing at something and I saw them all turn one by one. I saw Ashley take a deep breath and then step forward, but Ben grabbed her arm and he shook his head. I was glad he did this. I wanted to talk to her before they did. Seeing this, it helped me be able to move from my state of shock. The next thing I knew, my feet were moving me to her. I hadn't even thought of the movement. It just happened automatically. I didn't stop until I was standing about a foot from her.

"Hayden," she said whispered and then she held her arms open as if thinking I'd hug her.

"No," I said and I shook my head quickly. "Don't touch me. I don't want you touching me."

"Fair enough," she sighed and she lowered her arms. "I suppose I deserve that."

"Why are you showing yourself now?" I asked. "You've avoided this since my first year. Why today of all days?"

"I wanted to talk to you," she said. "I knew after that letter that you didn't want to see me again. Hayden, I was out of line. I can admit that. I can't believe how much you've grown. You were so small the last time I saw you."

"Obviously since I was eight," I said to her.

I didn't think she looked all that much different from the last time I'd see her. Perhaps she'd put some weight on, but she didn't look much older. I'd always thought even as a little boy that she'd been young looking. She could have been slightly older than Ben and Ashley. She had streaks of grey in black hair though. I searched her face for any resemblances between us. I had her eyes, her dark hair but I couldn't really see anything else that would tell people that we were son and mother. She wasn't much shorter than me.

"You've grown into a handsome young man," she said ignoring my lip. "I always knew you would. You were such an adorable little boy."

"Not cute enough to keep or to consider your son," I said. "I'm just good enough to be your friend or your foster kid."

"Hayden, I thought you were past your anger with me," she said. "You wrote to me for a reason when you were twelve."

"And maybe I shouldn't have," I said. "I've been an emotional roller coaster ever since. Well, it's been that way since the day you told me that I wasn't your son anymore."

I'd once heard Ashley use the 'emotional roller coaster' saying before. I thought it was right thing to say at this moment.

"Hayden, that was a hard day for me," she said.

"Not as hard as it was for me," I said angrily. "I was just eight-years-old. I was a little boy and I couldn't understand why my mum wouldn't want me anymore. I blamed magic for the longest time, and then Ashley got hurt and then I was terrified I'd lose another mother. For years I felt so adequate because of that. And then I couldn't take it at twelve anymore. I just had to write to you. Ever since then it's like you've been trying to pit me against Ashley and Ben. You once loved them and now you bad mouth them, and then you insult their twelve-year-old daughter. Then you try and tell me that I should move in as your foster kid! Do you ever think about how you make me feel? I just wanted some form of communication with you but all it's done is make me feel bad. You don't give a damn about me."

"Of course I care about you and I am not trying to turn you against your parents," mum said. "I still care about them."

I snorted. "You certainly have a great way of showing it mum," I said. "Why do you want to make me feel bad?"

"I don't want to make you feel bad. I don't mean to do it Hayden," she replied. "I don't know why I bad mouth them. I shouldn't do it and I most certainly shouldn't have insulted Alyssa. It's just a long time goes by before I write you. I just don't want you to think I don't want to talk to you."

"So instead you blame my parents for your ignorance," I said. "I will never move back in with you. I am where I need to be."

"You told me that Hayden."

"I needed to say it to your face. I'm not that eight-year-old boy who can't stand up for himself anymore. I'm not that little boy who you used to tell to just be normal. You should have given me up the day I was born. You shouldn't have spent almost nine years with me only to get rid of me. You shouldn't have told me eight years later that I could move in as your foster kid! I was past my anger with you when it came to my abandonment. At least I thought I was, but then all these angry feelings came back when you did that! I'm so damn mixed up because of you! I still want to talk to you, but at the same time I don't. I don't know how to feel. Seeing you again is bringing out all these emotions. I'm supposed to be happy because I am starting my sixth year, but I feel sad and angry and I don't know what else!" I told her furiously. "This is supposed to be a good year for me! I am a NEWT student, I am of age and I have a new beautiful girlfriend. Now I feel like crap!"

"I'm sorry Hayden. I didn't mean to ruin your day or year," mum said. "I'm sorry I took you by surprise. I needed to see you off as I usually do, but I should have kept it hidden."

"You should have showed yourself from the very beginning," I stated. "You caused stress for Ashley and Ben instead. I would have liked to see you on my first day of school. I was still a child and I had such high hopes back then. Now I know better."

"If you don't want to write anymore I will understand," mum told me. "I'll be sad but I will understand."

"Don't try and get my pity mum," I said. "Don't manipulate me. Write to me if you want and I will likely write back. I don't know yet. Just don't ever pull the stunt you did during the summer again. Next year, just show yourself."

"Will you meet me for dinner sometime?" She asked me.

"I'll think about it," I said and I backed up. "I need to say good-bye to my family now. Good-bye mum."

I turned away from her quickly. Everyone was standing together behind me. All the adults, all of the kids from the youngest ones to the oldest ones. Even some of my mates were standing with them. I could even see Cynthia standing not too far staring at me. A lot of the younger kids, including William and Cameron wouldn't know who she was on the street, but they all knew who she was just because I'd been talking to her. The moment I reached them, Ashley stepped forward to hug me.

"You did amazing Hayden," she told me. "I am so proud of you."

Everyone else murmured their agreement and I felt several hands patting my back. When I pulled away from her, Hailey rushed over to throw her arms around me. I bent down to lift her up.

"You're with your real mum and dad," she said as she wrapped her arms around my neck. "That woman isn't your real mum, even if you were in her tummy."

"You're right about that," I told her as I glanced over at Ben and Ashley. "You two are my parents. Nothing she says or does will ever change that. Everyone here is my family. She's just some woman who gave birth to me."

I glanced back in her direction to see that she was still in the same spot. She was staring at Hailey. Of course she'd never met her before, but I knew she knew who she was. Hailey noticed me looking at her and then she stared back. The two of them stared at each other almost as long as her and me had earlier.

"Put me down," Hailey said.

I set her down, and before I could stop her, she began walking over to mum.

"Hailey," Ashley called after her.

"Just let her," I said to Ashley quickly. "She'll be fine. Let her do this."

Mum looked at her in surprise. Hailey paused likely in the same spot I had. We couldn't hear what they were saying. There were too many people calling good-byes for us to do so. Then to my surprise, William and Cameron suddenly left the group to join her. Were they getting their sister or did they want to talk to her as well? As if not wanting to be left out, Alyssa walked over as well.

"What are they doing?" Tasha asked.

"Sticking up for Hayden," Minnie said.

"Should we be letting them do that?" Brianne asked.

"Yes, they want to stick up for their brother," Ashley said. "The rest of you lot really should start getting on the train. You can watch from the windows. I'll make sure Alyssa gets on."

"Yes come on, give us all hugs and get on the train. We'll tell you what happened or Alyssa will," Ellen said.

Everyone did just that. It was hard not to stare even as each of gave everyone there a hug. The four of them were still talking to her.

"Alyssa!" I heard Ashley call as we began climbing on the train. "It's time to go. The train will be leaving in five minutes."

We all watched as Alyssa turned away from her to hug her siblings and then she rushed over to the adults, and then over to us. I waited for her while everyone else climbed onto the train.

"What did you say to her?" I asked as we boarded.

"We just told her that we are your family now," Alyssa said. "She seemed as if she wanted our pity or something. I must say, for a quiet little girl, Hailey can be quite opinionated. I think she managed to make your mum feel ashamed."

"Good," I said. "I'll see you at Hogwarts Alyssa. Thank you for that, I appreciate it. I love you Alyssa."

I don't think I'd ever told her that before. She smiled up at me and then hugged me.

"I love you too Hayden," she said.

At that moment, I realized I hadn't hugged my brothers or my other little sister. I quickly turned to step off the train. I knew I still had a few minutes. The twins and Hailey were back with our parents now. I ran over to give all three a hug at the same time.

"Thank you," I said to them. "I love all three of you. I'll see you at Christmas."

"Hayden," Ben said warningly as the train whistle blew.

I stood up quickly and turned to hurry back on the train. The kids yelled their good-byes after me. I stepped on the train just in time. As soon as I was in the corridors, the door shut behind me. I hurried down to my compartment. What an interesting summer that had been. What a strange start to the school year. I certainly was a lucky person after all.


	8. Chapter 8

Ashley

The rest of the summer seemed uneventful until Hayden came over to inform Ben and me that Rachel was over stepping boundaries. She'd actually had enough nerve to tell him that if he wanted to, he could move back with her. I couldn't remember the last time I felt so angry. I wasn't even as angry with Alyssa after she'd said what she had. Perhaps because deep down I knew she hadn't been serious, and I'd been more hurt than anything. Now I felt nothing but rage. All I wanted to do was apparate to her town, track her down and slap her.

I managed to keep my temper in check while Ben and I talked to Hayden, but I was livid. It was very hard to just sit there. Years ago, I likely would have stormed off soon as I could, but I knew I couldn't. I knew that once Hayden was gone that I would to sit and talk to Ben about the best course of action. It took a long while because Hayden wanted to keep talking to us.

I knew he was worried that we were angry with him. He'd told her about Alyssa, but I wasn't upset with him. I was sure Ben wasn't either. How many times had I vented about my own sister? That's all Hayden had done. He couldn't have expected that she would write back and tell him to come back home. Alyssa had been out of line, and Hayden had told Rachel about it. He was just being the typical teenager who complained about his sibling.

After he was gone, Ben turned to me.

"You can't go on your own," he said instantly.

"I know," I said and then smiled. "How did you know I was thinking that?"

"You have to ask?" Ben asked with a grin. "We will go, but not yet. Hayden doesn't want to see her quite yet. We will do it when he goes back to school. She'll be at the train station anyway. She always is, and I have a feeling she definitely won't miss this year. She knows he'll be of age in the wizarding world."

"But she can't try and take him away can she? He's still a minor in the muggle world," I said.

Ben shook his head. "She signed away all rights to us. It stated that she couldn't try to get him back unless we agreed. Hayden won't go back to her. Besides, it's a process that can take months. If she actually did win, and I doubt she would since she willing gave him up, time would almost be up. It's been eight years and we've raised a fine young man. Too much is against her."

"Good," I said. "I just could see her trying that."

"She wants him to pretend to be her foster kid though," Ben said. "She wouldn't fight for him back. She'd have to let her husband in on the know first of all. As far as he knows, Hayden is living with his father now. She wouldn't be able to fight to get him back without telling her husband everything. Even that isn't something she could hide. He wouldn't understand why they can't tell Kyliegh the truth either. To be honest, I think she already knew Hayden's answer. I think she just wanted to cause problems again."

"I wonder what had gotten into that woman," I said with a sigh. "It's not like her. Something changed after she let him go. She at least used to love us and Hayden. It's not like she'd been hit with a personality changing charm or something."

"Maybe she isn't as happy as she claims to be," Ben said. "I never told you. I didn't see the point at the time, and it was only a passing thought for me anyway. I just had the impression she wasn't as happy as she has let on. Maybe giving up her first born did something to her, or maybe her marriage isn't as happy as she lets on. You know how some people are like when they aren't happy with their lives. They want to cause problems for people who are happy. She knows how much Hayden loves us. He loved us even before we took him in."

"So she basically wants to destroy that love for us, even though we took him in without hesitation when she gave him up?" I asked. "What was the point in giving him to us then? Why make him unhappy and us? She told us that she wanted him to have better life. To have a life she couldn't give him."

"I don't think that's the case. I think it's more the drama," Ben said. "Remember how some people were like in Hogwarts? Remember Ellen and Michael? They didn't want us to be unhappy but they just thrived on the drama."

"But they were teenagers," I pointed out. "She's forty-three."

"Some people never grow up honey," Ben reminded me. "It's completely messed up, but when people are unhappy they get off on it. Even if it lasts for a few moments, it's some excitement in their life."

"Well if that is the case, that makes me more angry than anything," I said. "She could get her thrills some other way. It's not right to mess with her child's head like that. It affects him more than it does us. All this is doing is stressing him out, and he is about to start the most important two years of his life. He doesn't need to be stressing about her when he needs to be focussing on school. I am glad he wants to stay with us for a couple of years to just relax. He deserves it after everything he has been through."

"I'm glad too," Ben agreed. "I was even going to suggest to him to stay home or even travel but I was worried how he would react to that. He's such a stubborn child, especially when it comes to his independence and not relying on people. He's always been like that. I'm glad that we can use two years to spoil him. He's welcome to stay longer than that. I'm glad it was him who brought it up."

"I am too. I hope all of them will do that," I said. "I'm not ready to let any of them go. I am not suggesting they pull a Brenda, but I want them to relax. I never want them to go through what we did. What you did."

"You know I wouldn't take any of that back," he reminded me.

It was something we'd discussed a few years ago on my thirtieth birthday. I knew he didn't have any regrets and I didn't need any reminding. Long ago I'd let go of my anxieties. That wasn't to say that I didn't still have some. I didn't think I'd ever be the same way before Hailey, but I was a lot better than I used to be. I knew now that when Ben said something, he meant it.

"You don't have to remind me," I told him with a smile and I reached to take his hand. "We learned our lessons from it, and now we can make sure our kids don't make those ones. Of course they'll make some of their own and learn from it but I hope they can learn from ours."

"It's the best we can hope for," Ben replied and then he stood up and stretched. "Let's go inside and relax a bit. None of the kids are home and soon enough we're going to have a lot going on with all of them returning to school. Let's worry about Rachel on the first day of school."

"Can you believe the boys will be starting next year?" I asked as I took his hand again and stood up.

It had been crazy for me when Alyssa had started, but for some reason I thought it would be even harder for me when the twins went. Perhaps because to me they would always be my little boys. I'd always felt that Alyssa was my little girl of course, and she'd even pointed out to me that she was tired of it. However, now I can see her as a growing girl. With my boys, they were still my little boys and I thought it would be harder to see them as grown even at Alyssa's or Hayden's ages. Hayden had always been older than his age, so it hadn't been hard except on his first day of school. Maybe Alyssa had a point that I made them wait longer, and not because William could be irresponsible. Maybe with them it would be as hard to let them go as it would be with Hailey.

"I don't want to think about it," Ben said as we entered the kitchen. "It's hard imagining that my little girl is starting her second year. Second year is when they usually start dating."

"It's nothing that serious though," I said. "Hayden's first girlfriend lasted maybe a month. Any girl after that wasn't much longer if it was that. It wasn't until he and Cynthia got together that anything became serious. You weren't all that serious with Melanie even if she was controlling and Denver and me weren't even if we thought we were."

"You two were more serious than any of us," Ben said.

"No, Anne and Michael were the most serious," I reminded him. "Anyway, you have nothing to worry about when it comes to Alyssa. She has no one in mind at the moment. I think she is smarter than either of us were at that age. I do worry about Clarissa though. It's not just from things Alyssa has told me. It's the way she acts too. I have a feeling we have another Ellen on our hands. After what Michelle told us, I've been watching her."

Ben nodded but he didn't say anything else to it. He just pointed to the living-room.

"Go on and put in a movie," he told me. "I'll make some snacks. Let's just enjoy our kid free afternoon. It won't last."

I was glad it wouldn't last though. As much as we needed a break from them at times, I knew I would miss them when they were all at school. I already missed the sticky fingers and sticky kisses. Some things about having kids were gross of course, but sometimes I thought I would even miss that. Cameron used to hide uneaten food around whatever room he had eaten it, and every night I would have to summon it out. However, as annoyed as I was back then, I would take that moment back even for one night. He hadn't done that since shortly after Hayden went away to Hogwarts.

At one time I'd been anxious about them getting hurt when they were little, now I was anxious for the time when they'd be gone.

Preparations for Hayden's seventeenth birthday took up most of my time. I could have hired Ellen to do it. It's what she did for a living, but I wanted to do this on my own with Hayden and Ben. I didn't care if it didn't seem professional and neither did Hayden. He too was happy that it was the three of us preparing for it.

Our peace with the kids didn't last long. Hayden changed his mind about not letting Alyssa go. Now he wanted her there, and William was very angry about it. He wasn't impressed at all that she was going and he and Cameron couldn't. He kept bringing up the fact that she was rewarded for things and he never was. He even went as far as calling her a 'bitch' and then he threw her food at her with magic.

People often assured me that I wasn't spoiling the kids, but situations like that made me second guess everything. Sure children threw temper tantrums all the time, but Alyssa had acted out at the beginning of the summer and now William was. I'd never pulled that kind of stunt, especially at the age of twelve. I would never even dare throw something in my mum's face at the age of twelve. Not only because I knew better, but because I knew I'd be punished. I wouldn't have dreamed of doing it anyway.

Alyssa for the most part was a good girl, but I couldn't ignore some of her temper tantrums that could be over the top. She'd run away to Hogwarts because she'd been angry with us. I would never have left the house at age seven without saying something to mum first.

William on the other hand always acted spoiled. He brought up our money often. Ben was already working on a plan to teach him the true meaning of money. I was glad about that, but perhaps we should have started the kids on that earlier. He even threw our money his classmates face. If he didn't get his own way, he didn't just get angry, he would basically have an emotional break down. We talked to him, we punished him and we talked to him some more, but for some reason we weren't getting through to him. It worried me for when he was a teenager.

"I'm surprised you changed your mind about Alyssa," Ben said to Hayden bringing me out of my brooding thoughts. "You were so adamant about not letting her go. Now you're inviting her and her friends. I thought you didn't want twelve-year-old's at your party."

Hayden had a list of idea's in front of us that we were discussing. He'd apparently written them out when we'd all gone to my parents for dinner. He hadn't wanted to go for some reason. At times I thought it was still because of his mother. He didn't often want to go out to my mum's and step-father's. He preferred it when they came to visit. I would have thought he'd want to go considering Minnie was living there for the summer.

"Because Michelle made a good point to me," he said. "When we invited her to hang-out with us in Niagara Falls, she'd been thrilled. We were finally seeing her as one of the big kids instead of the little kids. Clarissa I guess has been kind of insecure all summer about being more grown up. We know Alyssa has been too. I promised Alyssa that I would start treating her like a big kid more. Inviting her to my party helps with that for both of them. I'm letting Richard and Mackenzie too so that the girls are at least distracted. Alyssa knows the rules though."

"She'll be on her best behaviour," I predicted. "I know it means a lot to her, and if she has to tie Clarissa down, she will."

"I hope you don't change your mind about the boys though," Ben said raising his eyebrows. "I don't want ten-year-olds at that party. I don't care how much it would mean to them. It's pushing it a bit with Alyssa, but I know they'll be fine."

Hayden shook his head and smirked at Ben. "There is no way I am changing my mind, especially after that tantrum William had at dinner the other night. I don't want ten-year-olds at my party either. They'll expect for Trevor to come too likely. If I allow them, I might as well allow a bunch seven-year-olds there. No. I just want it to be Hogwarts kids there. I didn't even want Alyssa there, but Michelle had a point and the only reason I am doing it is just so Alyssa feels grown up like she wants. If she blows it at this party; she won't be allowed again."

"That's all I need to hear," Ben said.

"And Hayden, I know you don't want us spending all our time outside, so we won't. However, someone will go outside every fifteen minutes just to check up on you. It's a pool party with kids drinking. Part of me already feels irresponsible for allowing it, but I remember Ben's parents let us do the same thing and we were fine. Maybe it's just getting old, but it just feels wrong to me. I hate the thought of it, but perhaps even Brenda is rubbing off on me," I told him. "Towards the end of the party, we will be sitting out on the patio. There won't be any if, ands or buts. Their parents are trusting us. They of course know that people are drinking, but they are trusting us that we are keeping an eye on all of you. It was the only way we could make sure that the patio wasn't full of the others kids parents too."

"Would that have actually happened?" Hayden asked me with raised eyebrows.

"Yes," Ben said quickly. "A lot wrote. They know that at sixteen and seventeen that their kids are drinking. They know it's a coming of age party too. We had to reassure them that we had plenty of mature and sober adults on hand to watch all of you."

"I think parents are a lot more stricter now-a-days," I said to Ben. "That never happened with yours."

"Yes it did," Ben told me. "My parents just never told us. It was the same with Brianne and Barry too. It took a lot of reassuring back then and it does now. Be honest, you'd want the same for our kids too."

"I would," I said without hesitation before I looked at Hayden. "So I hope there is no argument about this."

"I already assumed," Hayden told me. "It's not exactly unreasonable. As long as you aren't hovering, I really don't care. You can even sit on the patio all night if you want."

"No, we'll give you some space," Ben said. "We're having our own little party inside. Enough people will be staying to divide up the time to check on you lot."

"Sober party remember," Hayden said to him with a wink. "Parents are trusting you as you know."

"Well, we'll probably have a little," I said. "We won't get drunk of course, but a drink or two won't hurt. Someday you'll be drinking with your parents."

"I already have," Hayden pointed out.

"Not in the way we do it, or you do it for that matter," Ben said. "You've just had a shot or two or maybe wine with us. Someday you'll come to our parties with your friends when you're out of Hogwarts. We did with my parents. I never thought that would happen."

"They joined us more. They still do," I said. "And chances are Brenda will stay. If Richard is here, she'll probably try to be in the middle of it."

"Oh please don't let her be outside," Hayden said with a loud sigh. "She'll lecture all of my friends. If one person can ruin my party, it won't be a twelve-year-old; it will be an uptight aunt who can't keep her opinion to herself. Richard's going to snap on her someday."

"He already has and will keep doing so," Ben said. "And don't worry about Brenda. I can't see her staying. She still gets anxiety with being away from Anthony and Dakota. If anyone will snap it will be Dakota for sure."

"Good," Hayden said firmly. "Now about the fireworks; Andrew and Craig do want to set off their own. So your friends can set off theirs during the day party but they'll want to set off the rest."

If they want to set them all off they can," Ben told him. "We can compromise over fireworks. I don't really care about any of that. Hank, Stan and Jared have always enjoyed setting them off but I'm sure it won't hurt their feelings if they can't. My biggest thing is that you at least sit with us for the day party. Your friends can claim you at night, but we want you for the day. You're going back to Hogwarts very soon. Let us have this."

Hayden gave a shrug. "I really don't care about any of that. I already expected it. Look, the two of you really don't need to tell me all of this. I already know what to expect. I'm not William, and you know that when they have their party they won't want any of this. William had already started to fight with you about that."

"You were at school for that," Ben told him sounding amused. "How did you know that?"

"William isn't all that different from Alyssa. Well, I'd say the only difference is that he didn't show up to Hogwarts in protest. He did write me a long note on the parchment about it though," Hayden answered Ben with a big grin. "As much as those two claim not to be the same, they really are. Sometimes I think if it weren't for the age difference it could be Alyssa and William who are the twins or Cameron and Hailey."

Hayden didn't have a point when it came to that. Alyssa and William absolutely hated it when we dared to compare them. They were quite similar in personality, but Alyssa wasn't quite as tempered as William and she was more responsible. However, when they both felt that something wasn't fair, they didn't hold back with speaking their minds. Cameron did at times too, but most of the time his brother was his voice.

"It wouldn't be as interesting though," Ben said. "I suppose I am not that surprised. I do need to have another talk with my boy, but now is not the time. Now, you haven't said what kind of cake you want."

This went on for the rest of afternoon. I'd just been thinking that it was hard to believe that my twins were growing up, but it wasn't hard when it came to Hayden. However, now that I thought about it, I'd never believed it would be this soon for us to be celebrating his seventeenth. No matter how grown up he had always seemed, I suppose I wasn't ready for this. Even if we hadn't adopted him, it would still be hard for me. If we were sitting here planning this with Rachel and Hayden was just visiting, it would still be hard. I'd felt he was my child since we'd came back from for our trip after Hogwarts.

The night before Hayden's birthday party, I found Ben sitting on the couch in our room. He was busy working on some notes Tara had given. He was still trying to decide if he wanted to go into Magical Law eventually instead of staying Healing. Either that, or he wanted to do both. He just didn't know if he could. He didn't want to give up completely with Healing since he'd spent so much time with it. He also loved being an onsite Healer, but he felt it wasn't enough. So he wanted to see if he could maybe do one of them part time.

Tara was giving him some fake assignments to work on. She wanted to see if he was up to it or not. He'd wanted to try and work on Jared's case with her, but she wouldn't let him. He was too close too Jared for one thing, for another, he wasn't in the Magical Law department yet, so she couldn't give him a real assignment and she didn't want his opinions when it came to that. Apparently Jared's case was really difficult since he was a bloke and often the justice system was in favour of the mother. Jared had told me that, but I hadn't take him seriously. I thought he'd just been making excuses, but he was correct. He had a big fight ahead of him, and she didn't want Ben or me involved with it anymore. Instead, she just made up situations and gave them to Ben to work on.

I figured if anyone could work two jobs at once, Ben could do it. I had managed at time and he was more capable than me. I just hoped that it wouldn't be too much for him again. He'd assured me if it got to that point again, he would quit one of his jobs. He never wanted to go through what he had eight-years ago.

I watched him read through the assignment. He seemed unaware of me watching him which was unusual. Normally he could sense my presence more than I could his. Perhaps the assignment was so interesting that he wasn't aware of anything at the moment. He'd recently discovered that he liked reading up on things like this, and he often wondered about representing someone in the Wizengamot. I couldn't help but smile at him as I watched him. It reminded me of him back at Hogwarts when he got into an assignment. At times it had annoyed me, but it could be endearing as well. I missed it and now I understood why he seemed to enjoy it when I got into my studies. It brought back memories of more innocent times.

After a moment of staring at him, I walked over to him and then cuddled up into his lap.

"Well this is unexpected," Ben murmured. He set his assignment down on the table and then hugged me tightly. "It's been a long time since you've done this."

There was truth to this, but it was because we'd both been so busy or too tired or he wasn't home. We didn't each other too much affection in front of the kids because it made them uncomfortable. They were getting to that age where it seemed weird for them to see their parents kiss or cuddle the way we were at the moment. Usually we reserved this kind of thing for when they were in bed or gone for the night. All summer neither of us really had the time. I just leaned my head against Ben's shoulder as he hugged me tighter.

"Everything okay?" He asked when I didn't respond.

"I'm fine," I finally told him. "Just thinking about our first one turning seventeen soon and all. Seeing you do that assignment reminded me of you studying back in Hogwarts. I never thought I'd see it again."

"I think the same thing when I see you working on your Charms assignments," Ben said to me. "I'd love to go back to Hogwarts even for just a day."

"I know what you mean," I said to him. "I can't believe our kids are taking it over. Sometimes I think I am going to wake up and we're going to be first years again and this has all been a very long dream. I used to have future dreams when we were in school."

"Did any of them come true?" Ben asked. "You never told me any of that."

"I never gave dreams too much thought," I said. "Not unless they were nightmares or something but otherwise I'd forget about them. I did have a dream about you and me in the first year though you know."

"Good or bad?" Ben asked. "Now you have me intrigued. It can't have been to sexual because you were still innocent then. I bet you didn't even think about shagging until you third year."

"Not quite," I said with a smile. "I didn't have my sexual dreams until later on though. No, I had quite a few dreams about us snogging though. This was about the time when we weren't getting along either. Actually, the first one came that first New Years eve. Maybe that should have been a sign for me that I was in love with you back then instead of thinking it was Denver."

"I dreamed of snogging you too," Ben told me. "But you know me, back in first year I would never have admitted it. So what happened? You have me curious now. Did we fight and then snog our brains out? That's what should have happened."

I giggled.

"That's exactly what happened," I said to him. "I dreamed that we argued about my sister and then we started to snog. I wouldn't be too flattered though Ben, I had them about Michael too. I think it was my way of coping when I got in fights with people."

"Even with the girls? That's hot? Did you and Ellen ever-" I put a hand over his mouth before he could even finish.

That was something people had actually asked us in the past. I knew that Jess, Anne and Erica had experimented with each other but Ellen and me had never considered it. At least I hadn't, I couldn't speak for her but I had my doubts that she had.

"You're a prat," I said moving my hand away. "No, it was just with any of the boys. Disgustingly enough, I even had them about Xavier and Don. It's like my subconscious thought that was the best way to fix a fight."

"It usually is," Ben told me. "With the right people of course. I just think even at a young age you wanted it. I'm just glad you only dreamed it and you never went around the castle like most people did. It was one of the things I admired about you."

"That was more to do with my self-esteem than anything," I said to Ben. "Remember, once I trusted Jared enough I had no problem with sleeping with him. I regret that now, especially with Alyssa asking questions about it. Thankfully she's smarter than me though. She wants it to be special but I hate her knowing that her mum's first time was in a broom closet."

"It's why I didn't want you two to talk about it," Ben replied. "I don't want her to get any ideas. I'd hate to think of what Ellen's girls will think when they find out how much she got around the castle, especially if you're right about Clarissa."

"It's best for Alyssa to have the right idea," I told him. "It's better if she isn't left in the dark. I know she could easily have lied to my face, but I trust our daughter. She has no intention of shagging until she is older and she's in a relationship. She's was actually upset with me for thinking that I needed to with Jared in a closet. In fact, she thought he took advantage of my drunken state and my insecurity. She's a smart girl, Ben. The kids need to be informed of this stuff so they don't do anything stupid."

"I think she's right about Jared, but we've all thought that for years. He was in love with you and he wanted you. He knew you wouldn't want him to think you weren't pressured into it," Ben said.

"Well I wasn't," I said with annoyance. "It was stupid yes but it takes two to tango. Anyway Ben, what do you mean by Ellen? All she ever did was snog boys."

"You seriously believe that?" Ben asked me. "After all this time you still believe she only shagged in relationships? I thought you have figured it out after Jared and Sam confessed to shagging her."

"Well her and Jared did date and Sam is one bloke," I said. "What exactly are you talking about Ben?"

"You might want to have a talk with your best friend," Ben told me. "She wasn't completely honest with you about a lot of things. Neither was I for that matter. I don't mean with the shagging of course. I was always honest about that, but with some of the partying. I thought you'd disapprove."

"Of what exactly?" I asked.

What exactly could he have done at a party for me to disapprove? I'd been at all the same parties as him.

"Michael, Ellen and me often smoked weed," Ben told me.

"And you didn't let me? I was always curious about it but I thought you of all people would disapprove. I could have gotten some from Jaime of course, but I didn't because I didn't want you to be disappointed in me. Why did the three of you think I was such a prude? That stuff is harmless," I said with annoyance.

Ben started to laugh. "Would you agree if one of the kids said that to you?"

"No I wouldn't but that's not the point Ben. Don't try and distract me. Why did you three leave me out of it, and I want to know more about Ellen," I said.

"I don't know why we kept you out of it," Ben said to me. "I think Michael and Ellen even said you'd join in. Tell you what, the four of us will do it some night."

I rolled my eyes. "That cheers me up Ben. We're all parents and we want to get high... Anyway, tell me more about Ellen."

"It's better than being drunk and of course none of them would be home. I think we should have included you. Anyway, Ellen got around that castle a lot Ashley. She didn't just snog. In fifth year she shagged different blokes all the time. I don't even know if she knows that I know. Blokes talks about that kind of thing though. It was annoying listening to them and I wanted to believe that some of them were lying, but unfortunately I'd heard stories from Stan as well. All of them described the birthmark she has. Apparently she has one, well, in a private area of her body."

"I know which one," I said quickly. "When you live in close quarters with girls you see all of each other from time to time. It's not that you want to, it just happens. Besides, Ellen was never shy about nudity. I don't believe she shagged that many boys though."

"Well ask her about it," Ben told me.

"You know blokes talk and if Stan mentioned that birthmark, others would obviously mention it too," I said.

"Blokes lie but I don't think they were with her," Ben said. "I know you don't want to believe anything bad about Ellen, but does the name Zachary ring any bells for you?"

"Of course," I replied quickly. "She hung out with him in the summers. Sometimes she introduced me to friends of his to hang out. There was another one before him too, but I don't remember his name. His mate Eric and me were penpals for a little bit but we lost touch after a while."

"Well she cheated on Stan with Zachary, and before you protest, it was Stan who told me. You know Stan would never lie about that. He told me when you were pregnant with Hailey still. I never told you because I didn't want to cause stress between you and Ellen. You two were already upset as it was. Stan was telling me that Ellen was telling him that maybe it was karma for what a bad person she was," Ben told me.

"Karma?" I asked. "How would that be karma for her exactly?"

"I don't know. You know she felt, well she still feels horrible. She cried for months, even after knowing that Hailey was fine. I think she just meant she deserved to have that horrible feeling of guilt after everything she'd done," Ben said with a shrug.

"You're right," I said with a sigh. "My best friend and me need a long talk. Maybe tomorrow after we go inside. I can't believe she slept around and she cheated on Stan. I can't believe she kept all that from me."

"She didn't want you to think less of her," Ben told me. "I think that's another reason why we didn't tell you about the weed. I hope you won't be too harsh on her though."

"It was a long time ago Ben," I said. "I'm more annoyed that she kept it all from me."

"The only one who knew was Michael," Ben told me. "She had no problem with confessing it to him. She knew he wouldn't judge her and he did the same to Anne."

I stared at Ben. Why were all these secrets coming out the night before Hayden's party? Michael had actually cheated on Anne? He'd been so depressed when they'd broken up for good!

"I'm sorry to unload so much on you," Ben said to me. "I don't know why we started this conversation now. I guess we were talking about old times so much and it turned to confessions and that. It's our first sons birthday party tomorrow."

"Well, I think you and me need to take Michael and Ellen into another room and talk to them tomorrow," I said. "It's time some truths came out. I'm not judging them. They were fourteen and fifteen when all that happened. I just hate all these secrets. I thought we were past all that. I don't have anything kept from any of you. Please tell me there isn't anything else besides the weed," I said.

"Nothing that I can think of," Ben answered. "I've always been honest with you or at least I've tried to be and we fought a lot of those demons in Florida. I'll try to think about it though and if there is anything I'll let you know. Come on, there has to be something that you haven't told me from Hogwarts."

"You know everything," I said. "The only big secret I kept from you was the Skiving Snackboxes. Ellen told you about that though and we talked about that ages ago. I really don't think there is anything else. If I haven't told you something I think it's probably some minor mundane thing."

"Nothing is mundane when it comes to you," Ben told me. "But you can't really blame Michael and Ellen. Look, they loved you, well they still do. They kept it from you because they were so worried about you judging them. They didn't keep it from you because they didn't trust you. They were worried you'd think less of them. I think after a while, so much time passed that they didn't see the point."

"Do Shelly and Keith know?" I asked.

"Yes, Ellen told Keith everything. That's how she knew he was the one for her. It wasn't just because he accepted her love for me back then. He knew everything about her and he didn't give a damn. He loved her anyway, and that's why she let me go. She knew that I wouldn't have accepted something like that, even if I did eventually fall for her. I could never be with someone who would cheat. You do know that she would have cheated with Stan if it were me," Ben said.

"Yes, that is true. She admitted that to me more than once and of course she was still with Stan when she asked you out," I said.

There was a knock on the door and then I heard William calling for me.

"Damn," Ben said as I began to get up.

"I'll be back, don't worry," I told him and I leaned down to kiss him.

"I know," Ben said. "I'm going to get the bath ready for us. You go tend to him. We need some spoiling before Hayden's party."

"Is that what you call it now?" I asked him.

I winked at him before I hurried to open the door. I found William staring up at me looking tearful in a pair of Hayden's old Gryffindor pajamas. William rarely cried, even from nightmares. Whatever it was that was bothering him was something serious. I wished that he was still small enough for me to pick him up and carry him, but he was too heavy now. Instead, I just pulled him close to my side and then led him back to his room.

"Are you feeling sick?" I asked him.

"No," he answered.

"Then why the tears? You never get like this William," I said to him as we went into his room.

"I don't want everyone to hate me," he told me after I shut his door.

"How could anyone possibly hate you?" I asked him.

I sat down on of the chairs and then pulled him into my arms. Just as he used to do when he was a little boy, he really let go. I couldn't remember the last time he'd actually cried this hard. All I could do is let him sob until he calmed down. He would talk once he did. He'd always do that as a little boy. There was no point in asking, all I could do was try and comfort him. I rubbed his back until he started hiccoughing. I then conjured a cup and then poured some water into it.

"Drink up and then tell me what this is about," I told him. "I don't understand how you can think that."

William drank up the water and then set the cup on the table beside us.

"I've been such a bad boy and everyone has been so angry with me," he said.

"That doesn't mean we could hate you," I said. "William, I don't think there is anything you could do to make me hate you."

"I used magic against Alyssa," he said.

"And we punished you for that," I told him.

"I didn't get new clothes this year," he said.

"Because of your attitude William. I don't want you growing up thinking that you never have to work," I told him.

"I know I have to work," he told me. "But there is nothing wrong with being proud of having money. Why should I be ashamed of it?"

"There is a difference between being proud and flaunting your wealth. We explained to you why we gave you most of Hayden's old clothes. You need to understand money and that you can't just rely on new clothes and your trust fund. For the record, I grew up with my sisters old clothing. I just don't want you to think you're too good to have hand-me-downs either. I want you to understand that everything in life you have to earn. You're ten-years-old now. You're getting to that age and already you've proven you can't be trusted. I want you to prove to your father and me that you can be. When you're twelve, I want to know I can trust you to watch Hailey. I think that you, Alyssa and Cameron can divide up the baby-sitting," I told him.

"I don't think I am too good for Hayden's old clothing. I just don't like how Cameron got new clothes but I didn't," William said. "And I can take care of Hailey now."

"What about when you forgot to pick her up? What about when I only slipped over to Ellen's for few minutes and you were upstairs? William, you have to show me that I can fully trust you. If you can show me that you can be a responsible young man and with no attitude at all, you and me will go pick out some new clothes for school," I told him. "William, someday you're going to be on your own. I know to you it seems like a long time because you're still a little boy but the time does go quick. My mum started to teach me responsibility and about money when I was even younger. I want you to learn now and continue with those habits when you are all grown up and on your own. You also need to learn you're not always going to get your own way. You can't throw a temper tantrum to get your own way."

"I don't do it to get my own way. I know I won't. I just get angry and I can't help it," William told me. "I didn't throw food at Alyssa because I thought I'd be rewarded. I did it because I was angry. I thought about it and it happened."

"But William, you're getting too old for these tantrums," I said. "You're ten-years-old now. Do you honestly think your teachers at Hogwarts will take you seriously if you do that? They won't. Not only will you get put in detention but I think the other kids will see you as a spoiled brat. The older kids at Hogwarts can be brutual to first and second years. Ask Alyssa and Hayden. They'll tell you all about it. If you pull any of the stunts that you do here or at school, you won't hear the end of it. Not only that, but they'll pick on your classmates too. They'll say all firsties are like that and your classmates may resent you for it."

"But I don't mean to do it," William said. "I just get angry and then it happens."

"Well then we need to teach you to control your anger," I said. "Honestly, we should have done that years ago and I regret that we didn't. Maybe we could send you to Hayden's therapist for a bit."

"I'm not mental," William said.

"Neither is Hayden but he helped him control his anger. It's not nice to say that anyway William. Therapists or Mind-Healers as they are called help a lot of people. We wouldn't send you long term and it's not a punishment honey. It's just a few sessions for you to learn to channel your anger better," I said. "He's very good at that. I'm sure you remember when Hayden went through his rages and he learned to control it."

"Hayden could teach me," William said.

"Only Hayden is going back to school very soon. If you truly don't want to go we won't send you but we need to do something William. I don't want you reacting like that at Hogwarts," I told him.

"It wouldn't be forever?" William asked me.

"No, I don't think you'd need more than three or so but we need to talk to your dad before we make any decisions," I told him. "You just need to go long enough so that you don't react that way. Maybe you could tell me why you are so angry though."

"I'm not angry," he said. "At least not all the time. I just don't like when things don't go my own way and then I just get very angry."

"William, you're not always going to get your own way. I hate to break it to you but it doesn't work that way in life. We've never let you get your own way when you don't deserve it. So why do you think that you should?" I asked.

"I don't know," William said with a shrug. "I know you haven't and I just don't like it. I can't explain it mum."

"Well William, you need to learn that now. When you're in the real world, you definitely won't get your own way," I told him. "I don't know what we've done to make you think that this behaviour is okay but it's not. William, Alyssa even told me that you want us to see you as a big boy. We can't when you act like this and when you tell me things like this. How can I trust you're even okay when you tell me that you can't even control your anger."

And it would be all our fault. I thought to myself. All this time we'd thought he was okay and that he was just being your typical kid. However, he acted out more than the others. What if he truly did have anger issues. Alyssa had a point when she said we always focussed on Hayden and Hailey, and even Cameron. Mum had told me that five years ago. What if we'd been neglecting William all this time and he had something mentally wrong with him? I'd have to talk to Ben as soon as I put William to bed.

"I'm fine mum," William told me. "Don't be thinking I am mental or something cause I am not."

"I'm not thinking that," I said to him.

"You're worrying about something," he retorted. "Don't think I don't notice. I've always been able to notice when you're worrying. We all have always noticed. It's why you went away all those years ago. It was cause you were stressed and now stressing about me. Don't think we don't notice that stuff cause we do, even Hailey."

"Well William, it's hard for me not to worry when it comes to what you just said to me," I told him. "We obviously haven't been giving you the attention you need. We need to fix that now. For now, I want you to go to sleep. You be a good boy tomorrow and for the rest of the summer and we'll see about the clothes."

"I don't need new clothes," William said. "I don't care about it. I just wanted to know why I didn't get any but Cameron did. I don't care about what I wear or if it's hand-me-downs. It's just clothes. I'll be good. Don't stress mum."

After I tucked William into bed, I went into the hall to lean against the wall. It was kind of bad when my old children picked up on my own stress. My ten-year-old son wasn't supposed to worry or notice things like that. It had been bad enough when Hayden had noticed or even Alyssa. From now on, I had to be careful around them. It had been bad enough when they'd had to comfort me after I'd told Hailey's story. My intention had been to tell them what happened, not for them to reassure me but they'd picked up on my need for them to understand. I was glad they didn't blame me, but it was never supposed me the kids reassuring the parents.

Ben wanted a relaxing bath, but unfortunately we'd have to talk about our son first. I let out a sigh and then headed back to our bedroom.

Thankfully Ben didn't see anything wrong with William seeing the therapist. He figured five sessions maximum was fine unless the therapist thought he should go to more. He didn't think it was more than just William acting out but he said we'd see for sure.

"And children always pick up on your parents stress," Ben told me. "And it's not just you. It happened with me too. Also, you picked up on your mum's stress. I picked up on my parents stress. It happens even when we don't want it too. Children are more observant than we give them credit for. I thought you knew that."

"I do know that," I replied. "But it's different when your kid sits there and tells you they can tell. It isn't that I don't know that. It just makes me feel guilty when I am supposed to be the one reassuring him. It was bad enough when they picked it up when they were just two. All I've always wanted was for our kids to grow up without too much stress. I've never wanted them to feel neglected and I think that is William's biggest problem. He really has felt left out. I know they'll notice we get stressed but I don't like them reassuring me."

"I reassured my parents plenty of times," Ben told me. "Look, this is something that is likely going to keep happening. You can't stress yourself about it every time. Let me reassure you that it's not just you either. They've reassured me too. Talk to all the parents tomorrow if you have to. You could even ask your mum about this too. She told me about it. When you were six, shortly after your dad died, you found her crying. You sat there and you reassured her that everything would be okay."

"I don't remember that," I said. "But I don't remember much the months after his death. I know we can't be super parents but it still makes me feel guilty."

"Believe me, I know. Now, let me help you relax," Ben told me with a smile.

I knew he was determined to make sure I was happy, especially with Hayden's party the next day. He managed to do so, and I slept quite well that night. I had the alarm set so that we could get up before he did. I wanted to have a breakfast prepared for him, and we also had most of the family coming over to sit with him. They all wanted to spend some time with him before his friends took him over.

In fact, by the time I was ready and I had the younger kids up and ready, it was to find that everyone was already downstairs. Even my sister was downstairs with her son Graysen and her husband Chris. I was surprised to see her. I'd invited her of course, but she didn't often come just because of the magic even though I'd taken care of that years ago. She was still suspicious even now.

Sure enough, while I was in the kitchen preparing food, she walked in to see that I was doing it with my wand as usual.

"Do you have to do that?" She hissed. "What if Graysen walks in here?"

"He will see nothing out of the ordinary," I said. "How many times do I have to tell you? There is a spell to make sure that muggles forget any magic they see. If Graysen sees anything, he forgets a second later. Bloody hell, maybe I should start casting it on you as well so you don't see it either."

"You know I don't want to be tricked!" She snapped.

"So quit bitching about it!" I snapped back. "I am trying to make an amazing birthday for my oldest son. I want Graysen to be able to come here, so I made sure a long time ago to make sure that he never sees anything he shouldn't! There have been many times when the twins have accidentally done magic in front of him, and he never noticed. How many times do I have to explain that to you? I did that over seven-years ago after you came to meet Hailey the first time. Any time I know you're coming over, I make sure that the charm is still working. If we go over there, I cast it on him just in case. When Graysen is here, all he sees is what you call normal!"

Fuming, I turned back to breakfast. Graysen was a very observant child and he questioned everything. If he had seen anything out of the ordinary, he would have spoken up by now. Other than when he was very little, he had never seen anything. We of course tried our best not to do magic when he was over, but today of all days it would be hard to prevent it. Ben had already tested the charm out by summoning something in front of Graysen without my sister noticing. Graysen hadn't noticed. He just kept talking to the twins as if nothing had happened.

"You can't blame me for worrying," she snapped back.

"I can when I've explained it to you many times," I said. "I've respected your wishes when it comes to him. Ben and I have done everything to make sure of that."

Angrily I pointed my wand at one of the pans and it shot off the stove and landed on the floor. Eggs scattered everywhere.

"Hmm, and I wonder why I don't like it," Jaime said sarcastically.

"Jaime, go into the dining-room!"

I looked up in surprise to see that mum had entered the kitchen with a few others. Mum was glaring at her oldest daughter with her arms folded.

"You know I don't want the magic in front of him," Jaime said to her. She almost sounded like she was whining.

It took me back in time to when we were teens and she would complain about the magic. Mum would always stick up for me no matter what. Even now when she was thirty-four years old she seemed timid by her mother. It could have been over twenty years ago when she'd been upset about me redecorating my room. Now she was staring at the floor while my mother glared over at her.

"Graysen won't see anything he shouldn't," mum told her. "You know that. We are all here for Hayden. Can you put your feelings aside for him for one day?"

"It's why I am here," she said. "For Hayden, but I don't understand why everyone can't prevent the magic for a child's sake."

"Jaime, are you being stupid on purpose?" Brianne asked.

She'd never liked my sister. She did her best to be nice to her, but she disliked her. She'd heard stories from me but she'd even seen her attitude. Neither her or Ellen had ever forgiven her for not coming to help out when I'd been pregnant with Hailey. Ben hadn't either for that matter. Most of them women in the kitchen, including Brenda were glaring over at me sister.

"Graysen won't see the magic," Brianne said.

"She's just stubborn," I sighed.

"It doesn't matter!" Tasha exclaimed. "We're all coming together for Hayden. We don't need fighting on his big day!"

Without another word, my sister stalked out of the kitchen angrily. My mother turned to follow her. The rest of the women began shaking their heads. I watched as Brenda went over to clean up the mess I had made. I was surprised to see her on my side for once. Normally she was the one being stubborn but I didn't think she liked my sister too much either. I hated to fight with my sister, but even after all these years she was still like this.

Mum walked back into the kitchen moments later.

"Don't worry about her, she'll come around," mum told me.

"No she won't," I said. "She hates magic and she always will. It doesn't matter what steps we take for Graysen; she will still act like this. She knows I've done everything we can so he can sleep over here more."

Gritting my teeth, I continued with breakfast. I decided I was going to cast the charm on her later too. I didn't care if I didn't have her permission. I wanted Hayden to have a good day and I planned to use my magic to have the cake to go over to everyone. As an added measure, I would cast it on her husband too. As far as the three of them would be concerned, I was handing them out the cake. I would not have any conflict at my oldest sons birthday!

Thankfully the rest of the day went smoothly after that, and as usual, my sister came over to apologize as I knew she would. I knew she hated fighting with me too. It didn't matter though. I put the spell on her so that she would see normal things all day. I let my mum and step father in on it so they would be careful not to mention anything in front of her. I accepted her apology and moved on with my day.

I made sure to get a seat close by Hayden. I noticed Michelle did this as well, and I couldn't help but smile at her. They had spent a lot of time together that summer, and she'd been doing her best to be close to his side as well. At times I thought he liked her back. His face would light up when he talked about her. I wasn't going to say anything to her or him until I knew for sure. For the moment, all I cared about was making sure that Hayden had an amazing party.

I knew I was probably hovering over him a bit much, but I couldn't help it. I was excited for him. I'd been a little younger than him when he'd been born. He'd almost been a year old when I'd had my coming of age party. Back then I hadn't really thought he'd be celebrating his. To me, he'd just been a baby I looked after sometimes. I think back then it hadn't even hit me that he was my godson. Back then I hadn't know that someday he would be my son. I'd just been thrilled to be a godmother. Now it didn't feel any differently than if I'd given birth to him myself.

He was my adoptive son and he'd never called me mum (although we'd told him he could) but I had raised him. In a few weeks he'd be an adult, and he had turned out to be a fine young man and that was because of Ben and me. We'd done a good job on him. Knowing this, I knew that eventually William and the other kids would be okay too. We'd had problems with Hayden too, and he was now a very responsible young man. I knew when he'd go out to real world he'd be fine.

So as I celebrated with my son, I pushed my worries away. I had to give him credit for not complaining at all that day. Normally he'd get annoyed when we were getting in his space too much, but that day he didn't care. I always did my best to make sure I didn't bother him too much, but that day I forgot all about that and became the obsessive mother. I was like Ben's mother or even my own mother.

Hayden had compromised with us when it came to letting Stan, Jared and Hank set off the fireworks. They had been eager for the job and they'd even all written to him to plead their case. They even went as far as calling Craig and Andrew amateurs. Of course Hayden had given his permission since he really hadn't cared, and as we began singing, they set it off.

I glanced over at my sister wondering how she would take these. The charms really didn't protect against magical fireworks. I didn't think it mattered with them though. Muggle fireworks had come a long way, and I didn't think Graysen would think anything of it. Sure enough, when I looked over at him as we sang, he watched with interest but he didn't seem confused or anything. Now was the complicated part. Everyone else would see me summon the cake but to Graysen, he would think that I carried it out and then sliced it up. In reality, the cake flew out, Hayden blew out the candle and then with a wave of my wand, the pieces flew to each person. I kept a close eye on Graysen, my sister and Chris. None of them acted as if anything odd happened.

After we ate, my sister walked over to me and I tensed up.

"Thanks for keeping the magic to a minimum," she said. "I was worried you were going to do magic with the food or cake or something."

"I didn't want anymore arguments," I said with a shrug feeling relieved that it had worked. "I know you hate magic. Why don't you test the pool out. I have to attend to my guests now."

What I really needed to do was find Michelle. Hayden liked her back. I was sure of it. He hadn't noticed her beside him at first. When he had, he'd given her a look of adoration. It was a look I was used to Ben giving me. It was the way he used to look at Cynthia. He'd also seemed to awkward around her by calling her beautiful. When she'd mentioned that she had a new bikini, he'd almost seemed lost for words. I thought I could almost hear his heart from my seat. I remembered when he'd just been twelve and he'd stared at Cynthia in a bikini. It had put me in mind of Michael all those years ago when it came to Ellen. He'd looked at Michelle the same way.

I knew in a way, I shouldn't approve of the fact that my teenaged son was likely thinking of my goddaughter inappropriately, but I couldn't help it. I was happy for both of them. Adults had been happy when Ben and me finally got together when we were teens. Surely they knew we were thinking those things too. It was okay to be happy that they might finally get together after all this time though.

It took a while for me to get to her though. As the mother of the birthday boy, and the hostess, I had to be there for my guests. By that point, we were getting them to leave so that Hayden could start his own party. Most people wanted to linger. We'd decided that the younger kids who wanted to stay could if they wanted and Keith was even willing to take several over to his pool and Shelly said they could do the same as well. That worked for us.

Eventually I did get my chance with Michelle. I led her from the deck and told her my thoughts excitedly. I saw her face light up as I did this. She did ask me to tell him for me, but I wasn't going to do that. It was up to her. I would help push them together but I wasn't telling anyone for anyone. They were old enough to do it on their own. She'd never been nervous about asking a boy out before.

I could only talk to her briefly before I had to hurry and say good-bye to the rest of the people. We wanted them all either inside or to go to a neighbours house so the teens could take over. Some people, such as my sister-in-law seemed rather stubborn about this.

"Brenda, you know we won't let anything happen to Richard," I told her. "And you're welcome to stay as long as you want. Shelly is willing to look after all the little ones at their place. Anthony and Dakota can swim over there a bit. Sheila will likely go with her and maybe a few others."

"Richard will be fine," she said with a sigh. "If Anthony and Dakota go next door I am too."

And without another word, she went inside. I heard Mickey screaming at the top of his lungs as William tried to get him to go inside. I felt bad for Ellen when it came to him. I knew at times she was at her wits end when it came to him. She'd had Ben check him over, and they'd taken him to many Healers, but no one could figure out what it was about him. She had many nights where she came over crying about him. I truly hoped he'd grow out of it. I was about to go over and help, but Hailey came to the rescue. For some reason, out of everyone she was the only one who could get him to stop.

"I think that kids needs counselling more than William," Ben muttered as he appeared at my side. "I don't know how Ellen does it."

"I don't think she even knows but he is better than he used to be," I said as we followed the crowd inside. "I think as he grows older he gets better."

"I still couldn't imagine it," Ben said.

In the kitchen, Barry was already setting up drinks and food for us.

"Make sure not to drink too much!" I called out to everyone. "We're the responsible adults and all of you volunteered to stay and help!"

"Relax little sister," Barry told me. "We all know and we can all drink responsibly and still look after the teens."

"Yeah well, you lot are responsible for first watch," I said winking at him. "Right now, I want to spend some time with my life long friends; Ellen, Michael and of course my hushand."

"What about us huh?" Stan asked.

"Later," I said. "Don't worry. Right now it's just the four of us for now. Later we can have some time for the Hufflepuff's."

Ellen and Michael glanced at each other and then shrugged before they followed Ben and me from the kitchen. I wanted us to have fun too, but I had to know the truth after all these years. I also had to make sure that they knew that I wasn't angry with them. I knew it was an odd thing to bring up during Hayden's birthday but he was outside likely already taking drinks. I was the farthest person on his mind, and I knew the others in the kitchen would keep an eye on them. You could see the whole patio and pool from the Island.

"I get the feeling this is more than just old friends meeting up," Ellen said with a grin as we bypassed the living-room. I was taking them to the downstairs playroom just off from the entry way and near the steps. No one would bother us there.

"Yes, we know you better than that," Michael told me.

"Good, I don't have to beat around the bush then," I said.

I took a seat at the table we had set up for them in the room. Hailey must have used it recently for a tea party since there were still toy cups and a toy tea kettle set up. It was an old toy of mine, so it wasn't magical. I was surprised it had lasted all these years.

I was glad that most of the kids had gone over to the neighbours. Either that, or they were upstairs. I made sure to charm the door in case any of them decided to come inside.

"So what's going on?" Ellen asked as she took a seat beside me. "Is something wrong?"

"Yeah, it's Hayden's birthday. I don't really buy that it's a meeting of old friends, especially in here," Michael said. "And you've admitted that."

"Relax," Ben said with a smile as he too took a seat.

"Look, before I say anything, I want to make sure that you know I am not angry with either of you," I said to them. "I know it's odd to even be bringing this up today of all days. It's just I couldn't wait and I mean, we're all here. I could have easily done it tomorrow but Hayden is busy now anyway. It's just all of us hanging out."

"And here you are beating around the bush," Michael said with a wink. "Just spit it out already Mrs. Hoofer."

I stuck my tongue out at him and then I launched into the stories Ben had told me the night before. Ellen and Michael kept looking at each other and then over at Ben. Once I was finished, I quickly put my hand up.

"And as I said before. I am not angry with either of you. It was so long ago and you were kids. I just can't believe you kept this secret for nearly twenty years. We've always promised we wouldn't have major secrets like this kept between us," I said.

"It just became easier not to bring it up," Ellen said. "At first I didn't want anyone to know, especially you. However, after all this time it just didn't come up. Look, back then I didn't want you to think less of me. I already so dirty with sleeping around with so many boys. I was so ashamed of myself. I even felt so much self-hatred. It was even worse when Timmy found out and told me off and he was just a child back then. With you though, you were my best friend. We had our differences of course, especially with the Ben fiasco. However, I couldn't stand it if you saw me as one of those girls. I had a feeling that no matter what, you'd always forgive me for other things. With you thinking I was slag though? Well, I couldn't bare it."

"Ellen, I wouldn't have stopped being your friend and I don't think less of you," I said.

"But you would have back then!" Ellen insisted.

And I knew she was right. I would have back then. I would have become self-righteous and I would have lectured her about it. I would have looked down on her. I couldn't understand back then why people slept around. I still didn't and I hated to think about all the little girls at Hogwarts who now did it. I just hoped our little girls wouldn't be that way. Now however, all I could think of was that lost little girl Ellen had become. The victim of a divorce, of abandonment and then thinking she'd lost the love of her life to her best friend. No longer she had snapped.

"You're right," I finally said.

"And I still feel guilty to this day about Stan," Ellen continued. "And it was only Michael who I told. So I don't understand how Ben knows. Tracy found out of course."

"Wait what?" I asked.

"Remember how I slapped her for reading my diary?" Ellen asked me and I nodded thinking back to that day.

That was back when Tracy had been such a bitch. Thankfully she'd changed and she was now a sweet and kind young woman. Back then though; everyone had hated her. We'd seen her run though the corridor crying with a hand on her cheek. Moments later, Ellen had come out to reveal what had happened.

"She read it in your diary," I confirmed and Ellen nodded.

"It wasn't Tracy," Ben told her. "I think she's always kept the secret. It was Stan who told me," and then he explained what Stan had told her.

"I don't see how you can see that as Karma," I said to Ellen.

"I don't anymore, but at the time I felt so much guilt. I couldn't handle my grief at the time and I kept thinking about all the horrible things I'd done. I just added that to the list," Ellen said with a sigh. "Look, eventually I wanted to tell you two but not back then and then it never came up. I mean, for the last twelve years or so, we've all had so much happen and we've been distracted. Back then, I knew both of you would judge me. I just wrote to Michael about it and he told me about Anne."

"And my excuse with Anne is the same as Ellen's. At the time I knew how you two would react, and plus the less people who knew; the better," Michael told us. "And also, about the weed thing Ashley, I don't know why we left you out when it came to that. We knew you wouldn't judge. I can't give a definitive answer about that. However I still do it sometimes. So if you truly want to try it sometime when the kids aren't around, you can. Wait for a night when they aren't home at all though. Today isn't a good day obviously."

"Is that all?" Ellen asked.

"Not quite. If there is anything else you're keeping secret about, I want to know. Even if it's ancient history. I don't get why there are secrets between the four of us," I said. "But Ellen, Zachary of all people?"

"Okay Judgy ," Ellen said with a smirk.

"I'm just surprised. He was nice bloke I guess but if you had to cheat on Stan, it was with him of all people? Something about him just reminded me of a low life," I said. "Maybe I am wrong about him but something seemed off."

"You used to get annoyed with people who said the same thing about others," Ben reminded me. I knew he was meaning my sister.

"I know," I answered.

"So I should have cheated on Stan with Ben?" Ellen asked me and winked.

"No and I am very glad you didn't. I'm not justifying cheating at all, but I just think if you made such a mistake it would have been worth it," I said.

"Ashley, I wasn't thinking clearly back then," Ellen told me. "I regret the whole thing. It's one my number one regrets."

"One of your number one regrets?" Ben asked her.

"Shut up Ben," Ellen said but she was smiling. "It's in my top five anyway. Even though it's almost been twenty years, I still feel so horrible what I put him through. He was only ever nice to me and it took him so long to trust a girl again. Back then, I was just really messed up and I used sleeping around to feel better about myself. It didn't work though. At least not long term. I first realized how good it felt with Stan, and I realized how it relieved stress. I had so much going on back then and sex at the time gave me temporary relief. However, soon I felt so dirty and guilty. I never wanted Stan to know, but of course Tracy found out and told him."

"Same with me when it comes to Anne," Michael spoke up. "I'll tell you another truth... I mean, you know some of it obviously. One of the reasons I didn't want you to know wasn't because I thought you'd get all self-righteous. It was because I resent you... well, not just you but Ben too. You both complained about your lives or stress at times and yet you didn't get it. Only Ellen understood. We were both so stressed and both made stupid mistakes. We both felt horrible for what we did but we both knew that if we hadn't been so stressed it wouldn't have happened. I am not saying stress justifies it either. We should have figured out a better way to deal with it. All I am saying is that we were worried you'd make us feel like bad people when it was stress that led us to do it."

"I get it Michael," I said. "It's the same as all the other stuff you did."

"But you wouldn't have understood back then," Michael said.

"And once again, you're right," I said. "I guess I was uptight."

"Not uptight... just really good. Now you can look at it from all sides but back then you couldn't have. You've made your own mistakes since all that and you've grown up," Ellen said. "I mean the only thing now you've judged me on was that I cheated with Zachary. You're not judging me for cheating, you are just surprised I picked him. I just find it amusing and it shows you've changed. Back then you wouldn't have cared."

"Well, I know that you regret it Ellen," I said. "And it's almost been twenty years. I'm not even judging you about Zachary. It's just I never imagined you to be a cheating type, so if you had to, I thought it'd be someone worth it to hurt Stan."

"Like Ben," Ellen pressed.

"Well, yes," I finally admitted. "Believe me, I am glad you didn't. It's just that it would have made more sense."

"Well I wouldn't have let that happen," Ben said quickly. "Even if I would have slept with her."

"That's something I still can't work out even after all these years," Michael said. "None of the blokes who shagged her wanted her as a girlfriend. Yet, you could have had her!"

"When?" Ben asked. "If we'd both been single at the same time, maybe I might have given in. However, I would never shag a girl in a relationship. I turned her down because I wasn't in love with her and she was with Stan. By the time she was single, I was with Ashley. There was no opportunity for it to happen."

"You know, I finally got him to admit he'd shag you if he could," Michael said turning to Ellen. "Back at Hogwarts I don't remember which year it was, but he admitted to it. It might have been the end of fourth year."

"And as much as you denied it to everyone, you would shagged Ashley," Ben said. "So what? We were hormonal teenaged boys."

"Please don't tell me you were another one secretly in love with me," I said shocked by this revelation.

"No," Michael said. "For years I did resent you and you know why. However, I was curious about you. I just didn't want to admit it because I was stubborn. I was so insistent that I wasn't attracted to you. I just had too much pride to back down. But yes, back in those days if I had the opportunity and I'd let my guard down then yes. You had a hot body and I was teenaged boy. I was curious about you. In fact, remember how annoyed I was about Jared? Part of me wished it could have been me instead. I had Anne, but there was something about your innocence and inexperience that I wanted. I think a lot of boys felt that way with virgins though and we were close."

"And you thought no boy wanted you," Ellen said to me shaking her head.

"Well more of them should have spoken up," I said.

"Think about some of the teenaged boys we know now," Michael told me. "Look how long it took Hayden to tell Cynthia how he felt. Just because they weren't as shy as you, it didn't mean it wasn't hard for them. It's harder the more you like someone."

"I suppose so," I admitted as I thought about Jared who couldn't admit his feelings for me. "But this is about honesty anyway. There is no point in rehashing those points again. Is there anything else we don't know about each other? That's why I wanted the four of us in here."

"I think you know everything now," Ellen said and she glanced at Michael.

"I think so too, but I'd have to think about it some more," Michael replied with a shrug. "I told you lot my biggest secret. Give me some time to think about it though."

"There is one I don't really talk about much, but I did kind of confess it to you at your thirtieth," Ellen said to me.

"I know what you're talking about," I said instantly. "And I still think you just think that."

"What is that about?" Michael asked.

"Mickey," Ellen said. "I just don't know what to do about him. Sometimes I think I hate him. He stresses me out so much. I used to think that he'd grow out of it but he's four now and he is starting Primary school soon."

"It might help," Michael said quickly. "And he is better than he used to be. I think his worst year was his terrible twos. At least now he will listen better."

"There isn't anything wrong with him medically," Ben said. "I still do regular checks and I know you take him to other Healers. We're going to take William to Hayden's Mind Healer for a few sessions. You could always take Mickey to him as well. He is very good with kids."

"But Mickey doesn't like to talk about it. He just starts screaming," Ellen said.

"Why is William going to a therapist?" Michael demanded looking from Ben to me.

William after all was one of his God children.

"It's not a big deal," Ben told him quickly. "I think he'll only need to go a few times. We just want him to learn to channel his anger better. By his age, he still shouldn't be throwing temper tantrums the way he is. He doesn't know how to do it without it. He admitted himself that last night that he doesn't think about it. He just gets angry and it happens. We should have done it years ago," and he looked at me. "You're right when you say that. I still don't think there is anything we've done wrong besides that. We should have started when he was four of five. I can admit with that, we did neglect our responsibility. We just took it as the average temper tantrum."

"Well I've realize that with parenting, you learn as you go," Ellen said with a sigh. "Michelle is always such a good girl. She had her moments before she started Hogwarts with Clarissa. However, I soon realized it was Clarissa who was the problem and she is getting worse. Every child has their own personality and sometimes the ones with stronger ones overshadow the ones who aren't problems. Elliot often gets neglected because of Mickey and Clarissa."

"And William has always been overlooked because of the other kids," I said. "William was right last night. All we do is yell at him to deal with him and I always promised I'd never be that parent. I've always been so worried about Cameron, Hailey and Hayden that Alyssa and William get left out. It doesn't excuse them from throwing temper tantrums, but they wanted to get my attention. It's something I should have addressed with them years ago. I'm going to do everything I can from now on to make none of them feel that way. We should have thought of that with so many kids."

"Well, it happened with Timmy and me too," Ellen told me. "Mum admits that Timmy often got ignored because of me even once I'd moved out. Sometimes I think Mickey and Clarissa are punishment for all of that."

"I still don't think there is anything wrong with Mickey," Michael said.

"You take him for a week and you tell me how you feel by the end of it," Ellen told Michael with a small smile.

"What I mean is, besides the obvious, I don't think there is anything major," Michael said. "I think you feel that it's something you did when you were pregnant maybe. He's hyperactive for sure. I just mean that once he has more of a structured environment; he can calm down a bit. I think you're just making it worse in your mind because you're stressed. Every child is different and I think with the therapist or school; they can teach you how to deal with him better."

Ellen shrugged. "I hope so. I haven't been getting as much work done because of it. It gets to Keith as well."

"Your marriage is okay isn't it?" Ben asked her. "It's just something Jared said to me not too long ago."

"He said the same to me," I said.

"And me," Michael added.

"We're fine," Ellen said. "For a while there, things were kind of rocky. It was almost the same as you two five years ago," she added to Ben and me with a nod. "But we worked things out. I didn't tell you because you all had your problems as well. It was part of my insecurity that he regretted he'd never had anyone but me. You know how much I worried that he felt that he had to settle for me? It was true."

"What?" Michael asked as Ben and I gaped at Ellen.

"But he always seemed so happy with you," I said. "I remember you saying that but I always thought it was all in your head. I saw the way he looked at you. Still looks at you. It's why I didn't understand where Jared came from."

"He didn't settle for you," Ben said angrily. "If he thinks or even thought that; he is a prat."

"He only thought that, but he realized it wasn't true," Ellen said quickly. "I just meant I was right. He was thinking that for a good amount of time, especially after Mickey was born. It was Mickey's birth that finally made us confront all of that. Well, it was a year after. It was when Michelle went to Hogwarts in her first year until about two years ago. It was a few months after she went back for her second year. It was why she wanted to stay with you. She couldn't handle Clarissa, Mickey's tantrums and our fighting."

"She told me some of that, but I didn't think it was that bad," I said. "You're not telling me you almost divorced?"

"I worried we would. I was worried history was repeating itself," Ellen told us. "I mean, look at what happened with my parents. I was so terrified that was going to be my life too, only with four kids instead of two. One morning after Mickey had a tantrum I just had one of those crying fits where you can't even stand. Keith quickly took him to dad's. He is the only other person who can get through to him after all. Don't tell him I told you this, but we both actually just sat on the floor and cried together. Everything came out after that."

"And he admitted he wasn't happy?" I asked.

"He admitted that he thought that at times. I think we kind of had the same break down Ben had, only it happened years later. I asked Keith and he told me that there were times when he thought that. I guess Dan told him to picture life without me or the kids, and Keith tried it. He didn't like it. He realized then that he was just being a prat, as you called him Ben. It's why he decided to take a few months off to help me after Michelle went to school. Only with Clarissa acting out and Mickey having his fits, it didn't help. We talked though because we realized how stressed we were and how it was affecting our kids. I mean, Michelle even had to come live here to get away from it all. You obviously remember we went on a trip for two weeks at the beginning of December since we let Clarissa and Elliot stay here."

"And that's when you worked it all out," I stated. "But you could have talked to us. I've always unloaded on you. I told you that at my party to talk to me. I had no idea any of that was going on. I knew you were stressed because of the kids but I didn't realize you thought your marriage was over. You knew everything when it came to Ben and his breakdown and then with everything with Hailey and then everything when we had to take our trip."

"We would have done the same for you," Ben said.

"And we weren't stressed," Michael told her. "Shelly would have talked to you. Her and Sheila have always been good with advice."

Ellen shrugged. "But I still didn't want to unload on everyone. And at times I think Mickey is just the result of all of that and I feel resentment for him. I know it's not true. Mickey just brought out everything that we've been keeping bottled up. I start feeling guilty too because he is just an innocent little boy. A very annoying little boy at times, but he is just a little boy. Then I start feeling like a failure as a parent because of the way he is. I can't handle my own son and then sometimes I think I hate him. But then I start thinking of when he is being good, and he is the sweetest child. He reminds me of the way Cameron was at that age and then I fall in love again."

"But he is better," Michael emphasized again. "We can all see that. And we are willing to take him overnight for you."

"So are we," I told Ellen. "We don't take him enough for you. We'll take him for a weekend after the kids go to school. You'll just have Elliot then."

"Well if you do that, I insist on take at least the twins or Hailey," Ellen said. "Believe me, there is a reason why I don't drop him off at your places."

There was a tinkling noise and I looked up at the door. Moments later, Hailey entered with Mikayla, Elaina, Elliot and Mickey. Sometimes I felt bad for Elliot just as I used to feel bad for Richard. They were always the odd ones out with a bunch of girls. The boys never seemed to mind too much. I glanced over at Mickey who was clinging to Hailey's hand. At the moment he was being good and I knew what Ellen meant that she'd fall in love again. He was smiling at all of us with bright blue eyes looking like the perfect angel. I thought I almost saw a halo over his blond hair.

"What are you doing in here mummy?" Hailey asked.

"Are you having a tea party daddy?" Mikayla added as she noticed the tea cups.

"You caught us," Michael told her and he stood up.

He rushed over to scoop of both his daughters in his arms as the rest of us stood up. They both giggled.

"We were just talking honey," I told Hailey as the rest of us stood up. "But it's your room again. I thought you were over at Elaina's and Mikayla's."

"We were, but we came back over here. We wanted to play over here. We're tired of swimming now and there are more toys in here," Hailey told me when I reached her.

I nodded and then I knelt down in front of Mickey.

"How would you like to stay with us for a weekend soon?" I asked him.

Mickey nodded and then glanced over at Ellen to see if this was okay.

"I think Aunty Ashley and Uncle Ben would like you for a weekend," Ellen told him and Mickey grinned.

"I never stay over here," he responded.

"But you have to be a good boy," Ellen emphasized.

"I'm always a very good boy," he told her and I couldn't help but smile.

"Well once your sisters go back to school we'll think of a weekend," I told him and then I stood up again.

Michael set the girls back on the floor and all of the kids scurried over to the table that we had just left.

"If only he can always be like that," Ellen said with a sigh as we left the room. I quickly took the charm off the door. "You see what I mean when you can just fall in love with him?"

"Yes," I answered. "And it's enough to show you what I've been telling you for years is true. You don't hate him."

We entered the kitchen to find everyone having a good time on their own. I could tell certain people were getting buzzed and it annoyed me a little. They were supposed to be keeping an eye on the kids outside after all. We couldn't have been gone for that long. I knew they wanted to have fun, but we had to pace ourselves. Ellen, Michael and Ben went to join Barry but I went straight outside to check on the kids.

From what I could see, they were all fine. It was still late afternoon. A lot of the girls were trying to get some tans. Some things didn't change with each generation it seemed. I remembered the girls doing the same back in my day. Hayden was with the blokes. He seemed very happy as he laughed with Marco and Patrick. I looked around for Michelle. She was in the pool with her girl friends. Alyssa was sitting on her own with her legs in the pool. She was watching Mackenzie and Clarissa in the pool. Clarissa was hanging right off of Charlie's back. Ellen was going to have to keep a closer eye on her second daughter. Everything looked fine, so I went back inside to join everyone else.

I did relax more when it came to the alcohol as the night went on. People were taking their responsibilities very seriously and someone always made sure to go stand outside for a few moments to watch the teens. Nothing serious was reported, and so I finally gave in and had a few drinks of my own. I made sure to drink butterbeer between drinks.

When it got dark and most people had left, I decided we should sit out on the patio full time. The teens were getting louder by that point. We took one of the patio tables closer to the house so we could have a full view of everyone without being in their way.

"They're being really good," Michael said. "There haven't been any fights or anything."

"Most of them have taken over the baby pool," Ellen said as she gazed over at all the teens sitting in the pool usually reserved for the younger kids.

"Good," I said. "I think soon the other pool should be off bounds. I've already put a charm around it to make sure no one can fall in but anyone can still drown."

"I think there are enough eyes out here to make sure that doesn't happen," Keith said.

All of us had our wands out anyway. Most of the kids who were still in the big pool weren't being rambunctious or anything. Most were just leaning against the walls and talking. No one was really swimming. I figured I'd give it another half-hour and then I was going to everyone to get out of the big pool anyway. It was after eleven after all.

"How did your parents do it?" I asked Ben. "Didn't they ever get nervous when it came to us? They had less people watching."

"Dad put spells that would alert him whenever someone splashed too much," Ben said. "I've done the same by the way. Most of it is nothing, but if someone is drowning, they'd likely splash first. But there are also spells you can put on the pool to alert you to make sure that no one is under too long."

"And you're just telling me this now?" I asked.

"They're already on the pool and besides, they are charms. I thought you knew them," Ben said.

"Well I don't," I said. "Maybe I should have looked them up. You have to remember that I don't know every single charm there is."

"Well I asked mum and dad about it. Believe me, I was stressing about this party too and I asked mum and dad how they did it. They told me and I followed their advice. We'd have been alerted even when we were inside if someone was in trouble," Ben answered.

"I wonder how muggles do it without all the spells," Michael said.

"Probably just watch carefully," Jared said. "I never gave it much thought either when we were kids, but I've been stressing too. I think all of us have. It's why you didn't have to worry about us drinking Ashley. We all know that we needed to watch them."

"Well I hate to pull a Brenda, but sometimes I think she is right," I said. "Of course they've been fine but you now what? I can see her point."

"Brenda can be right, but the problem is she is over the top," Ellen said. "There are ways to bring things up without sounding the way she does. Anyway, the kids are fine. I don't think we give them enough credit. We were always careful. We knew our limits."

"It's different when you're the one responsible though," Ben said. "Their parents are trusting us."

I was about to get up and tell the kids in the pool to go to the baby pool, or party on the deck, but something else caught my attention instead. Cynthia, who Hayden had not invited was crossing the deck. It wasn't just seeing her that surprised me. It was seeing the dress she had on. She'd always been a modest dresser and that dress was anything but that. It was at least a size too small and it was very revealing. She headed straight over to Hayden who by that point was very drunk. She kissed him, and at first he didn't seem to mind but then he pushed her away.

"Should we do something?" Ellen asked.

"I should have checked," Ben said as we watched them argue. "I heard the alert but I didn't think much about it since kids have been coming and going."

I barely listened to him though. Michelle who had been in the pool had caught my eye. She was climbing out now and pulling on a dress. She rushed into the yard to our little pond.

"Oh no," Ellen said.

"What's going on?" Keith asked as he watched his daughter go off.

"She still has a crush on him Keith," Ellen told him.

"But she's used to it," Keith said with confusion.

Ellen and I just glanced at each other. Clearly he didn't get it. I watched as Alyssa rushed over to say something to Hayden, who then turned and hurried to rush off after Michelle. I saw Keith narrow his eyes as he reached her.

"Please tell me-" he began but then he shouted: "Bloody hell!"

Michelle and Hayden were now kissing. I couldn't help but smile as I saw this. Meanwhile, Keith was trying to get up and it took Ben, Jared and Michael to get him to sit back down again.

"She's fourteen!" Keith said.

"Keith, they like each other," Ellen said. "Don't bother them right now."

"He's too old for her," Keith said.

We were distracted as Cynthia ran out to them followed by some of her friends. Minnie wasn't far after them with Craig and Andrew. Clarissa and Alyssa soon followed. Most people's attention seemed to be on the group out by the lake. I wished at the moment I had an extendible or something so I could listen to them. Cynthia was shouting something and I could tell Hayden was angry. Beside us, Keith was grumbling, but Ellen kept a hand on his shoulder.

I nearly jumped up myself when I saw Cynthia hit Hayden. She was just a sixteen-year-old girl, but I was ready to go out there to defend my son. I wanted to kick her out at that instant. Alyssa got there first. I didn't condone violence when it came to my children, but I couldn't help but feel proud of my daughter. She swung back and hit Cynthia so hard that she fell to the ground. Jared let out a loud whistle.

"Impressive!" He said.

"Where did she learn to hit like that?" Keith asked seeming to forget that his oldest daughter had just been kissing my son. "That was amazing for such a small girl!"

I could never have done at her age. My daughter certainly had spunk. I knew I was going to have to talk to her, but I couldn't punish her. I would just make sure I told her that violence wasn't the answer. I would have to pretend I wasn't impressed, but I really was. She was standing up for Hayden after all, and I knew she wasn't normally violent anyway.

"I guess you don't have to worry about boys messing with her Ben," Michael said to him.

"I guess not," Ben said.

All the kids shortly came back on the deck. Cynthia walked by everyone, crying but the others wanted to surround the other kids. I called out to Alyssa when she returned and I could tell that she was worried. They probably hadn't realized that we were even out there. I wasn't going to scold her. I just wanted them inside. I wanted to start breaking up the party outside soon. For now, I wanted to close up the bigger pool.

"The four of you need to go in," I told her. "We're going to let the party go on for a bit longer, but it's almost midnight. So let them know. You can stay up a little longer to talk if you want."

Alyssa looked surprised but she nodded and then headed back to her friends.

"You're not going to punish her are you?" Ellen asked us.

"No, at least I don't want to," Ben said and he looked at me.

"I think telling her not to hit people is enough," I said. "I don't want her hitting people, but I can't help but be proud either. I think a lecture about violence isn't the answer will be enough. For now, I want the kids out of the big pool. They can hang out here a little longer, but I don't want them in that pool anymore."

And without another word, I got up to tell the kids who were in the pool to get out of it. There were some groans but there wasn't a fight.

"The party isn't over yet?" Andrew asked me as I began waving my wand to prevent anyone from sneaking in.

"No, you can hang out a bit longer but there are too many drunk kids here. I should have closed the pool sooner," I answered.

Minnie joined us moments later.

"I'm sorry about Cynthia," she said.

"You kids don't have anything to be sorry about. She shouldn't have been here, and apparently my daughter can take care of things," I said trying to hide my smile.

"I always knew Alyssa wasn't someone you could mess with," Andrew said. "We've been watching everyone to make sure that they were okay in the pool."

"I know you have but I still feel more comfortable now with it closed. The baby pool is still open though," I said.

"You know that you can drown in just a little bit of water?" Andrew asked me with a cheeky grin.

I'd always liked him. He was a good kid. Although I didn't like his reputation and I hoped he'd grow out of it soon. However, he'd always been a polite kid. He liked joking with us. He often came to us for advice about things. At times I thought of him and Craig as sons because they spent so much time here. Hayden had made a good choice for friends.

"Yes I am well aware and if we see anyone laying down in the baby pool, we will worry," I told him.

He winked at me.

"So what do you think of your god children dating? Is that even allowed? Can a goddaughter date a godson or is there some kind of rule because technically they are siblings," Andrew continued.

"You are a little troublemaker aren't you? Don't be saying things like that in front of Keith. Not right now anyway. And as far as I know, there isn't anything wrong with a godsister and a godbrother dating. Now go join the party and stop trying to stir things up," I said to him with amusement.

I'd never actually given that much thought, even when Michelle had told me her feelings. I didn't think it mattered though. I shook my head as Andrew walked off laughing. He'd gone from a shy kid to a very easy-going young man. Some of the kids I had kicked out of the pool were getting dressed and were getting ready to go. Other were going over to the smaller pool which was getting quite crowded. Some people were still just hanging around the yard or else sitting around the patio. I sat back down thinking that our first party had certainly been a success. I just hoped they would always go this way.

September first that year was on a Saturday, so all the kids were able to go. Last year had been hard for me since it was Alyssa's first year, but this year felt like any normal year. The misty platform was full of laughter and kids running around. Teens were greeting each other ecstatically. Alyssa and Richard (who we'd brought) were hailed by their fellow second years instantly.

William and Cameron both stood by the train and grinned at it. It reminded me of Timmy years ago when he'd been excited about going to school in a year. I knew the boys were thinking about their first year. I turned away from them to see that Brenda had shown up after all. She'd gotten into a fight with Richard the day before, which was why he'd come with us. He'd stayed the night. I knew she wouldn't be able to resist seeing her eldest off even if she was angry with him.

"Was he good?" Brenda asked me.

"He always is," I said. "He made sure the boys were up and ready this morning. He's always a lot of help Brenda."

She nodded.

"I'm not too hard on him," she told me. "Twelve-year-old children shouldn't mouth off their parents."

I didn't see the point in arguing with her over this. She was of course right that kids shouldn't mouth off their parents, but she was too hard on Richard. There was a reason why he gave her attitude. He was a polite young man but the two of them just could not get along. He never mouthed off Milton.

Thankfully more of the adults were joining us. Ellen appeared beside me looking tired. Mickey had just been screaming his head off again. She'd finally managed to calm him down. Sometimes I thought it was from so much excitement. Maybe he had some kind of sensitivity around a lot of magic or stress or something. When everyone was calm, he was too.

"I can't always get your daughter to calm him down for me," Ellen muttered.

"Well you said you have him in therapy after school now," I said and then I told her my theory on Mickey.

"I've thought that too, and I think that's what it is," Ellen said. "Why else does he get so calm around Hailey? I'm going to talk to the Mind Healer about it."

I nodded but I got distracted by Hayden. He'd just gotten off the train but he was now frozen. He was staring at something. I turned to see what it was and I felt dread when I saw Rachel. It was the first time he'd seen her since she'd abandoned him. My dread turned to anger, and I moved to yell at her, but Ben grabbed a hold my arm. He shook my head.

"This is Hayden's moment," he told me.

I looked back at Hayden to see that he got a hold of himself. Now he was walking over to her. It made me realize just how much he'd grown when he reached her. He was taller than her now. I was so used to his height by this point, but the last time they'd seen each other, he'd still been so small. In our care, he'd grown about a foot or more in height.

"What I would give for an extendible right now," Ben said.

It was too loud to be able to hear what they were saying. I could tell Hayden was angry though, and that he was holding his own against her. I couldn't tell for sure, but given the sad look on her face I thought Rachel was trying to guilt-trip him or make him pity her or something. Hayden didn't seem to care though. He kept an angry expression on his face while he talked to her.

"It almost feels satisfying," Tasha said. "I don't know what he saying, but I know he has the upper hand."

She was right. It did feel satisfying. All those years ago he'd been a vulnerable little boy and she had one over him. Now it was his turn and I knew he was strong enough not to break down in front of her ever again. Hayden backed away from her after a while, and then he turned to look at us. He walked away from her fast. I stepped forward and hugged him.

"You did amazing Hayden," I told him. "I am so proud of you."

Most of the family stepped forward, even Brenda to tell him the same thing. I truly did feel proud of him. I'd known they'd be face to face again but I used to be afraid he'd go through another emotional breakdown. I knew now that it wouldn't happen. When I pulled away, Hailey rushed over to him and he picked her up.

"You're with your real mum and dad," she told him. "That woman isn't your real mum, even if you were in her tummy."

Of course she'd never seen Rachel before, but she was smart enough to know who it was. All if the kids who either hadn't met her or were too young to remember her knew who she was. Kids like Elaina and Elliot who'd only heard the stories were glaring over at her so hatefully. All of the little ones adored Hayden and none of them could understand how a mother could give him up. I was sure we were all making her uncomfortable.

"You're right about that," Hayden told Hailey before he looked at Ben and me. "You two are my parents. Nothing she says or does will ever change that. Everyone here is my family. She's just some woman who gave birth to me."

It made me feel good to hear him say that. It had always been implied but I loved hearing him say it and I knew Barry and Tasha were happy to hear him too. I felt angry again as I saw that Rachel was now staring at Hailey. She had never met Hailey before. We always left her and the other kids at home when we came or else they were in school. Usually it was too commotion much to bring them all, even on weekends. I didn't like the way she stared at my daughter. Hailey stared back without breaking eye contact.

"Put me down," Hailey told Hayden after a while.

Hayden set her down, and to my shock, she made her way over to Rachel.

"Hailey!" I called after her.

This was an Alyssa move, or even something William would do. It wasn't something Hailey would ever do. My youngest daughter ignored me though and Hayden glanced at me.

"Just let her," Hayden told me. "She'll be fine. Let her do this."

And so I let her go and I was glad I did. The moment Hailey reached her, she began talking and whatever it was she was saying, it made Rachel look ashamed of herself. Rachel looked like she was trying to say something but Hailey kept shaking her head and talking. William and Cameron walked over to them next. I didn't know if they were going over to grab Hailey or to tell her off. They paused on either side of Hailey and began talking as well. Alyssa was the next one to go and I felt warmth for my children go through me. They were all sticking up for their big brother. All four of them wanted to have their say. I glanced over at Ben to see that he was smiling proudly at them.

What are they doing?" Tasha asked.

"Sticking up for Hayden," Minnie answered.

"Should we be letting them do that?" Brianne asked.

"Yes, they want to stick up for their brother," I said to her before I turned to the Hogwarts aged kids. "The rest of you lot really should start getting on the train. You can watch from the windows. I'll make sure Alyssa gets on."

It was getting too close too eleven and most of the kids were on the train while the rest were saying their final good-byes.

"Yes come on, give us all hugs and get on the train. We'll tell you what happened or Alyssa will," Ellen said quickly to her kids and the others as well.

The other kids looked reluctant, but they all began hugging us. I could tell that Mackenzie, Richard and Clarissa wanted to join their friend. They lingered behind as they stared at her, but their parents called for them to get on the train. I glanced at my watch to see that it was five to eleven. I glanced over at Alyssa. The last thing I wanted was for her to miss her train.

"Alyssa!" I called to her. "It's time to go. The train will be leaving in five minutes."

Alyssa looked as if it was hard to turn away, but she did so. She hugged her brothers and Hailey quickly. She hurried over to us to give her final hugs as well. I whispered in her ear that I was proud of her too. She beamed at me before she hurried to hug her Aunts and Uncles as well as Ellen and Keith. She then hurried to join Hayden by the train.

William, Cameron and Hailey came over to join us as Alyssa and Hayden climbed on the train.

"We didn't get to say good-bye to Hayden," Cameron said sadly.

"He forgot to say it to us," William said and tears began to run down his cheeks.

Hailey looked ready to cry too but Hayden seemed to realize that he had forgotten. He quickly got off the train again and ran straight over to them. He hugged all three of them at the same time.

"Thank you," Hayden said to them. "I love all three of you. I'll see you at Christmas."

"Hayden," Ben said warningly as the train whistle blew.

Hayden stood up quickly and turned to hurry back on the train. The kids all began calling their good-byes to him. All three looking happy again. Hayden got back on the train just in time. We all began waving. I hoped Rachel had taken off yet. As it pulled away, I saw that she was watching the train.

"Listen, it's our turn to talk to Rachel now," I told the kids. "Don't join us. You had your say and I am proud of all three of you for sticking up for your brother. Now please let us talk to her. Wait here with Ellen-"

"I want in on this," Ellen said sharply. "I am going with you even if I don't say anything."

"Someone needs to watch all the kids," I said and I turned to look at Brenda who shook her head.

"He's my nephew too. I know we haven't all gotten along over the years, but I am coming too," she told me firmly. "I regret everything I said yesterday. Richard was right."

"We will watch the kids," Shelly and Sheila said at the same time to me.

They didn't have kids to send off but as it was a Saturday they had decided to join us. Michael couldn't resist this year, so they'd brought the kids. I knew Michael wouldn't be able to stand back and neither could Jared who had come as well.

"They'll be fine," Denver who had come with Sheila told me. "Just go."

And without another word, I turned to walk over to Rachel. She looked scared and I knew it was because of the crowd of people who had joined me. It wasn't just Hayden's family, but my friends as well. To my shock, I saw that even Andrew's mother was there but I knew she loved Hayden too. I hadn't even noticed that she'd joined us and I noticed that some of Hayden's friends parents were watching too. Apparently the reunion had gone unnoticed by a lot of people. So many people loved my godson. I was sure Andrew's mother would know about the letter Rachel had written back to him.

"Rachel," I said once I reached her.

"Do we really need a crowd for this?" She asked in a shaky voice as she took in the people who had come over and the people watching.

"You knew I was going to come over and talk to you," I said to her and I waved my hand to the people who had joined me. "These are just people who all love Hayden. They want to be here too."

"You're a poor excuse for a mother!" Andrew's mother spat at her. "I always liked you. When Andrew told me what you'd done, I couldn't believe it! I was nervous about having magical children too, but I could never give my boys up. I thought it was odd that you made him stay with us so often, but I never expected that!"

"And now you think you can just take him back after all these years?" I asked her.

"I never thought he'd actually come back," Rachel said.

"So why do it then Rachel? You insulted daughter too," and I couldn't help but go into a long rant that I'd been holding back even when we'd seen her all those years ago. Anytime I paused, someone else would say something.

"You know, my son and me aren't getting along at the moment," Brenda said to her. "But no matter how much we fight, I could never give him up completely! Sometimes he does stay with his aunts and uncles but he always comes home and he'll always have a home with me. What you did was disgusting!"

And it continued on and on until I thought every person there had said a word. If Hayden ever wondered if people loved him, this was proof enough that he had a lot of people behind him. The parents of his friends even loved him. Not all of them said something, but they were watching us. Most people had left the platform except the people who were sticking up for my son.

"I'm glad you are all perfect," Rachel finally said tearfully. "I don't need a crowd of people standing here and yelling at me."

"Then stop messing with his head!" Ben yelled at her. "Everyone who is here cares about him! He chose to write to you and ever since then you've been playing mind games with him! Don't pull the 'oh poor little me,' routine now Rachel! You deserve all of this! Don't you ever pull the kind of stunt you did in the summer ever again."

"Is that a threat Ben?" She challenged as she wiped her tears away. "You think you are so perfect and yet your wife nearly loses your last born from being careless! At least I never put him in danger!"

It didn't matter how much time went by. When someone said something like that, it still felt as fresh as it had years ago. This time it was Ellen who stepped forward to slap Rachel, and I think it was even harder than Tasha had all those years ago.

"Tell Hayden what you just said to me," I told her. "And I am not giving you a month this time. I am giving you a week. I think knowing that information will help him decide if he wants to talk to you anymore."

"I have nothing more to say to you except this," Ben said to her. "If you don't tell Hayden, and if you ever do what you did in the summer again, I will tell your husband what you did to Hayden. That is a promise. He has a right to know what kind of woman he married. He should know that at any given moment you could do the same to your little girl."

Ben turned to me and pushed me away from her. I let him but I looked back to see that the others weren't done with her yet. Andrew's mother in fact was yelling at her and from what I heard, it was about what she had just said to me. We walked over to the kids who had been watching. Sheila, Denver and Shelly didn't even have to try and make them behave. They were all standing and watching. Even Mickey was staring. I was sure that Elliot and Mickey were shocked to see their mother had slapped someone.

"She just blamed you for Hailey didn't she?" William asked me as I took him by the hand.

"Don't worry about it right now William," I told him calmly. "We'll talk about it at home."

I glanced back at the crowd to see that more people were leaving now. Some who had younger kids were coming back over to us to get their own kids. Some of them patted my shoulder as they went.

"Don't ever take what that woman said seriously," Andrew's mother told me as she began rounding up her own kids. "I'll write you later. I need to get them home. We stayed long enough. As soon as I saw her, I had to speak up for Hayden though. I hope you don't mind."

"Of course I don't," I said to her.

"I've known Hayden since he was very small and he's always been such a good boy," she told me. "She shouldn't even be here. I'll write to you two later. Come on children, let's go," she called out to her kids.

I glanced back at the group around Rachel one more time. They were all still telling her off, and I knew it was more for me then Hayden now. Tasha and Brenda seemed to be the most vocal but Ellen and Keith were yelling at her too.

"Let's go," Ben told me as he picked up Hailey. "They know to meet us at our place."

I took a hold of Cameron's hand now as well and looked from each boy.

"Get ready, I am going to take us now," I said.

They both hated the feeling of apparition but they were used to it by now. I focussed on our kitchen and then turned on the spot. I did need to get us out of there. With the train and everyone else gone, every word could be heard. So the kids had heard what Rachel had said and they could hearing the swearing from the people who remained.

"Hayden shouldn't write to her anymore," Cameron said once we were in the kitchen.

"But it's up to him," I said. "Don't tell him what Rachel said until he hears from her. I want him to hear it from her. If we don't hear back from him by next Saturday. I get the feeling that once he knows what she said, he won't want to talk her anymore."

"I hope not," William said and he turned to hug me hard.

Ben appeared moments later but he didn't just have Hailey anymore. He must have decided to bring along Elliot and Mickey after we'd gone. He was holding Hailey's hand and she had a hold of Mickey and Ben had Elliot's hand in his other hand.

"Ellen looked ready to hit her again," Ben told me as he let the kids go. "Mickey was getting stressed so I told Shelly to tell them that I brought them too."

"We should have brought the other kids too," I said.

"Already taken care of," Ben said as there was a loud crack and Denver and Sheila appeared with more kids.

They'd brought Trevor, Anthony, Dakota, Peyton, Mikayla, Elaina, Carly and Jake. I knew there were more kids there but I was glad to see that at least our nieces and nephews were with us. Sheila and Denver had at least left their kids with someone else I was assuming. They hadn't been at the train station.

"We're going to get back, but we figured we'd get some of the kids away from there," Sheila told me. "Shelly is watching the rest. Rachel seems to be getting more and more defensive about it now. I don't know how the long the rest of them are going to stay."

"The other kids are other people's that we don't even know," Denver said with a grin. "We'd have brought them but I think their parents would be annoyed."

"Their probably Hayden's friends little brothers and sisters," I said. "That woman always manages to make drama and now other people are involved."

"Well they aren't happy about what she said to you," Sheila said. "They were already pissed because of the situation with Hayden, but then she had to say that. They're furious. A lot of them have been holding back for years. Hayden is a very well liked kid and I've never understood it. If it weren't for the fact that we were watching the kids, I'd have marched over as well to have my say after she said that. We'll be back once we know the drama is over."

Sheila and Denver both turned on the spot and left a loud crack.

"Cameron, William why don't you take all the kids out to the pool," I said. "It's a warm day. Lunch will probably be late today. Stay in the baby pool for now please."

"Okay," William said.

Everyone had planned to come over anyway, so I was sure the kids had their bathing suits under their clothes. If not, we had suits for them here. The kids didn't need to be told twice, they all hurried outside and I breathed a sigh of relief. I didn't want to talk about what had happened at the train station with any of them. It was bad enough they'd witnessed that.

"I can't believe she said that to you," Ben said to me.

"Well, she said it more to you," I said. "I'm fine though. Don't worry about me. It hurt, but seeing Ellen slap her and then all those other people yell at her helped."

"Maybe I should get back," Ben said as he checked his watch.

"No don't go," I said and I moved forward to hug him. "Just stay here. They'll all be here soon."

"Let's get lunch started then," Ben said and he kissed me.

People began appearing as we did this. They all looked very angry.

"I think we had her shaking in her feet by the end of it," Tasha said as she came over to hug me. "She really blew it once she said that to Ben. They were already angry for Hayden and then she said that."

"Is anyone still there?" Ben asked her as he opened the fridge. He began summoning butterbeers for everyone who was still there.

"Some people are," Ellen said. "I am surprised so many people were. Who were the rest of those people?"

"Parents of Hayden's friends," I answered her. "They all know his story. Their kids told them and they've talked to me but I was still surprised to see them all there. I expected you lot to join us but not them. People really do love that boy."

"Well most of them can't understand how she could give him up," Tasha said. "I've talked to many of them and they just don't get it and they're angry. Minnie told a lot of her friends which are the same as Hayden's what she did this summer. They of course told their parents. Some of them have told her off the past too. They've seen her at the train station and they know who she is. Once they knew what she'd done over the summer, they wanted to join too. Most people know what happened to you too, and once they heard her say that, they couldn't hold back."

"My hand hurts," Ellen said. "I didn't realize I hit her that hard. What does it look like to the kids when I just told them violence isn't the answer? They know what Alyssa did of course, and I made sure to let them know not to repeat that. I'll have to explain to the boys later again I suppose."

"Well I really appreciate it," I told Ellen.

"I understand what Alyssa meant she said she saw red," Ellen told me. "I was so angry and I didn't even think about doing it."

"I think we all wanted to do it," Barry told her. "So at least it was you. I'm just glad you lot got the kids out of there."

"Sheila and Denver helped," I told him. "They're in the baby pool right now. Where are Sheila and Denver?" I added to Michael and Shelly. "I thought they were coming back."

"They were still there when we left," Shelly said. "They told us to go on. They were watching the remaining kids."

"So people are still yelling at her?" Ben asked and Shelly shrugged.

There was a loud crack and Jared appeared. I hadn't even realized he hadn't shown up yet.

"I don't think she's ever going to want to go back again," Jared said to us as he noticed everyone was staring at him.

"Are they still yelling at her?" I asked.

"They're done now," Jared said. "I don't even know who those people were, but they obviously know Hayden. I had my say but I went over to help Sheila and Denver with the other kids who were still there. Everyone started to leave. Sheila and Denver will be here soon. They're just going to Denver's parents to get their kids now. Rachel was white and shaking by the end of it. She was still there when everyone left. I helped her leave the platform. I don't know how long the barrier stays open and if she could get off. I hate the bitch but I don't think it would be a good idea to let her get stuck there. She told me to apologize to you for her, but I told her no chance. She was sitting on a bench when I left. She'll probably be there for a good while."

"Well at least if she does; it's only one more year," Ben said. "But once Hayden knows what she said; I don't think he'll talk to her anymore," and then he turned to Barry and Tasha. "Maybe you two were right. Maybe we shouldn't have let him write her."

"But you were write too little brother," Barry told him. I hadn't heard him call Ben that for years unless we were drinking. "You would have told Hayden not to, and he would have done it once he got to school. I remember how determined he was back then to talk to her. It could have been worse because he could have kept their correspondence secret from you. She might have played her games with him, and he might not have known how to handle it since he wouldn't have talked to you two. No, you did the right thing. Unfortunately, it's one of those situations where you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't."

As we all sat down to eat lunch later on though; I couldn't help but wonder again what had changed her. Something rotten was going on in her life. When we had been kids, she had never been like this. Someday I was going to write to her myself to find out. Maybe I'd even meet her in her town. It would be a while now before I could. I was too angry with her. However, I needed to know what had changed her. She'd gone from being a very loving and caring person to the person she was now. It didn't make sense.


	9. Chapter 9

Michelle

"Come on Michelle, we need details!" Julie Ann said. "You're holding back. I know you are. You're neighbours. There is no way that was your first kiss!"

"I've told you everything," I said distractedly.

It was the first day of school, and I was sitting with the girls on the train. The moment I'd sat down with them, they'd demanded for details. All I wanted to do was find Hayden or even Alyssa. I'd had every intention in talking to the girls, and giving them the details to satisfy their curiosity but I was now impatient.

Hayden had finally confronted his mother after all these years on the platform. I hadn't had the chance to talk to him because the girls had claimed me as soon as I got on the train. Anytime I'd tried to get up to find them, they would get annoyed with me. They didn't understand why I needed to see him so soon when we'd spent the summer together.

"You can go at least an hour without him," Valerie had told me. "You need to get used to because he is in Gryffindor and you're in Hufflepuff."

"Clearly not," Julie Ann said now.

"Yes I have," I said with annoyance. "We didn't get together until the night of his party. I've told you everything at least five times now. Catalina had told you anything else I left out. Look, I need to find Hayden. I can tell you anything else later."

"We haven't seen you that much all summer," Dawn said. "Don't tell me that you're going to be one of those girls who can't stay away from their boyfriends. You never have been before. I thought you had enough sense to know that you need a balance."

I sighed. Chances are it would get out anyway. There had been a bit of an audience when Hayden had seen his mother. A lot of people knew about his situation since a lot of people liked to gossip. At the moment, people in the older years were probably talking about it. It was best if I told the girls now so that things wouldn't be twisted later on. Although chances are some of my girlfriends would like the rumours more than the real truth.

"Leave her alone," Catalina spoke up. "There's nothing wrong with her wanting to see her boyfriend. Most of you are like that too."

"It isn't just that," I said. "Hayden's real mum always comes to see him off. She always hides but this time she didn't. They talked to each other today. I just want to know what happened. I didn't get the chance to talk to him because it happened right before the train left."

"But I thought she didn't want anything to do with him," Julie-Ann said.

"It's complicated," I responded.

"Well then go!" Dawn said. "We didn't realize... you should have said before."

"I didn't get the chance," I said dryly but I was glad they could all see the importance.

As much as they all loved to gossip, or hear about gossip, they could also be serious when it came to situations like this. I'd been hanging out with them since we were little kids. I knew often that there was more to them then they let on. It was why I hung out with them after all. I just wished they didn't always have to put on the empty-headed girl acts all the time. Julie-Ann for instance was one of the smartest in our year. At times you wouldn't know it because she liked to pretend she was silly and ditzy.

I stood up and made my way out of the compartment. Most of the girls called out: "Good luck!" as I went. I knew the girls also did like me too. Sometimes it didn't seem like it when it came to some of the petty jealousy, but they would always be there for me when I needed them. I knew the moment I left, they were going to talk about me. They were going to talk about how I was probably lying about when Hayden and me got together. Catalina would defend me. Yet I knew deep down they didn't believe any of that. If someone else outside our group said the same thing, they would yell at them.

I made my way to the front of the train. I knew Hayden's compartment was close to the front. I heard Charlie call my name however as I passed by one of the compartments. I peered in to see that he was sitting with my sister, Alyssa, Mackenzie, Richard, Minnie and Hayden. Why were they all sitting together without me? I thought they'd all be sitting with their friends. Of course my sister and her friends were usually together, but it wasn't often that Charles joined them.

"We were about to get you," Clarissa said, answering my unspoken question.

Hayden reached for my hand once I entered the compartment and pulled me down on his lap.

"Well what's going on?" I asked.

"I wanted to know what happened on the platform," Charles told me. "I found this compartment and then I asked everyone to come in here."

"We knew we couldn't talk about it without you," Minnie told me. "Hayden said your girlfriends would want to talk to you first."

"But I figured they'd had enough of you, so I was going to send your sister to get you," Hayden told me.

"But you finally came," Clarissa said.

"How did you manage to find an empty compartment for a family meeting?" I asked Charles. "There are never any empty compartments on the first day of school."

I knew that wasn't the most important part, but I was curious about that. On September first it could be hard to get a compartment with your friends if you didn't get there early enough. It was why certain people in a group showed up very early so they could get the compartment of their choice.

"There were a couple first years in here," Charles told me. "They were muggleborns who had never gone to the Primary school. Emma's compartment isn't far from here. I decided to introduce them to her. She's a nice girl after all and I figure she can help them. She actually wanted to be here for this. That meeting did go unnoticed but I promised her Alyssa would fill her in later. I told her she should help her classmates for now."

I nodded and then I turned in Hayden's arms to look at him.

"So what happened exactly Hayden? What did she say to you?" I asked.

"She tried to hug me first, but I think most of you probably saw that," Hayden said. "She just tried complimenting me and everything. I could tell she was trying to get my pity," and then he started to explain everything that was said between the two of them. I felt angry as I listened and I wished I'd had enough guts to stand up for him as Alyssa and her siblings had.

"Something isn't right with that woman," Minnie said by the end of it. "Something else is going on in her head. Normal people don't behave like that."

"Ben has even told me that he thinks she thrives on drama," Hayden said.

"There has to be more to it than that," I said. "I agree with Minnie. Something isn't right with her. I remember her and she wasn't always like that. Mum had told me the same thing. Something happened in her life to change her. She can't be mentally stable."

"I agree," Alyssa said. "I've heard mum and dad talk about it too. They say the same thing all the time. I don't think it's just thriving on drama like dad has said. I know there are people like that but it seems more than that."

"Well what happened when you went over to her?" I asked Alyssa. "I was surprised to see Hailey go over there, and then the rest of you did."

"She was trying to get our pity it seemed," Alyssa said. "I'm not exactly sure what Hailey said to her before the twins went over. I think whatever it was made her feel ashamed though. By the time I got over there; she was trying to get their pity but none of them would have it. I told her straight up that I did feel sorry for her, but not in the way she wanted. I said felt sorry for the fact that she was a heartless woman who didn't understand love. She said that I was too young to understand. I told her I wasn't and that nothing she could say or do would make me understand. It went on like that. William told her that she was a pathetic. He didn't filter anything out actually. She tried to compliment us as if to win us over. She told me that I'd grown up to be such a pretty girl like she knew I would. I asked her if she knew that; why did she tell Hayden what I was such a spoiled brat then? Cameron asked her if she thought we turned out so well; why did she say that Hayden escaped almost nine years of our parents influence? I didn't get to hear what she had to say to that because mum called for me."

"I really wanted to go over and tell her off too," Minnie said, "I was there when she told Hayden that he wasn't her son anymore. Mum grabbed my arm before I could do it though. Someday I will though."

Richard shook his head. "I don't even think mum could be that heartless," he said. "We don't get along but she would never do that to me."

"Of course she wouldn't," Mackenzie said. "You can tell she loves you. She just as a poor way of showing it. If she didn't, she would not have come today. I thought you said she told you that she would never dream of not saying good-bye."

"She did," Richard said nodding.

"I think Aunt Brenda is still angry that dad is with mum," Charles said. "As much as she says she is over it, she really isn't. I think she wishes that you were dad's kid instead of Uncle Milton's."

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

"Didn't you know?" Clarissa asked. "Brenda dated Nick before Brianne did. I don't see how you think it's connected to how Brenda treats Richard though Charles."

"It's how she treats everyone," Charles replied. "She wasn't like that with Richard until he started sticking up for himself. Someday she'll probably be that way with Anthony and Dakota too. It's just with Richard being her son, sometimes I wonder too if she thinks he wouldn't be so disrespectful if dad was his dad instead."

"She thinks there are outside influences to my behaviour," Richard said. "She doesn't seem to realize that it's her."

I always liked Brianne but I did wonder what kind of sister would go after her sister's ex. I could never do that to Clarissa and I knew she'd never do that to me. I couldn't really blame Brenda for being bitter. It didn't justify how she treated people or even her son, but it explained why she could be uptight at times. How would I feel ten or fifteen years from now if I always had to see Clarissa and Hayden together? How would I feel if they had a baby together?

"Being an adult is more complicated than I thought," I finally said. "I thought things got simpler when you were more grown up."

"I used to think so too," Hayden told me. "But think about the stresses our parents do go through. I know my parents haven't had it easy. I don't imagine it was easy for your mum to have a baby at seventeen. I can't imagine having a kid at my age. It's amazing she finished school and everything."

"And now she has Mickey," Clarissa added.

"I'm sorry to ask, but what is wrong with your baby brother?" Mackenzie asked. "I try not to say anything around you two, but I do often wonder. Something isn't right."

"Mum thinks that he has a sensitivity to magic and stress," I said. "She's starting to think that because he is calm around Hailey and some of the other little kids. He can be calm around me too. He only gets like that when there are a lot of magical people around, or if people are stressing out. Maybe it hurts him or something. She's agreed to let him see a Mind Healer a few times a week after school."

"She never told me that," Clarissa said to me looking annoyed.

"Well I asked her," I said. "I told her it wasn't normal for him to still be this way. I've always thought that. I remember talking about it before my first year. She told me her theory and that Ashley thinks the same thing. They arranged it to be your Mind Healer," I added to Hayden who nodded.

"William is going to him too. He is quite good. So he can probably find out what is wrong with Mickey too. It does make sense," Hayden said to me.

"Why is William going?" I asked him.

It was Alyssa who answered though.

"William doesn't know how to channel his anger properly," she said. "And he is actually happy about it. He worried about it at first, but I think mum got through to him. He said that he doesn't want to be like that at Hogwarts."

"I don't get how it's so hard," Richard said. "It's simple. Don't throw a temper-tantrum."

"Yes but you've never really been like that," Clarissa said. "William always has been. It's easy to say that when you're not him."

"It isn't that easy sometimes," Hayden said with a nod. "I mean, I've never really been as bad as William but you all know I was angry because of mum. I used to go overtop when something really angered me but he helped. So I think he will help William and Mickey."

"I hope so for Mickey's sake, but even for mum's and dad's sake," I said.

"Even for us," Clarissa said. "He kicked me two days ago and I have a bruise now. He doesn't get that way around Elliot though. The more you yell at him, the worse it gets too."

"It's why mum thinks he is sensitive to certain things," I said and then I looked at Hayden. "So do you think you're still going to talk to your mum after all of this?"

"I don't know," he replied. "She messes with my head too much. This is supposed to be a happy day for me. I am starting my sixth year and I am going to be seventeen very soon. I have you now and I have good friends and a loving family. Yet I feel so horrible right now. I managed to finally tell her off and yet I feel as bad as I did when I was eight. She just manages to bring out all these emotions in me and I don't know what to think or feel. I told her that too and all she tried to do was get my pity. I feel like I hate her right now. I thought I was past that day because we are talking again but I'm not."

"You can never get over your mum giving you up," I said. "Even when you are in a happy home now, it will always hurt even when you're our parents age."

"Especially when she does the things she does," Minnie said. "You know she never had any intention of letting you go back. She'd have to explain too much to her husband and your sister. Her husband obviously knows who you are and he wouldn't understand why she'd want you to pretend to be a foster kid. He'd want to know why you're back after all these years."

"Ben said the same thing," Hayden said. "And I know he is right. If I went back, it would be to visit but it would complicate the life she has made for herself."

"Do you think it was intentional for you to see her today?" Mackenzie asked him and Hayden nodded.

"She admitted that because I am going to be seventeen soon but she said she feels awful about what she said to me too," Hayden said.

"Oh please," Charles said and he rolled his eyes. "She doesn't feel awful. She doesn't want you to be angry with her."

"I think she same thing," Hayden said with a sigh. "I wonder how it went when Ben and Ashley confronted her. They planned to do it anyway but they'll be angrier now."

"I don't think it was just be your parents," Minnie said. "My parents will have gone over to talk to her too. I don't think it went too well. While we were waiting for Michelle, I wrote to mum and dad about it and mum said she'd tell me more later. I asked why and she said that it was best to wait. So maybe there was a big fight."

"Why didn't you say anything?" Hayden asked her shooting her an annoyed look. "Now I need to write to Ashley and Ben. That does sound rather suspicious."

"We were waiting for Michelle," Minnie reminded him. "And maybe it's nothing."

"I don't think so," Alyssa said and she reached into her pocket to pull out her parchment.

She wasn't the only one. Everyone began reaching into their pockets for their parchments. Hayden shifted me a little to do the same thing. I got up so that I could sit beside him and he glanced at me and gave me a funny look.

"You didn't have to get up," he said.

"It's easier this way," I said and I reached into my own pocket.

You could use an ordinary pencil to write on the parchments. You didn't need a quill and ink so most people had a pencil attached to their parchments. It made it easier that way. I was sure we were all writing the same thing, or at least close to it. I wrote: What happened after we left. Minnie said that her parents didn't want to talk about it.

It didn't take long for mum to respond back to me.

Wait until Hayden has talked to his mother. I want to tell you Michelle, but the deal was that Rachel talks to Hayden.

"Your mum must have said something awful to Aunt Ashley," Richard said looking over at Hayden who nodded.

"My mum said that you need to hear from your mum first," I told Hayden and Clarissa nodded.

"She just said the same to me," Clarissa said.

"Dad said the same thing to us," Mackenzie said.

"This is really annoying," Hayden said with a sigh. "It's like first year all over again. I wish mum would just use the damn parchment. Ashley said the reason she isn't telling me is because once I find out what happened; it will be up to me to decide if I want to talk to mum again. It must have been really bad. I understand what they're doing, but I'd rather- well, I am going to try the parchment I sent mum anyway."

"I thought you said she threw it out in your first year," Minnie said to him.

"I sent her one just recently," Hayden told her. "After her last letter telling me off for telling Ashley and Ben and for my tone in the one letter. I told her it's easier to just use the parchments instead of waiting. I did it right after my party. I know she'll have it. Whether she threw it out is a different story. I can't wait a whole week. We didn't mention it when we talked. I should have mentioned it. She brought up the fact that it takes her a while to get back to me after all."

I looked over his shoulder to watch him write a strange number.

Mum, if you have the parchment I just sent. Tell me exactly what happened after I left. No one will tell us anything. I can't wait a week and I know you'll take your sweet time. Ashley and Ben obviously have their reasons for letting you tell me. So tell me the moment you get this message!

"It had to be awful," Richard said. "Even mum is really angry about whatever happened. She has sent a long rant to me, but she has also told me she loves me. She never tells me that. She thinks it should be implied. She said she hopes I know that she'd never abandon me and she regrets everything she said yesterday and anything else in the past too."

"You don't think she said anything about Hailey do you?" Charles asked. "Mum said that Ellen slapped her."

"Mum slapped her?" Clarissa and I asked at the same time.

"She'd better not have said anything about that!" Hayden said angrily.

"Well it makes sense why they told her to tell you herself," Alyssa said to him. "Think about it for a moment."

"Believe me Alyssa, I am thinking about it," Hayden said angrily and then he looked at her. "Sorry, I am not upset with you. I am just really pissed off right now."

Moments later, a message appeared on his parchment and I pointed it out to him. I looked over his shoulder again as he read.

I said something I shouldn't have said Hayden. I told Ben that Ashley was careless when she was pregnant with Hailey. I didn't mean it. I only said it because they were all ganging up on me. Even Andrew's mum and some of your other friends parents were doing it. They shouldn't have ganged up on me and I wouldn't have said it. I must say, I am shaken up and I still at the train station.

"Bloody hell!" Hayden shouted.

"She said it didn't she?" Alyssa demanded and I nodded and then I read the message aloud. I hoped Hayden wouldn't mind.

"She's still trying to get pity!" Alyssa yelled angrily. "She's making it out to be everyone elses fault!"

"Even Andrew's mum?" Minnie asked looking over at Hayden. "I wonder who was all there then."

Hayden was already scribbling furiously to his mother. Apparently he didn't mind that I'd read it aloud. He was too angry with his mum to care about anything else. The gist of what he wrote was that she'd better apologize to his parents and that he wasn't going to write her again. Not for a while at least. In a few months maybe he'd change his mind but he was too angry right now.

"I can't believe she would say that after she said the things about you," Clarissa said to Alyssa.

"Yeah I know," Alyssa said shaking her head.

"What a despicable woman!" Richard said.

"I'd better tell mum and dad that she already wrote to Hayden," Alyssa said shooting a worried look at Hayden.

I put an arm around him. When he didn't shake it off, I took it as a good sign. Clarissa was writing to mum. I decided she could do all that for now. I needed to comfort Hayden. Hayden appeared to be an argument with his mother. I glanced around the compartment and I was shocked to see that tears streaming down Alyssa's face.

"Alyssa?" I asked.

"I said the same thing to mum," she said. "Everyone is sitting here and going on about how horrible she is, but I am just the same!"

"No, Alyssa it isn't the same," Hayden said quickly looking up from his parchment.

"But it is!" She wailed.

"No it isn't," Hayden said firmly.

He reached over to squeeze my knee and then he got up so he could move across the compartment to sit beside her. He put an arm around her and she started to sob into his shoulder. It wasn't often she would let people see her cry, especially when there was a group.

"Alyssa, you were frustrated that night. Yes you were out of line, but every single one of us could see that you regretted it the moment it came out of your mouth. You are also twelve-years-old. You can't be compared to someone in their forties. She should know better. She said it when she knew how much it affected all of us; including you. I even told mum how guilty you felt afterwards. Mum knew what she was doing when she said that. She was angry that everyone was ganging up on her, so she tried to hurt your parents with that," Hayden said to her.

"Exactly Alyssa, you can't keep beating yourself up over it. There is a big difference between the two," Minnie spoke up. "Hayden's mum knew that it would hurt them since Hayden had just written about that to her. I think it was likely a dig at you too when she said it."

"I still feel so awful about it," Alyssa said as she pulled back from Hayden a bit. She wiped her face. "I can't help it. I'm always going to regret it. I've tried not to feel so guilty about it, but I do every single day. Then to hear that Rachel said it and then everyone talking about how horrible she is. I am so horrible too."

"No you're not," I said. "You can't be compared to that-that disgusting woman! You knew right away it was wrong Alyssa. Rachel is blaming it on everyone ganging up on her. She tried to get pity from Hayden even then. You've never tried to get pity. You owned up to it right away and you admitted right away that it was wrong and horrible."

"And that's how you're different from her," Charles said. "You recognized that it was wrong without blaming anyone."

"Alyssa, the fact that you feel so much guilt is proof you're a better person," Mackenzie said.

"I'm always going to feel guilty," she said. "And all I want to do is hex Rachel for saying it. I can't believe she would say such a thing. Then it makes me feel like a hypocrite."

"Well that's what I mean," Hayden said angrily. "She brings all these emotions in people. Not just for me, but your parents and now with you too. Maybe she even wanted you to feel guilty for saying that. She hadn't expected for you or the other kids to yell at her. She knew that Ashley and Ben would mention it even if they hadn't threatened her to tell me. With mum, she was doing it as payback. With you, you said something stupid that you regretted. There is a big difference between the two and I hate for you to compare yourself to her. Please don't."

"It's hard not to Hayden," she said as she continued to wipe her face.

"You're nothing like her," Clarissa insisted. "Everyone sitting in this compartment knows it. So do your parents and all of our parents. I just hope you will soon realize it too, Alyssa. You wrote to me the night that you said it and I remember how much you were full of remorse. Right now, I bet Rachel is all upset about the confrontation and not what she said. She is probably upset that Hayden is angry with her too."

"Clarissa basically nailed it," Hayden told her. "That's exactly what it is. So please cheer up. We shouldn't all be sitting her so upset. It's the first day of school."

Hayden was right. How was it that woman still managed to ruin things for him and everyone else? I remembered how upset he'd been back in his first year. Once we started talking, there were times when he would vent to me. I remembered when I'd been six-years-old and crying for him because she'd given him up. I remembered Clarissa and I asking mum how a parent could give up their kid like that. Clarissa asked mum and dad if they would ever do it and they had to reassure us that would never happen.

"Hayden," I said. "Maybe I am crossing the line, but I just really don't think you should talk to her anymore. What good has ever come out of it?"

"I don't know," Hayden said with a sigh. "I'll have to think about it some more. For now I'm not talking to her. She knows that. I really should get back to Ashley and Ben so they can know that I know now."

"Mum knows we know," Clarissa told me and then she looked at Hayden. "So likely they know. Everyone is at your place right now. All the kids are in the pool and they're on the patio and talking about today."

"I want to congratulate mum for slapping her," I said and I quickly wrote to mum.

It didn't take long for her to get back to me.

Just remember Michelle; violence isn't the answer.

Yes I know mum. I am not Elliot or Mickey. You should tell Ashley and Ben that Alyssa is upset now. We've managed to calm her down, but she is still feeling quite guilty about what she said in the summer. Talking about Rachel doing it brought it all back for her. She thinks she is like Rachel. She isn't crying anymore, but I can tell she is still upset.

I read to them what you wrote. They may go down there to talk to both Alyssa and Hayden. Don't worry yourself too much about it Michelle. You're starting your fourth year. Your teachers usually start preparing you this year for next year. Even if Hayden is your boyfriend now, I don't want you to distract yourself too much from your studies.

I won't mum. Keep me updated with everything down there. I want to know what the Mind Healer says about Mickey.

I looked up to see that everyone except Alyssa and Hayden were writing. Chances are they were writing their parents too. Hayden was still trying to reassure Alyssa. I didn't know how mum didn't expect me not to worry. Even if I wasn't dating Hayden now, it would still worry me. It would worry me about Alyssa too because she was my friend as well. All the people in this compartment was basically my family.

Although everyone had likely meant to return to their own compartments after we talked, no one moved. This was certainly a first, especially when it came to Hayden and Minnie. They always stayed in their usual compartment. Most people went to go visit them instead. Charles usually stayed with his Ravenclaw friends too. Him and me hadn't shared a compartment since our first year. We'd drifted apart even if we still got along well enough.

In fact, after a while Craig and Andrew peered into our compartment to see why Minnie and Hayden were still with us. By that point, Alyssa had calmed down. She was laughing with Mackenzie and Clarissa, but I thought some of it seemed fake. Hayden was back at my side again.

"Why is this family meeting still going on?" Craig asked as he squeezed in beside Minnie.

"A lot more happened then we realized," Minnie told him. "Our parents got into a huge fight with Rachel once we were gone."

"Can't say I blame them," Andrew said as he managed to sit between Alyssa and Clarissa. Alyssa looked like she was pressed uncomfortably by the window. However, she smiled her first genuine smile at him since she'd cried. I wondered what that was about.

"Even your mum was in on it," Hayden told him. "It wasn't just my family," and he glanced at Craig. "Your parents might have been too. Ashley and Ben never said."

"Well mum has wanted to yell at her for years about that," Andrew said. "She's actually tried looking for her. She knows that she comes every year. She didn't miss your confrontation with your mum. She likely couldn't help herself when she saw everyone go over."

"So what exactly happened Hoofer? What did she say to you? What happened afterwards?" Craig asked.

"Er- maybe we should wait until school," I said as I quickly glanced over at Alyssa.

"No, it's fine," Alyssa said. "I'm fine. Really, don't worry about me."

"Why? What happened?" Andrew demanded looking annoyed now. "What did she say about Alyssa?"

"She didn't say anything," Alyssa muttered and she looked out the window.

Minnie launched into the story. Hayden was still angry about what had happened, and I knew it would be hard for him to talk about it again. Whenever Minnie paused, the rest of us except Alyssa and Hayden would fill things in. Andrew and Craig both looked very angry by the end. They both glanced at Alyssa.

"You're nothing like her," Craig told her quickly.

"You're not," Andrew told her. "She's a grown woman for one thing. For another, she likely meant it."

"Right," Alyssa said and she looked out the window again. "I really don't want talk about that anymore okay? I don't need people to keep reassuring me."

"Well I think you do, but we'll respect your wishes for now," Andrew said. "Good on Ellen for slapping her though. Glad she took one out of your book," and then he looked at Hayden. "Good thing you two are sitting in here Hayden. Your ex came looking for you and she even tried sitting with us for a bit. She claimed it was her compartment too. She was trying to get more information about you and Michelle. She finally left because everyone was ignoring her. Quite an interesting new wardrobe she is wearing though."

"I really don't care," Hayden said as Minnie said, "Why what was she wearing?"

"Tight short skirt and a shirt so see-through that she might as well not be wearing one," he said. "I wonder how her father let her out of the house like that."

"She would have worn it under other clothes," Minnie said. "In fact, I saw her at the train station and she was wearing a pretty and modest dress. She used to look down on girls like that. It won't last. She's only doing it to get Hayden's attention but she'll stop eventually. She doesn't clothes like that."

"Well she tried to get close to Craig," Andrew said and Craig glared over at him. "What mate? She has the right to know. Better for her to hear it now and not from people who will make it out to be more than what it was."

"Why would she go for Craig?" I asked. "If she wants to make Hayden jealous, shouldn't she go for one of his single friends? Like you?"

"It's to get back at me," Minnie said with a sigh and she leaned over to kiss Craig's cheek. "I'm not angry with you. Don't worry about it. I know you better than that. I imagine you got away from her as quick as possible."

"She's trying to hit two birds with one stone," Hayden added. "She goes for Craig because he is my friend, but it would also hurt Minnie. She knows what she is doing. She knows it won't have as much affect if she went for Andrew who sleeps around or Marco who is her ex or any of the other single blokes. Besides, she still thinks something is going to happen between Minnie and me. She probably thinks it would be easy to break them up."

"Well she'll find out how hard it is if she keeps it up," Minnie said annoyed. "I am giving her a free pass this time, but it had better not happen again."

"Craig moved so fast he might as well have apparated," Andrew said with a smile. "Actually, it's probably Patrick you should be jealous of. He was practically in his lap. I bet if there hadn't been an audience, they would have snogged."

Andrew seemed to break the tension with his joke. Everyone started to laugh. Minnie pretended to kick Andrew but he just winked at her. Even Alyssa looked away from the window to laugh at him. In fact, her whole face lit up. If I didn't know any better, I would think she fancied him. However, that couldn't be possible. She was too young for him for one thing. For another, she didn't like the fact that he slept around. She had no intention of sleeping with anyone for a long while. Even if she was old enough for him; she wouldn't go for him. Perhaps it was because the two of them were kind of close. Ever since she was a little girl; she'd been drawn to him. He was one of the many people who could get through to her when she was being stubborn.

And yet, when he jokingly put an arm around her, she looked even happier. I hoped she didn't actually like him. It was wrong. Perhaps I'd have a talk with her later. For the time being, I decided to focus on what Richard, Charles and Hayden were saying.

Fourth year started out the same as every year at Hogwarts did. The only difference was that all of our teachers lectured us that next year we'd be taking our exams. It got to the point that I was sick of hearing about OWLs. Why did they have to talk about it so much now? Couldn't we just enjoy our last year of freedom?

I wasn't the only one who thought this. Around me, fourth years were complaining about it. There was a significant increase in our workload too. Hayden and Minnie had told me that they piled it on in the fifth year. I didn't want to think about what next year would be like since I thought we already had too much.

"Gosh, with all this workload you might not have enough time for your boyfriend," a Gryffindor girl named Jessica said to me. "Different houses and different years. Good luck with that."

"Don't listen to her," Catalina told me. "She's just jealous. She has liked Hayden for years."

"You're going to get it a lot," Julie-Ann told me. "A lot of girls think he is cute. I think anyone third year and over was hoping for a chance when he and Cynthia broke up. Just ignore them. They'll move on eventually."

"You two are a good-looking couple too," Dawn said. "So it makes them even more envious. You're basically the prettiest in our year and he is one of the cutest in our year. I actually expected you and Charles again."

"And now that it won't happen, you won't mind if I go for him, right?" Julie-Anne asked. "The Hoofer boys are so gorgeous. Even Richard is getting cute."

"Go for it but he won't date you," I said. "Charles doesn't have girlfriends you know and I didn't think you wanted to shag yet."

"No, but I'll be the one to change him," she said.

Around me, my friends laughed. They all knew she wouldn't be able to do it. I thought about my sister who I knew had a big crush on him. I'd warned her to stay away from him and I knew Mackenzie had as well. I just hoped she would heed our advice. I didn't want her to get hurt, and I definitely didn't want her to shag yet. It should be the furthest thing on her mind. She was growing up way too fast in my opinion.

I thought back to what Jessica had said. What if she was right? Hayden would be really busy with his studies and me with mine. At times last year it had been hard for us to hang out. What if it got worse? What if we couldn't find time for each other and eventually grew apart? We'd started writing on our parchments as much as we could when we weren't together. I wrote my fears to him after what she said that day.

Michelle, Cynthia and I made it work for two years. You and me can as well. Don't worry about it and things will calm down for you. They're just trying to give you an idea of what your workload will be like. They won't start piling it on again until around our Easter break. Give it a few more weeks. Besides, I've done it already. I can help you as I have been. I don't have many classes. Ignore the girls who are jealous. They'll get bored of it after a while. They always do. Let me know if Cynthia bothers you.

It only reassure me a little because Cynthia and Hayden were in the same year. They would have seen each other in classes. I could only settle on our time together between classes, after classes and on weekends. I also had to make sure I spent time with my friends as well. I wasn't the type to ever ditch my friends for a boy. Fourth year was certainly going to be busy and interesting. I supposed it was a good thing that I'd never be bored.

Cynthia was actually a surprise. We shared a house but she wouldn't even look in my direction in the common room. I tried not to look at her too much, but at times I couldn't help it. She would sit in a corner with her sixth year friends and she would stay there. It was still quite early in the school year though.

"Has she said anything to you?" I asked Alyssa about two weeks into the school year.

It was an early Sunday morning and there were very few people in the common room. Most people were still sleeping. I found her looking at the notice board.

Alyssa shook her head. "I'm surprised. After I hit her, I thought she'd try and make me miserable this year. We even left the girls dorms together yesterday. She just pretended I wasn't there. She hasn't said anything to Clarissa either."

"I wonder why that is," I said.

Alyssa shrugged and moved away from the notice board, and headed to leave the common room.

"Maybe she doesn't want Hayden to hate her. She knows he doesn't want anything to with her now. If she picks on us; it will just made him angrier," Alyssa replied. "She knows how protective of me he is. You're his new girlfriend and anyone can see the level of devotion he has for you already. Whenever you two hang out; we can all see that you're a great couple."

When we do hang out. I thought to myself.

"Andrew said he hasn't seen Hayden act this way since he first got with Cynthia. I know you hate to hear it, but he really did like her at first. So that proves he really likes you too," Alyssa continued.

"I don't mind hearing it. I know what he was like with her. I can't pretend that he didn't have a past. I know it's me he wants to be with," I said to her. "And I meant to ask you; do you have fancy Andrew?"

Alyssa quickly looked away as we left the common room. I followed her and I saw that her face looked really red. That meant she did.

"Alyssa, he is too old for you and he has a reputation." I said.

"I know that," Alyssa said looking up now. "As long as it stays a crush, it's fine. I didn't even realise I felt that way until Hayden's party. To me, he was always just Hayden's friend. For some reason though; I suddenly noticed how good-looking he is. I don't know why."

"Because you're going to be a teenager soon," I said. "You're going to notice cute boys. You promised me that you're not going to do anything besides snog though. Andrew is too old, but even if he weren't; he wouldn't want to just snog."

"Michelle, I know all that," Alyssa said. "You don't need to worry about me. It wouldn't matter if I tried to go for him anyway. He knows he is too old for me. He also wouldn't because of Hayden. A crush sometimes is just a crush, Michelle. Think of all the girls who like Professor Martin."

"There is some truth in that," I said thinking about some of the girls I knew who went crazy for him. According to Minnie, some girls kept his class in NEWT level just because of his good looks. "I'm just looking out for you, Alyssa."

"Just don't tell Hayden or Andrew or anyone," Alyssa said. "Clarissa and Mackenzie know but that's it. I know you tell Hayden a lot of things, but not that. It's no ones business. The last thing I need is for Andrew to be all awkward around me."

"He doesn't know everything," I told her. "I only really gave him the gist of our conversation in the summer. With certain things, it's a need to know basis when it comes to him. I'm sure he does the same with me."

"Good, because I don't need a lecture from Hayden either," Alyssa said. "There was a time when your crush on Hayden was inappropriate too. Someday when I am older it might not be with Andrew."

"You're right again," I said thinking about my crush at eleven when he was fourteen. I thought about the rest of her words though. "But you're not going to wait until you're sixteen or seventeen?"

"If I don't get over it," Alyssa said with a shrug. "But my crushes have never lasted before. Last year I really liked Brent in Slytherin but that was only a month. Considering I only just noticed Andrew; I bet I forget about him by Christmas."

She was right about that too, especially with her age. I'd always liked Hayden, but many girls in the first and second year rarely had crushes that lasted long. Clarissa was that way. She'd tell me about a boy that she liked, but then she would like another a month later. Catalina had been the same way. The only girl out of my friends besides me who like someone a long time was Dawn. She'd liked David, a boy in our years since Primary seven.

"Well aren't there any cute boys in your year? What about that one you hugged on the platform?" I asked.

"He's like another cousin or brother. He's one of Richard's best friends," Alyssa replied. "Not that he isn't cute. I just have never seen him that way. I'm really not in any hurry to get a boyfriend yet Michelle. Look, I know you mean well but trust me, I am fine."

"I'd be doing the same for Clarissa or Mackenzie or the other girls," I told her. "And I am only telling you this too, because I know how it feels to feel too young for someone. When I was eleven and Hayden was fourteen, it was so hard. I knew I was too young for him, but I still felt jealous all the time. I still felt that way up until Hayden kissed me. I just don't want you to feel that way because you know what Andrew is like and you're even younger. That's the main reason I want you to move on. It's not just because twelve and sixteen is so wrong. It's because I don't want you to feel that way because it really hurts. When Hayden and Cynthia first got together, I was so heartbroken. That's why I want to nip this in the bud now for you."

Alyssa smiled at me. "It does mean a lot to me Michelle. I'll be okay though. I know I will."

I decided not to say anymore about it. I just hoped that she would take my advice. I didn't want her or my sister or anyone else to ever feel the way I had once felt. Of course it eventually worked out for me, but it wouldn't be that way for everyone. I had my doubts that it would be that way for Alyssa. Andrew didn't want to settle down.

Later that day, Cynthia finally approached me. I tensed up when she walked over to sit with me. I was alone in the common room. The girls were out in the court yard. I was supposed to meet up with Hayden later on, otherwise I would have gone with them. Instead, I was working on some homework. I'd finally got to the bottom of my pile. Hayden was right, they were starting to give less again and I was thankful for it.

"Don't look so nervous," Cynthia said and she smiled. "I'm not going to do anything. If I have to be honest, I saw it between you two last year. I just never thought Hayden would go for you because of your age."

"So what do you want then if it's not to yell at me?" I asked her and I set my quill down.

"I have no right to yell at you, or even Hayden," Cynthia said. "I'm actually embarrassed by what I did at Hayden's party and even during the summer. It's just that I loved him for so long and I got possessive. I shouldn't have listened to Eileen. She told me if I dressed... well like a slag and if I showed him what he was missing; he would come back to me. I came to apologize to you Michelle. I've always like you and I've always thought you were a sweet girl. So don't worry, I am not going to try and ruin your relationship with my ex."

"Why the sudden change then?" I asked. "Andrew said on the train that you tried to hit on Craig."

"Yes and Minnie came over to talk to me. She told me she knows I am not the person that I've been acting like lately. She's right of course. That wasn't me at all. I used to hate Eileen so much and then I started to hang out with her, and act like her. Even my own friends didn't understand it but they supported me," she explained. "It's just losing my first love and then seeing him move on so fast... but then again, he moved on long before we'd broken up anyway. You also know we shagged. Hayden was almost my first for everything. None of the boyfriends I had before him really counted. He was my first serious boyfriend. I knew something was wrong with us last year and then he wanted to shag. That was our first mistake and then I thought if I kept proposing sex it would keep him interested."

"As much as I appreciate the apology, I don't want to hear about you sex life with my boyfriend," I told Cynthia. "It's wrong and inappropriate."

"I'm sorry Michelle. I was just trying to explain but you're right. I won't say anymore about it," Cynthia answered. "I am really sorry about Hayden's party and Alyssa was right to punch me. I never imagined she could hit that hard. I just don't want us to be too awkward around each other. We have to share a house for the next two years and I hate having enemies. I also don't want you to think that anytime I come to talk to you that I am going to yell at you. I'm not going to bother you or Alyssa. I know you've all worried that would happen. Minnie gave me my wake-up call."

"Well I am glad to hear it," I said to her. "Alyssa was worried the most that you would bother her the most. Did you have bruise after she hit you?"

"Yes," Cynthia answered with a smile. "My jaw was really swollen. Mum and dad took me to a Healer. They don't know who did it. I didn't want to bring more trouble to Hayden's family. I was angry but not that angry. I just told them I got in a fight with a girl. They believed it because they knew I was angry all summer. Even as upset as I was that night; I was impressed too. Anyway, I should get going. I'll talk to you later Michelle."

And she got up and walked off. I watched her go. She seemed as if she were sincere, so I hoped the other act was over. I had enough going on that year. I didn't need an angry ex-girlfriend. Cynthia had never been one to be a back-stabber though. I checked the time to see that it was close to the time I was supposed to meet Hayden. So I packed my books up and then set them to the side.

We were to meet in the Entrance Hall and then we were going to for a walk around the lake. He was already there when I reached it. He was reading his message parchment and I wondered who had sent him a message.

"Hey!" I said excitedly as I wrapped my arms around him. I grinned up at him.

"Hey," Hayden responded just as enthusiastically. He put his parchment away and then leaned down to kiss me.

"You'll never guess what happened," I said and then I explained my encounter with Cynthia.

"Minnie said she might apologize to us," Hayden answered. "She told me Cynthia seems remorseful and she started to cry when they talked. So I hope it's not just an act. I can't see it being one though. It's really not her to act that way. I'm relieved because I've been worried about more drama from her."

"She seemed sincere," I said. "She even complimented Alyssa. How many people actually compliment someone for hitting them?"

"I would if it was as impressive," Hayden replied.

He pulled away and then took me by the hand and we headed to the door that would take us outside. It was a beautiful and sunny day. I knew that it wouldn't last long. It usually didn't at Hogwarts. The year before, it was actually already cold here.

"Has your mum gotten back to you about Mickey?" Hayden asked as we began walking down the stone steps.

"No," I answered.

Mickey had been going to the Mind Healer for a couple weeks now. Mum had told me that after yesterday they would likely know everything they needed to know. They would be able to start helping him in his sessions starting next week. They were going to teach mum and dad how to handle him better if their assessment was correct.

"She should be writing to you soon then," Hayden said. "I'm surprised she hasn't yet. Ashley just wrote to me. That's who the message was from when you met with me."

"She might have written to me then," I answered. "I haven't checked my parchment since last night when you wrote. So what did Ashley say? Mine is in my bag in the common room."

"Ashley and your mum were right about the sensitivity to magic," Hayden replied. "When there are too many people around, or too much excitement or stress it affects him. It doesn't really hurt him I think but it makes him uncomfortable. It's why when he was a baby he cried so much. Your parents would get stressed by his crying and he picked up on it. They think the older he gets, the more he can handle it. I am surprised the Healers didn't pick up on that then. I know Ben had checked him often and nothing he did detected it."

"Well they wouldn't have known that to look for," I replied. "Mum only figured it out this summer and so did Ashley. The Mind Healer would have known to look for that when they checked him over. I don't think it's a common problem. I wonder why he has that. I don't think mum really had much trouble with her pregnancy."

"They're trying to figure that out now. The Mind Healer thinks it might have been because of all the stress she had during her pregnancy. I don't know about that though because you'd think Hailey would be like that or even Elliot," Hayden said.

"Or even me," I said. "Mum was really stressed for me too since she was only seventeen. I just hope they help him out. What about William? Have they figured out what is wrong with him?"

"Yes, and they are teaching him how to handle it better when he is angry. It's the same problem that he's always had. He often feels neglected. Of course Ashley and Ben are feeling really guilty about that," Hayden told me. "But they have tried with him. I've seen it. Ben tries to just do father and son stuff with him all the time and so does Ashley for that matter. So do I. When I am at home, I make sure to spend individual time with them. I've been doing it since my first year because he told me he felt left out. I don't know what else we can do. It's not just with us, it's with Jared and Michael and everyone else. Hailey often goes over and a lot of the time Cameron done too but William said he hasn't been to Jared's for a year. He said he doesn't go to your place much either."

"He doesn't," I answered. "I think that's what it mainly is. I don't think it's really you or your parents. I've noticed everyone always wants to take Hailey or Cameron. During the summer, everyone was trying to get Alyssa although I don't think she went."

"They try to take me too. William does often get left out but I didn't realize we made him feel that way. It makes me feel guilty too," Hayden said. "But he never says anything. He just gets angry and has his temper-tantrums. The therapist is teaching him to communicate his feelings more and how to handle his anger better. It's only been a couple of weeks, but Ashley said they see a difference already. Last night he got angry but he stopped himself and then he explained what was wrong. So I hope we see a different little boy at Christmas."

"Same here," I said thinking of Mickey. "But enough about that. Your real birthday is in a few days. We need to do something about it. I know your friends are having yet again another drunk party for you tonight. I can't be there for it though, so we need to make plans on your actual birthday."

"I've already told my friends that I am spending that day with my girl," Hayden said grinning at me and he released my hand to pull me closer. "That's actually why we're having the party tonight. They said if they can't spend time with me on my birthday, then we have to get drunk tonight. I can't say I am complaining too much. I do have to spend some time with my sister and the cousins tomorrow though. Of course you're obviously coming too, but they made me the same deal."

"Actually, I am spending the day with the girls tomorrow," I said uncomfortably. "That was today's deal for me. If I spent today with you, they wanted me all day tomorrow. Guess we have competition with our friends."

Hayden laughed. "Well still, if they let you out, come meet up with us. It's supposed to be nice tomorrow too. Bring the girls if you have to."

"I'll talk to them," I said. "It really is going to be hard to divide time up won't it?"

"I don't think so," Hayden answered with a shrug. "It's actually a good thing in the long run Michelle. We do need lives outside of each other too. It's healthy with relationships. That ended up being one of mine and Cynthia's problem at the end. She couldn't handle being away from me for too long. She insisted we ditch our friends for each other. As much as I like you, I do need by boy time."

"And I need my girl time," I said quickly with a smile. "I'm glad you see it that way. I've been worried you'd get offended. You also know I've been worried if we don't spend enough time together. This is my first real relationship, so I don't want to mess things up and I want us to work. I also worry I might be one of those clingy girls too."

"I can't see it. You've always been independent. And don't worry about any of that. We will make it work Michelle," Hayden said. "I will never get offended if you want to do homework or spend time with your friends instead of me. I am very happy that you feel the same way."

"Wasn't Cynthia independent?" I asked thinking about her change when she got insecure.

"No, I just never noticed her clinginess until she started to get jealous. Of course she let me have time with my friends, but I could tell it annoyed her. I just never gave it much thought because I really liked her. She would always wonder why I would prefer Andrew and Craig over her. She didn't start to show jealousy for other girls until last year and then it got to be too much. I started to notice all that stuff," Hayden answered. "I remember you with some of your other boyfriends though. You didn't last long with them because they hated that you wanted your independence. You told me about that last year when you broke up with whatever that blokes name was. You told me he was jealous from the start."

I'd forgotten that we'd had that conversation. A lot of the boys I'd dated had always been insecure with me. I'd actually had the same problem when it came to Charles that Hayden had with Minnie. Charles and I weren't even as close as we had been in the past, but boys still got annoyed when we hung out. They couldn't seem to forget our little romance back when we were nine. No one seemed to remember that we didn't last long and he'd moved on quickly to another girl. Even at nine he liked girls although of course back then it was just hand-holding and sharing desserts.

"Don't ever be afraid to be honest with me," Hayden told me. "I won't be turned off by any insecurities. That wasn't the problem with Cynthia and me. Well, it was but because she went over the top. What I mean is, if something is worrying you; talk to me about it. That was one of my parents main problem until they took that trip to Florida. Ashley told me that they always had communication problems, and they were lucky they lasted. Not too many couples can be together for so many years."

"They've loved each other for so long though," I said. "But don't worry, I am usually honest about things. I've told you my worries so far. I'll admit before we got together; I did worry about you and Minnie at times. I don't now though, so don't worry. It was just something I thought about often during the summer."

"Well then I'll tell you something I've never told anyone," Hayden said to me. "Minnie might get angry with me, but I doubt it. I think she has probably told Craig. I never even told Cynthia but I think if I had she would have gotten even more jealous and-"

"Get on with it Hoofer," I interrupted with a smile.

"I was getting there little Miss. Impatient. Anyway, Minnie and I actually practised snogging in our first year. We were both so worried we'd be bad for our first kisses so we practised so we'd know what to do on dates. I never felt anything for her when we did that. I know we were just eleven and twelve but I think even now if we were both single, and we kissed, it would be the same," Hayden told me.

"That actually doesn't surprise me," I said thinking about it. "And I never did it but I actually considered asking Charles. I just didn't know how he'd react so I didn't do it. You two are best friends and you were comfortable with each other. It makes sense and it doesn't make me jealous. It never made me jealous when I knew you dated that Becky girl in your first year."

"No, no, no," Hayden said quickly and he squeezed my waist. He started to laugh. "Get it right Michelle. It wasn't Becky I dated. Becky is one of the girls I can't stand. It was April in my first year and she was already planning our kids and everything. I ended up running out on her and she broke up with me. She later realized it was messed up but for most of our first and second year she hated me. It wasn't until the beginning of third year when she told me that she was stupid in first year."

"I forgot, I remember that now. It's just I've heard the name Becky so much. I thought it was either you or Andrew who had dated her," I said.

"Nah, we did tease Andrew at one time about her. Well, sometimes we still do because he is so annoyed that she became friends with Colleen. She's one of the kids who didn't go to the Primary school. We just talk about her a lot because she is one of the annoying people we hate in my year," Hayden said. "No it was April, and then Laney at the end of first year and then Melissa for a bit in second year, then Prisha. After that, I wanted Cynthia and it took me to the end of third year to actually do something about it," Hayden said.

"I don't get why though," I said.

I knew it was an odd conversation to have with my boyfriend, but it did make me wonder why it took him so long. We'd reached the lake by this point. I figured it must have been a good sign that I wasn't feeling any jealousy by this. Most people said you never discuss ex's in a new relationship. I'd planned to follow that rule but I supposed with Cynthia; it was hard not to. Perhaps it was because Hayden and me had been so much apart of each others lives that it was inevitable.

"Well it's the same reason you couldn't tell me and I couldn't tell you," Hayden said. "With people you don't like as much; it's easier to go for them. It's why in my first year I had no problem getting with April. I thought I liked her a lot but it was just because she was really cute and easy to talk to. I didn't like her as much as I thought I had though. She was basically a distraction when it came to Cynthia and so were the other girls. Prisha is the girl I regret the most because I really hurt her. She actually liked me more than the others. That's why I didn't date after her. I spent the rest of the time working of the nerve to ask Cynthia to Hogsmeade."

"But you two were so affectionate in Niagara Falls," I pointed out.

"I know but you need to remember I was thirteen going on fourteen. The signs were all there but I was still a nervous wreck about it. You and me didn't take as long but when you ask most people, they saw it between us too. It's just a lot harder when it's someone you really like. You worry that maybe you misinterpreted the signs," Hayden answered.

"Actually I forgot to tell you when I told you about Cynthia. She said she saw the signs between you and last year," I said. "I didn't know we showed anything more than friendship."

"Minnie told me the same thing. Cynthia admitted that she shouldn't have gotten so jealous about Minnie and me. She said she'd seen you and me together and she saw it from the way we looked at each other. She'd never seen Minnie and me look at each other the same way. She said she remembered it was the way I used to look at her but now it was you," Hayden replied. "I didn't realize we looked at other a certain way either. I wish I had. I wanted to kiss you that night in the pool but then Ashley came out."

"Same here," I said smiling. "Have to love pesky godmothers."

"And little sisters," Hayden added. "She wouldn't have been out there if Hailey hadn't sent her out there. Oh yeah, we have to blame my friends too. I had every intention in coming back out to you, but Craig and Andrew insisted I go over and drink."

"Well I'd gone over to spent time with Ashley anyway. You were just an added bonus," I said.

I paused and turned so I stand on tippy-toe to kiss him.

"But at least we can do that now," I said afterwards.

"And all the time," Hayden added and pulled me closer to kiss me again.

I hoped we could always be this close. I hoped that we would last for a very long time and even someday get married.

Cynthia did end up talking to both Hayden and Alyssa after her talk with me. They both too believed she was sincere and I thought I even saw a change in her the weeks following. For the first two weeks, she had kept to herself and her friends. In the past, she had always made sure to talk to the younger students and help them out. She started to become that girl again and she was smiling a lot more. She greeted both Alyssa and me whenever she saw us.

"I didn't think the bitch attitude could last long," Alyssa told me one day in the beginning of October. "It really isn't in her nature and she doesn't hang out with that seventh year girl anymore. Actually, I even saw her kissing some bloke, so maybe she has moved on. I wouldn't worry about her anymore."

"I'm not but I am worried about my sister," I said to Alyssa.

I'd been hearing more stories about her snogging around the castle and I didn't like to hear it. Her and me had talked about it and she promised she be good, but she was still doing the same things. In fact, I thought she was probably doing it more. She was apparently drinking more as well. Even though we shared a common room, I was so busy that I couldn't always keep an eye on her.

"I think she'll have a boyfriend soon," Alyssa said. "She's determined to have a boyfriend by the end of second year. She's trying to get with Mason right now. She's just teasing him at the moment. He wants her too, but she is making him wait. I think she's waiting until Hogsmeade."

"But second years aren't allowed," I said. "She's going to sneak there isn't she?"

"It's not the first time," Alyssa replied. "You're not going to go lecture her are you? I'm telling you this stuff in confidence Michelle. If she gets caught it's on her. Mackenzie, Richard and me decided that a while ago. We pretend we don't even know about it."

"No I won't. You're right about that and it will just make her even more determined to go," I said. "What I want to know is; she isn't doing anything stupid is she?"

"No she isn't interested in any of that. She just wants a boyfriend right now," Alyssa said.

"Well, just keep an eye on her for me please," I said. "I just really don't want her to do anything stupid."

"It's what we've been doing," Alyssa told me. "But you should know your sister is stubborn too. The more you lecture or tell her something is wrong; the more she will do it. She even admitted to us that she is doing some of that stuff because of it. Richard pointed out that it's counter productive but she ignored him."

"Believe me, I know how stubborn she can be. I think it's why sometimes she dressed the same as me," I said.

"Sometimes it was by accident but yes; a lot of the time it was to annoy you," Alyssa said laughing. "She did it for the times when she hadn't done it on purpose."

"Maybe it's her who should see a Mind Healer," I muttered.

"Maybe. Maybe we all need to," Alyssa said. "Has your mum updated you on Mickey? My mum told me some things."

"He's better now that they know what's wrong," I answered. "He has a potion he can take in the highly stressful moments. They also have him learning to handle it better without the potion. They don't want him to take it everyday at school and of course that has a lot of magic because of temper-tantrums. They have him either leave the room when it gets too uncomfortable or try to handle it. Mickey actually wants to learn to handle it instead of leaving or taking a potion."

"So he understands it too then?" Alyssa asked. "So why didn't he ever say anything before?"

"Because he didn't understand because he was used to the feeling," I answered. "I guess for him it feels almost like apparition but not really. It doesn't hurt but I guess he almost feels like he's suffocating or something. Mickey was the one who compared it too apparition to mum. Now that he understands what it is; he just tries to work through it. Mum said he no longer screams and he doesn't try to hit anyone either."

I actually felt bad for my baby brother when I'd found that out. How could that have felt to just a little baby? No wonder he had cried so much as a baby. Even as a small child his age it had to be hard to deal with. It made sense why he would scream or maybe sometimes lash out. It probably scared him too. All of us had thought he was just born being a brat, but he was basically in pain.

"Poor kid," Alyssa said as if reading my thoughts. "I hate that feeling. I couldn't imagine having to feel it all the time. Will he be able to handle Hogwarts then?"

"Mum doesn't know. They are thinking that it might be best to home school him. It's awful for him because he won't have friends. The Mind Healer is hoping he'll be able to handle it better by the time he is old enough. The potion isn't dangerous either, so they might just do that. They just don't want him to rely on it," I answered.

I'd spent the day before Hayden's birthday writing to mum about the situation with him. My mum was mainly relieved that they had found the source of the problem. She did feel guilty that they had waited so long to find out. She felt awful that he'd had to go so long being uncomfortable. Fortunately, my little brother was determined. Hailey was trying to teach him to read. She'd started in the summer and already he could read certain words. He'd wanted to be able to read a book by himself by the end of the summer. Mum said she still worked with after school. He was still determined to read an entire book with no help at all. I knew he'd try to beat this as well. I knew he wouldn't want to be home-schooled.

Mum was good about keep me things updated at home. She even wrote to me before she wrote to Clarissa. I was sure part of it was because I was the oldest, but I also believed she trusted me more. I was also one of those kids who didn't mind if their parents wrote to them everyday. Hayden had a rule that Ashley and Ben could only write three times a week. With me, I would write to any of the adults as soon as I thought of something they'd want to know. Lately, I'd been writing Ashley almost everyday.

"Well, he can't miss out on Hogwarts," Alyssa said. "And Mickey will want to go. He won't let it take over his life. I just wonder why he was born that way."

"They're doing tests to figure that out," I said. "For all we know it's just a fluke. Some of the Healers think maybe mum was stressed during her pregnancy."

"But then Hailey and Elliot would be affected," Alyssa said. "Probably Elaina too and what about Dakota?"

"Hayden and me talked about that," I said. "I think there has to be another reason for it. Like I said, it could just be some kind of fluke. She was the most careful with this pregnancy then the rest. With the three of us, she at least had a few drinks. Actually, I think with Clarissa she had the most. Mum thinks it's why she is so small. With Mickey though, she knew almost instantly that she was pregnant. She caught it when she was only a few weeks."

"He might have even felt it when she was still pregnant with him. I remember your mum complaining that he moved a lot more and kept up a lot more," Alyssa said. "It makes me scared to have my own kids. With what happened with Hailey and then with Mickey and just what I know about pregnancy. I don't know how our mums were pregnant more than once."

"I think that way too and I'll never be pregnant at seventeen. Our parents are scared of that happening to us, but I will always be careful," I said.

I didn't mention it to Alyssa but I did wonder how long Hayden would be able to just kiss. He had already told me more than once that he didn't need to shag. I'd asked him several times if he missed it. He told me he never wanted to make me feel pressured and he wouldn't bring it up. However, I was sure any boy who was sexually experienced would hate going so long without it. What if eventually Hayden grew unhappy? All I knew was that I was not going to shag at fourteen. I didn't even know about fifteen, but how long could I make him wait?

As much as we liked each other, sometimes I worried it was a mistake that we were together. Hayden always told me to be honest with him, but I didn't want to bring up the sex thing with him too much. I didn't want him to get annoyed with me. So I kept these worries to myself. I decided I would keep quiet until the situation actually did come up. I could tell for the moment that he was happy, but if I noticed that he wasn't anymore; I would say something.

I was really looking forward to our first date together. Hogsmeade was scheduled for the last weekend of October. Hayden said he wanted to meet me right outside the common room very early. We were planning to spend the day together and then we were going to meet up with our friends later. I wondered if my friends would become his friends and his would become mine. Hayden did what his parents had done. They would hang out with their dates and then reserve a booth for everyone to hang out together. Sometimes my friends did that too.

In the meantime, I went through different outfits and even asked mum to look through my clothes at home. I told her to look at date appropriate outfits for me. She usually had good taste when it came to clothes. I wondered if Hayden was making a big deal about this date too? Maybe he was so used to going on dates that he didn't care. I went on plenty of dates as well, but this was the most important one for me. In the end, mum ended up sending one of my sweater dresses. She figured it was best for a cold weekend and it wasn't too formal either. It was a red one that went down to my knees and I took out a pair of black leggings to go with it.

Catalina was the one to do my hair for me. She was good with hair and makeup. Dawn decided to paint my nails red for me. For some reason she even felt the need to paint my toe nails even though they'd be hidden.

"You never know if he'll see them," she joked.

"I'm not shagging him," I said quickly. "I'm not ready yet."

"No but maybe you might do other things," she said. "Out of curiosity how far have you gone with boys Michelle? Hayden isn't your first boyfriend after all."

I knew some of the girls thought I'd done more. Sometimes I thought that Dawn thought I was lying about my experience. However, I was just as experienced as her. She too thought that we were too young to do anything besides kiss boys. In fact, she had thought we were too young for boyfriends until this year.

"Just snogging," I answered.

"Hayden isn't always going to want to snog," Julie Ann told me. She was getting ready for her own date with Charles. I was surprised he'd said yes to her. He often told me that my friends except Dawn and Catalina were ditsy. Perhaps he knew she'd do more with him though. "Someday you're going to have to grow up Michelle."

"Shagging or doing other things doesn't make you grown up," I told her. "There are kids in Clarissa's year doing stuff. You wouldn't say they are grown up would you?"

"No, but you are fourteen. You'll be fifteen in March and you're dating a seventeen-year-old. I'm not trying to be mean Michelle. I'm just telling you that a seventeen-year-old can't go too long with at least something. Hayden is too nice to pressure you but he is going to miss it. We all know that he and Cynthia shagged," she said.

"Stop making her nervous," Dawn snapped at her. "Am I the only one who thinks we are too young for that?"

"No," Catalina and I said at the same time.

"If you're dating a seventeen-year-old you're old enough!" Julie Ann snapped back. "Fine, don't listen to me but don't come to me crying if he dumps you."

And without another word, she headed into the dormitory.

"Don't listen to her," Dawn told me. "Some of these girls are too much; I swear. I don't know why we hang out with them."

"They aren't that bad," I said. "And I'd rather get along with everyone. It's not as if I don't worry about everything she just said."

"We know that and we don't want you to think you have to do anything. Hayden wouldn't like it," Dawn said. "Quite honestly, I only hang out with Julie Ann, Valerie, Natasha and Maria because you two do. You know I don't like them and I hate slags."

"They aren't slags," Catalina said. "Well, Valerie is but the rest are just teases. Julie tries to be a big shot but she is just as experienced as you and Michelle. Why do you think she is going for Charles now?"

"Well I don't like when people act like big shots either," Dawn said. "And we all know how much Michelle likes Hayden. I don't want someone to ruin things for her."

"I'll be fine Dawn, don't worry. I do worry that Hayden will get bored with me, but I also know him well enough. He would never pressure me. I also know he wouldn't say anything to hurt my feelings. He is trying to make up for the last five years," I replied. "I've already told him he has nothing to make up for, but he doesn't see it that way. I was a child to him for years, so what could he really do?"

"Well, I hope you have fun on your date," she said to me. "You know I wasn't trying to pressure you earlier right? I was curious about how far you've been with boys. I wasn't trying to say you should have to since I've done nothing more than snog either. It's just we've never talked about it before and you're with a sixth year. I wasn't expecting for Julie Ann say what she had."

"You don't have to explain," I said as I stood up to give myself a once-over.

"I feel I do," Dawn said. "Julie Ann latched onto it when I asked how far you've been with boys. I just wanted to explain that I wasn't being that serious. I was trying to lighten things up for you and then I was curious about it. You only talk to Catalina about that stuff."

"Dawn, I knew what you were doing," I said. "I know you're not like Julie-Ann. Anyway, thanks you two for the help. I just need my nails to dry now. I bet Hayden is already waiting. What is the charm again?"

"Julie-Ann might be wrong about a lot of things, but she isn't wrong about making boys wait sometimes," Dawn said and then she muttered something and waved her wand around a few times. "There, you should be good now Michelle. Have fun. And remember, don't take anything she said seriously. I wouldn't actually expect you to shag on a first date."

I smiled at her and then bid the girls good-bye. I did like Dawn but she could be a bit much sometimes. I was used to the way girls like Julie-Ann were. I never took them too seriously even if they were annoying at times. Dawn could be insecure about some of the things she said. I'd known that she wasn't serious. I knew she looked down on girls who just gave it away. Often she felt she had to explain herself when she said things. At times I would take Valerie or Julie-Ann over her. I knew she had good intentions of course and she was a nice girl. I just couldn't take the insecurity. Sometimes I thought that she was worried we'd stop hanging out with her. That wouldn't happen though. She was the one who kept us grounded.

I was right when I'd thought that Hayden would already be waiting for me. He was leaning across from the Hufflepuff entrance. He was reading his parchment as usual. People were always writing to him. He was frowning at whatever the person had written to him. He looked up as I walked over to him.

"Mum's still trying to get back into my life," he said as if knowing what I was thinking.

"Will you ever write back to her?" I asked as I reached out to take his hand.

Hayden put the parchment back into his pocket.

"I still haven't decided yet," he said. "I've ignored all her messages so far. I am surprised she kept the parchment this time. I guess she must be desperate to talk to me. Anyway, you look really good. Not that you don't always look good."

"Hayden, you don't always have to correct yourself. I know you always think I look good," I told him grinning. "You always correct yourself when I dress up."

"I don't want you to think I only think you look good dressed up," Hayden replied. "Cynthia always-"

"I'm not Cynthia," I interrupted. "I'm also not insecure. I know I am pretty and I know you think I am pretty. I know I could show up in a sack and you'd still like the way I look. Alyssa is right when she says it isn't egotistical to know you look good. As long as you don't act all high and mighty about it."

"And that's why I do like you," Hayden said grinning. "I'll stop being the insecure one then Michelle."

"Good," I answered grinning back.

I did wonder how often he would compare us though. I decided not to worry about it for the moment. It was our first date and I just wanted things to go well for us. It was something we'd have to talk about eventually if it kept coming up. Instead, as we began walking down the corridor, I brought up the latest Quidditch game. It would be Hufflepuff against Gryffindor so of course we both had our favourites. I was looking forward to going to games with him. I knew Cynthia never wanted to go to them and I worried he'd bring this up now.

"Gryffindor will beat Hufflepuff for sure," Hayden told me. "Don't get too upset when I am booing your team."

"Don't get too upset when I am booing yours," I retorted. "We have really good Chasers this year. You know, mum is disappointed that neither Clarissa or me have shown the love for Quidditch that she had."

"Ben is too but I think William will be the Quidditch player," Hayden said. "And he will be good. He still has this dream that he and Cameron will be like the infamous Weasley twins but Cameron has no interest."

"They'll be different houses too," I said. "I expect Cameron is going to be Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff and I think William will join you in Gryffindor."

"William expects them to be Gryffindor with me," Hayden said nodding. "I actually hope they are so I can at least keep an eye on them for their first year. Hoofer's tend to be Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw though."

We talked all the way to Hogsmeade about the twins and our families. It seemed odd that we could keep talking about them and something new always came up, or even old things came up. So far it seemed we didn't get bored with discussing that stuff and I hoped it would always be that way. I just hoped Cynthia's name wouldn't come up again that day.

Hayden seemed to have planned out our date. He took us straight to a coffee place that served breakfast as well as tea. It was the only coffee place in Hogsmeade and it was popular as most places were teashops. We were lucky to get there early enough. We had a table to ourselves in a back corner, but shortly after we took a seat, more kids began entering.

By the time we were done, there was a line-up. According to mum, it had always been popular. The first day it had opened was when she was in her sixth year, and it had been like this. You either had to get there very early or very late. You were lucky if you could get in during breakfast and lunch hours. Hayden was right to take us there very early.

When we left, Hayden led me up the road to the Shrieking Shack which confused me. The Shrieking Shack used to be known as the most haunted place in Britain. The story came out later that it had been used to house a boy who would become a werewolf every month. He'd been bitten as a little kid, and Professor Dumbledore hadn't wanted him to miss out on going to Hogwarts, so he had the house built for him to use. Anyway, every third year went up there during the first visit just to check it out. The novelty eventually wore off for most students. So I wondered why he was taking me up to it.

Hayden was busy discussing something funny Craig had said. He didn't seem to notice my confusion. When we reached the top of the hill though, he didn't stop. He didn't even glance at the old boarded up shack. Instead we kept going over to where a small forest of trees were. We walked directly over to a trail in the forest.

The trail took several turns to the point I would have thought we were walking in a circle if it weren't for the fact that it was uphill. Was this supposed to be a romantic walk in the forest or something? It was actually quite tiring. I wasn't used to this kind of walk. Ashley liked hiking, I wondered if she'd ever been up here.

"Where are we going?" I finally asked when he came to a pause in his story.

"You'll see. I've never told anyone about this," he said. "Back in third year, I came exploring on my own. Craig and Andrew both had dates and I wanted to explore by myself."

"Not even Cynthia?" I asked with surprise.

"She wouldn't have wanted to come in here," he said. "She has never even seen the Shrieking Shack. She didn't want to walk up the hill in her heels. Most people come up here their first Hogsmeade visit in the third year. I imagine you did as well," and I nodded. "Anyway, I came up here for my first visit and I decided to see what was in here. It's not part of the Forbidden Forest, so I figured it was okay for me to come in here. I think other people have been in here too given the trail. It will come to an end soon."

"I'm surprised we didn't see any third years up here," I said.

"Probably all at the coffee shop," Hayden said grinning at me. "It was very busy after all. They'll probably be up here later. It's why I'm glad we're getting here early enough. They'll probably try to come out here too."

"I never thought about it. I didn't know if it was allowed," I answered.

"I don't see why not. This is separate from the Forbidden Forest. Who knows, maybe the towns people made this trail. It's coming up. You can see that it's getting lighter now," Hayden said.

He was right about that. It was getting lighter which meant that we were almost out of the forest. I didn't know what could be at the end of it. Was there some kind of meadow? I didn't have to wait for long. The trees thinned out and then we were standing at the edge of a cliff. It was a breath-taking view. It was almost the same as when I'd first see Hogwarts across the lake in my first year. The castle seemed so far off standing on it's own mountain, but we could see all of the lake and Hogsmeade too. I thought for sure I could actually see Catalina but it was hard to tell because everyone looked so small from this distance.

"Wow," I finally said and I turned to Hayden. "This is an amazing view! I wish I had my camera. Thanks for bringing me up here! I would have never seen this. I haven't been up to the Shrieking Shack since this time last year!"

"I've always thought I'd bring a girl that I loved up here," Hayden told me and he leaned down to kiss me.

I kissed him back but I was confused. He had loved Cynthia though. I pointed this out to him but he shook his head.

"I only thought I did," he said. "But I could never bring her up here. I knew long before this date that I could take you up here. I was actually going to do it before breakfast, but we needed our energy. You're the kind of girl who doesn't mind this kind of hike. I love this kind of thing because of Ashley. With Cynthia, I never ever could and this isn't the first hike I want to take. Cynthia considered walking through the castle a hike."

"You like a girl who can hike?" I asked with amusement.

"I like the kind of girl who will do any kind of physical fun," Hayden replied. "The most she would do is walk around the lake, but she hated it because of her heels. Blame it on my upbringing but I find some of the muggle physical activities as much fun as ours. Someday I'd like to hike up a different mountain than this. Maybe when I have my years off after school, I'll do it. Muggle's often rock climb for the fun of it and I'd like to try. I'd like to try zip-lining again but bigger than the one at Niagara Falls. Remember, Cynthia wouldn't do it."

"That would actually all be fun," I said. "I loved the zip-lining and I loved climbing trees when we were younger. Mum always called me her little spider monkey."

"I know," Hayden said. "I remember all of that. I just want someone who is willing to do new things like that with me. I never paid attention to the fact that Cynthia would never want to do any of that until last year. I'll admit, I even suggested we walk up to the Shrieking Shack last year and she shot it down quickly. Her heels were too big and walking up a hill wasn't her idea of fun. I knew that even at the end of third year when I finally asked her out that she wouldn't. Yet, when I first discovered this place my first thought was that I wanted to bring a girl that I loved up here. It wasn't even Cynthia that entered my mind even though she was the one I fancied at the time. It was just a random thought and I guess I was just waiting for you."

I took in a sharp breath and stared at him. My legs felt weak, and I had to sit down. I walked over to a boulder close to the cliff and took a seat. Hayden followed and sat beside me. The view looked even better from our spot.

"You love me?" I finally asked as I looked at Hayden. "We've been together for two months. You weren't even sure if you loved Cynthia until the Christmas holidays in your fourth year and even then you still said you weren't sure. I remember when we talked about that."

"It should have told me something," Hayden said. "I just thought I did but a lot of the time I wasn't sure. It was just lust with her. With you, there isn't a doubt about it. These last two months, and the summer too have been the best months I've spent. You're always honest with me and I can be honest with you. There are things I didn't tell Cynthia."

"But I don't know if I love you yet," I told Hayden. "I love being with you and you continue to surprise me. You're the first person on my mind when I wake up and you're the last person I think about when I go to bed. I've loved the last two months with you too. I don't know if I can say if it's lust or love with you though Hayden. I've never experienced these feelings with someone before you. I've fancied you since I was nine and I've never gotten over it but how do I know for sure? I have nothing to compare this to. I was fond of the other blokes I dated but my feelings weren't as intense as they are now. However, I still can't honestly say if I love you. Yet, you can sit here and tell me without a doubt that you love me."

"And that's okay Michelle," Hayden said. "You're still so young and I am your first real relationship. I wouldn't expect you to know right away. We have plenty of time for you to figure that out."

"But is that fair?" I asked. "I feel guilty."

"Don't feel guilty and don't think about it being fair," Hayden told me. "You can't really think about that kind of logic with relationships. It's clear Cynthia loved me more than I did her."

"But what if I end up never loving you and we break up and you're left heart broken?" I asked.

"That's the kind of thing you risk with any relationship Michelle," Hayden told me. "Don't dwell on it. Besides, this is what I mean that you are always honest with me. You could have just lied to me but you didn't. That's what I love about you and that's how I know that eventually you likely will feel the same way. Someone insecure in a relationship wouldn't be that honest. You'd just say whatever you could to make me happy."

"It's overwhelming," I told him.

"Does it scare you?" He asked looking concerned now.

"No of course not," I said. "It's very flattering. You know you love me right away but you were never sure with Cynthia. It just makes me feel guilty that I don't know yet. I can honestly say I am very happy with you and I look forward to spending time with you every time. I miss you when we aren't together; even when I want to just spend time with the girls."

"And that's all I need to hear," Hayden told me and he kissed me.

I supposed at that moment it didn't matter if I knew or not. All that mattered was that I loved being with him. Hayden was right that we had time to figure all that out later. I was surprised about the reasons for why he loved me though. I knew he enjoyed doing those things but I hadn't expected he'd want a girl to be the same way. In fact, I'd always thought he wanted a girly-girl. Not that I wasn't girl-girl myself. I loved dressing up and I loved doing most things girls did. I wasn't a tomboy at all. Yet, I loved hiking because of Ashley too, and rock climbing was something I'd like to try and I had loved the zip-lining. I loved getting my hands dirty when it came to plants as well because of mum. I never considered those things to be unlady like though. We were no longer in the 1800's after all. Apparently Hayden loved girly-girls who liked getting dirty and doing physical activities. I said this to Hayden who started to laugh.

"You have no idea how that just sounded," he said to me.

I rolled my eyes.

"Seriously?" I asked. "Is sex something that is on your mind?"

"I'm seventeen, of course it's on my mind," Hayden said. "Not that you need to feel pressured Michelle," he quickly added. "I'll never pressure you. You're not even close to being ready yet. However, that doesn't mean I don't think about it. I am not any different from most blokes my age."

"Boys my age think about it too," I said thinking of some of the conversations I'd heard boys in my year have. In fact, it had been on their minds as young as second year even if they weren't doing anything. I attributed to hormones and if I had to admit it; it was on my mind too. Hayden was right that I wasn't ready but it was my mind. Mum said it was normal for girls to think about it and it was okay as long as it stayed that way.

"I know," Hayden said. "I thought about it back then too. We discussed that stuff even in the first year when we didn't know much about it. It's a teenager thing and you probably think about it even if you aren't ready."

"Yes actually we kind of talked about that this morning," I said and I told Hayden what the girls had said.

"That's why I am not a fan of those girls. I like Dawn and even if she gets uptight, I still prefer her over Julie-Ann or Valerie," Hayden said. "Don't ever let those girls get you down."

"I'm smarter than that," I told Hayden. "But you do have to tell me if just snogging isn't enough for you."

"It's enough for me until you're ready," Hayden answered quickly. "I'm well aware that you're just fourteen and that you are also nervous about it. I will know when you're ready but even then I want you to bring it up. Michelle, sex doesn't make a relationship. I made that mistake with Cynthia and I am not making it with you. It is a bonus and it will be amazing when you are ready but I will never be happy with it if you're not ready. Neither Cynthia or me were ready. I'm not like Andrew who can't seem to live without it."

I almost considered mentioning Alyssa, but I remembered my promise to her. I couldn't and Hayden would freak out. So I didn't. I just smiled at Hayden and the kissed him. Dad should be glad that I picked him to be my real boyfriend. I decided that the next time we came up here, it would be when I truly knew that I loved him. I wanted to surprise him just as he had surprised me with this view and his confession. That's when I knew I'd be ready.


	10. Chapter 10

lyssa

The morning we were to return to school was hectic. It was a Saturday morning, so for once all of the kids were coming too. Usually mum and dad just took Hayden and last year it had just been Hayden and me. This time, all of us were going together. So we had to get up earlier than usual to make sure the twins and Hailey were ready. We were also taking Richard because he'd gotten in a big fight with his mother the day before at our final dinner party. He'd decided to stay the night and Aunt Brenda had told him she wasn't coming to see him. I had a feeling she would though. I couldn't see her missing his first day of school.

It was lucky he was with us though. He was able to make sure the boys got ready. The moment he mentioned that they could see the train they'd be riding in a year, they stopped protesting about getting dressed and hurried upstairs. They didn't want us to leave, which was why they were being brats. However, Richard spoke the magic words.

"Thanks," dad said to Richard. "Last year they hid Hayden's books. We had to send some to him because we didn't find them by the time we had to go. William had forgotten where they all were," and then he turned to Hayden. "You do have all your books this time?"

"Ashley charmed our trunks last night after we double checked them," Hayden answered.

"William said it would be juvenile to do the same thing twice," I said. "I don't think they've done anything this time. Well, except for trying to eat breakfast as slow as possible," I added and then I turned to Hailey. "Let's dress the same again."

"Okay," she said eagerly.

She scrambled out of her chair and rushed over to take my hand.

"What are we going to wear today?" She asked.

"You choose," I told her and we hurried from the room.

Hailey chatted all the way up the stairs about wearing the pink dresses mum had bought for us. We have a lot of pink dresses that mum had bought, so I wasn't sure exactly which ones she was talking about. We both loved pink, so mum knew that was her go to colour when it came to clothes shopping for us. Both Hailey and me both said that you could never have too many pink clothes.

We entered her room, and Hailey walked into her closet and pointed to a light pink dress. It was a light summer one that just went above our knees and it had spaghetti straps. Mum had bought them for us for Florida but of course we'd never gone. It was slightly chilly out that day so I wasn't sure of it was the best dress for that day. I pointed this out to her.

"We can wear white t-shirts under them," she said.

"That's true," I answered. "Okay, you get dressed and I will too."

Even with Richard's help, by the time we were all ready it was almost ten-thirty. Mum and dad decided it was best just to apparate us because we would never make it in time with the van. They'd wanted to drive but we had taken so long that it wasn't possible. I'd decided to have a shower after all even though I hadn't planned to. Neither William or Cameron could decide what to wear. They didn't want to look silly on the platform. Hailey had trouble getting her dress on and she'd needed mum's help. One of the straps broke, so mum had to fix it. Hayden found out that he'd grown again during the summer and the outfit he'd picked out no longer fit, so he had to check all his clothes (including his school uniforms) to make sure they fit.

He even accused William at first of doing something to shrink his clothes. This caused William to have a tantrum because he was innocent this time. So mum and dad had to calm him down and Hayden had to apologize. By the time all of this was over; dad glanced at the clock and swore when he saw the time.

"Looks like we are apparating today," dad said with a sign. "Hayden, we're going to take Alyssa and the twins first and then we'll come back for you, Richard and Hailey."

"We can take them all at once," mum pointed out to dad. "Why are we leaving some of them here?"

"Trunks remember? It's always been harder for us to do it that way and the last time you sent Hayden's trunk ahead, someone else accidentally grabbed it." Dad said. "You take the twins and I'll take Alyssa and her trunk."

"Oh right," mum said with a grin. "We'll be back for you three," she added to Hayden, Richard and Hailey.

Dad took a hold of my hand while he grabbed my trunk in his other hand. For some reason, the more people you took, it made it harder to take objects with you. Dad had also heard about someone getting splinched and he was now paranoid it could happen to us.

"Ready?" He asked me and I nodded.

Moments later we were going through that uncomfortable feeling of apparition. I hated it but I knew at times it was necessary. When I was old enough, I would be taking my lessons. Mum told me that as uncomfortable as it was, it was the best way to travel. It was cheaper than a port-key, you didn't get dirty or dizzy from it like with the floo, and it was faster than a broomstick or a car.

I knew we were there before I opened my eyes because I could hear excited shouting around me. I opened my eyes and looked around. The moment I opened my eyes I glanced around the misty platform. Mum appeared moments later with the boys. They let go of her hands and tried to rush off but dad called after them.

"You two stay with Alyssa until we get back," he told them. "You have time to explore."

"And make sure you listen to her," mum added and simultaneously they left.

I was often surprised when they did things like that. Sometimes I thought they could read each others minds or something.

"Can't we just go on the train?" Cameron asked me. "We can help you put your trunk on it. You can't carry it yourself."

"We can do that," I said. "I imagine Mackenzie or someone already got our compartment."

The boys hurried to lift either end of my trunk and I led them on. They both talked excitedly about Hogwarts and the train as we went on. It didn't take long to find my compartment. A couple of the girls were already on the train. They both grinned when the three of us entered.

"Future first years," Robin said laughing.

"Yep!" William said excitedly. "Next year we'll be taking that school over."

Once we had my trunk in the luggage rack, they turned and ran off. I hurried after them. I was worried they were going to try and explore the train. However, once I caught up to them it was to find that they were rushing off. I was thankful for that. I was sure somehow I'd be blamed if they'd decided to do that.

When we got off the train, it was to find that they hadn't even returned yet. I figured they'd be back by that point.

"Let's just wait here," I told them. "Mum and dad said you can explore then they're back. We don't want to annoy them today of all days."

"We're ten so we aren't going to get lost," William told me. "Sometimes mum and dad worry too much."

Clarissa rushed over to greet me excitedly. Even though we'd seen each other the night before, she still hugged me. As she was doing this, mum and dad finally appeared with Hayden, Richard and Hailey. Somewhere I could hear Mickey screaming.

"Do we have our compartment already?" Clarissa asked ignoring her little brother.

"Yes, and Robin and Phyllis are already guarding it," I told her.

"I'd better get my trunk on then. Michelle is waiting for me but then I saw you. I'll be back," she said and then rushed off.

I shook my head smiling and then looked around for anyone else I knew. Mackenzie wasn't too far off. I saw that she was talking to some of the Ravenclaw boys. Richard yelled out to them excitedly when he saw them and then we both hurried over to them. They were two of his best friends. We were good friends with them too since we knew them through Richard. Although he'd branched out and made his own friends over the years, he was still close to us since we'd all grown up together. Some people used to make fun of him for being close to three girls but he didn't care. It had never stopped him but Richard had never really cared what people thought. It was something I was envious of him about. Even as a little boy he'd always been confident.

"There he is!" Simon said once we reached them. "You've been a hermit all summer."

"No I haven't," he answered. "Either I had to baby-sit the boys or I was with this lot," he said nodding to Mackenzie and me. "You know what mum can be like. Actually, I stayed the night at Alyssa's because I got in a fight with her yesterday."

"Alyssa, you've grown!" Simon said to me and then he walked over to hug me. He looked up at me. "You're going to be six feet tall I bet."

"I hope not," I muttered.

At first I'd been proud of my height but lately not so much. I was taller than the boys and usually girls weren't supposed to be taller than boys. I was hoping that soon I would stop growing. I had grown yet again that summer, just has Hayden had. It was normal for boys though, it wasn't for girls. Girls were supposed to be petite like Clarissa or even Mackenzie. I didn't want to be a giant.

"Why?" Kamar, Richard's other best mate asked. "It's not a bad thing. I'd like it if I could be your height."

I didn't answer him. I just gave a shrug and then looked around the platform. Not too far from mum, I saw that Aunt Brenda and Uncle Milton had arrived with the boys. I quickly pointed this out to Richard who nodded.

"You should go over," Mackenzie said. "You can't wait until Christmas to talk to her in person, Richard. As angry as you are with her; it will be hard on both of you to just talk on the parchments."

"I know," he said and then he turned to his mates. "I'll see you on the train. We already have the compartment reserved."

He then walked over to his parents with Mackenzie and I in tow. I watched as he hugged his mother who hugged him back. As much as they fought, I knew they both still really loved each other. Sometimes I heard the adults try to compare him and Aunt Brenda to Hayden and his mother, but it wasn't the same thing at all. Aunt Brenda could be too much, but she would never abandon her son.

"Do you think they'll ever get along?" Mackenzie asked me.

"Maybe when he grows up," I said. "Or when Aunt Brenda learns to relax a bit more. Maybe when Anthony and Dakota get older she'll be less intense."

"Maybe," Mackenzie said but she didn't sound so sure. "I should say bye to mum and dad again Alyssa. I'll see you on the train."

I was going to return back to my own parents but then I saw someone I hadn't seen since I was a very small girl. Hayden's mother, Rachel was there. At the moment, the two of them were eying each other. I knew Hayden hadn't seen her since she'd given up shortly before his ninth birthday. She had always come to the train station, but she always hid. She was a lot different from my memories, but then again I'd been about four the last time I'd seen her. I wasn't even sure if I even remembered her correctly. Of course she was much older but she looked different from my memories so I wasn't sure if I'd always pictured her correctly.

I wasn't the only one to see this. Everyone else had noticed Hayden was looking at something, and they were all turning to look too. Even the smaller children who had never met her knew who she was and what was going on. Mickey was actually calm as he watched. Hayden stood staring at her and then he walked over to talk to her. Once he did that, I hurried over to where William and Cameron were standing.

"Why is she here?" William asked once I reached them. "She shouldn't be here."

"She always comes," I reminded him.

"But hides," Cameron said. "She should have just stayed hidden. Why is she ruining his first day of school?"

"I wish I knew," I said.

From where we stood, we could see Hayden's expression. He was angry so we knew whatever they were saying was bad. Why wasn't mum and dad going over to stop this? I asked the twins this and William shrugged.

"Mum was about to go over but dad stopped her," he said.

"Guess they think it's better this way," Cameron said. "Hayden has wanted to yell at her for years. I bet they yell at her when you lot leave."

"You're probably right," I said. "You two will have to fill me in on what happens. Let's go over to mum and dad."

They didn't need to be told twice. The three of us walked over to join where the entire family was standing. Even mum and dad's friends were there and so were some other adults who I knew through Hayden's friends. I was surprised by the crowd that this situation drew. Many people knew what she had done though and they hated her. Hailey wasn't the type of person to really hate anyone, but I could see the look of fury in her face. It wasn't often one would see that in her angelic face. In fact, the last time I'd seen it was when she'd told me off.

Hayden turned away from her and walked over to us. Mum stepped forward to give him a hug and then everyone started to congratulate him and reassure him that he was better off with us. He bent down to pick up Hailey. Rachel who had been observing all of this was now staring at Hailey. I knew she knew what had happened all those years ago, but why would she stare at her? Hailey noticed and the two of them stared at each other before Hailey demanded to be put down. To everyone's shock, Hailey walked over to her. Mum called after her, but she didn't listen. I heard Hayden mutter for her to let it happen.

The majority of the time, my little sister was very quiet. She rarely spoke up when we all fought. Yet at times she reminded me of myself. I could never hold back my opinion for certain things. This was one of those times when she couldn't keep quiet. It was the same when she'd yelled at me to apologize to mum and dad at the beginning of the summer. No one moved as Hailey reached her. I wished that it wasn't so loud on the platform. I'd give anything to hear what she was saying. There was a look of guilt on Rachel's face though.

William and Cameron looked at each other and then nodded. They both walked over to them as well. I hesitated because I didn't know if they were going over to fetch Hailey or to talk to Rachel. Once I saw that they were talking to her, I followed over. The Hoofer siblings were taking a stand against this woman. Hayden had his say and now it was our turn. Mum and dad would have their turn soon enough too.

When I reached them, it was Cameron who was speaking up.

"Nothing you say can justify what you did," he was saying.

"Are you really ten?" She asked him.

"Yes, why?" He asked.

"That's just a big word for a child your age. I suppose with Ben as your father it doesn't surprise me though," she replied. "You've all turned out well and Alyssa you're so beautiful."

"Out of all of this the only thing you care about is what word he uses?" I asked her ignoring her other compliments for now. "Do you even care about what you did? Don't bring up irrelevant things Rachel. There's another word to add to your vocabulary. Don't try to dodge the subject on hand."

"Alyssa, you've grown so much since I last seen you," she said. "I bet you get good grades in school too."

"Why does that matter?" William asked her. "Of course we grew since the last time you saw us. I don't know smart words like Alyssa and Cameron but I do know you're a bad person."

Usually I would tell William that they weren't 'smart' words, but this wasn't the time.

"You don't know anything about me," Rachel said. "You don't what I went through when I gave him up."

"You don't know what Hayden went through," Hailey told her. "I wasn't even born yet and I know you hurt him. You hurt him more than anyone ever has."

"I knew it would hurt him Hailey. You are too young to understand," Rachel retorted.

"No I am not," she said. "I might be little but I know that it hurts people to do what you did! Hayden wasn't much older than me."

"I don't understand how you can keep defending yourself," I said. "We don't care about your feelings. We only care about how Hayden feels and felt. I was only four when you did that, but I remember everything he went through. I remember how withdrawn he was and how angry he seemed. He stopped playing with us for a while. Now you keep pulling this kind of stuff. You stand here and compliment me on my grades and my beauty, and yet you insulted me in your letter to Hayden. You insulted my parents too. How can you say I turned out so well when you insulted me?"

"I didn't mean any of it," she said. "I was trying to relate to Hayden."

"By calling me a spoiled brat? By telling him he should move in with you as a foster kid? You don't stop do you? You don't realize that to this day you are still affecting him emotionally. That's a big insult to tell your kid they can be your foster kid," I said.

"My parents like being his parents," Cameron said. "It's why they adopted him officially. It's why his last name is Hoofer now instead of whatever your last name is. We're proud to have him as our brother. We don't even talk about his adoption unless it comes up. Mum and dad call him their son. They even told him he can call them mum and dad if he wants, he just hasn't."

"Hayden wasn't born a Hoofer but is one now and will always be one," William added. "He is lucky he has nothing to do with someone like you. You're horrible and stupid too!"

"And we will never be embarrassed by him like you are," I added.

"I am not embarrassed by him," Rachel replied.

"Obviously you are," I said. "Why else would you want him to be seen as a foster kid instead of your real son? Why else would he be a big secret from your daughter. She's the same age as Hailey you know. Hailey loves having him as her big brother. I'm sure your daughter would love it too, but unfortunately for her, she'll never get to meet him. She's missing out."

"So are you!" Cameron said. "He's grown up to an amazing person and a good big brother and son. We're all proud of him. Too bad you aren't."

"Of course I am proud of the young man he has become-" she began.

"You can't be since you don't want him to be your son," William said. "You are a pathetic woman who should have her other daughter taken away. You don't deserve her or any happiness in life. You deserve to be alone forever and ever and have no money or nothing!"

"None of you understand the emotional torment I went through-"

"You don't understand the emotional torment he went through!" Cameron said almost shouting now. "He was eight and you are an adult! Why do you say we turned out so well when you say Hayden escaped nine years of their influence? "

"Alyssa!" I heard mum call. "It's time to go. The train will be leaving in five minutes."

I didn't want to go though. I wanted to keep telling this woman off. I hadn't been able to have my say.

"Rachel, you are a bitch," I told her. "I can tell you want our pity but I don't pity you. Actually, I do but not in the way you want me to. I pity the fact that you are a heartless woman who doesn't understand love. If you did, you wouldn't have given away your son for being magical. You wouldn't be doing the stuff you are doing now."

I turned to my brothers and sister to say good-bye and to give them all hugs. They all called out good-bye and I then I heard Cameron ask his question again. I really wanted to turn around to hear her answer, but I couldn't. I still had to say good-bye to the adults too. I ran over to hug as many of them as I could. Mum whispered in my ear that she was proud of me. I smiled up at her. She'd told me that many times, but for some reason it felt better to hear it at that moment than any other time.

I rushed over to the train where Hayden was waiting for me. He asked me what had happened and I gave him the gist of it. There was more to it, but I figured we could talk more later. As we got on the train, he said something to me that I couldn't remember him ever saying. Perhaps we'd never actually said it to each other because it was implied. He told me he loved me. I gave him a hug and told him that I loved him too.

Hayden turned to leave the train, and I wondered where he was going. He must have forgotten to say good-bye to someone. I went on to our compartment so I could wave good-bye to our parents. Our compartment was full, and most people were by the window. I squeezed my way between Richard and Mackenzie to get closer to the window. I could see Hayden hugging the twins and Hailey who had left Rachel. She was on her own now and watching. She saw me watching her and she tried to wave to me, but I gave her a gesture that would probably make mum and dad ground me any other time. Neither noticed me though, they were watching Hayden with the kids. Rachel looked shocked and then turned away to look at Hayden who stood up and then hurried onto the train.

Moments later, the train began to move. We all waved for as long as we could before we took our seats again. I found myself squeezed between Simon and Reggie (another friend of Richard's) who were both sitting too close to my liking. Both could move over because there was enough space but they seemed happier to be sitting very close to me. Kamar was sitting very close to Mackenzie who looked just as uncomfortable. They were good friends of ours but they were also twelve-year-old boys. I knew from all the talks from my parents and Hayden that they were getting to that age. I also knew my own feelings when it came to boys. Although while I thought all three were cute, I didn't like them like that.

I was thankful when Minnie stuck her head into our compartment and called for us Hoofer kids and Clarissa. I got up quickly taking the lead out the compartment. The other three were quick to follow.

"What's going on?" I asked once we were in the corridors.

"We want to know what happened on the platform," Minnie explained. "Charles got us a compartment and wrote to all of us. I take it you lot haven't looked at your parchments."

"No, we didn't think we would have to yet," Mackenzie said. "It's fine by me though. I think Kamar fancies me."

"I think Simon and Reggie fancy me," I muttered.

"All boys fancy you," Clarissa said and I thought I heard some bitterness in her voice. Why would she take that tone with me? She was a very pretty girl and I knew a lot of boys liked her too. At least I was sure they did.

"Not all," I said and followed to where Minnie beckoned me. "Who is all there?" I asked her.

"Everyone now except Michelle," she answered. "Hayden said we can wait on her. Her friends wanted to talk to her. We'll wait for her to see her parchment. He said we could get you lot."

"I'd like to know what happened," Richard said. "There was quite the audience."

We entered the compartment to find Charles and Hayden sitting across from each other and talking. I hurried in to take a seat beside the window. I hadn't been able to get a window seat in my compartment. Clarissa took the spot beside me, and Mackenzie sat beside her. Richard took a seat in front of us beside Hayden. I was actually surprised Clarissa had chosen to sit beside me instead of Charles. Once everyone was seated, everyone began asking Hayden and me all at once what had happened.

"Wait for Michelle," Hayden said. "That way we don't have to tell it again."

"How long do you think she'll be?" Minnie asked.

"Knowing the gossips she hangs out with, I think it will be at least an hour," Hayden said. "They won't let her look at her parchment. Why a smart girl like her hangs out with that lot will never make sense to me. The only decent ones are Dawn and Catalina."

"They can be fun," Clarissa spoke up. "You don't have to be smart to have fun. They look out for Michelle. They aren't like some girls who are just mean gossips. Michelle's friends aren't like some of the girls in our year," she said as she turned to look at Mackenzie for help.

"They aren't bad," Mackenzie said to Hayden. "Believe me, they could be worse."

"They aren't like Becky or Colleen," Minnie added. "There is gossiping for the fun of it, and there is gossiping to be spiteful. I've talked to Michelle's friends and even Julie-Ann, the worst of that lot can't compare to them."

Hayden shrugged. "I've talked to them too and I just find their conversations to be boring and shallow."

"A lot of girls have those kind of conversations," I told him. "You can be smart but have silly conversations too. You can't tell me that your conversations are always enlightening Hayden."

Hayden just rolled his eyes and then smiled. "Fine, you've got me."

I saw him exchange looks with Charles and Richard though. They all likely thinking we just had silly conversations. It wasn't as if boys conversations were any better. I'd heard some of their conversations about pretty girls, shagging and other silly things. Andrew and Craig had likely talked to Hayden about Michelle. There was no point in telling this all to Hayden or the other boys though.

We changed the subject to the upcoming school year instead. Richard and Charles were in deep conversation about they could win points for the Ravenclaw that year. Minnie and Hayden were discussing the sixth year and we three talked about what second year would be like in comparision to first year.

Although Mackenzie was in Ravenclaw and she had her friends there too, we were still her best friends. We discussed how we could make sure that the three of us, or even the four of us could still hang out as much as possible. We'd managed it the year before, but we did worry that second year would be harder and we wouldn't see each other as much. I knew that Hayden had maintained most of his friendships so I hoped I would be as lucky too. I couldn't imagine life without any of them.

"Clarissa," Hayden said making us look up. "Maybe soon you should get Michelle."

"I'll give her about five more minutes and then I'll go," she said as she glanced at her watch. "I'm actually surprised that she hasn't come. I know she is curious about what happened too."

Not even a minute later, we saw Michelle walk past the compartment door. Charles called out to her and she looked over at us in surprise. I figured she must have been going to Hayden's compartment. The moment she entered the compartment, Hayden grabbed her arm and pulled her down on his lap. I smiled when I saw this. I hadn't seen my brother look this happy in a while. Even on a day after seeing his mother, he was still very happy because of Michelle.

Michelle asked what was going on, and Hayden explained why we were all sitting there. Minnie reached for the door to shut it so that no one could listen in. After Charles explained how we managed to get this compartment (apparently it had originally been Emma's) Hayden finally told us everything that had been said between him and his mother. After some discussion about what could be wrong with Rachel, they wanted to know what had happened when I'd gone over. I didn't tell them everything in order as I had to remember exactly what had been said but I explained the best I could.

I was still feeling quite happy about what had happened. Later I would write to my brothers and Hailey to see what had been said when I left. I knew they couldn't have said much more since they'd left her after I'd gone on the train. However, I also knew that mum and dad wanted to talk to her too. My brothers and sister would have more to tell me I was sure.

The talk turned from Hayden's mother to the family again and Clarissa's little brother, Mickey. I wanted to talk more about Rachel, but they were more interested in what was going on with William and Mickey. Mum and dad wanted to put William in therapy for a little bit to teach him to control his anger a bit better. Ellen and Keith were putting Mickey into therapy to find out why he was so out of control. I'd heard these conversations many times already the past week. I did hope therapy could help both boys, but I wasn't interested in that right now.

Luckily, Michelle turned the subject back to Rachel after a while. She wanted to know if Hayden would keep talking to her now, and he wasn't so sure now. I truly hoped he wouldn't. He didn't need that woman in his life. I knew why he felt he needed her, but she'd already proven that she could be heartless with him. She cared more about herself and keeping her life normal than she did the happiness of her son.

Minnie then revealed that she thought maybe there had been a fight after we'd left. Apparently she'd written to her parents while we were waiting for Michelle, and they hadn't wanted to talk about it. That seemed suspicious to me just as it did to everyone else. If they had just talked to her, they would have said. However, they had said it was best to wait. When parents said that, it meant there was more to it.

All at once, we began writing to our parents to see what was going on.

Mum, what happened after we left? Minnie said it's best to wait. Why is it best to wait?

Mum wrote back almost instantly. It was if she had been expecting this. Perhaps they all were after Minnie had written.

Wait until Hayden hears back from Rachel.

"Your mum must have said something awful to Aunt Ashley," Richard said.

I was assuming they all must have gotten a similar answer. I couldn't help but agree with him. If Hayden had to wait to hear from his mum; she had to have said something bad to either dad or mum. Whatever it was she said, they wanted her to tell Hayden so he could decide for himself if he wanted to talk to her again. I could see most people nodding in agreement to Richard.

"My mum said that you need to hear from your mum first," Michelle said to Hayden.

"She just said the same to me," Clarissa said.

"Dad said the same thing to us," Mackenzie said.

"This is really annoying," Hayden said with a sigh. "It's like first year all over again. I wish mum would just use the damn parchment. Ashley said the reason she isn't telling me is because once I find out what happened; it will be up to me to decide if I want to talk to mum again. It must have been really bad. I understand what they're doing, but I'd rather- well, I am going to try the parchment I sent mum anyway."

So I was right and I felt dread as I thought about it. What if she'd said something about Hailey to mum? What else could she say that would be really bad?

"I thought you said she threw it out in your first year," Minnie was saying as I contemplated this.

I did remember something about that, but Hayden still had his parchment out. How would he reach her?

"I sent her one just recently," Hayden explained. "After her last letter telling me off for telling Ashley and Ben and for my tone in the one letter. I told her it's easier to just use the parchments instead of waiting. I did it right after my party. I know she'll have it by now. Whether she threw it out is a different story. I can't wait a whole week. We didn't mention it when we talked. I should have mentioned it. She brought up the fact that it takes her a while to get back to me after all."

Hayden began writing on his parchment again. Michelle who was now sitting beside him was looking over his shoulder. It showed he really liked her. He hated when people did that. I was sure he was aware of her doing it.

"It had to be awful," Richard said as Hayden wrote. "Even mum is really angry about whatever happened. She has sent a long rant to me, but she has also told me she loves me. She never tells me that. She thinks it should be implied. She said she hopes I know that she'd never abandon me and she regrets everything she said yesterday and anything else in the past too."

That made me think it had to be about Hailey. Why else would Aunt Brenda say something like that. If it affected her to the point that she had to reassure Richard she loved him, it had to be something similar to Hailey. Aunt Brenda had almost lost Dakota after all. As I thought about this, it made me feel that I could forgive her for that remark all those years ago.

"You don't think she said anything about Hailey do you?" Charles asked who was obviously thinking the same thing. "Mum said that Ellen slapped her."

I widened my eyes in surprise just as Clarissa and Michelle asked:

"Mum slapped her?"

"She'd better not have said anything about that!" Hayden said angrily.

"Well it makes sense why they told her to tell you herself," I said to him. "Think about it for a moment."

"Believe me Alyssa, I am thinking about it," Hayden said angrily and then he looked over at me. "Sorry, I am not upset with you. I am just really pissed off right now."

I knew it wasn't me he was angry with though. I'd known it the moment he'd said it to me. I was feeling the same anger that he was. I could tell that he was doing his best to contain his anger and not lash out as he used to when he was little. It was the same way I hoped William would eventually be as well. We were all quiet until Hayden suddenly shouted:

"Bloody Hell!"

I knew at that moment, just as everyone else did that Rachel had said something about Hailey. Every face in the compartment was angry. Michelle was reading over his shoulder and the anger in her face confirmed this for me.

"She said it didn't she?" I demanded more to Michelle then Hayden who was still shaking in anger.

Michelle nodded and then began reading aloud:

"I said something I shouldn't have said Hayden. I told Ben that Ashley was careless when she was pregnant with Hailey. I didn't mean it. I only said it because they were all ganging up on me. Even Andrew's mum and some of your other friends parents were doing it. They shouldn't have ganged up on me and I wouldn't have said it. I must say, I am shaken up and I'm still at the train station."

"She's still trying to get pity!" I yelled angrily. She wasn't even sorry she'd said it. She was only upset that people had ganged up on her. "She's making it out to be everyone elses fault!"

"Even Andrew's mum?" Minnie asked looking over at Hayden. "I wonder who was all there then."

Hayden was already writing back to his mum. His face was very red and he was still shaking quite a bit. I wondered if he would accidentally break something with magic. Sometimes that happened if you lost control.

"I can't believe she would say that after she said the things about you," Clarissa said to me

"Yeah I know," I said and I shook my head. She'd called me spoiled for saying that same thing and yet she'd done it and she wasn't even sorry. I was. I still felt guilty every day. Sometimes I thought about it at night.

"What a despicable woman!" Richard said.

"I'd better tell mum and dad that she already wrote to Hayden," I said as I glanced at my brother with worry. I didn't want him to lose control.

I wrote to mum to let her know that Rachel had gotten back to Hayden about it. I could see that the others were doing this too. I asked mum if she was okay. As I thought about all this though, I started to think about the night I'd done the same thing. Wasn't I just as horrible as Rachel for saying it to mum? I'd said it out of anger because Hayden had basically called me a child. I was just as horrible as she was. Here I was bad-mouthing her, but how I could I when I'd done the same? How I could be angry with Aunt Brenda?

There wasn't a day that went by that I didn't think about what I'd said. There were times when I'd be having fun, but then I would think about it and I'd feel that horrible guilt. I tried not to cry. I hated doing it in front of people, but I also knew that it didn't solve anything anyway. I'd learned that years ago, so whenever I felt the waterworks coming on, I would do my best to do something more productive. That time I couldn't help it though. Thankfully no one seemed to notice. They were all bent over their parchments. I was about to look out the window to hide my tears, but Michelle who had been comforting Hayden noticed.

"Alyssa?" She asked.

I knew there was no point in pretending that I was fine. As every eye went on me, I explained why I was so upset. Hayden tried to reassure him that it wasn't the same thing, but I knew it was. Before I knew it, he was beside me with an arm around my shoulders.

"Alyssa, you were frustrated that night. Yes you were out of line, but every single one of us could see that you regretted it the moment it came out of your mouth. You are also twelve-years-old. You can't be compared to someone in their forties. She should know better. She said it when she knew how much it affected all of us; including you. I even told mum how guilty you felt afterwards. Mum knew what she was doing when she said that. She was angry that everyone was ganging up on her, so she tried to hurt your parents with that," Hayden said to me.

I didn't see how me being twelve was relevant. At my age, I knew better too. Mum, dad and even Hayden were right. I'd acted like a spoiled brat that night. Yes I had regretted it the moment I'd said it. I hadn't meant it at all, but I had still said it. It was because of Hailey that I'd even apologized.

"Exactly Alyssa, you can't keep beating yourself up over it. There is a big difference between the two," Minnie spoke up. "Hayden's mum knew that it would hurt them since Hayden had just written about that to her. I think it was likely a dig at you too when she said it."

Minnie was probably right about that one. Rachel was probably angry about our encounter and I was sure she knew mum and dad or someone else would tell me. Not only did she know it would hurt mum and dad, but me as well and maybe even Aunt Brenda and the others. The scare with Hailey had affected a lot of people. Maybe Rachel had even said it to hurt Hailey too. Thinking of all that still made me feel that I was no better. I knew how hard it was for mum to tell that story, and not even a week later I'd thrown it in her face.

"I still feel so awful about it," I said and I pulled away from Hayden a bit to wipe my face. "I can't help it. I'm always going to regret it. I've tried not to feel so guilty about it, but I do every single day. Then to hear that Rachel said it and then everyone talking about how horrible she is. I am so horrible too."

"No you're not," Michelle said. "You can't be compared to that-that disgusting woman! You knew right away it was wrong Alyssa. Rachel is blaming it on everyone ganging up on her. She tried to get pity from Hayden even then. You've never tried to get pity. You owned up to it right away and you admitted right away that it was wrong and horrible."

She wasn't right about that. It wasn't until Hailey had stopped me from leaving the room that I'd apologized. It wasn't until the next day that I'd given mum and dad a real apology. I'd known the moment the words had left my mouth that it was wrong, but Michelle was wrong when she said I'd admitted it right away.

"And that's how you're different from her," Charles told me. "You recognized that it was wrong without blaming anyone."

"Alyssa, the fact that you feel so much guilt is proof you're a better person," Mackenzie said.

"I'm always going to feel guilty," I said. "And all I want to do is hex Rachel for saying it. I can't believe she would say such a thing. Then it makes me feel like a hypocrite."

"Well that's what I mean," Hayden said angrily. "She brings all these emotions in people. Not just for me, but your parents and now with you too. Maybe she even wanted you to feel guilty for saying that. She hadn't expected for you or the other kids to yell at her. She knew that Ashley and Ben would mention it even if they hadn't threatened her to tell me. With mum, she was doing it as payback. With you, you said something stupid that you regretted. There is a big difference between the two and I hate for you to compare yourself to her. Please don't."

But how could I not compare myself to her? She'd lashed out when people had ganged up on her. I'd lashed out when Hayden had called it grown up talk. It wasn't that easy for me like the others. They all loved me, so they wanted to see the good in me. They all resented Rachel, so it was easy for them to be angry with her. Hayden would always take my side over hers.

"It's hard not to Hayden," I told him while I kept wiping away my tears.

"You're nothing like her," Clarissa insisted. "Everyone sitting in this compartment knows it. So do your parents and all of our parents. I just hope you will soon realize it too, Alyssa. You wrote to me the night that you said it and I remember how much you were full of remorse. Right now, I bet Rachel is all upset about the confrontation and not what she said. She is probably upset that Hayden is angry with her too."

"Clarissa basically nailed it," Hayden said to me. "That's exactly what it is. So please cheer up. We shouldn't all be sitting her so upset. It's the first day of school."

I knew there was truth in that. I still felt guilty but there was no point in insisting that they were wrong anymore. They were going to keep trying to cheer me up. I was lucky to have friends and family who loved me so much. All I wanted to do was go home and give mum a hug. Later I would write to her and dad and tell them how much I loved them.

"Hayden," Michelle started. "Maybe I am crossing the line, but I just really don't think you should talk to her anymore. What good has ever come out of it?"

Everyone in the compartment was nodding in agreement to this. Michelle was right. Ever since the beginning she'd made him feel horrible. He kept talking to her though. He kept telling all of us that we didn't understand, but how could we? Even Michael who understood his need to talk to her had been saying lately that perhaps it was best if he stopped.

"I don't know," Hayden said with a sigh. "I'll have to think about it some more. For now I'm not talking to her. She knows that. I really should get back to Ashley and Ben so they can know that I know now."

"Mum knows we know," Clarissa said to Michelle before she looked over at Hayden. "So likely they know. Everyone is at your place right now. All the kids are in the pool and they're on the patio and talking about today."

"I want to congratulate mum for slapping her," Michelle said.

I wanted to do the same. Ellen often said she hadn't always been a good friend to mum, but even after all these years she was still there for her. They had been friends for twenty years now. I sure hoped things would be the same for my friends. I decided at that moment to write to both mum and dad to tell them how much I loved them, and how sorry I was.

Michelle told Ellen that you are very upset and Hayden has told us the same. Alyssa, I really hope you will listen to all of us when we say it isn't the same thing. We are all together on the patio at this moment, and we've talked about it. Even your Aunt Brenda who was the most vocal about that incident has said the same thing. I believe she is even writing to you at this moment about it. Rachel did it because she hated the confrontation. She doesn't even feel bad about what she said. I can write that with confidence because many of the parents stayed behind. Jared was one of the last to come back, and he knows that she doesn't feel bad. She just feels upset that everyone ganged up on her and that Hayden is angry. You should not have said it, but you felt bad the moment you said it, and you still feel bad. You are also a twelve-year-old girl who couldn't control her emotions. Rachel is in her forties.

At twelve I should know better mum.

Yes you should, but there is still a big difference between an emotional twelve-year-old and a forty year old. I don't care how long it takes. I will do whatever I can to make sure you know there is a difference. You are not like Rachel and you never will be. I really hope you stop beating yourself up over it. Every single person here loves you and so does everyone in that compartment with you. Ben got your message and he wants you to know how much he loves you too. In fact, every single person sitting here wants me to tell you how much they love you.

I know all of you love me. Maybe I am not as bad as Rachel, but I do still feel guilty.

And that's how we know that you are a good girl. Please stop beating yourself up over it. It's the first day of your second year. You're supposed to be enjoying yourself and not thinking about that woman or your guilt. William, Cameron and Hailey are all saying that you aren't the same and they love you too.

Having all these people reassure people me did make me feel better, but I also still felt guilt. Would this feeling ever go away?

A new message appeared on my parchment from a number that I didn't write to very often.

Alyssa, Richard told me that you feel very guilty about what happened today. Your parents are also talking about it. I know that Richard told you that years ago I'd said something similar. It's something I feel awful about to this day, especially after almost losing my son. At times we all say things we say things we regret. If you learn from that mistake, that is a very good thing. It's how you grow as a person. No one is perfect but they can better themselves from making mistakes. It took me longer than it took you to learn, and that is one of my biggest regrets. My first is getting pregnant so soon. I should never have said or thought those things in the first place. I knew how hard it was for your mother and my brother. I do often think about it everyday, especially when I look at Dakota.

I feel I am no better than Rachel because I am a grown adult and it was my sister-in-law and my brother. I also knew the risks of getting pregnant so soon but I wasn't careful after Anthony was born. Your mum didn't know she was pregnant. If anyone should feel terrible and hypocritical, it should be me. Not you. Richard told me that you didn't tell your parents about any of that because you didn't want your mum to feel worse.

Alyssa, don't you realize that makes you an amazing person? You have always been aware of your parents feelings, even as a little girl! I also thank you for not mentioning it to them. I know you aren't doing it for me, but I am still very grateful because the last thing I want is for them to be angry with me. I know I come off as hard, but I love you and your parents and everyone else. You used to call me Aunty Brendy and I actually missed it when you stopped. It isn't easy for me to admit to things like this. I've always felt uncomfortable with admitting my love for even my own husband and son's. So it is taking a lot for me to write to you to say this, but I hate for you to feel so guilty because of that woman. She is the terrible one here, not you or me.

I smiled when I read all of this. I was always going to feel guilty but it was Aunt Brenda out of everyone who made me feel better. I quickly wrote back:

Thank you Aunty Brendy. I really appreciate it coming from you. You shouldn't feel guilty anymore either. Richard knows you love him despite your differences. I hope you know that.

I do know that. Thank you Alyssa. Please enjoy your second year. I know someday you'll make us all proud.

Thankfully, everyone seemed intent on changing the subject and soon we were all laughing together. Once Hayden realized I was happier, he went back to sit with Michelle. All of us seemed to want to be together at that moment instead of separate. We could have all gone back to our compartments, but no one got up. Not even Charles who usually kept his distance didn't get up and leave.

Later on Craig and Andrew even joined us. I was thrilled when he actually decided to sit beside me. My crush that I thought would go away hadn't. I still thought about him a lot even though he was much older. Mackenzie and Clarissa said it was okay as long as I didn't act on it. I didn't care that I was squished right against the window uncomfortably. I was just happy that Andrew and me were touching. I smiled at him and he returned the smile. I just hoped he would never find out how I felt.

Unfortunately, Craig and Andrew wanted to know what had happened on the platform. However, I didn't want to be so sensitive over it, so when Michelle mentioned that we should wait, I told them that it was okay for them to talk about it. Andrew thought that Rachel had said something about me, and got annoyed instantly over it. That did make me smile even if I dreaded the conversation they were about to have. I knew Andrew liked me, even if it wasn't the same way I liked him. As long as he saw me as a friend, that was good enough for me.

"She didn't say anything," I muttered to him before I looked out the window.

My feelings were contradicting each other. I was happy but I was feeling guilty at the same time. I kept my eyes on the scenery outside as Minnie told them what happened. When she stopped, the others would try and fill in anything she missed. I looked away from the window after a while to see Andrew's reaction to it. Both Craig and Andrew were frowning and by the end of it, they were both looking at me.

"You're nothing like her," Craig said to me quickly.

"You're not," Andrew assured me. "She's a grown woman for one thing. For another, she likely meant it."

"Right," I said. I hated how people kept comparing our ages. I was old enough to know better. I glanced over the window again. I didn't want people to keep reassuring me. Aunt Brenda had helped me feel better but I just didn't want to hear it anymore. I still needed to share some guilt in that, even if it wasn't as bad as what Rachel had said or Aunt Brenda. "I really don't want talk about that anymore okay? I don't need people to keep reassuring me."

"Well I think you do, but we'll respect your wishes for now," Andrew told me. "Good on Ellen for slapping her though. Glad she took one out of your book." I didn't look away from the window, but I couldn't help but smile at the last bit again. "Good thing you two are sitting in here Hayden," Andrew said now talking to Hayden. "Your ex came looking for you and she even tried sitting with us for a bit. She claimed it was her compartment too. She was trying to get more information about you and Michelle. She finally left because everyone was ignoring her. Quite an interesting new wardrobe she is wearing though."

I sighed with relief as the talk turned to Cynthia instead. I knew for Hayden and Michelle it was the last thing they wanted to hear, but for me I was glad for the distraction. I wondered if Andrew did it on purpose for me.

I loved starting the school year on the weekend. I'd lucked out when it came to that last year too since it had been a Friday night. The Hufflepuff's wanted to have a party to start off the school year instead of going to bed right away. This was enough to cheer me up. I knew I couldn't dwell on it and I didn't want to annoy everyone with my guilt either.

"Let's get some drinks," Clarissa said to me. "I want to get drunk tonight and I bet you do too."

"I'm not getting drunk," I said. "I didn't like the way I felt last year."

"It gets easier though. You just need to learn to pace yourself is all," Clarissa answered.

"And that's the plan," I told her. "You should take your own advice. I don't want to see you get sick. Mum and dad said you're small and you could get alcohol poisoning."

"It's why you drink water between drinks and you eat plenty," Clarissa replied. "Come on. You should have a few drinks at least. After the day you just had, I think you deserve more than butter beer. Come on Alyssa, don't tell me you're going to be a prude."

"I'll drink but just because someone doesn't drink; it doesn't make them a prude," I told her. "I did like the buzzed feeling it gave me last time. So I will have some. I just don't want to be puking tomorrow."

"I bet they have something else for us too then," Clarissa said.

"Clarissa-" I began.

"I thought you had no problems with it," Clarissa interrupted. "We talked about it during the summer. It does make you feel good Alyssa."

"I don't have any issues with weed," I said. "I do have a problem with using that stuff and alcohol to feel better. I don't want to be the kind of person who turns to things when I feel sad or angry. Remember the stories we've heard about Michael or even your mum. I just want to have fun. You know people are alcoholics when they use it to numb the pain."

"You're twelve, you can't be an alcoholic," Clarissa argued.

"Michael was," I reminded her. "Clarissa, just see if you can get us some drinks. I just want to relax and have fun tonight and not because of earlier. I just want to have fun and that's that."

"I'll be back," she said and she winked at me before she walked over to some older girls she knew.

I sighed. Maybe I was being a bit uptight but mum and dad did talk about Michael's problems often. They used to talk about it a lot when Hayden was going through his angry stage. They were worried he'd turn to alcohol or something to feel better. I didn't want to ever be like that either. I didn't want to associate drinking with numbing the pain as he used to. I just wanted to drink and get that buzzed feeling for the fun of it.

I glanced around the common room. We'd found a spot in the middle. Usually the older students took the corners over while us younger ones took the middle tables. In one corner, Michelle was sitting with a bunch of fourth years and laughing. She had a glass of something in her hand. It was a light pink liquid and I wondered if it was a drink. As I stared at her, someone wrapped their arms around my shoulder and I jumped.

I turned to see Stacey, Robin and Phyllis grinning at me with the second year boys.

"Alyssa!" Stacey said excitedly. "Why don't you want to sit with us? Where is Clarissa."

"I didn't know where you lot went," I answered honestly. "But sit here. Clarissa has gone to see if she can drinks from the older kids."

Clarissa and I had sat with them in the Great Hall but we'd lost track of them when we left. We'd stopped to have a quick talk with Mackenzie and her girlfriends. We weren't close to all the second years, but we all got along quite well anyway. Robin and Phyllis usually hung out with us a lot. Stacey would join at times too. There were a few other girls but they didn't talk to us often. Yona Reyes never talked to anyone at all. She seemed like a nice girl, but she didn't seem as if she wanted friends. We'd all tried to befriend her. Stacey wanted to be friends with everyone to the point that she hung out with a different group or person all the time. She'd found Yona's indifference to be insulting. We'd all tried to tell her it wasn't personal, but sometimes I thought Stacey resented her. Stacey was nice but at times I believed she wanted to be considered popular or something.

"You didn't have a pool party this year," Steven said. "I was looking forward to an invite."

"It was Hayden's seventeenth birthday," I explained. "All the focus was on a party for him. You lot can all come over again for New Years though. I really didn't have anyone over too much this year. Too much happened."

"Cynthia and Hayden?" Stacey asked. "And now Michelle and Hayden. I heard that Hayden was cheating on Cynthia with Michelle-"

"I don't believe that!" Robin interrupted her. "Hayden would never do that. Whoever started that rumour is some bitter girl. Don't tell me you actually believe that."

"Exactly," I said. "I don't want rumours going around about my brother or even my god sister. Hayden broke up with Cynthia because she was too jealous. He got together with Michelle on his birthday. I don't like when people gossip about my family Stacey."

"I'm just telling you what I heard," she said. "It was Denise who told me. So you should ask her where she heard it from."

"Who is Denise?" I asked.

Stacey pointed out to an older girl among the fifth years, one of the girls that Clarissa was talking to in fact.

"Well don't listen to the older kids," I said. "She likely heard it from Eileen or something. Maybe even Cynthia started it to get back at Hayden."

"Wouldn't surprise me," a boy named Travis said. "Some girls can be spiteful. I really don't care about sixth year drama to be honest."

"You only say that cause no girl will look at you," Ryan joked.

"Bet I've kissed more girls than you," Travis retorted.

"Bet you haven't," Steven said.

Thankfully at that moment Clarissa walked over with a tray of drinks.

"None of you have probably kissed," she said as she set the tray on the table.

"Are you forgetting last year?" Cory asked her. "You've snogged every bloke sitting at this table."

"Guilty!" Clarissa sang.

The comments people often made about her never seemed to bother her. It was almost as if she were proud of it, even the ones that weren't true. It was why I often worried about her. I watched as she sat on Steven whose face lit up. I remembered her comment on the train and I wondered how she could think that boys never noticed her. Most were staring at Steven with jealousy.

Everyone reached for a glass. It was the same pink liquid that Michelle and her friends were drinking.

"What is this?" I asked her.

"Just vodka and strawberry lemonade," she answered. "They don't really have too much variety at the moment for alcohol. At least that's what they told me. I think the sixth and seventh years are drinking firewhiskey though. They said we can have as much as we want though. There is plenty for everyone."

"I'm surprised you managed it," Robin said. "The rest of us can never get drinks. No one seems to care when you do it."

"They know what it's like for the older kids to stop them. They don't want to be like that. I doubt they'll let the first years drink though," Clarissa added as she glanced over at the nervous looking new students. "All of them are taller than me," she added sounding a little bitter.

"Not as cute though," Cory said. "Cheers to a new year!" He added as he held his glass up.

"Cheers!" We all answered.

I was glad to see that we were past the basics in classes now. I hoped we would learn some of the fun spells in classes now. I was also glad not to be the youngest ones in school either. We could find our way around without one of the older kids hovering over us. During the first week, sometimes the prefects would check up on us but otherwise they left us alone. The first years we had that year were brats. I knew a lot of them, but I couldn't remember them acting this way back in Primary school.

Emma was sorted into Ravenclaw (to no one's surprise) so I didn't get to see her as much. However, I did my best because I'd promised Tara I would. On the weekend, I asked her to meet me in the court yard with Mackenzie.

"What is going on with the people in your year?" I asked her after she told us how her first week had gone. "Several of our first years are already in detention."

"They're angry that they are no longer the oldest," Emma answered with a shrug. "It's stupid I know, but try explaining that to them. They're used to being the ones everyone looked up to, and now they are back at the bottom. I don't know what they think they are accomplishing by acting like that."

"Boys are stupid sometimes," Clarissa said with a shrug.

"It's not just the boys though," Emma said to her. "It's the girls too. Very few of us first years are the good ones. Lizzy lost all the points I won in Transfiguration."

"It won't last long," Mackenzie said. "The older kids won't stand for it more much longer. They all want to win the house cup. They'll try to get it back to a healthy competition."

"And I expected this to happen next year," I said thinking of the twins and Trevor.

Trevor wasn't as much of a trouble-maker as my brothers but he certainly had his moments too.

"I am tired of it because the older kids lump all of us together," Emma said. "We're the good ones but no one notices. I was told to behave this morning and I was just waiting for Mackenzie."

"Surely Minnie knows that you are good," Clarissa said.

"Minnie is only one sixth year though," Mackenzie told her. "It was the same last year. I mean, we were no where near as bad as these first years. However, the people in her year thought she was biased because of Richard and me. They think the same when it comes to Emma likely. Minnie told people she's like another little cousin."

At that moment, a bunch of the first years went running through the court yard yelling. One of the boys tackled another and then to my surprise hit him. The other boy yelled out angrily and then managed to get out from under him, and then hit the boy back.

"Fight! Fight! Fight!" The other first years started to chant.

"Let's go!" Clarissa said excitedly and jumped up.

"No!" Mackenzie shouted and she grabbed Clarissa's hand. "They'll think we are involved. I think we should get out of here now!"

"Let go of me, I want to watch!" Clarissa said and she pulled out of Mackenzie's grasp and then rushed over.

"She's on her own," Mackenzie said. "I'm leaving. I am not getting in detention."

She got up and stalked off back to the castle. I glanced back at Clarissa debating on what to do. Mackenzie had a point. This fight wasn't going to go unnoticed, and any witness would be in just as much trouble. On the other hand, Clarissa was my best friend.

"Let's go Alyssa," Emma said. "You know that anyone who watches will get detention too. They said at the Welcoming Feast. Don't let yourself get in detention for Clarissa. She's made her choice."

In the distance; I could see some of the older kids running to the court yard. Emma and Mackenzie were right. I couldn't let myself get in trouble for her, even if we were best friends. Our Headmistress had told us that anyone cheering on a fight was just as responsible. She said encouragement was just as bad as fighting. Clarissa knew that, and yet she was there among the first years cheering on whatever the boys were fighting about. I didn't want a detention and the last thing mum and dad needed was to hear about me getting into one. I knew they had enough going on at home.

"It's not betraying her, right?" I asked as Emma grabbed my hand and tugged on it to get me to move.

"She makes her own decisions Alyssa. Just because you two are best friends; it doesn't mean you have to do everything together," Emma told me. "Mum would be so diappointed if I got into a detention only a week into the school year."

I followed Emma and glanced back once. Clarissa didn't even notice we were leaving and the older kids were getting closer. They hadn't noticed us and perhaps if we'd stayed on our bench they would have left us alone. However, I didn't want to take any chances and neither did Emma. We found Mackenzie outside the court yard waiting for us.

"Glad you two came to your senses," Mackenzie said. "The older kids are fed up as it is, and I bet they'd want to pin it on any first or second year in the court yard. Let's just go to the lake. It's too nice to be inside."

Leaving Clarissa there was the start to many of the fights we would have over the years. Emma, Mackenzie and me spent most of the day sitting by the lake. It was a beautiful September day after all. Many people were outside, including Charles and some girl I didn't know. The two were hot and heavy with each. It was a good thing she wasn't out with us to see that.

Just as I had those thoughts though, we heard someone shout our names. Emma and I were talking about what she'd learn in Transfiguration. Mackenzie was busy narrowing her eyes over at her brother. We all turned when we heard our names to see Clarissa walking over to us. It was the angriest I'd seen her in years.

"You left me there!" She shouted as soon as she reached us.

"You know the rules," Mackenzie told her. "The teachers are coming down hard on the fighting. Apparently last year it got to be too much. I have a perfect record so far. If I get a detention; I might not be prefect in fifth year! We told you to come with us."

"Now I have detentions everyday next week!" Clarissa said angrily. "And all because of your selfishness!"

"No! You are in detention because you didn't come with us!" I said standing up. "How are we the selfish ones?"

"Because you should have stayed. All four of us should be in detention. We're friends," Clarissa said angrily. She was looking at me more than Emma and Mackenzie.

Emma looked at me and raised her eyebrows. I didn't know exactly what she was thinking, but I had a feeling it had to do with what she'd said earlier. She was right. We couldn't always do everything together. We always had and sometimes I had a feeling that she was only in Hufflepuff because I was.

Clarissa had always expected me to do what she did, and I never minded. We'd been best friends since birth and we had grown up next door to each other. Now however, as much as I loved her, I wanted to do my own thing. I'd tried to branch out a bit the year before and it had always annoyed her. Now she was angry that I hadn't stuck by to watch the fight with her.

"No, you should have come with us," Mackenzie said. "I tried to stop you. We are not the selfish ones here. You are by expecting us to get in detention with you. Why should all four of us get into detention for what was probably a stupid fight? Clarissa, it's very important for me to be a prefect. I am showing a bad example by watching a fight. I walked away as you should have."

"Best friends are always there for each other," Clarissa said angrily. She turned to me. "I've always been there for you when it comes to problems with your family!" She turned to Mackenzie next. "I am always there for you when the kids call you a brown noser!" She turned to Emma afterwards. "And I am always there for you when people make fun of your mother! And you-" and to my surprise she pointed at Richard who had just shown up out of no where. "I am always there for you when you complain about your mother! I am there for you for all of you and yet you betray me right away!"

Richard looked confused and I couldn't blame him. He had likely been with the boys all day, and he'd probably come out to see what we were up to.

"We didn't betray you!" I shouted. "Clarissa, it's you who is betraying us. This is just so stupid and petty. No wonder the older kids don't take us seriously. You're getting angry with us for something so silly!"

"It's not silly to me!" She shouted.

And then she turned on her heel and walked off. Mackenzie was shaking her head.

"What is it with her?" She asked. "She's changing so much lately and I don't think it's just a- well a womanly thing. Last year was bad enough but I've noticed all week she's been odd."

"Would someone care to explain to me what is going on?" Richard asked taking a seat beside Emma.

I sat back down and the explained everything to him. Richard rolled his eyes when I finished and then smirked while he shook his head.

"She's a card," he said with amusement. "She'll realize how silly she's being and she'll apologize."

"I just don't understand how she can get angry with us over that," Emma said. "We can't get in detention for someone over something so stupid. If it was a matter of defending her... but she wanted to watch a fight! It's just a stupid house rivalry anyway. They are in Gryffindor and Slytherin. I think they are trying to bring all that back or something. They used to be friends. It's not worth us getting into trouble over."

"I love Clarissa but I worry that she is going to be a lot of drama. Mum has told me so much about Ellen and her days at school. Sometimes I think Clarissa is trying to rival her," Mackenzie said. "Last year she got into all that alcohol and now this. Mum told me most of the petty fights your parents had back then were because of Ellen and Michael."

"They were stressed though," I said. "What does Clarissa have to be stressed about? Her parents get along now. Maybe it has to do with Mickey?"

"But she said that they know what is bothering him now didn't she?" Richard asked. "I don't think it's Mickey. She's never really paid that much attention to him. She always just ignored his screams and she has never seemed to care that much about him. It's usually Michelle or Elliot trying to tend to him. Even when she was baby-sitting for the last weeks of summer she just ignored it when he had his moments."

"I don't think it's Mickey. She's always shown indifference to him," Mackenzie agreed. "She only brings it up when we talk about it. Even then I don't think she is as worried about him as everyone else. I kind of wonder if it's about my brother," and she glanced over to where Charles had been. He'd left sometime between when Clarissa had yelled at us and now.

"But Charles notices her," Emma said. "Anytime she is all over him, he gives her the attention back."

"He is like that with any pretty girl though," Mackenzie said. "If a pretty girl shows him attention; he will give it back to her. I know she likes to snog, but I think she wants more with him. I think it's jealousy."

"Maybe we can talk to him about that then," Richard said.

"No, she doesn't want to draw too much attention to it and it will just embarrass her," I said. "We'll just talk to her to see what is wrong."

"Talking to Charles will just annoy him anyway," Mackenzie said. "He doesn't want commitment. I warned her about this at Hayden's party. I really don't want all this stress. Maybe it seems selfish, but I just really need to have good marks. I can't take that kind of stress and I know that with your parents, Ellen's and Michael's problems affected them. She is one of my best friends but I need to think of myself too."

"It's not selfish," Richard said. "It's one thing to be there for a friend. It's another when we have to deal with things like this."

"I'll just talk to her later tonight," I said. "Maybe something else is bothering her."

I was trying to think of other times she might have reacted this way to petty things. I really could think of it. We'd had arguments in the past, but we usually got over them within a day. When we were little kids; we'd have stupid fights over toys or games we wanted to play. Later on we'd talk about it and we could usually laugh about it later. This was the first time that she'd ever really lost it like this, at least with us. I knew she'd had her fights with Michelle over the years. Maybe it was her I could talk to about this. On the other hand though, I didn't want to stress her out over this. She was worrying enough with Hayden and Cynthia.

Later that night, I found Clarissa laying in her bed and staring at the ceiling. I walked over and sat on the edge of her bed.

"What is going on with you Clarissa?" I asked her. "Why would you get so angry with us over that? We did not betray you by leaving. You heard the Headmistress at the Welcoming Feast. She said that they would no longer tolerate fights or the people who egg them on. I don't want a detention for something stupid like that. If I had to defend you, it would be different."

"I know," Clarissa answered and she turned to look at me finally. "It's not really that I am angry with you lot about."

"Then what exactly are you angry about? You'd better apologize to everyone, especially Richard. He had nothing to do with any of it."

"Can't you sense it already Alyssa?" She asked me. "We're starting to drift apart."

"How do you figure?" I asked. "We hung out almost everyday during the summer. We're always together and I still tell you everything. Mackenzie tells us everything before she tells her Ravenclaw friends."

"But we're starting to do things outside of each other too," Clarissa said.

"And that's a bad thing?" I asked her. "We can't always do everything together. We are individual's. Cameron and William don't even do everything together and everyone always lumps them together as one person. I like doing my own thing. What about when we finally get boyfriends? We won't be able to do everything together then. Of course we can't ditch each other for boyfriends. We already agreed we wouldn't, but we can't just rely on each other forever."

Clarissa sighed and sat up. She moved so she could sit beside me.

"I know all that too Alyssa. I am just scared is all. I already wrote to Richard, Emma and Mackenzie to apologize. I figured I'd come find you later, but you came and found me. I do like the fact we have other interests but I'm still scared that we will drift apart too. It was an irrational reaction to finding that you lot were gone; I know and I am really sorry. It's just that I feel so frustrated lately too. I am still so small for my age. Mum had at least grown in her first year but Alyssa, I haven't yet! I am going to be thirteen in December and I am still so short. Elliot isn't that much smaller than me! I just don't think I am going to grow anymore. I want at least one more growth spurt."

"You still have time. A lot of people don't stop growing until their late teens," I told her. "And you grew a lot in our last year of Primary school, remember? I remember your mum said that she grew a lot in her first year. You're older than your mum was because you have a late birthday. So you both grew when you were eleven."

"I'm still smaller than what she was," Clarissa told me. "I know because I heard her talking to dad about it. She is worried about me too. She thinks that maybe the drinking did something to stunt my growth. The first years are taller than me and I hate it! If I could grow to be at least five feet tall I'd be happy."

"How tall are you?" I asked.

To me, Clarissa had always been small because I grew so much. I didn't think this was a good time to tell her that I was insecure about my height. I hated being so much taller than everyone in the second year. I was even taller than some fourth years! Sometimes I worried that I'd be as tall as my father. Girls weren't supposed to be six feet tall! I wasn't even sure of my height at the moment since I'd grown over the summer, so it was hard for me to tell how tall Clarissa was.

"Last time I checked I was just four eight. So I need to grow at least four inches to reach five feet!"

"Well you still can. You're twelve still. I don't know when people stop growing but it's not at twelve. I bet by seventh year you'll be even taller than five feet," I said and then accidentally added: "I wish I could stop growing. I'd give you inches of my height if I could."

"I wish I had that problem," Clarissa said sounding a little bitter. "You're so beautiful and tall. So many boys like you."

"So many boys like you too," I said. "I hear them talking about you. You're very beautiful too. I think you're going to be prettier than Michelle and she is beautiful."

"Right," Clarissa said still sounding down but then she shrugged.

"Clarissa, there's something I've been wondering for a year now. Did you get sorted into Hufflepuff so that you'd be with me?"

"Why do you ask? Do you think I am not Hufflepuff material?" She asked sounding defensive. It made me think that she had.

"Of course you're Hufflepuff material. You've always been loyal to us. I just remember your sorting took forever to get through. I didn't question it last year because I was just glad that we were sorted together. Usually when the hat takes that long on someone's head it's because it is indecisive. You should be honest with me. You were just worried moments ago that we might not be as close and you know that you can trust me."

"It wanted to sort me into Slytherin," she admitted. "Well, it mentioned Gryffindor and Hufflepuff too but it saw a lot of Slytherin in me. How can I fit into this house or Gryffindor if I am more Slytherin material?"

"It could mean a lot of things though Clarissa," I said. "It saw that you could fit into three houses. That's not a bad thing and some of the nicest people we know are in Slytherin. What is the big deal?"

"The big deal is that I don't want to be Slytherin! My parents are both Hufflepuff's. I wouldn't mind Gryffindor because my grandfather was there. I have friends there too. I just couldn't bare to be separated from you though Alyssa. I told the hat that if it could see me in Hufflepuff then I wanted to be sorted with you. We've been living next door to each other since birth!"

I decided there was no point in contradicting her. We'd actually lived next door to each other since we were four, not since birth. However, our mum's had arranged play dates with each other as much as possible. I was sure even back then that we'd seen each other almost everyday. I knew a lot of the time mum had sent me over to Ellen's because of the twins. They'd been a handful for her when they were toddlers.

"It doesn't bother you does it?" Clarissa asked when I didn't respond.

"Of course not. I wanted to be with all three of you. I was relieved it was you," I told her. "You're right. We grew up next to each other. You just have to realize that we can't do everything together, but that doesn't mean we are drifting apart. Also, I am not going to get in detention for you when it's something stupid like watching a fight."

"What if me fighting someone?" Clarissa asked but she was smiling.

"We'll worry about that if it happens," I replied. "But if I don't wait around, don't be too angry. I do want a clean record too. So if I get detention, it has to be worth it."

"Mum thinks it's stupid I'm even in detention," Clarissa said. "But she said it's stupid for me to be angry with you lot too. I admit, I wrote home to complain about you and mum told to be to grow up. She's right of course. She said she doesn't agree that I should be in detention for that but I shouldn't be angry either."

"Well you shouldn't. Not to sound selfish, but I have enough going on without worrying about you being angry with me over something petty," I told her. "And you shouldn't be stressing yourself out either over something silly either. We have enough going on without fighting over silly things. If we fight, we should be fighting over something that is serious."

Clarissa nodded, and for the moment we were okay. At the moment though, I didn't realize that there would be a lot more drama with her as the years went on.


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: Graphic talks in chapter.

"No more serious talk," Andrew said to me as he placed a shot of fire-whiskey in front of me.

"Gladly," I said in response.

I no longer wanted to talk about what had happened on the platform. It was the first night back at school, and we didn't have classes the next day. It was supposed to

a night of catching up with everyone.

At the Welcoming Feast, several of my fellow sixth years wanted to know what had happened. My meeting with mum had gone unnoticed after all. So while we ate; I caught everyone up. I had a feeling that my friends from the other houses would want to know as well.

At times I wished I could be unknown. I was lucky to have so many friends and a family that loved me, but at times like this, I wanted my privacy. Why couldn't I be like some of the other kids in our year that no one focused on?

I could see Becky, Colleen, and Mallory staring over at me. I knew they'd been listening in on the conversation at dinner. All the sixth years had been sitting together. To my surprise, none of the girls had found it funny at all. I'd been sure that at least one of them would have said something nasty. They'd spent the last five years bothering us.

Craig saw where I was looking. He took his own shot and then glanced over at them again.

"You know, I am surprised they haven't said a word," he said.

"I was just thinking the same thing. They've made comments about my adoption and my mother's abandonment for years," I said. "I still haven't forgotten about Becky stealing Cameron's letter to me."

"I don't think they ever took it seriously," Andrew said. "I think actually seeing you and your mum shocked them. A lot of people were staring; even people who don't even know you."

"Probably because we drew a crowd," I said with sigh. "Of all the days she had to come see me was today. She had to be the center of attention. For once the Potter and Weasley families weren't the center of attention. I bet they were glad."

"

were even staring," Craig said.

"I have to remember to write to mum," Andrew said.

"You do that," I said. "I thought we said we weren't going to talk about this," and I reached for the shot that Andrew had set in front of me. "No more talk about mum. Tomorrow I'll likely have to talk about it more with the others. I wish something would happen to someone else for a change. I'm tired of being the one everyone gossips about."

From my break up, to my new relationship to this situation, I never had peace. Why couldn't one of the famous Potter's or Weasley's do something? If they did, everyone, even the people in my year would forget me.

"You should stop being so exciting then," Andrew said with a smile.

"Don't worry," Craig said pouring more shots, "it's only the beginning of the school year. Classes haven't even started yet. Something else will happen, and you will be long forgotten. Maybe Albus Potter will do something stupid again."

"That's probably a given," I said smiling. "He's in his third year now. He's allowed in Hogsmeade."

Harry Potter's second born seemed to want to rebel against the fame. It had been big news back in their year first when Rose Weasley and Albus Potter had befriended Scorpius Malfoy. After that, the boy kept making headlines. Usually, it was just minor things that a typical twelve-year-old would do, but the gossip magazines loved him. Now Lily Potter was in her first year; so they had a third Potter kid to talk about.

That was one thing I was thankful for. I was mainly gossiped about just because my year mostly got along, and I seemed to the most exciting. Not only that; but for some of the kids, my Godmother had taught them. The Hoofer's were also known as a rich family too. At least with me; my life story wouldn't end up in the Prophet. There wouldn't be a write-up about my encounter with my mum the next day. The same couldn't be said for any of the Weasley's or Potter's if they'd had the same situation. If Teddy Lupin's parents had abandoned him instead of dying; he'd be in the Prophet for sure if he ran into them.

I said this after we took another few shots.

"You're right about that," Andrew said.

"You never know," Craig said with a wink. "Reporters would have been there today. It's Lily Potter's first year, and I believe it was for a couple of other Weasley's. You did draw a lot of attention today."

"Oh don't say that," I said.

I wondered if it was possible for that to happen? Could I write Ellen to find out? She wasn't with the Daily Prophet, but she was friends with plenty of other writers. I knew she kept in contact with some of the writers from the Prophet. Apparently one of the was one of the Editors from The Witch Weekly. The woman had taken Ellen under her wing when she'd started writing. The two still kept in contact even now.

So while Craig and Andrew began setting up a chess game; I quickly wrote to Ellen.

"She's going to check with someone named Sylvia," I told the boys as they sat down across from each other.

"Hayden plays winner," Andrew said once he was seated.

"Which will be me," Craig said. "I'm the best chess player."

"Andrew beat you last time," I said as I stared at my parchment waiting for Ellen's response.

It was true that Craig was a good chess player. He was an off and on member of the chess club. At times he would decide it was too 'nerdy.' It wasn't often that one of us could beat him, but we had our moments when we did.

It used to annoy me before we became close friends when Craig got cocky like that. After a while, once I got to know him better, I found it to be endearing. Now I was used to it, and I didn't give it too much thought.

"Only

beat me," Craig said. "But I'll let you go, first mate."

"First and last," Andrew said.

"You say that all the time," Craig said as he rolled his eyes.

"And you say that you'll be the winner every time," Andrew retorted.

I was used to their friendly arguments too. I grinned feeling glad that some things were still normal. A lot had changed just from last term; which I was glad about, but the familiarity of my best friends was something I cherished. I never wanted this to go away, and by the end of last term; I hadn't had much of this.

A message on my parchment finally appeared.

"So?" Andrew asked as I rolled the parchment up.

"I'm good," I answered. "The reporters cared more about Lily and Hugo. The big write-up tomorrow will be about their first day of school. The last Potter going and all that, plus there is a picture of Scorpius Malfoy with the Potter's and Weasley's."

"Bet Draco loves that," Craig joked. "You know, I am surprised your family isn't at least semi-famous with Godric's Hallow."

"People know of it, but it wasn't as big of a deal since that group wasn't around for long or as scary as You-Know-Who. Besides, Ben didn't want Ashley's name featured too much. He basically paid them off to keep it quiet. She got an Order of Merlin and all that, but they made it seem as if she only had a small role in it. I think Harry, Ron, and Hermione got most of the glory for it. The article was mainly about how Harry defeated a group thirty years after where he was originally attacked," I explained. "I'm glad about that."

"I thought Harry didn't like taking credit for what other people did," Craig said.

"Doesn't matter if he likes it or not," Andrew said. "They'll make it seem that way regardless. The Daily Prophet would have taken advantage of the fact that Ben paid them off. Didn't he ask Harry to do that anyway?"

"No," I responded. "He asked Harry to keep it quiet for her sake, but that's it. Harry wanted her to have more credit, but Ben said he didn't want that for her or our family. So Harry did what he could to keep it from going that way. The Daily Prophet just took advantage of the fact that the trio was there fighting. They don't care if it's a lie or not. It's about selling the paper, and that's it."

"And Ashley was okay with that?" Craig asked looking skeptical. "I thought she hated when Ben did things like that."

"Depends on what it is, and she'd rather not remember that night for obvious reasons," I replied.

"I don't think Minnie would take that too well," Craig said.

"I think it depends," I said. "I don't think anyone would want what happened that night to be glorified."

"Harry never wanted what happened to him glorified, but it did anyway," Andrew said with raised eyebrows.

"You're comparing apples to oranges though," I said. "You-Know-Who was ten times scarier than that group was. He defeated You-Know-Who when he was just a baby. All the things that group did can't compare to how the Wizarding World was back then."

"I wonder what that would have been like," Craig said as he took out one of Andrew's pieces. "Could you imagine being famous for that? And then having people constantly reminding you of it. I've heard of some of the things he went through at school."

"And every year he was at school; something happened," I said. "He had to fight every year."

"He probably wishes he had your drama," Andrew said taking out two of Craig's pieces with a swift move.

"I wish you had my drama," I retorted. "I'm surprised you don't. Girls never get obsessed with you. They did with Jared but they don't with you."

"Girls know better than to fall for me," Andrew said with a wink.

"That's for sure," Craig said. "It's why they never come back. After one time they can't take anymore."

"They get too much one time that they can't handle anymore," Andrew said and he managed to take two more of Craig's men.

"You've been practicing," I said.

"I wouldn't call it practicing," Andrew said with a smirk. "But the more experience you have; the better you get."

"I have a feeling we aren't talking about chess," I said shaking my head.

"And you were?" Andrew laughed.

"I thought I was," I laughed.

"You know, I think little Alyssa has a crush on you," Craig said to Andrew and I instantly felt annoyed.

She was twelve. He'd better not joke about Andrew and Alyssa. She was too young for us to even have this discussion about her for one thing. For another thing, she was way too smart to ever go for a bloke like Andrew when she was old enough. Lastly, I just didn't want to hear about my sister that way at all.

"Not likely," Andrew said. "She's like another sister to me and she's still a little girl."

"Not that little," Craig said.

"For a sixth year like me she is little," Andrew said defiantly. "She's twelve and a second year. She likes blokes her own age."

"If you say so, but I just thought it looked it on the train. No need to get defensive. I was making an observation. I never said anything about you going for her," Craig replied.

"Considering Hayden's face is turning red," Andrew said looking at me. "I don't think this is the best conversation."

"I don't want to hear things like that about her," I said trying to keep my temper down.

"All I said is I think she has a crush," Craig said. "And that's all. You two need to relax. I never said anything else about it. Kids that age do get crushes on older people, or have you two already forgotten what it's like to be twelve."

"I just know how you get," I told him. "I don't want to hear jokes about Alyssa shagging-"

"Relax mate, I wasn't going to," Craig interrupted. "I just think she looked really happy when Andrew sat beside her. Her entire face lit up."

"She's always looked up to me though," Andrew said. "Even if she was old enough; she wouldn't go for me. She doesn't like how I shag around at all. She thinks I should find a girl and settle down. A smart girl like Alyssa wouldn't give me a chance; which is fine because she's a little girl."

He sounded disappointed and I narrowed my eyes suspiciously at Andrew as he looked back down at the chessboard. A lot of blokes in our year thought she was beautiful despite her age. Even I could admit it. What if he was attracted to her?

. I thought to myself. I was already going to be suspicious of her boyfriends. I didn't need to be that way with my best friend.

I sighed. My first day back was not a good one at all. Now I was brooding about Alyssa and Andrew. I hoped things wouldn't be like this all year.

I didn't have to worry about that thankfully. Sixth year started out complicated enough, but everyone seemed to be over my break up with Cynthia. No one said a word about it, at least not to me. Only a few people made some comments about Michelle and me, but otherwise, they seemed to have moved on.

Everyone was more interested in the fact that we were NEWT students now. Soon we would be taking apparition lessons. The younger kids were all nervous around us too. I would never be mean to a younger student, but it did make me finally feel grown up. A second year even called me 'mister' when he needed to me to move from the notice board.

I checked the Prophet every day as well. I still worried a little that the confrontation would end up in the paper, but it didn't. There was a write-up in the paper about Lily, Hugo and another Weasley named Lucy but that was it. Everything else held no interest to me, and after a week, I stopped looking for anything about it.

I did find it a little hard to spend time with Michelle however. I wanted to hang around with my friends too, and so did she. We wrote to each other a lot on the parchments, and she told me how much it bothered and worried her. I reassured her that she had nothing to worry about. Cynthia and I had made it work after all. Our problems had nothing to do with being in separate houses.

Michelle was a nice change from my ex-girlfriend though. She wasn't clingy; she was independent, she wasn't too self-conscious, she never complained if she got dirty, or if we walked too much. She was the kind of girl I was looking for. I could take for a walk around the lake without her complaining that her heels got muddy. If we went outside, she wore the appropriate shoes for it. She was usually honest about her feelings.

I did miss her though. With Cynthia, at least we had some classes together. There were times when I would be counting down until the moment I would see her again. I tried not to do this too much around my friends. I didn't want to be that bloke who ignored his friends for his girlfriend, but sometimes it could be hard.

A week and a half into the school year; I did just that when Minnie and I were working together in the library. Andrew and Craig were supposed to be meeting us, and I wasn't sure where her friends were or the rest of our group. Minnie was talking to me, but I wasn't hearing a word she was saying. My mind was on a make out session I'd had the night before with Michelle.

"Hayden!" Minnie said slapping the table and causing me to jump.

This caused the librarian Madam Pince to glare in our direction. A few fifth years at nearby table hushed her while other people stared.

"What?" I asked.

"I know you are in love with Michelle, but you shouldn't ignore your friends," she told me. "Don't be like you were with Cynthia."

"I'm not," I responded. "And I wasn't ignoring you."

"Yes you were because if you'd heard me; you would have said something," Minnie said, and she folded her arms. "You're terrible when you get into a new relationship; you know that?"

"So are you," I said. "When you and Craig first got together; I could never get your attention. Craig was even worse. Now, what was so important?"

"I talked to Cynthia last night," Minnie said with a sigh. "Well, I told her off more like, and she said that I was right and that she was sorry. She said that-"

"She was probably lying," I interrupted.

"No she wasn't," Minnie said. "She knows she was being an idiot about it. She said she knew it even when she was doing it. She said she was just so desperate to get you back that she did everything Eileen told her. After she hit on Craig, she realized she was wrong, and she's been feeling guilty ever since. She told me she doesn't want to be another Judy, and that she is going to talk to you, Michelle and Alyssa. She wants to apologize, and she wants to move on. She was sincere Hayden. I could tell. I just figured you should know."

"Well I hope it's true," I said with a shrug. "I really don't want her to be another Judy either. I can't see it though. I'd rather we all get along for the last two years as well. Although our friendship will never be the same again. I am willing to be friendly with her if she is willing to be. I won't talk to her until I know she is sincere though."

"She figures that," Minnie responded. "Her plan I think is to talk to Alyssa and Michelle first, and then you. But I mean, I can tell when she is lying, just as when I can usually tell with you, Cassidy, and Craig. She is sincere. A lot of people can be stupid about their first loves though. You were," and then she smirked at me. "And that's how I know that you weren't listening to me. You would have said something."

"You're right," I finally admitted with a grin. "I was thinking about Michelle, but it's hard not to. I just can't believe I am with her."

Minnie giggled and then picked up her quill.

"I still remember when you didn't like her," she said. "I used to have to convince you to hang out with her."

"It's not that I disliked her, I just didn't want to hang out with her. She was like one of the kids to me," I replied. "But she does think I did hate her, and I feel awful about that. She told me that the summer before our first year that she was sad about me going. I ignored her that entire summer. I wished I'd known back then. She was like an annoying little sister though."

Minnie shrugged. "Look how much I used to dislike Craig. Remember, we only hung out with him because of Colin and the others. It wasn't until he started to hang out with you and Andrew that he really changed. I was shocked to find out that he liked me in third year. He's always been so picky, and there are prettier girls than me."

Back in the day, I hated admitting that Minnie was pretty. I didn't want people to get the wrong idea, but also because she was a cousin to me, even if we weren't related. It just felt wrong. She was just someone who was always there anyway. I hadn't really recognized her as a real girl until maybe second year. However, I knew she was beautiful, and the past year I'd even started to admit to that. I think it was another reason for Cynthia to get jealous. She'd taken the compliments the wrong way. She had never gotten that way when I said the same thing about other girls.

So as Minnie said this, I looked at her incredulously. She'd never been the type to be self-conscious either. Ever since she was a little girl, everyone would tell her she was beautiful. I remembered at some of the weddings that she'd been a flower girl at that she'd brag about how beautiful she looked.

"You realize that you are one of the prettiest in our year," I said to her. "He doesn't have much to choose from when it comes to more beautiful girls. Since when are you doubtful about that anyway? You're not normally the type with low self-esteem."

Minnie giggled again. "I know I am attractive Hayden, but I used to see the way Craig was. I still sometimes see the way he is. Now I know he'll always come back to me because I know he loves me. It's just I know there are prettier girls than me, and I've seen him stop in his tracks to stare. In third year, before he admitted to me how he felt, he'd done that, and then he'd followed the girl. I think she was a fifth year and she was gorgeous."

"Craig liked you since first year," I told her. "And I noticed beautiful girls too, but it didn't stop me from liking Cynthia, and it hasn't stopped me from liking Michelle."

Minnie set her quill down and stared at me opened mouthed.

"I never knew that," she said. "Why didn't you tell me? I thought it was third year. I started to like him in second year. When did that happen?"

"He didn't want us to tell anyone. It was shortly before New Years. Andrew and Craig were trying to get me to kiss Cynthia. It was the entire reason we had to kiss on New Years. I didn't want to be a set up like that. It's how we got the idea to draw names. We joked that we should get him to kiss you, but none of us felt comfortable with him doing it if you didn't want it. That was another reason we set that up. We wanted you on board with it. He got excited about the prospect of kissing you. He liked you ever since," I explained. "He was like me. It took him forever to admit it. I'm sorry, but he's one of my best mates too. I couldn't tell you."

"Hmm," Minnie said picking up her quill again. "I'll have to talk to him about that when they get here. So much for getting ahead in Transfiguration. I've barely written a sentence since we sat down."

"I haven't written anything," I said pushing me parchment towards her. "I'm never going to get these non-verbal spells."

"You will," Minnie said. "You're powerful. Remember what Uncle Ben used to say? It's all about confidence. I think you can do it. You're usually one of the first. Or maybe a little fourth year is distracting you."

"It's not Michelle," I said quickly. "Remember, I had no problem when I was with Cynthia. I'm just overwhelmed. Ben and Ashley were right when they said the workload wasn't as much as last year, but it's still a lot, and it's complicated."

"Well, so far no one has done any spells yet non-verbally Hayden. Hence the reason why we have all this homework," she said. "I'm not even looking forward to Arithmancy. Where is Andrew anyway? He is too good at that class. I need him."

"Don't let Craig hear you say that," I said.

"He'll get over it," Minnie said. "What is keeping that lot anyway?"

"I don't know," I said. "Those two are always late. Maybe they have a secret relationship after all."

It was a running joke back in our second year. Andrew and Craig were always late. I could never understand what it was that kept them. We'd stop joking around about that after Craig had sent the boil hex at Marco in fury.

"Good thing you're good at making the potion to cure boils," Minnie said with a smirk.

"Why are they behind me?" I asked, and I turned in my seat to look around.

"No, but I made you look," Minnie said. "What were they doing before you came down?"

"I was talking to Michelle before I came here," I answered. "And I can't blame it on girls for them. You're here," and then remembering the conversation, we'd had our first night here I sighed. "Want to hear something mental?"

"If it has to do with Craig and Andrew; I am not so sure," Minnie answered.

"Craig reckons that Alyssa fancies Andrew," I told her.

"Oh that. Well, it's a possibility, but she is twelve. It's normal for young girls to fancy older guys. It doesn't mean anything," Minnie said with a shrug.

"Wait, you knew about it?" I asked her. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because Craig told me that he told you too," Minnie said. "We were talking about it last week. I don't know if she does or not. If she does, I'm just saying it's not a big deal. It happens all the time. Mum told me that before she noticed dad that she was in love with Cedric Diggory, but she never went for him."

"Could it be because he died?" I asked. "And look at Michelle. She was too young for me for years."

"No, she was quite young, and he usually had a girlfriend, but mum knew she didn't stand a chance. Not everyone is like you and Michelle either. Most of the time with younger kids, it's just a passing crush. Ellen told me that girls have been in love with Professor Martin for years. I hope you're not going to say anything to Alyssa about it. Craig could be completely wrong, and it will embarrass her," Minnie said.

"It hadn't occurred to me," I said.

"Well don't," Minnie said. "Just let it go. Alyssa is going to fancy a lot of blokes, and you can't stand in her way. If you get angry every time, she will never confide in you either. You'll just push her away, and you'll make her feel like a child. Remember how angry she was in the summer. You have to let her grow up, and you have to give her room to breathe."

"I know," I said. "I already told her that I would leave her alone when it comes to that stuff. I just told her to make sure I don't hear about it too much."

"Well, I hope you won't freak out too much if you do," Minnie replied. "I am glad I don't have an older brother. I only have to deal with dad at holidays. I've been lucky when it comes to you. You haven't been too annoying with my dates."

"Craig had the talk though," I told her.

"Craig had the talk about what?"

Craig and Andrew sat down at the table with. Craig was grinning as he took a seat beside Minnie.

"About you not hurting Minnie," I said.

Andrew laughed.

"Craig was scared to tell you how he felt," he said.

"And according to Hayden, you actually liked me since first year," Minnie said with folded arms. "I wish I'd known."

"I didn't have the nerve," Craig said. "And besides, what do eleven or twelve-year-olds know about dating? It's best we waited."

"What do thirteen-year-olds know?" Andrew asked.

"Well even then it was awkward, but it's not often you stay together with someone you date at twelve," Craig said.

"You could say the same for any age in the teens," I said. "Ben told me that in first year. He said it's rare you last that long, and it depends on the couple. You two are good together though," I said. "I don't think it would have mattered what age you two started to date."

"I just don't understand why you haven't told me since," Minnie said. "You knew I liked you in second year. I told you that on our first date."

Craig shrugged. "I dunno. I wasn't even sure if I did like you. I was excited I got to kiss a pretty girl, and I never forgot about it. You were always pretty, but then you glowed up over the summer between second and third year. So it might have actually been third year when it started. Why were you two talking about that anyway?"

"The things you talk about when we are waiting on you lot," I said quickly.

I didn't feel like bringing up that conversation again. It was one we'd talked about over and over again since I'd gotten with Michelle.

"What took you so long anyway?" I asked. "And where is everyone else?"

"We were playing chess," Craig said. "It went on longer than we thought. We figured we'd be waiting on you anyway. Looks like you two didn't get much done anyway. I was hoping we could copy."

"You know I don't let you copy," Minnie said suddenly stern. "You'd think you'd learn by now."

"You know that I'll always try," Craig said with a wink.

Minnie rolled her eyes just as everyone else started to join us. I was relieved by this. I didn't feel like sitting through their flirting. With everyone else around; they would stop. Marco was also one of the best in Transfiguration, so he could hopefully help us.

"What are you talking about?" Marco asked when I said this. "You're always one of the first to do the spells."

"Yes, but my essays have never been the best," I said. "You understand the way the spell works better."

"Andrew, I need help with Arithmancy," Minnie said. "I'm counting on you. Now help please."

Andrew laughed. "You're not going to get through the next two years without me," he said.

As my friends began joking; my thoughts went back to Michelle. I wondered what she was doing at the moment. Likely she was giggling with her silly friends. I only liked Catalina and Dawn out of her friends. The rest were annoying, but she hung out with them anyway. While the others joked, I glanced at my parchment to see if she'd written. Ashley had, likely to update me on what was going on at home but not Michelle. I pushed it away. I would read Ashley's message later.

"Let's just work on Transfiguration now," I said trying to get my mind off my girlfriend for the moment. Minnie was right after all. "We always get confused when we do different subjects."

Minnie was right. Cynthia apologized to Michelle, who told me all about it shortly after it happened, and then she apologized to Alyssa. A few days after that, she approached me while I was waiting outside the Charms classroom.

We had most of our classes together, but so far she had avoided me. We were the only two waiting outside the class so far. I'd spent the lunch break with Michelle, who had gone to her Ancient Runes class early, so I'd come straight to Charms.

"I'm sure I'm not the first person you want to talk to at the moment," she said with a smile when I raised my eyebrows at her. "But I owe you an apology."

"Minnie said you likely would apologize," I said. "And you've talked to Michelle and Alyssa, so I was expecting it."

"I shouldn't have acted the way I did all summer," Cynthia said. "You were my first love, and it was hard losing you. I even knew last year that things weren't right between us. Then I saw the way you looked at Michelle all the time. It was the way you used to look at me. After a while, you started looking at me like you dreaded it or something. I don't even know why I got so jealous about Minnie. I knew it wasn't her. I guess because it was so easy since everyone always made comments about the two of you."

"It's fine," I told her and I was surprised that it was actually fine.

I'd expected her to apologize to me, and I'd told myself I'd tell her I was okay with it. I wasn't sure if I really was, but looking at her sad face, I realized I truly was okay, and I was over her. I had so resentment whatsoever for her.

"We've had history," I said to her. "It's okay to be a little nutty after a breakup."

"A little?" Cynthia asked. "I went full-on psycho ex-girlfriend. Eileen bumped into me at The Leaky Cauldron the day after our break up. I was hoping you'd be there so we could talk. I listened to her advice about it. I was emotional, and when she went on about what a prat you were, I agreed. After Alyssa hit me, I went home and thought about it. Then I had to be stupid and go for Craig on the train because you weren't there. I'm surprised that Minnie can forgive me for that. After that, it was truly my wake-up call. I've wanted to talk to you lot since but I was scared. Then Minnie confronted me, and I knew what I had to do."

"You realized you made a mistake though," I said. "A lot of people can't. It's why we can forgive you. Look at Judy, she knows and yet she continues all these years later to act like a bitch. I knew all summer that it wasn't you anyway. I figured you'd stop the act."

"I didn't make you cheat on Michelle did I?" She asked. "When I kissed you on your birthday I mean."

"No," I answered. "We weren't together by that point. It happened right after. It wouldn't have been cheating anyway."

"Good," Cynthia said. "I really do hope things work between you two. I won't lie and say that I am completely over you, but I am moving on. I even have a date for the first Hogsmeade weekend. I just want you to be happy Hayden."

We couldn't say much more after that. The rest of the sixth years began to join us. Some people were looking at us curiously. Cynthia smiled and joined her girl friends while Minnie, Craig and Andrew joined me.

"Everything okay?" Andrew asked and I nodded.

"Yes, maybe eventually things can go back to semi-normal," I said.

And perhaps the drama would finally be over for me. I hadn't heard from mum, but Ashley had gone to see her. I wasn't sure how their meeting had gone since I hadn't gotten back to her. It was a reminder to me that I needed to do that. My focus had been on school, Michelle and my friends.

When we entered the classroom, I decided I'd better get back to her. She might have thought I was angry with her for seeing mum. She hadn't messaged me since, and I knew how she stressed. I hoped I hadn't put her through anymore. So while I waited for the Professor to start the class, I quickly wrote to her.

It didn't take long for Ashley to reply back.

I was going to be on edge waiting for the letter however. I should have gotten back to her sooner. I told Craig and Andrew everything in whispers during class. Both stared at me with raised eyebrows. I was sure they were both wondering what it was mum could have told Ashley. I knew they were surprised that Ashley had even gone to see her. I hadn't told them about it, but I'd dismissed it quickly because my thoughts had been on Michelle. Perhaps Minnie was right when she'd said I was too focused on my new girlfriend. I couldn't ignore everything else, even if she did manage to make me happy enough to forget things like my mum.

She was true to her word though, that very night at dinner, an owl flew over and dropped off a letter. I quickly finished dinner, and then left the table hoping that my friends wouldn't follow me. For this, I needed to be alone. I didn't go up to the common room. I knew they'd join me eventually, and I wanted to be alone for a while. I went to one of the many secret passages I knew about. It was dinner hour, and I doubted I'd find any snoggers hidden in the one I was looking for.

Once I knew I was completely alone, I took a deep breath and then opened the letter. Was it going to reveal some truths or had something happened between mum and Ashley that would anger me again? It was a surprise that Ashley had gone to see her. Given her anger and anxiety, it was the last thing I'd expected. I should have written back sooner to give her my support on it.

I read through her letter twice. As I did this, a memory I didn't know I had came back to me. Mum weeping on the floor when I was about three. I'd gone over to comfort her, and she'd shoved me away. I'd stared at her with shock. At times she snapped at me, but she'd never shoved me or hurt me before. She looked furious as we stared at each other.

"This is all your fault!" She'd shouted. "Because of your freakishness, your baby brother or sister is gone!"

I'd been leaning against the wall while I'd read the letter, but now I slid down feeling chilled. There were other times too that she'd snapped at me. Something about a brother or sister not coming, but I'd been too young to comprehend it and I'd forgotten those moments. Mum had blamed

for her miscarriages. She'd always sent me away, but hadn't she started doing it more and more after a while? It was probably when I was about two or three when she'd started doing it more often. Then there were times when she'd be more angrier than usual. She'd miscarried, she'd blamed it on me. But it wasn't my fault. I knew too that she drank a lot. I knew she drank more than most adults did.

And it should have been Michelle who I wrote to, and I would later, but it was Minnie, Andrew, and Craig.

I wrote.

They could all say I put girlfriends first, but I didn't. It was still my three best friends I wanted at that very second. The ones who had always been there for me. Minnie who had been there with me when mum told me she didn't want me anymore, Andrew who I'd told not too much longer after that, and then Craig who'd had my back always, even when I hadn't considered him my best friend at first.

I finally wrote to Ashley.

She knew me so well too. It made me feel guilty that I hadn't always treated her or Ben right. They both knew what I would do or wouldn't do. They knew that I'd want to talk to my friends before my girlfriend. They also knew I would talk to Alyssa as soon as I could as well. I would tell Michelle later, but right now I needed my friends.

It wasn't long before all three of them were there either. We'd used this passageway in our second year at times to talk. We were all so much bigger now that they had to squeeze in. It helped when Minnie sat on Craigs lap.

"Read it," I said. "I can't explain it properly."

Minnie didn't even know Ashley had gone to talk to mum, I hadn't had the chance to tell her. I had a feeling that Craig and Andrew had filled her in. The three read the letter together.

"Wow," Craig finally said at the end. "I don't even know what to say."

"Neither do I," I said. "But I'm remembering things I didn't before. There were a few times she actually told me she lost the babies, but I forgot. I was too young to understand, and I was used to her calling it my freakishness. I think I was three the first time it happened."

"And another time when I was four and you were five," Minnie said. "I was there remember? She was crying in the bathroom and we went in and there was blood. Remember? She said it was her monthly but we heard her didn't we? She said she'd lost another baby because of the unnaturalness. We didn't understand. We thought she was calling her monthly her unnaturalness. By that point I knew what a period was from mum and I explained it to you because you didn't understand all the blood. I'd told you that sometimes girls bled and my mum had it."

I'd forgotten that moment until then. I stared at Minnie remembering how she'd sat down and explained that her mum had to deal with a gross blood mess once a month and soon she would too.

"I remember mum hadn't wanted me to know about it at four, but I'd walked in on her once and so she had to explain," Minnie went on as I remembered that moment. "But I'd kind of forgotten about it anyway until I got closer to twelve, but I'd forgotten the bloody mess at your mum's. I just remembered my mum telling me about periods. Why did we both forget?"

"Well it was probably a traumatic experience for such young kids to see," Andrew said making a face. "And I mean, little kids walk in on their parents in the bathroom all the time but forget about it. I think kids tend to forget that stuff for their own sanity, I mean who wants to remember that when they're older. I walked in on mum in the tub but I've pushed that kind of thing from my memory. I mean, it's normal when kids are little and parents expect not to get that kind of privacy, but everyone forgets it."

"And we probably saw that as a normal adult thing I guess," Minnie said. "Ugh, but there was so much blood all over everything," and she shuddered.

"And she was crying so much," I said as I remembered the same scene.

All the blood on the floor, the sides of the bathtub, the floor and all over mum. And me feeling freaked out and mum saying: "It's just my monthly kids, go on. Get out."

And then a little while later, Minnie explained to me. "Sometimes women bleed. Mum says it will happen to me one day too. It means you're a woman when it happens. I hope it never does. It's gross."

"Glad I'm not a girl," I'd said.

"Your mum was more messed up than anyone realized, probably even before you came," Andrew said.

"Well, Ben said it's probably came from her own abandonment issues," I said. "He and Ashley have been honest about that all along. Her mum never cared for her and then she let the cycle repeat. Probably drank her worries away. I remember thinking she drank more than any grown up I knew. Ashley and Ben had their parties, but she drank everyday and partied every weekend."

"And she blamed all those miscarriages on your magic, but she was just delusional. Most alcoholics don't realize anything is wrong though, but that Mart bloke realized something, and it's why he forced her to stop with your sister. You know, it's probably the reason he never argued about you going to live your real father either. Maybe he even thought your real father fought to have you and she just lied," Andrew said. "I mean, he knew you were part of her life, but then suddenly she tells him you've gone to live with your dad and he knew about her alcoholism? I mean, of course your not with your dad but I bet that's what he thinks."

"Likely, and he probably figured you were better off," Craig said. "According to that letter, they're only together for Kyleigh. So he is probably worried for her sake, and he probably thinks your father felt the same way."

"And Ashley and Ben have probably guessed that as well," I said. "She said she would tell Mart where I really am if she doesn't see a therapist. I bet she wishes she could tell him about the magic, but it's probably better if Mart thinks I am with her because of the alcohol. He knows she is my godmother, so it would make sense that she would fight for custody."

"So your mum has probably been living this lie all these years," Minnie said. "Even with getting pregnant with you by a magical man, which by the way, I still find odd. At times I think she sought one out. It just seems odd that she happened to get pregnant by a magical man. She could even be lying about his other magical son. What if she got pregnant by one of the Hogwarts men Ashley knows? Isn't it a bit odd that she gave birth in September? I remember Ashley and Ben talking about how much she hit on the younger boys at her party."

I felt chilled at that moment. Could my real father be one of her friends? Had she slept with one of her friends and I was the result? The four of us stared at each other, before I reached for my parchment again. I quickly wrote to Ashley and Ben about Minnie's theory. I also wondered if it was possible that it was Jared!

Was Ashley's quick response.

I wrote quickly.

And yet I really hoped it was true. I hoped it was someone Ashley and Ben knew so that the mystery could finally be put to rest. He couldn't try and take responsibility for me, but at least I would know and maybe we could see each other for the first time as father and son even if Ben would always be my dad.

I read to them what Ashley had written back. Maybe by that night, I'd know who my real father was.

"They'll probably feel guilty and angry," Andrew said. "They're all good blokes."

"We should get back," I said with a sigh. "And I need to tell Michelle. I needed you three first, but I need to tell her and Alyssa too. Perhaps we can all find out together who it really is."

But to my dismay, Ashley didn't find it out. If it was any of the three, they weren't answering back right away. Mum started to write to me too, I think because Ashley had demanded answers. I demanded answers too, but she wouldn't tell me. So I tried to push all that from my mind. I couldn't let it all distract me from Michelle or my school work.

And I loved Michelle. It was a revelation that woke me up in the middle of the night close to our first Hogsmeade trip. I told her everything, and she was a great source of comfort to me. She was the kind of girl I wanted to be with. I'd wanted Cynthia because she was beautiful, but with Michelle, I loved her beauty but it was more than that. I'd thought at first it was just lust, but I woke up in the middle of the night after dreaming about marrying her, and it didn't scare me. It made me happy. I'd had the dream about Cynthia once, and it scared me.

When I took her to a special spot I'd found in Hogsmeade, Michelle didn't complain about the climb. I hadn't even tried with Cynthia because I knew she would hate it, and it was during that trip that I told her how I felt. She stared back at me in shock, and then she was upset because she didn't feel the same way. I understood though. She was fourteen and I was seventeen. Of course she couldn't know yet, but I did know. Even if she never loved me back, I loved her.

"You don't think I'm confusing lust with love like I did with Cindy do you?" I asked Minnie after I told her my revelation. She'd stared at me for quite a long time. Maybe I was, but I really didn't think so.

"No," she finally said. "I think you have for a long time. I'm just worried about you because she doesn't feel the same way yet."

"I can wait," I said. "But what do you mean you think I have for a long time."

"Ever since the two of you started hanging out more," she said. "I think you loved her, and then you fell even more in love with her recently. I'm happy for you Hayden because now you understand how Craig and I feel, but I worry too because of her age. She loves being with you, it's obvious. I've seen the way she looks at you, but I just don't think she knows she loves you or it's not the level you feel yet."

"Minnie, if she never loves me back I'll be grateful for the time we had together. I won't pull a Cynthia," I told her. "I think she will love me someday. All I can do for now is show her how much I love her, and let her go if she doesn't."

"But she's so young," Minnie said.

"So am I. So are you and Craig. Age has nothing to do with love Minnie. Look at your parents and mine. Ben was in love with Ashley since he was Alyssa's age."

"Well, there is truth in that. I just worry about you. Michelle is so sweet so she would never intentionally hurt you, but I do still worry about you. You've been hurt so many times in the past. I just don't want it to happen anymore, so I just hope you're right. You deserve happiness and love," Minnie said.

"I know you worry, and I am glad and you'll be the first I'll talk to if it all goes to hell," I told Minnie. "Though Alyssa, Craig, and Andrew will be next in line. And many others."

And yet, I felt full confidence that I wouldn't have to worry about it. Even if we did break up, I wouldn't be as hurt as I should have been. I loved her, but I would let her go, and I'd been hurt so many times that I could handle it from the girl I loved. Minnie wasn't wrong when she said I'd been hurt enough.

Michelle was happy with me though, so I took what I could get. In November, we spent quite a bit of time together. I hadn't scared her off with my confession, in fact, it made her seem even happier. We tried to spend equal time with our friends, but we always seemed more eager to be with each other. We even told each other the most mundane details or our days. The details I usually omitted when I'd been with Cynthia. She was the one often reassuring me when I'd get disappointed because Ashley and Ben hadn't found out anything. When mum wrote, it was just to get back in my life. I always wrote back that she had to tell me the truth first.

And then at the end of November, I finally got the message I'd been waiting for from Ashley.

I felt cold as I read through this. I'd been around this man so many times and he could be my real dad. He was at almost every party Ashley had. He'd even held me on his lap when I was small boy. He'd been there for my seventeenth. He thought he knew, but he'd hid that secret, and yet I couldn't blame him. It was her fault. She'd gone for a fourteen year old boy, and it was that part that gave me chills. My overage mum had gone after an innocent fourteen year old. When Minnie had told her theory, I hadn't given it much thought that he'd been a teenager. It was disgusting.

And once again, I was writing my friends but I included Michelle and Alyssa this time. As I thought of them, I felt disgusted. How would we react if one of Ashley's friends went for Michelle or Alyssa, or any of us? People always acted like it was worse when it was a man, but it was just as disgusting when it was a woman. It made me feel worse about my mum and I felt bad for this Brad bloke. Even if he wasn't my father, I felt bad for him.

Once they were with me, this time outside, I told them everything Ashley had just written me. All their eyes widened. I don't even think Minnie had thought of his age when she'd suggested her theory. We all looked at Michelle who was that age. I'd hurt any man who felt the need to touch her. Alyssa looked terrified as she stared at Michelle.

"It's disgusting," Alyssa said. "It's Charlies age, and Michelle's age and a grown woman took advantage. No wonder he was scared."

"It's statutory rape!" Minnie spat out. "She knew he'd want her and she took advantage."

"It's not that with us is it?" Michelle asked worriedly as she pointed to me and then her. "I mean, he's an adult too."

"I don't know," Minnie said with a frown. "You two love each other, and you haven't done anything and we're all teens. I don't think it's the same as with a grown woman and a teenaged boy, but the law might not see it the same way. But it happens so much with people your ages that I don't think it's that big of a deal. The teachers know you're together and I think if it was wrong, they'd have said something."

The teachers had caught Michelle and me snogging a few times. I didn't want to talk about this though. I didn't want my mothers disgusting act to taint my relationship. We had an age difference of two and a half years while she'd been in her twenties and preyed against an adolescent boy. I didn't want Michelle to think I was doing the same. No one would let us date if it was the same thing, and I wouldn't touch her beyond kissing until I felt she was ready. I didn't even think her and me should shag until she was at least sixteen. I figured if it was wrong, our parents and our teachers would have said something by now though.

"It's not bad between us," I told Michelle. "It can't be compared to what mum did."

"I know it can't," she said.

I tried not to let any of the usual drama affect my grades. I needed good NEWTs. Thankfully, even with everything going on, I still brought in my good grades. Everyday, I waited on edge for the news of who my father could be, but I found that distracting myself in my work helped bring up my grades. I didn't let my relationships with my friends or my girlfriend to change. I did my best to look after my sister and other cousins too.

And then, as the Christmas Break approached, both my mother and Ashley wrote to me.

Mum didn't write back, but Ashley did that very same day and I had a feeling it was because she'd wrote mum first. She'd told her the news. It was too suspicious after all to me. They'd done the DNA test. It had taken a while for Brad to get back, and I'd had to send my own samples of course through the mail. Brad, and not some random bloke was my father. My father had been a fourteen-year-old kid taken advantage by an older woman.

It made me feel sick every time I thought about it, and I didn't know what I'd do if I didn't have Michelle, or my friends by my side. I didn't know if Cynthia could have handled this kind of news, or if I could have even told her about it. Michelle was there to reassure me, and I worried I was too much baggage for her. She should have been having fun with a boyfriend, not have to constantly reassure one like she was with me. It should have been me looking out for her.

"It's not too much baggage," Michelle told me when I apologized to her one afternoon. "And I knew all about your mum before we got together. Everyone has their problems. I have my parents and Mickey. You have your mum."

"I thought their fighting got better," I said looking at her with alarm.

She hadn't said so in so long, and perhaps it was because she was worrying so much about me. She shouldn't have had to worry about her parents and her boyfriend.

"As far as I know they're getting along, but I still worry sometimes," Michelle replied. "Mum sat down and explained everything to me after all. She said that there was a time when she did worry, but she said her and dad wouldn't let it get that way. She also says now that they know what's wrong with Mickey, it makes things easier too. Now that I know there was a problem though, I do worry. You know how parents mask everything. I still think at times mum and dad only stayed together just because mum got pregnant with me."

"But from what I hear, your dad was head over heels in love with your mum. Kind of like my dad was with mine," I said.

"You called him your dad," Michelle said looking pleased.

"Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't," I said. "I know Ashley and Ben are my mum and dad but sometimes calling them that isn't easy. I don't think you have to worry about your parents though, and from what I've heard, we'll be going back to a different Mickey."

"That's what mum said," Michelle said. "She said at times he goes on the verge of one of his tantrums, but then manages to calm himself. She said it's so much progress just from the summer. I believe her, and I can't wait to see him at Christmas. She said he's like his usual cherub self. I've heard there is progress with William too."

I felt guilty when she mentioned William. I hadn't asked about him for so long. I'd been too busy worrying about who could my real father be. I wanted to confront my mum again. How could she go after a fourteen-year-old? It didn't matter if it was consensual. She went for someone eleven years younger than herself, and now it was making me question my own relationship with sweet Michelle. What if I was the predator going after a fourteen-year-old like my mum had? I'd written to Ben about it, and he'd told me it wasn't the same thing at all, and he must have mentioned it to both Keith and Ellen because they'd written to me. I'd been shocked the most seeing Keith, who had been upset about our relationship reassure me.

"What's wrong?" Michelle asked when I didn't say anything.

"Oh," I said coming out of my trance. "I've just realized I haven't asked about William at all. Not since the beginning anyway."

"Well, you've had other things on your mind," Michelle answered.

"Still, I really haven't written to the twins or Hailey," I said. "I really should. I'll do that later though. Hard to believe those two will be here next year."

"They're going to try and take this school over," Michelle said laughing. "William thinks they should be the next Weasley twins, and Cameron wants nothing to do with it."

"Yeah I know. I think Cameron will be Ravenclaw. I get the feeling they'll be separated but that's probably a good thing. They can branch out better," I said. "I mean, they have their groups but as you know, the kids you hang out with aren't the same you hang out with here. House loyalties still happen even with knowing each other before school."

"You ever think that Judy girl will change?" Michelle asked. "She was so sweet at one point. I still can't believe she let the bad girls of Slytherin change her."

"Judy won't change by this point, and if she does, we don't care," I told her. "I don't care about the amount of apologies she gives. It would be the same if Colleen and Becky tried to be friends with us again."

"So how come-" Michelle began but then she stopped. "Never mind."

I knew what she wanted to ask though.

"It's different with family than friends," I said. "No one will ever understand my feelings when it comes to my mum. Right now, I don't even understand my feelings because I feel sick at the thought of her seducing a fourteen-year-old kid, I am angry about the stunt that she pulled at the station, I hate the fact that she tried to pit me against the only parents who do love me, and I still have those issues from when she abandoned me. Now all these other memories are coming back, and I am so mixed up because of it, and yet deep down just because she is my birth mother, I still have that need. I didn't have any emotional attachment to those girls."

"Fair enough, but if you don't feel hatred for them, how can you say you wouldn't forgive them?" Michelle asked. "They're bitches for sure, but they never put you through what your mum did."

"It's complicated," I said. "And maybe I could forgive Judy, but I just don't know."

"I'm not meaning to upset you or pry," Michelle said. "I'm just confused. It's hard for me to hate the people here, and yet, if I was in your situation, I don't think I could forgive my mum."

"Because you're not in my situation, and you're so innocent and sweet that you can't hate anyone," I said.

"Not that sweet and innocent," Michelle replied. "And I am capable of hate because I hate your mum so much and I hate Michael's parents too, and they died a year before I was born. I hate anyone who could abandon their child like that. I hate any of the Death Eaters we heard about and Lord Voldemort, and he seems like a fictional story to me."

"You actually said the name," I said feeling impressed. Most people still called him You-Know-Who.

"Not always, but I've been testing it out the last few weeks. He's been dead for a long time. Our parents hadn't even started school yet when he'd died. And I've read quotes in books about Harry Potter that said: Fear of a name increases fear of the thing itself. I guess it was something Dumbledore said, and it's the truth. I mean, why fear someone long dead?"

"It's just the actions I suppose," I said. "It's the truth, but not too many can say it even nowadays and we all feel the same way you do. I try not to as well just because some of the families affected by the war."

"I've just thinking of the Golden Trio can say the name, we can," Michelle said with a shrug. "But it's a personal choice. Anyway, we'll be going home soon enough. You'll see William and Cameron then and you can catch up with them. I think Ashley has promised the twins she'd start keeping them in the loop now anyway so they probably know what's going on with you, and they'll understand. Hailey always understands."

"That's true. She's such a smart and sweet little girl," I said and then looked at Michelle. "But enough of this. Lately our talks have always been about my home life. We promised we'd enjoy this year, and the family drama has started again."

"Sometimes the serious talk will happen," Michelle said and leaned over to kiss. "It can't always be all fun and games, but I love all the time we spend together Hayden. I for one, am enjoying my year and given the last Gryffindor party you lot had from your Quidditch win, I know you are too. You've had a big bombshell dropped on you though. I'd be shocked too."

"You know, Ashley at times talks about how she believes in reincarnation," I began. "And she mentioned that at times we choose our life paths. I often wonder if maybe I'm being punished for being bad in a past life or something."

"No," Michelle said quickly. "I've heard her talk about that too, and sometimes I think I believe in it too, but I don't think we come back as punishment. I think we choose our life paths like she does, but I also don't think everyone can come back magical. The ones who have served many lives do, and when we come here as magical beings, we choose how we want to live our life. You chose a life where you have some challenges."

"But what about Lord V-Voldemort?" I asked.

It was actually satisfying saying the name, but I knew I had to watch who I said it around. Michelle grinned.

"See? Not so hard," she said. "Anyway I'm not really sure with him. I guess some souls do go bad and I think Jared, who also believes in it said that some souls who are awful are stuck in limbo. And he split his anyway so I don't know how it works with someone like that. Maybe he's just destroyed forever and he can't come back. I mean, he split the most important part of him. I mean… you weren't worried you were him reincarnated or something were you?"

"No of course not," I said quickly smiling at that. "I never thought of what I was before I came back, but often I just wonder. I mean, I was born to a mum who didn't want me and then I've had all this drama."

"But besides that, you have a good life," Michelle said. "I know you hate it when people tell you that, but you really do. I mean, yes, you had to lose your mum over it and that is awful, but you live with people who all truly love you, and you are set for life. You have friends who love you, and even if you ended things with Cynthia, you were happy with her at first. You got the girl you'd wanted for years, and then you got with

. And Hayden-" and she paused for a moment. "Well, remember in Hogsmeade when I told you if I wasn't sure if I loved you? Well, I

love you and I'm not saying that to make you feel better. I've been thinking about it a lot lately, and I've talked to Catalina and Dawn. I believe I've loved you since I was nine. So, you have so much love in your life. If you were being punished for a past life; I don't think you'd have so much love, and you wouldn't be so lovable."

A lot of what she said, went over my head. She said she loved me. And I believed her. She wasn't saying it because I wanted to hear it or to make me feel better, she was serious. I could see it in her eyes, in the tone of her voice and just her body language. I didn't have to say anything, I just grabbed a hold of her and kissed her. Maybe she was right after all. I did have plenty of love despite my messed up parentage.

After my talk with Michelle, I cheered up considerably. It wasn't that I spent my days miserable, I made sure to enjoy my time while I could, but I did fall into my moods at times. Many people had always pointed out how much love I had in my life and yet, I'd always gotten annoyed when they did. With Michelle though, I didn't. It wasn't only because she told me that she loved me too. I couldn't explain why coming from her it didn't sound as annoying.

"So is your family going to Florida this year?" Andrew asked one evening as the Christmas holidays drew nearer.

"They haven't mentioned it yet," I replied. "Maybe. In a way, I hope we don't."

"Maybe you can take the beautiful neighbour girl with you," Craig said with a wink. "Minnie wants me to have Christmas dinner with the family this year you know."

"You've had them before," Andrew said.

"Not Christmas dinners," Craig contradicted. "And it's the big Christmas dinner, not just the family one. It's where everyone is together," and then he looked at me. "Is it at your place this year?"

"I think it's at Ben's parents," I replied. "We did it last year. I think even Jaime, Chris, and Graysen will be there. Usually she doesn't go because of all the magic."

Andrew's eyes widened. They all knew about Jaime and her desire to ignore the magic.

"Is something huge happening? They were there for Ashley's birthday but isn't that the last time?"

"No, they were there for my birthday, remember?" I asked. "And I don't think anything is going on. If it is, they haven't told me."

"Oh right, well, that's what I mean. She's only there for special events. Has she even seen your grandparents home?"

That was a good question. I wasn't sure if she had but then I remembered the wedding had been at Ben's parents.

"Yes, but I don't think it's been for years," I replied after thinking about it for a moment. "Ashley and Ben's wedding was there. I can't remember if she went to others, but usually Ben's parents like to invite everyone in Ashley's family too when they have it at their place. So she might have just accepted for once for whatever reason. Not sure how they're going to get there, but Ashley always casts a spell so that the three of them always forget about the magic."

"Does that spell work if people talk about it?" Craig asked.

"I think so," I answered. "I mean, it's hardly fair for everyone to be extra quiet just because of three people, and two of them are in on the secret, so really, it's just the one."

"In a way I can understand why she keeps it secret from Graysen, but it can still be annoying for everyone else," Andrew said. "Should be interesting. Think I can get an invitation to the Hoofer family Christmas?"

"Probably," I said. "My parents love you and friends have always been welcome. One more mouth to feed won't be a big deal."

"You'll be a third wheel though," Craig said to him with him a wink.

Andrew shrugged. "That's not never bothered me. I've been third wheel since you two decided to start dating seriously. I'll just hang out with Charles. Believe me, I am never lonely."

I wondered if that was true though. Not that a person had to be in a relationship to be happy, but I did wonder if he ever wanted a long term girlfriend, but just pretended he didn't. I'd never been single long enough to really know for sure. Since the first year, the longest I'd ever been single for was five or six months. Momentarily, I wondered if that had to do with my issues with my mum, but I pushed it away. There wasn't anything wrong with enjoying being in a relationship.

"The two heart breakers of their year," Craig laughed. "They'll share tips. Charlies will probably give better advice."

Andrew just rolled his eyes.

"You know, I'm surprised Richard isn't," Craig continued. "But he doesn't seem to realize that the girls fawn all over him. William will be the heart breaker in his year."

"Richard cares too much about studying but he notices girls," I said. "And I really hope not with William, but I get the feeling you're right. I mean, no offense to you Andrew, but I don't understand that mindset."

"Eventually I'll meet the right girl," Andrew said with a shrug. "I'm sixteen. And Charles is much worse than I am and I get the feeling William will be too. I just haven't met a girl I want to spend all my time with, but plenty are willing to snog or shag. No point in turning that down. They've always known where they stand with me."

"I feel sorry for the one who finally does," I said.

My thoughts went to Alyssa. Ever since Craig had mentioned it, I watched Alyssa whenever she was around him, and I thought I saw the same thing. I really hoped she didn't like him. It was something we'd have to discuss over the holidays. Michelle and Minnieu both told me not to say anything, but I couldn't keep this quiet. I needed to know. Even if she got over it eventually, I still needed to know because it was my sister and best friend. I trusted Andrew of course, and I knew he knew he was too old for her.

Craig was staring at me, and I wondered if he was thinking the same thing as me.

There was another Hogsmeade visit the last day before school ended. Michelle was meeting up with me later, and I had a feeling it was because she wanted to buy some gifts, so I went down with Andrew.

"This doesn't mean I'm buying you breakfast," Andrew said to me with a grin as we walked down the path to Hogsmeade.

"Then there won't be a second date," I told him pulling my cloak tighter around me.

It was a very windy and snowy day. I was already regretting leaving the warmth of the castle. After all, I could always go to Diagon Alley another day to get gifts, and I already had most of mine bought by owl order. I was only coming so we could all meet up later.

"Why are we going?" Andrew asked me. "Or better yet, why am I going?"

"To keep me company," I shouted over to him over the whistling winds. "I'll buy

breakfast," I added.

"Sounds good to me, and a butterbeer for later," he told me. "As long as we stay in most of the shops it will be fine."

"It shouldn't be as bad in the village. At least the buildings can act as wind barriers," I said.

At least that's what I hoped. I couldn't remember it being this cold before. I was used to the cold winters at Hogwarts, but this walk to the village seemed the worst in the three years that we'd been allowed to go. Although, the year before, Cynthia and I hadn't gone. She hadn't wanted to walk down in the cold, so we'd made use of the deserted corridors instead. I tried not to think of those times because of Michelle, so I shifted my thoughts to my desire on getting to the village.

I could hear Andrew grumbling, but I couldn't hear exactly what it was he was saying. I was sure I heard something about mental though. We didn't say anything else until we reached the village. We headed straight for The Three Broomsticks.

"All this to keep you company," Andrew said.

"Yes well, go get a table and I'll order breakfast and some butterbeers," I told him.

I hurried over the front of order the usual breakfast, and a couple butterbeers. The inn wasn't filled yet, so it wasn't hard to get around like it usually was. I hurried back to Andrew was who was staring over at a group of third year girls. I was about to tell him that they were too young for him, but I stopped myself. Some of them might have been fourteen, like Michelle. Could I really talk?

So I handed him one of the mugs and then sat down. Andrew looked away from the girls and took a long drink.

"Can already feel it warming me up," Andrew said with a grin.

"The girls weren't doing it for you?" I asked as I glanced over at the table of third years.

Andrew shrugged. "Too young. Cute but I want someone to shag and I am not going to corrupt the innocents," and then he winked at me. "Unlike you."

"Not corrupted yet," I said with a smile.

"Does she still worry about that?" Andrew asked looking serious now.

"She hasn't brought it up for a while," I replied. "So I don't know. I think I've assured her that it's fine and I'm willing to wait."

"But you do miss it," Andrew said and I shrugged.

"I miss it, but it will be worth it," I said. "I know that probably sounds cheesy or like a line, but it's the truth. I'd rather wait for her. I honestly don't think Cynthia could have handled all this news about my mother or my parentage. Even if she did love me."

"I doubt it," Andrew said. "I felt squeamish when Minnie brought up the bathroom thing, if Cynthia was there for that-"

"She'd have flipped out," I said. "I'm trying to block that image from my mind again. I wish Minnie hadn't remembered that. I think she is feeling the same way, she has looked pale lately and Craig says she hasn't been eating as much and she usually eats a lot."

"It will take some time likely," Andrew said and his gaze fell on the girls again.

"If you want to ask one of them out, go ahead," I said. "Don't let me stop you."

"Too young," he said and then a group of fifth years girl walked by shivering. "But they aren't."

I rolled my eyes just as our breakfast arrived. We ate in silence. The Inn still didn't fill up but I had a feeling that most people had taken a look out the castle windows and they'd decided not to leave it's warmth. I was already regretting coming out here.

"Wouldn't it be something if Michelle didn't actually come out here?" Andrew asked as he too seemed to be taking in the almost vacant room.

I shrugged. "She would be smart then. I haven't seen Craig or Minnie around either."

"Probably taking advantage of the empty castle," Andrew laughed.

"Is it so empty though?" I asked. "Everyone else is probably smarter than us."

As the day went on, we noticed that it was mainly third years out and about and some teachers. I didn't see too many others and I did begin to wonder if Michelle came out after all.

"They should arrange flooing on days like today," Andrew said to me after we left Honey Dukes. "I'm ready to go. Are you?"

I glanced around. Michelle wasn't around but I was frozen and I didn't have my message parchment with me. So I just nodded. It seemed like a waste of a day. I was glad that Andrew didn't complain much or that he'd been willing to accompany me. I didn't think many would. He was still one of my best friends no matter what. Thankfully, the wind wasn't as bad on the way back.

"So chess game in the common room or are you going to look for the cute neighbour girl?"

"Chess game," I said with a sigh. "I'll see her later."

In a way, I was a little annoyed but I couldn't be too upset with her. She might have written to tell me she wasn't going but since I didn't have my parchment with me, I couldn't check. I should have brought it just in case. If she was there though, why hadn't she sought me out? We'd looked for her but we couldn't find her.

"After I change of course," I added.

I figured a hot shower was in order. I had to hand it to Andrew, he'd ignored all the girls he'd been paying attention to just to keep me company when didn't even have to go. When I was showered and changed, I grabbed my parchment from my night side table and opened it. There were messages from my various friends letting me know they weren't going, but none at all from Michelle.

I wrote to her.

She wrote back.

Now I was angry. I didn't respond back to her. It would be one thing if she'd written and I'd missed it, but she hadn't told me at all. Wasn't it common courtesy to tell each other? I rolled up my parchment and shoved it in my pocket. I wasn't going to respond back to her. We'd talked the night before saying we'd both go. If she'd changed her mind, she should have told me.

I went back down to the common room where Andrew was setting up our chess game. He'd showered and changed quickly, if he had at all that is. He looked warmer however.

"You look pissed," Andrew said once I sat down.

"Girlfriend issues," I said with a sigh. "Not a big deal."

"She didn't go but didn't tell you?" Andrew guessed.

"Yup," I sighed. "I'm not going to think about it just now. I'll confront her tomorrow on the train."

"You're not going to write back to her?" Andrew asked as his eyes widened.

"Nope," I said.

"First fight of the relationship," Andrew said and then whistled.

Thankfully, he decided not to say anything else about it. He just started the game.

I didn't see Michelle around the next day at breakfast, and she didn't send me anymore messages. I wondered if she knew I was angry or maybe she was upset because I didn't respond back. I didn't see Alyssa or Clarissa around anywhere either, so I couldn't ask them. Craig and Minnie were going to meet us in our compartment, so it was just Andrew and me again.

"Might as well go," Andrew said. "She'll come around. Besides, you're the one angry with her. She has no reason to be angry with you. Don't wait around on her."

I knew he had a point. When I fought with Cynthia, and it was her in the wrong, I'd always made her come to me. So I got up once I had my fill and we headed out to meet the carriages together. She would have to come find me on the train if she wanted to talk.

I didn't see Michelle the entire train ride home. I tried not to brood too much about it. I hated being the one who always had the problems and I didn't want to put a damper on the festive mood either. So I joined in on everyone talking and laughing. As much as I loved Michelle, I wondered if I'd rushed into having a girlfriend. I watched Andrew who never seemed to have a care in the world.

"You okay?" Minnie whispered to me and I nodded. "You sure?"

"I'm sure," I muttered back. "And even if I weren't, I don't want to talk about it right now. Everyone is having fun. It can wait."

Minnie glanced at me with concern but then smiled and nodded. I felt something bounce off my head and glanced up to see that it was a rolled up piece of parchment. I grabbed it and looked around for the source. From the looks of it, it was either Colin or Marco who had thrown it. They both had huge grins on their faces.

"You're too quiet Hoofer," Colin said and I tossed the ball at him figuring he was the source.

"Just thinking about Christmas and New Years. I think we're in for a show for New Years this year. Ashley wrote to me last night and told me they managed to get a lot more fireworks this year than usual."

"I still say something is going on," Andrew said. "Some big celebration because Jaime will be there for Christmas and now they're making a big deal out of New Years?"

"I think New Years is because it's twenty years since they all started going," I said. "They did a big celebration reunion thing because it was twenty years since they'd all met, but it wasn't until they're second year that New Years became a big thing. Ashley only invited Ellen, Ben and Michael in their first year. I don't think anything big is going on but I guess I'll find out when I go home."

"And we'll be able to drink this year," Marco said. "Openly I mean."

Craig laughed. "I was going to say. We've done it before, and I am sure they even knew we did it before. They got quite protective at your birthday though."

"Well, they're in charge," I said. "A bunch of drunk kids swimming? They're easy-going, but they know they have to be responsible too. Pretty sure that they don't want to explain to someone's parents that their kid drowned just because they weren't paying attention. I'm surprised everyone actually behaved. Our class isn't usually known for that."

"Yeah but most people respect your parents," Craig said. "There is a difference between being stupid at school and at your place. Are you inviting a bunch of people?"

"No, just the usual crowd," I said. "Maybe next year."

"Think you'll have made it up with the beautiful neighbour girl by then? You won't want to miss out on your New Years kiss," Craig continued with a smirk.

"Wait, you and Michelle are fighting?" Cassidy asked. "Why didn't you say?"

"I didn't want to put a damper on our holidays and I don't know if we are fighting. I am angry with her but maybe she knows it and she is just keeping her distance," I replied.

"We're your friends," Marco said.

"But I'm the one who always has the problems," I sighed. "From my mother to Cynthia to now Michelle. I just wanted for once to have fun. I'm sure things will work themselves out with Michelle. She's sweet enough that I think they will. We live next door to each other, so we'll talk later."

"But you shouldn't be afraid to bring up your problems with your friends," Colin told me. "We don't care. The fact that we're still here after all these years tells you something."

"I know all that," I answered. "But I also like to be able to relax with you lot too, and really, this problem with Michelle is actually tame compared to everything else. All that happened was she didn't bother to tell me she wasn't going to Hogsmeade yesterday, so we went for no reason yesterday. I was annoyed and so I didn't write back to her. I've noticed she has been avoiding me since. So I'm assuming she knows I am angry with her. Maybe she is giving me space. For now, I'd rather just talk about anything but that. There is no point in dwelling on it."

I think I said it firmly enough that they all got it. I appreciated they all wanted to be there for me, but I was just tired of always being the one who had to be comforted all the time. Why couldn't we comfort someone else for a change? I was just tired of it all, and I felt it still all went back to mum. I didn't want to think about her though, so I just smiled and then asked them what else they were doing besides Christmas activities or News Years stuff.

I met Ben, Ashley, and Alyssa out on the platform. I was assuming they left the twins and Hailey at home then. I knew it was stormy though, so they probably didn't want to drive out here. I glanced around the platform to see if I could see Ellen, Keith or the girls but I didn't see them anywhere.

"Ready to go?" Ben asked as he held an arm out to me.

"Yes," I answered.

Perhaps Michelle and Clarissa flooed home for some reason. I'd have to ask Alyssa when we reached home. She was holding Ashley's arm. She looked a bit moody, and I wondered why that was. Perhaps we could have a little sister and big brother talk later. I couldn't dwell on it much longer because Ben spun on the spot, and I was going through that suffocating feeling. Moments later, we were in our living-room. I felt comforted instantly.

A second later, Hailey had run over and leapt into my arms. She had grown since the last time I'd seen her which I was glad about. I lifted her up and hugged her tightly.

"I missed you so much," she told me.

"I missed you too," I said setting her on her feet. "I've noticed you've grown since September."

"An inch and a half!" She said excitedly before she rushed over to hug Alyssa who hugged her back. The boys ran over to hug me. They too had grown. It was amazing how much could change in just four months.

"You've grown too," Ashley said to Alyssa. "You're going to be so tall like your father."

"I know," Alyssa said but she didn't look too happy.

"Let's take our stuff upstairs," I said to her and I gave her a significant look. "We'll be back in a moment," I said to Ashley and Ben. I hoped the kids took that hint too.

"We have a snack spread out in the kitchen," Hailey informed us. "So don't take too long."

"We won't," Alyssa said.

I was surprised nobody pried for once. Ashley and Ben were exchanging looks, but that was it. No one said anything as we headed out of the living-room to go upstairs, and thankfully the kids didn't follow us either. I had a feeling that Alyssa didn't want to talk about whatever it was in front of her parents or the kids. So I waited until we were climbing the stairs.

"Everything okay?" I asked her as we walked up the steps.

"You're not the only one having a problem with the Wicks-Perenge girls," Alyssa replied.

"So Michelle does know I am angry with her then," I said. "She never wrote back."

"Yes, she knows you well enough to know you'd never ignore her," Alyssa said with a faint smile. "It caused a bit of fight with Clarissa and me too, but that's not unusual anyway. It's been drama with her since the beginning of the school year this year."

"Why?" I asked. "What exactly happened?"

Instead of going to my room, I left my trunk in the hall and followed Alyssa into hers. She dragged her trunk over to her bed and then flopped down on her bed.

"Well, Michelle started to get paranoid because you didn't write back, so I asked what happened. She explained that she thought you must have been angry with her because you didn't write back but she figured you'd assume she didn't go to Hogsmeade. Clarissa stood up for her, but I took your side because it was rather rude of her not to tell you she wasn't going so it caused a fight. The funny thing is, even Michelle's friends agree with me that she was rude, so she's fighting with them too. So it was Clarissa and Michelle against everyone else. So they just sat on their own," Alyssa said. "Everyone says the Hoofer's have tempers but those two can have them too. They can go from incredibly sweet to demons in less than a second."

"I haven't really witnessed that with Michelle yet," I said with a shrug. "But maybe I should have just told her I was angry with her. I didn't want to cause a fight with you and Clarissa."

"She should have told you that she wasn't going. And it doesn't take much these days to upset Clarissa. I don't know what's going on with her. We promised at the beginning of the year that we'd talk more after we had a fight, but she still gets moody," Alyssa said. "It's been so hard lately and Richard and Mackenzie are sick of it too. We're trying to understand her but if she won't open up to us, then we can't help her. She just spends all her time flirting with the boys and it makes me worry. I know Michelle has been worried too."

"So when we finally do talk, am I going to have a demon after me?" I asked her.

"Maybe," Alyssa said. "But Hayden, don't get all apologetic. Michelle is in the wrong here, not you. She'll probably realize it too. I think she's just stressed with all the homework she has to do."

"And probably all my problems too," I said.

"No, she finds them a relief because she can focus on helping you rather than her own stuff," Alyssa replied. "Don't ever be afraid to talk about that stuff Hayden. Everything you've found out… well, it would be hard on anyone. Trust me, Michelle doesn't mind any of that stuff. I mean, this fight is stupid, but believe me, any stress she has doesn't have to do with

"

"I wish she'd told me she was stressed," I said as I ran a hand through my hair. "Anyway, I'll wait on all that. What else is bothering you? It can't just be the Clarissa drama. You looked upset when Ashley said you grew."

"I just wish I could stop growing for a year or two," Alyssa replied. "I'm the tallest in the second year Hayden. And I am a girl! I feel so self-conscious about it."

"Someday the rest of your classmates will catch up," I told her. "I know it's hard but you look fine and you get prettier everyday. All of you are at the age where you're going to get growth spurts. The boys will suddenly start growing too. I think next year will be the year they will all start. It happened in my year. Remember how much I grew?"

"But you're a boy," Alyssa said. "It's different with boys."

"I really don't think you should worry, but Alyssa, there is a question I need to ask before we go down and we should soon," I added as I quickly checked my watch. I knew our family was waiting impatiently for us.

"About what?" She asked dully.

"Andrew," I said. "Michelle and Minnie told me not to ask you, but I need to know. Do you have a crush on Andrew?"

"I'm twelve," she replied. "Crushes will come and go. I just happen to notice how cute he is but I know he is too old. You have nothing to worry about Hayden, and besides, there is a cute boy in the third year I have my eye on. Michelle promised she wouldn't tell you."

"She didn't. Craig noticed and he asked me and I asked her. She just told me to leave you alone about it," I said. "You're my little sister though, and I can't help but worry. He sleeps around and you are just twelve."

"Hayden, girls get crushes on older blokes all the time but I am not going to go for a sixteen-year-old. I mean, look at all the girls who fawn over Professor Martin," she continued. "Or Professor Longbottom. I like the boy in third year more. Trust me, you have nothing to worry about."

She said the words, but I wasn't sure if I believed her or not. She couldn't look at me directly as she spoke, but for now, I decided to take her word for it.

"We should go down," she continued. "You know they're all waiting."

I didn't see Michelle until the next day when her family came over. I had a feeling that both girls were reluctant to come over. We were all sitting at the kitchen island when they all came in. I assumed Ashley and Ben must have told them it was okay to walk in. Elliot immediately hurried over to Hailey who grinned at him.

"Lets go to the playroom," she told him as she hopped off her chair. The two of them ran from the room with Mickey following close behind.

Clarissa and Alyssa looked as if they were trying their best not to look at each other. However, I looked directly at Michelle who was staring back. She flushed the moment our eyes met. I climbed off my stool and walked over to her. I knew we wouldn't be allowed to go upstairs anymore, so I beckoned her to follow me into the living-room. I wondered if she actually would, so I paused at the door and waited. She hesitated a moment and then followed me.

"Don't send anyone to spy on us," I called as we left the kitchen.

I walked directly over to the love seat and then sat down. I patted the spot beside me when Michelle didn't follow. She was busy hugging herself as she stared at me. I couldn't remember the last time we had trouble talking to each other.

"We can't keep avoiding each other," I told her when she didn't move.

"I know," she said softly before she walked over. "You made me feel bad when you didn't respond back Hayden."

"You made me feel bad when I found out that you didn't bother to tell me you weren't going," I retorted. "You should have said something. Andrew and I went for

That is the only reason I went because the night before you told me that you were going. Michelle, this is so unlike you. You've always been courteous when it comes to things like that."

"Well, I just assumed you wouldn't want to go," she said. "We woke up and saw how bad it was. We decided to stay in the common room."

"And you should have told me. I'd have done that for you," I said.

"I just don't think it's that big of a deal," Michelle said.

"And yet I am in the wrong for not replying back to you?" I asked with irritation now. "How is one okay and not the other Michelle? What is going on? You're not being yourself."

"Maybe I am," she said. "And it is different Hayden. I assumed you wouldn't go but then when you wrote me, you never wrote back and it worried me. You've never left me hanging like that. Not since we were kids. You could have at least told me that you were angry with me about that."

"And you could have told me that you weren't going to Hogsmeade," I retorted. "I don't understand how you don't see the wrong in what you did, and now you're trying to guilt trip me for being upset with you."

"No, I am guilt tripping you for not writing back because you should feel guilty about that!" She said furiously. "You should have told me you were upset."

"And you should know that it's common courtesy to tell someone that you aren't going to meet them!" I argued. "If I'd done that to you, you'd be upset Michelle. Don't say you wouldn't. The fact that you are upset that I didn't write back tells me that you would."

"I have nothing to feel guilty over," she said. "And there is no point in continuing this discussion. We obviously don't see eye to eye on it. You're not going to feel guilty about this so whatever."

"So what are you suggesting then?" I asked.

"I don't know," she said.

"Well, I don't know either," I replied with a sigh.

I was realizing that this was probably the dumbest fight I'd ever had though, and I'd had my fair share of them. I loved Michelle, but she was being so petty at the moment, and it just didn't seem like her. Maybe I didn't know her as well as I'd thought.

"Look, I talked to Clarissa about this-" Michelle began.

"Well, that makes sense then," I interrupted. "No wonder you don't sound like yourself. You're really going to listen to her about this?"

"And what is that supposed to mean?" Michelle demanded.

"Some of Clarissa's actions are questionable," I said. "I've heard stories."

"Oh and Alyssa's are?" Michelle asked.

"Alyssa has nothing to do with this," I said.

"You probably talked to her about this," Michelle stated.

"I still don't see what your point is," I said.

"The things she did in the summer? If you're going to bring up Clarissa's behaviour than I am going to bring up Alyssa's," she said.

"Alyssa doesn't do the things Clarissa does," I said angrily. "And you know she is sorry about all that. This isn't about our sisters, but I just can't believe you'd take Clarissa's advice-"

"If you can take Alyssa's then I can take Clarissa's!" Michelle said just as angrily as she stood up. "You know what, forget it Hayden. You don't want to talk about this in a civilized manner, so I am done."

"You're done?" I asked.

"We're done," she replied and then turned and stalked off to the kitchen where I heard her shout: "I am going back home!" And then Clarissa's voice: "Me too then!"

I just stared after her in shock. Maybe this was why I shouldn't have picked a fourteen-year-old as a girlfriend. She was just too immature for me. She'd been great up until this moment, but then hadn't Cynthia as well? I took a deep breath and then stood up to go upstairs. Why, why did I have such a bizarre and troubled life?

Alyssa was the only one who knew about our break up. She asked me about it shortly after the girls left. She agreed with me that something seemed off by Michelle's reaction, but she couldn't explain why besides the fact that Michelle was stressed by school work, but I wondered if there was more to it than that.

I was sure Ashley and Ben wanted to know what had happened between us. They couldn't have missed the fact that Michelle had taken off angrily, but they didn't pry either which surprised me. I wondered if it had to do with the revelation about my real father which they hadn't brought up yet. I wondered why that was. I hoped it wasn't from pity because they knew how I felt about that.

They were having some Christmas Eve party (though it wasn't quite Christmas Eve yet) the next day. It was some present exchange with their friends though I didn't think Brad was one of them. I stayed upstairs all day nevertheless. I did my best to spend time with the twins and Hailey when they asked. I didn't want anyone to know anything was wrong, so I couldn't stay in my room to brood but I was relieved when it was time for them to go to bed. I too could crawl into bed.

I was surprised to actually fall asleep right away, but I was even more surprised to be woken up when someone crawled into my bed. Waking up, thinking it was Hailey or Cameron, I stared shocked into my beautiful ex-girlfriends eyes.

"Michelle," I asked and I leaned forward to turn on my light. "What are you- am I dreaming?"

"If you are than I am too," she said as she snuggled close to me. "I'm sorry Hayden. I've been thinking about it all since yesterday. I couldn't sleep, so I flooed over."

"How did you get around the security?" I asked.

The security Ben had in place on the floo had once caught me sneaking back in after I'd gone to Diagon Alley. How had she gotten around that? I still wasn't convinced that I wasn't dreaming. I'd never expected to have Michelle in my bed, and yet she was laying under the covers with me.

"Maybe they didn't put it back on after the party," Michelle suggested. "I was hoping for that so I decided to try my luck. I knew I could either get in big trouble for sneaking over, or I could get away with it."

"We could still get in trouble for this if they find out you're here in my bed," I said.

"I had to take that chance," Michelle said. "I was so horrible to you. I know you and everyone else are right that I should have told you I wasn't going. I don't know… I just got, defensive and hurt I guess when you didn't write back. Then I talked to Clarissa and she basically told me what I wanted to hear and the others told me what I didn't, and so I just listened to her. And then yesterday, I just got defensive about her because she's my sister. I know she's in the wrong, but it's hard for me not to defend her. It wasn't until about an hour later that I regretted it all and I realized I was being irrational about it."

"I knew it wasn't you," I replied. "But there must be more to it than you just being defensive about the situation and your sister. You were over the top Michelle."

"I'm stressed out too," she said with a sigh. "School work, the usual Hogwarts drama and all this stuff with my sister. I don't know what it is she's up to, but I hear stories, probably the same ones you hear. Alyssa isn't much help because she herself doesn't know. It's why I was frustrated about her yesterday. It's not Alyssa I'm upset with but in the past I could always count on her. Clarissa isn't honest with her or the others so I don't know what to believe. You know Hogwarts and its rumours."

"Believe me I know," I said. "Not to mention my problems."

"No," Michelle said quickly. "It's nothing to do with your problems at all. Dealing with someone else's problems actually helps, not that I want to have to use your problems as a crutch, but I think about mine less when I am helping you with yours."

"But you should talk to me," I said. "I talk to you. It works both ways and-"

I paused though. I thought I heard movement in the hall and I glanced at Michelle in alarm. Everyone had their own bathrooms. Why would someone be up at this time? We stared at each other with wide eyes, both holding our breaths.

"Okay," I whispered. "We need to get you downstairs and home. We'll talk more about this later. If we're caught, you'll never be allowed here again. We would probably be forbidden to see each other!"

"Too bad you couldn't apparate yet," Michelle said with a smirk. "We'll have to try that out someday when you can though."

I grinned back at her and then climbed out of bed. Michelle followed and we both moved quietly over to my door. Once we reached it, I opened it slowly and glanced out. The halls looked deserted. Ashley's and Ben's door was closed. If it was one of them getting up for a snack or a drink, they'd have left it open. I figured I could take my chance with one of the kids over my parents. The kids would always cover for me.

"Coast is clear," I whispered and we stepped out.

We tip toed along the hall and then down the steps. I hoped so much one of our guests hadn't stayed over. If one of them had stayed over, we'd be in trouble for sure. They'd tell our parents. They were cool, but not that cool. All we needed to do was reach the fireplace in the living-room. I'd never even had to deal with this when I was dating Cynthia. Just as we reached the living-room, a figure stepped into view and the two of us gasped.

"Well, well, well, what are you naughty kids up to?"

I sighed with relief. It was just Richard. I wondered if he was fighting with his mum again. I figured they would have made up considering the events at the train station.

"Shh!" I said. "And please watch the doors. Michelle, hurry and go!"

"It's not what you think," Michelle said quickly as she rushed over to the fireplace.

"I'll see you tomorrow," I whispered as she hurried away. I really hoped nobody would hear anything as she threw some floo powder into the dying flames. The fireplace lit up. She called out her destination and then stepped in. I sighed with relief when she disappeared.

"So what was I covering up?" Richard asked as he walked over to me. "Better hope the security charms aren't up."

"We got in a fight, and she snuck in to talk to me," I said. "What are you doing here?"

"Fight with mum as usual," Richard said.

"But I thought after September-" I began.

"Me too, but apparently not," he interrupted as lights turned on.

We both looked over to see Ben rushing into the living-room with his wand out.

"What is going on? Who used the floo?" He demanded.

"Me," Richard replied. "I went home but I came back. I thought maybe I'd want to talk to mum but I changed my mind. Why didn't it notice me come back? Why did it only notice me leave?"

Ben frowned. "Maybe I didn't put that back up," but he eyed us suspiciously. "Go upstairs, both of you. I don't know if I believe your story, but I'll take your word for it. It's late and I'm tired."

"I wouldn't lie," Richard replied with a shrug. "Hayden heard me and came down. I thought I could deal with mum, but once I got home I changed my mind. Besides, I knew you lot would wonder where I went."

"You still haven't told me what happened," I said to him. "She seemed more easy-going earlier, even if I was just down here briefly."

"It's always going to take her time," Ben said. "I still don't know if I believe you, but you've never lied to me before. I don't know what else you could have been doing," he added before glancing at me.

"I've been here all night," I said. "Besides, I am seventeen," I reminded him. "Even if I had left, you said I don't have a curfew anymore so I wouldn't need to sneak around since I wouldn't be doing anything wrong."

"I know but-" Ben began but then shook his head. "I'm too tired for this. The boys had us up too earlier. I don't know why. I'll believe you. If you two can keep it down, you might as well stay but remember, I don't like being lied to."

"We know," I said. "I'm sorry we woke you."

"Well, it's more that I am," Richard said. "I'm just tired of everything with mum. Things were good and now they aren't. I think I want a snack. Hayden, want one?"

"Yes sure," I said before glancing at Ben again.

He just sighed and then turned and left. I wondered if he knew more than he let on. Perhaps he knew that it was Michelle or someone else leaving besides Richard. We waited until he left the room before we headed to the kitchen. The lights turned on and Richard went straight for the fridge where he pulled out one of Ashley's fruit platters. I was assuming it was made from earlier. I made my way over to the Island.

"So?" Richard asked as he set the platter in front of me. He climbed up on one of the stools.

"She came over to apologize," and I explained everything that had happened.

"But no make up sex?" Richard asked with a smirk.

"She's too young for that still," I said. "Believe me I'd love… well, anyway, we just talked."

As I said that, I realized that we hadn't even kissed.

"Well, probably dealing with Clarissa has made her over emotional lately. It's been the same with us," Richard said. "I'm just glad Mackenzie and me can get a break from it all being in Ravenclaw. And I have the blokes. Alyssa is taking most of the pressure and lately Clarissa has been- well, maybe I should leave it to Alyssa to tell you."

"No, I'd like to know," I said. "She can tell me too if she wants, but I'd like to know as well."

"Well, I think Clarissa has always been a bit jealous that we all have money," Richard said. "But she's never really let it get it to her too much. I mean, it's not as if her family is poor. We all do well, but Uncle Ben and Aunt Ashley have managed to do better than all of the Hoofers of course, so Clarissa takes it out on Alyssa the most. You know she's always tried to be a bit modest with the money thing. All of you have, even William though he can be a bit show offy, but he usually does it out of spite. Anyway, she feels jealous with her three best friends being wealthy, and then Alyssa is the most wealthy and they're together all the time."

"Makes sense I guess," I said. "I'm surprised we haven't run into that problem sooner. None of my friends have ever been resentful and even the people who don't like me like Colleen and Becky don't really bring up my wealth too much."

"I think it's part of the reason why Charles is the way he is. I mean, he obviously enjoys it but I think he just wants to fight off any gold diggers. You know, if girls think he is like that, they will stay away," Richard said. "He's so good at making Aunt Brianne and Uncle Nick think he's such a good boy. I often wonder how Aunt Brianne would react if they knew."

"I think they, or at least Nick has somewhat of an idea," I replied. "But probably not the full details. I've heard some of the adults talk about it. I doubt he knows he has shagged already but I've heard Barry mention his snogging around the castle. Anyway, girls will just want him more because they'll want to be the one to change him. At times, Andrew runs into that situation and his family doesn't have a lot of money."

"Yeah I guess you have a point there," Richard replied. "And I think Clarissa is going to be the female version of those two to be honest."

"I've heard," I said. "I try not to listen because she's like another little sister to me. Not as close, but I watched all of you grow up and Mackenzie and Clarissa feel like my cousins."

"Well, Mackenzie is your cousin," Richard reminded me. "I try to ignore them too because it makes me want to hex certain blokes but it also just drives me mad that she won't listen. I think she's going to do something stupid like shag, and we're just second years. She's been saying thirteen is grown up enough, and when Mackenzie gets angry with her about it, she says she is joking, but I don't think she is."

"Has she turned thirteen already or is she going to?" I asked. I couldn't remember if she'd been born the end or the beginning of December.

"She's thirteen already," Richard. "Just turned thirteen not too long ago. And of course Mackenzie is too, and she knows we aren't old enough. So it's no wonder Michelle went off the deep end. It was apparently drama in the Hufflepuff Common Room before we left."

"I just wish she'd tell me more," I sighed. "I unload all my problems on her, but she doesn't talk to me and I often think it's because of mine."

"I doubt it. Michelle has never been open," Richard said. "What's going on with that? Are you going to talk to that Brad bloke or no?"

"They haven't brought it up yet. Maybe they're waiting for Christmas to go by," I said. "I think I will talk to him. It's not his fault after all. It's mum's fault."

"But he could have stepped up," Richard said.

"But he wasn't sure if it was him. She could have slept with other wizards for all he knew, and he was fourteen. She was the adult, and he was the child. Imagine that happening to you. I don't know how I'd react. I don't think I'd run, but that's because of what I've been through, but Brad was younger."

"I suppose you have a point there," Richard said. "I can't even imagine… not that I'd go for an older woman no matter how hot she is. I doubt I'll even shag anytime soon. I want to wait until I'm seventeen."

"Not to burst your bubble, but a lot of people say that but don't," I said. "I said the same but once you get a girlfriend, things can change. I hope you're smart enough to wait. I mean, now that I'm with Michelle I think it might be easier because I could never dream of pressuring her but if you're with someone the same age, it might be harder."

"I know," Richard said. "Dad and I talked about that. There's nothing wrong with it as long as you're careful, but so many people are stupid about it and I don't want to be like that. Dad says a lot of blokes think with the wrong head, and look at Charles or Andrew or even some of the adults in our lives like Jared. And Clarissa might do it too early."

"And Alyssa can't get through to her this time," I stated. "Usually she can, and if she can't then who can?"

"That's what we're worried about," Richard said with a sigh. "Alyssa has always been Clarissa's conscious, just like Cameron has always been William's. It would be the same if William stopped listening to you, me, or Cameron. It would be mayhem."

"I hate to say it, but you might have to talk to Keith and Ellen," I told him. "None of us like ratting each other out, but if it gets worse, you might have to do that."

"We've talked about that. We're hoping it's a last resort," Richard replied. "Maybe she just needs to get it out of her system. She did tell us that she wants to rebel, so maybe once she gets it out of her system, she'll go back to the old Clarissa."

"But you don't believe that," I stated and Richard shrugged.

"Well, at least you were able to make up with Michelle," he said. "At least you have one problem solved, and maybe things will work out with Brad too."

"I just want it all to go away," I told him. "I wish I had a boring life."

Richard laughed. "Hayden, someday you're going to have a boring life working at Antodote research. You won't have a life, and you'll crave your drama filled life at Hogwarts."

"No I won't," I said laughing.

I stood up.

"I'm going to bed. Are you staying up a bit longer?"

Richard nodded. "I'm still hungry. I'll see you tomorrow. Have fun dreaming about beautiful Michelle."

I grinned at him. It was exactly what I was going to do.

It wasn't until a couple days after Christmas when Brad finally came over. The days after making up Michelle was fun filled days. I spent the time hanging out with not only my siblings but the cousins and the kids of family friends. Clarissa was the only one who really hung back. She appeared to have made up with Richard, Mackenzie and Alyssa, but I thought it seemed a bit fake.

The boys came over as well, and I could tell Craig seemed tense with the family Christmas, but everyone welcomed him. I wasn't too surprised as they'd known him since he was a little boy. I could sense that Barry seemed a little uneasy about him, but I had a feeling that part of it was an act as well. After all, it was his little girl in a serious relationship.

Andrew and I hung back and laughed at Craig who was all formal. I was just glad it wasn't me. I'd been through it before, and likely would again, but for at least one day, I could relax. I used those day to be able to act my age as Ben and Ashley called it for once. Michelle was quite clingy, and I wondered if it was because of our fight.

One morning, after Ben and Ashley began putting some of the Christmas decorations away, they turned to me. I was busy eating cereal with my wand while I read through a Potions essay, making corrections when I noticed mistakes. I noticed the serious expressions on their faces, and I wondered if it was because I was doing magic. I was ready to tell them that I was seventeen now.

"Hayden, Brad is going to be here this afternoon," Ashley said instead. "I'm sorry to just tell you today, but we only just found out last night after you lot went to bed."

"We've sent all the kids away for the day," Ben continued. "We'd like it to be one on one for you. We didn't tell them why, you can later if you'd like."

"We just didn't want them to ask too many questions, and I am sure Alyssa would insist on staying," Ashley added.

"I'm sure she would have," I agreed.

And I was glad they did it this way. I would answer any questions all three of them had, but I wanted to see my real father one on one without any interruptions. And now I knew that Alyssa meant well, I just didn't want her or anyone else there. I hoped my parents understood that as well. I'm sure they did.

"And we'll stay out of the way too," Ben told me. "But we're just a written parchment away."

"I know, and thank you," I said. "What time exactly is he coming then?"

"Around one," Ben said.

I nodded and then glanced down at my Potions essay. It was hard to concentrate now. In just a few hours, Brad and I would be meeting each other as father and son for the first time. I'd known the man since I was a small boy. He was someone I'd never really given too much thought to. He was just another friend of my parents, but he'd never been as dominant as Michael, Ellen, Jared, or even Hank and Stan.

I had a feeling Ashley was nervous too. She'd promised to stay away, but she made us a big snack platter, despite the fact that we already ate. None of it was even the healthy stuff she normally prepared either. She set it down on the coffee table in the living-room, telling me that it would be more comfortable for us to talk there instead of anywhere else in the house.

"We'll be in the kitchen," Ashley told me.

"I know," I told her with a smile.

They were even letting me wait for Brad to show up, so I could answer the door and greet him. It showed how much they saw me as a grown up. In the past, they would have at least talked to Brad or anyone else first. Besides Brad telling them he was coming over, they were letting me take it over from that moment on.

I sat on the couch feeling tense as one approached, and then I heard a loud knocking on the door. Nervously, I stood up, and walked out into the foyer and over to the big double doors. I hesitated, and then opened them. There on our front porch stood my real father. For the first time in seventeen years, we were were meeting as father and son.

"Hi Hayden," he said, his voice shaking. So he was just as nervous.

"Come on in," I told him stepping back. "We can sit in the living-room. Ashley and Ben are letting us talk on our own."

"Good, good," Brad said and he looked around the foyer as if he were looking at it for the first time.

He took a good look at our staircase as we went through. I wondered what he was thinking as I lead him into the living-room. He'd seen our house so many times. He'd slept over here enough times after their parties. Perhaps he was trying to comfort himself by seeing the luxuries I'd grown up with as Ben and Ashley's child instead of his or Rachel's.

I walked over to one of the couches and sat down. Brad followed and took a seat beside me.

"I'm not proud of it," Brad told me once he sat down. "I should have spoken up years ago."

"But Ashley said that you weren't one hundred percent sure," I stated.

"No, I wasn't. Even back when Ashley told us that she was pregnant, I wasn't. I knew she slept with a lot of blokes, and I was fifteen by the time I found out. I mean, I wasn't an idiot, I knew at that age I could get a girl pregnant, but I didn't think the odds were that I was the father back then. I just thought it was some random blokes kid, and went on with my life. It wasn't until I found out that you were magical too that I wondered. But then I wondered if maybe Jared or one of the others slept with her. She used to flirt with all of us, and I hate to make excuses, or even talk about your mum this way, but she was a beautiful older woman giving us this attention," Brad said and then sighed.

"I don't blame you at all," I told Brad. "Even now I don't blame you. If I were single, and some beautiful older woman hit on me, I'd probably go for her. You were fourteen, and she took advantage."

"But I should have stepped up," Brad said. "As you grew older, I had my suspicions. In fact, you looked similar to me when I was a child, but I had so much guilt and I was ashamed. Hell, I was there that night when Ashley came over and told us that Rachel was abandoning you. I could have even said something then, but I didn't. I wanted to apparate over to your mum's to yell at her, but I froze. I saw you as a vulnerable little boy grieving because you'd lost your mum and you didn't know your father. I was a coward, Hayden. And I have my own children as well now too. Your half siblings, and when I think of what happened with me… and you, it just makes me feel worse."

"My mum is the one at fault though," I said. "She could have even spoken up. She shouldn't have been with you in the first place. She's the one who took advantage of a fourteen-year-old boy. If someone ever took advantage of a girl, like Michelle for example, everyone would be outraged. I want to confront her now."

"I've wanted to for years," Brad told me. "Especially the night she told Ashley that she was giving you up. I might not be guilty for falling for an older woman's advances, but I am guilty of not stepping up before now. You're better off with Ben and Ashley financially, but emotionally, I should have been tehre to reassure you. Let you know that at least one of your real parents cared about you. And Hayden, I want you to know I am here for you now. I want to be in your life. I'd like to get to know you better, as my son, when you're home for your holidays, and when you're done Hogwarts."

"I would too, but Ashley and Ben are my parents," I told him. "I'm staying with them. I don't my relationship with them to change."

"And that's understandable," he said. "I would never dream of taking you from the two people who have raised you into the fine young man you are. Not unless you wanted it. I just want us to at be friends, and I'd like to somehow make up the last seventeen years to you."

"Ashley said it's why you went to Beauxbatons," I said and Brad nodded.

"It was hard being around them and hearing them talk about this magical godson of Ashley's. I knew there was a chance that you were at least mine, if not some other blokes in our year. I'd hear her talking about how odd it was that Rachel met some random magical man who had another son out there. I knew that was a lie, or last least the chances were very slim for it to be true.I was curious about the Tri-Wizard Tournament and Beauxbatons, but your birth was my final decision. It wasn't until you were maybe four or five that I was more sure because you looked like me."

"You were in a difficult position," I said. "No one blames you. I don't. A lot of people can say what they would do in your position, but they truly don't know."

"Ashley's parents are blaming themselves. They trusted her around all of us," Brad told me. "I've spent a few hours with them, reassuring them, that they aren't at fault either."

And as I gazed at my real father, and saw the guilt in his eyes, I decided right there and then, I was going to talk to mum. I couldn't put it off anymore. She's hurt so many different people. It wasn't just me that she'd hurt, but my real father, my parents, Ashley's parents and likely the other people who were teens at the time. How could one person affect so many people?


End file.
